Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this engaging conversation, Robb and Tina explore the complexities of relationships in the digital age, focusing on the impact of social media on stalking behaviors, breakups, and mental health. They discuss the importance of setting boundaries, the challenges of moving on, and the role of friends in navigating these situations. The dialogue emphasizes the need for self-reflection and healing, while also addressing the illusion of social media and the necessity of finding closure in relationships.

Explicit

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This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

And welcome to another show don't get this twisted. I am rob along with my host. So is tina How you doing tina?

That was hard for you to get out, huh Rob?

Let me tell you, I'm telling you my lungs hurt. think, like I said, before we got on here, I think I'm getting sick and it feels like there's just a small dog on my chest right now, not a gorilla yet. So I'm really hoping that I can fight this. Yeah, so it's hard to But well, it should be illegal. You're supposed to be sick in the wintertime when it's OK to sit in your house and suffer and eat chicken soup.

Mmm.

Nobody should get sick in the summertime. It's too nice outside. It should be illegal.

And you want to. Nobody wants chicken soup in 100 degree weather.

Yeah, you want exactly you want to like right? Yeah, no shit that sucks so bad. Suck so bad. You're like, or like a good nice big bowl of pho something just really good with some with some what is that cock sauce that you put in it? What is that sriracha? Yeah. Yeah, that shit is good though. Either that or I throw a little tapatio in it. That's even

Something.

Sriracha, but I still call it cock sauce.

It is good.

I don't... I'm not a fan. It's too vinegary, that and Tabasco.

Really not found a tabatio. I like it. I don't do Tabasco, but I think I think Tabatio is the next best thing. It's not Tabasco is like vinegar. I can't eat that shit. I don't think I can do it. Mr. Roger, Roger's bomb, dude. That's. yeah, those are all vinegar.

Tabascus is kind of disgusting. And all those little packets that everybody eats from Taco Bell and Del Taco and they're all disgusting. But I will eat caulk sauce. That could come out a hundred different ways.

They're all vinegar. Yeah, sauce is good. Yeah, I know. That's a someone's going to make sure that they get a small snippet of that one and use it somewhere. Yeah, it's good stuff, though. I actually love sriracha is really good. So this week, you have the honor of saying what we're going to talk about, which I slowly forgot. But then once you said it, I

They should.

That's funny.

kind of giggled so exactly how do you how would you like to word that this week? man that is such an open-ended thing with see I

I'm like, why do people spend time worrying about people they're not in contact with and they don't want to have anything to do with them? Why are they so into finding out what that person is doing if they care so little?

Here's the thing, I think back in the day when there was no social media, it was so easy to just forget about people, right? Even if they lived in your neighborhood, it was so easy to forget about people because in some cases you just don't see them. You know, we lived in the valley which surprisingly is very, very big.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

But I ran into people when I worked for a place called the Good Guys way, way back in the day. I ran into so many people from high school that came in there when I worked at Northridge that I thought it was kind of humorous because I looked so different than they didn't. So I'd walk up and go, yeah, you went to Kennedy, huh? And they would be like, I was like, yeah, you didn't know me. You were popular. So I think today.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

yeah?

Nah.

know, everybody was running their little games.

I just think today it's so easy to, I mean, I hate to say stalk people, but I mean, it's just easy. look, at the end of the day, you, most, I would say block people from then on, right? And I know that that seems like, I shouldn't have to do that.

But you did!

Mm-hmm.

But if you have like me, I have a public profile on most of my stuff because I don't give a shit. If you want to look at my stuff, more power to you. I think that that's okay. I'm I don't hide nothing. Something's going on. You know, more power to you. But at the end of the day, I think that it's just easy. then if you and I don't think that they don't care. I think people who stalk you or look at your profiles or ask people about you.

They still care. That's the biggest thing. Look how many people have ex-husbands or ex-wives that are still stalking other people's profiles to see, to find you, to check yours. That's just the way of the world.

Right Why would why would my ex's ex want to know anything about me like What what are you gonna do with that information doesn't even make sense to spend your time like planting trees or doing something that's actually worse something because Your knowledge of what I'm doing is not gonna change anything

No, but you're it's because you live in their head You know, but I think that yeah, I think that's the biggest thing though. I think that if you're if you're looking at

Well, should I just start dancing then?

I mean, with the exception of like, let's say you, here's the biggest problem too with algorithms of social media. Algorithms remember things. So at some point, if you talk to somebody in the past, somewhere in your future, it's gonna be like, do you know this person? So like, that's what happens. And that's how a lot of these things happen. Where out of nowhere, you're be like, I haven't talked to this person and you know.

Mm-hmm.

200 weeks. It's like, yeah, kind of we've stopped talking. We don't do that anymore. And that will pop up or it'll say like, you know, do you know this person or that? I think that's the biggest problem. You end up. Perpetually, at some point, it's going to come back around and say, hey, do you know this person? So people who care or cared in the past, they will click on it just to see.

if it's you and then or if it's open or you know like I've been blocked a bazillion times so it's like I don't have to worry if you know I actually prefer that if you break up with somebody or stop having a relationship with somebody it's better just to block everyone yeah

Hmm

That is absolutely correct. That's what I do. I'm like, we're not going to be friends anymore. Cool. Let's make sure you don't have access to my world because I don't want you nor need you to know. And we could just go on hating each other. It's fine. It's totally OK. And you know what? That's for my sanity too. I don't need to see everybody's stuff and what they're doing and just find any reason to frustrate myself. I don't want it.

