Can loneliness provide fuel for your creativity?

It can, and that’s what I discuss in this podcast episode. I share with you how I learned to convert my persistent loneliness into fuel for creative growth and expression.

Along the way, we touch on learning to be grounded, how play supports that practice, and how it all ties into the idea of leaning into loneliness instead of resisting it so that we can be more creative.

Takeaways

• Loneliness is a universal emotion that many people experience to varying degrees.
• Instead of running from loneliness, it can be embraced and used as fuel for creativity.
• Grounding, being present, accepting current circumstances, and looking within for direction are practices that can enhance creativity.
• Play is essential in the creative process, allowing for exploring personal interests and joy.

Are you on a journey of creative growth? I urge you to join me here as I share what I have learned so that it may serve you:

https://hypermemoir.beehiiv.com/subscribe

I've spent a lot of my life feeling lonely or feeling that sense of disconnection, of separation, that somehow I'm apart from everybody, that nobody could understand my experience, that in essence, I was alone. So I would spend a lot of time feeling that way. And over time, I learned that I'm not the only one who feels that way, that a lot of people have this sense of loneliness, that somehow they're alone or separate. And I think it's a challenge that a lot of people face.

especially in the modern world. And there's a lot of observers who actually say that loneliness is the most fundamental and well understood and universal of human emotions. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Everybody feels it to varying degrees, just by virtue of being human. We go through a lot of stuff alone and we all feel loneliness to some degree. And we often try to run from it. I know that I have, I know that a lot of people do. We don't want to feel that loneliness. And...

For reasons that I'll explain in a moment, I tend to feel that really acutely, maybe not more acutely than others, but in a way that to me just feels like something I do not want to confront as a general thing. But I started thinking recently, and this has actually been happening over the last few months, what if instead of trying to run from the feeling of loneliness, we enlisted it to the creative cause? What if we used loneliness as fuel and turned it into a form of strength? What if we did that?

Would we become more powerful and authentic creators? My answer at this point is yes. Yes, if we do embrace loneliness, if we do accept that that is a part of our fate as humans, then loneliness can be turned from something that we avoid into something that we embrace and use as power. So I'll share with you my recent experience of this. I'll share with you what I've learned relatively recently.

but it's been really powerful for me, so I wanted to pass it on. And I wanted to talk about how this involves the practice of grounding. I'll explain what I mean by that. And I don't think any of us can ever cure loneliness. I don't actually believe that I'll ever cure the feeling of loneliness that comes up in me sometimes. But I do think I can turn it into something more powerful, something that fuels creativity. And that's what I'll explain today. My name is Chris Waldheims.

This is the HyperMemoir podcast where I'm talking generally about creativity and over time I'm trying to go deeper and deeper. And as I explore my own creativity, I'm sharing with you the observations and practices and lessons that I'm learning. So what you're hearing right now is actually my learning. I'm not an expert on anything other than my own experience. And my hope is that by sharing this stuff with you, I can spur something in you. I hope, we'll see.

Um, I also share a lot of my own story because I do believe that all we can talk about things in a vacuum, we can talk about things theoretically. There's a lot more residents and a lot more meaning if we can share our own perspective and our own story. And that's what I'm trying to do here. And that's what I am doing here and have been. So if you've been listening, you've heard a lot about, uh, my own life and background, which I feel like has been instructive to the exploration of creativity and how we can all.

enhance our creativity, how we can all engage more with our creative selves and be more authentic and true in a way that has meaning. So if this is something that's useful to you, by the way, I'd really appreciate it if you left me a review or rating or whatever. If you have a few seconds, that would be cool. I also have a newsletter which is linked to in the show notes. So if you go in the show description, you can see a newsletter. I give more context and it's a great way for us to stay in touch and you can drop me a line.

