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6:07 Family Matters
Episode 716th March 2023 • Devil's Trap: A Supernatural Podcast • Don't Be A Dick Productions
00:00:00 01:22:57

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We are talking about Supernatural Season Season Six Episode Seven "Family Matters." Liz torments Diana with a quiz about Vampires in Pop Culture.

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jerk: Welcome to this week's episode of Devil's Trap podcast. Diana. 

Bitch: And I'm Liz, coming to you live once again from my childhood bedroom where I have no proper lighting or technically a really good sound. But hey, we are doing it sisters. 

jerk: doing it, 

Bitch: We doing it for ourselves. How are you, Diana? 

jerk: I'm all right. I'm all right. Um, you know, it's, uh, like, I think I've alluded like my, my life is very busy right now and That's okay. 

Bitch: What week is it? 

jerk: what 

Bitch: It's south. By week. I was like, what? 

jerk: by week. Oh yeah. So yeah, it's south by week and, um, it's also just, I mean, just makes it exceptionally busy season for the music industry in Texas and in general, but it's pretty fucking cray. All good stuff for the most part. Just cray. So, yeah. Uh, what have 

Bitch: I'm del 

jerk: up to? 

Bitch: I was gonna say, I'm delighted that I am actually nowhere near Austin for the next week. That, you know, it was a benefit of some of my, my sudden, uh, relocation to this room. Um, I'm, I'm in more of this room. I'm not being held hostage. Everything is fine, , uh, but I am you. Oh, so T L D R I am in a house with my mom and trying to wrangle four cats, and that is, you know, a, a job into itself. 

Bitch: Just, you know, and I still have my regular job and this job. . But you know, like when people have kids you're like, yeah, you know, that seems like a lot of work. People should try having four fucking cats. Like this is some gnarly ass, nasty, smelly shit. And I've got like, they all have like their little like territories and I need to find the documentary where like the cats like have you were the one where they, I can't remember the name of it. 

Bitch: I think it was like The Life of Cats or something. See where like they had like the city cats and they had the cats that like lived in the house and like the farm cats and they put gp, like they put GPS trackers in their collars and they figured out like where they wandered for like a mile. And then they figured out that even inside a house that like cats have their little territories. 

Bitch: So I can see like these cats like doing things. And so. But like my cat is upstairs and like logged in. Like she's not locked in a closet. Don't call uh, Sarah McLaughlin. She's just like, you know, in like a large bedroom and bathroom space. But she has, 

jerk: her dedicated area. 

Bitch: she has her dedicated area because we cannot have, what happens when she meets the other cats who are chunkers, they're like the world, they are so, so fat and they're. 

jerk: flu fi hunkers. 

Bitch: Some of them are, one of them is Fluffy, 

jerk: one's fluffy. 

Bitch: the other two are just, they're big farm cats. Like they, they're thick, they, I think they're thick. I don't think they're chunky, they're thick, 

jerk: with two Cs. 

Bitch: those two Zs. And so in order to make, you know, I'm trying to smarten up this house to make it a little more accessible for some elder care and some other things. 

Bitch: Right? And one of the things is like, okay, we gotta get this litter situation under control. And so I have, you know, acquired the famous like robot litter thing. You know, the thing that everyone says is so great, but they don't preface it with, but you've gotta teach the cats how to use those litter boxes. 

Bitch: They don't wanna go in there cuz they're afraid of it cuz it's the fucking robot and they don't wanna go inside it. And so I started asking my coworker and when I was like, oh yeah, I got them to use it after two to three weeks. 

jerk: Who? 

Bitch: And so one of the, the things that you're supposed to do is to let the, their litter box just like let it go. 

jerk: Just let it get funky, 

Bitch: So, 

jerk: they find 

Bitch: so they, so they go in the other thing that's right next to it, but that's also the room that I work out of for most of the day. So it's just like this foul 

jerk: oh, 

Bitch: is that point of . So that's my, my insane life right now. And if anybody has like, tips on how to get your cats into the fucking robot litter thing, let me know. 

Bitch: Like I tried just putting one of them in there and I think I traumatized it. 

jerk: It's like, nope. Never going in there again. 

Bitch: She's just like, no. Well, it was a food motivated one, right? So I've gotten her to like put her paw on it just by putting food on it. 

jerk: Uhhuh. 

Bitch: But I don't wanna like be like, come eat here. Like, that's not a thing you wanna teach a cat? Like I don't wanna put the treats in there like 

jerk: That's true. That's true. 

Bitch: Yeah. And 

jerk: a, that's a fun challenge. 

Bitch: it's a fun challenge. 

Bitch: So it's very much a, trying to figure that out. I currently have no water. I don't know why. I have no idea. Um, yeah. And just using, you sisters doing it for themselves. I used to chainsaw this week, hacked down a bunch of trees that were, all over a porch because it's Texas and things fall and we had a big ice storm and I guess just nobody took care of that. 

Bitch: And I was tired of looking at trees, so one of my friends bought me a, you know, like it's, they're so much easier to use now. They're electric. Like it was so much less, like, 

jerk: Oh, 

Bitch: cuz you know, like the whole like cool chain thing. Like, I always knew I was gonna like lose miss that chain and like pop myself in the face of the blade. 

Bitch: Like, you know, 

jerk: Yeah. 

Bitch: would be like a machete dry or machete tour guide, but with a chainsaw like scar, which made me badass, but, you know, not the look I want. 

jerk: nah, no. I, I agree. It's not probably the the goal. 

Bitch: Yeah. But now like, it's just like, there's, you know, it's looks like a regular chainsaw, but it's very light and you just put like, you know, like a reo bee like battery or lithium battery in it 

jerk: Push a 

Bitch: just push a button and it's so easy. 

jerk: I like 

Bitch: So 

jerk: I appreciate 

Bitch: zombie, apocalypse, new weapon for sure. Like that. And my friend said he was gonna throw it out afterwards. 

Bitch: I'm like, the hell you are. Like, I have a new chainsaw, is what I heard. If you said you're gonna throw it out. 

jerk: Yeah. 

Bitch: Mm-hmm. 

jerk: That's usable. 

Bitch: So that's, you know, my home study. Uh, so just doing that and cleaning, like the cleaning never stops. Diana. I feel like Cinderella just without, you know, but at least I'm not in heels, I guess. 

Bitch: At least I don't have to wear glass shoes. Those seem very uncomfortable. 

jerk: Yeah. 

Bitch: does. Uh, 

jerk: Huh? 

Bitch: so how about you? What is exciting in the, your household? 

jerk: Well, I'll, I'll start with the more mundane and we'll we will 

Bitch: Okay, 

jerk: most 

Bitch: gonna build. 

jerk: so yeah, I mean, might as well. So, um, yeah, this past weekend, uh, I went to a couple, I went to a local show and then also got to go see, uh, a really great touring artist, uh, Sierra Ferrell with Jamie Wyatt, they both have angel voices and are amazing and, you know, it was a really good show, um, that my company put on. Then, I got to go, it's spring break for most of the, of, well, a lot of the people of the schools in Texas right now. So like, anyways, my sister and my niece were off, so it was, uh, time to go eat, uh, Italy for lunch, 

Bitch: You have to say it right. 

jerk: So, uh, we went to, uh, Italy at North Park to have lunch at the, with the fam and babe and all. uh, had a lovely bottle of red wine at lunch. Yes, I went back to work having a bottle, a glass of wine. I didn't drink the bottle by myself, don't care. And we had this lovely bottle and it was $60, which sharing, you know, okay. 60 bucks for a bottle of wine at a meal. Not insane, But I'm like, Hey, I like this wine so much, and they sell wine here. 

jerk: I bet they have this wine on the shelf. I'm going to go buy it. Knowing that if you didn't know this, most wine that you buy in a restaurant is about a hundred percent markup from what? The price At the retail price, not the wholesale retail price. It's about a hundred percent markup. Okay. So whatever you're gonna buy it for at the wine store, they're charging you twice that, that's standard. it is what it is. 

Bitch: It's shitty, but it, people do it, 

jerk: Well, it, it's pretty, 

Bitch: it's standard. But I know a lot of restaurants that do not so. 

jerk: Well, so I go to buy this bottle of wine and not get the greatest service in the wine department, but that's neither here nor there. Definitely judged people buying garbage wine. And then, found the bottle and it was $15 and 90 cents. 

Bitch: Mm. 

jerk: at the restaurant in the same establishment, it was $60 for a bottle or 15 for a glass. And you know what?

jerk: It's fucking stupid and offensive. And I was pissed, but I bought the wine because it's good and I'm drinking it right now. 

Bitch: Well, I, but the thing is also, if you have never been to e Tele, which, oh, so it's basically, we've talked about it on the show before. It's a place where there's, you know, there is a restaurant in the middle of a goddamn grocery store and it's just a grocery store. Right. But it's a grocery store that has Italian products, but it's also like they're delicious. 

