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Billions & Burgers - July 26th, 2021
Episode 1826th July 2021 • This Week is Dumb • Garrett and Yury
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This week Garrett and Yury discuss a bank error in someone's favor (it's like real life monopoly), the best and worst burger joints in town and a new type of cocaine for all the vegans out there. Stick around to the end where you will learn how to tell the world's best knock knock joke!

Call the FAN-DUMB line (888) FAN-DUMB and connect with us on all the social media platforms @ThisWeekIsDumb

Transcripts

Voice Over:

It's time for the

Voice Over:

this week is dumb podcast.

Voice Over:

A chance for you to

Voice Over:

disconnect from reality

Voice Over:

for a bit and hear about

Voice Over:

some of the dumb things

Voice Over:

that we found this week.

Voice Over:

Now, here are your

Voice Over:

hosts, Garrett and Yury

Garrett:

Hi everybody.

Garrett:

Welcome into

Garrett:

episode number 18.

Garrett:

God, I think it's

Garrett:

episode number 18.

Garrett:

I'll have to double check that

Garrett:

maybe it's not episode 18.

Garrett:

So I dunno.

Garrett:

I think it's

Garrett:

episode number 18,

Yury:

Also known as

Yury:

season two episode two,

Garrett:

Season

Garrett:

two episode two.

Garrett:

Yeah, absolutely.

Garrett:

It's coming

Garrett:

. Yury: The return

Garrett:

of the Jedi's.

Garrett:

I don't know.

Garrett:

Did you become

Garrett:

a Jedi overnight?

Yury:

I don't even

Yury:

know what a Jedi is.

Yury:

I'm not a star wars fan.

Garrett:

Oh my God, dude.

Yury:

Have you ever

Yury:

eaten at Five Guys?

Garrett:

Oh God,

Garrett:

I love Five Guys.

Garrett:

Haven't been there

Garrett:

in a while though.

Yury:

Okay.

Yury:

First of all, we can't

Yury:

be friends because their

Yury:

food is disgusting.

Garrett:

Their

Garrett:

fries are delicious.

Yury:

It's been years since

Yury:

I've gone to Five Guys and

Yury:

we went to lunch and we

Yury:

couldn't decide where to go.

Yury:

And it was one of those

Yury:

things where he went to like

Yury:

a strip mall and there's

Yury:

like three different places.

Yury:

There's like a Chipotle,

Yury:

Five Guys, and then

Yury:

some other place.

Yury:

So I said, you know, I haven't

Yury:

been Five Guys in a while.

Yury:

Uh, I'm gonna try Five Guys.

Garrett:

Okay.

Yury:

Go up to the counter

Yury:

order, just a plain

Yury:

cheeseburger, plain, just

Yury:

a regular cheeseburger.

Yury:

We're not talking

Yury:

like, well, hold on.

Yury:

We're not talking like

Yury:

bacon or like adding onion

Yury:

rings or whatever, fancy

Yury:

things that they have.

Yury:

Burgers, uh, just a

Yury:

plain cheeseburger.

Garrett:

Okay.

Yury:

An order of

Yury:

fries and a drink.

Garrett:

Were they Cajun

Garrett:

fries or regular fries?

Yury:

Regular fries.

Yury:

I wasn't even aware that

Yury:

they had cajun option.

Garrett:

Oh, they're delicious

Yury:

So burger, excuse

Yury:

me, cheeseburger, regular

Yury:

fries, soft drink.

Yury:

Which in any normal

Yury:

establishment would

Yury:

be considered some

Yury:

type of a combo meal.

Garrett:

Okay.

Garrett:

That's fair.

Yury:

Five Guys does

Yury:

not do combo meals.

Garrett:

Yep.

Yury:

Unless I'm just in,

Yury:

unless I'm an idiot and I

Yury:

just didn't see the numbers.

Garrett:

You're not an idiot.

Garrett:

You have to buy

Garrett:

everything separate.

Garrett:

That's the way they do it.

Yury:

Cheeseburger fries

Yury:

drink I'm at the counter.

Yury:

There's people behind me.

Yury:

The guy gives me the total.

Yury:

It's like $19.74 or something.

Yury:

And I thought I misheard

Yury:

him and I said, I'm

Yury:

sorry, what was it?

Yury:

He said, "$19.74".

Yury:

I already had my

Yury:

credit card in my hand.

Yury:

And at that point you're

Yury:

kind of committed, like

Yury:

Yeah, you're committed.

