Grief is not exclusive to death. Guest Shameka Williams, founder of Those Without Mothers, and From Grief to Love, shares her journey with grief and the lessons she learned, including:

• Giving yourself permission to grieve
• How grief, loss, transition intertwine
• What can happen if we don't process our grief
• The difference between processing feelings and stewing in them
• How grief is like a weed

To learn more about Shameka, visit www.thosewithoutmothers.com, or find her on Instagram @shamekaspeaks, @thosewithoutmothers, @thebipolarpodcast, and @fromgriefwithlove.

About Your Host, Carmelita / Cat / Millie Tiu

Mom, spouse, coach, podcaster, wordsmith, legal eagle.  Endlessly curious about how we can show up better for ourselves – because when we do that, we also show up better for our kids and those around us.  Visit carmelitatiu.com to learn more about Cat, and for info on 1:1 coaching, the mom collective, and her monthly newsletter.

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

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For more doses of information and inspiration:

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You're going to have to feel the feelings.

2

And most of us don't want

to do that because it hurts.

3

Grief will wait for you.

4

Loss will wait for you.

5

It will be on the sidelines until

you're ready to deal with it.

6

But the longer you take to deal

with the issues, the more it'll

7

have an effect on you as a person.

8

Hello, all I'm Carmelita too.

9

And welcome to season three of know them.

10

Be them.

11

Raise them.

12

Uh, show to help busy, mindful growth

oriented moms stay informed and inspired.

13

As they navigate their daughters,

tween and teen years So during

14

this break between seasons

two and three, I've been busy.

15

A good chunk of my busy-ness was

related to building my coaching

16

skills and practice and making

progress towards my ICF accreditation.

17

So proud of myself for that.

18

Um, I also continue to work on a

community for moms and podcast listeners.

19

That vision continues to

evolve in exciting ways.

20

And to stay in the know and get

updates or if you're curious about

21

coaching, head to knowberaisethem.com.

22

Uh, you can sign up for my

newsletter there and you can follow

23

@knowberaisethem on Instagram.

24

And now let's move on to the episode.

25

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Today's guest is Shemeka Williams.

26

After openly dealing with the loss

of her mother, Shemeka realized that

27

many others needed support and help

dealing with this life changing loss.

28

Being impactful and speaking life into the

world became a personal mission for her.

29

And she founded the organization,

Those Without Mothers.

30

She's also a motivational speaker

who has traveled to various colleges,

31

spreading the word about the importance

of caring for one's mental health.

32

She realized there was a major

deficit in the mental health

33

field that centered around grief,

specifically losing a parent.

34

Determined to help fill the gap.

35

She has continued to present many

tools and resources to members of that

36

community that need a helping hand.

37

Although Shemeka has helped those in

her community, she's determined to aid

38

those around the world with processing

their grief in a healthy manner.

39

Her purpose is her passion.

40

And her goal is to make sure

no one has to grieve alone.

41

Here's our conversation.

42

Hi, Shameka.

43

Thank you for joining me.

44

Shameka Williams: Yes,

I'm so excited to be here.

45

Thank you for having me.

46

It is a pleasure to meet

you and be on your platform.

47

Absolutely.

48

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: I just

wish the listeners could bask in the

49

warmth and energy that you exude.

50

I can see it through the camera.

51

Of course, podcasts

52

Shameka Williams: you.

53

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

not being a visual, medium.

54

The listeners may not enjoy

that, but I'm just thrilled to

55

be sharing space with you today.

56

Shameka Williams: Oh, thank you.

57

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: So I'd love

to hear a little bit about how you got

58

your start doing the work that you do.

59

Shameka Williams: Yeah.

60

So I, I got my start initially when my

mother passed away, my mother passed

61

away about I want to say 13 years ago.

62

And when my mom passed away,

I went through a season of

63

very destructive behaviors.

64

You know, there was addictions, there

were things that I was trying to do

65

to fill the hole that my mother left.

66

And so.

67

Coming from that I learned that

there were so many people who were

68

like me who didn't have any support.

69

they didn't know how

to navigate this space.

70

And, you know, thank God I was able

to kind of get the therapy I needed

71

and get the help that I needed.

72

But one of the things that really

helped me was, although I love therapy

73

I found a grief coach and the difference

was that they guide you, right?

74

I think therapy is amazing, but I needed

somebody that could walk me day by day

75

through what I needed to do to kind

of navigate this newness in my space.

