How to Love Like the Lord: Overcoming Anger God’s Way

Hello, my sister in Christ. I hope you're having a beautiful and blessed day.

Thank you so much for joining me again.

And we're going to dive right back into our Love like the Lord series.

Just one more episode after this one and then we will have wrapped up 1 Corinthians 13 the love passage it's important that we know what love is and what love isn't,

which is why I love that Paul discusses both in this passage.

When Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13 that love is not easily angered and that it keeps no record of wrongs, he wasn't speaking about something simple or automatic.

He was pointing us to one of the most complex tests of love,

how we handle our emotions when we've been wronged.

Anger touches all of us.

It's universal.

Some people express it loudly,

while others will bottle it up and carry it around like a hidden weight.

But whether it boils over in an argument or simmers quietly inside,

anger has the power to propel us into a lot of sinful behavior.

The truth is,

God never said that we'll never feel angry.

What he calls us to is something much deeper not letting anger rule us,

not letting it define our choices,

and not letting it corrupt our hearts.

James 1:20 says it plainly.

Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

That's why today we're going to take a closer look at anger.

We're going to find out what it really is and how God teaches us to release it so that we can walk in love and in freedom.

Welcome to Born to Be a Butterfly, where we embrace healing and growth in Christ so that we can experience true transformation.

My name is Nina Pajones, and I pray that today's episode ministers to you.

Many people don't realize that anger is a secondary emotion.

Now you might be thinking,

what in the world does that mean?

So let me explain.

It means that typically one of the primary emotions,

such as fear or sadness can be found underneath the anger.

Feeling fear and sadness is very uncomfortable for some people because it makes them feel vulnerable and often out of control,

which is why people tend to avoid these feelings in any way they can.

One way to do this is by subconsciously shifting into anger mode.

Anger can be a means of creating a sense of control and power in the face of vulnerability and uncertainty.

So to be clear,

when they say that anger is a secondary emotion to sadness and to fear,

what they're saying is that the fear and the sadness are actually what's causing the anger.

They are the motivating factors of someone losing their temper or going off in a tirade.

If you dig deep enough,

you'll find out that what that person is really experiencing or what you're really experiencing is a reaction to feeling scared or maybe feeling sorrow.

We create a false illusion of control when we resort to anger,

and the truth is we are out of control when we operate from such a destructive space.

Often anger causes us to say things and do things that we normally wouldn't do,

and it's because we're not thinking clearly.

It's also very unfortunate that we can't change the consequences of those actions afterwards.

Let's be honest,

we have all said or done things that we regret to this very day.

There are words that we have put out there that we can never get back,

just as there are words that people have said to us that they can never take back.

And usually those moments are an expression of explosive anger.

And in those moments we can cause wounds or receive wounds that are very hard to heal.

So it's very important that we recognize our emotions for what they are as quickly as we can before we get to anger. Because if we can identify the anxiety or the sadness prior to having a fit of rage,

we will save ourself so much heartache and someone else as well.

It's very easy to react in anger instead of responding with righteousness,

but we have to try our best to,

because it could very easily and quickly start corrupting our spirit.

In recovery, we often preach practice the pause.

Essentially, that means I should take time to pause and reflect on what I'm feeling.

Then, once I'm in a calm state,

I can respond appropriately to someone.

Reflecting on it allows me to delve deeper past the anger to discover what I'm truly feeling,

whether it's sorrow,

disappointment, fear,

or something else.

It enables me to discern what really upset me in the first place,

and then I can discuss that maturely with the other person.

And now I'm going to read Ephesians 4:31 32 NIV.

Get rid of all bitterness,

rage and anger,

brawling and slander,

along with every form of malice.

Be kind and compassionate to one another,

forgiving each other,

just as in Christ,

God forgave you.

I want to point out that this passage in Ephesians is saying to let go of all rage and anger.

And while that might seem repetitive,

it's not.

We often think of those words as meaning the same thing,

but they don't.

What we are being asked to eliminate is all forms of anger,

because we must not deceive ourselves.

There are definitely different levels of it.

Anger that has been marinating long enough will become wrath and rage.

It grows in intensity the longer we hold on to it.

And some of us hold onto it like it's our job.

I know that it's difficult to forgive someone when they've hurt you,

especially when you know that it was intentional.

But it is necessary.

It is very hard to pray for our enemies,

but we must pray,

even if initially it is for the willingness to forgive.

Forgiveness is just as much for us as it is for them.

Forgiveness allows us to move forward.

Forgiveness is is freedom.

Because we are no longer being held captive by their corrupt character.

We are not meant to live in contention and conflict.

We are meant to live in Christ.

The Lord knows that we're not going to become experts at managing our emotions right away.

And we have to accept that emotional and spiritual growth takes time.

It doesn't happen overnight.

Growing consistently in Christ is our goal.

And with his help,

our chains will be broken.

Transformation takes time.

We need to give ourselves grace as we're trying to grow and as we're trying to get better at these things.

Transformation takes time.

It happens in stages.

So don't be surprised if the chains break slowly,

bit by bit,

and link by link.

Now I'm going to refer to Psalm 37. 8.

Refrain from anger and turn from from wrath.

Do not fret.

It leads only to evil.

The most dangerous form of anger is self righteous anger because it allows us to justify being mad and staying mad.