Yury:

You're not going to like

Yury:

back out of it at that point.

Yury:

And I remember

Yury:

I swipe my card.

Yury:

I'm like kind of dazed

Yury:

like somebody punched

Yury:

me in the head and.

Yury:

I remember he asked

Yury:

me, he said, do you

Yury:

want your receipt?

Yury:

I said, oh fucking 100%.

Yury:

I want my receipt,

Yury:

cause clearly an

Yury:

error has been made.

Yury:

So he hands me the receipt

Yury:

and I'm reviewing it like

Yury:

the FBI reviews documents.

Yury:

Uh, I'm looking at the

Yury:

paperwork and by paperwork,

Yury:

I just mean receipt

Garrett:

The

Garrett:

receipt, yeah got it.

Yury:

And uh, I

Yury:

found an error.

Yury:

Do you know what

Yury:

the error was?

Yury:

I chose to eat at

Yury:

Five Guys that day.

Garrett:

I was going

Garrett:

to say, Hey, you chose

Garrett:

to eat there at all.

Garrett:

So yeah.

Yury:

$19 for burger

Yury:

fries and a drink.

Garrett:

So was

Garrett:

it at least good?

Yury:

No, it was terrible.

Yury:

It was terrible.

Yury:

It was disgusting.

Garrett:

Couple of

Garrett:

problems with the way

Garrett:

you ordered your food.

Garrett:

First of all, you ordered

Garrett:

a plain cheeseburger.

Garrett:

That's what my

Garrett:

nine-year-old son orders.

Garrett:

And you know that and

Garrett:

my 18 year old daughter

Garrett:

they order the same food.

Garrett:

They just give me a meat

Garrett:

and cheese and button.

Garrett:

Like, that's all they want.

Garrett:

Well, you can

Garrett:

make that at home.

Garrett:

Dude.

Garrett:

Why would you even

Garrett:

bother to order that?

Garrett:

If you go to a place like Five

Garrett:

Guys or In and Out, you kind

Garrett:

of get all the crap on there.

Garrett:

Dude, like Five Guys has

Garrett:

that list of like 4,000

Garrett:

things you can put on by the

Garrett:

way at no additional cost.

Garrett:

And then it makes it

Garrett:

worth paying $7 for a

Garrett:

burger cause you get.

Yury:

No, no, there was no

Yury:

burger on the menu for $7.

Yury:

They started at $10 started

Yury:

and the fries were $6.

Yury:

And the drink was like $15.

Yury:

I don't remember how much

Yury:

exactly the drink was.

Garrett:

What Five

Garrett:

Guys were you at?

Garrett:

Were you at like

Garrett:

Disneyland or something?

Yury:

I don't know.

Yury:

It was an expensive

Yury:

experience at best.

Garrett:

Uh, but it was

Garrett:

an experience though.

Garrett:

Wasn't it?

Yury:

I mean, I suppose

Yury:

for two $19 for a

Yury:

goddamn cheeseburger,

Garrett:

You don't like

Garrett:

Five Guys, next you're

Garrett:

going to tell me you

Garrett:

don't likeIn and Out?

Yury:

Well, first of all,

Yury:

who doesn't like In and Out?

Garrett:

Okay.

Garrett:

Thank you.

Yury:

And also I recently

Yury:

had lunch at In and Out.

Yury:

Burger fries drink $7.

Garrett:

Totally, 100%.

Garrett:

There's literally an

Garrett:

In and Out around the

Garrett:

corner from my house.

Garrett:

And it's one of the cheapest

Garrett:

places that I can go and

Garrett:

it's got such good food.

Garrett:

The problem is when

Garrett:

I go there, I don't

Garrett:

just eat the burger.

Garrett:

I can get like a

Garrett:

three by three.

Garrett:

Protein style.

Garrett:

So it's lettuce wrapped, but

Garrett:

then I get it animal style.

Garrett:

So it's got all the

Garrett:

grilled onions and

Garrett:

all the sauces on it.

Garrett:

And lots of pickles.

Garrett:

Dude, I'm so hungry, my

Garrett:

mouth is watering right now.

Garrett:

I'm going to have to pause

Garrett:

the podcast for a minute

Garrett:

and get some In and Out!

Yury:

First of all, everything

Yury:

you just explained, it's like

Yury:

ordering a salad, but putting

Yury:

nine pounds of cheese and like

Yury:

ranch on it, Do you order, a

Yury:

small diet Coke with that too?

Garrett:

I don't understand

Garrett:

what the problem is.