100 % and I think that that's why like I prefer the other way as well like it's okay you can block me like

Mm-hmm.

It's just good for everyone's sanity. Like a hundred percent. Like we should. Yeah, and I don't... And I think it's good for both parties. It's not like even if it's someone you don't hate. It's just good for your mental health.

See ya, we're good. Life goes on and you shouldn't be a part of it. you're not in my life, you don't need to be stalking me. You don't need to be looking at my shit.

Mm-hmm.

It absolutely is.

You know, like let's say if you have feelings or had feelings for someone the worst thing that can happen is Something comes up and you're like, they have a girlfriend now And that just because your mind wanders and then your mind goes I wonder what would have happened if I would have stayed with him and now he has this girl and she's ugly and I don't like her and then Then you're checking her profile

Mm-hmm.

And then that's perpetually, then you're watching what she's doing and what kind of girl she is. And it's, it's a nightmare of your own brain, you know, going what would have been instead of just going, Hey, it was a good time. It didn't work. And everyone moves on.

It's also throwing shade though. You know, I've been around the block enough to know and and even when I was younger like I wanted a person to hurt I hope they get with her and I hope she does this and that and and I'm like I wasted my my ex taught me that I we were in a situation where I was like Why don't you just confront this person and he said why he goes cuz all I'm gonna do is get tar on my hands and I thought about that, you know, he's he was absolutely right so

Right.

Made me start to try it like let's see if I could just ignore somebody or or let's see if I could not engage in that or Let's not you know Yeah, basically engage in a confrontation let's let it all fly Let them burn themselves out and then maybe I won't have to deal with it anymore And I found that the less I dealt with it the better off mentally I was

Right.

And that was like, he gave me that gift a long, long time ago. We weren't even married at that point. And I have to say that that was one of the things I'm most grateful for is that he taught me how to not give a shit. You know, don't fight. You don't need to engage. And then one thing that I always thought that maybe that was a weak stance to take, but in doing so, you have to use a lot more willpower.

to not engage than you ever would energy to have to engage. So it's not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength that you could hold your mud and not deal with all the chaos that's going around you. And I'm so grateful that he taught me that because I have a lot of people, close people, that in one shot they were kind of gone. And I just blocked everything. I haven't known anything about them since.

Nor do I want to. The only thing I hear is when somebody says, hey, did you hear it? I'm like, well, now I did. But I'm not looking for that. it's... Life has been good not knowing all their shit.

So I don't get it. I'm having a hard time understanding why anybody even cares.

I got some crazy statistics because well I just threw it in in the old search engine here. Man, I almost don't want to read them.

That's what you do.

So cyber-stalking is more common than traditional stalking, with approximately 1.5 million people being cyber-stalked victims as of 2019. I got that coming. Hold on. Hold that thought, because, wow. Nearly half of the stalking victims face threats that threaten their safety, with 72 of stalking victims reported being threatened with physical harm.

Mmm.

Like to what degree though are we talking?

Okay. Okay.

72 % Let's see, technology is increasingly used as a means of stalking with 80 % of the stalking victims reporting being stalked through technology. So now they're not even like coming to your house anymore. They just sit on your profile. Yeah. And of course, this is probably not a shock. Women are more likely to be stalked by acquaintances or current former intimate apartments with 42 % of stalking victims.

They don't even have to brush their teeth to go out in the morning to stalk somebody? What the hell?

Being stocked by someone they know. That's not yeah, 42%. I thought it would have been more. I mean, if I'm going to be perfectly honest. Let's see. No, is, but I would have thought like that by someone they know it would have been more not being stocked at all, but you know, because like there's so many profiles that can pop up that you can click on and then people just stock that profile, even though they don't know you.

How fun is that?

I think that's a lot.

Mm-hmm.

where people they know, I thought it would have been in the 50 % like more because obviously you know people. Let's see. Stalking victims often experience repeated unwanted contacts or behaviors that cause fear or emotional distress with 32 % of victims experiencing monitoring using social media. So yeah, this is.

Obviously in this day and age, much more prevalent than before. Although I'm sure people just stalked your house before stood outside. I've seen that recently. I had a friend who I was over their house one night and an ex-boyfriend of hers called her on the phone and said, I know he's there.

How fun is that?

Yeah. Interesting. Needless to say. Which it was funny because and again, I don't want to say that my friend was naive. Just probably very nice. Actually, she was like, I'm sure he hasn't done this before. And I was like, no.

He's done this before. He just didn't have to say anything to you because there was nobody here. So I go, that wasn't the first time he just happened to be around the house. Like that's not how it works. And if it was, this guy hit like the jackpot because there was somebody's car parked in front. My guess is that he knew the car from another time that I might've been hanging out over there and then it just steamrolled into.

No, it's not.

I better go check if there's somebody there. Mm-hmm.

Why would okay, so that's a perfect example Why why would you want to do that? Why do you want to go and hurt yourself and find out that life goes on? Why not just know that immediately that life goes on and start going that direction Why would you want to put your situation? like

Why would you want to make it harder on yourself? Breakups are hard. Not talking to somebody that you once loved, that's hard. But it's way harder if you see them going on than when it, rather than you just living your life and you moving on.

Correct. Okay, so in this particular case, the person who was on the outside was continuously calling her as well. And she would pick up and then they would talk. Even though

It was said that it was right well and even though during those conversations it was said that it was over. She was just too nice. You

So she gave him attention for bad behavior.

