Stephanie grew up in a very wealthy family in South Carolina and you’ll hear discuss the family’s fortune, but pause before you pass judgment on how easy life must have been. Her story is filled with manipulative behavior, malicious intentions, and a foundation created from lies. You’ll also hear Stephanie’s intelligence and tenacity to get her through the tough times as she learned the truth about her adopted family’s feelings towards her, the story of how she arrived in her aunt’s care, and the tough road to connect with her sister.

Read Full TranscriptDamon:                       00:04               I’m going to say at the time I really didn’t want to meet her. My life was pretty torn up as it was, but the reason I said yes is I thought, what if this is the only chance I have? What if? What if this is it? There’s no more chances.

Voices:                        00:24               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Damon:                       00:36               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Stephanie. She called me from Charleston, South Carolina. Stephanie grew up in a very wealthy family and you’ll hear her talk about the family’s fortune, the pause before you pass judgement on how easy life must have been. Her story is filled with manipulative behavior, malicious intentions, and a foundation created from lies. But you’ll also hear Stephanie’s intelligence and tenacity to get through the tough times as she learned the truth about her adopted families, feelings towards her, the story of how she arrived in her aunt’s care and the tough road to connect with her sister. This is Stephanie’s journey. Stephanie was born in upstate South Carolina in her adopted family. She was the oldest child and all of her siblings, except for her half brother are adopted. Adoption was part of their lives with adoption children’s books around that were red from time to time, but it wasn’t an open topic of discussion. In fact, quite the opposite.

Stephanie:                   01:48               My parents did not like talking about my adoption and it wasn’t that they ever told me you’re not allowed to ask any questions, but when I would start speaking about it, the only way I’ve known to describe it is it is like this thunderstorm suddenly came over my mother’s head and just the entire mood just changed. And I knew I was treading on thin ice. I was told the same kind of background stories as a kid. I was told by my aunt, my father’s sister, that um The way I came into the family is she had a friend who worked for social services and she went by one day to have lunch with her and there was this little child, this toddler sitting in a chair. And, um, she just said she thought I was so beautiful and her friends that I just have to finish up here before we go. I’m trying to find a home for this child, a temporary home. And um, my aunt said that she just immediately said, oh, well I’ll take her home with me. And that’s how I ended up with her.

Damon:                       03:04               Were you, did you tell me, were you, where did you fall? You said you had several siblings, others who were adopted. Where did you fall in the order of children?

Stephanie:                   03:15               I was the oldest, but I was not the first to be adopted.

Damon:                       03:19               Oh, interesting. Okay. So she had already adopted younger children than you?

Stephanie:                   03:27               Uh, well, the way it happened, I’m not sure that she wouldn’t have adopted me. Um, had she not already been involved in my life, my mother had she not already been involved in my life. Um, before she got her to start drops. So they were trying to have children and my mother had two ectopic pregnancies that nearly killed her. And so they looked into adoption. And the way she always told it was the doctor asked about bonding with a child that wasn’t naturally hers and she said she laughed him off and said, I have no problem bonding with animals that aren’t even of my species. So that won’t be an issue. Yeah. Which as a kid I just took, like I just took it for what it was, you know, that’s my mom. But being an adult, thinking about that, it’s, it’s odd.

Damon:                       04:21               Stephanie’s mother and father were both physicians well connect it in the hospital, maternity wards. And they had thought about adoption before.

Stephanie:                   04:29               And My mother told me the reason they didn’t take any of those babies as they were drug babies.

Damon:                       04:34               So Stephanie started to calculate in her mind her place with her mother. She figured out that her mother wasn’t just desperate for any baby because she told Stephanie flat out that she had rejected some children in need. So it made Stephanie feel like she was not on solid footing within the family. Later, Stephanie found out that her mother’s parents didn’t believe in adoption and that if a woman couldn’t have children, naturally that was God’s message, that you are not intended to have children. I assumed that meant her mother had gone against her parents’ religious beliefs. She said, that’s not the case at all.

Stephanie:                   05:09               It wasn’t a religious thing. My family is very snooty. They’re very affluent, wealthy.

Damon:                       05:15               But I keyed in on something Stephanie said earlier that her mother would not have adopted her if Stephanie wasn’t already in her life and that Stephanie was living with her aunt. So you were saying that basically they didn’t adopt some of the other children because they were drug babies and she really would not have adopted. You had not already been in your life. You were living with your aunt. So what is your relationship to your mother then

Stephanie:                   05:43               We’re very estranged.

Damon:                       05:44               What? But I mean, is there a direct relationship? Is…uh she, you are not her niece. You said you were living with your aunt, your aunt was a social worker and that’s it?

Stephanie:                   05:54               No. Um, my aunt on a social worker, she was in banking, but she, that’s the story she told me.

Damon:                       06:01               But that’s not true.

Stephanie:                   06:03               No, it’s not true.

Damon:                       06:05               They made it up.

Stephanie:                   06:06               Yeah, they made it up.

Damon:                       06:08               So what was life like then for you as a child? They feed you. It sounds like you were living under a cloud of deception that you didn’t even realize was there. Did you detect other things that sort of made you feel like your adoption was in any way fake or taboo or anything like that?

Stephanie:                   06:27               I definitely did. I don’t necessarily have specific examples, but my mom even said when I finally knew more about it as a teenager and I was just like flabbergasted. Just completely appalled that I also knew that I had to be very reserved because I wasn’t, my feelings weren’t acceptable and so I was, I was trying to let her know just how, how upset and um unsure this made me feel when I finally learned more things and she just said, oh, come on Steph. You always knew you were always the one asking questions. You always knew there was something up and just shut down the conversation. That was the last time she talked about that.

Damon:                       07:09               That was about 16 years ago when Stephanie was a teenager. I wondered how the adopted siblings dealt with their mother’s refusal to discuss adoption, but Stephanie says they never talked about it amongst one another, but one time her older brother was visiting and casually raised something that stuck with her.

Stephanie:                   07:26               He told me that if he were made, he would want to search for his birth mother.

Damon:                       07:31               Stephanie said she used to ask her mother about adoption in front of her siblings intentionally to have backup on the topic by trying to surround herself with others who were also impacted by her parents answers.

Stephanie:                   07:43               I do know that one time I asked the question and my sister was old enough to um, follow up. I know my mom didn’t like that, so my mom told me the usual story and then my sister pipes up, I think from the backseat. We were driving and asked her what she knows about her and she says, I know that your birth mother was 18 and your biological grandfather was some type of engineer and then a, that leads the way for my youngest sibling, my brother to ask something about him. And um, that’s when I found out that I always knew he was premature, but he asked what they knew and my mom said, well, we don’t really know much. She intended to keep you and you were born premature and she couldn’t afford the medical care. Even as a kid. Of course I didn’t say anything, but even as a kid I just remember my heart clenched. And uh, I didn’t know we were wealthy. My parents were very, um, they didn’t talk about money and it took awhile. I was pretty naive. It took a while for me to realize that you were a well off. I just thought, well, everybody has three homes and that kind of thing. But I knew that we were well off enough that we could help someone like that. And so I remember my heart clenching and I thought that’s just how sad, like I wonder why they couldn’t...