Why resist something you know it works well? In today’s episode, I’m sharing about how even when I know I’m more likely to follow through when I have external accountability, there are still times I resist it. I explore what’s going on, and questions you can consider if you are doing it too.

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You know those moments when you know what you should do, but even when

you know better, you still don't do it. It is one of the reasons

I created the Momentum formula to help people when they

find themselves stuck and not doing the thing that's in their best interest.

And if you've heard me talk about the formula, you've likely heard me talk

about accountability. It's a helpful tool for so many people

who are far more likely to follow through on something when there's external

accountability. But what happens when accountability

is the thing you're resisting? When it's the thing you know you should do because

it works well for you, but you still don't do it?

That's what we are exploring today. Why is this happening

and what can you do about it? And if you are listening right now and

you're actually not someone who needs external accountability, you

decide to do something and you follow through, then this episode still might help

you as a way to support other people around you

who do work well with it and who might need it in order

to follow through more effectively. Now, I speak from

firsthand experience here. I have been very open about how I

will struggle with follow through when there's no real deadline or what

I call true accountability. If I set my own

schedule and my own deadlines, I know there's a really good chance that when the

time comes I'm going to do something else, I'll put it off.

And this lack of external accountability in my brain

is like a lack of urgency. And my brain tends to

respond better to urgency when there's a real deadline.

So let's look at the reasons this might be happening. And

spoiler, a lot of this is mindset, but there are some other

reasons that could get in the way. So before we get into the mindset

stuff, let's look at a couple of the other causes.

First, I always like to look at the idea of is this a logical roadblock?

There's just something in between, whether that's information, skills,

et cetera. When you are looking for external

accountability to help you to follow through on something that matters to you,

sometimes there are a lot of options or a lot of things to consider.

And that can actually feel very overwhelming when we just have so many options to

choose from and you're not really sure which one's the right one. And if

there's a time commitment involved, like showing up at a certain time,

maybe there's a schedule that you have to consider. What is the cost if there

is a cost? Not all Accountability has a cost, but some does. Is there

travel involved? Are you actually going somewhere in person for

this accountability and meeting up with someone? And also is it the right

kind of structure to actually help me to follow through?

Sometimes accountability is incredibly specific. I think a

really good example is hiring a personal trainer to help you follow through

at the gym with a specific plan. And when I was in my 20s,

I joined a new gym in town and I decided to invest in a personal

trainer. It took some planning to make sure that it fit my schedule and my

budget, but once it did, it was the most consistent

I had ever been with working out and getting progressively stronger.

I had real results. Now, sometimes accountability

is more general where you are working on something on your own,

but you want to have support on that follow through. For

example, every Monday I meet with a group of other entrepreneurs

and content creators and we help keep each other accountable week to week,

even though we're all working on completely different projects

now. The second potential roadblock could be the

biological one around. Is this the right fit for me? Just because there is this

form of accountability does not mean it's actually going to suit you or that you're

going to want to stick with it. And there are so many questions to consider

with your preferences, like is it one to one support or

is this maybe in a group, is it online, is it in person, is it

scheduled check ins or meetups? Or is this done

asynchronously back and forth? If you are working with

someone else also, do you feel comfortable? Do you feel

respected? And actually, when I moved to a new town

in my early 30s, I wanted to create that consistency

that I had with my old personal trainer who obviously was not in the same

town as me. So I actually tried out a new trainer

at the gym I had signed up with. She was really nice and very

competent. She knew what she was doing. But as the weeks went on,

I started to get the feeling she didn't really like her job. Like when

we were together, she had to be there, I could sense it.

And it was like she was counting down the minutes until the session was done.

And regardless of what was actually happening in her head, to me, it

felt like she resented being there and I did not want to be on the

receiving end of that. And that did not last. It didn't work out. I

stopped personal training and honestly, that experience

impacted my willingness to go through it again, which

leads me to the next kind of roadblock, which is

psychological. And this is when we hesitate and we stay stuck

because of Fears. In some cases, the fears are obvious. Like

if you had a negative experience in, in the past and you don't want

to repeat that, you don't wanna waste your time, that can be really

frustrating and worrisome. If I'm investing time and maybe money

in this or maybe traveling, I. I could feel

reluctant to want to repeat that and have it not work out

again. But there are a lot of cases where the

fears are hidden below the surface. And when it comes

to accountability, I've noticed, at least for me, there's this

pattern of inner dialogue that I will notice resurface again

and again and again. So I'm hearing things,

these inner patterns and sentences. For example,

I will say things to myself like, I should be able to do this

on my own, or other people have no problem sticking

to this, so why can't I? There are

some times in my life where I do consistently follow through on things without

needing accountability. So why isn't this working? And

that's so frustrating. And at the heart of these statements,

when you really unpack, comments like I should be able to and other

people can do it, and why does it work sometimes and not others? These are

all connected to this assumption that needing

accountability is a weakness or maybe there's some sort of

inferiority, that other people just are better at

this. And when I start to unpack that, I get

curious and ask those questions. I realize, hold on. If

I were to ask myself if needing glasses

makes a person weak or inferior, I would say, of course not.

Their eyes are shaped differently and a lens helps them see

clearly. It's a tool you can use to help you.