No, she was literally stringing them along. Because if it was over, she shouldn't be answering the damn phone either. She shouldn't be answering it. She shouldn't be engaging. They shouldn't be having any more conversations. She shouldn't be, you know, I feel bad because he knows it's over. None of that. None of that should be happening. Life should be going on and he should be going his way and she should be going hers. But she's entertaining the situation.

Correct. I agree, but you know, going through that with several different friends. This isn't just the first one. I've seen it. I've seen it a lot with and I hate to say women, but women are just nice sometimes.

And will and I don't I mean some some of that was probably stringing people along. Some was just trying to. Not hurt somebody on the way out. I've seen that a lot in divorce situations where. The. Husband is now going through divorce, but still trying to hold on and keep hope alive even though. Everyone knows it's over.

I think a lot of that stuff and I guarantee you like see during that like when I went through my divorce even though social media was pretty prevalent at the time like I didn't my ex didn't have a social media presence and if it was it was very very small like almost non-existent so I didn't have to worry about that kind of thing which is which is good I think

Mm-hmm.

So me, I'm just, go ahead, finish your thought.

No, I was just going to say that I understand like the whole thing of of that world. I don't understand why you would do it like you said. It's all you're doing is is slowly poking holes in your own skin. Because you know that 90 % of the time they're moving on or they already have someone. So why put yourself

Mm-hmm. It is.

Mm-hmm.

through that over and over and over again. It's self-harm.

Oh yeah, it totally is. Like my ex and I, I told you a hundred times, we had a pretty decent exiting situation. We didn't harm each other. There was no drama. There was no big issues. We were both done and we just made that happen as civilly as possible. And I remember having a dream.

which I don't know this is off the subject but here it goes. I had a dream that he came over for a holiday and he brought his new girlfriend with him that I had never met. And I opened the door because I saw that somebody was walking up and I said, hey, how's it going? Gave him a hug and you know, he walked in and then there somebody behind him and I said, hey, how's it going? Gave them a hug, walked them in. He introduced me as his new girlfriend.

And I'm like, nice to meet you. It's nice to finally meet you. Please come in. Go ahead. And as they were walking away, he said to her, you know, might want to talk to her. She might be able to give you a different perspective on me than I can.

Huh.

And I woke up and I was laughing. I woke up laughing. And it was funny to me because I would have been that person to do that and said, you know what? I noticed when we were together, he did this. And I noticed that it was better when I acted this way. I actually had a couple of people in my life that I dated and then they were with somebody else and I gave them a little, gave their new

Right.

Person a little tidbit to make living with them easier and it worked out great. I it came from the heart I it was it was the truth, you know and and That's how it was so I noticed that now my ex is way into his social media way more than ever and You know, I I've seen things but I'm always so happy for him because one of the things that I was

Thank

most worried for was that he wouldn't take care of himself. Like he wasn't somebody to cook and he, you know, he didn't take his vitamins like he should without me saying, Hey, you want these? Like, you know, so we, I was afraid that he wouldn't be healthy or that he wouldn't, you know, I don't know how, how would he live without me? Let's just put it that way. But you know what? I'm glad to see that I don't have to hold that guilt.

Right

because he's fine. But I don't really, if it shows up and I happen to scroll and I see it, I'm happy for him. But if I don't see it, I really don't care. And I don't think he does either. think we're, you know, I've never been, maybe he's driven by my house to see if I was there. Maybe, I don't think so. I don't think he'd waste his time because he was the one that taught me not to give a shit about that. And truly I don't.

Mm-hmm.

I don't check people's things. I don't want to know if I'm seeing something through another person on social media about somebody I don't like or they're in it. I just block them to not you could do it without blocking to you could just ignore and follow or do whatever the hell you got to do and I do that and say you know what you guys are great for each other stick it out like

Right.

See if life is better knowing each other. Go for it, because I'm on a different path.

I agree. think that there's look, you have to find a way to let go and

Mm-hmm.

Social media is the death of that, right? It's right in your face. It'll pop up when you don't want to see it. It's kind of like the worst thing is like memories. When memories pop up, you know, it's that's another like horrible thing. Cause all of a sudden you're like, oh yeah, like this is what I was doing two years ago. And you're like, fuck. Like, so the best way of doing that, I think too is, and I,

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

I'm torn between. Well, I'm torn, but I'm torn between two different things, right? Where. Social media is a kind of a weird thing, so do you? I'll give you an example. I'll throw it at you and you tell me what you would do. Would you? Let's say you have umpteen pictures on your your thing. Would you get rid of all the pictures with that person in it or would you leave them as part of your life?

Don't look at him. Just don't look at him. Sorry.

I haven't edited my accounts in any way.

So you just keep the photos. So, right, but see, like for me, those are the type of things where you have to be careful because those things are gonna come back on you at some point.

Yeah, I guess.

Listen, if you had a life for 52 years and somebody comes into it, why would you get rid of your old life? That's made you who you are with this person. And if I wouldn't put that stuff back up, like you wouldn't see me repost a memory. That would be foolish because you're not with the right person.

Mm-hmm Right now I get you I'm just saying

But what am I going to do? Lie and say I wasn't married for 17 years? Like that's kind of a bit of change, you know? I don't think anybody should make you or even make you feel bad that you didn't get rid of it. Like that's your life.