So yeah, if that's something that you're into, let's do that. But let's get into the topic of today. So today's episode is about loneliness, grounding, and creativity. And I'll explain all of those concepts and what I mean and how I got here and why I'm even talking about all of this stuff with you today. So as I said in the introduction, I feel lonely a lot. And I can explain to you right now, like the events in my life that made me feel that way. I've always hated feeling lonely. I've spent a lot of my life.

trying to run from that feeling. I just didn't want to feel it. And whenever I would feel it, I'm like, okay, what can I do to run away from it? What can I do to change that? And because it brings back old and kind of terrible memories. So I've shared with you in the past that I've spent a lot of my early years living in a foster home among strangers. And so since most of you have never had that experience, I'll tell you that the core emotions that I associate with that experience.

our loneliness and alienation. I remember, you know, even as I'm talking about it now, I can feel it. I can feel it physically. I can feel that feeling that began in my early years. And this is when you're living in a foster home among strangers. You're not with your parents. You're not with anybody who has your back. And I remember this is kind of where I feel the alienation the most is when, you know, foster, not foster, but a...

social worker would come and visit. And, you I really had an attachment to this person. I felt like that was someone who was looking out for me, but I would remember sitting there in the foster home, watching them drive away. And that's when I would feel like, okay, I'm alone in this world. And that's the feeling that I've always tried to get away from. And because I was always feeling like, is there nobody who can care for me? Is there nobody who, am I left to the wolves? So that's how I felt. I felt like I was really left to the wolves. I felt alone. I didn't feel like I had anybody who had my back.

So that's one of those things where I think when we talk about feelings from childhood, again, no expert, but I do know that a lot of that can carry into adulthood. So if I'm looking at myself as the principal example of what I'm talking about, that's where it came from for me. And I think for a lot of people, there's different scenarios and different experiences that you might've had in childhood or in adulthood or whatever that made you feel alienated and separated. I'm sure there's none of you actually listening right now who can't relate at least to the feeling. Maybe not the experience I'm talking about.

but all of you can relate to the feeling whether or not you acknowledge that it's all true. So yeah, so I felt this feeling in foster care. This is when I was like six, seven years old when I was really going through it the most. And as I grew up, I'd do whatever I could to get away from the feeling. I didn't want to be left alone again. I didn't want to be in a place where nobody understood me or had my back. So it turned into behaviors. And in my case, it often meant seeking approval from others instead of looking within for my own.

It meant giving energy to people and relationships that didn't serve me. It meant putting my needs second to those of people around me. And as I've gotten older, I've been able to shift those behaviors, but it's taken work and it's something I've had to fight against. It's something I've had to be very intentional about shifting. So a lot of my, you know, as I'm learning that, as I'm learning that even to this day, a lot of my emotional experience became an oscillation between fierce independence.

where I felt like, okay, if I'm alone, I can do what I wanna do and do it in a way that almost was aggressive. And again, whatever, that's just my style sometimes. So it oscillates between that and then seeking approval and care from people who honestly were never able to give it. So kind of this oscillation emotionally. But what I've been learning lately, and here's where we get into how I think my experience can be helpful to you listening, is...

that the more I've leaned into the feeling of loneliness, the more I've accepted the feeling of loneliness, the more that I've been able to find grounding. And it's the more I've been able to find grounding, the more I've been able to be creative, the more I've been able to find authentic creativity. And I'll explain to you what I mean by each of those terms. So what I mean by finding grounding is this.

It means leaning into the present moment, being present, being really here, not being distracted, not being drawn in a bunch of different directions, but being right here. So as I'm speaking to you, all my presence is with you. I'm not thinking about groceries. I'm not thinking about what I'm going to do later. I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about me. I'm thinking about what I'm saying into this microphone and being present. I'm accepting current conditions. So again, grounding is about accepting the current circumstances and looking within.

for direction rather than looking for what other people think. So as I'm thinking about my circumstances, instead of trying to deny it or get away from it or be like, I wish things were different, why can't things be different? Be like, this is the way things are and I'm gonna work from that point. I'm gonna become grounded and I'm gonna move from where I'm at. So it's kind of like, I think it's the first line of the Yoga Sutra, someone will correct me on this, but it's the idea of Yogastha Kuru Karmani.

which maybe I butchered that, but the idea is clear. Establish yourself in the present moment and then act. And to me, that summarizes the meaning of groundings. Establish yourself in the present moment and then act. So that's what I mean by grounding. So instead of looking for what other people want or looking for what the expectations are of me, I'm looking at inside, taking a moment of silence and being like, what do I want? What do I want to do? What am I trying to create?

That's what I mean by grounding. And so it starts there. And I think that when loneliness, when we look at loneliness not as something to fear, but as something to accept, it can become powerful. I wish there was a different word for it. So I wish there was a word for the moment when you feel that feeling of loneliness. Like I'm alone. I'm.

