Join me live with Jyllian Clarke as we discuss the power of self discovery, building confidence so that you show up Authentically you!

Jyllian Clarke is an executive coach who’s passionate about helping people lead and live with authenticity. She’s the author of Pure Excellence: The Joy in Finding You and the creator of I AM ME: 100% Validated!®, a guided self-discovery experience that empowers individuals to embrace who they are, fully and unapologetically. A former security senior executive turned coach, Jyllian now creates spaces for individuals and teams to recognize their excellence, and build the confidence, connection, and clarity needed to show up as their most authentic selves.

More about Jyllian:

https://isocoachingllc.com

Get her book:

Pure Excellence: The Joy in Finding You https://amzn.to/48833PV

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Disclaimer:

The information in this podcast is for general informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute financial, legal, or tax advice. Please consult with a qualified professional for advice tailored to your individual circumstances.

Episode 317

The wallet's missing from the floor? It's not my

secrets, nothing more? I checked the drawers, I

checked the spikes Left me hanging in my legs Last

night we tore up the town? Now my wallet's not

around?

Um.

Call the cops or play it smooth? Pay my debts and

start anew?

Hey. Hey.

Where'd it go?

My cash, my cars, my flow? Don't you know what's

gone? Now I'm broke from dusk till dawn? Dancing

lights and screaming bass? Drinks were flowing in

that place? Left a tip but lost my grip? Now my

wallet's gonna slip.

In a world where financial advice is as blurry as

a wild night of cheap jello shots, clear your head

and your m. Monetary halitosis with the about that

Wallet show, hosted by Anthony Weaver. Leave those

jello shots for the amateurs and learn to indulge

in the top shelf bottles, baby.

Now here's your host, Anthony Weaver.

What up, what up, what up, everybody? Hopefully,

y' all are having a wonderful Friday eve, and

thank you for joining us live today. I have a

wonderful, wonderful person who always talks about

finding that confidence, building that

authenticity, and actually having a great time

while doing so. Welcome to the show, Jillian

Clark.

Thank you. Thank you, Anthony, for having me. I'm

really excited to do this live podcast with you.

Let's give you a round of applause.

I love it. I love it.

Um, because one of the things that, uh, I just

want to let the audience know, if y' all watching

this live right now, type in hashtag excellence,

because we will be doing a book giveaway later in

the show. So by all means. Oh, you want to talk

about your book, right quick.

Do I want to talk about my book? I always want to

talk about my book.

Well, let's talk about the book that we're about

to give away.

Okay, we'll start there. So pure excellence. The

joy in finding you. Uh, I. I released this book

back in March. It was March 1st, and in fact,

there's two editions. So if you have this book

prior to June, um, there's in addition. But then I

noticed when I was recording the audiobook that

there were a couple things that I wanted to

change. So I worked with my publisher and re

released it in June 2025. So the book is just all

about the joy in finding ourselves. It's really

about, um, you know, us leaning into who we are as

people, noticing those moments when we tend to do

things that aren't in alignment with who we are,

our values, our boundaries. Um, I talk a little

bit about group think in There, like, you end up

doing things because everybody else is doing it.

But then in that quiet moment you're like, huh,

I'm actually not as excited about it as everybody

else seems to be. But you do it anyway because

that's what the group is doing. So really like

making decisions, uh, that align with who you are

as a person, who you are, values wise, boundaries

wise. And not being afraid to do that, doing it

such with confidence and just finding joy and

being able to say like, this is not who I am and

I'm going to choose something different, even

though you friend might not like it. So, um, so

that's what the book is about. And it's got a lot

of practical exercises in there for you to really

just see where you are. And it's not necessarily

for people who don't know who they are. It's about

deepening connection with yourself, no matter

where you are in the journey. And, um, the book

actually was my way of giving back. Because when I

was in a state of chaos personally, um, I found

myself at 50 years old being in a state of like. I

just realized that I just wasn't always my

authentic self. And I had built myself up on

accolades and achievements and all kinds of stuff.

And then all of a sudden I didn't have those

tangible to me. And I looked for all these

different things. It's in the book, you'll read

about it. But you know, I, I was looking for just

different ways, ways to like really figure out who

am I, who am I without all these things. And, um,

I didn't have for myself. And so when I kind of

came out of my chaotic spin that I was in really

trying to figure out who I was as a person, um, I

decided to give back in a couple of different

ways. And this is one of them. Pure excellence.

The joy in finding you. So I wrote it took a long

time, but it's out.

I love it because in our times right now, I have

to say, when it comes to audiobooks, the reason

why I like the audiobook sometimes more than the

paperback. I've noticed that a lot of people

actually give you a little bit more in the audio

format. They was like, hey, you know, I really why

I wrote this chapter is because I was going

through this moment or what was I thinking about,

uh, in those particular moments in time. So I was

like, hm, that's a cool way to kind of play on

audio versus if you got the physical book. And I

like that your publisher was open up to kind of go

back and make Those changes.

Yes, yes, it was a lot of back and forth, however

we got there. Um, I can be pretty persuasive.

Persuasive. Um, a couple of them were, you know,

just editing errors here and there. Every book has

an error in it. Um, but when I did the audiobook,

which I love what you're seeing, because my book

does not give insight into why I wrote certain

things. You have to get on. You have to have me on

a podcast or something, because inside scoops or a

book signing, I do talk about, um, all things that

went into the book. I have a couple things at the

beginning and end that they allowed me to ad lib

and put in. But really the audiobook is just me,

my raw emotion as I'm reading it, which you don't

get from the book. You get words in the book. So.

So, yeah, everyone has a different preference.

But, um, you know, I've got lots of books to give

away, so.