Garrett:

That's exactly what it is.

Garrett:

And it's not a small, it's

Garrett:

not a small Diet Coke.

Garrett:

It's the large Diet Coke.

Yury:

If you're going to

Yury:

go that far, why are we

Yury:

getting it, protein style?

Yury:

Why are we not just

Yury:

eating the bread?

Yury:

Is the bread.

Yury:

What pushes it over?

Garrett:

That is exactly

Garrett:

what pushes over my, my

Garrett:

carb limit for the day, man,

Garrett:

all the rest of that stuff.

Garrett:

I'm good.

Garrett:

But man, you put

Garrett:

that bread on there.

Garrett:

No dude, if you've never tried

Garrett:

it protein style, don't knock

Garrett:

it because I'm going to tell

Garrett:

you right now, I don't even

Garrett:

feel like I'm missing the.

Garrett:

The only time I missed

Garrett:

the bun is if I'm drunk.

Yury:

I would never even

Yury:

think about removing the

Yury:

bun from the equation.

Garrett:

You know, it's been,

Garrett:

uh, uh, well, it's been what,

Garrett:

two weeks, I think since

Garrett:

we've, since we chatted, since

Garrett:

we had an episode come out

Yury:

Two weeks.

Garrett:

And it's been a long

Garrett:

two weeks, like, have you

Garrett:

noticed it's been a long two

Garrett:

weeks or maybe it's just me.

Garrett:

I just feel like the

Garrett:

world's kind of gone to

Garrett:

shit in the last two weeks.

Garrett:

I was, uh, I was reading

Garrett:

through the Interwebs and I,

Garrett:

I stumbled upon an article

Garrett:

from Kansas city, Missouri.

Garrett:

If you have, a massive

Garrett:

sinkhole that opened up in

Garrett:

front of your house, right.

Garrett:

Just, you know, the

Garrett:

street opens up.

Garrett:

It sucks the life out

Garrett:

of everything around

Garrett:

it, cars falling in it.

Garrett:

Just a big sinkhole.

Garrett:

Yeah.

Garrett:

What would you do

Garrett:

to get that fixed?

Yury:

Go to home Depot.

Garrett:

This guy reached out

Garrett:

to the city and said, Hey,

Garrett:

sinkhole in front of my house.

Garrett:

Get your ass out here.

Garrett:

And the city said,

Garrett:

yeah, we'll get to it.

Garrett:

Well, he got tired of waiting,

Garrett:

so he decides, you know

Garrett:

what, I'm just going to throw

Garrett:

a party in the sinkhole.

Garrett:

So he fills the sinkhole

Garrett:

with water and puts a bunch

Garrett:

of pool chairs around it.

Garrett:

And everybody's coming,

Garrett:

sits down and has a pool

Garrett:

party in the sinkhole.

Yury:

Just take a bunch

Yury:

of pictures and tag

Yury:

the city on Instagram

Garrett:

That's

Garrett:

exactly what he did.

Garrett:

And guess what the city did.

Yury:

They cited him

Yury:

for a loud music.

Garrett:

Did you

Garrett:

read this article?

Yury:

Yeah, I have

Yury:

it in front of me.

Garrett:

That's

Garrett:

exactly what happened.

Garrett:

That's hysterical.

Garrett:

No, I'm just kidding.

Garrett:

That's not what happened.

Garrett:

They fixed it.

Garrett:

All right.

Garrett:

I got one more.

Garrett:

I've got one more.

Garrett:

I got one more.

Garrett:

And then you could go into

Garrett:

whatever you're going to say.

Garrett:

I don't even know how

Garrett:

to position this one.

Garrett:

Cocaine,

Yury:

the epic opener

Yury:

for any conversation.

Garrett:

Okay.

Garrett:

Right.

Garrett:

It's it's drugs.

Garrett:

Drugs are bad.

Garrett:

Drugs are bad.

Garrett:

This is an article I

Garrett:

found talking about,

Garrett:

and this is the tagline

Garrett:

for the article, right?

Garrett:

The rise of woke Coke,

Garrett:

drug dealers, targeting

Garrett:

middle-class users with

Garrett:

ethically sourced cocaine

Garrett:

for 200 pounds, a gram

Garrett:

to suit their vegan

Garrett:

and organic lifestyle.

Yury:

Well, I mean, if you're

Yury:

going to be a cokehead,

Yury:

you want to keep the

Yury:

environment in mind, right?