Bitch: Like, I wanna eat everything that's in there. Like it's all the food, like it's all my carbs, it's all my truffles, it's all my butter, it's all my cheese. Yes, yes, yes. And, and wine and whatever, but 

jerk: salami and 

Bitch: it's 

jerk: and 

Bitch: whatever 

jerk: it's 

Bitch: wine store. So it's not like the wine store, like was, the restaurant was across the street from the liquor store where you could get it. 

Bitch: Like it was a literal, like you hop a turns style and there's the bottle of wine. 

jerk: Who in a turns style, it's just in the same property anyways, so it was annoying. Um, so yeah, is what it is, but uh, the wine's delicious. So multiple 

Bitch: It is, it is what it, but what it is is stupid. 

jerk: Well, yeah, I might write a strongly worded letter. Anyways, I, and what's, and what's kind of annoying is I would've happily played paid 30, 25 to $30 for that bottle. They could have charged me that. And I've been like, okay, that sounds about right. 

Bitch: Would, it would be really funny if you're really pissed and then like someone just fucked up and like mark the, the price of their wine wrong. And like, I'm the store and it was supposed to be like 45 and like maybe someone had this scam running this entire time and like, you're about to like get somebody fired or like ruin someone's scam. 

Bitch: Like there were, there was like, bitch, I was getting this wine for $15. Why'd you have to be a. 

jerk: Right. Anyways, uh, but in much more exciting news and positive news is, um, the, uh, our household decided to add a family member last week. And so, uh, we are very pleased to welcome, uh, is his name to the household. He is a blue pit that we got from an amazing local rescue called the Love Pit, and has a, uh, he has, um, a very beautiful face. 

jerk: He's just over a year old and has 3.5 legs. 

Bitch: Is adorable, 

jerk: He is, he's very cute. He's a little very sweet and also a little wiggle worm and gets along great with the other dogs after a little bit of a concerning day one. Uh, now they're all like Artie besties. 

Bitch: but I think it wasn't a day when like y'all started that late. Like that's a disrupt. 

jerk: day, day one was still bad. 

Bitch: Well, yeah. 

jerk: one was still 

Bitch: Okay. 

jerk: next day was still bad, but yeah, no, it was, it was, there was some little rough patches, but you know, it's bringing a new dog into other dog's territory and they have to acclimate. And my other dogs are older. They're like nine to 10. 

jerk: And this is a little 

Bitch: and you can't keep, you can't keep your dog in a bedroom like this cat 

jerk: We, yeah, no, we, we tried to do some, we had to do some separating for a few days and now it's, now that it's, now it's free for all in. They're all happy. So it's good. 

Bitch: We can't wait to meet my new friend. I'm very excited. 

jerk: He's, he's a funny little guy for sure. I keep calling him dude der cuz he's a funny little guy. Mike, little der. Oh no, this 

Bitch: Little de de. 

jerk: I can't say that cause I'm gonna end up calling him that all the time. He's gonna think that's his name Anyways, so 

Bitch: why I kept pressing you. It was like, it was like, just come to the consensus on the name. 

jerk: so we 

Bitch: Yeah, 

jerk: Elvis. 

jerk: We, we say it note to him all the time. Alby for short. Um, for those that would like to know the 

Bitch: I'll be there. 

jerk: I'll give you my little, uh, the little background is, so it's Anbu Dumble door reference. And it's because, um, he worked, uh, he had a gray beard and wore a lot of blues and grays. So blue pit makes sense. And, uh, he had, he had a shriveled hand due to a curse. Um, in, in the, in the books, if you are not a Harry Potter fan Doggo has a little birth defect in one of his legs is a little, little short and special. A little chicken 

Bitch: Um, 

jerk: So 

Bitch: no, I, I prefer to think that it was curse. What did he do? Who cursed him? Can we curse them back? 

jerk: We should, there we go. That's the inspo. 

Bitch: Envo, I'm gonna hit you. 

jerk: Inspo, 

Bitch: don't say that word 

jerk: inspo. 

Bitch: en I'm dog. I hope you really like it. He's a rescue. Of course. He's a rescue like my dog. 

jerk: And, and in the midst of all 

Bitch: after you. Yeah. 

jerk: he finally released his, uh, shirtless around a shirtless travel calendar. And, um, they, um, he's donating, um, proceeds to the love pit as well. So there you go. Speaking of doing good, 

Bitch: So we will, we will cross promote that and we will post that on our Insta. So you can see, maybe that'll bring, maybe Dave's milkshake. We'll bring the listeners to our yard. And so if you, if you came here for Dave's shirtless around the world, um, welcome. Sit back, buckle up and maybe next week you'll get a surprise. 

Bitch: So let's dive into talking about Supernatural Cause it's why we're here. And we're, we're gonna talk about season six, episodes seven Family Matters, right? That's new. It is blank on my screen and I'm just like, I think it's Family Matters. 

jerk: You're correct. You're correct. 

Bitch: Hak Hak. So, um, so we're here, we're here in season six and there's some, there's some bumpy shit that's going, that's gonna happen that makes me not, not the happiest person, but there's some good things in this episode and, and some, and some bads. I think we'll kind of, we'll, we'll meld through those. 

jerk: Yeah. 

Bitch: Yeah. 

jerk: some good re we get some good reveals and some good plot line, uh, aspects here, I think, and some, and some interesting character development. Um, so yeah. 

bout, you know, cuz we are in:

Bitch: But even before that, this show was already five years in the making. So I was just thinking about the timeline and the production and the things that have changed and the things that have stayed the same. Right? So it has to be really cool to direct something in the first season and then come back in the fit after. 

Bitch: Everyone's kind of like, like gelled and got their groove, 

jerk: and yeah, it's, the show's super established now and yeah, that does have to be 

Bitch: yeah. 

jerk: it's gotta be kind of flattering for them to call you back, like, okay. 

Bitch: Yeah. And he said like, uh, almost like 95% of the crew is the same. And you know, like he'd been friends with them because the Vancouver film crews, you know, like the, that scene is tight. And so I just thought that was interesting. And, you know, some, it's just a fun, he's a fun director and I, I like what he did in this episode. 

Bitch: Uh, he doesn't really have a lot of, of new things going on. Seems lately he's tweeting a lot, but, you know, we all have our jobs stuck in the years, whatever. Um, but it, yeah. Uh, I, I can go read his sweets. I, I'm not talking about 'em. All right. So this is also written by, uh, dab and Laughlin. So yeah. I love it with these duos are together. 

Bitch: So, 

jerk: mm-hmm. 

Bitch: and I did feel like family matters, which we know was an urkel, you know, a reference to family matters. Like we could have had like one urkel, like a Winslow, like some sort of reference in here. I think y'all missed the ball on this guys like, 

jerk: I think you're right. Perfect opportunity. Very easy references to make. 

Bitch: For sure. So we start off with tied up in a chair, which, you know, 

jerk: He is. 

Bitch: whatever. 

jerk: So we got, yeah, we've got, um, Sam's tied up and is slowly coming out of being knocked out. Cause if we remember, we ended episode six with Dean beating the ever-loving shit out of Sam's face. 

Bitch: And so, and I was pointed out on a supernatural wiki that the beating that was happening on his face doesn't necessarily match the wounds that he currently has, but maybe like, has healed him and like Dean beat him again. Either way. Like you be, there was too much say, I'm beating going on. But Cass 

jerk: lot. 

Bitch: Yeah, Cass is playing doctor, and I love his diagnostic questions, right? 

Bitch: I feel like there's like a, there're gonna be a chart and be like, all right, you know, like fever, talking in tongues, sleepy. Like, those are all things like on his checklist. 

jerk: yeah. Uh, and he's like, no, but, but we do find out that Sam hasn't slept since he came back over a year ago. 

Bitch: But then like, and like, but he was just passed out so you can, he can be knocked unconscious, but he doesn't sleep. Is that why it took so long for him to pass out when Dean was punching him? 

jerk: Maybe. That's a good question, I don't know. Um, but then his next question is asking what Sam feels, and Sam's like, oh, my nose is broken. He's like, no, no, not, not at the F. 

Bitch: My nose hurts. 

jerk: Yeah, feel pain. My face fucking hurts. No. Um, he's like, yeah, my, he's like, no, no, not physical. What do you feel? And Sam can't answer that. now we know Castiel has a suspicion and informs him that this is gonna be unpleasant and sticks a belt in his mouth. I'm just gonna tell you, there's something, somebody tells you something's gonna be unpleasant and sticks a belt in your mouth, you can probably rest a shirt. It's gonna be unpleasant. 

Bitch: Also, where did he get the belt? 

jerk: He pulled it off. I thought of himself, 

Bitch: didn't 

jerk: know. 

Bitch: like And also like how weird would it be? Like, okay, so we have like your brother's boyfriend. He is just like, hold, 

jerk: This is gonna be unpleasant. 

Bitch: are you doing? 

jerk: Yeah. so, and then he castile reaches inside Sam, who is obviously in a large amount of pain and figures out that, 

Bitch: No, he does a chest cavity search. You have to say it cuz it's funny cuz it's a chest cavity and so it's like a cavity search, but it's a chest cavity search and that, that amuses me. 

jerk: Well, his soul's gone. Sam ain't got no soul. 