It's a part of you and it's always going to pop up. My ex said the same thing. You need to get rid of all your ex's pictures, all the letters, all the stuff, anything that I had kept from whenever. And I said, no, I'm going to put in a box up in my closet and that's where it's going to stay because it's my life. And then he got rid of all, because he believed that, he got rid of all kinds of pictures and everything that he could have. And I said, why would you?

delete your life from you. Doesn't make sense. over the years, you know, other pictures have popped up because not everybody threw their stuff away and he had to see it anyway. So I don't know. I just don't. I think that's foolish. Grow up. Grow the fuck up.

Right.

Right, I'm just saying I can see why people would do both. It's kind of like how I see it. It's because if you've been utterly hurt by somebody,

Yeah.

You know and I'm talking about not in marriage because marriage is a whole other thing because you're gonna end up with family pictures, you know Right, that's really hard to To just let go of I just think mostly if you've put in years and years and years You know, you have kids together you have you know birthdays with parents There's all kinds of things that are gonna bring up memories. You're never gonna get out of that. You probably shouldn't because it's

Mm-hmm.

Everything pictures.

Mm-hmm.

a serious part of your life. But if you were maybe with, know, dated someone for like three years and it went sour, like, and I mean really sour, like bad, bad juju, bad, then I can see getting rid of people that are, you know, that you don't want like that in your life. I can understand that. It's kind of a mix of both.

Exactly.

I can understand that if it was really bad, but why would you want to be with somebody that's really bad? You should have been done with that way before. It was really, really bad. I don't know. at an age where I just don't give a shit to be unhappy. And so if it's going to mess up my peace, or if it's going to make me think of, I should have, could have, would have, I don't want that in my life. Nobody should want that in their lives. Life is too short.

Right. Mm-hmm.

And if there's somebody you don't want in your life, you should stay off their fucking social medias. You should stay away from their street that they live on. You should move as far from that as you possibly can and don't look back or quit being a fucking hypocrite. Because you're a hypocrite if you keep going back and going back and looking at stuff that's none of your business.

What? Hmm. Yeah, well, and here's the thing, if you're going back and looking at stuff, you can't get mad.

Mm-hmm.

It's on you. Literally on you. know, my thing too is, is even like short term stuff. If you break up with somebody or you're going through a breakup, you have to block, get away, make sure everything goes away.

It is, literally. Yeah.

for the sanity of everyone involved. You know, like, you just have to. And here's the thing too, like I'll give you an example of if you are with somebody or you have a relationship with somebody or a friendship with somebody and you guys decide to not have that anymore, I think it's okay to go to someone and say, look, I can't be around you. I can't...

Right.

Peace.

I can't do this and just disappear. It doesn't mean that you have ill will. It just means that you want to make sure both parties life goes on without having to worry about stumbling through each other. You know what I mean? Because like I think a lot of people

you know, say, hey, we need to continue to be friends. And that sounds really easy on paper, but it's not. And then that leads to like crazy profile viewing or asking other people how you're doing. It's just not a good healthy way of doing things.

Mm-hmm.

I was in a situation where I had to tell one of my, at the time, best friends that I didn't want to have anything to do with another friend of mine. They were close at the time and I was like, you know what? I hit my limit. I don't want anything to do with this girl. I don't care what is, you know, the problem. I don't care what you got going on with her. I don't care. Have that. But do me a favor and either pick one.

or the other of us to go to like any parties or vacations or whatever you want to do and I said I don't care if you never pick me but I can't do this anymore and it turned into this big I can't believe you're telling me what to do and yada yada yada and I'm like no I'm saying be my friend and look out for me and just don't have me around that I'm okay to never go to another party I'm okay

Just let me know when she won't be there and I'll be there for you. It's so easy to just get out of somebody's way, No, it wasn't because that turned into a fight and guess what? Me and my bestie at the time were no longer friends because like if you, you know, I don't know what her reasoning is, but when I thought about it, I said, why do I want somebody around that wants me to be around somebody that would hurt me?

That's not a friend. And I had to do that a lot of times. She was the type of friend in school that would always say, I'm not friends with her, so you can't be either. And I was like, whoa, your problems are not my problems. But she made those rules up. And then when I finally said I had had enough and I didn't want to be a part of this person's life, then it was your.

Correct.

You should never tell me who to be friends. You, you're not the one in charge of me. You're, I'm like, no. Okay. So guess what? We're not going to be friends either.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, for me going forward, I've I've kind of put myself in that situation from mostly from a dating standpoint that you know, if things don't work out. And it's better for everyone's mental health and longevity of their new relationship. Just don't don't be involved in it. It's not like. Be be man enough or woman enough, whoever's the one that has to say it to go to somebody and just go look like I care about you and.

all these great things, but I don't need to see you with somebody else. And it's just better for me. I wish you well, but I can't do it. And truly, I just think that it definitely helps. And if you know people who know them, don't ask.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I don't I don't care to know and as a matter of fact, I've even made it a rule I don't want to know anything about this person. So when we go out They're off limits. Let's just keep it at that and you know, I could do it Because I when I'm there I'm there but I've noticed that not too many people can reciprocate that like they have to they have to say something almost every time and I so

Mm-hmm.

Right. Well, and I think that that's why everything goes the way it does. That's why people then open up social media and then try to find you again. And then, you know, some things are just

Okay, say it, but I don't, you know, then I look at them like, are you done? Can we move on? Because

better ended. You know? Yeah. Yeah, that's why I'll tell you like for me from a married standpoint. You know, once you get a divorce. You you really, really, really. Have to. Get rid of.

