Misha Vayner is here to discuss her life story and healing journey with you. Finding herself at a self-described “rock bottom” over 10 years ago, Misha intuitively knew that there was something more for her to uncover and understand. She found that although she had visited countless health professionals over the years, she hadn’t yet healed the past traumas of her life. Through learning new ways of connecting to herself, the physical manifestations of illness began to fall away. In turn, she learned there was more to healing than meets the eye. Join us today for this riveting conversation.

EPISODE TAKEAWAYS (what you’ll learn):

• Your rock bottom might be the invitation you’ve been waiting for
• A new understanding of what connection to self feels like
• Practices to reparent yourself and bring a new understanding to light
• The concept that our vulnerability leads to transformation
• Women sharing and creating safe spaces leads to exponential healing

About The Guest:

Misha Vayner is a Certified Trauma Informed, Holistic Health & Life Coach for her company, ‘Your Well Guide’ & a Mother of 3. Your Well Guide is a Holistic Healing + Wellbeing brand inspired by her transformational and ever-evolving healing journey. Through her company, she helps women heal burnout, trauma, physical, mental + emotional health struggles and disconnection from their highest + most vibrant self + struggle in life. Misha's offerings include private coaching, her Glow & Flow Mastermind, workshops + retreats.

Important Links:

www.mishavayner.com

https://mishavayner.com/glowandflow/

Instagram

About the Host:

Maureen Spielman is the Founder of Mystical Sisterhood, a podcast dedicated to bringing more joy, healing and expansion to the world. She is a seasoned life coach who supports individuals through one-on-one coaching, groups and workshops.

Connect with Maureen:

● Check out her Instagram: @maureeenspielman

● Learn more about her work at www.maureenspielman.com

● Want to join our Mystical Sisterhood Membership community? Find out more here: https://www.maureenspielman.com/mysticalsisterhood

● Email Maureen at hello@maureenspielman.com to inquire about coaching, podcasting & speaking engagements

● Want to view Mystical Sisterhood episodes? Visit the Mystical Sisterhood YouTube Channel here: Magical Sisterhood Youtube

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Hello and welcome back to mystical

sisterhood. This is your host, Maureen Spielman and I'm here

today with Misha Vayner. She's a certified trauma informed

holistic health and life coach for her company, your well

guide. She's here to discuss her life story and healing journey

with us. About 10 years ago, Misha found herself at a rock

bottom. And she went through to all the doctors and did all the

things that she felt she needed to do in order to heal yet

remained stuck on emotional, spiritual, physical and mental

levels. And so when she discovered trauma healing, that

was the beginning that began to unlock the true keys for living

in full health and wellness and she's turned her life story into

her life purpose. So I hope you join us today for this riveting

conversation. I enjoyed every second of it. So we'll see you

in the episode. Hey there, welcome to mystical sisterhood.

This is your host, Maureen Spielman. I started the show to

highlight the intuitives healers and other courageous women that

I've met along my journey and continue to meet. Through

amazing interviews, I seek to ask insightful questions to

uncover ways in which you the listener can apply the wisdom

and knowledge to your own life. I believe that we're all in this

together. So sharing healing and joy, and bringing community

together is both my passion and purpose. If you'd like to learn

more about the mystical sisterhood community I'm

building please visit www mystical sisterhood.com See you

in the episode. Welcome back to mystical sisterhood. This is

your host, Maureen Spielman. And today I am here with Misha

Vayner. I'm really excited for this conversation, she and I met

through a networking group. And Misha is a certified trauma

informed holistic health and life coach for her company, your

well guide, and she's a mother of three. And the reason or one

of the reasons I was taken with Misha story and really wanted to

have her on have you on today, Misha, is because you're always

very open with your journey with your health journey, which

showed up for you in your body and body manifestations of

things that were going on underneath the surface for you.

I always find you to be open, vulnerable, willing to share

your story in order to help heal other people, and support women

through the practices you've discovered that are truly

essential to our well being. And so I'll just welcome you here

saying that. So Hello, thanks for being here.

Hi, thank you so much for having me.

Yeah, you're so welcome. You know, when I

think about your kind of backstory, I thought, like, I'm

gonna just ask me Sure, right off the bat, you know, how did

this all begin? And I know that you're going to start wherever

you think you should start with that. Because if we begin of

when you started to become ill and see manifestations in your

body of illness, you could start there, or you could start

further back, or we can jump around. So wherever, wherever

you feel comfortable.

