Ian Hawkins 0:02
Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.
I've had a few conversations this week that have gone the same way with people who aren't doing so well. Some friends, some people I coach. And it goes like this. Me saying you make sure you call me. If you're not doing well. If you're struggling. You do the same for me. If it's a friend, that's what I'd say. Or if it's a client's like I'm here for you. You've engaged me as your coach. I've told you, I want you to message me, or call me things aren't going so well. Don't wait for the next session, call me. And no matter which scenario it is, I get the same sort of response, particularly if it's the first time that I've had this conversation with him. And I find that really hard to do. Or fight really hard to ask for help. Sound familiar? There's a few things planned out here. Often, it's a product of what you witnessed growing up. You end up working yourself to the bone working so hard, because that's what you witnessed. You witness parents with a great work ethic and you've taken so much value from that. And you end up absorbing that behavior repeating it. Like the person I was coaching this morning, he said, like by osmosis. And it's true. And because of that you've got really high expectations of yourself. So you're pretty hard on yourself. You're also the sort of person that sets high standards. And you expect others to meet them. And you're frustrated when they don't. And it could be in the work environment it can be at home can be with friends. So there's an unconscious pattern there of you trying to impress upon your mom or your dad that you're a hard worker as well. You following in their footsteps. I want you to ever think about where this behavior might come from, because not their fault. Certainly not their fault. And it's definitely not your follow up. Generation before that maybe to experience wall depression, really tough times. So their survival depended on hard work. Of an extreme hard work and little to no rest. So hard work is important, most important, but there has to be a limit. don't really get anywhere or get any success unless you're willing to put in the hard work. But if that hard work doesn't have balance then it's going to be to your detriment because there's a limit or you're not you've reached the limit when when stuff starts going wrong with your health, at work and at home and other personal stuff the secret is to know what the triggers are, know when it's starting to unravel for you and take action before you get into a bad place. Better still remove this generation generational pattern altogether, which is a work I was doing my The person I coached this morning taking them through a process to, to let go of that pattern forever to be the powerful timeline process to go back that didn't need to know what the specific moment was it was to go back to that moment on the timeline, change that belief, change that pattern to something more healthy. And then we did it before we enter the future and see the the difference this word does.
So again, that phrase it's the, the, the over giver, the high achiever. Make sure you call me. Yeah. But I find that very hard to do. If I come back to what I said before, you want to make change, you want things to improve, you got to do things that are hard. They get past the limit. But you have to take on the hard stuff. If you want to change you've got to.
So when will be your moment that you'll tackle that hard challenge of getting help of reaching out? When everything blows up? When it all gets too hard when you're at your absolute depths? Or are you going to be proactive, like you want to work, get on the front foot. Take action before, before it gets to the point where you're really badly or before it gets too late. Too many people of my generation are taking their own life in Australia, way too many. And I've been to that edge. And I've worked with so many other people that have as well. And usually when you ask them where are we at when we got started? And I've had this exact phrase. Well, to be honest, I was about to kill myself don't wait to that point. Take action on what you know you need to take action. And that action is often accepting the invitation for help. Ever think about
how often have you been offered help assistance and then from a compliment to a gift to having someone pay for your lunch or for actual help? And you've been too proud or not received it. It's keeping you stuck to keeping you small, and it's to the detriment of your health. And it's to the detriment of your relationships. Your growth, consistent performances how you feel your energy heard someone describe it this like this the other day saying this idea of it's okay to be not okay. No, it's not fucking okay. It's not okay to not be okay. Or it should say is if you're not okay. It's time to take some action. It's normal to not be okay. But it's not okay. You shouldn't put up with it. And you should certainly shouldn't suffer in silence of being there. And it only gets worse. And I as I said to a friend of mine, a couple years ago, he was he was helping another friend through a loss in their family. And I said to him what I said, I know what you'll be doing. You'll be spending all your time and energy making sure everyone else is okay. But you've just been through something pretty harrowing. How ukP and of course, he wasn't going to say to him the same thing I'll say to you now. You don't have to get help from me. But get help from some way, find someone that's trustworthy. Find someone that you trust, that you can have a conversation, you can open up about things going on. And these things that we're struggling with, it's not generally something we can talk about with our partner because it emotionally triggers them. And they get concerned for lots of different things. And very few of us are armed with the resources to be able to deal with that and give a response that will be beneficial. When I wasn't for so long, I wasn't. And it's taken time in my relationship for us both to get to that point where we do have those skills that were not emotionally triggered, and that we can have those conversations. It doesn't mean that I still don't get help, I still have conversations with people who are external to my family. So I can open up about different things that I'm going through that I'm experiencing that different feelings that just don't make sense in my head and I need to externalize.
It, it is something you'll never regret. It'll be something that you'll just be so happy that you did. And the relief from letting go of something you've been carrying. worth its weight in gold.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat, email me at info at en Hawkins coaching.com. You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform
