Embracing Authenticity in Coaching: Insights, Challenges, and Growth

Summary

In this episode, hosts Angie and John explore the multifaceted nature of authenticity in coaching.

They delve into the importance of being true to oneself and integrating unique strengths into coaching practices, while navigating the challenges of embracing imperfection and growing from mistakes.

Through a mix of personal anecdotes and references to renowned figures such as Mel Robbins and Brene Brown, the discussion highlights how genuine connection and vulnerability can lead to long-term success and trust in the coaching industry.

The hosts also address handling criticism and developing resilience, offering insights into maintaining consistent authenticity across personal and professional interactions.

The episode concludes with an introduction to their next topic: do coaches need coaches?

Keywords

coaching, authenticity, personal development, coaching styles, self-discovery, professional coaching, passion, public image, human connection, coaching community

takeaways

Authenticity is about being true to oneself as a coach.

Coaches often have different versions of themselves for different situations.

Self-discovery is a continuous journey for coaches.

Authenticity can create flow and rapport in coaching sessions.

It's important to allow imperfection in coaching.

Finding a niche that aligns with one's passion is essential.

Curating a public image can still be authentic.

Being human and relatable enhances coaching effectiveness.

Coaches should not fear criticism but learn from it.

Authenticity can lead to both supporters and detractors.

titles

Passion as a Pillar of Coaching

Curating Your Coaching Identity

Sound Bites

"What does authenticity mean to you as a coach?"

"You can't be yourself until you know yourself."

"You need to be prepared for the outcome that you expose."

00:00 Introduction: Defining Authenticity

00:39 The Full Angie Experience

02:20 Frameworks and Flow in Coaching

04:25 Learning from Mistakes

06:10 Finding Your Coaching Style

07:39 Balancing Authenticity and Adaptability

09:42 Passion and Authenticity in Coaching

12:19 Curating Your Public Image

23:04 Consistency in Coaching

26:13 Being True to Yourself

27:17 The Authenticity of Public Figures

28:25 Imposter Syndrome and Authenticity

29:46 Humanizing Authority Figures

32:14 Integrity in Coaching

33:32 The Shift in Coaching Industry

40:57 Handling Criticism and Authenticity

45:37 Personal vs Professional Identity

47:07 Conclusion and Next Episode Teaser

Angie.

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Angie: John.

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John: What

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does authenticity mean to you as a coach?

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Angie: Ooh, big question.

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I love it.

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Authenticity for me is being who I am as a

coach, No matter what the session brings.

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How about you?

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John: If we step aside from the

ways that the word has been perhaps

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overused and abused for me in essence,

it's about being true to yourself.

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Angie: All right.

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So then what does being

true to yourself look like?

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John: I usually am a little bit cheeky

and a dash of my dry English sarcasm.

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I mean, wit.

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How about you?

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Angie: Oh, if everybody

only knew how true that is.

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I think for me, it's definitely

giving the full Angie experience.

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John: The full Angie experience,

you hold some things back, right?

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Angie: Yeah, but the full Angie experience

is the full Angie as a coach experience.

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John: I got you, right.

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We have different versions of

ourselves for different situations.

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Angie: Yeah.

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It makes you wonder how we

managed to remain authentic.

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John: I agree.

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Shall we get into it?

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Angie: Absolutely.

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Let's start the show.

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John: Angie, I like this topic.

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I wanted to do this simply because, we

hear that word authenticity a lot, right?

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I mean, it's

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Overused definitely abused in the personal

and professional development world to

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some points it's almost become meaningless

And I don't think it's a word that ever

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could or ever should become meaningless

to people It really is about being like

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the oracle of Delphi said know thyself

and it's like when we know ourselves we

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can be ourselves but how is authenticity

relevant to you in your coaching practice?

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Angie: I think what I kind of said in the

beginning is really my truth in that is,

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you know, I have had experiences where

I'm in the middle of a coaching session.

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And I have to decide as a coach

what to do in that moment, right?

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So it could, and it's usually when I

hit a pain point with a client and you

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know, there's emotion or there's fear or

there's like withdrawal and, or anger,

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which we talked about, I had a client

that was like, you know, mother effing

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me and I was like, Oh no, no, no, no.

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But still like staying the course and

realizing I'm there for a purpose.

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I'm not there for the expensive cup of

coffee that I reference all the time.

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To really stay true to the course.

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John: I certainly see early days in

coaching where you're maybe more rigidly

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following frameworks or however, you've

learned to become a coach You may find

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yourself being a little less you and more

the frameworks or more the tool or the

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vehicle for the material rather than You

and your own intuition which you know can

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take time to develop some people I agree.

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I would say some people have that

more naturally and some people it

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takes a little while to develop

that but but it is at the point I

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would Maybe compare it to learning a

musical instrument or learning a song.

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Learning to play a song

on a musical instrument.

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That the first time, first several

times you play it through, It's gonna,

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it's not going to feel very natural.

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It's going to, you're going

to have to stop and start.

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You're going to have to take this out.

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It's not going to be smooth and it's

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not going to be particularly

wonderful to listen to either.

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But once you've learned that piece of

music, once you know, in fact, I'd say

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to the, for most musicians, once you

know it to the point where you don't

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need to look at the sheet music anymore,

that's the point at which it's in you.

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It's big, it's a part of you.

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And then you can inject yourself.

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Into that and I think it's there's

a similar thing with coaching here.

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Like you have to know what you're

doing well enough that you have to

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be able to dance the dance until the

dance dances you if that makes sense.

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Angie: Yeah.

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No, I think that's absolutely true.

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I think that's how we create flow.

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You know, I experienced this more

while I was training coaches.