I'm different, nobody understands my experience. When you convert that into, okay, I'm by myself and everybody has that experience and this is a feeling I'm going to have and this is an experience I'm going to have as a human being existing in the world where I can never fully express myself in the exact way that I want to. Maybe I can get close, but I'm never gonna be able to fully express myself if I accept that.

It actually turns into something different. And I don't know if the answer, I don't know if the word is self -assuredness or something else. I don't really know what those words are, but it's something different. I mean, I feel like loneliness has a negative cast, which of course I think it does. But what I'm talking about is looking at it from a different angle so that it isn't negative. And the more that I accept that condition of loneliness, the more that I'm like, okay, this is something not to be feared, but something to be.

cherished and honored and respected, then I'm able to access more internal creativity. I'm able to bring more of my creative voice to the surface and bring it unfiltered to you or to the world, unfiltered by expectations of other people that other people have put on me. So as I access more of that loneliness, I access more creativity because I realize that the expectations that are put on me aren't mine.

I don't have to live up to anybody else's expectations. If I'm already feeling lonely, what do I have to lose then by being exactly who I want to be? Because if we're trying to please other people, if we're doing things to get approval or do whatever it takes to meet someone's expectations, we're not actually living true to ourselves. We're not actually creating from a place of honesty and authenticity, which is what I'm trying to get to. And maybe you are too, if you're listening to this and...

It's a countervailing force. So having that self -assuredness, accepting loneliness means that the things that I've talked about before, things like perfectionism, things like comparison, things like fear of judgment or putting other people's needs before you, all of those things become weak. Those are killers of creativity.

And we hobble them when we look within and realize that when it comes to creativity, we don't need anybody else to sign off. We can just be creative because we want to by our own right. And creativity comes from the earth. It's not something that another person should be filtering for us, although we do allow that, don't we? So the thing that I've found with all this is I'm talking about this and I'm telling you all this and I believe all this, but it's a practice. So getting grounded.

getting to that point where it's your own energy that's driving you and not some external force that's driving you is a practice. Every day I have to remind myself that I need to become grounded. I I use meditation and breath work and other different techniques so that I can come back into my own energy before I do anything else. So before I post on social media, before I go to work, before I even try to be with my family, I try to meditate, I try to do breath work so that I'm coming back to you, okay, what is it that I want?

So I'm not feeling pulled in every single direction. And typically what I want are things that are going to ultimately serve other people. I'm just want to do it in my own way and with my own expression, instead of just reacting to things, I'm looking for a way to get grounded so that I can work from within, work from my own motivation instead of the motivations and demands of others. It can be hard. It's not always perfect. Sometimes it doesn't always work out. That's why it's a practice and you have to give yourself.

patience in getting to this. And for me, the other thing that's actually helped me a lot, I talked about this a couple of weeks ago, is the practice of play. So for me, there was a moment where I felt like I wasn't actually doing enough play. I wasn't doing enough stuff strictly for the joy of it. I was doing a lot of stuff for a goal. And again, those are worthy goals that I set myself. So building a good business, building a good family, those are all things that I set for myself. But as I do those things,

The reward is sometime in the future. So for me, that meant coming back to play. Play being the reward is in the actual doing of the thing and I don't have any expectations beyond it. So for me, that's been DJing. I think I explained to you all a few weeks ago that I got back into DJing and I do DJing not to build any kind of career with it, not to impress anybody. I don't really care what anybody thinks. I don't care if anyone listens to what I DJ. I don't care if anyone likes what I DJ. It's not part of my calculation.

What is part of my calculation is how do I feel doing it? And the answer is I feel great. So if that's all that I get out of DJing ever, great. I'm going to keep doing it. I'm never going to stop because it really brings a lot of joy into my life. And it does make me feel grounded because I'm taking time away from other things and saying, Hey, I want to actually take time for myself and do something I'm going to enjoy. And for you, that could be anything. It could be surfing. It could be playing baseball. It could be eating out. I don't know. I mean, you have.

you know, a whole wide range of things. For me, it just happened to be DJing. That's something where I felt like I could bring my creative expression into the world without worrying about what other people think or do or having any external goal even. That's the, I think the key, what makes it play for me. I've also been reading this really good book called The Practice of Groundedness by Brad Stolberg. And he talks a lot about what I'm talking about. So he talks about acceptance and having patience and being present and doing all these things as a practice.