Our brains are also wired differently from each

other. And sometimes brains that respond well to urgency and

external expectations, they can use accountability

as a kind of support. And also, I just happen to be someone

who needs glasses for distance. And similar

to my experience with accountability, sometimes I get by fine without

glasses. I start to get frustrated, though, when I

start to struggle and I'm not wearing them and things are challenging.

And then when I actually just suck it up and I put on my glasses,

I'm reminded of what a difference they make. I also maybe have been

prone to repeating like, wow, this is so much better with

my glasses on, as if I'm learning over and over and over again.

But wishing that I would always follow through on my

own expectations, my internal deadlines, is

sort of like wishing that my eyes were shaped differently.

It's kind of a waste of energy if I tried without

it and it's not working. Instead of just wishing I were different, then

it's about embracing it. But what if

you're actually fine with the idea of accountability? You embrace the

idea, you have nothing against it. You don't think that it's any kind of weakness,

which, by the way, I know logically this is not a weakness, but

sometimes it creeps in. This is where

sometimes we can still hesitate. So we're all on board for accountability,

but we're still hesitating. This is where I think the

accountability is not the issue. You're not

hesitating because of the accountability, but you're hesitating

because what happens if you do take consistent

action on your goal or your pursuit? In other words, you

want to follow through and you're open to using accountability. But

what if something bad happens when you do? For example, if I give

it a real shot, what if I find out that I'm not good enough at

this? Or what if I fail in front of other people and that

I don't want that to happen? Or what if this works and

I don't really like who I become when this happens?

What if I find out I actually just made the wrong choice and

I've spent all this time going down the wrong path and pursuing something

that was a mistake? Or there are some cases where

people might say, well, what if people around me, maybe my family will start

to resent how much time I am spending on this new

pursuit or project. So you can see there are all sorts of different examples and

every single person is different. But it's not actually about resisting the

accountability. You're resisting taking action just in case something

bad happens. And this can happen with anything where we feel stuck.

Okay, so I just went through the roadblocks, but what

do you actually do? And my advice is always start

logical with a method. So what are my

options for accountability? Sometimes we know some off the top of

our head. You know, if we go back to the idea of strength training, a

really obvious one is a personal trainer. But another one might be join

a class. It could be using an app. You could get an accountability

buddy. There are all sorts of ways that you can build in accountability,

and there are probably a bunch you could name off right away. But there are

also probably some other options you don't know about. And actually, I think this is

a really good example for using AI to help you research.

What are some options? Maybe you want in person options, local in town,

maybe you want online options, but you can research and

just start to gather all the different opportunities you have. And see

if that's a good fit. Also, does it work within your schedule, your

budget and all of that? Then switch over to

biological with your mode. So what do you know about yourself in

the past? What has worked before and what do I prefer?

When have I been really consistent before and what kind of

accountability was I using if I was using it? And also

what are the people that I wanted to be around? What were the environments that

actually worked really well and for things that didn't work, if you got

burnt, what did you learn and what can you look for for the next time

so that it is a good fit? Then finally, after

you've looked at those two, that's where I want you to get curious about these

hesitations and your mindset. Why am

I resisting? Am I resisting because I just wish that I could be more

like other people? Am I resisting this because I don't want to admit that I

need support for this? Or am I actually just worried about the thing

itself? And in that case, what evidence

is there that maybe contradicts my concerns or my worries?

And are there other people who are doing this and they're not having the same

negative outcomes that you are worried will happen?

And of course it's not always going to go perfectly. And if

things do not go exactly as planned, am I still going to be okay? Do

I have evidence behind me that says, yeah, you know what, you've

overcome difficulties in the past and you'll figure this out.

No matter the roadblock, the next step is taking action.

And I know this is a part where we can kind of get stuck, especially

if we have to make choices. We've got to make some decisions and we're worried

about making the wrong one. This is where I really recommend

giving yourself a time bound trial. I've talked about this

before, but I want to mention it again. It's around giving yourself clear

timelines to decide to prepare and then give it

a try. You are not getting married to this idea.

You are just testing it out. This is a trial. It's like dating. And

I really like the 333 approach. And

it's about testing one option for long enough to learn if it works

well. For example, if it's a really simple choice like I just need

to pick an app to help me stay accountable.

Maybe you're just doing kind of a daily checklist and you want to try it.

Give yourself three minutes to just pick an app, three hours to learn how

it works and then try it for three days. It's really quick. If this is

a low stakes decision. If it's a slightly bigger one, maybe you give

yourself three hours to do some research and make a decision,

three days to prepare. Maybe that means signing up for something,

finding a personal trainer. We'll just use that example. And then you give maybe

three weeks to try. And then of course, if it's, it's a bigger,

a bigger decision that has higher stakes and is a little bit harder to reverse,

maybe you give yourself three days to do research, three

weeks to prepare, and then three months to give it a try. Those are

just, those are arbitrary deadlines. But my brain really likes the three, three, three

of it all. Is this really tiny three minutes, three hours, three

days. Is it a little bit smaller than you can do?

Is it three hours, three days and three weeks, or

three days, three weeks and three months? To me, it's just, it's this

way of saying, I'm going to give this a try. I am not committing to

this for life. But this gives you enough information to

know what worked and what didn't work so that you can factor that

into maybe the next trial. If this did not work for you.

And it might not happen right away. Finding the right fit but

when you do find the type of accountability that really

works, it is a powerful tool to help you

both find and keep your momentum.