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And they were, to your point, they

were learning a framework and I had

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to, cause right, I'm, I was in that

space of training them, but I was

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coaching them into the training, right?

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So I had to be mindful that they

weren't yet in flow because they were

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still learning the framework and I

looked for other cues from them, right?

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Did they have great followup questions?

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Did they start letting their

guard down a little bit?

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and take that time to read the session.

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Cause I think that's where the

authenticity, like you're saying, comes

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in and it creates that flow and rapport

and it really helps you to Figure out

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who you're going to be as a coach, right?

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So I think that's important for people

to realize that there's different

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ways to be authentic within not just

within a session, but as a coach,

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John: I also see I think I had some

experience with this myself really

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of There are certain people you're

probably going to come across that

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you'll think, oh, that's so good.

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They're so good at what they do.

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They're such good coaches.

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I know this has Come up for us before

but I want to be more like them that

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you could end up Modeling yourself a

little bit too much Or thinking that

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their way of doing it is the right way

of doing it and that you should be more

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like that we often tend to assume other

people are better at things than us or

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that other people have the right way

and we don't have it figured out right,

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Angie: right?

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I think in that same token, I've had

that experience where as I was coaching

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and training, I had, if I was showing

like an alternative response to a

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situation with somebody that I was.

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Mentoring or training.

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They tried to be Angie and I would

call them right out and go, you

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are, and it's not, I'm saying this,

so do not come at me everybody.

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But my answer was, you're not me yet.

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you are, you don't have that.

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You don't have that

confidence and conditioning.

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And if you do that or you say that in a

session, you're going to derail yourself

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because you don't know what to do and

say and how to follow up after that.

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And it could have been something like

making a bold statement or asking

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a bold question and going really?

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So what's the pain behind that?

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If you don't have the gumption to

carry that through, don't do that.

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So anyway, that's obviously

ultra specific, but it can

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work on the flip side, right?

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We're the coaching clinic, right?

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You and I are both coaches.

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We do different things.

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But I feel like there is a lot

of synergy between what we do

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because you know, you sound softer.

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I mean, I'm calling it out right

now, but you're not, you just don't

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have the New York, New Jersey.

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Arizona accent.

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John: But

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you

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do I lull people into a false sense of

security, It kind of does yeah, it's a

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bit of a It's a bit of a bait and switch.

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I agree because when we get into it like

people well, generally when people A

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lot of people end up working with you

privately have either already Worked

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with me in group settings before or

they're familiar with me From my podcast

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or from other stuff that i've done and

so That they already have that sense

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of they know there's a softness there,

but they also know You They're going

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to have their feet held to the fire.

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They also know it's I'm not going to,

never going to be mean about things.

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I'm going to be very pragmatic.

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We kind of stay on a, mostly

stay on a level with it.

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So yeah, it's but for those people

who maybe have come to me and not

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known what I was like, yeah, I

think they probably do feel it's

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good in a sense, because I'm not.

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I do feel that helps

people to naturally open up

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I I feel it's like creating that

safe space for them to be able

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to do that and And again, it's

not when I say bait and switch.

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I'm not really lying about who I

am or what I do that's just how we

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we're leading into some of the deeper

work that we're going to do later

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Angie: Yeah.

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I, something you said earlier, the quote

that you brought forth is, you can't

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be yourself until you know yourself.

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So if you are a newer coach, You

need to, and it's not something

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that I think that you can like just

go, Oh, I want to be this coach.

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So let me be that maybe, right.

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You might pick up bits and pieces of

other coaches that you see and you go,

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okay, what was it about the way Angie

said what she said that made me want to

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kind of put that into my, what was that?

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Oh, she was being direct.

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So if that's something that

resonates, then you say, okay am I?

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You know, cause it's a skill, right?

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You can learn the skillset, right?

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And then kind of start putting all

the ingredients of the recipe to make

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the who you want to be as a coach.

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I'm still learning that even after all of

these years, it's not like you're going to

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arrive at this specific space as a coach.

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You know, you're going to keep

learning and you're going to shift.

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Ongoing because that's how you as

a coach, you will grow, but I'm

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still authentic because I'm still

direct no matter what I'm learning.

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And I'm always like, I'm always keeping

the client top of mind, not my own agenda.

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And that's a big piece of my own

authenticity is that I do hear them.

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I do listen.

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And it's not what I think

it's supposed to be.

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And I think a lot of coaches

run into that as a little bit

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of a little speed bump, right?

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Because of expectations and things that

we've talked about on previous episodes.

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But so for you, How do you know,

I, this is what I'm curious, how

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do you actually know when you're in

a session, not reflecting, right,

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when you're in it, whether you're

really being authentic or not?

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John: It is the small voice that comes

up in the back of my head of am I gonna

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ask the question or to give the response

that I feel I should give that's the

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one to give or am I gonna be diplomatic

or I'm gonna am I gonna hold back so

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yeah that really for me is telling me

whether I'm authentic or not and look

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to be honest with you are coaching

situations that I even still have now

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where i'm not full on John basically where

i'm kind of like a Curated more curated

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version of myself because i'm supposed

to fit in with someone else's model As

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well, so I can't go full out all me.

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I have to also be

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so some degree the voice of The people

who I'm working with or representing.

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So, so there are elements where I

might hold back and not say some of

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the things that I might would say

if a client had actually come to

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me directly, but if a client's gone

to someone else directly, they may

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want some slightly different things.

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And so there is a different version

of how I show up, but we, This is the

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thing about we all have these different

versions of ourselves for how we show

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up in different circumstances, whether

some people may not agree with that,

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but this idea that I've often seen that

being authentic is being your true self

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in every situation, no matter what.

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It's I'm sorry I'm not the same

person in my professional life

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that I am in my personal life.