76

And because of that I've realized

that, you know, grief is not

77

a one size fits all, right?

78

There are different methods

for different people.

79

And so, you know, that's

kind of where I came from.

80

And then as time went on, so

many other people that I love

81

were losing their mothers.

82

And I created kind of like

a private thing for us.

83

Like, okay, well, we'll

just support one another.

84

But then it was kind of like, no, you

can't just do it for a private group.

85

We need to do this publicly.

86

there are way more people that need the

support than the people that you know.

87

And so from that day forward when, you

know, God kind of dropped it in my spirit,

88

I, I left it and I was like, all right,

well, this is what we're going to do.

89

And you know, I've been

doing it ever since.

90

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: I, I love

how you took your awareness of your

91

emotional space and shared that with

others, you and, and took action.

92

I think a lot of times we folks may

see commonalities with other people.

93

and it may stay there, but your

calling clearly was to move forward

94

and provide support with a broader

audience, a broader community.

95

And really helping to process

those tough times, and turning your

96

grief into a catalyst for growth.

97

Shameka Williams: Definitely.

98

You can either let it make you bitter

or you can let it make you better.

99

for me for a while it did make me bitter.

100

Right.

101

But I realized that I wasn't hurting

anyone but me and that is absolutely

102

not how my mother raised me or how

she would have wanted me to live.

103

And so I had to stay firm in the fact

that I knew better and I could do better.

104

And kind of just how I move

forward to help myself grow and

105

move through those, you know, art.

106

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Yeah.

107

Well, I love that phrase you

just said about you can be

108

bitter or you can be better.

109

you know, when thinking about grief,

something that I know you and I are

110

kind of curious about and can chat about

today is this idea to have grief, really

111

applying to loss in a number of contexts,

whether it's loss of an identity,

112

loss of your particular dream, etc.

113

Shameka Williams: Mm hmm.

114

Yeah.

115

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: kind of coping

with grief in other contexts as well.

116

Just speaking from personal experience.

117

I know that letting go of

these preconceived notions

118

you might have for your kids.

119

That's something that a number of moms

and I have talked about on occasion,

120

these, these tiny goodbyes as they

grow into their own people, and the

121

complexities that come with that, you

122

know,

123

audioShamekaWilliams11486949567: yeah,

124

Shameka Williams: I think that

you put it so well, right?

125

You said that you don't

expect these things, right?

126

You don't.

127

And sometimes you get disappointed based

off of your own expectations, right?

128

So grief is not exclusive to that.

129

It is just exclusive to those things

that we lose and that can be yourself

130

that can, we lose ourselves when we

became, when we become a mom, right?

131

And.

132

We oftentimes try to get back to that

person when we will never be the person

133

that we were before we had children.

134

And sometimes when we have those

expectations that, hey, I'll

135

go back to be this person when

they're grown up is unrealistic.

136

And then it caused this, this kind

of condemnation on ourselves, like,

137

Oh, well, you know, I did bad.

138

I didn't do this.

139

No, it's not that you just you'd

never be that person again.

140

And I'm big on transition.

141

Right.

142

Grief is about transition.

143

And in order for you to be able

to transition into any space, into

144

any time period in your life, you

have to be able to adapt to change.

145

And one of the things that

human beings in general struggle

146

with is adapting to change.

147

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Mm, mm,

148

Shameka Williams: and so what I've learned

in my space is that my son is 16, right?

149

And soon he'll be out the house.

150

And he, he used to be a mama's boy,

but now I don't even know, you know,

151

I see him when I see him, he lived with

me, but you know, they do their thing.

152

One thing that I, I realize

is that me holding on to him.

153

It's not gonna help him.

154

It's not.

155

It's not gonna help

him be a better person.

156

There are certain, and I had to, like,

really talk to some wise people who

157

said, you being super strict or you

want him in your sight every second

158

of every day, it's not helping him.

159

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: mm,

160

Shameka Williams: Not just

that, it's not helping me.

161

Because oftentimes we leave,

when we become mom, we lose

162

our dreams, our aspirations.

163

When really, in reality, we need to

be able to show our children that you

164

can be a mom and still have a life.

165

You can be a mom and still take care

of yourself because if you're a mom

166

and you're not taking care of yourself,

everything else fall , everything else.

167

And so we have to learn to take

care of ourselves and your identity

168

has to be bigger than your child.

169

And I know for some

people that's like, Oh,

170

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: mm,

171

Shameka Williams: no, your identity has

to meet when people ask you who you are.