Yeah, because one of the things that's going on

that we also understand is that authenticity in

the black and brown community, but it's not a good

thing. So we have to do something called code

switching. And a lot of times that can be a

detriment to who we are as our core also could

actually help us. So why is it now such a good

time to kind of show up authentically? You.

Yeah, what a great question. And I would dare say,

although, yes, black and brown, but I see it

across all races, I see it across all genders. It

doesn't matter. We all, I mean, there's different

environments that we go into. And sometimes people

do change who they are as a person in order to fit

in, in order to belong. And I think more and more

now people are realizing, like, I'm just going to

show up as, as I am. And I almost would say, you

know, it's the younger generation that's really

bringing this out of us because we've been, we as

older, you know, individuals have kind of

suppressed that, uh, because we weren't well

received, we didn't fit in. We wanted to belong

and we didn't know how to create our own tables

and invite other people into our tables. And so I

think right now, between what's happening with our

government, with what's happening, all the

different layoffs that are happening, um, and that

sort of was part of my story as well as I got laid

off and it was unheard of. It was a while ago, and

it was embarrassing and all kinds of things. But I

think that in that space we have to figure out,

like, who we are, what are our values, what are

our boundaries, what will and won't we tolerate,

what's acceptable to us as people? And I think

when we start seeing all the things that are

happening in the environments that we're in, it's

really important and, in fact, professionally

responsible for us to create these environments

where people feel safe to show up as themselves.

The problem is people don't always know how to do

that. And I, you know, I've come across so many

people are like, I know who I am. I know who I am,

and that's great. Again, this is about meeting

people where they are. But what I often find out

is there are moments when they're kind of like,

well, no, actually, I don't know this. I don't

know this part of it. I. I grew up partially. My

younger years were in England, and I moved to the

States from England into a predominantly white

school. And, you know, you talk about code switch,

and it was very interesting for me because I came

here at a young age and just kind of acclimated to

where whatever environment I'm in, that's a

strength of mine. It's whatever environment I'm

in. But it's interesting for me because, um, you

know, predominantly white people kind of just

absorbed me. Black people were saying, oh, you're

trying to be white. You have this accent or what

have you. Well, what. So, you know, it's just one

of those areas where, like, just who you are as a

person, and as long as you're rooted in who you

are as a person, it doesn't really matter where

you are. Know how to be professional. If you're in

the professional environment, it doesn't mean

you're changing who you are. It just means that

your professional self shows up. And then when

you're shucking and jiving with your friends, then

that's cool too. So, you know, it's just one of

those things. But being able to understand who you

are, not change as a result of that and be

comfortable with who you are. So very important.

Yeah. So Floyd, um, from Highway 54. Thank you for

chiming in. Said he grew up code switching. And I

think we were just taught early on, it's just

like, you know, hey, you better act right while

you're inside this grocery store. Or, you know,

when you go shopping with your mom, be like, hey,

you better not touch nothing.

Right?

Get that little pep talk before you go in.

Right, Exactly. Was it a pep talk? Oh, yeah.

It's more like able talking. Right. Yeah, and my

mom's chiming in, too. Make sure y' all type in

hashtag excellent if y' all want the book

giveaway. Be part of that process. Yes.

Yes. Hello to your mom.

Yeah, thanks. She's. I'm sure she's like, hey, I'm

back to you. That's nice. If I'm out.

So.

But you as a, um, you know, growing up, you know,

dealing with finding yourself in this community

and going through those different childhood

memories and those core memories and definitely

switching out from what you're used to and getting

out of your comfort zone, how did that help

solidify who you are today?

How did that help solidify who I am today? Um, in

a couple of different ways. And I think part of

that is I just sort of showed up places as I was,

and it wasn't until I was much older that I

realized that, like, sometimes I rub people the

wrong way. And so. And then sometimes, you know,

most times everybody was accepting or what have

you. So it was kind of like one of those things.

And this is what I see very often is, um, you

might rub somebody the wrong way, and then all of

a sudden, they're the. You know, they're the

people that you're trying to, like, figure out,

like, what's happening here. And everybody else

likes me, so why not? And so my upbringing was

more about, don't, um, worry about those people.

Go do your thing anyway. And I think, and I thank

my parents a lot, too, because they've really

raised me just like, this is who you are, and

you're going to have people who don't like you.

You're going to have some people who do. But I

think just as people and as we grow, we natur be

able to be liked and loved by everybody. And that

is kind of the basis that starts to shape us and

shape us in ways that aren't always aligned with

really who we are as a people, as a person. And

so, you know, it's an interesting question that I

ponder, because I never really had any issues

with, like, who I am as a person. Um, I think my

authentic self is what people genuinely like about

me. But I did find myself in a situation where, as

I looked back, I'm like, wow, there were times

that I probably did things, said things, acted in

ways that I probably shouldn't have if I was

really being true to myself. And for me, I really

appreciated the achievements that I had and the

accolades that I would get. And, you know, I was,

uh, in these top positions, both in government and

Corporate. And that gave me some clout, you know,

to some degree. And then when it was all gone and

I was sitting in silence, I'm like, who am I?

Really?

Yeah.

Who am I without all those things? Because I was

not. I didn't think this is a mindset that I had

to realize. But at that moment, I'm like, I'm

nobody. I don't. I don't have a job anymore. I

don't have this. I'm not in these powerful

positions anymore. So then who am I if I'm not

there? And I really had to start over from this

life that I, you know, knew just being myself. I'm

like, wait a minute. Really? Who am I? M. So, um,

There's a long way to answer your question, but I

love.

It because one of the things that we go out, when

you go out to parties or, um, catching up with

family members, the first thing they ask you, so

what do you do? Or. And it's kind of like, well, I

do a lot of other things. And ultimately what

they're asking for is, what do you do for work?