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I'm not the same.

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Angie: lie right there, folks.

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No.

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If

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you heard the conversations

before we record, now I'm joking.

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John is pretty

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John: Kind of, kind of, but if you, if

we were out, if we were out on a Friday

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night in some bars and stuff, we're going

to be very different to if we're sat in

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a business meeting or a coaching session,

you know, there were different versions Of

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ourselves for different situations.

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And there should be the thing that I'm

going to say is I do feel more now,

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whilst there's been an evolution there.

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And there are times when

I see aspects of coaches.

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I think I'd like to be

a bit more like that.

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I'd like to bring that element more into

my coaching and I will move to do that.

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It doesn't always go smoothly, but

you know, I will move to do that.

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If I think it's important for

my development because that

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still becomes part of who I am

and still being true to myself.

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But,

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Angie: what?

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Give me an example.

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Cause I'm curious.

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John: let's say, okay, let's

take an example of, you talked

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about directness earlier on.

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So, I certainly knew early on in

my coaching days that there were

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some coaches who were really good

at the being super direct and and

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what would I say maybe even a little

provocative in their coaching style.

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I really like it.

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But i'm not great at it.

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I could do it I have to have the

right circumstances and I Really

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have to have the permission and

the rapport to be able to do it.

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And I think everyone probably does So

the first time I tried it in a coaching

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session, it didn't go smoothly It was

necessary the code it was necessary in

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the session, but it didn't go smoothly

So When you have someone crying on the

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other end of the line because you've

suddenly become really You know Direct

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with them, you maybe know it's like, all

right, I may have derailed this session.

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Maybe this wasn't the

right approach in this

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Angie: Wait a second.

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And I'm going to counter that because this

is where, I mean, I wasn't there, right?

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So I'm going to trust that you're

evaluating it post session, right?

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And I trust you.

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Okay.

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It's not the goal to get

everybody to cry, right?

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It's not a goal, but obviously unless

you insulted them, which I'm not hearing

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like, Oh, John, you insulted them.

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So of course now they're crying.

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But you probably did a great job, right?

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And brought them to a place

where that needed attention.

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So that's what I'm saying with people.

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It's like you need to be prepared

for the outcome that you expose.

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Whatever it is that you expose, You

need to be prepared to be able to handle

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that, and I'm not saying you did or you

didn't, but that's the point, right, is

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kind of going, I, obviously, I touched

a nerve, and maybe it's relevant,

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maybe it's not right now, but I just

uncovered something with this person.

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Now, how do I get them

from, you know, sobbing

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John: look

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Angie: into,

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John: I'll tell you why I think it

was probably wrong in that situation.

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Now I would ask for permission

to give some authentic feedback

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some direct feedback if that's

okay Are you open to hearing this?

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It's going to be a little uncomfortable.

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I would say that I didn't say this

then That particular feedback in that

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situation came from my own frustration

with the client not from anything else

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kind of where that's kind of

where I knew it wasn't great.

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It hasn't but haven't done that again

since I learned from that mistake,

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but that's why I think yeah, maybe

it wasn't You know, I think maybe

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my frustration came through in that

which is probably what made it worse,

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Angie: well, listen, I want to point that

out to the people that are listening.

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We're not here to be perfect.

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You know, I, you know, anybody who

works with me, I tell them, just get

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that word out of your vocabulary.

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It's an awful word.

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It shouldn't exist because

it doesn't exist, right?

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So the beauty of what

you just said is that.

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You did something.

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Your goal was to do one thing.

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You did something.

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It didn't go the way you wanted.

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And that's how we grow.

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You have to allow yourself as a

coach to part of being authentic is

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not trying too hard to be perfect.

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It's okay to make the mistakes

because what did John just say?

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I never did that again.

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So he learned from what he perceived

as this wasn't good or how I did it or

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what piece of it wasn't a good idea.

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And then took that forward and said,

okay this is what I'm never going to

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do again, because it didn't work the

way I wanted or wasn't my intention.

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So now he's got a new skill

that he brings to his sessions.

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So that's, I think, a really, probably

something we didn't think about,

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but that's why we're here, right?

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We're talking all these things

out, but you know, to allow

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that imperfection to happen.

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It's part of being authentic.

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John: I do

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feel I know this came up before I do

feel that we can sometimes perhaps

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even have an image in our head of what

an ideal coach should be like or what

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they should sound like how they should

be showing up for each session and the

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reality is there isn't one there isn't

a perfect like you say there isn't and

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there isn't an ideal there is just For

you as for you listening as a coach or

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if you're watching us on YouTube, hi but

if you are a coach, this is about you

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being who you need to be when you show

up there, not you being what you think

295

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a good coach should be like, what you

think you should be like as a good coach.

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And I think there is a distinction there.

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You have your own natural strengths,

you have your own natural abilities,

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you have your own, you have things that

you're naturally not good at, and you

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have to evaluate whether you need to

get good at them, or whether you need

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to leave those things for other people,

and say, okay, that's something I'm

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not good at, let's step away from it.

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It is about it's kind of is about knowing

yourself and working with your strengths

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as much as you can and shoring up The

weaker areas that you do need in your

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practice as well But that thing of being

authentic yourself is if you are Let's say

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you're naturally good at helping people

around their relationships And you're

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trying to wedge yourself into corporate

coaching because you think it's going to

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be better paid That's not really being

authentic or true to yourself and I think

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you're gonna you're going to you might

be able to do it But you're not going

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to feel the level of fulfillment or even

truth to yourself Knowing that you're

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not doing what you're actually naturally

really good at and would probably enjoy

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far more you can pick whatever path you

want, but that's not the authentic path if

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you know that Naturally, i'm good at this.

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I enjoy doing it.