Yeah, so I think what I'll do is I'll start with

where the awareness came to me, and then I'll take it from

there. About 10 years ago, I found myself completely at rock

bottom, I had a former career in fashion, and I had a retail

concept store that I went into business with a partner and the

short and the longer that is that are the short of it is that

my business partner did some shady things that led to me

getting a $5 million lawsuit, which was devastating to me. And

this was very traumatic, not just from a, you know, from a

financial standpoint, but also from a betrayal standpoint, and

also from a standpoint of this was a dream that I had worked

towards since I was seven years old. And there was a whole bunch

of other things tied up in this. But as I sort of was dealing

with the trauma from that and the grief of like losing a

business, and something that you've created, as I was dealing

with the group grief of closing a business, the devastation of

the betrayal, the you know, the financial hardship, all the

things I also dealt with having a death in the family and a few

other traumatic events. And at this point, I found myself

completely like in despair and I Big Dan got pregnant with a

first birthday, then my husband might have that now husband, but

at the time my boyfriend proposed to me and I was like, I

had not like make any legal commitments at this point. And I

also don't trust anyone, I don't trust myself. I don't trust

anyone else. Like no. And I was very much shaken by all of the

things I was trying to like, wrap my head around and figure

out. It was also during the height of the recession,

businesses were closing, my sister was going through a

divorce, my grandmother died. And I was just like, I in

overwhelm and overload. And then we got pregnant. And after I,

you know, I'm going to sort of fast track because there's so

many pieces, but essentially, after I had my first child, I

found myself completely at rock bottom, my, I couldn't walk, my

brain shut down. I couldn't type because every single one of my

joints was in so much pain that I actually couldn't type I had

to use a pencil. If I was like reading by the time I got to the

end of a sentence, I forgot the beginning of the sentence. If

someone would walk out of the room, I literally and I'd watch

them, I completely have no idea like where it was like where did

they go and have this panic. I had night sweats. I had rectal

bleeding, I had immense anxiety, chronic migraines. Dandruff, my

eyes were caught very like they're constantly were itching

and dull. It was from big, like small things to big things. It

felt like not one part of my body worked. And this entire, I

got to this Oh, and I couldn't lose a single pound of weight.

And I was stuck with all this postpartum weight. Now, you're

talking to someone who's always had a very fast metabolism has

always prided herself on being very healthy. has, you know,

like, even if you looked at my bookshelf for my college, it was

like how to breathe properly. I'm like, No, I'm doing gut

cleanses. Like, I've always been very, quote unquote, healthy and

worked out and ate well, but no matter what I did, I couldn't

lose any weight. I was chronically feeling awful and

mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. And

I have after about a year and a half of just feeling like at

this point, I was feeling lost, lost with myself disconnected

from myself, but lost in my career. I had now gotten married

because of health insurance, basically, because I was out

pregnant and I had Indian parents that were putting

pressure and I was just in this spin of making decisions that I

like, I didn't even know what was right. And I felt very out

of sync with my life. Like I didn't know who I was, I had

gone back to work in fashion because I needed to get a

paycheck to take care of my kid. I was like, feeling unfulfilled

in my marriage, unfulfilled with myself and in so much pain.

Finally, I was driving one day, and I actually like couldn't I

remember being on the highway and I couldn't put my foot down

on the break, because it hurt too bad. And I at that same time

you can't make this up. I remember this is like graphic,

but I remember also having blood come out of my butt and my

vagina itching so badly. And just feeling like a disgusting

human that like felt like broken like I pulled over to the side

of the road. And I was like, I started bawling. Like I was like

what is happening and I called my husband and I was like I need

to get to the bottom of whatever this is. And by the way over the

course of that past year that had just gone through when I was

that this point my daughter was nine months old. So I guess the

for the nine months prior I had been searching I've been going

to you know endocrinologist I had been going to rheumatoid

rheumatologist, sports medicine doctors, gastrointestinal

doctor, like I had gone to everyone. And everything was

like everyone was telling me there was like nothing wrong

with me that there was you know, everything was coming back like

fine all the time. You know, CAT scans, bone scans, everything.

And I was in a walking boot for a year by June, I had gone on my

honeymoon in a walking boot. I was crippled in pain for a year.

So I mean, there's so many details to it. But essentially

at that point, when I called my husband that was like the moment

I'll never forget and I was in this holistic like birthing

group that there was like an email listserv because I had a

home birth and it was part of this community and I knew that

they would probably have some sort of resource. So I reached

out, you know, asking for recommendations, and I was led

to a functional Doctor Who, you know, I went to and initially,

you know, so what he first told me was, like, essentially, I was

extremely depleted from all of the stress, all of the trauma.