Bitch: Sorry, I feel like, like sober, just like 

jerk: Woo. 

Bitch: down. He can't get down anymore. He just can't. 

jerk: but get on up, but get on down. Uh, so you got it. You got the bop. You got a good bop. Uh, so Dean's like, uh, Castiel, what the fuck? And he's like, yeah, he got resurrected without his soul. Uh, must still be down in the cage with Michael and Lucifer. 

jerk: Sorry. Uh, and so I like that though. Dean is like, well, is it still Sam and Cass's? Like, Hey, hey, that's a philosophical question. touch 

Bitch: But is one that I think, like, we're not really dig, like I would spend so much time talking about this, like what difference does this make? And I think, you know, some of the other people in this epi or things in this episode, or just as interested, just being like, what, what does that mean? How are you different? 

Bitch: Look, how does this make you different than other Sam? Right. And so, 

jerk: right, 

Bitch: cuz he clearly there's some things like he's doing because he should. Right. 

jerk: right. 

Bitch: But so he does feel that if this is ai, he's like, Sam is a computer. 

jerk: Sam is ai. 

Bitch: Sam is ai, this is exactly, is is that, is, is that what it is? Like, 

jerk: I don't 

Bitch: because he's still like, he knows and we'll see him kind of going through right and wrong in this episode in fun ways. 

jerk: Yeah. Well, and so of course, of course Dean wants to get his soul back cuz that's what Dean does. He's a fixer. 

Bitch: Mm-hmm. 

jerk: Um, but he don't trust soulless Sam. And so he's like, no, no, you're gonna fricking stay here and get tied up. You, um, you know that that's all there is to it. And they go back and forth about it. 

Bitch: Yeah, I just love this. I was just like, I'm fine. . I'm fine with that's, I don't need it. It's cool. 

jerk: cool. 

Bitch: Do you, your life is, yeah. I'm like, I don't have like that much memorial compass, like whatever. 

jerk: So, but they agree finally, like, look, Sam's able to unie himself because, but he was so, he was just sitting there the whole time 

Bitch: It's also hot. 

jerk: because he wanted to. And uh, I was like, ah, yeah, no, you're stuck with the Sola guy. Sorry. So, uh, Castile go clean him up and poops him back to being put. Well, all healed. then, uh, know, they gotta go figure out who busted Sam outta hell. Sam says he remembers is waking up in a field. But then there's one other thing. Ooh. Ooh. do we give you next? We go to the Campbell can. That's what I'm calling it. It's not the Campbell compound. As the Campbell can. You're welcome. your bad soup joke for you. I went for it. went for it. 

Bitch: You sure did. You sure did. 

jerk: I wasn't even drinking when I wrote that. You're welcome. Because they're gonna go see Samuel. 

Bitch: and they are, and so within the Campbell can, everybody is just sharpening knives. That is all you do there. You need to sharpens and things. 

jerk: yeah. So I mean, I mean, I guess they're good at it. I'm not, so it's nice to know it's a good skillset set to have. 

Bitch: You know, like I, I find it soothing. I also know that I have no idea where any knife grinders ever are when I need them. Like, I feel like this is, like, I'm in my parents' house. My father probably has a butt load of them where they are. I don't know. So when I need them, I never have them. So, but I, I, I enjoy that, uh, clicking like the, it's very soothing and meditating, but 

jerk: Hmm. 

Bitch: this is a lot, it's. 

jerk: It's a lot of, lot of knife shepherding going on, so they go see Samuel uh, he does have a nice little library room, and so it's Dean and Sam and Samuel and, uh, Castiel appears as, as the quote unquote, their wingman get it. Huh? So basically they're like, Samuel, you, you, we need to know what the fuck is going on. Um, and Samuel decide to make a snide comment about cast being scrawny. So casts informs him that his true form would be the size of the Chrysler building. 

Bitch: And but when do they ever use their true forms? Because even when they're up in heaven, they're still in their vessels. Right? So like, when does the true form shit happen? Like if like Cassiel is talking to another angel, like why aren't they in their true forums, they don't need to be in their vessels. 

Bitch: Like, what happens to their vessel when they go to their, like are they just stuck at like, are they stuck in their vessel until they exit it to become their true forum? 

jerk: I don't know. That's a good question. There's not a lot of clarity. They don't give a lot 

Bitch: I don't get it. 

jerk: on the angels. 

Bitch: I dunno. Yeah. So, but we do find, we still, you said like, we start getting a lot of, we get a lot of story. We get like an expose here. 

jerk: Mm-hmm. Yeah. So we find out Samuel's like, look, I'm not, I've got nothing to hide. Um, so whatever you need to do, and Castile's gonna check. So he's gonna get his cavity search is what they call it here. Um, 

Bitch: I also call it a sew clan. 

jerk: and, uh, anyways, what, what 

Bitch: basically. Basically like cast, 

jerk: hazy. 

Bitch: fist him from the front 

jerk: Yeah. 

Bitch: that is the fist from the front. So through your belly button, which she don't like. Yeah, no. We're just gonna stop. Okay, go on. All right. 

jerk: So his soul's intact. And Samuel's like, Hey, you know, 

Bitch: DeWit, does that maybe goes through the umbi cord, do you think? It actually goes through the belly button, like, and that's where your soul is, your souls inside your belly button because it looks like it's way down further in the crotch. Like once his hand like gets in there, like maybe it's a prostate. 

jerk: I don't 

Bitch: But I don't have a 

jerk: No, 

Bitch: prostates. Why I don't soul 

jerk: well there's a lot of, lot of women without souls then. Um, yeah, I 

Bitch: is that white men hate us. 

jerk: I got the, I impress I had a feeling that it was like he was reaching, like, in this area and reached up, like under 

Bitch: Oh, see, I saw down. Oh, you saw up? Okay. All right. We all see what we see. It's like a war test, but just with where people get fisted their, their belly button. Okay, moving on. So, Samuel is very upset about how touched by an angel, he got 

jerk: yeah, he's not into it, but he's basically like, Hey, you know, by the way, I kinda, no. I was like, 

Bitch: a 

jerk: yeah, like, yeah. One more time. Uh, 

Bitch: do it. 

jerk: Oh my gosh. Uh, so Samuel though d did know something was up. He's like, yeah, I knew something was off and Sam scared me sometimes. So I'm not surprised by this information. Uh, but I'll help you guys. It'll be fine. Uh, and Castillo's like, cool, I got a, I got a bolt because I'm just in the middle of a civil war. 

jerk: Don't mind me. And Dean's real mad about it, but he's like, yeah, of course, Dean, your problems come first. And Cassiel leaves 

Bitch: So was that sarcasm? I mean, obviously we know the couple is fighting and they're bickering with each other is like, but to say, but I also don't feel like it was sarcasm. I feel like Cass really meant like your problems come first and like just, 

jerk: doesn't because he didn't come when Dean was calling for help before. So he doesn't mean that shit. 

Bitch: I think they've come first when they have to. I don't know. But anyways, he's gonna tear the attic up and Yeah. And Angel and Dean's gonna come first. 

jerk: So Dean wants to know why the Campbell can, has all these hunters gathered because they're going to have a big hunt cuz they've got a lead on the aamp. Woo. And uh, 

Bitch: Oh my God. That's a sound Pilate instructors mic. 

jerk: I do that a lot. Uh, and so and so they're going in the morning and Sam is real bummed that Samuel didn't call him and ask him to come. 

Bitch: Well, 

jerk: And like, well obviously it's cuz of me, cuz Samuel doesn't trust me, especially on a big, big thing like this. Uh, and Sam is like, no, I just don't know you. 

Bitch: wait, 

jerk: And 

Bitch: I don't get it. 

jerk: what Dean's like, it's fine. Look, we'll go with you. You can call all the shots. I'll listen. I just don't wanna miss the big, daddy blood sucker. 

Bitch: Big daddy blood sucker. That is what he calls him. And that's gross, but also awesome. Cause if it's just like, I'm gonna go find my big daddy bear, that is what Dean like the, you just riding this fanfic for them guys. Like you really are like, y'all just put it out there. But, 

jerk: and he, and he straight upset, tells Samuel he trusts him. 

Bitch: and, and yeah. It's like, I trust you. And then like five minutes laters. Like, I don't trust him. But I mean, at the same time it's like, why would, why would these guys trust? But I also get like fomo, right? Like, oh shit, no. Like you have the alpha fans. Like, I wanna see that. Like of course I'm in. 

jerk: yeah. So, uh, Sam though is shocked that Dean has said that he doesn't trust someone in his family. And 

Bitch: See, and that's AI shit. I feel like that's programmed like, because like you, you code that in there. You love family. And Sam's like I'm supposed, but Dean, you don't trust grandpa. He family do not compute. 

jerk: Does not compute. Does not compute. they go back in and we are in the hunter weapon layer with, jars of blood axes, machetes, and more where, uh, Sam sits down to help prep things while Dean wanders off to go explore by himself and break into Samuel's office. But he gets caught by Christian. He tries to play it off, and then they just totally shit talk to each other back and forth until, uh, Christian implies that when they go on the big hunt tomorrow, accidents happen. 

jerk: So basically saying he might try to kill Dean. 