172

It has to be more than

just, well, I'm a mom.

173

Okay.

174

And because what happens is then

when you're not that, that mom.

175

In the forefront, you

don't know who you are.

176

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: right.

177

Shameka Williams: And so it's so

important to hold on to pieces of who

178

we are, what we like, what we don't

like in the midst of being a great mom.

179

we have to stop placing these

expectations on us because unmet

180

expectations equals disappointment.

181

And so we just have to allow

ourselves to be who we need to be.

182

And it's going to take

time to get a balance.

183

But just trying to figure it out is

better than, you know, just sitting in

184

it and just saying, well, this, this is

all I am because not way more than that.

185

Way more.

186

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Yeah.

187

And it's so true how when you become a

mom, especially when they're little, and

188

I think it's, it's sort of endemic to

the, the act of raising an infant and a

189

toddler, like they need you for so much.

190

And if that becomes your sole

identity, it is a bit dangerous.

191

Because once they start becoming

independent, becoming their own

192

people, it, yeah, that, that sense

of who am I, how do I function?

193

I can imagine it manifests

in different ways.

194

Like you might want to control things

more than you should, or you might.

195

Like you were saying, you just sort of

lose the sense of who you are and then, I,

196

I am a huge believer in, you know, what's

good for you as a mother is ultimately

197

what's good for your kids as well.

198

So if that means self care, if that

means pursuing your own dreams, even

199

in baby steps showing up in that way

for yourself will ultimately also

200

help your kids become better people.

201

Shameka Williams: Yeah.

202

And I think it's also especially

because our children watch us.

203

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Yes.

204

Shameka Williams: They

are, they are sponges.

205

I people all the time, if you don't teach

your children, how to deal with trouble,

206

they are going to figure it out on their

own and sometimes not in the best ways,

207

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: mm, mm hmm,

208

Shameka Williams: so they need to

see you going after your dreams.

209

They need to see you doing self care and

taking time away from them for yourself,

210

because then when they get older, they

realize it's okay for me to prioritize me.

211

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

hundred percent, yep,

212

Shameka Williams: Right, because

213

audioShamekaWilliams11486949567: I

214

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: they to see

215

Shameka Williams: I, I've seen so many

kids like, well, I, I'm not gonna cry.

216

I'm not gonna, because I watched

my mother be a superwoman.

217

She never cried.

218

She never did.

219

And we're, in reality,

that's, that's not good.

220

That's not good.

221

So we need to be able to show our

children real emotions and what

222

really is happening, you know?

223

And it's necessary.

224

It's necessary for growth

for them and for you.

225

Yeah,

226

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: And on

that point about showing emotions,

227

you know, it brings me back to grief.

228

And when we experience grief, whether

it be through loss of an opportunity

229

loss of a friendship, you know, what

would you say are kind of the top

230

things to keep in mind or tips for

navigating those sorrowful moments?

231

How do we move from that

bitter place to a better place?

232

Mm.

233

Mm hmm.

234

Shameka Williams: I think one of

the main things is processing it.

235

And allowing yourself to sit with it.

236

So often we live in a

microwave society now.

237

And so everything is supposed to be fast.

238

Like, I'm gonna heal fast.

239

As long, as long as I just

be like, okay, it happened.

240

No, you're gonna have to process it.

241

You're going to have to feel the feelings.

242

And most of us don't want

to do that because it hurts.

243

Grief will wait for you.

244

Loss will wait for you.

245

So it will be on the sidelines

until you're ready to deal with it.

246

But the longer you take to deal

with the issues, the more it'll

247

have an effect on you as a person.

248

And so if you can sit down and say,

hey, This is what hurt me, but also

249

in every loss, there is a lesson.

250

So a lot of times, one of my main

things I tell people in my grief support

251

group is, Hey, you have to find out

what the lesson is, even in this loss.

252

if you don't, what happens

is you will repeat the same

253

behaviors when you lose again.

254

Loss is inevitable.

255

You know, they taxes and death is the most

sure thing, but loss is a sure thing too.

256

Right.

257

You're going to lose throughout your life.

258

So if you can kind of figure out,

Hey, when I lose, I need to process my

259

feelings, but then also use every tip

-adapting to change, sitting through

260

it, and then allowing ourselves to learn

the lessons that need to be taught.

261

Those things alone can not only help

you in your situation, but it can

262

also help you to teach your children

how to navigate their own trouble.