What do you do for income?

Right?

And it's just like, well, I can do a whole lot

more than just that. So.

Yeah, what is it that, um, like you said, when all

the titles are stripped, when do you realize that

you're more than just the titles?

So, great question. And what I discovered. And I

actually have a trademarked M initiative called I

am me 100% validated. And it's a guided self

discovery journey where you're really just looking

at yourself. What are. What is it about you? What

are your traits? What are, you know, using, Like,

I am blank. Like, I am brave. Um, and so it's

really about deepening that connection with

yourself and realizing what. Who you are, deep

down. Brave, scared, fearful, embarrassed, um,

confident. It's all these things that we define.

We have buckets for ourselves. Good, bad, none of

that. Right. We're not. Not. It's. It's who we

are, what we do. What I really walk people through

is being able to identify what those traits are

within us. Nothing has to do with the title.

Nothing has to do with the pecking order, where

you are with siblings. Um, you know, any of that,

right? It's all about who you are, what you bring

to any conversation. I am happy. I am a shining

star. It's, you know, those kind of things all the

way to everything that we might consider. Consider

bad. But they're part of us. Um, I mean, part m.

Of what I realized I'm like, I'm a little mean,

um, and you like to look at that. But now I can

laugh about it. But there was a time when I was

like, oh my goodness, I really am. And I was

devastated to really come to that honesty about

myself. But then I realized it's about how you

actually leverage that trait that matters. And so

when do I bring that up? When, when is it useful?

What's the impact that I want to have on the

world? And when we become so unbelievably aware of

ourselves, we can begin to have the impact on the

world that we really, truly want to have. And be

careful of impacting in ways that we didn't mean

to impact. And we can be very intentional about

our decisions when we know who we are and how they

align with what we value.

I, uh, like that because, you know, obviously at

work there's a lot of people that like to test

your gangster be like, you know, oh, you're

horrible at this and you trash this way, or I

don't like the way that you put on your shirt

today.

Right.

I've seen people talk about somebody's attire more

so than their work ethic more than once.

Mhm.

The question is, it's like, how do you kind of

maintain your composure to keep your paycheck?

I would ask that back to you, right? Because sure,

somebody says something negative, it stings. But I

would ask, like, why is it important to you what

that person is saying or how they feel about you,

or what they say about you? Why is it important to

you? What's so important about it that you feel

you have to respond to it? So, you know, those are

the types of questions, coaching questions, um,

that I would ask. And then you can make a very

conscious decision about do I respond and give

this person my energy or not. There was a time

when I probably would have, you know, set

something back or whatever. Now if you don't like

what I have on, you don't like what I have on,

hey, it's none of my business what you think of

me. You keep that to yourself. But if you choose

to bring that out, okay, so you don't like my

sweater. I'm good. It doesn't change who I am as a

person or how I'm going to, you know, be. But then

if it bothers you, I'm asking questions like, what

is it about it that bothers you? Maybe you didn't

like it either and you decided that, wow, I'm

going to wear it anyway. And then somebody makes a

Comment. And you're like, oh, man, I should have

worn it. Right? So there's all those things. But

that's the first step is like, why what matters?

Why is it important? And that's how you keep your

composure. What are your values? What does it

matter? And is it really that important to you to

be able to respond to that individual? Or is that

individual really, uh, that important to you?

Okay, um, I really do like that because, you know,

we. We go through life being judged all the time,

and especially, like, you get it at home more so

you can get at work. So that's why the reason why

I'm like, can we just bring back bullying as kids?

Because some people are so sensitive nowadays.

It's like, yeah, I don't know. Sure. What's going

on? Is it the way how we, like, how the parents

are actually raising their children nowadays to

kind of deal with conflict? Because now, because

we're dealing with people who are in the sandwich

generation, they have kids and also they deal with

their parents. But if they have their kids, how do

they kind of, um, what. As you could say, this is

the part I like to edit out when the pre

recordings edit all this out.

I'm letting you get your question out. So go

ahead, Mom's listening.

I'm gonna try to land the plane on this one.

All right. Um, so the question is, what strategies

or tools or even questions should a parent or even

suggest a parent give to their child to kind of

build that confidence in themselves for who they

are?

Wow. Okay, so you landed that plane not where I

thought you were going, but, um. And so, you know,

parent parenting advice is really how I would wrap

that up. And, um, you know, I've got three kids.

Each one would tell you something different about

me as a parent. Um, what I will tell you is that I

grew as a person having them as children. But one

of the things that I was very, very, very

deliberate about was making sure that they had a

voice. Um, something that I didn't always feel

like I had, but I didn't know that I didn't have

until later. And some people might say, like, oh,

you gave them too much of a voice. But I was

always kind of like, someday. I mean, it happened

way sooner than I thought, where they exercise

their independence and their voices, but someday

it's going to serve them very well. And, um, so I

just wanted them to be able to be heard, you know,

because I grew up kind of, you know, kids are in

the room, but, um, you know, don't speak unless

you're spoken to. And so there's a lot of

different things I had. You know, communication

was very, um, important in my family, but at the

same time, there's a lot that we did not

communicate about. And so, uh, I have raised my

children to be able to. To communicate. I would

always say, what is wrong? Use your words, you

know, and always give them a place and a platform

to. To voice whatever they wanted to voice. And so

with that, um, there are lots of different,

various variations of what I'm saying. And so I.

When you say that, you know, some kids are really

sensitive now. I'm one of those sensitive people.