Garrett:

Do you think

Garrett:

that's really, what's going

Garrett:

through people's minds

Garrett:

as they're doing coke?

Yury:

Is there a way to

Yury:

ethically source cocaine?

Garrett:

Uh, according to

Yury:

theirs, isn't

Yury:

cocaine by default.

Garrett:

I don't know.

Garrett:

I don't even know what's

Garrett:

in cocaine, to be honest.

Yury:

Okay.

Yury:

For any vegan coke heads out

Yury:

there, if you can call them

Yury:

this message, call the fan

Yury:

dumb the line and let us know

Garrett:

888 - F A N D U M B

Garrett:

let us know what that means.

Yury:

By the way.

Yury:

We're not promoting

Yury:

the use of cocaine.

Garrett:

Oh God.

Garrett:

No.

Yury:

Unless it's

Yury:

vegan cocaine.

Garrett:

It has to be woke.

Yury:

It has to be woke coke.

Yury:

What a great

Yury:

marketing strategy.

Garrett:

Exactly.

Garrett:

All right, I'm done.

Yury:

Don't do cocaine.

Yury:

Don't do drugs

Garrett:

Drugs are bad

Garrett:

kids drugs are bad!

Yury:

All right.

Yury:

Well, it's another week for

Yury:

fill in the dumb, my favorite

Yury:

portion of the podcast,

Yury:

because who doesn't like

Yury:

useless headline trivia?

Garrett:

Or making me feel

Garrett:

like a complete loser.

Garrett:

Cause I never can

Garrett:

get an answer right?

Yury:

Nah, that's just

Yury:

cherry on the top.

Yury:

Uh, Garrett, as you know, I

Yury:

shouldn't have to explain it

Yury:

to you, but you never know.

Yury:

We might have new listeners

Yury:

jumping in on the, uh,

Yury:

this week is dumb train.

Yury:

Later on.

Garrett:

We don't have

Garrett:

new listeners, Yury.

Garrett:

You can just stop right there.

Yury:

Once again.

Yury:

Hi mom.

Yury:

I'm going to read you

Yury:

actual news headlines.

Yury:

I pulled these from the news.

Yury:

I'm going to read

Yury:

the news headlines.

Yury:

I'll leave one word blank.

Yury:

I'll give you three

Yury:

possible answers.

Yury:

One is correct two

Yury:

are incorrect using

Yury:

process of elimination.

Yury:

You can figure out

Yury:

which one makes sense.

Garrett:

Can I though?

Yury:

All right, for your

Yury:

first question, a Louisiana

Yury:

couple was shocked after

Yury:

the bank mistakenly blank

Yury:

and your possible answers

Yury:

are foreclosed on their

Yury:

house, deposited $50

Yury:

billion into their account.

Garrett:

I'm sorry.

Garrett:

Was that 50 billion

Garrett:

or 50 million?

Yury:

50 billion

Yury:

billion with a B right.

Yury:

Or opened up a credit account

Yury:

in their dog's name again,

Yury:

Louisiana, couple shocked

Yury:

after the bank mistakenly

Yury:

foreclosed on their house,

Yury:

accidentally deposited $50

Yury:

billion into their account,

Yury:

or opened up a credit card

Yury:

account in their dogs name.

Yury:

Starting with you, Garrett,

Yury:

since you're the only one.

Garrett:

All right.

Garrett:

For our one listener that

Garrett:

we still have after all this

Garrett:

time, it was really funny to

Garrett:

watch Yury give these, uh,

Garrett:

possible answers because you

Garrett:

know, it's going to be good

Garrett:

when he's laughing before he

Garrett:

even says the possible answer.

Garrett:

Uh, so I'm gonna rule out

Garrett:

deposited 50 billion in

Garrett:

their account right away,

Garrett:

cause it's Louisiana,

Garrett:

nobody has $50 billion.

Garrett:

Do they?

Garrett:

I don't think they do.

Garrett:

Foreclosed on their house.

Garrett:

That that could be it,

Garrett:

but I don't know that that

Garrett:

would make for a really

Garrett:

good story for our podcast

Garrett:

or opening a credit account

Garrett:

in their dog's name.

Garrett:

See, that sounds a

Garrett:

little bit more like

Garrett:

something I would expect

Garrett:

to come out of Louisiana.

Garrett:

So I think the bank mistakenly

Garrett:

opened a credit account

Garrett:

in their dog's name, and

Garrett:

then they got the bill

Garrett:

and there was a bunch of

Garrett:

charges from chewy.com.