And, and by the way, he didn't completely break it down like

this, but essentially, I was depleted from the stress and the

trauma and I was so you know, I had, because of that, I had

malabsorption, where my body wasn't able to absorb the

nutrients, I had, you know, leaky gut, which was also part

of that, and that is, you know, in my gut bacteria was all off,

I this was causing insane inflammation, my brain had shut

down because my body because it couldn't absorb the fat, it

wasn't my brain actually shut down from not having enough fat,

I also was not eating enough fat because I was trying to lose

weight, I was also adding stress to my body by trying to work out

to lose the weight when my body was already in a deficit. So all

the all of these things, and then I had, you know, various

metabolic disorders from Ohio, reverse T three to insulin

resistance, all things that I never thought I would have. So

we started by, you know, doing a complete like, you know,

cleansing of my system and repopulating my gut bacteria and

adding in tons of herbs and doing weekly IVs. And all of

these things to basically restore the, you know, bio

terrain of my body, so to speak, which, you know, was really

remarkable because from that week to six weeks later, I lost

about 20 pounds. My, my hair was shinier, my eyes are brighter by

brain turned on, and no joint pain. Like, it was just

remarkable. However, that six week point, it was definitely I

would say like, a good like, 15% of my that wasn't, you know,

still needed work. And I found out that day that I was pregnant

again. Oh, now. And PS over that nine months before I had a

miscarriage as well. So it was interesting. Anyway, over that I

was now working in fashion. Doing, you know, when I learned

this, and I at this point was fascinated. And to give context,

this was about 2011, I think, or maybe it was 2012. And this was

even before, I mean, Paleo wasn't a thing. And I remember

being fascinated by like, the fact that I didn't know this and

feeling like, every woman needs to know this. Because how is it

that I've been torturing myself, and working out more like, I

couldn't believe even the things that he was telling me that

like, I needed to stop working out. And all of a sudden, the

weight, you know, came off. So I first was like, I need to

understand everything that's happening in my body. Because

for also, functional medicine is expensive. And I was like I want

to, and I wanted to also be empowered, I kept going to other

people. And I'd spent a year and a half, asking other people

things. And I was like, I want to know, so that I have the

tools and I feel empowered to like, figure out what I need to

support like, so while I was,

you know, working and had this little one, and that

was pregnant. I went to school at IIM Institute of Integrative

Nutrition. And over the course of, you know, basically that

next two years, I had now had gotten, I had basically had

three kids in three and a half years. And it was very much as

three steps forward two steps back process, because of, you

know, the fact that I was having all these children and still

working, and I kept every time I would heal a little bit, I would

get diagnosed with another stress related issue. And I

might I was going to a Buddhist meditation center, I was doing

yoga. I was I mean, I was reading like, you know, I was

doing all the things quote, unquote, and I kept feeling that

I was stuck. And I was even though there I was stuck in a

certain level of my ability to move forward and my physical

health, my mental and emotional and spiritual health are stuck

at a level and I was also deeply unfulfilled and not really

feeling in sync with my, my, my purpose, my my, my desires in my

marriage, like there was this, there was a stuckness and

finally I just I kept feeling frustrated. And after I kept

after maybe I don't know the sixth time they diagnosed me

after like kicking and screaming and being like, I'm not stressed

I'm not stressed. I finally was like, maybe there's something to

look at here and maybe I need to look at like what is causing the

stress So, so then I started to like, get curious. And I started

to observe my thoughts. And I definitely did have this part of

me that was like, There's no way a working mom of three cannot be

stressed. Like, what are they? You know what I mean? Like,

like, why am I even doing it, but I was also a part of me

determined to like, figure this out, because I was like, I can't

live like this. So I started to get curious. And I started to

start to observe my thoughts and myself. And this is when I

started to realize that like, Oh, my God, it's not that I had

too many carpools, it's stressing me out what it is, is,

when I'm realizing that I have, for example, the carpool, it's

mom, that carpool itself is neutral, but it's my experience

that I'm bringing to it. I'm stressing out that I told too

many people, I give their kids a ride home, and I'd have the

time, but I'm worried about like, the way I look, I feel

like I don't have enough time for blah, blah, blah, I didn't

manage my my expectation. Like all I'm ripping myself apart

about being like a bad mom and not having things in a certain

way. It was my perfectionism, it was my people pleasing. It was

my kin over controlling. It was my, my lack of self trust. It

was all of these parts of myself, it was my mind and my

my, my disconnection from myself, that was causing the

trauma, which was cogent sorry, which was causing the stress in

my body, which was causing all of these physical ailments. And

so now I thought to myself, Oh, my God, like, I'm sitting here

taking 70 million supplements, and doing all these things to

try to heal my body. But I'm only ever able to get so far,

because that's like painting the leaf of the green, the brown

we've seen, it's actually not fixing the root of the problem,

which is the fact that I'm going to continue to be in this stress

response, painting the leaves if I will actually heal my

relation. So that's what I discovered trauma healing,

because I didn't know where the what I knew, because I was so

self aware. And I've done so much like exploration on

personal development, I was able to recognize this isn't my true

self, that much I knew and that I said to myself, This is my

disconnect from myself. And if I'm disconnected from myself,

this is definitely causing misalignment in my body, because

my mind and my body are doing two different things. And

there's obviously this is causing the anarchy within. But

I didn't know for sure, from a scientific standpoint, that this

was true. But my intuition was telling me I just knew, so I

followed this and started to, you know, I started working with

the therapist, and started to understand more about what

trauma healing was. And what I learned eventually was that,

like, trauma is our disconnect from our sense of self. That's

exactly what it is, essentially, we come into this world fully

expressed, you know, fully connected to our truth, fully,

you know, whole. And over the first seven years of our life,

we're actually in a hypnotic state where all the messaging

that we receive from our caregivers and from the world,

essentially, is the messaging that we take on, and what we

start to absorb as our own beliefs. We often there's also

certain ways of which our needs need to be met by our

caregivers, and if those needs are either not met or violated

that can cause trauma. And essentially, what happens is,

throughout our childhood, and throughout our lives, when we're

receiving certain messages that are even well intentioned

messages, and I'll give some examples there that are

basically disconnect us from ourselves. So here's an example.