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I feel fulfilled for the work, but i'm

going to push myself here because money

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Angie: listen, I think what, you know,

what the carrot that is dangling in

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front of us I think is a big piece of it.

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I have heard many coaches

and speakers too, right?

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That have said.

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I'm going to do this because I

literally, because that's where

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the money is and that's okay.

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It's great to want to get paid for

your skills and for who you want to be.

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I would say to you that when I be,

I think that I've led a pretty.

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honest path, right?

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But I've grown and learned things.

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So when I started out as a co

trainer, manager, trainer, coach,

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mentor in the sales space, I had

no idea that for today, anybody who

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knows what I do as a coach, Right.

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I do leadership and all the things done

it for years, but now I have a little

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bit of a passion piece because why?

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Because I see women burning out.

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So there's a passion piece to my business.

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There's some piece of that.

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And I'm really in love with going into

that space and helping women navigate

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through all the things, all the balls

that they have to throw in the air

335

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while they're, you know, delivering

babies and cooking all at the same time.

336

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Okay.

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But those things happen

naturally and organically.

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If somebody asked me to go and facilitate

anything on and I've had this happen,

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and that's why I'm able to say it.

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Can you facilitate a conference,

a meeting in this tech space,

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like they were going to provide?

342

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I was like, absolutely not.

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No way.

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Anything pretty much like human related.

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I'm good.

346

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Right.

347

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But don't start talking to me

about, you want me to, I can

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deliver what's on a screen.

349

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Right.

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I can deliver.

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a process.

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But if somebody asks me a question,

we're dead in the water, right?

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Because, you know, I don't know your

software or I don't know, you know, what

354

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it is that you're really discussing.

355

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So no, I don't facilitate

things like that.

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And I don't coach, but that doesn't

mean But I can't coach people

357

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that work in that space, right?

358

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Because I'm not coaching them on that.

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I'm coaching them on the human element.

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So, you know, I think there's a lot of

truth to what you're saying, finding

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the niche, you know, you and I've

been doing, you know, I've been in

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development, personal and professional

development for ever, you know, 55 now.

363

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So you know, probably since

I'm 20 with a couple of little

364

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gaps in between, but not long.

365

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And even when I had a JOB, as I say.

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I was still doing that.

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I was still developing people, right?

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So it all kind of fits into the bag,

but doing something without any real

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passion or interest in it, is going

to be a disadvantage and it's going

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to affect how you coach for sure

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John: Yeah

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Angie: you're not authentic.

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John: yeah, and I was talking about

this in a recent newsletter that I

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put out and Same kind of thing that

has come up a number of times for me.

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We've had those clients who want to

You just want to focus on where they

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can make the most money and not think

about what's I think it's them but one

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of the things that I was pointing out

there is that this is in relation more

378

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to professional speaking, but if You

know, if you're something or where's

379

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the money right now right now, AI is a

really popular topic and you're going

380

00:22:03,147 --> 00:22:08,377

to go out there and speak about AI if

you're not interested in that, if that's

381

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not your area, you're going to struggle.

382

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You're going to probably not going

to have much credibility and.

383

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When you get to a hundred and seventeen

times of delivering the talk the

384

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same keynote that you're going to

be delivering or workshop on that.

385

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How are you going to

be feeling about that?

386

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You're going to be probably pretty

fed up with it and Same for kind

387

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of anything that you do if you're

not following a path of genuine

388

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authenticity, interest, passion for you.

389

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You're making life

harder for yourself more

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than anything else.

391

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You might think there's more

money there, but you know what?

392

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Let's say you actually wanted

to be that relationship coach.

393

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You can still make a shit ton of

money as a relationship coach.

394

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You can just look at esther peril She's

doing if I pronounce it incredibly, but

395

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she's doing incredibly well with that area

And I think that brings me to something

396

00:22:55,937 --> 00:23:01,137

else that's really important around

authenticity because how you show up In

397

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your like on social media or wherever else

398

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you're showing up Is

part of your marketing?

399

00:23:08,557 --> 00:23:09,047

So

400

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Angie: Yeah,

401

00:23:11,517 --> 00:23:15,867

John: you can either be slapdash about

that and just oh you know, just just

402

00:23:15,867 --> 00:23:20,997

gonna show up However, this is me or you

get intentional about it and you curate

403

00:23:22,407 --> 00:23:26,347

Which doesn't sound very authentic, but

you curate the version of you that shows

404

00:23:26,367 --> 00:23:31,297

up in those Like you have an image that

you particularly are going for That is

405

00:23:31,297 --> 00:23:36,667

still part of you, but it's a curated

part of you it's like this is what i'm

406

00:23:36,667 --> 00:23:40,817

looking to project and Have you see and

that's part of your marketing when it

407

00:23:40,817 --> 00:23:44,627

has to be an I've had people rail against

this idea this concept, you know, if

408

00:23:44,627 --> 00:23:49,597

you've ever come across Robert Green's

books which are all about influence and

409

00:23:50,097 --> 00:23:53,197

it has a book on seduction which you

know, they're probably everyone should

410

00:23:53,260 --> 00:23:56,897

check that one out, but But he has

some great books on what makes people

411

00:23:56,917 --> 00:23:58,687

influential or influential situations.

412

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He talks about this particular aspect

about Having these curated versions of

413

00:24:03,317 --> 00:24:09,622

ourselves for public profiles If you

think about pretty much every book big

414

00:24:09,652 --> 00:24:13,082

name, like if we think about if we were

to think about gosh I'm gonna think

415

00:24:13,092 --> 00:24:19,177

about names that everyone would know

Gandhi, Mother Teresa JFK, Martin Luther

416

00:24:19,177 --> 00:24:22,987

King, you know big globally known names

417

00:24:23,397 --> 00:24:28,657

Whatever we think or know of them

is Undoubtedly nothing like what

418

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they were really like as people

419

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We have curated versions of them

that get put out to the world And

420

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that's our image of them usually

421

00:24:38,682 --> 00:24:40,822

Angie: going to say

this because I do agree.