Yury:

Well in Louisiana a

Yury:

husband and wife were left

Yury:

stunned this month after

Yury:

they discovered $50 billion

Yury:

had been accidentally

Yury:

deposited into their account.

Garrett:

No way!

Yury:

$50 billion.

Yury:

He said he came though, the

Yury:

husband says he came home,

Yury:

a wife showed him the, uh,

Yury:

deposit statement and he was

Yury:

basically like, what the fuck?

Yury:

Where did that come from?

Yury:

Uh, this was Chase bank

Yury:

and I guess Chase did

Yury:

finally correct the

Yury:

error four days later.

Garrett:

Okay.

Garrett:

I'm sorry.

Garrett:

But if Chase mistakenly

Garrett:

deposits $50 billion

Garrett:

into my account.

Garrett:

I'm going to go

Garrett:

withdrawal that money.

Garrett:

Like I'm going to go into the

Garrett:

branch and be like, hi, I'm

Garrett:

here to close out my accounts.

Garrett:

Yes.

Garrett:

I need cash now, please.

Yury:

Yeah, it says in

Yury:

Chase's official statement.

Yury:

We had a technical

Yury:

glitch over the week.

Garrett:

That is not

Garrett:

a glitch, not a glitch

Garrett:

that is a Royal fuck up.

Garrett:

And somebody's getting

Garrett:

fired over that one.

Yury:

Does Chase even

Yury:

have $50 billion.

Yury:

How much money could that

Yury:

one bank possibly have?

Garrett:

What is money anyway?

Garrett:

I mean, like when you put

Garrett:

money in, oh, this is going

Garrett:

to get super philosophical.

Garrett:

When you put money in the

Garrett:

bank, does it actually stay in

Garrett:

the bank or does it go to some

Garrett:

reserve vault somewhere and

Garrett:

they have money in quotes, but

Garrett:

it's not really, I don't know,

Garrett:

dude, it's a rabbit hole.

Garrett:

I can totally get lost this.

Garrett:

And by the way, I really

Garrett:

wish it had been the

Garrett:

dog because chewy.com

Garrett:

has some amazing stuff.

Garrett:

And I buy all my dogs

Garrett:

supplies through there.

Garrett:

So chewy.com please

Garrett:

sponsor the podcast.

Yury:

Okay.

Yury:

I didn't even realize a

Yury:

glitch like this was possible.

Yury:

Um, but I do plan on going

Yury:

and opening up several

Yury:

accounts at chase, uh,

Yury:

just to play the odds

Garrett:

I'm in!

Garrett:

Oh, I'm in dude, let's go.

Garrett:

I'll put like a dollar in each

Garrett:

account and just sit there and

Garrett:

watch it and see if it grows.

Yury:

Just wait for it man

Yury:

Okay, in Dubai.

Yury:

What happened in Dubai?

Yury:

Something happened in Dubai.

Garrett:

Oh my God.

Garrett:

You're so prepared

Garrett:

for tonight.

Yury:

Uh, in Dubai, I've

Yury:

been to Dubai actually.

Garrett:

Have you really?

Yury:

Yeah.

Yury:

Gorgeous city.

Yury:

Stupid, super expensive.

Yury:

Yeah.

Yury:

Very hot, very hot.

Yury:

Uh, but actually the headline

Yury:

it's so hot in Dubai that the

Yury:

government is creating blank

Yury:

and your possible answers are

Yury:

outdoor air conditioned

Yury:

neighborhoods, laws keeping

Yury:

you from going outside

Yury:

or artificial rainstorms.

Garrett:

All right.

Garrett:

So Dubai really hot, you know?

Garrett:

Okay.

Garrett:

So the government is

Garrett:

creating either outdoor air

Garrett:

conditioned neighborhoods.

Garrett:

Okay.

Garrett:

That's cool.

Garrett:

Like, if you can

Garrett:

create an outdoor air

Garrett:

conditioned neighborhood.

Garrett:

Yeah.

Garrett:

That's kind of cool.

Garrett:

I mean, that would be

Garrett:

amazing, but it was

Garrett:

not even intentional.

Yury:

I mean, if anybody

Yury:

has the money to do it,

Yury:

it's a Dubai because

Yury:

they bank with Chase.

Garrett:

Right.

Garrett:

But the problem with an

Garrett:

outdoor air conditioned

Garrett:

neighborhood is all the

Garrett:

dads are going to be running

Garrett:

around constantly resetting

Garrett:

the thermostat because you're

Garrett:

letting all the fucking

Garrett:

cold air out of the house.