I'll actually just break it down sort of speaking so like,

loosely, if, for example, as in childhood, we're told, like,

from a well intentioned place, we're being messy, we're playing

with paint, we're being like our happy joyful selves and our cars

don't make a mess, clean up, like you're making it like, we

start, we start to feel we're getting shamed for it. We're

getting yelled at for it. We start to feel this shame around

being messy. And so then we start to realize, okay, let me

cut that part off of myself. This is like an exile, we cut

that part off of ourselves. And say, there's too much shame

around that and this is my caregiver. This is the person

that I get needed love, safety and belonging and acceptance

from this is a person that's giving me food and shelter. I

need to I need to do what's going to help me attach to them

to cut that part off of myself. And I'm going to become, for

example, a perfectionist I develop a coping mechanism, a

self protection pattern that helps me like, you know, feel

safe because it feels safer. And I cut that part about myself.

And this is essentially also then keeping us safe in the

situation, but we're abandoning ourselves and we're causing a

disconnect. And then it causes this pattern pattern, which

causes also a chronic stress response within our bodies,

which then has this ripple. So all of these parts of ourselves

that we cut off well intentioned or not, where we receive these

messages that created shame, and then we, we cut that part off,

we have all these fragmented parts of ourselves, which are

essentially causing us one to be in these behavior patterns, that

are self sabotaging behavior patterns, also causing a chronic

stress response. Also, what are the foundation of what is

causing the gut issues, and the physical health issues and the

things and the mental, emotional, all of these issues

were experiencing. And when I realized that I was just like,

floored, because I realized that the root of our healing is our

connection with ourself. And I, I found that to be actually what

I what I also realized was that, it's so much easier than we let

it be. Because when we allow ourselves to do the inner

healing, and come home to ourselves, and let the rest

ripple out, because if we're healing our relationship with

ourselves, and that's releasing the stress, our hormones are

imbalanced, our metabolism is balanced, or we're naturally

have energy, we naturally go into sleep as the sun goes down,

we're naturally craving Whole Foods, it's a natural effect.

From that place, we don't have to constantly be, you know,

searching externally for answers and joining the different diets

and all the things it can just be in this place of self trust,

and knowing our bodies are listening to their wisdom and

letting them guide us. And so really, I know this is the

longest winded answer, but like, really, by, you know, it started

from that moment. And then I kind of as I went deeper into

my, as I started to understand it was trauma healing, I went

really deep into going back into my healing journey, and healing

each and every part of myself. And now, yeah, and so that's

kind of like where it started.

So it's a really amazing story. Misha,

thank you so much for all of that. And I can, I can hear from

just the cap, the cascade of things that were happening in

your life. And all on the outer, you know, even when you became

pregnant, and then became not well, and then you pulled in all

the specialists that they were going to have the answer and

they're going to this one's going to have the answer. And

that's what we're searching for. Because that's also what we're

trained to search for that someone else has the answer. And

I think it's beautiful, the way that unfolded for you, because

despite having to go through all those painful times, it led you

even, it seems with the training you chose for yourself at ai n.

Again, we're going to learn these outer things that that

lead you to Well, wait a minute, wait a minute, what's underneath

what's inside me? Maybe the answers are within me. And it's

and then that leads you to be able to embody it. And yeah, so

what have been, thanks for sharing everything. First of

all, I wonder for you, when you started to then relate to

yourself in a different way and ask yourself the questions that

what what's, you know, what ways did I show up in my survival

self and, and what is emerging beneath me were their favorite

ways of yours that helped you uncover the trauma within or

the, the, the, the experiences that needed to be re parented

those parts of you what like, what, what was really integral

to your healing?