Bitch: And he also gets really rude and says that the only action that Dean has seen is between his girlfriend slut legs, which is I think very harsh dialogue and disgusting. And like too far Christian, like I don't care who you're shit talking like, whoa. And that's when Dean like is just like, that is too far Christian, and throws him up against the wall. 

jerk: Dean was the one to talk to, say something about talking to Christian's wife at the beginning of 

Bitch: He did, but he, it wasn't as like, it was more like a, your mama like 

jerk: It was 

Bitch: it was, it was more like, yeah, just like a fuck your wife. You know? Like that kind of shit talk. But like when you go to like split legs, like that's too far. Like I don't know why it's, well, there's many reasons why, but he is just like, so you're like the shit, I know it's about to happen to Christian. 

Bitch: Like, I don't mind. But also the implying that I'm going to accidentally kill you on our mission. 

jerk: Right. I feel like those, that combination is pretty over the line. Christian. 

Bitch: You're not this, this workplace is hostile. 

jerk: It's an hostile work environment for sure. Oh, so it's just before Dawn. They're loaded up. We got three trucks, the van and baby all rolling 

Bitch: I do love the van, man. If we could throw some surveillance equipment in here, I would be set. But I love it. Like go van. 

jerk: Govan. they park and Samuel's given the lowdown in assigning duties, like the house is right over the hill. Dozen VAs plus the alpha there. gonna take the flank. The rest of everybody else is gonna come with with me. And, uh, by the way, Dean and Gwen, you stay behind Bernie stragglers Gwen is not happy. She asks if she's, she says, am I'm in the rear with the reject. So, 

Bitch: So I don't know how to feel about Gwen. 

jerk: no, and I think that's intentional. I think they want you to feel mixed about her. 

Bitch: Yeah. Cause I'm just like one, like why is Samuel when, why is Samuel so, I mean, obviously he equates her with Mary, but it is like he's very overly protected because there's other women in this hunter group that are not being, it's not a, I 

jerk: Yeah. 

Bitch: think it's a sexist thing. Right. 

jerk: No, 

Bitch: think it. 

jerk: it's a Gwen specific 

Bitch: It is a very Gwen specific thing, and so she wants to fight and I like that about her. 

Bitch: But then also I just don't know where her loyalties are. I just don't, I just dunno how I trust her. Right. 

jerk: Well, and then she makes a comment and then, and Dean, she kind of apologizes to Dean after everybody leaves 

Bitch: Because she's not a bitch. And that's, and that's what's confusing. She's not a bitch. 

jerk: nah. And, but he's like, well, you know, he's like, she's, she, they figured out, they make the illusion that he, that Samuel thinks of her, like Mary, and they're, and, and, um, Dean basically says it's a compliment. 

jerk: Like when he says like, yeah, you speak your mind like her, so, you know, and she's like, well, yeah, it's, it's a positive. So maybe there are other characteristics about her that carry over. So then they hear a noise in the bushes, and of course a vampire attacks them. And, and, uh, that's good hissing going on. She gets attacked. Dean jumps in and she cuts his head off and there's 

Bitch: Yeah, Dean kinda gets his as, like, he's not on his a game. He kind of gets his eye, he's not looking very good. And so he gets his ass kicked by his van and she saves his ass. Right. And then, uh, somebody, you hear somebody, um, wait, and then they, 

jerk: gunshots. 

Bitch: Then you hear gunshots, right? And so Dean goes running towards the gunshots like an asshole, 

jerk: like 

Bitch: and, and leaves her alone, which is honestly like, it, that is more the shitty thing is like, okay, Dean, you had shit to do, but you just also left her by yourself. 

Bitch: Like, that's 

jerk: You should 

Bitch: you know, like, 

jerk: or not. 

Bitch: either like you, you can't just leave her there. That's rude. 

jerk: it is. 

Bitch: Suck. Stop leaving your friends behind dickheads. All right. 

jerk: so they go and, um, he gets to the house and there are bodies strewn about on the grounds with, uh, missing their heads. And then he sees, um, he sees like the wind vein and he has his little vampy flashback, including the creepy twins. And you see a couple more decapitated bodies. And then we see one of the chicks from the compound at the window yell out to him then get yanked back. And then there's blood splatter. 

Bitch: So who was the chick at the window? Was that a hunter? Was it a vampire? Because it looks like she said Dean. Right. 

jerk: Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I thought she 

Bitch: So was it a, because I was like, well, it, I can't tell. This is someone who was with him or vampire who remembered him because he just remembered his VA daddy and do all VAs remember each other. 

jerk: I don't know. I assumed it was a hunter. 

Bitch: Okay. Whatever it is. Confused and I'm confused. And so he goes back to Gwen finally he was like, oh yeah, I should check on this girl, but I just left by herself. 

jerk: Well first, before he goes back, sneaking around, he hears 

Bitch: Oh yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry. 

jerk: and he sees Samuel with other hunters and Sam carrying a jar of blood leading a alpha van with a hood over his head the back of the van. 

Bitch: What's up with the blood? 

jerk: I don't know, 

Bitch: Is it like follow? It just follows blood follow like just like 

jerk: like leading, like, like leading the cat to the litter box 

Bitch: like me with like the trees trying to be like go to the litter box when I can't put the blood in the van, or he won't get in. 

jerk: is it? Or is it, or are they chasing him with it? Cause it's the dead man's blood. It's weird. So Sam kind of thinks he saw Adeen, but he is not sure. So D Dean does go back to Gwen and when he gets there, she asks where he was right? Then those Samuel and the others all return and, uh, They ask how everything was. 

jerk: And, and Gwen does not rat out Sam, uh, Dean for having left. 

Bitch: See 

jerk: is like, oh yeah, there's one Gwen's being kind of cool. Kind of cool, Gwen. Okay. So Dean's like, Hey, yeah, by the way, where's that Alpha? I wanna go pay my last respects. And Samuel lies to him 

Bitch: Mm. 

jerk: and says, you better bring your marshmallows. 

jerk: It's already on the pie. Hmm. 

Bitch: Also, nobody wants s'mores over a burning vampire. Um, but 

jerk: love s'mores, but 

Bitch: you are a liar. Liar. No VAs on fire. So , so deans just like Uhhuh and doesn't call him on it. He just lets it ride 

jerk: mm-hmm. 

Bitch: him and 

jerk: he gets 

Bitch: the car with Sam, 

jerk: Yeah. 

Bitch: and then we do another SAM test. 

jerk: oh. He just keeps asking, asking questions, how things went. Nothing weird. 

Bitch: And you can see like the SAM math going on, like, what am I, what am I supposed to do? Like the AI compute is going through leg. He was like, 

jerk: weird? 

Bitch: I lie or do I not say it? Like, what am I supposed to say? I, Samuel is family. I must protect family. But Dean is family and his little brain is just like, whoa, 

jerk: brain melting. Yeah. So, uh, they pull, he dean pulls over screeches to a hall, gets outta the car, confront Sam, and he's like, look, I saw you load up the alpha and that seems weird. And Sam's like, oh, you weren't supposed to know about that. 

Bitch: I appreciate how many times I've gotten to write this season, but he does. He accuses him. 

jerk: Yeah. He's like, oh, it's just something Samuel's been doing. Take some somewhere and grill 'em for info Monster waterboarding. Um, 

Bitch: Yeah, but so like Sam's kinda just like, wait, like is it weird? I didn't know that was weird. I just thought that was normal. Oh, 

jerk: Nah, was, it wasn't my idea not to tell you. Cause I thought you'd mess up. Cuz you're more like shoot f Shoot first ask questions later. But we've got questions we need to ask 

Bitch: S like, dude, dude. Or is Diana was like, bra, 

jerk: bra, 

Bitch: this is, 

jerk: you wanted your soul back bra 

Bitch: this is shady. This is so shady. 

jerk: super shady. Uh, and Sam, but this is where we get what you were alluding to about the, the Sam not being able to compute. He's like, yeah, but he's our grandfather. And Dean's comment to him. Response is, you can't assume family means the same thing to him as it does to us. He's not dad. Woo. 

Bitch: it's also an important life lesson. You know, what your fam like, what family means to you does not necessarily mean what family means to other people. And it's like a very good perspective to have. You know, like we can't all be in our fast and the furious family all the time. Like sometimes there are people that are outside of our family and then we have to take their gas plane or something, I don't know, but. 

jerk: you were really working for the Fasta Furious preference there. I like it. I like it. I like it. So Dean's like Sam, you just have no instincts anymore. Uh, that's kind of messed up. And so, um, know, we've gotta figure this out. So, Dean, I'm Dean says I'm gonna be in charge now. And Sam's like, you have to tell, he's like, Sam, you have to tell me everything because you can't tell what's important. Or, or you get to go with Samuel. It's up to you. 