Most things when the end comes it's better to end it

everything that you can see of their life. If you want to start over. You know, and, and I'll tell you for me, you know, it was difficult to have to do things. You know, my son was young. So like, we would still have birthday parties for him where I had to go and

Yeah.

She was there with her new boyfriend and then turned husband so like And I was single So like it it's already difficult So why make it more difficult? You know what I mean? Like it just doesn't make any sense to to purposely put yourself in that situation just walk away so

And you were single.

right?

Which made it much easier. So there was no, there was no social media to look at. So for me, when you see it, when you have to just go to the party, do the party and then go home, it's easier. At least it was for me. Cause then you start getting used to it and you understand like life goes on. Where social media, you see the bright spots of everyone's shit.

Mm-hmm.

The only thing you see is the good ones.

Yeah, they're not, they're not, they're not putting in like the argument they had last night with their boyfriend because that's the reality. That's what's really happening. And most of these people where they are having a relationship with somebody, it's all the bright spots. And then all of sudden their profile picture changes and you're like, that's weird. It's just poof new relationship or single again. So.

Hmm.

Hmm.

it by stalking somebody or looking at their social medias. You're not getting the reality of what their life is. You're getting the best show you can and they want you to know. And then, like I said, you might find out, you know, three months later that they're single again and, know, going through their next glow up.

Mm-mm.

And you gotta also remember who you were with. Like when you're looking at somebody else's social media, their life is great and they got this and they got that. You know what they're like. Why would you, why would you worry about, their life is so great now? No, it's not. They're still, you're still living with the same person. They didn't change all of a sudden.

Right, you're correct. You're right. That's a better way of looking at it. That's the same person, right? Right. You know what they're putting that person through?

I'm like, Jesus, it's the same person you couldn't stand and ran away from. Run and don't look back then. Just don't. God.

I do. I... I could... See, and that's the thing, I could see it with my friends a mile away. I'm like, okay, you're upset that he's done with you? Fuck, I'm glad he's not doing that to you anymore. Let him do whatever he wants to to whomever he wants to and be grateful you got out of the trainwrecks way.

Right. That's a good point. Like you're, you, even though you see them doing well, you still know who that person is. You know, right.

Yeah, I mean be honest with yourself. I'm not saying like he's gone. I'm never love again Don't be that person you're getting older. You know better. Don't do that You know that this wasn't working for you for a long time and you weren't happy and God set you free So now that you're free don't be like, his life is so great. I miss him so much. It's not He just he just got a better a better

Right. Right. Right. And again, even even if let's say they did change.

advertising person or marketing person and made himself look better than he actually is like come on

They didn't change for you. Right. No. Right. Absolutely. You might have changed a little, but the core is

And they didn't change that much either. You know, we're not big changing people. For lack of a better word, we're kind of like tweakers. We could tweak with the sound a little bit. We could turn the bass up. We could turn the treble. We could do all that. It's tweaking. It's not changing. There's not the core of who you are. You're still that person.

Definitely there. Mm-hmm.

Especially if it's right after a breakup I could see not talking to somebody for 10 years and being like wow This person's really changed because life will do that to you It matures you it finds it it finds a way of humbling you and and turning you back into a real person You're not Pinocchio anymore. You know, you're just who you are now. I get that on that level but No, not two years into it not Not even a little

Absolutely. I would say, you know, long periods of time, I would absolutely think that you changed a little. You know.

long periods of time I think you change quite a bit because you've been tweaking it for 10 years and trying to get it right and getting the lessons and you'll get repeated lessons of the same situations so that you you know you're actually finally different but like let's be realistic why do you want to put yourself through that I I personally because I've been stalked lately are well maybe we shouldn't say stalked I've been

Looked at?

looked at under a microscope, whatever, you know, had a bunch of downloads on on the podcast so that you could hear exactly what's going on in my world. And by the way, nobody's heard shit, to be honest with you. So my life is good and it's full and what I get what I give you guys here in an hour is a crumb to what is really happening in my world. And you'll never know because it's my world. But

Mm-hmm.

If got all that time, why don't you go save a planet? Save the planet, plant a tree, go clean out the ocean, do some dog walking for an old lady. Like, if you got that much time to sit in stock, what are you doing with your life? Like, that should be, look at you. What are you doing? You're better than that. Do something different. my life is not all that, all that like...

Mm-hmm.

interesting you know it's not i'm having a damn good time but that's for me like looking at somebody from the outside looking at me i'm like why would they bother

Correct. Yeah, I just don't think I'm that special. I'm kind of a simple cuss, so like.

Me neither. Me neither.

And if we were that special, the people would still be around us. So why are they bothering? I'm so, I'm so like, it's funny to me and I'm so, I don't get it. I don't get it. Like, how did you not learn this already?

Yeah.

If you don't like something, stay the hell away from it. If I don't like my fingers getting burnt, I definitely don't use my hands to turn over a tortilla. I'll get the tongs. Like, you should learn how to get past it, not caught up in it. Why would you get tar on your hands? That's what my ex would tell me.

Yeah, I mean. I mean, it's kind of true because. You're you're just asking. To hurt yourself. Like don't do your best not to and and like at the end of time, you know your life. You'll I think a lot of it has to do to that if.

Mm-hmm.