Yeah, so you know, I think so just I'll start simply,

and then I'll so I initially, I feel like I started with like I

was dealing with, like, such massive things at the moment. So

I dealt with, like present day at the moment where I was just

like, how do I get out of this place and start to, I think the

biggest thing was initially was like, starting to build self and

body awareness so that I could start to identify what was

coming up, and then how to meet myself there. But I think the

really beautiful thing that I've realized and I'll go back to

specifically what that looks like and how to do it if that's

helpful to the listeners, but what I think is really, really,

really fascinating and really cool about trauma healing is

that once you understand it, and you start to apply it. It's like

this insane compounding effect. Because, you know, while the

wins I experienced year after year have been exponential, even

today, like, now it's like when the because because I have this

level of awareness, I'm able to continuously heal and expand

into versions of myself that, you know, it's almost like

becoming a superhero. And I know it sounds crazy, but it's

actually true. And it's built, it's helped me see this

awareness that we all are really like these little superheroes

running around. And so what was really helpful to me was like,

knowing firstly, that like, all the parts of ourselves, even the

wounded parts of ourselves, like, get to are welcome here

and at the table and like first meeting them with like, love and

compassion and not shame and building the awareness to have

an observer voice or observer sort of hat on so to speak. And

being able to when those parts of ourselves come up, sort of

like, acknowledging and seeing them and then started to get

curious around, okay, first, what what physical sensations

are happening in my body, when I'm, when I'm activated when

this trigger comes up. And because even just that awareness

is 50% of the healing, and when you have that awareness, you're

able to associate it with like, oh, this thing that's happening,

it's actually not about this person, what they said, This is

my own thing, because I know this feeling. And I've been here

before, so let me actually pause and not react, and like, like

you were saying, reparent myself and then come back to this

person later. But if you don't have that awareness, you can be

in a you can respond to life and situations from a trauma

response, which is going to put you back in that cycle. So

awareness is the first piece body awareness, then from there,

recognizing what feelings and sensations come up, during that

time of that trigger, like specifically what feelings like

for I'll give an example for me, you know, that I think maybe a

lot of people can relate to, you know, I have like, for a long

time, I had like a girlfriend sisterhood wound. Because I

guess during childhood, there were certain circumstances where

I'd be a part of the group, and then I'd like be kicked out of

the group or like, whatever. And so as I grew up, I like started

to like, not like being in groups. And you know, and so, I

started to notice that like, if, you know, I, in fact, I started

to notice that I would get this like level of discomfort in my

body if there was a group. And I started to notice, even like,

with my parenting that like, My daughter, one time, I noticed

that like a bunch of her friends were dressed up as something for

Halloween, and I knew she was coming. And I knew she wasn't

invited to dress up as that. And I had this insane response in my

body, like on behalf of my daughter for not being included.

And I was taking over and I knew this is your own thing, because

when my daughter came, she literally didn't care. She was

like five and her other costume. But having that awareness, if I

didn't have that awareness, there might have been a part of

me that like, who knows, might have been like, hey, like, why

wasn't so and so invited, I might have responded, but

knowing that this isn't about them, this is about my own

thing. So noticing that, and then which feelings come up for

me, like for me, it's like shame or whatever. And then after

that, meeting yourself and asking yourself, what, what do I

need to do to meet that part of myself, and as you said, repair

it and and heal that part. So, you know, repair is what repair

and repairing is what heals a trauma response. Because if you

think about a child, that's like, really upset if the kid

was just sitting there crying and no one with you can't go

over to the kid and you hug them and you leave them with

resonance, and you tell them it's okay, I hear you. It's

okay. I love you're still loved, you're still cared for, I'm

sorry, that happened that sticks. They start to their

stressors, but they their body relaxes, you'll see they get

that resonance, and they're able to complete the stress response.

But if they don't have that, there, it you know, there's this

hyper vigilance, there's this energy, there's a stress that

maintains in the body, and that stays in the body and stress

response can't be completed and it develops into trauma. So as

an adult, when we feel a stress response, we feel a trauma

response. It's important that we complete it and when it's rooted

in something that happened from childhood, which it typically

always have sort of root. When we can ask ourselves like, where

what is Where's this coming from? Like, for example, in that

case with a friend, you know, with me feeling that way, it

might be how do I meet this part of myself, I might be like, I

need to call one of my best friends and have them remind me

that I'm like loved and seen, it might be that I need to just cry

to my mom and be hugged and might mean that I need to go for

a run and move my body, it might be that I want to, like,

sometimes I literally have to, like, get under my gravity

blanket and be really tight, like I'm in the womb, like,

there's, you know, sometimes, you know, there's various

different things that sometimes you want to take a bath,

sometimes, whatever, there's, you know, they're all different

things that you could box breathing, but the point is, is

really recognizing what part of your self is needing to be seen

and witnessed and loved. And so in that moment, and then when

you can meet yourself there, and do that if I could call a friend

or and have that person be like, remind me of my worth, and tell

me that they loved me. And I get that like,

oh, yeah,

I will see it. And then what happens is, I now have new

evidence in my body, my body is now like, oh, like, you are

seeing and loved you, you you aren't, you know, you aren't

like, sort of exile by women, whatever it is, you do, you do

have that and then it starts to create spaciousness in my body.

And I have more and more capacity, more energy, and

releasing that stress response. And little by little, so I think

understanding that practice of, you know, this four steps of

building awareness, self and body awareness, recognizing the

feelings, asking yourself, what needs you need to be needs, what

needs to be met for your inner child, and then actually

executing on that. Which, because sometimes you might be

somewhere and you can't do it, but knowing Okay, when I get

home, if I'm like, at the grocery store, and I get home,

I'm gonna do something that is that's been really

transformational for me. And, and I can, you know, it's

important to note that it can take place over, you know,

extended period of time, sometimes you when you're in

like, a fond trauma response, a people pleasing, it often takes

place, sometimes it takes place for like weeks, where you're

noticing that, you know, you did something and it's still within

you is spawning will stay with you from the moment, you know,

you've been aware of it till you actually exit it, even if the

conversation was like one conversation one day, until you

actually recognize what's happening in your body and meet

new

people. So yeah, and that's a beautiful

four step kind of awareness to implementing new ways within

yourself, when you were talking about the experiences you had as

a young girl, young woman with women. That's interesting to me.

