She was a Wall Street trader running on 64 ounces of diet cola before she even reached her desk.

For nearly two decades, caffeine wasn't a habit — it was a career strategy. The trading room demanded it. The MBA nights demanded it. The pregnancies, the babies, the mergers, the divorce — all of it powered by an ever-present can of diet cola. Being caffeinated was a badge of honor. She wore it proudly, covered the caffeine hives with makeup, and started the cycle again every morning.

Two premature births. One baby who didn't survive. Cyst-filled breasts so painful she couldn't sleep on her stomach. A marriage dissolving while she stayed awake all night rather than get into bed next to a man she no longer recognized. And still — she reached for the soda.

Then the flu hit. For three days she couldn't keep anything down — not even diet cola. What followed were ten of the most brutal, transformative days of her life. The headaches. The tremors. The confusion. And then, slowly — dreams she hadn't had in years. Skin clearing. Silence replacing the constant hum of anxiety.

Ten days between hell and Eden.

What You'll Hear in This Episode

• The high-pressure Wall Street culture that treated caffeine as a job requirement
• How she juggled trading floors, MBA classes, babies, and a breaking marriage — all fueled by diet cola
• The moment a flu forced an accidental detox she never could have chosen on her own
• The ten brutal days of withdrawal — headaches, hand tremors, confusion, and lethargy
• What emerged on the other side: dreams, clear skin, calm, and a life she finally recognized as her own

Key Takeaways

• Caffeine addiction doesn't always look like addiction — it can look like ambition, productivity, and success
• Long-term overconsumption has real physical consequences: cysts, skin issues, sleep deprivation, and pregnancy complications
• Withdrawal is real, intense, and time-limited — ten days can change everything
• Sometimes the body forces the reset the mind refuses to make
• Freedom from caffeine isn't about losing energy — it's about reclaiming it on your own terms

Who Should Listen

This episode is for you if you've ever used caffeine just to keep your life from falling apart. If you're a high performer running on fumes, a parent pushing through exhaustion, or someone who suspects their "harmless habit" is doing more damage than they're willing to admit — this confession will hit home. It's also essential listening for anyone curious about what caffeine withdrawal actually feels like from the inside.

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10 Days between hell and Eden 18 years ago I was promoted to the trading room of an investment brokerage firm.

If you have seen the movie Wall street, you can picture the crowded trading desk of a typical brokerage firm with buzzing computers and phones ringing non stop. It is even noisier and more hectic in real life, there were only three other women besides me in this bastion of men.

I was young, eager to prove myself and I needed to be on from before the 7:00am preopening meeting right through until the 4:00pm closing bell when I could finally get up and stretch. In between these times, I was pumped. I had to be. When you are a trader, you do not leave your desk.

You learn to pee in record time, running full speed, in my case in high heels to the restroom. Lunches and drinks are brought by a delivery service and paid for by the company. Every fiber of your being is focused on your computers and phones.

You are a money machine and you get paid accordingly. Chasing the carrot called a bonus, which could multiply your salary exponentially. So how did I keep focus on the task at hand? The answer is caffeine.

On my way to work when I gassed up my car, I refueled myself on a giant 64 ounce cup of diet kola for 99 cents which I finished on the commute. At work I dipped into the refrigerator under my desk at least 12 times per day for my ever present can of diet Kola.

I ruined three keyboards in one week.

As I knocked over my nectar of the gods, my heart raced, my personality was hyper and intense, my temper flared at the slightest provocation and I was over caffeinated. I drank my cold coffee with bubbles alongside others with hot cups of steaming coffee perched at their lips.

To further our rush, we feasted on bowls of chocolates which we often ate for breakfast. I went to school two nights per week to get my MBA in finance. In my undergraduate studies I majored in English. What did I know about finance?

I wanted those coveted letters after my name. After working all day, I went to the university and endured three hour classes until 9pm along with a pile of group work.

Every weekend I hit the vending machine when I got to class and almost at every break, replenishing my rocket fuel. At night I rarely slept more than a few hours. I awoke with skull crushing headaches easily cured by cracking open a can of cola.