Bitch: Oh, he's just like, I'm driving this bus 

jerk: Yeah. 

Bitch: I'm also just like, can you be my life coach? I mean, I don't necessarily want Dean Winchester as my life coach because I don't think he makes good decisions, but sometimes. 

jerk: cuz, cuz because I think in your life, I think like the things that, you know, that you need advice on don't have much to do with, um, identity theft, gambling and uh, uh, killing monsters. 

Bitch: I was like, I've dealt with at least one of those this week, 

jerk: Well 

Bitch: and I'm just like, what? I'm like, yeah, theft. Do that. Yeah. Like, but no, but just in general, like the idea of like somebody, like sometimes you're, I'm very tired and maybe this is why people join cults, because there's like someone driving the bus and was like, yes, tell me what I'm supposed to do. 

Bitch: Tell me if it's right from wrong and just drive my bus. Dean. Ooh, now it's all getting dirty again. How does it, 

jerk: it is drive my best. Dean 

Bitch: basically, 

jerk: he know where all the buttons are Anyways, 

Bitch: we're gonna get a choice. I, I do love the way they played this, right? They're like, 

jerk: sure. You get a choice, you follow Dean's lead or you can go back to Samuel pick one. so Sam, we see, we show Sam packing up his bag and goes in to tell Samuel Samuel's packing a bag and Sam enters and says, Hey, uh, Dean left. Um, you know, we're just not seeing eye to eye anymore. 

Bitch: Yep. 

jerk: tells him that, look, I want in, I want it on everything. I wanna be in on inter interrogations or everything. And I'm like, oh, I thought you went too hard. Boy, he's gonna totally get sus, he's not gonna let you in if you say that off the 

Bitch: Yeah, your social engineering skills aren't the best, Sam, that's also part of the problem, like, you know, with not with ai, like not having a still thing, right? Is like learning nuance. Nuance is important. And if you're going into fuck your way backstage, like you need to know like certain nuances of like, you know, who, like, which doorman is important, you know, and how to talk to them. 

Bitch: And so Sam just like, but also, but Samuel has like a very good counter, just like no soul, no go. 

jerk: Mm-hmm. 

Bitch: We can't trust you. Hint. 

jerk: gotta figure it out first. So Sam's kind of sad. He goes outside and he goes into the van where there's this stashed phone. Interesting. And he goes, opens this flip phone and like clicks around on it. Then he walks away and our next scene, we see him get in the car with Dean. What? And they say, who does say it was a 60 40 chance that he thought Sam was actually coming back? So it was a setup. Sam was trying to get on the inside with Samuel and was unsuccessful. So his backup plan that he did not tell Dean, which was a smart one, was to go get the G P S coordinates of the warehouse where they're keeping the alphas from the cell phone. He 

Bitch: Which is smart, 

jerk: laptop and. 

n their moving baby has, it's:

jerk: it's impressive. 

Bitch: wifi and baby that can track this gps you are setting up my surveillance van. Mr. Sam. Mr. Sam Winchester. Cuz this is, this is baller. 

jerk: No. 

Bitch: Uh, but also he's just like, oh, like Samuel doesn't understand Velcro, but in like the last episode, he was a like master hacker and like writing surveillance and like now, like he can't be, like, he will, he doesn't know what a GS tracker is and like, and it also didn't look like he was just clicking in there. 

Bitch: It looked like he put something physical on it, like an actual, 

jerk: sending a text. 

Bitch: I don't know, like 

jerk: like he was sending a text. 

Bitch: why tracker in the van. 

jerk: I don't know. I don't know. It's weird. 

Bitch: Anyways. Alright, so, so much on surveillance, da da da. Uh, so we get a, a cut to Diana's favorite location. 

jerk: Yes. An abandoned warehouse. Industrial sites. Okay. Thank us. 

Bitch: They're gonna pull up. There's gonna be a rave happening here. I'm just saying 

jerk: Right, so we've got, um, a, this warehouse, we got Samuel with Christian and they're 

Bitch: Parker Lewis is just, he can't lose. He is all fucking armed up. 

jerk: And then we've got, uh, Sam and Dean pull up in baby and they find the door has been coded in dead man's blood as a vampire repellent, which they, I think is very clever 

Bitch: I mean, like it's a rep, but like, I think like if I was a vampire, I'd be like, dead man. Oh, there's in here. 

jerk: or something really important in here. 

Bitch: Yeah. Like it was like, why is this random warehouse have de have blood? That's not something I find in like my storage locker normally. Like 

jerk: No. 

Bitch: whatever. 

jerk: we've got somewhere, somewhere in this building, we know that Samuel and Christian are in there fully armed, and now Sam and Dean go in and they're just gonna wander around willy-nilly in a building they don't know. And they almost get caught. Christian almost catches them. 

Bitch: Warehouse, they've been in like 75 times. So by now they the 

jerk: their way, That's fair, fair enough. And uh, but then they realize that they hear Samuel yelling, where is it? And they've got the alpha van who we saw a couple episodes ago, um, the Alpha. he is in like a jail cell, strapped into this like real weird electric chair looking thing with tubes in him. 

Bitch: what, huh? 

jerk: Wtf. 

Bitch: Yeah. So I feel like it's trying, they've tried to cross like a general torture thing with like a CIA black site. They can just, but with, I don't know what this is and I don't. Okay. But. 

jerk: there's like nails in his feet and a tube going into his neck and like a weird chest piece. It's all bizarre 

Bitch: But also 

jerk: are strapped down. 

Bitch: I'm looking at a lie. I love my alpha van daddy. 

jerk: I, 

Bitch: Like he's so sarcastic and I love him because as you're trying this, he's just, oh, stop. It hurts. 

jerk: yeah. 

Bitch: I love him. 

jerk: they throw, yeah, 

Bitch: Will you, daddy, 

jerk: big 

Bitch: can we get rid of the fucking creepy twins and like 

jerk: your bloods, blood sucking daddy, 

Bitch: sucking vamp daddy? 

jerk: uh, and, and throwing this big switch and it's like acting kind of gets electrocuting him, but he doesn't seem to care. It's all weird And then getting like real frustrated, um, with, with this and just, just cannot rattle the alpha. And then alpha laughs and then his fingernails grow real long. 

Bitch: On command. How convenient is that Shit? Like every time like you break a nail, like that shit just grows out on its own. Then you can just go take it, get it, paid it, bam, bam, boom. Like I don't have to spend any money on like powder dip or any shit ever again. 

jerk: Yeah, it's 

Bitch: Make me a vampire. I don't want the teeth though. 

Bitch: Can I get the nails? 

jerk: Not not Can I get the regular teeth, like the 

Bitch: Yeah. Can I get the saying? 

jerk: the, like the two, like the, 

Bitch: Yeah. 

jerk: the, 

Bitch: Yeah. Not the shark teeth. We don't, nobody wants a shark teeth. 

jerk: So, um, the, his, like the storms off cuz he's fucking like annoyed and he's not having any luck. lost me. good old alpha is using that long fingernail to start slowly scratching at the leather wristbands, which makes sense because it doesn't electrocute. 

jerk: But it's also a real weird choice when you've got like this giant metal, like super heavy duty 

Bitch: Where's your silver chains? He's a fucking vampire. Put it in silver chains like, and I think silver works on them in this universe. I'm pretty sure we'll get to that in a minute, but, all right. So, okay. Whatever. Leather chains, da, da, da. But he also smells our boys, and he is just like, 

jerk: there. 

Bitch: boys, come on out. I went to see you. 

Bitch: I wanna talk to you. 

jerk: Yeah. And he wants to know how he can help them. And dean's like, I got questions. And he is like, uh, you know, um, I'm getting pumped through it with a lot of Deads, man, dead man's blood right now. So, um, you know, I can't put on my bat signal, but 

Bitch: His 

jerk: I'm, I'm still, 

Bitch: bat signal. 

jerk: be out of the, his psychic, but I can still, like, I'm not gonna be here very long. 

jerk: So you got 

Bitch: Uh, well, and this, the vape is like very happy to tell them that he's going to eat them, but Sam is really happy that he's like the first alpha vamp, right? Because even with no soul, like Sam still loves lore. This is like me, like I don't have a soul. I still have lore and yes, like we find out the alpha Va daddy has a mommy too, but I think Sam just wants to know more about vampires. 

Bitch: So I think we all need to know more about vampires, but I think we knew a lot already. 

jerk: Yeah. 

Bitch: So I'm gonna ask Diana more about what she knows about vampires. Yeah. So basically I wanted to do this for Laura this week. I'm just torturing Diana cuz it's fun. I love it. Yay. Tortured Diana week. Uh, she's like, I haven't had enough, like a south by week bitch. 

Bitch: Like, but it's a fun torture. It's, you'll like it, you'll, you know, you'll ask her more. Uh, so we're gonna talk about vampires and pop culture because the last time we had this, the surprise guest that's coming on later, we did Hell Hounds in pop culture. 

jerk: we did, 

Bitch: And so I feel like, you know, sometimes we'll circle back to this. 

