Let's look at why blending in dulls our lives and how standing out—through honesty, values, and self-expression—creates deeper connection and fulfilment.
BTW - If you didn't already know, I'm Sarah - Drink Less; Live Better founder, best-selling author, expert speaker, life coach and, as you already know, podcast host!
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Transcripts
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Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less, Live Better podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I'm really glad you're here. Today we're talking about standing out because somewhere along the line many of us learned that blending in was safer. It was safer to agree. It was safer to not rock the boat. It was safer to wear the neutral outfit, say the expected thing, laugh at the right moment, and keep the deeper thoughts tucked away, never seeing the light of day. And that totally makes sense. We're social beings. We want connection. We need to belong. And I'm here to tell you there is a cost to constantly editing yourself to fit in. When you blend in too much, you dilute the bit that makes you you, and the world misses out on the extraordinary being that you really are.
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A few years ago, I was going through a really unsteady time, and although I couldn't have said it at the time, I'll say it now. I was miserable. I felt wrung out, and I was often exhausted. I had taken a couple of days away with a group of friends on a trip we do together every year, and I was telling my friend I didn't feel quite right. And she said to me, "Yes, I can see that. You are grey." We really fell about laughing because I happened to be wearing a completely grey outfit, and I hadn't slept very well, so my face was a shade of grey too. I was grey in look, in thought, and indeed, it all lined up perfectly.
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That moment was a pivot point. Well, maybe not that exact moment, but very soon afterwards, after I'd had a bit of time to let it all settle. I decided I was going to make an exit from that grey phase, and no one thing moved the dial for me, but it was a lot of different things over an extended period of time, and I decided this phase of greyness was going to be phased out. And I didn't know it then, but standing up and standing out were to be part of my next development.
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Standing out can be as simple as what you choose to wear, how you portray yourself to those around you, not for anyone else's approval, but as an expression of how you feel inside. When I was in my grey phase, I was most definitely showing other people how I felt. Either other people didn't notice, and why should they, or they did notice and didn't say anything, apart from that one friend on the weekend away, of course. There's something really lovely about choosing the dress that makes you feel yourself, even if it's a bit bolder than what everyone else is wearing. There's something good about putting on the orange T-shirt instead of the navy one, fabric sunshine for everyone to enjoy. There's something about not claiming beige as your uniform. Wearing colour, wearing texture, wearing something that feels like joy, and allowing the person you are to be seen. This is good. When you show up in a way that feels true, you give other people a bit of permission to do the same. You become a lighthouse reminding others that they don't have to dim themselves either. I say all of this, and then also I need to let you know that the teenagers I live with choose a relentless wardrobe of grey, navy, and black. Maybe I need to think about that a bit.
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Another way we might choose to stand out or blend in is how we advocate for ourselves. Can you have your own opinions, your own insights, your own way of seeing things, and are you willing to express them even when they don't actually align with everyone else in the room? It might look like saying, "Actually, I see things differently," or choosing not to laugh along when something doesn't sit right, or offering a perspective that comes from lived experience, not just what's expected. If you consistently hold back your thoughts to keep the peace, you start to lose trust in your own voice. You second-guess your instincts. You become a little less certain of where you stand. Trusting that your perspective has value, trusting that your voice deserves a space, is gold.
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Another way we stand out is through how we act, particularly when it comes to our values. It's one thing to know what matters to you, and it's quite another to live it. Maybe you value honesty, but sometimes you find it easier to gloss over the awkward conversations. Maybe you value your well-being, but the old pattern would be to say yes when you really mean no. Maybe you value presence, but your phone is calling your attention elsewhere. Standing out here often looks like making the choice that aligns with your values even when it's slightly inconvenient, even when no one else is watching, especially when no one else is watching, perhaps. Those small decisions repeated over time create a life that feels good, a life that feels like just the right fit.
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Okay, blending in. There are moments when it's appropriate, when it's kind, when it's simply easier. But when blending in becomes your default setting, it does you and everyone around you a disservice. When you hold back your ideas, your conversations stay surface level. When you mute your personality, your relationships can feel a little bit flat, a bit distant. When you hide your joy, your creativity, your quirks, the world becomes a slightly more beige place, and for those people around you too. That low-level dissatisfaction, that sense that something is missing, even when everything looks fine on paper.
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Okay, a few final thoughts then. Standing out isn't about becoming a whole new you. It's about removing some of the layers that were never really you in the first place. It's about letting your thoughts be heard, letting your values guide your actions, and letting your joy be visible. You might worry about being judged and about being too much, but here's something to consider. The people who really want to be with you, the people who really want to get you, will only find you when you're being yourself. Maybe standing out looks like wearing something that lifts your mood. Maybe it looks like sharing an honest opinion in a conversation. Maybe it looks like making one small decision that aligns with what really matters most to you. One small decision.
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You can find me on Instagram at drinklesslive better and online at drinklesslive better.com, where you'll find lots of supportive resources. You can check out today's podcast show notes for a link to a hidden episode that will help with 5:00 PM cravings and details about my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programmes. And PS, I believe in you.