I usually kept one at my bedside followed by an Excedrin chaser. I kept a journal by my bed to jot down middle of the night inspirations which Often resulted in sales memos.

I read prospectuses and industry literature for something to do with my extra energy. When I ran out of that stuff, I did homework for school.

I planned my day and was always over prepared for the regular morning meeting when I had company in bed. Orgasms looted me as I could never let myself go completely.

Each morning I covered the caffeine hives on my face with makeup and began the cycle again. I got married. I got pregnant. I cut back slightly on my diet cola but couldn't cut out. Two of my three children were premature.

One of my preemies did not survive. I had a new activity to occupy my night. Getting up with two babies who were 20 months apart. And caffeine continued to be a mainstay of my diet.

To regain my pre baby figure, I often replaced food with diet cola as I juggled visits to toddler gym, story time and play dates. Caffeine kept me fueled and ready for action. I could not sleep on my stomach because my cyst filled breasts were too painful.

Do you drink a lot of caffeine? My doctor always asked me when I went for my annual exam. I always wondered how he knew. Weren't breasts supposed to be rock hard?

After seven years at a trading desk, I got bumped upstairs to a management role. For the next two years I flourished and was happier than I ever was in the trading room. Then one day the edict came.

A major conglomerate was acquiring our firm and I was supposed to run the merger that would put myself out of a job.

I had to grit my teeth, smile and pretend I was just delighted that these invaders were taking over the firm that had been my home since I graduated from college. I cracked open a can of diet cola and began to work 15 hour days for three months until the merger was finished.

I worked at home, I worked at the office, and I worked in the evenings, always accompanied by my loyal friend diet cola. Then I became unemployed, something that I had not experienced since I was a teenager.

I panicked because of the mortgage, car payments and other bills that make a household run. My husband was on disability and was home with the children. So I had to work. We would lose everything if I didn't work.

I had a severance package, but realized that would not last long. Now I had to buy my own diet soda. The company was no longer furnishing it for me. I decided that I would take time off from the investment industry.

I could do that for two years before my license would lapse. I'd never worked at anything else in my adult career. I Wanted to check out the emerging high tech world of the new millennium.

I took two weeks off to be home with my husband and kids, discovered that I was not meant to invade his daytime domain and went to work in the tech industry. I was delighted to see the subsidized soda machine and free coffee. On day one.

I was in a sales position with a group of really smart people whose world I knew nothing about. I could not understand half of what they were saying. They weren't people people, but were cerebral people. Glued to their screens.

They drank more coffee than the traders ever did, sometimes staying up all night because they were so engrossed in some program that they were writing. Everyone wanted to be the next Bill Gates. One guy boasted about the calcium deposits he had under his skin from overuse of caffeine.

Another demonstrated how much his hands shook. Here too, being caffeinated was a badge of honor. The company shut down just a few months later. Through contacts I met while I was there.

I was snatched up a few weeks later by a more established tech company. This company had an even stronger culture of coffee and colas.

These programmers built custom programs for state and local governments on tight deadlines. For added pleasure. Energy drinks containing multiple times the caffeine of coffee or soda were thrown back like shots at happy hour.

I learned after a few months that the owner was interested in selling the company and wanted my expertise in sales, networking and mergers to assist with that task. I spent many caffeine fueled hours on my own, setting things up, only now with a new penchant for energy drinks.

My usual glass of chardonnay was replaced with a vodka and energy drink cocktail, a souvenir of my tech career. After this, I went back to what I knew, the investment industry and became a stockbroker.

Some of my best clients were people I knew from the tech industry. This happened during a recession and it was hard to find clients, but I managed to eke out a meager living doing commission only work.

My husband did not understand the sudden change in our income.

Our marriage was unraveling and I spent increasingly more time away from him, Taking the kids with me on all day weekend outings and doing all I could to avoid being near him. He was nasty and cruel and I sought comfort with my soda.

Caffeine kept me from having to get into bed next to my new enemy and instead I stayed up to read and watch tv.