263

Because a lot of times, you know,

especially in the younger generation

264

now we're using alcohol and drugs and,

know, we're trying to fill spaces.

265

Right.

266

A lot of unhealthy relationships, and

this is something that I experienced.

267

A lot of my unhealthiest relationships

were because I was trying to fill

268

a spot for something that I lost.

269

And because of that, it was destructive.

270

It was toxic.

271

But if had I been able to sit with

what happened and be able to take the

272

lessons from it and grow from it, I

probably would be much better off,

273

and that that's my suggestion.

274

You have to sit with it, even if you have

to say, Hey, I need to take two days.

275

Cry for one day and then figure out,

you know, my feelings the next day.

276

That's fine, too.

277

fine, too.

278

You know, so.

279

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

In terms of processing, you

280

know, that resonates with me.

281

This idea of you have to figure

out, like, take some time to

282

analyze, feeling the feelings and

addressing what's my takeaway here?

283

Yeah.

284

Cause you know, I I've heard it

said that we gravitate towards what

285

our nervous system thinks is safe.

286

audioShamekaWilliams11486949567: Mm hmm.

287

Mm

288

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: And

sometimes just because it's what we're

289

familiar with, the familiar feels safe.

290

And if our familiar is negative or toxic

or, you know, not necessarily good for

291

us, that we'll continue those patterns

because they're quote unquote safe.

292

But like you were saying, if we learn

from it, then we can take action

293

to move through the discomfort,

to use that grief to propel you

294

towards something, towards growth.

295

So, you know, you, you sort of set up

this example of feeling the feelings,

296

and sitting with it, and then kind of

moving forward, how does someone know

297

whether they're processing or stewing?

298

That's something that I think people,

myself included, sometimes grapple

299

with, especially when I look at my

kids, I think, you know, are they

300

still processing or are they stewing?

301

Shameka Williams: Yeah, if they, you

know, I think when we're processing,

302

sometimes, you know, we're kind of

in an out of body experience, right?

303

I think sometimes we're really

thinking about the entire

304

situation, the entire circumstance.

305

And we're really trying to process

What happened and why it happened.

306

One of the things that

humans need is a why.

307

I have no idea,

308

When somebody dies, they'd be like,

all right, well, tell me how they died

309

because they want to know why they

310

audioShamekaWilliams11486949567:

died, right?

311

Shameka Williams: Because we want

to find something to identify with

312

and say, oh, okay, well, they died

because they had a heart attack.

313

Well, I didn't have a heart

attack, so I'll be okay.

314

if it's else, then maybe I

should go get my blood work

315

done because they died this way.

316

We, that's, that's how

317

audioCarmelita(Cat)Ti21486949567: It's

318

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: so true.

319

I think about relationships and breakups.

320

People wanna know, why did you And then

321

audioShamekaWilliams11486949567: Exactly.

322

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: to learn.

323

Yep.

324

Mm-hmm.

325

. Mm-hmm.

326

Shameka Williams: So the thing

about it is if you're processing,

327

you're thinking about how it's

going to affect your future.

328

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Mm-hmm.

329

Shameka Williams: If stewing, it,

oftentimes it's just like you're

330

sitting there, you're processing

it, but you still are not over the

331

hump of understanding what happened.

332

You're still like, yeah, well, maybe in

another world, it could be this way, like,

333

you're, you're still negotiating with

yourself about what's happening and, and,

334

how things could have been different.

335

Whereas when you're processing,

you understand that it happened

336

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Right.

337

Shameka Williams: you know, you're

like, okay, it's, it's done.

338

It's, it's the end.

339

Right.

340

Whereas stewing sometimes you

go back and forth with yourself.

341

It's this bargaining chip.

342

Like, well, maybe if I did this

or no, so that's the difference.

343

The difference is you knowing it's an end

and the other is I'm bargaining that it

344

might not be the end or it could be that.

345

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Yeah.

346

What, what I'm hearing you say

is basically acceptance, right?

347

Where stewing is this refusal to

accept that this is an end, that this

348

is something to move forward from.

349

Whereas processing is sort

of looking at it for what it

350

was and choosing to move on.

351

Hmm.

352

Hmm.

353

Yeah.

354

That makes

355

a

356

Shameka Williams: it's not neither.

357

Neither one is easy.

358

I'm not, I say it like,

yeah, just process.

359

No, it's hard.

360

It's hard.