I am sensitive. My kids will tell you in a minute,

oh, mom, you're so sensitive. You're so, um. But I

think they caught me really, at a time they were

teenagers and in college, as I was going through a

lot of my own self discovery, you know, moments

here and just recognizing, uh, where I was in

life. And I think having kids may be a little

softer as an individual too, because I definitely

have much more of an understanding. So as a parent

to other parents, I would say approach what you're

doing with a level of understanding and compassion

and try not to suppress their voices. You want

your place. At least for me, I wanted my home to

be the safest place that my kids had, and I wanted

that for their friends and such, too. Like, they.

That they knew that they had a safe place where

they could come and be themselves and have a voice

and understand. And I would approach it with a

level of understanding. Um, and with that. We

produce so many different types of kids, but it's

not just about parenting. It's about the

environment. And so how you interact with the

environments that they're in or that you place

them in is equally as important as what you're

doing to parent them in the first place.

So I like that.

Really deep, really quickly.

No, it's really good because I don't have any

kids. Like, this platform, this podcasting, is my.

My baby and my child and my gift to the world.

And, you know, most of the time, your job as a

parent is to kind of mold your child for being a

person, um, that's given value to the world and

society and having that, I know people be like,

you know, Anthony, you're getting kind of deep on

your show. Um, it's been a while, so let's go

deep. Um, well, talking about having those

uncomfortable conversations, like, now you, uh, as

a parent, and I believe you like your empty nester

now.

I am, I am My youngest went off to college this

year. And so, yep, empty nesting, um, I guess is

the right term now. I'm a bird launcher, flinging

birds out.

The way, like, get off my tree.

But yes, yes, I am.

And so with your parents now in the wing and you

just kind of giving your, you know, you're just

kind of starting to breathe now.

Let's talk about the parents. How do you start to

bring them into your space, like, going forward,

like, far as, like, health and dealing with their

mental, um, in their physical capabilities? Are

you able to kind of take on that now or just kind

of like, hey, I'm trying to set them up

financially and they'd be maybe.

All right, so let me understand your question a

little bit. When you say, how about parents, do

you mean my parents?

Yes, your parents.

My parents. That's what I thought. Okay. Because

that's a whole different ball of wax too. It's

like, my kids. My kids left. We are loving our

empty nesting now, and we are so proud of our

three kids who have gone off. They make great

decisions. They're definitely people, um, who.

They're still figuring life out. But they're very

good. We've taught them right from wrong, which I

believe happens much earlier than people think. I

think we're still molding them at 16, 17, 18. No,

they already know, but, you know, very proud

there. But what happens is, um, you know, I'm

still very close to my parents, and they're

elderly, they're in their 80s, and they have

technology, um, challenges. You know, I mean, our

technology world is changing like this. At 8 o'

clock, it looks one way, and at 2 o' clock it

looks totally different because they've rolled out

an update that's really challenging. So we've

become. My brother and I have become all things

technology gurus for, you know, my parents, um,

they have health issues. And so, you know, being

able to navigate that. I'm always on the phone

like, or going to the doctors with them or

something. And, um, you know, it's definitely a

different space. I'm kind of the epitome of the

sandwich generation right now with my, you know,

kids and my parents. But, um, being really clear

on my own boundaries is so important. I'm not

always with either one of them because I need my

own space and my husband and I need our own time

too. And so, um, so being able to communicate that

is really important to everybody. And then I have

another person actually in there who's, um, a

family friend who I grew up calling uncle. And I'm

his power of attorney. So not only do I have my

parents and my kids, but my uncle is now, um, in a

space where he cannot live independently and it

happened overnight. And I'm the power of attorney,

so I have to step up for that as well. Um, very

daunting tax, uh, tasks that are, ah, are, have

happened and are ahead of me, um, with my uncle.

But there's a lot to that. And so finding my own

balance is somewhat challenging, but more

importantly is like, where are my values and what

are my boundaries and how do I articulate that to

those who need it articulated to. So.

Yeah, well, okay, because that's going to be, um,

a doozy because nobody talks about the burden or

not even a burden, just the thought process and

the weight that it has to be the power of attorney

for somebody. Um, and it's good that they actually

had that set up for that to happen. Um, having the

wills in place and actually having. Because, you

know, it's a financial. We gotta talk finances.

I know. We gotta talk finances.

Uh, so how has it been, um, before we get to our

drinking session? Um, you know what, let's say

that for after the drinking session.

Okay, so we got a couple minutes here. Um, let's

give a shout out to the people that made it this

far. And for those of you who are just chiming in,

we are sitting with Jillian Clark, the owner,

actually the author of Pure Excellence, the Joy of

Finding you, um, who has been running, ah,

excellent, excellent program and for well over.

Like, how long you been doing this now? Like.

So I started the business in 2020, but I haven't

yet. Yeah, I did, but then, um, in April 2023, I

decided, I'm all in. Let's go.

Let's do it.

Yeah. So two and a half years now. Yeah, two and a

half years. Um, yeah, I'm very committed, very

dedicated to it. So. Yes.

Cool. Yeah. Because it doesn't seem like you've

only been known for two years though. Just like,

just looking at your breadth of work and it just

feels like it's been well over at least 10 years

solid.

Oh, thank you for that. It's, um. There's been a

lot of intentionality behind it because I'm really

driven by things that are very core for me and

things that I'm passionate about. And um, like I

said, there's. When I went through my own journey

of really trying to figure out who I was as a

person, there were things that were not there for

me. They may have been but they weren't readily

available for me, or I didn't see them, and maybe

I didn't want to see them. I don't know. But, um.

But it really drove me to a place of being able to

give back in ways that, um, weren't there for me

at the time, or at least were not visible to me.

And so I'm very driven by that intentionality and,

um, bringing people together, just connection

piece. And so it's, um. It's just moving. And I've

got, you know, goal focused and hoping to bring,

you know, people into this space so that they can

do the same. Just be rooted in who they are.