not as like a one time, okay, yes, I realize this, but actually a daily thing that you do to get grounded. And what I've added to that, so I read that book and then what I added to it is the idea of converting that feeling of loneliness that one would try to escape from into a source of groundedness, taking loneliness and not letting it be a source of fear or something to be feared, but instead have loneliness be something that I...

pull in. So feeling like, okay, I'm by myself. I'm alone at times. I'm here by myself, but I can actually accept that and realize I don't need to shift who I am. I don't need to change anything about myself in order to connect with other people. And I think that's the key to it. So I've added that. And I've found that the more that I've been able to lean into loneliness and kind of get grounded in my own energy,

the deeper I actually end up connecting with people. And here's how that works. It's because as I'm showing up as my genuine self, as I'm doing the things that I wanna do or saying things the way that I wanna say or talking about the things that I wanna talk about, I end up connecting with people who like what I'm doing. I end up connecting with people who like what I'm offering. They show up, they connect with me and I'm always really pleased. And I never know who that's gonna be. I can never calculate it. I'm just like, I'm gonna do what I wanna do and see who likes it.

why did I get into playing the flute? Like, why did I go from rapping to playing the flute? And his answer was pretty simple. He's like, I just wanted to try it. I just wanted to do it. And for me, I could hear what he was saying. And the music actually supported that because he was really saying that he's doing it simply because he wanted to, not because of someone else's expectations of who he should be or what kind of music he should make or anything like that.

He just wanted to see what happens. And that's what I'm talking about. That same kind of energy, that same kind of groundedness that would lead him to do something like that, which looks like a major shift, but turns out to be well received. Maybe it's not well received by the people who like Outkast or whatever. Maybe some people think he lost his mind, but based on what I saw at that concert, there were enough people who liked what he was doing to fill a pretty large size room. And you know, the tickets weren't cheap. And so people really liked it.

You know, and I think people got a lot out of it and I think people are getting a lot out of it. So my point is you can always do what you want to do just for trying it. You never know what's going to happen. And I think, um, even if it became, you know, I think for him, my sense was even if it didn't pan out, even if it didn't turn into anything that anybody else enjoyed, he was liking it. He enjoyed it. He liked the way it felt. And so that was all that mattered. And that's kind of bringing that whole element of play back into the equation. So.

That's what I have to say about all this. So kind of to summarize what I just said, really, I've been seeing how leaning into the feeling of loneliness has been a way for me to then connect more deeply with grounding. And as I've become more grounded, as I've initiated that practice and continued with that practice of being grounded, I've seen that I've been able to be more creative. I've been able to be not necessarily more creative, but more authentically.

I feel like I've been able to create things that align with myself. Again, maybe not everybody likes it and maybe there's people who will never like it. But my point is I don't have to seek their approval. I don't have to shift anything to get it. So that's what I'm talking about today. And I hope that helps you. If you're listening still, awesome. I really appreciate you, seriously. Because I'm doing this podcast because I like it. I'm doing this podcast.

whether or not people listen, but if people do listen, to me that's a bonus. And I really appreciate anybody who's willing to go deep with me on these topics. I appreciate anyone who's willing to give their time and attention to me for 20 minutes. I know you could be listening to anything. So I really appreciate that. And yeah, and I appreciate that every time, but I wanted to say that. Yeah. And I think with the podcast, by the way, I've kind of slowed down the pace. I've had a lot of things that I'm doing.

planning to be consistent. I'm not going to quit doing it. I might be doing it every two weeks or so instead of every week because just like I said, there's a lot going on. I'll actually explain more of that in a future episode. But if you want to stay in touch with me, if you want to get more context, I'm actually going to send a newsletter out with this podcast or I have, which you can actually find archived online. So even if you didn't get it, you can still go online and get it. So all you need to do is go to the link that's in the show notes at the bottom of the show notes.

There's a link to subscribe to the newsletter or read old editions of the newsletter. For this one, I'm going to include some quotes from books that I've been reading about this topic to kind of show like where the philosophical basis for what I'm talking about here in this episode comes from. So yeah, check it out. If that sounds interesting, if that sounds like it'd be helpful, check it out. But otherwise, I'm Chris Waldheims. This was the HyperMemoir podcast. And thank you again for listening. I'll see you next.