361

It's very hard, but it's necessary

for you to grow and I am one of

362

those people that definitely believes

everything happens for a reason.

363

So there's something that is preparing you

even with this situation as you process

364

to go to the next level in your life,

to go to the next level in your purpose.

365

And so it was a lesson that you

had to learn so that you could be

366

better prepared for the next lesson.

367

That's why it's so necessary to process.

368

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Yeah.

369

And ─┅┅ you know, what you were

saying about people being wired

370

to want a why, you know, wanting

an explanation that makes sense.

371

We want, we want things to make sense.

372

So often we don't have that, right?

373

Like whether it's loss, unexpected loss,

why that person or in a relationship, why,

374

why did this person make that decision?

375

Like what?

376

Yeah.

377

So understanding that part of that

processing is just accepting and

378

moving on I can see how that's so

pivotal and important to really

379

reaching that place of growth.

380

Yeah.

381

Shameka Williams: Definitely.

382

It's, it's necessary and it's vital

in order for you to really be able to

383

say, Okay, I'm moving through this.

384

And

385

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Hmm.

386

Shameka Williams: going to

get through this, right.

387

Because otherwise you'll be stagnant.

388

And the longer you're stagnant, the

more things pile on top of it, you

389

know, becomes complicated grief,

390

And complicated grief means things just

piling on top of it and it gets worse.

391

when you have complicated grief

is you literally have to unpeel

392

back back all of those layers.

393

Before you can really deal with the

root of the problem, whereas if you're

394

processing when it happens, you're

dealing with the root and you're

395

going to pull it up from the root.

396

If you're a gardener, you know, if

you don't pull the weeds up from

397

the root, just going to, it's just

going to grow right back, but if you

398

pull it up from the root, it's gone.

399

And that's, that's kind of how

you have to think about it.

400

Like, Hey, we got to pull this thing up

from the root so that it doesn't resurface

401

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: I love that.

402

I love that mental image.

403

Shameka Williams: yes, what you

don't deal with, it will come back.

404

Okay.

405

And it comes back sometimes

unconsciously, it'll come back and you'll

406

be like, Oh, I thought I dealt with it.

407

But then you get in another

relationship and now the problems

408

from the other relationship are here

because you never process it properly.

409

So, you know, we have to understand

that it all, it all comes together if

410

we don't process how we've feeling.

411

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Yeah.

412

I feel like we've covered a lot of

ground in a short amount of time.

413

I'm so grateful for that.

414

is there anything we haven't

covered from the perspective of.

415

Like how you would encourage folks to

think about grief ,processing grief,

416

and I, I, I wanna make sure there's

nothing you feel is left unsaid.

417

Shameka Williams: Yeah, I think the

only thing that I would say is that.

418

You, you are enough.

419

And oftentimes when we grieve,

whether it's a death or whether

420

it's a loss of a relationship or

friendship or even ourselves, right?

421

I know a lot of people, my mom,

she passed away from breast cancer

422

and what I found was when she

was diagnosed, she lost herself.

423

She lost who she was, you

know, before her diagnosis.

424

And I, I just want people

to know that you are enough.

425

you are strong enough to move

through whatever it is that you lose.

426

Right?

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But you have to reveal it.

428

What, what you don't

reveal, it can't be healed.

429

So you have to move through it,

understanding that I have to let this out.

430

Whether through a therapist,

a coach, a friend.

431

The longer you keep it in, the

more dangerous it becomes to

432

your spirit and to your mind.

433

And grief often leads to mental illness.

434

On my podcast being bipolar, I didn't

find out that I was bipolar until I

435

lost my mom because it ignites something

in your mind and your spirit that you

436

don't even realize that it's happening.

437

And so I just encourage people to

understand that they are not alone and it

438

happened to them, but it also happened for

them, And sometimes it's hard to see that.

439

When you're hurting so bad, right.

440

But there was a there's a reason

for everything that happens.

441

And sometimes that's why we have to

go back and look at those lessons

442

and things that we've been through.

443

It's unfair.

444

The fact that that my mom is

gone is unfair, but I learned

445

so many lessons from it.

446

And now I can actually help somebody else.

447

You never go through things just for you.

448

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Mm-hmm.

449

Shameka Williams: You always go through

things to also help other people, and some

450

of those people are your children, right?

451

your children need to see you grieve.

452

They need to see you hurt, because

they need to know that these are real

453

emotions, and it's okay to feel them.

454

So much of society has told

them you don't need to cry.

455

You don't need to feel, just get over it.