Because the ways that we perceive things and the things

that we take on, based on how we were raised, or what we were

exposed to, like, through like institutions, let's say they

keep us so disconnected. And then that to me, is speaking to

that disconnection. And it's no wonder that we develop that

disconnection within. And then so what I'm hearing as part of

your you like rheb, RI being with yourself in a new way,

repeating yourself, giving yourself compassion and

understanding is that you're building the connection. And

then you said that we're spaciousness and expansion and,

and that's what connection feels like. Because it's an energy and

the energy of disconnection. I'm just thinking out loud, but it's

it's not surprising, either, that if we're feeling so much

disconnection from our true, authentic self, our body is

going to possibly malfunction on us or Yeah, you know, yeah.

100% We definitely. I think you're absolutely right. I

think that's also why in the pandemic, I feel like it's got

so much worse or so much more disconnection. And I think, you

know, we are one we actually all are one, we're all energy, we're

all connected. And it's this, you know, for better or for

worse, like modern day life has really separated us and

disconnected us and especially, you know, now after the

pandemic, and I think the more that we can, can, that the

biggest thing that will help build connection with others is

vulnerability, and that and I and then being able to and I

think that that's one of the things that the more I would

love for it to see more and more people just get comfortable, you

know, being their authentic self. I think that the more that

people are doing that, that helps build connection and

trust, too. You're absolutely right, is how we've been as

women in particular, we've been sort of in a culture where, you

know, if someone looks so you know, takes up space or is

really like confident they're too like big for their britches.

Isn't they you need to knock them down. And I think really

being able to celebrate each other and also hold each other

in our, in our staff is really important. Yeah, I

do too. I like the way you were saying too

about the parts of us because it's so important that even if

we see, we catch ourselves in a pattern ourselves of judging

something, or someone, it's like, well take that part of you

and in and give it a hug. It's there for a reason, it developed

for a reason, and it kept us or that that beautiful light inside

of us safe in some way. But it's not serving us anymore. But just

to, I think you said something about the table, but welcomed at

the table with the perfectionist and the and the overdue or, and

the people pleaser, and the lazy one, or like all these things

that we started, you know, being that we're never truly

ourselves. So welcome them. Yeah,

yes, I think was an Oprah I want to say it was Oprah

aside, or maybe it was someone else, I think it was her that

said like, the way she you know, if she has, it's like, as if

they're all at a dinner table at the dinner, you know, everyone's

at dinner table. But she you're not going to put they can all be

at the table, but they're not at the head of the table. So like

you can, the way that I like you know, so it's kind of like

you're not gonna, I guess the way that I like to see it is

like, if I'm driving, I'm not gonna let them drive the car,

they can be in my car. But I know my true self will still

drive, but I can like stay in the backseat. Yes, this

yesterday morning. I had no desire to go to the gym in any

stretch of my image. I was just like, not in the mood. But I

knew that my highest self would be happiest my future self would

be happiest if I went, I knew that it was for my highest good,

I knew that I'd made a commitment to myself, I knew

that I was absolutely capable that it was just my like

nonsense getting in the way. So I heard my mind telling me

everything. And I was like, you can be there, it's okay. But

like, I'm not gonna listen to you like I'm going. And I think

that it's to your point like they can be there, you don't

have to get mad at them. But just don't let them drive your

car or something.

And they used to and, and until they didn't

work anymore. And I do believe that. I know that when I sat in

my conscious parenting training with Dr. Shefali, she would talk

about most of the women who went to do their training were in

their 40s and 50s. Because just we're starting to wake up and

we're starting to pay attention, like something is misaligned

within me. And she'll say, sometimes someone pops up in

their 20s. And she's like, wow, but I think that, like you're

saying the more conversations we're having like this the the

vulnerability where we feel safe, it creates more safety,

and the work that we do within ourselves. It's creating the

safety within our own relationships, but then it's

also giving the other permission to come into that safe realm.

And if we can, I don't know if I'm saying that well, but I just

feel like this is the call now. And let's let's share Let's

Let's be together, let's teach each other, let's learn from

each other, let's be in community, whatever it does have

the wide open big conversations.

Yes, I totally agree. Because if, if one person, if

you're closed off, if one person is closed off, you actually

can't connect, if you're so in that naturally, just to your

point that then doesn't allow for healing connection is

healing both within and with others. And so the more that we

can all, like, let our guards down and be to your point, like

if we're being similar to what you were saying about the parts

of ourselves of being accepting of them and letting them at the

table for ourselves doing that with other people as well. Like

every, we all have our own wounds. And if we see it come up

with somebody else, or someone else does something, even

unintentionally or intentionally harmful to us being able to see

it instead of you know, see it from a place of them potentially

working through their own stuff, then not being you know, being

compassionate. And from that place, you can actually have an

honest conversation and talk about it. And in fact, I've had

some really powerful and healing deeply healing conversations

with people that you know, we've had Miss, you know,

unintentionally hurt each other's feelings and been able

to both show up with open minds and open hearts and heal it and

and it was and from having those discussions our own healing just

was so dry, so dramatically expansive because it's like oh

my god, I can say my truth in this situation and not and and

be heard and you know, I think that is how the the big healing

will happen. So for the people to end but you do you do have to

be A certain level of self aware and regulated in order to be in

those conversations. So allowing yourself so really doing this

work is such a is a courageous commitment.