Bitch: So we're gonna do, we're gonna do vampires in pop culture, but also I know your universe is bitch. I know which vampire is like, you know, so, 

jerk: I know, 

Bitch: uh, so hold on to your thanks. All right. Your first question. This vampire was an inhabitant of the planet. Dron. A world where a Vampiric race lived on blood and where blood flowed in rivers. 

Bitch: Was that a Celine B, Lisa Dragonair, C, VA Pella, or D Carmilla? Ooh, have I gone to some obscure vampire worlds? I have, but they're not that I'm scared. You know them. You'll most really, some of these you'll actually figure out. All right, so a, Selena, B Lisa, Drager, C, va, Perella, or D Carmilla. Which one came from the planet? 

jerk: I'm gonna go with C Cause I dunno. 

Bitch: And you're right, it is Van Perella. She is from Jackie. Hey. 

jerk: Yes. 

Bitch: All right. Number two. Her name means comes from the ancient, oh no. Her name coming from the ancient Greek means shining or luminous. And she is named for the ancient Greek goddess of the moon. Is it a Celine B, Melissa, Jair, Cella, or D Carmilla. 

Bitch: So, Celine, Alyssa, Jair, Vare. It is Celine and that is Celine from Underworld. Okay. So she's not that, she's not, she's been in very a lot of vampire movies. It's Kate Beck. And so bitch doesn't like you, so. Alright. Number three, this influence for Bram Soer Dracula was portrayed by Ingrid Pit. In the movies, it is said to e established the cold and dark atmosphere by which vampires operate a Luci Wikipedia. 

Bitch: So whatever, all it also introduced a vampire with lesbian tendencies. Woo. She liked the women. Oh, scary. What was her name? Was it a Celine B Was Dragon C Van or D. Carmilla? 

jerk: Carmella. 

Bitch: It was in fact D. Carmilla. You're doing so good. So good. This was, that was written by Sheridan. Let, uh, let me say that. Fanny fan, whatever. 

Bitch: It was published in:

Bitch: And the reason she's making a face is this is what a Diana's vampire. Ja. Yep. And um, I think you just watched, you just watched Vampire Academy, which I thought was rather pleasant. 

jerk: I enjoyed it. It's her, uh, gar. It's her guardian it's 

Bitch: All right. Her guardian is a what? Or a who? 

jerk: she's a damper. 

Bitch: Her name. Can you get it? Can you it? 

Bitch: Sorry, I was doing a seal. 

jerk: Oh, it's not, is it rose? 

Bitch: Yes. 

jerk: Rose, rose. Damn it. 

Bitch: I'm sure my mother downstairs like, what the is happening? 

jerk: It's alright. 

Bitch: That's. 

jerk: Yelling, yelling seal songs. It's okay. 

Bitch: If I'm gonna yell, things might as well be Seal Songs. Right? Okay. So we're gonna move away from the, from those ladies. Okay. 

jerk: Okay. 

Bitch: This Vapi or Vampire is known as The Bird of Death who feast upon the blood of Living humans. He is believed to have been created by Bial, B E L I A L, the Lieutenant Demonn of Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan. 

Bitch: There's an A Count or B count found Count C Count Cula, or D Count Dracula. 

jerk: I'm gonna go Decount Dracula. 

Bitch: It is actually a Count Och, AKA Nok. 

jerk: Ah. 

ek in the Southern Film. Nok.:

Bitch: grounds, sorry. Four years of German failed me. All right. Number six, this count studied the black arts at the academies of SCO in the Kathe in mountains overlooking the talent of sibu and has a deep knowledge of alchemy and magic. Is it a count ork, B count font count C count Chok, or D Count Dracula. 

jerk: Dee Count. Dracula. 

Bitch: It is. 

Bitch: Okay. And this is also according to Wikipedia, so the solo Vance, like it looks like Chulo Vance, S C h o L o m a n c E. If you're in our vampire spelling beam was a Fable School of Black Magic in Romania, in Sylvania, supposedly run by the devil and had about 10 students that would become the, so. Solo manari and they taught courses in the speech of animals and magic spells and where the graduates was chosen by the devil to be the weather maker. 

Bitch: And he gets to ride a dragon and control the weather. 

jerk: Huh? That's 

Bitch: I feel like none of my schools like lived up to this at all. Y'all like, what the fuck? Like 

jerk: Oh, 

Bitch: also, I need this universe. They now, someone like makes a shit. 

jerk: Write this book, 

Bitch: There's like some things that like, have been kind of off in that, that world, but like it's just been like a little bit, like, it's just like kind of like, uh, like I think one of those, the, the bone ones, uh, I dunno, there's some things that go through there, but it never actually like digs into it. 

Bitch: So. 

jerk: Right. 

Bitch: Alright, Netflix, pick it up and pay me what you owe me. All right, number seven, this counts. Real name was Alfred. Was that count or lock count? Phone count. Count Dracula, or count Drac. 

jerk: Count Dracula. 

Bitch: Is, 

jerk: Naula. 

Bitch: yes. 

jerk: Dang. 

Bitch: So Count Cho, he was actually named Alfred Frankenberry was named Frank Duh. 

jerk: duh. 

Bitch: so he was actually like Ko Cho's voice was actually Bella Lagosi in a lot of the original commercials. And we spent like two years like writing the script for like Count Cula and Frankenberry cuz they didn't want it to scare kids. 

Bitch: Right? So they're like, we need to do this. But so like, but they had like, they were like, okay, instead of saying Ivan the Suck your bread, they had Bei saying Ivan the eat your cereal. And that was really like this. So, and you know like he was high shit. Cause he was like all like super, like morph fanatic at this point. 

Bitch: So just imagine like this super high Bella Koi doing the voiceover for cereal for count chocolate. 

jerk: That's 

Bitch: welcome. 

jerk: Thank you. 

Bitch: Please someone have video of that and share it with me. All right, and so number eight, your final question. This count has bats named Beauregard, Liba, Yasha, Bruce, Cynthia Grisha, Matilda, Misha Sandor, Winnie May, Louisville Slugger, Luba, Sasha, Taana, Lewis, and Persephone is that Count, Ock count, foam count. 

Bitch: Count, CULA, or Count Jac. 

jerk: Count, bond count. 

Bitch: It is count foam count Fran Sesame Street. He also has a cat named Foxy Tata, I don't know if that's how you say her name, but a wolf named Yuba and an octopus named Octavia. 

jerk: I like the count. 

Bitch: I love the count. I love all, I love all of those counts. I'm like, what? I, I love count or luck. I love Count count. 

Bitch: I love Count Cula, I love Count Cula. I love all things. Yeah. 

jerk: yeah. 

Bitch: So 

jerk: You know. Yay. I did. 

Bitch: that was you. I didn't, 

jerk: I only kind of failed. 

Bitch: so I only sort of tortured you like, or, or 

jerk: Yeah. 

Bitch: daddy vamp. But it was, I hope it was an enjoy, I hope you liked it and wanna come back for more one day. 

jerk: I, I'm sure I will 

Bitch: Oh, because, oh my God, we were still in season six and there's, this may not be the last vampire, so, 

jerk: What? No. 

Bitch: so we're back to some of the things we're learning from our interrogation from Vamp Daddy. 

jerk: Yeah. And Vamp Daddy Alpha is telling them he is like, uh, yeah, because Dean's gonna try to flip the switch on him after Alpha's, like, uh, you are my child, so of course I fucking know you. So Dean's like, fuck as shit, because the Alpha asks if he enjoyed being a vampire, and then alpha's like, mm, yeah, you can't scare me and you can't hurt me. 

jerk: When the first man, first, when man first huddled around a fire, was the thing in the dark, is kind of like chilling. 

Bitch: So think so well. Are you thinking especially like creation stories? So this is what we're, we're building here, we're building creation story. So this is vampire. He not specifically vampires, it was specifically VA daddy 

jerk: Him. was there at the beginning of humankind. 

Bitch: watching. Like some guy like hit a woman with a stick. You know, 

jerk: Yeah. Cavemen dragon, you know, shit around. Yeah. So he's like, yeah, but, but like, like he literally, like, even he has a mother, but he laughs and he won't really, like, he won't ex expound upon that. 

Bitch: you don't tell us who his mommy is. No. 

jerk: Um-Mm. But he's like, dean's like, so, but they do kind of get him to start answering questions. They have kind of an exchange where like, hey, we'll ask answer and ask questions to each other. And dean's like, what's up with the vampire surge? Alpha's? Like, uh, obviously we're going to war. 

Bitch: We just like I do appre also the like, wait, this isn't just me, right? Like you're saying, there are a lot more advances, like you can confirm. Thank you. I was just kind of like, I'm not, I'm not making the shit up me. He's like, oh no, there are, 

jerk: Yeah. And then he is like, and then he is like, well, why did, why'd you Samuel bring you here? And he's like, but then he's, then he turns to Sam Alpha, turns his attention to Sam. He's like, Hmm, 

Bitch: Hmm. 

jerk: you have no soul. And asks what it's like to have no soul. And Sam doesn't wanna talk about it. 