422

00:24:40,882 --> 00:24:42,872

I don't disagree really at all.

423

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And I think that a way for

people to understand this, like

424

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I am, you know, me personally,

425

00:24:51,237 --> 00:24:51,397

John: Yeah,

426

00:24:51,832 --> 00:24:57,162

Angie: but you don't really, you've never

seen me in a coaching session, although

427

00:24:57,162 --> 00:24:58,862

we coach each other all the time, right?

428

00:24:58,912 --> 00:25:00,802

Every time we talk, it's

like what about this?

429

00:25:01,442 --> 00:25:04,822

But you've never really

seen me in a session.

430

00:25:05,717 --> 00:25:12,947

But I think you would probably

be okay saying, I'm pretty sure

431

00:25:12,947 --> 00:25:15,617

Angie is who Angie is, right?

432

00:25:15,857 --> 00:25:20,627

She is the same person when

she's delivering a coaching

433

00:25:20,627 --> 00:25:22,317

session or speaking engagement.

434

00:25:22,547 --> 00:25:26,742

But the difference is there are pieces

that are more polished, that are more

435

00:25:26,797 --> 00:25:29,547

intentional, that are more practiced.

436

00:25:29,897 --> 00:25:31,257

So I'm still me.

437

00:25:31,982 --> 00:25:32,282

Right.

438

00:25:32,312 --> 00:25:35,242

I don't all of a sudden become

like the stuffed shirt and

439

00:25:35,612 --> 00:25:37,492

so tell me about your nap.

440

00:25:37,942 --> 00:25:38,422

Okay.

441

00:25:38,482 --> 00:25:39,212

That's not it.

442

00:25:39,422 --> 00:25:42,382

The thing I think that

is most authentic.

443

00:25:43,482 --> 00:25:48,232

So talking about like the curated

side is versus the everyday, right.

444

00:25:48,532 --> 00:25:56,052

Is that my energy is the same, the

energy I am as Angie, the full Angie

445

00:25:56,052 --> 00:25:59,082

experience, Part of that, or most of that.

446

00:25:59,447 --> 00:26:02,157

is my energy, how I show up.

447

00:26:02,347 --> 00:26:03,257

I'm consistent.

448

00:26:03,277 --> 00:26:08,297

And the reason why I'm able to be

consistent is because even though there

449

00:26:08,297 --> 00:26:13,537

are pieces that are polished and practiced

and honed, I still deliver it as me.

450

00:26:13,987 --> 00:26:15,160

I don't try to be John.

451

00:26:15,807 --> 00:26:17,997

I don't try to be, you know, other people.

452

00:26:18,027 --> 00:26:21,497

I just am me end of story.

453

00:26:22,157 --> 00:26:26,317

And I think it's almost how people

assign, like people think they

454

00:26:26,317 --> 00:26:28,167

know actors and actresses, right?

455

00:26:28,777 --> 00:26:32,377

They think they know them because

they've seen them in a part where

456

00:26:32,377 --> 00:26:36,787

they play the part so well that

you think, you know, them like

457

00:26:36,977 --> 00:26:38,687

that must be who they really are.

458

00:26:38,907 --> 00:26:42,667

And then you read about them like so

and so was an asshole or so and so was

459

00:26:42,667 --> 00:26:46,437

really nice, nothing like her bitchy

character, like whatever, right?

460

00:26:46,437 --> 00:26:51,747

We are still all human first, but

I would say that energetically,

461

00:26:52,787 --> 00:26:54,707

You know, I don't put on a show.

462

00:26:54,707 --> 00:27:00,667

I am who I am, and that is why I think

I'm able to do what I do to the level

463

00:27:00,667 --> 00:27:03,217

that I do it, because I am consistent.

464

00:27:03,217 --> 00:27:06,067

And that is the piece is that energy.

465

00:27:06,067 --> 00:27:07,867

So that's just my

466

00:27:08,027 --> 00:27:08,307

John: Yeah.

467

00:27:08,497 --> 00:27:08,557

Angie: it.

468

00:27:09,357 --> 00:27:10,757

John: No, I think you should trademark

469

00:27:11,057 --> 00:27:11,897

Angie: You're hilarious.

470

00:27:12,733 --> 00:27:14,705

John: And

471

00:27:14,705 --> 00:27:16,677

I

472

00:27:17,557 --> 00:27:21,087

agree if you think about maybe we've

talked a little bit about this before

473

00:27:21,087 --> 00:27:26,907

but probably pretty much the majority

of people who you might have heard of

474

00:27:26,907 --> 00:27:32,207

in personal and professional development

circles are And not necessarily the

475

00:27:32,207 --> 00:27:35,377

same person off stage as on stage.

476

00:27:35,387 --> 00:27:37,767

And I've certainly come across a

number of them who are very different

477

00:27:37,767 --> 00:27:38,867

characters off stage on stage.

478

00:27:38,907 --> 00:27:41,557

Like real performance when

they're on stage as to off.

479

00:27:42,057 --> 00:27:47,467

But I have certainly come across those who

are pretty much the same on and off stage.

480

00:27:47,507 --> 00:27:50,107

Now they might turn up the

dials when they're on stage

481

00:27:50,107 --> 00:27:51,483

and, they turn up their energy.

482

00:27:51,967 --> 00:27:54,377

But in terms of who they are

and who they're showing up as,

483

00:27:54,677 --> 00:27:55,767

they're pretty true to that.