Yeah. Yeah. And I, you said something

earlier, I don't remember exactly what but this idea that

it's for all of us that were some some people might project

on to you Oh, this is so before hearing your story. Oh, gosh,

look at me, she's out there, she can show up, you know, with

friends with her clients on social media with her family so

exuberantly. But just to know, when we witnessed that we're all

we're all doing the work. I mean, and we take those little

steps to prove to ourselves that we're safe, like, we are

internally safe. I've done many things. As I've built my

business. I mean, I'll tell you two years ago, when I started an

Instagram, I didn't, that was not safe for me, I didn't feel

and it's still not my place. But as I am with myself, and I keep

on coming back to myself, like we're talking about this, this

inner dialogue, like, you're okay, you're safe, your voice is

worthy people, people might want to hear it, you know, you start

with those baby steps. And then you prove out to yourself like,

Oh, gee, the thing that I was scared of or fearful of, maybe

it's not true. And it's all that resistance we carry inside. But

the willingness, it's just begins, like you're saying, with

the willingness to connect to yourself, and start to be so

gentle and compassionate and be in a new way. It all just is

exponential. And then you're like, well, maybe I can, or

maybe, maybe if she can, I can. And I think forever, I would

hear people who were doing things say, I'm just like you,

and I and I would maybe project onto them. Now. That's not true.

They they're more outgoing. Are they this? Are they that but

now, I've proven to myself, Oh, that I know what they were

saying now. And that's what we're here for each other to

whatever it is that someone is seeking to heal, or bring alive

out into the world. We're here for them. You're here for them.

You know, it's like, I want to do this work with you.

Yes. Oh, my God, you said so many things, I wanted to

touch on what was like about the part of like, starting with a

small little thing. And then it getting easier and easier. And I

think that that's that is essentially trauma healing

because you're stretching into these growth. So you really by

having awareness of where it's uncomfortable, but knowing that

it's for you, and knowing that that's your truth. And stepping

into that growth edge and doing it a little bit by little by

being like loving to yourself, is you getting closer and closer

to healing that wound and expanding. And it is it is

really, really powerful and courageous. But it is possible

if you just start small. And it all starts with you noticing,

like, I want that thing. But I hear these stories in my head.

And knowing that like, these stories are not my truth. This

is and so I'm going to, I'm going to choose this one. And

I'm going to do it really carefully. And then that builds

evidence in our body when we do it that one time you do the live

on Instagram or you post the story and like you don't

actually die, nothing bad happens. And your body's like

body's like, oh, okay, create a new pattern. I can do this

again. And again and again. So that's so cool. And then the

other thing that you were saying about people reflecting back to

you, you know, you seeing like, oh, I want that I want that,

like I think that's so important to hear. Because it's so easy

for us to like, see things and then go into shame spirals of

like jealousy and feeling like we don't have it or we're not

good enough and but by seeing other people live things out

that spark something inside of you actually looking at it as

like what is what is the what desire of my own? Is that

revealing to me, because now I get to like thank that person

and now I can figure out how I can call that into it's just

trying to show you and also having compassion for the part

of yourself that does feel like a little brat like because she's

okay too. Because she's human.

Absolutely. It's such a good tie in

together. I want to ask you a question before we go towards

the end of our interview. I know that there are so many people

and you don't have to be a mother with young children to

feel exhausted. Yeah, I think exhaustion is something that's

pervasive in our culture. Life is busy. You know a lot of

people are working outside of the home taking care of children

even if you're in If you don't have kids, there can be a

tendency to be doing a lot. But with the work that you do, how I

don't think it takes a lot of time to rejuvenate ourselves to,

to almost like replenish and nourish in order to meet the

next day or two, almost like I'm going to suggest, like, feel

less exhausted. And have you found that it is in these

personal practices of maybe, maybe you don't even need a ton

of time. But by coming to yourself, like, Can you say a

little bit about that, or how you view that and how that can

help the exhausted listener or if they have someone exhausted

in their lives, because people tend to think that this takes a

lot of time,

ya know, so I think their productivity wound and

like that, needing to hustle and overdo it and go, go go is like

so. So, so deeply ingrained in us and like modern America, for

sure, in a patriarchal society, and like, where we've literally

been conditioned to have to produce and work and constantly

go and have these crazy, you know, standards of which to

work. I mean, there are other countries, they take siestas,

and they like, you know, they're just much different

environments. It's really intense here. And so it's, it's

a lot of obviously, like immigrants that have moved here.