If, mostly from a relationship standpoint, if someone starts dating someone right away and you stay single, then that's when it generally happens. But generally when both people have somebody, that's when it fully ends. Because care is not there anymore. You're like, okay, well, I got somebody now. I'm moving the fuck on.

Yeah, but you know what even even the people that might go from one relationship to the next They're not fixing anything. They're not they're not mending their broken heart They're not looking at where they should where they should change their their beliefs or their actions or anything like you don't learn anything from jumping out of the frying pan into the fire if You're not taking a minute. You should probably look and see why

Yeah, I mean you have to heal yourself that's for sure. You know you have to definitely

Mm-hmm.

You know. Mm hmm. Right. And you know, sometimes you end up in something that is worse than the last one.

You have to go through the process. There's no shortcuts to fixing yourself. You just have to go through the whole process.

right because you didn't stop and think about what you were doing.

Correct. That's a hundred percent. You know, but those are the things that you don't know. And like I said, from the outside looking in as a stocking or looking at profiles or even asking friends, because I think that's another, you know, I've seen a friend of mine there soon to be ex was

be friending current friends that to see, know, to try to get information, which is just, you know, a whole nother part of.

Mmm.

You should be ashamed of yourself doing that. Like in all honesty it just shows like, well, your life isn't better without me. I won. That's what it shows me.

Mm-hmm. And at the end of the day, like, again, you're just gonna find out shit you really don't wanna know.

Mm-hmm.

You're just, and then, then what? Then you find that out and then you're, you're mad and you're pissed. And then it's a whole other, it's a whole other monster of, of destroying yourself and it's not healthy. And if you think it's already happening, it probably is. So it's like, just go on.

Mm-mm.

It is. Yeah, it is.

It's okay. It's, it's all right to move on. And again, I'm a big fan of the blocking. You know, if someone you know is looking, block them. It's okay. Like there's nothing to be ashamed about with that. It's like, I'm moving on. You should be moving on. Everyone will be okay. And then I think later on in life, if, if, you know, things prohibit, you can

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Maybe build a friendship again because you've both moved on and matured. So there's nothing wrong with that. you know. Yeah, and just just be OK with it. Be OK with being who you are and how things happen. There's nothing wrong with that, but. It's not to me, it's just not healthy long run. You're just hurting yourself. And. So what are you really getting out of it?

and didn't act like a stalking fool.

Mm-hmm.

You know what I mean? Like, you're just not getting anything out of it long run, except just a headache, you know, and heartache in most of the time. So just don't. Or here's here's a bet. Here's the bigger thing. Let's let's end this show on a on a reality thing. If you really want to know, fucking call somebody.

Mmm. Yeah, quit being a stubborn fool and fix what's broken. You're right on that. You're absolutely right on that.

Yeah, it just call them and say, I was just wondering what's going on. I know we haven't talked in forever. you you know, or or even if you don't call, reach out, reach out to somebody and just go, hey, I'm just wondering how you're doing. You know, this isn't me trying to to get back with you. It's just a check in to say, hey,

They got love songs about that.

Yeah, but I even think that's okay. As long as it's done with the right mentality of like being true to yourself that you're doing it for no ulterior motive. Like I just want to make sure you're doing okay. And then you'll generally you'll get the answer. The answer is like, yeah, I'm doing well and this is what's going on. And you know, this is where I'm at. Perfect.

Because if you really give a shit about the person, you'll be okay with them being better.

That's okay. Or you won't. But okay, but then if you're not, then you really know you shouldn't be listening and looking.

Or you won't. Or you won't.

Yeah.

then you know it's over and it's okay to be done. There's nothing wrong with being done either. I think that there's, that's the bigger thing too. Like.

Mm-mm.

It's freeing to be done. It is.

It is and it's also freeing to tell them you're done.

It's okay to go to the person that you are with and just go, look, I don't feel that way. Sorry. Like, you know.

No sorry, quit saying sorry if you're not sorry. You know what I mean? I don't agree with you. Well, we're just gonna have to agree to disagree. You know, it's it's not a this isn't a sorry life and everybody says sorry all the time. But sorry means you won't do it again. So if you're if you're offended by something I said or did well, you know, put on your big girl panties, it's gonna happen again. Because I'm not gonna not be me.

Correct. Right. I think more from a I'm talking maybe like a relationship standpoint where it's just like, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. Just life has gone on. And it's that's it. And it's okay.

And if you're offended, that's your cha-cha.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I think I think the sorry is more for like if you see something I'm sorry that you have to see it but I'm I've moved on so it's it's okay It's just that's just the way of the world. I think social media has ruined a lot of Just a lot of things it's like it's too easy to Get into someone's life, even though like we've said before that life is probably

Mm-hmm.

90 % not real.

Yeah. Well, you're only seeing a picture or like a little tiny snippet of one day in their life and not every minute of every day is going to be miserable so that you're happy with them. Like that's not the way life works.

because you're only seeing the best parts.

Right. And generally if you know them, you know that that's also the truth. Like we said, like nine times out of ten, you know who the shitty person they are.

Mm-hmm.

And if, and if they're a shitty person, the stuff you're seeing is them putting a mask on how shitty they are. You know what I mean? So at the end of the day, shitty people are going to stay shitty. They're just, they, that doesn't change. Their, their core beliefs don't change who they are generally doesn't change. So.

Yeah.

Look, I would say it is best for you to move on and get over things. And if it is best for you at the end of the day to not talk to somebody and not be in their life, do it because it's better for you.