It gives us an excuse to hold onto it longer because we've clearly been mistreated or hurt.

However,

holding on to a grudge against someone doesn't glorify God.

We must realize that just because we have every reason to be angry at someone or about something,

it doesn't make it any less destructive to us.

Those reasons we cling to could very easily turn into seasons of wrath towards that person,

or maybe even at life.

Don't allow your reasons for anger to become seasons of anger.

Left unmanaged,

anger will change you because it doesn't just stay in one state,

it mutates,

it changes form and it manifests into other emotions such as bitterness,

cynicism and animosity.

Then those attributes are reflected in our behaviors and they redefine our character or at that point,

our lack of character.

If we stand on the mountain of moral high ground in self righteousness long enough,

we can soon look around and find ourselves living in the valley of vindictiveness.

And let me assure you that the Only victory that will be found in that valley is the one the enemy will declare over your soul.

A sign of emotional and spiritual maturity is when you no longer run or hide from unpleasant situations.

When you accept the fact that it is both necessary and healthy to have the hard conversations.

Now there's a good chance that you might be thinking,

but that leaves me vulnerable. I don't want them to know that they hurt me. I don't want to give them the satisfaction.

And I understand it is hard to be transparent when somebody has hurt you.

But that's pride.

And you cannot let pride keep you from your peace.

The only way that we contend is to our emotional wounds properly is to talk to the person who wounded us.

It also allows that person to make amends if they regret their actions now.

If they don't want to make amends because they couldn't care less about the fact that they hurt you,

then you know it's time to cut ties with that person.

You get to decide if they no longer belong in your life.

You can set that boundary and move on.

Then they will be in the rear view mirror of your life,

becoming smaller and smaller as you move forward until you get to the point where,

where you don't even see them anymore.

Eventually they will just disappear from sight.

They will disappear from your mind.

And I can almost guarantee that one day you will suddenly think of them out of the blue,

for whatever reason,

and then you will realize that you hadn't even thought of them in a very long time.

Trust me when I say that when that day comes,

you will be very happy that you handled things the way that you did.

Anger will always try to disguise itself as strength.

But in reality,

it drains us of the peace,

joy and freedom that God intends for us.

Love,

the kind of love that Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 13 calls us higher.

It calls us to pause before reacting,

to forgive even when it's hard,

and to keep no record of wrongs.

When we let go of anger,

we're not excusing what was done to us.

We're protecting our own peace.

When we forgive,

we're not letting someone off the hook.

We're choosing to live our life free from the chains of conflict and contention.

And when we practice setting healthy boundaries,

we are declaring that our dignity comes from Christ,

not from how others treated us.

Remember,

protecting your peace is essential.

It's what allows you to pursue your God given purpose.

Isaiah: 48:18

if only you had paid attention to my commands,

your peace would have been like a River,

your well being like the waves of the sea.

So the next time anger rises,

pause,

reflect on your emotions and find out what's truly bothering you.

Then once you're calm,

go back to the situation,

go back to the person and discuss things rationally to the best of your ability.

You might discuss it passionately,

but at least it won't be reactively.

At least you can measure your words so that you don't cause more harm to yourself or to anyone else.

We must choose Christ over chaos,

because that is where true faith, freedom is found.

And now I'd like you to reflect on these questions.

Number one,

when anger rises in your heart,

are you willing to pause and ask God what deeper emotion might really be driving it?

Two,

who or what are you still holding anger against?

And how is it affecting your peace and your purpose?

Number three,

what step can you take this week?

Whether it's forgiveness,

setting a boundary,

or extending grace to release anger and to protect your God given peace.

Let's pray.

Heavenly Father,

help us to pause before reacting,

to see the deeper hurts beneath our anger and to surrender those things to you.

Teach us to forgive quickly,

to set healthy boundaries,

and to protect the peace that you've given us.

Let our lives reflect your love,

patience and compassion.

In the mighty and magnificent name of Jesus,

we pray.

Amen.

You know, there was a song that I heard this week in my head. It just kept coming on like a radio,

like a radio station in my head.

And I kind of feel like it's fitting for this episode.

The song that I'm referring to that I'm going to sing a little snippet of right now,

speaks clearly to things changing and things getting better and seeing things more clearly,

which when we don't operate from a space of anger,

we can see things more clearly.

So the song is I Can See clearly now,

and it's by Johnny Nash.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone I can see all the obstacles in my way Gone are the dark clouds that held me blind it's gonna be a bright,

bright sunshiny day.

And that is my little song for you.

And it's not my best rendition and it's not a song that I normally sing,

but I don't know,

it just touched my heart this week and I wanted to share it with you.

And I pray that you've been having really beautiful and bright days. But if you haven't,

I pray that today is a bright day for you.

If today's message blessed you,

please share it with a friend.

A follow born to be a butterfly so you never miss an episode.

If you're ready to dive deeper into my story of healing and transformation,

you can get my book From Broken to Butterfly on Amazon.

If you have any questions or would like to connect,

send me a DM on Instagram @ Born to be a Butterfly or you can email me at ninapo pajonasmail.

Com.

You can find my email address in the episode description.

Until next time,

remember,

the Lord can turn your wounds into wings.

You were born to be a butterfly.

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