And so the kids grow up feeling like they need to like work,

work work, and I'm one of them. And so it really draws this

connection around productivity and worthiness and there becomes

this lack of safety in our body if we feel like we need to, like

rest or throw our feet up or, or, you know, watch TV for a

little bit. Like I remember at one point I used to like when I

started even working for myself asking my husband like, is it

okay, if I watch TV a little bit, like I felt like I needed

permission, like, and then I'd feel so dysregulated and guilty

afterwards. It's really and so first, I just want to normalize

the fact that if you feel that, it's so, so common, and also

from that, first, I want to just address that, like, if you feel

that healing, that wound will be the most time saving and

productive and transformational thing that you can do for

yourself. And what I would recommend in that way is to

like, literally start small by allowing yourself to like, like,

if you feel guilty, here's an example. One of my friends was

telling me she felt felt guilty, like going to get her she worked

for somebody else going to get her nails done during her lunch

break, one week or whatever. And I said to her, I was like, you

have to look at like the fact that you getting your nails done

during your lunch break as part of your work. Because by you

doing that you're able to feel better about yourself and show

up differently for work. And it feels uncomfortable, but like do

it. And again, like we were talking about creating that

evidence and realize everything's still functioning,

everything's fine. And so do start small, like by allowing

yourself like a small thing, like a 15 minute, like walk

around 10 minute walk around the blog, whatever, when you feel

like you shouldn't, and really try to breathe, the parts of

yourself are gonna come I need to run back, I need to get to my

computer, Perris remind your body, I am safe, everything's be

okay, recognize that part of yourself that's coming up and

continue to like we were saying stretch into that edge of taking

that 10 minute walk even when it feels uncomfortable. And over

time, it'll get easier. And you'll start to actually have

more energy and capacity to give to your work or to your kids or

to your life that will actually offset all of the energy you're

draining for trying to overwork but you're actually not properly

fueled, and regulated. And then the so it's really and then the

other thing is so it really one of my point there is that it

benefits you and it benefits the whole ecosystem of whoever

you're working for or with or whatever. By doing that it's

actually adding to your you know, and then the other thing

is, you know, little things I would say I really like to do

this thing called energy buffers which is if you're going from

like work to home you know whenever we're say like in a

workplace or even if you're if you're a stay at home mom or if

you're wherever you are, that if you're out in the world or

connecting with people, you're absorbing energy all day from

inputs things, you're reading things or seeing other people

and even just if there's fast paced your your body is

absorbing it. And what if we don't like pause periodically by

pausing periodically throughout the day in between when we're

shifting, say from work to home, and just taking a two minute

like hand on heart hand on belly, taking a few breaths or

doing a little bit of a shake or doing some box breathing doing a

two minute insight time. or meditation, drinking some water,

but really just like literally consciously releasing everything

you've taken on from like, an accident, the day and then

walking into your house with the fresh energy and taking energy,

and then going into the grocery store, then what happens is by

the end of the day, you feel less exhausted and less burnt

out. Because typically, there's a combination of buildup of, you

know, you come home from work, you haven't released, and you're

exhausted. And then your husband says something to you, and you

haven't, like, come back into yourself, and you're built up

and filled up goes up, and then you snap at him, and you snap,

and you're you have it, you know, but if you just take a

minute, and you kind of like refuel throughout the day,

you'll feel a little bit better.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. And I feel

like I was just thinking, you know, if, if I feel exhausted,

just take it as a cue, you need to connect to yourself, period,

period, you don't need any more evidence than that, if you've

lost it, that's not something you said. It could be a whole

podcast, but just how often when I was a young girl or a teen, if

I wanted to take time for myself, or, or if I wanted to do

something that was authentically me. I felt like I had to feel

bad about it. Or like, like, if I was thinking about your friend

who wanted the manicure, it's like, on some level, we feel

like if I'm saying like, I feel bad about it, that is shame.

That is, right. And so that's a whole nother thing. But just I

loved our conversation today. There's just so much light shed

on so many areas of healing. So thank you for sharing your

story. Where can our listeners find your work? And how do you

work with people?

Yeah, thank you, I so enjoyed it as well. So best

place to find me is on Instagram at Misha Boehner. I also

obviously have a website, Misha vayner.com. And basically Misha

Boehner and all the places and I do coaching and events and

workshops. But the biggest thing is my glow and flow mastermind

is the best and most comprehensive and cost effective

way to work with me and the doors are open right now

actually. And it's a six month experience where I basically

take you from like disconnected and mind body, soul and life in

any part of you know, the spectrum to completely feeling

aligned, rejuvenated, deeply connected to yourself. And

living a life in flow to your body's natural rhythms and your

authentic truth is deeply transformational. The women that

have come through I mean have like, gone from like, fully

fully, like, you know, deaths and families, husbands going

blind, losing careers, going through divorces, like really,

really, really stressed out broken down to like, completely

starting afresh in ways that that stepping into part versions

of themselves. They never knew possible.

You want to get oh, yeah, yeah, that's good.

Good to know. Okay, so thank you, and thanks to the listeners

for being here. And as always share with a friend if you think

someone who could benefit but thanks, Misha. Thank you next

time. Thanks for listening to this episode of mystical

sisterhood. If you love what you heard, please visit Apple

podcasts and subscribe and leave a review and share with a friend

if you're called to do so. To learn more about my one on one

coaching programs, or join the mystical sisterhood membership,

visit Maureenspielman.com or mysticalsisterhood.com Thanks so