Bitch: Yeah, he's super into this. He's just like, I'm not interested in you Dean anymore. Now I wanna investigate this thing, which I'll imagine 

jerk: Sam. 

Bitch: if you've been around for thousands of years, this is probably the first new thing you've encountered in a very long time. 

jerk: That's fascinating then. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, no. Um, he's like, the, so a soul is predictable when you die. You go up or down and that's it. What happens to your kind? Where do, where do we go are freaks like us and monsters and dean's? Smart ass answer is Lego land, because of course, so Dough Alpha milks them a little bit for their lack of, um, you know, Literature knowledge, but, and he's, and he's still using his long fingernail to slowly like scratch on this leather wristband, by the 

Bitch: Right 

jerk: which is really uncomfortable to watch. 

Bitch: It is, 

jerk: we, 

Bitch: but so he moves to, yeah. So, well the, the literature that he's referring to is Dante, and so this is, you know, referring to like within informative, like where things are going, et cetera. And we had brought up on our last, and we need to answer a question that was brought up in a previous episode, which was, was Dante hot? 

Bitch: And after having looked, I looked it up and I looked at bus and I would sad to say pass. 

jerk: pass. Sorry. That's disappointing. 

Bitch: I dunno. He honestly, you wrote, you wrote about all these lovers of hell. Yeah, I would still probably fuck Dante. I mean, you don't have to be, you know, like, uh, we can, we can work past the nose. We can, we can work past the nose anyways. Okay. So, but Perian is real you stupid cattle. And I do also like that he refers to them as cattle. 

Bitch: Like you just remind, like you're just food. To me it's all you've been for thousands of years, 

jerk: that's it. Yeah. basically what they're trying to, the whole, what we've, what we learn here that's critical is Alpha tells them that Samuel is trying to beat location out of purgatory, out of the Alpha Samuel is, has been, is trying to get the alpha to tell him where purgatory is. 

jerk: That's what he wants to know. That's what he is being tortured for. 

Bitch: but it's not Samuel that wants to know that. 

jerk: But he's just doing is he's told, so who the fuck is controlling Samuel is the question. 

Bitch: Well, no, they make 

jerk: as or as Dean puts it, it's way better 

Bitch: it's way, way, way better. We get another Muppet reference. 

jerk: We do if the old man is Kermit whose hand is up his ass. Um, and surprise Samuel Christian and Tyler appear with shotguns 

Bitch: Oh, fine. There, there, yeah. And what was also like, there's some ran with them too, right? 

jerk: that's just got that Tyler dude 

Bitch: Yeah. Okay. Whatever. I just have them as ran 

jerk: ran. 

Bitch: and they have a tiff. 

jerk: yeah, they have a tiff and we um, get our brothers, get disarmed and lecturing Samuel and how stupid he is by put for putting jaws in a fishbowl, which is valid. Um, and that whatever, you know, you're hiding, it's, you know, you're gonna put everyone around you in the ground and this is when Samuel and he's mad about that cuz the, the fact that what he's doing could like put people around him at risk does upset him. So Dean struck a nerve and then Gwen's there with a shotgun and everybody stops what they're fucking doing. 

Bitch: So again, I don't get it. I don't know. Where do we stand? I don't know. Do we? Because that's a bitch thing. She just did. Like, what the fuck? Gwen, like I thought you were cool. I thought you were cool. Gwen. 

jerk: I don't know what you're doing, Gwen. So we see that that Rando Tylers wandered off to go check out the alpha and wants to flip the switch. 

Bitch: He 

jerk: and 

Bitch: looks like he's about to pee himself a lot. 

jerk: he does, 

Bitch: like, 

jerk: he 

Bitch: yeah, like, and the alphas like taunting him. He was like, I'm not scared. 

jerk: Like, are you afraid of me? I would be. And he flips the switch and which jolts alpha enough to, uh, rip the rest of his restraints off, tear out of his cage. And um, yeah. It's gonna be bad news for Tyler. 

Bitch: He eats Tyler. Bye Tyler. 

jerk: Yep. 

Bitch: We hardly knew you. 

jerk: so, because they hear these yells Samuel tells the brothers they're allowed to grab their weapons again, that they just got stripped of. And they go into the cage area, Tyler's dead and the alpha's gone. And the big fancy, the big fancy blood pump with the Devil's Man. Dead. Devil Dead Man's blood is broken. So which means that they've got an hour or less until the Alphas back at full strength. Wmp. Wmp 

Bitch: What? Okay. 

jerk: Win stupid prizes, right? Isn't that 

Bitch: Sure, sure, whatever. I don't like any of this, but so Dean's just like, all right guys, we're not catching anybody. Like, we're fucking killing him. This is stupid. Whatever the fuck. Concentration camp, like torture shit, Guantanamo, whatever stops now. 

jerk: Mm-hmm. 

Bitch: We're just fucking taking, we're taking him out. 

jerk: And what if we survive it? We're having a fucking family meeting. 

Bitch: It's time for us to talk. 

jerk: And Christian is just wildly unimpressed with this whole thing. But anyways, so we got Samuel, Sam and Christian together and uh, Christian's pontificating of like if the alpha could have gotten out, but no, no, he's there and he rips his head off. 

Bitch: Oh no. 

jerk: Christian. Christian's 

Bitch: No, he doesn't rip his head off. He gets his neck snaps. The head was ripped off. That would make things difficult. So he gets his next snapp. 

jerk: Yeah, you're right, you're right. And it's next step. And Samuel shoots and uh, the alpha is talking to Sam though. He's like the boy with no soul. I've got plans for you. You'd be a perfect And then right when he's about to bite Sam, cuz he's gonna turn Sam a possessed Christian. 

jerk: Sorry. You're correct. cuz Christian's now a fucking demonn. Doses. The alpha doses, the alpha with the dead man's blood 

Bitch: What the, 

jerk: and there's three demons there. Wait, and they all disappear. Three demons show up. Christians a demonn, two other demons appear. They dose the alpha and all of them disappear. W F. 

Bitch: so here's the thing, all right? Would Christian not have a anti possession tattoo? 

jerk: And are they who requires them? 

Bitch: I mean, what do you mean who requires him? I mean like, oh fuck. Like you can put something on me that keeps me from getting possessed. Tattoo that shit right here. Like, you do that, 

jerk: he is a hunter. So you'd think he would. 

Bitch: so, or does that become invalid when you die? 

Bitch: I dunno. I, but so he did. 

jerk: He did. 

Bitch: He, he was a demon. 

jerk: possess. He's a demonn now we get a slow clap and they all, Sam, Dean, Gwen, and Samuel are all pretty confused at this point. 

Bitch: And here's my daddy. 

jerk: Crowley 

Bitch: Uh. 

jerk: What? And Samuel's very upset about Christian. 

Bitch: Yeah. Also, according to an interview with Guide Norman, be the director, uh, Mark Shepherd requested that he was not in the opening credits, so Crowley's appearance would be a surprise, which I think is awesome. I love you Mr. Shepherd. 

jerk: Yeah. So very upset, wants Christian back right away cuz know, it's his actual family. Uh, and Crowley's like, uh, sorry, 

Bitch: What, 

jerk: been for us for like a long time. 

Bitch: what? 

jerk: an, I keep an eye on my investments. What? Yeah. 

Bitch: And then, and then Sam says, Like, would it dawn at him? I just love it. Like I kind of love, like, I'm not gonna lie at this point, I just start falling in love with Sola Sam because he just stops pretending that he doesn't have a soul. And he just starts like he starts being real, right? And he is just like, oh shit, you're crazy, bitch. 

Bitch: And just like the things like I would say out loud. 

jerk: Yeah. Yeah. And they're like, but Sam Bernard are like, what the fuck is your angle? Crowley? Like, what the fuck? um, Crowley is his, his typical cheeky self and doesn't give them an answer really, other than to start saying that. Yeah, we, I know you're looking for purgatory. Location, location, location. Vast, underdeveloped, and hell adjacent. 

Bitch: Hmm. So he's gonna be an eve. What? Like corporate developers are from hell. What? No. Never. So, and, but also, guess what, Sam and Dean, you've been my employees for a while. Thank to your grandpa. 

jerk: Mm-hmm. 

Bitch: Also, 

jerk: not happy. 

Bitch: I got something of yours. Oh, what's that? What I got? 

jerk: Oh, he's got Sam Soul. 

Bitch: Oh. What? You don't have the power for that. You, 

jerk: Yeah. 

Bitch: you just 

jerk: not a punk ass. 

Bitch: go ahead, 

jerk: gonna both say the same quote, 

Bitch: say the line. 

Bitch: It's just like, you're not a, I'm not a punk ass crossroad, Steven. 

jerk: punk ass, crossroads Demonn. 

Bitch: Punk ass. Like, oh, oh. 

jerk: I'm the king of hell. 

Bitch: Well, I am the king of motherfucking hell. And we almost had a bunch of lore on Kings of hell this week. The god damn, there's a lot of, Lord, I've got a little shit going on. So, uh, someday we'll talk about kings of Hell, but he's a goddamn king of hell. Ooh. So now Daddy got money, more money than he Sundays a crossroad, Steven. 