Oh, rooted and beauty.

All right, so let's say hi to, uh, say, like, got.

Uh, this is Jay. I want to make sure I pronounce

that right. Thank you, Floyd, for coming through.

Hey, what's going on, Nia, man, these are.

I see them. They're popping up. Hey. Yeah. Um, so

the one comment there. People are not comfortable

being uncomfortable. Uh, they're not. They're not.

We always are seeking comfort. Comfort. Oh, there

you go. You can bring it back up. People are not

comfortable with being uncomfortable. And it's so

true. We, um. I think as a people, we are

constantly seeking comfort. Even in our jobs, we

want to be comfortable. We get into a job and

we're frustrated five days later when we're still

uncomfortable in the job, and then suddenly we

find a place of comfort, and then we just want to

sit there and, you know, stay comfortable. And

moving people out of their comfort zones, whether

that's professionally or personally, is, um. It's

so true. People don't want to be uncomfortable. So

my. My role in what I do is let's sit with the

uncomfortable, because that's really discover who

you are. That's really just when you really

discover, like, who you are as a person, what your

values are, that's when you really discover it.

Well, then we can get in some of the tactics over

a drink. So we're gonna go for trivia, and then

we're gonna do, uh, our drink session. So make

sure I go get your drinks, and we'll be right back

on my, uh, commercial here in a moment. There we

go. I got it.

Hm. M.

All right, all right, all right. So since those of

you who love drinking, to let you know about this

particular segment, what we do is, for those of

you who are new, we actually make drinks. Uh,

either make a mocktail cocktail, what have you of

your choice, and then we kind of just have our

Drink, Talk about our drink and then we go for it.

So make sure you have your drinks and. I don't

know, but everybody loves this part. Hold on. All.

Ah, right. So what we're going to be making today,

I have a, um. I've been making this drink for a

while because I've been. It's very simple. It is

coconut rum, and you can make any kind of coconut

rum. It's emerald coal coconut rum. We're gonna

put this in here. I know they usually say 2

ounces, but I do it enough to taste, and it takes

a lot for me to taste. So I think this is about

enough to taste. And then we have in pineapple

juice. I just usually go straight with the

pineapple nectar. This is a very simple drink. You

can ask any bartender that you go to or any bar.

They usually have these two drinks, mean these two

ingredients. And then you can just add in as much

as you like. Usually about 6 ounces, they say. But

depending on who it is, they'll have that. And

then usually it's over ice, but these are directly

from every. So it's okay. And then you actually

add a splash of grenadine. And then what this

drink is, it is an island drink. It is called the,

uh, Panty Ripper, but usually you'll hear it

called a tequila. It's like a tropical sunrise

here in the US So every bar usually don't want a

tropical sunrise. It's just that they add orange

juice. Just take out the orange juice and you have

a drink. So. Well, thank you. Um, so what are you

drinking, Joey?

Well, nothing. Nothing as fancy as that. So I have

with me my Tatsu tea, which can be turned into a

Tatsu tiny. But, um, Tatsu tea, it's made from

matcha tea. And it's actually. My husband is a

martial artist and his best friend of all time,

who's who lives in Philadelphia area, is the

founder of Tatsu Tea. And. And so it's very

natural. It's a performance tea. And, um, it's got

electrolytes and vitamins, minerals, and is

competing with all the other teas out there. So we

drink a Tatsu tea almost every day. I'm really a

water. Like, I got my big thing of water over here

too. So I drink a lot of water, a ton of water a

day. But I do mix in a Tatsu tea as well. So

that's what I'm drinking. But it can very easily

be turned into a Tatsutini.

Oh, I'm about to make that happen.

So what are y' all drinking out in the audience

space? What do y'.

All?

Let us know what y' all drinking. And Dr. Sevy.

Yes. Doctor said, you know, you know, I.

Should have turned it into a Tatsutini. My

goodness, you've got a good drink going on over

there. Getting lit.

Oh, Lisa joined. Lisa, uh, I think you say you

normally get your. Your daughter at this time, but

thank you for chiming in.

Um, Lisa.

Yeah. If y' all haven't checked, I heard episode,

uh, it's actually the one that's plastered on my

show, one of the top ones because we talked about

stocks and getting investing and so forth. So if

you're new to stock market, trying to get in stock

market for your kids, talking about how to get

utmas getting started for your 8 under 18 year

old. Definitely check that out.

All right, let's see Mom's drinking dream. What

the heck is that? Never heard of a dram buoy?

M share their recipe.

I know, right? Oh, it's actually a liqueur. On its

own, it looked like it 40% alcoholic. It's a

scotch or whiskey.

Oh, okay.

Um. Oh, this is only 21. No wonder this tastes

like juice. Okay. Yeah.

Right? Oh my goodness.

Uh, let's see. Dr. SEV. He said what? What is

that?

Boring. I have my water too, you know.

Yeah, she got a chaser. You know.

Stay hydrated, Stay hydrated. Water is so

critically important to the health of our. Our

overall health of our bodies.

Mhm. Oh, wow, that's. Yeah, that uh, that dram

buoy is pretty strong at 40. I mean that's. You'll

put some hand on your chest if you're gonna drink

it straight. Oh yeah, you're gonna be all night

long depending on how much you you poured

yourself. But slow down, you know, it's Friday

tomorrow.

That's so funny.

Yeah.

So this is, um. I guess now we get the talking to

the meats M. So for those of you who are, um, want

to dial in, you can dial in at 833-699-2558. If

you have any burning questions, you can ask them

live right now to a. I don't call you like a life

coach.

No, I'm an executive now. I'm an executive coach,

personal development coach. And um. But yeah, life

coach. I don't start playing with people's lives

around there. But there is a life component

anytime we're talking about self discovery and so.