484

00:27:55,767 --> 00:27:56,582

They walk their.

485

00:27:56,752 --> 00:27:57,652

They walk their talk.

486

00:27:58,062 --> 00:28:01,092

And there's a lot of people around who

don't, and it's one of the reasons why

487

00:28:01,122 --> 00:28:04,822

I tend now, which I wasn't in my early

days, tend not to be quite skeptical.

488

00:28:05,122 --> 00:28:06,312

It's you know, they might look good.

489

00:28:06,312 --> 00:28:06,932

They might sound good.

490

00:28:06,932 --> 00:28:10,792

There might be a great performer, but

I don't know yet early on if they're

491

00:28:10,792 --> 00:28:15,232

actually walking the talk and it matters

to me that level of authenticity.

492

00:28:15,282 --> 00:28:18,982

It would kind of be like being being

the preacher in a mega church and then

493

00:28:19,042 --> 00:28:23,172

going home and doing all the stuff

that is exactly the opposite of what

494

00:28:23,182 --> 00:28:25,082

you're teaching other people to do

495

00:28:25,582 --> 00:28:27,072

Angie: Listen, I'm going to be fair here.

496

00:28:27,072 --> 00:28:29,622

I mean, I used to go, I'm going

to say this for the record.

497

00:28:29,702 --> 00:28:34,922

I probably went through a lot of, I

would call it maybe imposter syndrome.

498

00:28:34,932 --> 00:28:38,302

Maybe when, like, how can I do?

499

00:28:38,332 --> 00:28:40,232

Cause I do relationship coaching.

500

00:28:40,582 --> 00:28:41,802

Hi, I've been divorced.

501

00:28:41,822 --> 00:28:44,742

And initially in my head,

the logic didn't make sense.

502

00:28:45,015 --> 00:28:48,575

How can you possibly be a relationship

coach if you've been divorced?

503

00:28:48,575 --> 00:28:51,115

And I'm like How about because

I've seen both sides of it

504

00:28:51,145 --> 00:28:52,865

and that's part of it, right?

505

00:28:52,865 --> 00:28:58,875

I still do some things that are very

specific to learn information, but I have

506

00:28:58,875 --> 00:29:02,375

an, I have a perspective that doesn't

make me better than somebody else.

507

00:29:02,765 --> 00:29:07,365

Because, again, I've coached people

that are work, that worked for NASA.

508

00:29:07,485 --> 00:29:11,395

I know nothing about their

world professionally, but I know

509

00:29:11,395 --> 00:29:15,045

about them as a human and that's

what I, that's what I focus on.

510

00:29:15,475 --> 00:29:21,575

But I think that you have to allow that

to fade away because we are imperfect.

511

00:29:21,685 --> 00:29:26,055

And I I've had clients that have been

like, I'm going to be in Arizona.

512

00:29:26,055 --> 00:29:26,935

I want to meet you.

513

00:29:27,275 --> 00:29:28,355

And I was hesitant.

514

00:29:28,765 --> 00:29:31,895

Because I don't even want them to

see how I drink a cup of coffee

515

00:29:32,195 --> 00:29:35,635

because there's an Angie image, right?

516

00:29:35,635 --> 00:29:39,865

There's an image that they have of me and

517

00:29:40,265 --> 00:29:41,155

John: and that's going to change

518

00:29:41,455 --> 00:29:44,425

Angie: and it's going to

change when I am humanized.

519

00:29:45,155 --> 00:29:46,855

You know, it's what we

do with ivory mount.

520

00:29:46,895 --> 00:29:48,435

I wait, here's one.

521

00:29:48,945 --> 00:29:50,135

I will never forget this.

522

00:29:50,155 --> 00:29:53,115

I was in probably fourth or fifth grade.

523

00:29:53,745 --> 00:29:57,265

And I had the same teacher, I

didn't get left back, but I had

524

00:29:57,265 --> 00:30:00,715

the same teacher, and this time

when I had her, she was pregnant.

525

00:30:01,715 --> 00:30:07,245

And I remember thinking it didn't

bother me, but I saw her differently

526

00:30:07,265 --> 00:30:12,795

because I looked at her as this

authority figure, not as a human, right?

527

00:30:12,815 --> 00:30:14,905

So now she's I've got the giant belly.

528

00:30:15,245 --> 00:30:18,415

And I was like, Oh, and

I don't know what it was.

529

00:30:18,445 --> 00:30:22,315

I can't even tell you what I was feeling

in the moment, but I remember if I

530

00:30:22,325 --> 00:30:27,605

had to, if I had to call it something

today, it was the fact that she was

531

00:30:27,605 --> 00:30:33,505

humanized or when I'm seeing my parents

strip up, they're now humanized.

532

00:30:33,595 --> 00:30:38,035

So I think that there are some

level of disconnect that we

533

00:30:38,045 --> 00:30:42,055

always want to, or we try to keep

between ourselves and our clients.

534

00:30:42,815 --> 00:30:48,915

Because, if we overly humanize

ourselves, we might lose some of that

535

00:30:49,899 --> 00:30:53,735

authoritative edge, the expertise.

536

00:30:54,105 --> 00:30:59,365

I don't want to know what my surgeon's

bathroom habits are, for example,

537

00:30:59,365 --> 00:31:01,314

I don't want to know any of that.