Yury:

Wouldn't it be, you're

Yury:

letting all the cold air in?

Yury:

It's outside.

Yury:

It's good, I'm glad you're

Yury:

coming with me on this one.

Garrett:

Yes.

Garrett:

And uh, okay, anyway, uh,

Garrett:

laws keeping you from going

Garrett:

outside that one sounds a

Garrett:

little bit too realistic

Garrett:

or artificial rain storms.

Garrett:

You know what dude?

Garrett:

I think I got it.

Garrett:

No, I think it's the

Garrett:

artificial rainstorms, because

Garrett:

who doesn't like a nice,

Garrett:

refreshing drenching of water

Garrett:

when it's 170 degrees outside.

Garrett:

So I'm going to lock in

Garrett:

with artificial rainstorms.

Garrett:

And I think I'm finally right.

Yury:

I'm actually

Yury:

proud of you.

Yury:

It is artificial rainstorms.

Yury:

Yes.

Yury:

But let me explain to

Yury:

you what they're doing.

Yury:

They're sending drones

Yury:

into the sky and they are

Yury:

zapping the atmosphere with

Yury:

electrical waves, which is.

Yury:

Creating rain storms.

Garrett:

Tell me

Garrett:

you're kidding.

Garrett:

Right?

Yury:

No, I'm not kidding.

Yury:

It's 100%.

Yury:

It says, uh, uh, scientists in

Yury:

the UAE United Arab Emirates

Yury:

is making it rain artificially

Yury:

using electrical charges

Yury:

from drones to manipulate the

Yury:

weather and force rainfall

Yury:

across the desert nation.

Yury:

A meteorology,

Yury:

meteorology meaty.

Yury:

meterological

Garrett:

Say that

Garrett:

three times fast.

Yury:

Couldn't even

Yury:

say at one time slow,

Garrett:

oh my God.

Yury:

Those people release

Yury:

video footage this week

Yury:

showing a downpour and the

Yury:

new method of cloud seeding

Yury:

is what they're calling.

Yury:

It shows, promise, and

Yury:

helping to mitigate

Yury:

drought conditions.

Garrett:

Wow.

Garrett:

That's awesome that

Garrett:

they can do that.

Yury:

I would love to

Yury:

buy a DJI drone that just

Yury:

shoots electrical waves.

Yury:

That'd be really fun.

Garrett:

So, um, I'm

Garrett:

a little bit confused.

Garrett:

So are the clouds already

Garrett:

there and they're just

Garrett:

zapping them or are

Garrett:

they creating clouds?

Garrett:

And then zapping?

Yury:

It says, according to

Yury:

research from the university

Yury:

of Redding in the UK or

Yury:

Reading UK scientists created

Yury:

the storms using drones, which

Yury:

hit clouds with electricity,

Yury:

creating large raindrops,

Yury:

a larger rain drops are

Yury:

essential in the hot country,

Yury:

blah, blah, blah, obviously,

Garrett:

uh, I, you

Garrett:

know what the best

Garrett:

part about that story?

Yury:

You just

Yury:

got another point?

Garrett:

I got a point

Garrett:

that is exactly right.

Yury:

I'm proud of you, man.

Yury:

I'm proud of you.

Yury:

For your third and

Yury:

final question.

Yury:

Emergency crews accidentally

Yury:

rescued a blank, basically,

Yury:

assuming it was someone

Yury:

who drowned emergency crews

Yury:

accidentally rescued a

Yury:

statue, sex doll, or a wig.

Garrett:

Oh, I can't,

Garrett:

I just can't do it.

Garrett:

Um,

Yury:

Oh, you can,

Yury:

and you should.

Garrett:

There's a lot of

Garrett:

pressure on this one, man.

Garrett:

If I actually get this

Garrett:

question right, I'm going

Garrett:

to have two out of the three

Garrett:

points, which I think we

Garrett:

would qualify as a win for me.

Garrett:

Right?

Yury:

I mean, sure.

Garrett:

Okay.

Garrett:

So emergency crews

Garrett:

accidentally rescued a blank.

Garrett:

So based on the three

Garrett:

guesses, you've heard,

Garrett:

the three answers possible

Garrett:

answers you gave me, I'm

Garrett:

going to guess that they

Garrett:

were rescuing somebody from

Garrett:

like a house, like a fire

Garrett:

in a house or something.

Garrett:

They were rescuing someone.