Bitch: He's a king. Ooh, 

jerk: He's got the mojo. He is, uh, can snap his fingers and, uh, could shove him, shove Sam back in the hole. 

Bitch: So he is like, I'm Charlie, you angels get it. And there's a very cute photograph of of the director of, of guy B, or guy nor B of him. Like he's in a, he's got a Ghostbuster shirt on and him and like, uh, Jared and Jensen are like flanking him and they're doing the Charlie's Angels post. 

jerk: He's like, yeah, me, Charlie, you angels bring me creatures higher on the food chain better. And he leaves, he his fucking leaves. Hmm. So Samuel's like, all right, I guess we're gonna go get lava. But Gwe is pissed. like a demons calling the shots. This is bullshit. And, uh, Sam's like, and Sam's. Yeah. And, and Sam was also Sam's on the same train as Gwen. She's like, what the f? He's like w t F working for a demonn. And he, so Dean wants to know though, what was so important that you're king of Hell's Cabana? Boy, girls, money, hair. Eh, it's funny. Yeah. Samuel's like, just Samuel won't say, he's like, I've got my reasons. And just, you know, you need to make a move. We're family, but I'll, you know, you need to pull a bullet in me or step aside, if you're not gonna help, is basically what Samuel tells Dean. 

Bitch: And then Sam just pulls out his 

jerk: Yeah. Sam's gonna do it. Sam's gonna do it. He's like, Sam's like, okay, okay, 

Bitch: just 

jerk: got you. 

Bitch: shoot you. And this is what I love, Sam. Cause he's just like, 

jerk: sold us out. He sold me. He sold us out. 

Bitch: fuck this dude. Like, and just that simp 

jerk: Oh. 

Bitch: that simplicity between what's right and what's wrong. And Jess was just like, yeah, fuck it. I'll kill you. 

jerk: Yeah. 

Bitch: love it. 

jerk: So, and then, uh, but, but Dean's like, no, no, let him go. need to play ball with Crowley until we figure things out, and then we can go after Crowley. let Samuel go 

Bitch: Get the Vann. 

Bitch: So Samuel goes 

jerk: Yeah. 

Bitch: and I have this quote and I'm not sure which, if it goes with Bella before or the after. So I'm just gonna put this quote that says, demons Bowen you every time. And Diana can tell me where it goes. 

jerk: Oh, I don't remember exactly, 

Bitch: Oh, you don't have, you did not re, you did not write that line down. Goddammit. It's such a good line. Demon bone you every time like I feel like it should be a bumper sticker and you can take it either way, right? Cause it's double ent cuz you kinda didn't want demons to bone you and, oh wait, that's just me. 

Bitch: Okay. Anyway, so. 

jerk: And they And they, yeah. And they decide. They just, they gotta go along with the plan. They gotta fucking work for Crowley to get Sam Soul back 

Bitch: Get boned, um, until they find another way. And, and then we can track Crowley down and give that son of a bitch what's coming to him? Dad, never. You Dean, 

jerk: some bitch. 

Bitch: you son bitch. But is the way he ends it, right? It's just like you wi me. He's so earnest. 

jerk: Go team. 

Bitch: Kinda love him. 

jerk: Go team. 

Bitch: Do we have casting couch this week? 

jerk: Nope. 

Bitch: Okay, then we can, I think we can just go cuz that's how it ends. 

Bitch: That's how it. 

jerk: how it ends. Yeah, I mean, we got some good development. We got some good info on these characters and uh, yeah, we go. 

Bitch: So, I mean, 

jerk: out what's happening next. Now we gotta find out what's happening next. 

Bitch: okay. 

jerk: fuck is Samuel really up to? Why is he doing this? Number one has not been answered. 

jerk: I don't know if we're gonna get that answer, but then, but more importantly, we know that Crowley has been sneaking around behind and has Sam's soul, and so knew all this was going on all 

Bitch: Yeah. So you got a lot of reveals this, this episode being the first time watching through. So I guess some things, okay, so I guess you thought that you, a, you knew Samuel was bad, right? That's not new. 

jerk: trust, I didn't trust Samuel for sure, did 

Bitch: Okay. 

jerk: Samuel. 

Bitch: All right. So, and I guess also the, well, actually we can start from the beginning because Sam doesn't have a soul. 

Bitch: Is that what you thought was wrong with Sam? 

jerk: I will, well I will say I tried to ignore it, but I'd heard illusions to there being a soce section of the series with Sam. And since there was something off about him, I'd kind of wondered if that's what this was. 

Bitch: So you kinda had suspicions, but you're just like, okay, that could be okay. So that was real. 

jerk: things still. So that was a big reveal. And then, um, so I, we had also seen a hint that the were catching alphas cuz we saw that with the gin. so I was like, oh shit, they're trapping the, the big dogs and they're gonna, I figured they're doing some crazy experiments on them or something. I didn't think they were doing the, 

Bitch: Yeah. It does feel like very ex. I like, I even like, no way. Like it still feels very experimenting, right? Like if you take something and you're like putting it in a van, I'm feeling very like, uh, the Adam season of Buffy where they were capturing the hostels and like putting them 

jerk: No. 

Bitch: in the ground and testing on them. 

Bitch: Right. So I feel kind of that, but okay, so we got that. We had grandpa and then. grandpa working for my daddy. Crowley like, did you see that? 

jerk: at Crowley. I mean, I know Crowley's a demonn, but somebody be mad at him. 

Bitch: Why are you mad at him? What's he doing? He's just doing his job. He's just being Crowley. 

jerk: But he, but he could have told But he's had issues with the brothers before and they were supposed to, he was supposed to leave him alone. 

Bitch: I mean, they haven't really like run into each other, 

jerk: Not, not since they burned his, or almost burned his bones. 

Bitch: right? So I mean, that was the last time they saw them. So I mean like, it wasn't like he was withholding things. He just hadn't seen him. I don't, I don't blame Crowley at all. It's Samuel though. He's a shitbag, but he is working for something. We don't know what he is working for, but it must be something very important. 

jerk: wants something, he wants something, he wants something bad enough that maybe that it had something to do with him coming out of heaven for it supposedly. 

Bitch: So, oh, that's also interesting. Um, another thing, another fact that, that he was in heaven. So that also happened. 

jerk: Well, we, we knew that, well, they had said that before, that they had pulled him from above and, and, and Sam from below, but maybe he wasn't, 

Bitch: Oh no. Everything is weird. Oh no, it's upside down. It's been backwards, man. Land. Uh, 

jerk: I don't know. Dunno. But I'm glad that, we've got someone with some instinct leading the way now cuz that was concerning 

Bitch: wait, who's this someone with instinct 

jerk: Dean compared to Sam. 

Bitch: I was like, what? I was like, who's leading? But like, what are they leading? Like are they like, cause Sam's just been kind of going along with shit. He hasn't been leading 

jerk: Right. 

Bitch: just been following Samuel. 

jerk: that's true. Yeah. But so now he's just gonna keep following, but he's gonna follow Dina 

Bitch: But now Dean is Cro always bitch. It was really what this count down to. And no, and knowingly, right before, like, you know, they may have captured some things like inadvertently, but now he is directly Crowley's bitch. 

jerk: Valid. Yeah. 

Bitch: So, uh, but so do you think this episode was a bummer? 

jerk: I didn't think it was a bummer. I thought it was interesting cuz I think you were Well, a, I like, I like alpha vamp too. Um, 

Bitch: I do. I like him. I love him. 

jerk: is such a good actor and he's just a good character. I really like it. Um, I think that was cool. And then, uh, I think finally getting the reveal of figuring out what the fuck was going on with Sam and getting the Samuel like some, we still don't know all of it, but we know kind of what's going on was a 

Bitch: Sort of 

jerk: relief 

Bitch: like, I still don't understand why, I mean, I guess like, why Samuel? 

jerk: No, we don't know any of that. We don't know why Samuel, we don't know 

Bitch: you know, like, 

jerk: We just know 

Bitch: like, no, why did Crow, like if it was Crowley, who like, 

jerk: Pulled him. 

Bitch: Who? Why? Samuel, like why was this the hunter that you picked? Was it because he was related? Like, so he decided like, cuz we know, like so far we know, but he's going after these things, right? And we know he's the king of hell and he has pulled Sam and Samuel. 

Bitch: Was it just for alliteration? Like what? Like symmetry. Like I, why those two? Why not like other hunters who may have been like better hunters in the world. I don't know. It's a weird, it's a weird choice. I think Crowley has a boner for the Winchesters. That's, I'm just putting that out there. Okay. So Crowley has a boner for the Winchesters. 

Bitch: His word lid stands on this episode. But not a bummer. 

jerk: No. 

Bitch: It just, but it's not a happy one, but it's not a bummer. 

jerk: Not a bummer. Not a bummer. 

Bitch: All right. So on. Not a bummer. We'll end this. Chair, jerk. 

jerk: Cheers, bitch.




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