But I do executive coaching.

Okay.

So if you want to show up authentically, you and

you have a burning question on about showing up

properly at work, and you're afraid, and you just

don't have those tools. This is the time to ask

the question.

Yes.

Yeah. So I'm gonna ask the question.

Okay.

What questions should I be asking myself to show

up authentically? Me. Like, what are the top three

questions I should ask myself every day?

The top three questions you should ask yourself

every day. So am I being myself? This number one.

And to the statement, um, before, am I comfortable

being myself? And then are my decisions aligned

with who I am as a person and what I value as a

person?

I like that. Okay. So it depends on the setting,

though, because I'm thinking, like, if you got to

the club, you know, it's like, okay, yeah, I'm

sober. I can dance, and some people are great at

it. Um, and sometimes you just need to calm down

and the voices in your head and you just go to the

bar, do the drink to kind of fit in.

Sure.

Which goes back to what you said earlier. It's

like, why do you. Why are you doing this? To fit

in with everybody else.

Right. And if it's not something that you want to

do, if you're not a drinker, then don't drink.

Right. If you don't have a belief in something,

then don't go do that thing. And be okay with not

doing it or saying, like, I'm gonna come hang with

you, but I am not drinking. Like, I'm not. I'm

just not. I don't drink. Um, I stopped drinking or

whatever the case may be. But don't do it just

because everybody else is doing it. And be okay

with where you are as a person. If it doesn't

align with you and what you value or where you are

in, you know, your season of life, don't do it.

And be 100% okay with not doing it. Right. Then if

you have pushback from friends or. Or whatever,

then you have some other decisions that you need

to make. Who do you want in your circle?

Um, that part. Like setting up boundaries.

Exactly. Who do you want in your circle? And if

they're not supporting who you are and the

decisions that you're making, I'm pretty quick to

snip from my bonsai tree. Oh, okay. Because it's

important to me to do things that are aligned and

not be judged or. Or what have you. Um, and it's

okay if you're judging me, but now we just may

have to move a little bit differently. M. So. And

that's okay, too. You Know, we're not all meant to

be constantly flowing 100 all the time. And there

are people who I can be around for a certain

period of time, but then, like, hey, it was good

for this amount of time, but now we part ways and

we go because we are not aligned in everything. So

that's what I would say.

Okay. Yeah.

Because about that one. So I'm stopping myself.

No, no, no. It's really good because one of the

things I do talk a lot about is setting up those

boundaries, especially during the holidays, um,

and having boundaries not just with the people

that are around you, but also your core family

members. And be like, look, I don't have it it. Or

like, you're only getting this. And for me, I'm

like, as a gift, I set my boundaries even with my

own gifts. When people ask me, like, hey, I'd

rather have a book than clothing, than anything

for the house or anything like that, I'm like,

just give me a book. Let me tell you what book it

is. And I'll be, oh, yeah. So excited, because

it's a book that I really want. Not so much that

this is something that I want.

Understanding the platinum rule, which is

teaching, like. Which is treating people the way

they want to be treated instead of the way you

want to be treated. And that is one of the things

that was hard to learn as I was growing up.

Yeah.

Because you always taught, like, you know, well,

if you want people to be nice to you, you need to

be nice to them. But they don't like nice. They

want valid.

M. So that's interesting. There's two things, um.

There's two things that you said there. So

sometimes there's. There's sometimes when you sort

of. I don't want to use that word. Acquiesce. But

right now, that's what's coming to me. So I'll

just say acquiesce. But there are some times when

people may give you something that you may not

want, but it's what they want you to have. M. So

there's a part that's like, be grateful that that

person wanted to give you what they wanted you to

have. And some of those things you'll cherish

forever. It might not have been something that you

want, but it's what they wanted to give you.

Right. And so there's a little bit of give and

take. That's not, um, what I would consider to be,

you know, authentic, not authentic, or, you know,

what have you. But there's a. There's a space in

There to receive what other people have to offer,

even if it's not exactly what you thought you

needed. You come to cherish those moments. You

come to cherish those gifts. You come to cherish

all of those things based on your values. Right. I

value this relationship with this person who gave

me something that I didn't even know I wanted or

needed. But now I have it, and it means the world

to me because this person gave it to me. M. So

there's that piece of it. I'm gonna pause there.

No, no, no, I like it because, um, I was. I'm

going back to the interview that I want to say one

of the Wayans brothers had. I want to say on Club

Shay Shay, just to shout out another podcast. And

one of the things that the way in, I, um, want to

say is Damon Wayan, okay, who said that, you know,

he wanted the basketball for Christmas, um, but

because all his friends was going to have one

because he wanted to play and stuff like that. But

his mom always gave him socks and gloves for

Christmas. But it wasn't until he got older that

he realized that his friends are outside playing

basketball, but their hands are cold and their

feet are cold. But he was the only one that was

actually warm and was able to stay out longer

because of what was provided to him during

Christmas. And it's just kind of like, well, yeah,

you can have it, but can you get it from somebody

else? Especially if it's a gift thing?

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Or can you share it? There's

a lot of different things there. So, um, I. Yeah,

there's. That can go so deep because there's just

things like even just asking for something that

you want feels to a certain way to people. Right.

So. So it just depends on who you are and how you

operate. And, um, yes. Trying to teach your

daughter. You don't have to do everything because

everyone else is doing it. Absolutely. I think any

parent out there identifies with exactly what she

just said. So we try to teach it, teach it, teach

it, but it's inherent in us as humans. Like,

everybody else is doing it, so I want to do it

too. Um, or everyone else has it. I want to guess

jeans. When I was growing up, it's like, oh, I

want. Guess the legions that, you know, parents

wanted me to get. But, you know, eventually I got

my guest jeans and, you know, that was fine. But,

um, you know, and I've got kids like that, too.