538

00:31:01,764 --> 00:31:06,264

What I just, because then it's, it

kind of, almost to me, takes away

539

00:31:06,264 --> 00:31:09,154

from the way I need to see him

540

00:31:09,964 --> 00:31:13,744

John: Yeah, I've never really understood

celebrity gossip and things like that,

541

00:31:13,974 --> 00:31:18,964

but I get why people are interested

in it but see that as a form of more

542

00:31:18,964 --> 00:31:22,264

than anything trying to Reach up to

these people and pull them down to

543

00:31:22,264 --> 00:31:23,824

a level that we can relate to them

544

00:31:23,824 --> 00:31:29,244

more at because they Their image is at

that higher level And so when people

545

00:31:29,244 --> 00:31:32,554

really do have a fall from grace as I

think we may actually you end up seeing

546

00:31:32,554 --> 00:31:36,174

them lower than us And probably they're

not going to come back from that on a

547

00:31:36,174 --> 00:31:40,624

professional sort of status kind of way

And it does relate so much to status

548

00:31:40,624 --> 00:31:44,884

here We have a status that we're aiming

for as coaches that we want to establish

549

00:31:44,884 --> 00:31:49,034

with the class but Realistically,

it has to fit into our integrity

550

00:31:49,744 --> 00:31:51,034

And you know, I don't know.

551

00:31:51,374 --> 00:31:55,684

I only know of one coach i've ever

come across that I know for sure Is

552

00:31:55,754 --> 00:31:57,974

officially diagnosed as a sociopath

553

00:31:58,444 --> 00:32:01,104

He owns it and he admits to it, but

I think still think he's probably a

554

00:32:01,104 --> 00:32:05,744

good guy doesn't necessarily mean that

you're an evil person but But I think

555

00:32:05,764 --> 00:32:09,564

for most people, if you are like

more leaning towards that low empathy,

556

00:32:09,564 --> 00:32:12,594

it's probably easier for you to act

outside of your integrity and not

557

00:32:12,594 --> 00:32:14,404

feel wracked with guilt for doing it.

558

00:32:14,654 --> 00:32:20,044

But for most of us if we act outside of

our integrity, that internal guilt, that

559

00:32:20,044 --> 00:32:24,454

feeling, the mismatch of who we are, who

would, what we're doing to who we are.

560

00:32:25,209 --> 00:32:30,569

Starts to change or starts to affect us

or pull us down And we will self sabotage

561

00:32:30,609 --> 00:32:34,639

to get ourselves to where we feel we need

to be or where we feel we deserve to be

562

00:32:34,639 --> 00:32:38,529

or what actually fits with our integrity

We won't let ourselves get as far as we

563

00:32:38,529 --> 00:32:42,899

need to get or if we do we'll have that

fall from grace because we're outside We

564

00:32:42,899 --> 00:32:46,569

know we're outside of our integrity and

we're heading for a fall at that point

565

00:32:46,599 --> 00:32:49,449

So The integrity pieces is so important.

566

00:32:49,469 --> 00:32:50,639

You know, I've spoken before.

567

00:32:50,639 --> 00:32:53,209

I saw when I knew in personal

development, I'm not going to give too

568

00:32:53,209 --> 00:32:56,619

much detail because you'd be able to

find out who it was, but had a real

569

00:32:56,619 --> 00:32:58,528

fall from grace and I saw it unwind.

570

00:32:58,569 --> 00:32:59,509

I saw him unravel.

571

00:33:01,039 --> 00:33:05,629

On stage in front of thousands of

people and you know, there were

572

00:33:05,639 --> 00:33:07,919

there was addiction issues there.

573

00:33:07,929 --> 00:33:13,369

There was Probably some mental health

issues going on as well And ultimately

574

00:33:13,419 --> 00:33:16,599

who was being and perhaps showing up

as to an audience was not the same as

575

00:33:16,599 --> 00:33:21,639

who he was and I think he Knew that

and that mismatch That thing of who he

576

00:33:21,639 --> 00:33:27,139

was kind of pretending to be Acting as

rather than who he actually was and knew

577

00:33:27,139 --> 00:33:31,849

he actually was You eventually was the

cause of the downfall in my opinion.

578

00:33:32,569 --> 00:33:36,049

Angie: I wanna say something about

that because, I think authenticity

579

00:33:36,049 --> 00:33:38,839

in coaching and you guys hear John

and I talk about speaking 'cause

580

00:33:38,839 --> 00:33:40,699

we're both public speakers as well.

581

00:33:41,149 --> 00:33:42,289

So we talk about that.

582

00:33:42,289 --> 00:33:43,909

There's a big overlap for us.

583

00:33:43,909 --> 00:33:49,669

But the thing that's changing

and shifting in the industry is.

584

00:33:50,079 --> 00:33:56,479

It used to be you had to, coaches

very much were, I'm a coach and

585

00:33:56,479 --> 00:34:00,929

they did almost give off this I'm

not even human kind of like energy,

586

00:34:00,969 --> 00:34:03,559

back to that, sorry, or whatever.

587

00:34:03,709 --> 00:34:12,619

But coaches now that are getting

the most traction are the ones who

588

00:34:12,619 --> 00:34:16,129

are able to say, I screwed this up.

589

00:34:17,409 --> 00:34:19,109

I've seen Mel Robbins do it.

590

00:34:19,129 --> 00:34:20,688

I've seen Tony Robbins do it.

591

00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:22,259

I've seen Brendon Burchard do it.

592

00:34:22,679 --> 00:34:25,119

I've seen some pretty, whether

you like them or you don't,

593

00:34:25,199 --> 00:34:26,619

I've seen some big people,

594

00:34:27,018 --> 00:34:27,978

Brene Brown.

595

00:34:28,289 --> 00:34:33,629

Marie Forleo, who I love the thing that

they're able, the reason why they're

596

00:34:33,649 --> 00:34:39,739

able to connect with us and why,

you know, they've catapulted to fame

597

00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:43,828

is their ability to say I hear you.

598

00:34:43,889 --> 00:34:45,208

I understand.