456

I had so many people tell me, it's

just, you'll be fine, just get over it.

457

You know, and it's just like,

I don't think so, you know.

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So take your time.

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And, you know, it's sad that we don't

give people more time to for bereavement

460

like jobs only give three days.

461

But honestly, you take the time that

you need, and you got to choose you.

462

You have to choose you.

463

I actually left a job because

I said, no, I have to choose my

464

mental capacity because if I'm not

okay, nothing else will be okay.

465

So always choose you, always choose you.

466

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Hmm.

467

you, know, I, I typically wrap up

each podcast episode asking the guest

468

to share a quote or an affirmation.

469

And I feel like you've just given

me like five wisdom bombs already.

470

But on that note, is there any quote or

something that you would like to share

471

above and beyond what you've already done,

472

Shameka Williams: Yeah, I, I think the

only thing that I would say is that

473

sometimes we feel like our prayers, our

tears are in vain, but they are not.

474

So every time you cry.

475

Whether you believe in God,

the universe, whatever it is.

476

There is someone or something

there that is going to lift

477

you because you have suffered.

478

Suffering is inevitable.

479

We know that, but there is an

assignment to every tear that you cry

480

and just don't give up on yourself.

481

Don't give up and give

yourself so much grace.

482

We are, especially women,

so hard on ourselves.

483

hard and please give yourself grace

and allow yourself to feel what you

484

need to feel to prioritize yourself.

485

Because that's the only

way you'll make it.

486

What a powerful conversation.

487

as humans navigating this journey of life.

488

We invariably deal with

change, transition and loss.

489

And we know this intellectually, but in

our fast paced world, whether it's hustle

490

culture or capitalism or productivity

junkies or whatnot, It sometimes feels

491

like it's a lot harder to find the

time to process and reflect on these

492

things and the impact they have on us.

493

On some level I think I

used to think of grief.

494

As being reserved for

situations involving death.

495

It really wasn't until my divorce and the

huge changes that came along with that.

496

But I had to confront laws and

recognize grief in a very real way.

497

So.

498

It just makes me grateful

for my chat with Shameeka.

499

It was a wonderful reminder that

grief comes in all shapes and sizes.

500

And we are strong enough to move

through and grow from all of our losses.

501

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Here are my key takeaways.

502

Number one.

503

You can be bitter or you can be better.

504

When loss happens to

us and it will happen.

505

We can choose how to respond to

it and how it will affect us.

506

Number two.

507

Recognize that loss and the resulting

grief can show up in a variety of places.

508

We might mourn a loss of identity,

the life we used to have, loss of our

509

kids as they become more independent.

510

And of course our daughters deal

with the loss too, whether it's

511

losing a game or losing a friend.

512

Loss and grief are not exclusive to death.

513

Number three.

514

Remember that grief is like a weed.

515

You have to deal with it from the roots.

516

It will continue to grow and wait for you.

517

It won't just go away on its own.

518

Number four processing your grief

means acceptance and learning.

519

Every loss has a lesson.

520

And number five, what you

don't reveal you can't heal.

521

Be courageous and confront your

loss for yourself and your kids.

522

If we model emotional awareness and

self-compassion in times of grief,

523

we're planting the seeds for our

kids to process in a healthy way too.

524

To learn more about Shemeka

and her organization.

525

Those without mothers.

526

Visit www those without mothers.org.

527

She also hosts the being bipolar podcast.

528

You can find her and the podcast

on Instagram and Facebook.

529

Look for, @thoseewithoutmothers, at

Shameeka speaks and that's S H a M E K a

530

speaks also at the being by polar podcast.

531

Also at the being bipolar podcast and

at coaching from grief without love.

532

Those links will all be

in the show notes as well.

533

So feel free to go there,

check that out and find her.

534

Thank you so much for joining me today.

535

A big shout out to you for taking

the time to show up for yourself

536

and your daughter by tuning in.

537

I know you have a lot vying

for your time and attention.

538

So I really appreciate you

choosing to spend a portion

539

of your day listening to me.

540

If you liked what you heard, please

tell a friend, hit subscribe or follow

541

in your favorite podcasting platform.

542

And again, Follow at Novi.

543

Instagram for quotes from wise

women, reminders, and a heads up

544

on upcoming podcasts as well as

coaching offerings, et cetera.

545

Thank you again for listening

and here's to strong women.

546

May we know them?

547

May we be them?

548

And may we raise them?