Garrett:

So a statue again, does

Garrett:

that really make anything

Garrett:

interesting for the podcast?

Garrett:

Probably not.

Garrett:

A sex doll, now we're getting

Garrett:

into interesting terriorty,

Garrett:

although that's a little

Garrett:

bit dark, even for us.

Garrett:

I think.

Garrett:

Or a Wig.

Garrett:

So I think I'm going to

Garrett:

go with wig on this one

Garrett:

because there is nothing

Garrett:

like a good wig getting

Garrett:

rescued from a fire.

Yury:

So you're

Yury:

going with wig?

Garrett:

I'm going with wig.

Yury:

All right.

Yury:

Well, a team of

Yury:

emergency rescue divers

Garrett:

Wait you didn't

Garrett:

say they were rescue divers.

Garrett:

Hold on.

Garrett:

Now that changes everything.

Yury:

Okay, go ahead.

Yury:

Do you want to

Yury:

change your answer?

Garrett:

It doesn't

Garrett:

really change anything.

Garrett:

I don't know.

Garrett:

Go ahead.

Yury:

Yeah, basically a team

Yury:

of emergency rescue divers

Yury:

what does flummoxed

Yury:

F L U M M O X E D.

Yury:

That's a word.

Yury:

That's not a word.

Yury:

Flummoxed

Garrett:

Bewildered

Garrett:

or perplexed.

Yury:

Oh, man.

Yury:

Look at them using English.

Yury:

All right.

Yury:

Well, at team of emergency

Yury:

rescue divers were

Yury:

bewildered or perplexed

Yury:

after responding to the

Yury:

scene of a nude drowning

Yury:

woman only to discover that

Yury:

it was actually a floating

Yury:

life sized sex doll.

Garrett:

Oh my God.

Garrett:

Damn it.

Yury:

They issued an SOS.

Yury:

Save our Sex Doll.

Yury:

Uh, boy.

Yury:

Oh, wait a minute.

Yury:

That's just embarrassing

Yury:

for everybody.

Garrett:

Why is

Garrett:

it embarrassing?

Garrett:

I mean, they thought

Garrett:

they were saving a

Garrett:

person who was drowning.

Garrett:

I mean, good for them for,

Yury:

Dude, have you seen

Yury:

the videos where people

Yury:

like marry sex dolls and,

Garrett:

oh my God.

Garrett:

It's like a thing right now.

Yury:

That's right, yeah.

Yury:

It's a thing

Garrett:

It's not a thing for

Garrett:

me, thank you very much, but

Garrett:

Hey, you know what, whatever,

Garrett:

whatever makes you happy.

Yury:

It's, it's, it's

Yury:

unclear how the blow up

Yury:

doll ended up in the water.

Garrett:

Are they

Garrett:

going to run DNA?

Garrett:

Cause there's probably

Garrett:

DNA all over them.

Garrett:

Yeah, I got a point.

Garrett:

Does that mean

Garrett:

I win this week?

Yury:

I'm going to say,

Yury:

because we didn't have

Yury:

a guest host and you

Yury:

did get one, right?

Yury:

I will declare you the winner

Yury:

for this week episode 18

Yury:

season two, episode two.

Yury:

I'm trying to make that

Yury:

as confusing as possible.

Yury:

The game's over my

Yury:

friend, you won!

Yury:

I have a, a dummy of the week.

Garrett:

You do?

Garrett:

Well, let's do your

Garrett:

dummy of the week.

Voice Over:

It's time for

Voice Over:

the dummy of the week.

Voice Over:

Who will it be?

Voice Over:

Let's find out.

Yury:

Well, Garrett,

Yury:

this week's dummy of the

Yury:

week comes to you out

Yury:

of Southern California.

Garrett:

Ooh,

Garrett:

that's where we are.

Yury:

It is from a

Yury:

company called Five

Yury:

Guys for charging $19.

Garrett:

Hold on, hold on.

Garrett:

The dummy of the week isn't

Garrett:

Five Guys for charging $19.

Garrett:

The dummy of the week is

Garrett:

you for going to Five Guys

Yury:

Dummy of the week

Yury:

is me for paying $19.

Garrett:

Oh, tell

Garrett:

me you're serious.

Garrett:

And that's really what

Garrett:

you're using for the

Garrett:

dummy of the week.

Yury:

Dummy of the week

Yury:

is me for paying $19 for

Yury:

a cheeseburger, fries and

Yury:

a god damn drink for fuck's

Yury:

sake, put a mask on and

Yury:

point a gun at me, cause

Yury:

that's what it felt like.