We separated and my incessant networking at coffee shops landed me an investment management job at another firm the following year, this time with a salary and Bonus structure. Back in my comfort zone, I was better able to support my kids and myself and pay for the attorney for my divorce proceedings.

Fueled on energy drinks, diet cola and coffee, I was wired during the depositions. Ready to jump at my attacker. I nearly leapt over the table in court at him as he told bare faced lies.

However, I took my attorney team's advice and maintained a placid expression despite biting my cheeks until they bled. He was abusive and the judge saw right through it. Ultimately I got the house, the kids and the child support.

Even when he begged me to return to him, I never looked back. I dated a series of men, each one more narcissistic and wired than the next meeting. All of them through the local business community.

Then I met the one, my direct opposite. He was a co founder of a computer company and was like no one I had ever met before.

He was mellow and had been to over 300 Grateful Dead shows, which I thought was a cool accomplishment. He maintained a healthy diet and did not consume caffeine.

He liked music, skiing, bike riding, snowshoeing, nature walks and golf and introduced me to these things as well. He liked going out to dinner and talking about subjects that mattered. Even though he was quiet by nature, he loved hanging out with my kids and pets.

I continued to be my caffeinated self and he never asked me to change. One of his first gifts to me was a bar of caffeinated soap that he saw in a gift shop. I was hooked on him. After that.

We were good for each other because he calmed me down and I revved him up. Suddenly one afternoon my body was wracked in pain. I was feverish and could not keep anything down, not even diet cola.

In a matter of hours I was bedridden with the worst flu I have ever had in my life. For the next three days I slept and sipped ginger ale and ate crackers. I had no diet cola in the house.

I meant to pick some up but had been too ill to do so. My illness was compounded by tremendous headaches, hand tremors and lethargy. I felt confused and anxious.

When I came out on the other side of the flu, I realized that I had gone without caffeine for a few days. As the days stretched into a week, I found that I was extremely exhausted and was not able to stay awake past 8.

When I slept, I had dreams, something that had not happened in years. The headache slowly abated and my skin was starting to clear from its ever present redness.

I was extremely thirsty and consumed large amounts of water and sodium free seltzer, I couldn't seem to quench my thirst. Once a week had passed, I decided I would try to give up caffeine since the worst part of the withdrawal appeared to be over.

I needed a substitute for my oral fixation and found solace with ice water and salsa. I was tempted to fall back into my diet cola ways as my body craved it, but I stuck to my guns.

I realized now that I was giving up two foreign substances, caffeine and NutraSweet. My withdrawal symptoms spoke loud and clear.

It took a total of about 10 days before I felt completely normal, with no headaches, anxiety, cravings or irritability. If you can get past the first few days, the rest is easy.

One thing I discovered immediately is that water, whether still or sparkling, is widely accessible. It's available at parties, coffee shops, people's homes, restaurants, bars, hotels and anywhere else one might venture.

It is even found in vending machines.

Nobody has ever made a negative comment about my sparkling water with lime drink order or or complained when they see me sipping bottled water at my desk. Now, a year later, I have flawless skin, have lost weight and drink eight glasses of water per day.

Just as medical wisdom has dictated for years, I am calmer, less irritable, sleep well at night, even on my stomach, and am full of energy. A morning walk around the block wakes me up just as much as caffeine once did.

I'm still a high performer at work, motivated by challenge rather than artificial stimulants. People often comment on how youthful I look, thinking I am much younger than 43. Best of all, my sex life is better than ever.

O does not just stand for Oprah. I am still with the one. It's been over five years now. He loves the new and improved me.

He says that I am more fun, sexier and less intense than when he first met me. We recently flew across the country and he said that in the past he would worry that I would nervously chatter non stop on the flight.

Instead, I read a book, slept and chatted calmly and pleasantly. He booked another trip for us next month, this time to Las Vegas. It may sound trite, but if I could kick caffeine, anyone can.

In 10 days, I felt better than ever. Since kicking caffeine. I have also gone cold turkey and alcohol and gluten.

I feel healthier, happier and smarter than ever before and ready to face whatever life sends my way.