They grew up and they wanted this and they wanted

the Calvin Klein, you know, whatever. So we're

Constantly. I think every parent right there

identifies with what she just said. Um, but you

know, I try to. There's, there's a word that I use

often that's just grateful. Be grateful for

whatever it is that you do get, you know, and if

you really want to find a way to make the money so

that you go, you can go purchase yourself. This is

a money show, right? So purchase um, it yourself.

So yeah, teach the kids to go fish.

Yeah.

All right.

So Nia says I do this with friends when we hang

out. I tell them I would like, hold up. I would

like it to be an activity rather than centered

around food. Okay. This is going back around like,

um, drinking and so forth.

Mhm. Yeah. Um, and I think that's good. The one

thing that's standing out to me is that she's um,

willing to tell them, like, I don't want this to

be around food. And then when you're doing things

with friends, there, there's some give and take

there. Or there's a choice. Right. While you all

do the things centered around food, I'll meet you

after or we'll do the thing that I want to do

before. And then when you all go do the food

thing, I'm leaving. Or it's okay if we do the food

thing for a little while. Um, but you know, let me

make sure that I fulfill my own needs as well. And

hopefully they'll go with you. And then it becomes

a conversation if they're not willing and all that

kind of good stuff. But the one thing that I'm

hearing here is that she's willing to communicate

that, that she tells them. And that's a piece

that's missing sometimes is that people don't want

to say what somebody else might not want to hear.

So that's such a critical part right there is

telling people what you need, what you want, that

brings you fulfillment.

And I always commend people who can actually just

stand up for themselves to kind of say like, you

know what? And the power in saying no without

saying no, even though no is a complete sentence.

But you can say no. But almost like a not right

now thing. Maybe later.

Yeah. What's wrong with no?

Nothing.

Um, right now is the answer. No is the answer.

I am not.

And I don't necessarily need for you to understand

that I've said no. And it's not my role to let you

down in a certain way. If my answer is no, it's

no. If you have a problem with me saying no, you

need to own Your problem with me saying no, I

don't need to own that for you. I've said no,

that's mine. What, how you react to it is yours.

Now. We can have a conversation about it. I may

have delivered it poorly or, you know, something

like that. That's a different. But me saying no,

if that bothers you, that's a, uh, look in the

mirror moment for you and you work out what your

reaction is there. Okay.

Can you talk about saying no in the workplace?

Yes. Yeah.

Because, you know, you get told be like, hey, can

you do this? Like, I ain't doing that. I get your

buddy over there.

So yeah, I gosh, this, this is so, um, this is a

really, really big topic. So we'll go sort of

micro here because they're saying no and then

they're saying there's insubordination. Um, and I

think those two things are very different and can

be handled different. And most times, I mean, I, I

have, um, been in leadership for many, many, many

years. And the times when I've heard people truly

say no, a lot of it stems from not being able to

understand how they fit into the bigger picture

and why it's important for them to actually do the

job or what have you. How you, how you say no is a

whole different story. Um, but there's that piece

of it. But there's also like, um, boundaries from

a work perspective where whatever it is that's

happening doesn't align with your values or the

things that, you know, there might be something

where you have what we would call like a crisis,

subconscious, if you will. Like, my work is

requiring me to do this thing and I don't believe

in that thing, therefore I'm having an issue doing

that thing. And so that's a different

conversation. And that is for the person to stand

up and say, this does not align with my belief

system. This does not align with who I am as a

person and have a dialogue about it so that it's a

professional and productive dialogue where that

person can say no in a way that's professional and

ah, and they can get reassigned somewhere else.

Right. Or, you know, have that, have that

dialogue. But most times that somebody doesn't

understand and that's a leadership issue, that's

not providing clarity to the people that they're

asking to do the work. And then the reverse of

that is if the person doesn't understand because

their leader is not effectively communicating,

then it's up to the person to understand. Please

help me understand why it's important for me to do

this. And that's, uh, that's a legitimate

question. How does this fit into the bigger

picture? Um, what is it that you need me to do?

Why is it important that I am the person who does

it? Right. Those are the questions that people

need to answer, like, why am I doing this? Why are

they asking me to do it? I'm so busy. There's

oftentimes a disconnect between workload and

perceived workload, because maybe you're just the

person that doesn't look like they have a ton to

do, but your plate is full. Then, you know, have

that conversation and in the future, increase the

dialogue so that your manager, your leadership

understand what's on your plate so that you don't

get tapped every single time. But be willing to

say, help me understand why I'm this person. And.

And if it's a priority conversation, help me

prioritize.

Um, okay. I like that. Uh, yeah, because it's more

than just walking really fast with a notepad in

your hand in the hallways to everything, even

though you don't have anything on the notepad.

Yes, yes, exactly.

More than having, like, 50 windows up on your

screen.

So. True. And I do. I work with leaders a lot who

are, um, very frustrated because their teams are

not participating, performing, or they're not

being productive or they've delivered something

that, um, my husband will say, it's the bring me a

rock. You know, and they're the. The leader is

neglecting to provide the level of clarity that

people and teams need to actually deliver. And I

work with frustrated leaders, and I'm like, let's

take a look in the mirror here. What can you do

differently to make sure that your teams

understand that? And more often than not, um,

they're scared to confront that they may not be an

effective leader. Um.

Oh, that's a whole nother discussion. We might

have to bring you back for that one, because.

Let's do it.

Awesome.