Yeah, either get over it fix it or completely get it out of your life Period

Mm-hmm.

Correct. I would say fix it. I'm a big thing of like, you know, and to me, fixing it can also be that, hey, this is the way I feel about you. It's better that we don't talk. To me, that's fixing it. It's like, I have no problem with it.

That's resolution, because you're saying, I'm not going to do this with you anymore. There's nothing wrong with that.

least everybody knows where they stand.

Yeah, no, exactly. And I think that that, again, that is the biggest resolution you can have. And at the end of the day, people end up happier and or fix it. Like I want you in my life. I want this to work. I want this to be a relationship.

Even though it's only going to be a certain kind of relationship. You know, if you're in love with somebody, you can't be friends with them. I think it's very difficult. It's very, very difficult. So if you're in love with somebody and they have moved on, you have to find a way to move on. You just have to slowly unlove them and you'll move on. You know, you can't carry

Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

that kind of thing around with you. It's the ultimate baggage and... Right, it's going to affect your life forever if you continue to be like that. It's just, that's just a fact. So, and stocking is never going to let you be free of that person.

Plus it'll only make you make the same mistake over and over and over.

Mm-hmm.

right?

My thing is if you're going to go back and look at profiles, you better not be in love with them anymore because that's going to be the only way where you can stand back and fully say, I'm happy for them because you've moved on as well and found whatever it is that you need.

Better yet, put down your damn phone or the computer and go take a walk or go get in the pool or do whatever the hell you gotta do so that you're not like sitting there in misery by yourself regretting life. Like stop doing that.

I agree. think the best thing you can do is fill your time with other things and other people. Yeah, new friends. I think friends are like the best thing that yeah, finding a way to to move on with something different. Once you once you do that, it makes things much easier to.

productive things.

Mm-hmm.

really forget about people or move on from people. you know, and once you're there, it's a great feeling actually. It's a great feeling to just go, or see somebody's pictures and go, yeah, they're doing well. And then it ends at that. And that's a big thing. Or like I said, if you text somebody and you really mean like, hey, I'm just seeing where you're at.

Absolutely.

It's nice to hear, you know what I'm doing good. It is and then you feel totally different. You're like, great. I actually am glad you're doing well because you've moved on and you're good. So I think that's a that's a nice thing to hear. But I don't know.

Mm-hmm

Mm-hmm.

I think it is too, because when you see they're moving on, it's a lot easier for you to move on as well.

For sure. mean, I was a little luckier that in my marriage, like, my ex-wife ended up getting married, like, five or six years later. But she started dating someone, like, not too long after. So it was like, okay, well, I guess it's time for me to just see the reality. You know?

Okay.

Yeah.

So it actually helped me, think. I think long run, just like, okay, it's time to move on. Life happens. And it's supposed to. And when everybody realizes that, it's a much bigger picture. Mostly from a marriage standpoint, I think once you realize that everyone's moving in a different direction, great, no big deal.

And it's supposed to.

So yeah, life does, and it does. And I just told somebody this the other day, know, life goes on because it has to. It just has to. And once you realize that that's the easier way of looking at it, it's like, oh yeah, it'll go on. That is 100 % correct.

Yeah, life goes on.

Well.

The only thing that doesn't change is change.

And as long as you realize that part, you're going to be okay. know, everyone involved will be okay. I know that that's, you know, when you're getting a divorce or going through a breakup, you know, it's hard to see the positive. It just is. you know, I don't want to say that it was easy for me, but once I had that epiphany or that wake up call,

Mm-hmm.

Man did it get easier. Mm-hmm.

See, and for me, the time everything, you know, when people are out of my life or when they're leaving, I'm so beyond just tired that I just kind of go, okay, you know, let's work with this because they made a decision. Now I could breathe. And I don't know, it's kind of liberating, to be honest with you.

Yeah, exactly. I feel the same way where you just finally go, okay. Yeah. And you don't question it anymore. I like that part of it. You just don't. You stop questioning yourself about it and you go, look, and I think both me and you are a very similar thing when it comes to this. And if you make your way back to my life, I'll be here. I won't be the same.

I have to go to the

Mm-mm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-mm.

I won't be the same, but I'm willing to let you be in my life as long as, you know, we talk it out. I... That's what I mean by not being the same. Yes, correct. Correct. And I think that that's...

Yeah.

Not that you won't be the same, you won't live the same situation again.

Yeah, it's not, you're not gonna get, you're not gonna get the love you got the first time, but you'll have what I'm willing to give you this time.

Generally a very fair thing to do You know, I can't I'm not gonna let you break me again Correct I know I'm also a true believer that like the second time around if Let's say relationship. Let's not say a friendship or a family relationship because I think those are two totally different things a

Mm-hmm.

Well, not only that, you didn't like it the first time. So don't expect it this time.

relationship, sometimes you have to leave the relationship, get burned, and then realize that what you had was was good. But when you come back to that, you have to realize that that might not be there anymore. Yeah, where a friendship, friendships are very bizarre because like, mostly, I think young really, young friendships where like, me and my best friend beat the shit out of each other in his backyard. Like, and I mean, literally.

Different time.

Mm-hmm.

This isn't like ha ha ha don't like we were rolling in the fucking dirt and leaves and throwing haymakers The next day I went back over there was like, yeah, do. I'm sorry like so I think you know short-term stuff is very easy to fix where a Long friendship like now me and him have been friends 40 years. It's like we giggle about that kind of shit where

to

Yeah.