Garrett:

Will you be going to

Garrett:

Five Guys again anytime soon?

Yury:

No.

Garrett:

And by the way,

Garrett:

Five Guys, if you'd like to

Garrett:

sponsor our podcast, please

Garrett:

feel free to reach out to us.

Yury:

You know, they

Yury:

originally called

Yury:

themselves one guy, but

Yury:

they couldn't afford it.

Yury:

They had to get four

Yury:

of their friends.

Garrett:

Oh, my God dude.

Garrett:

So the dummy of the week

Garrett:

in our last episode was

Garrett:

us together because we

Garrett:

hadn't put out an episode.

Garrett:

Dummy of the week,

Garrett:

this week is you?

Garrett:

Because you ate at Five Guys?

Yury:

It's been

Yury:

a bad month, man.

Yury:

It's been a bad month.

Garrett:

Hey man.

Garrett:

Here's hoping things get

Garrett:

better for you in August.

Garrett:

That's all I'll say.

Yury:

Knocks on wood.

Garrett:

Socks on wood?

Yury:

Knock.

Garrett:

Oh, you doing

Garrett:

a little foley there?

Yury:

I didn't want

Yury:

to say knock, knock.

Garrett:

Who's there?

Yury:

Interrupting cow

Garrett:

interrupting cow who?

Yury:

Moo

Garrett:

Fucker.

Yury:

Oh, you wanna hear

Yury:

the best knock-knock joke?

Garrett:

Sure.

Yury:

You start it.

Garrett:

Knock, knock.

Yury:

Who's there?

Garrett:

Damn dude.

Garrett:

I I'm lost.

Yury:

Oh boy.

Yury:

Well, that's been a week, huh?

Garrett:

Yeah,

Garrett:

it's been a week.

Garrett:

Actually, I think we had

Garrett:

enough shenanigans in this

Garrett:

episode to cover the two

Garrett:

weeks that we went, not

Garrett:

releasing an episode, right?

Garrett:

I mean,

Yury:

There you go.

Garrett:

It tracks, right?

Yury:

To sum it up,don't

Yury:

eate at Five Guys.

Yury:

And then,

Garrett:

And if you have

Garrett:

a sinkhole in front of

Garrett:

your house, fill it with

Garrett:

water and the city will

Garrett:

eventually come fix it,

Yury:

throw a party.

Yury:

Okay.

Garrett:

Well, thanks.

Garrett:

Dumberellas, for hanging out

Garrett:

with us again this week and,

Garrett:

uh, we'll work to get a more

Garrett:

consistent release schedule.

Garrett:

Thanks a lot loyal

Garrett:

Dumberella for that message.

Garrett:

Well, thanks again for hanging

Garrett:

out with us this week and.

Garrett:

Yeah, don't forget.

Garrett:

Reach out, connect

Garrett:

with us on the social

Garrett:

medias @ThisWeekIsDumb

Garrett:

on basically anything.

Garrett:

If there's a social media

Garrett:

@ThisWeekIsDumb, will

Garrett:

get you connected to us.

Garrett:

TikTok, Instagram,

Garrett:

Facebook, Twitter.

Garrett:

Although I don't

Garrett:

think I've ever posted

Garrett:

anything on Twitter.

Garrett:

Cause I don't really use

Garrett:

Twitter, but it's worth there.

Garrett:

Right?

Yury:

We don't,

Yury:

we don't check it.

Garrett:

Or you can call

Garrett:

the FANDUMB line at eight,

Garrett:

eight, eight FANDUMB

Garrett:

8 8, 8 F A N D U M B.

Garrett:

Yury, there's like

Garrett:

six people that called

Garrett:

in the last two days.

Garrett:

I got really excited, but

Garrett:

none of them left a message.

Garrett:

They just listened to

Garrett:

the outgoing message and

Garrett:

then hang up what the

Garrett:

hell's going on with that.

Yury:

It might be my

Yury:

vehicle, uh, the warranty,

Yury:

apparently there's

Yury:

something going on with it.

Garrett:

We're calling to

Garrett:

let you know your vehicle

Garrett:

warranty may have expired.

Garrett:

Please press one to

Garrett:

speak to a counselor now.

Garrett:

Well, I think on that

Garrett:

note, uh, we'll say goodbye

Garrett:

for this week and, uh,

Garrett:

we'll see you next time.

Yury:

Till next week.

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