Um, so I want to bring up the thing as we come up

to the top of the hour here. Um, for those of the

people who are looking to get inside this book

giveaway. Um, so right now, to make sure you're

inside the book entry, go ahead on and type in

hashtag excellence. We have four entries right

now. Remember, you only can do it one time, so

even if you type it 50 times, it still counts as

one. So, Dr. Sarah, I'm looking out at you. Not to

call you out there, but, you know. But Dr. Sarah

brought up a good thing. She said she is the Queen

of saying, um, of no. When in the corporate

America. No, I don't want to go to lunch to leave

early. And I thought about that. Um, what else?

She says. She says that I would say these are the

things you want me to accomplish.

Yes.

And I can't do both. Which one do you want me to

complete?

What's that? Prioritization. It's like, which one

of these is a priority? Right. Yeah. Love it. Love

that.

And. Well, because doctor said she recently

retired, so she likes. Um. And I actually got her.

Her episode pre recorded. We just got to get time

to get it up out of there.

Okay. All right. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah.

I'm saying no.

And she further. Further say, um. Exactly. A

leadership issue. If you're the company workhorse

they typically have no problem dumping. And I have

no problem saying no. Yeah. Um, I am that person.

So I'm working on my no phase starting next week

because now that the shutdown's over.

Yeah.

A lot of things.

So I would encourage, like, there's a place of

understanding.

Right.

Uh, it's 100. There's a leadership issue because

your leadership should understand what's on your

plate, what the priorities are, what you're doing,

and those kind of things. But. But it's also

incumbent upon you as the person to say, I've got

these just for your awareness. Here's what I have.

Help me prioritize, because now you're giving me

something else. I need to prioritize. What do you

need me to do? And what can I offload? How can we

spread the work a little bit? If this is a

priority here, and I see people so often just kind

of keep taking it on, and then burnout happens,

frustration happens, resentment happens. And. And

it's on both ends because the leader is very

frustrated because the person's not getting it

done or not getting it done fast enough or what

have you. And then they're frustrated because they

keep getting dumped on. So I see. She only typed

it once.

Right. Uh, you know, I see you, Dr. St. I'm just

saying. I see you.

All right, so we got four. All right. I don't see

any more new ones. So you ready for the drum roll?

Yes.

I usually have. I used to have some music for

this. I, um, want to play the. Yeah, that's. That

should be it. Yeah, let's do this. This will be

our music for the drum roll.

Nothing beats a jetsu holiday. And right now you

can save up to £240 for a family of four. Don't

miss out.

I don't care. Hey, Dr. Awesome.

She gets the book. I'm so excited. I will sign it

and um, you'll have to tell me how to connect

there so I can get it out. So.

Oh, so tell her what email to send it to and then

she'll send you her contact info.

All right, so you can email me at Jillian J Y L L

I A N@isocoaching LLC.com again that's

Billionsocoaching LLC.com.

And put the subject line about that wallet live.

Yeah, that sounds good. So just tell me all your,

give me all your information. I'll get it out to

you, I'll sign it and send it away. So. Yeah,

awesome. But really quick. I know remind you but

it is a show about money and here's what I will

say really quick. Right. Okay. Is that um, a lot

of people take all types of time to invest in, in

whatever, everything. Maybe it's even I'll invest

in a weight loss program or I'll invest in new

floors in my situation or what have you. I liken

investing in yourself, your leadership skills and

self discovery and learning all about yourself as

an asset. Okay. And your liability there is if you

don't do it, there's a lot of risks. There's a lot

of risk there. It's a liability for you not to

understand and be self aware. It's a liability for

you to have the impact that you really don't want

to have and you're negatively impacting and you're

not very self aware of that. So um, so that's what

I will say if you're doing things out of

obligation or misalignment or something, there's

your liability. So for your financial folks there

assets and liabilities, I got to bring that in for

you. Promise you I would.

I appreciate it. Thank you so much.

Well, this was fun. Jillian, one, um, more time.

Can you just tell people where they can find out m

more about you and actually get a hold of your

book?

Yes. So, um, you can find me on Instagram or

LinkedIn. Jillian Clark. Um, not that hard to find

there and uh, I invite you to also go to my

website which is isocoaching llc llc.com I am

right in the midst of reconstructing. So um,

probably in about a month, maybe a little less

than that, I'll have a brand new website out there

for you and places for you to connect. I am

developing, building a community. It's already

underway but I will be officially launching that

the beginning of December, mid December. So you'll

be able to see that. Which is why I'm revamping my

website and doing a lot of things there. So

please, please, please connect with me. Share. Um,

I do coaching. I've got the community element as

well. And then again, I have the trademarked

initiative. I am me, 100% validated which I can do

virtual or in person. And it really is a 90 to 120

minute self guided journey. What took me months to

figure it out. I've packaged it up and it's so

powerful in a 90 to 120 minute session. So please

do follow me.

Love it, love it, love it. Thank you so much. This

was great. Um, hopefully everybody who's listening

right now, make sure that y' all are having a

wonderful, wonderful time. This is again, can't

thank you enough. Make sure y' all go follow her,

um, on all the social platforms, make sure y' all

continue to hit the like subscribe button. Share

this out. And if you haven't already, if y' all

new here, please remember the likes really do help

out because that's the only way I can really get

my reach and to kind of share this information and

get more people like Jillian onto the show. Uh,

especially on the live shows. I love the live show

because I don't have to edit.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So listen really quick. If

you miss my contact information, you know how to

get in touch with Anthony. But find me, message

me, you can DM me, whatever on Instagram and I'll

make sure that we connect. So perfect.

All right, everybody remember you uh, can put on

one show at a time. If you try to put on both, you

will trip. All right, I'll be safe.

Thank you, Anthony. This fun.

All right, stay off a little bit, okay? Mhm.

Sam.