It's just a different kind of thing where friendships I think are generally roller coaster rides as young people. Where like now we just, we would never even let it get that far. I'd be like, nah, we're not doing that shit, dude. Come on. Like, let's not even get that far. Like relax. Like we're good. So, and then family relationships are a whole other.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

a whole other bag of wax. I can't, I can't even, those are more difficult, I think, to come around to. You know, like I had issues with my mom. So that one was, I nipped it in the bud really quick so it didn't have to get there. But I've heard stories about like mother-in-laws. my goodness.

Like, my goodness, like shit that I couldn't believe. Right. Yeah, you do. But what I'm saying is that like it can it can bury people. Like. Yeah.

Yeah.

I my my ex I said you should really consider not marrying me knowing who my mom is. Like, because she's gonna be in our life giving you the business. But he learned how to handle it.

It could bury a relationship quick.

You know, the best kind of mother-in-law, and I mean this wholeheartedly and in the best way possible, is one that doesn't live in the same city as you. Because at least there's that. Ooh, yes, that can get you. That can get you. Mine lived with me for a little while, and I, look, I can't.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

but that they don't live so far that they have to stay with you for extended periods of time. Yeah. You got some feels on that one.

I would love to say I could shit on my ex-mother-in-law, but I can't. She was a good lady. She passed away, unfortunately, but she was a good lady. She took care of my kids. She was always, she was just a good lady. I can't say anything bad about her, but it is difficult. Even though they're good, it's difficult to have them in your house. You know what I mean? So like, I couldn't imagine having a shitty mother-in-law or father-in-law in the same house.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, it would just be, it would, you know, tear you apart. Yeah, could you, I couldn't imagine. I wouldn't want to come home. It's already bad enough when you have a mate that you don't want to come home to. Could you imagine having to come home to your mate that you're having issues with plus the mother-in-law or father-in-law? Yeah, fuck that. That would, yeah.

Yeah, me neither, because I had the best.

all bad all the time

No.

No, no, can't say that I do.

That's funny.

That'll drive you to divorce. What do know? What's your last thing to say on this lovely subject? We've we've gone an hour. It's been a while since we did our show. Yeah, I mean, truly, that's probably true with me. If you listen to this show, you're probably going to hear.

Mm-hmm.

Well, if you're watching me, keep watching me, because I'm sure I'll do more shit that makes you mad.

especially if you know us and you don't like us already. Please keep listening.

Yeah. And or and in my case, you're probably going to hear stories about you. Because that's just who I am and I'm not going.

And see for the most part, I don't give a shit to tell your story, so I'll do everything I can not to.

I yeah, I don't mean to say stories. I just think that you're going to be used as a beacon of my life. Yeah, that's just. That's how things are in it. I. And if and if you don't like that, probably not the best idea to listen. But. But generally, you know, I've I've been in me and you both don't.

A reference, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

We don't pad things very well. Like we don't, like we just, they kind of.

But we don't want to. You get it the way we see it and that's that.

Yeah, I unfortunately will vomit shit out and that's just the way I am and Yeah, I know it's but it's true, you know what I mean? Like verbal I verbally vomit and I and then I'm I'm getting more and more like you to where if it's not within like two or three weeks I don't remember And you know, and I've had a friend currently

That sounded so gross, by the way.

Mm-hmm.

listening to old shows. And she's like, Well, you said this and I was like, I did.

You could take any piece out of anything that either Rob or I have said and turn it into something completely different and and if you want to do that knock yourself out, but don't expect us to be able to say we said that because You took it out of context

Correct. yeah. And then now what I say is like if someone says that to me I go I need the show number. Because I don't know what I said. look.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

And see if you do that to me, I just go, and?

Right, but or I this is what I try to say now. You gotta give me the context. Because I don't know. I I say shit all the time and who knows what or or it's not about you. That's the other thing. Wrong person. Right, you're listening to something and it's not even about you and.

Mm-hmm.

Why are you getting worked up about this?

Yeah, my life before you is not up for negotiation.

Right and and but I've said that to people. Thankfully I'm like look that's not you. And they were like I was like I'm not sorry like that isn't you. It's this person from even longer ago. So you know. Or it's about my ex wife and I just didn't say it at the time. So. But yeah I mean look people are going to stalk you. People are going to look and that's just the way it is. Unfortunately in the.

time we're in or just don't have social media anymore. Yeah, and and look, it's just gonna happen. It's just gonna happen. You know, I don't I do my best not to not to. Pooh-pooh on people.

Huh? Well I don't do much of that either, so... But, if I can make you upset because you're listening to something that I put out not for you, but it's happening, well kudos to me!

But it's probably going to happen. You know. Yes, ma'am. And I that I got to eat. I'm like I'm famished and I don't feel good. So maybe. I yeah, probably probably some sleep. Not too long after this. OK, you can check out all social media is that Facebook, all that shit that we've just been talking about. You can check us out on there.

Yeah, it happens, but we need to wrap this up because we're at an hour and five.

Me too.

Time to go to bed.

Stuck is there Stuck is there

Stock us there, Actually, stock us more there because it'd be nice to hear more about that, like say things. And you can check us out on pretty much anywhere you podcast, but Spotify, Apple, or the Biggies. And it's the Pinnies Show. get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. For Tina, I'm Rob. We'll see you later. Bye.

See ya!