599

00:34:45,489 --> 00:34:49,879

So they've you know, they've shifted

that path for us as coaches where it's,

600

00:34:49,949 --> 00:34:52,809

Oh, it's more okay for us to be human.

601

00:34:53,279 --> 00:34:56,349

I had somebody that I

worked under for a while.

602

00:34:56,359 --> 00:35:04,749

She was a mentor and she had listened

to one of my calls and came back and

603

00:35:04,759 --> 00:35:07,619

one of my clients had suffered

a death in the family.

604

00:35:07,984 --> 00:35:11,954

And she was very distraught, and it was,

very soon after, and at the beginning

605

00:35:11,954 --> 00:35:16,944

of the session, I was like, I'm so

sorry, I'm so sorry to hear this.

606

00:35:17,454 --> 00:35:21,044

And I said, do you need to

reschedule this session?

607

00:35:21,144 --> 00:35:24,844

Would that be, cause now, two things

could happen in this scenario.

608

00:35:25,234 --> 00:35:26,804

I could help push her through it.

609

00:35:27,844 --> 00:35:28,404

Or

610

00:35:30,584 --> 00:35:31,914

do what she needs to do.

611

00:35:32,154 --> 00:35:36,134

And in the session, this client

said, you know what, I'd really

612

00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:39,224

appreciate it if we leave this today.

613

00:35:39,274 --> 00:35:41,494

I'll be back next week,

but I need a minute.

614

00:35:42,494 --> 00:35:47,224

And the person that was listening was

like, why did you let that happen?

615

00:35:47,224 --> 00:35:49,104

It should have been this

it should have been that.

616

00:35:49,424 --> 00:35:53,734

And I, and my answer was, because

it didn't feel right, I could have

617

00:35:53,734 --> 00:35:56,284

said, Hey, but I'm not a therapist.

618

00:35:56,284 --> 00:35:59,194

So I didn't want to sit and talk about

like, why do you feel sad about that?

619

00:35:59,374 --> 00:36:02,244

Because somebody that was

important to them just passed away.

620

00:36:02,464 --> 00:36:05,734

I don't need to bring

them deeper into that.

621

00:36:06,224 --> 00:36:11,104

And that was a really big defining

moment for me as a coach, where

622

00:36:11,264 --> 00:36:15,154

I said to myself, I'm never going

to dishonor what somebody needs.

623

00:36:15,204 --> 00:36:19,884

Now, if somebody keeps avoiding something,

I will be able to pick up on those cues.

624

00:36:20,064 --> 00:36:25,075

But this was a genuine human

situation where somebody just

625

00:36:25,075 --> 00:36:29,235

needed to be allowed to go be human

for a minute and not be coached.

626

00:36:29,445 --> 00:36:31,555

Maybe they'd come back

and I'd say, how were you?

627

00:36:31,565 --> 00:36:32,765

How did you fare through that?

628

00:36:33,025 --> 00:36:36,465

What was, if I see after months

that it's still like they're

629

00:36:36,465 --> 00:36:38,975

in hysterics, then maybe we're

having a different conversation.

630

00:36:39,485 --> 00:36:44,615

But I think it's really

important to remain human for me.

631

00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:49,400

And that's probably the biggest

form of authenticity for me.

632

00:36:50,260 --> 00:36:53,630

John: I think this is, this is challenging

because it's some of the stuff I'm I'm

633

00:36:53,630 --> 00:36:57,720

saying particularly might be seen as

contradictory, but I don't disagree

634

00:36:57,720 --> 00:36:59,180

with a single thing you said there.

635

00:36:59,810 --> 00:37:03,900

I think if we are really being true to

ourselves, even if we're being a curated

636

00:37:03,900 --> 00:37:06,800

version of that, that we're putting out

to the world, even if there are things

637

00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:08,890

that could potentially chip away at that.

638

00:37:09,090 --> 00:37:09,850

at that image.

639

00:37:09,850 --> 00:37:10,960

Don't be too worried about that.

640

00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:11,900

Just keep holding on.

641

00:37:12,340 --> 00:37:14,290

It has to still be authentic to you.

642

00:37:14,300 --> 00:37:19,370

It still has to be part of who you are,

because if it's not, the weight of acting

643

00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:24,640

that role is going to become probably

too much, but also it's going to damage

644

00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:28,620

your ability to connect with people,

damage your ability to react and respond

645

00:37:28,630 --> 00:37:32,960

the way you instinctively would, the

way that your coaching instincts, if

646

00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:37,510

you like, that you talking about there

with telling you to operate that you end

647

00:37:37,510 --> 00:37:39,400

up maybe doing something else instead.

648

00:37:39,780 --> 00:37:40,990

Angie: listen to what John just said.

649

00:37:40,990 --> 00:37:43,100

I love that coaching instincts.

650

00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:46,980

When you're a newer coach, maybe you

have some gifts where you are able

651

00:37:46,980 --> 00:37:51,340

to instinctively connect with people,

build rapport quickly, things like that.

652

00:37:51,710 --> 00:37:55,540

But again, there's, it's still a

skill that can be honed and developed.

653

00:37:56,030 --> 00:38:03,230

And I think it's important to keep

that in mind when you are, I want,

654

00:38:03,270 --> 00:38:08,350

I'm air quoting this deciding who you

want to be and show up as a coach.

655

00:38:08,770 --> 00:38:09,890

It is a decision.

656

00:38:10,300 --> 00:38:17,410

I could certainly try and do, I could

try and be, I could try and be a much

657

00:38:17,420 --> 00:38:22,705

more softer version and say, so John,

You know what, for now, I would, you know

658

00:38:22,705 --> 00:38:27,375

what, doing that for five sessions a day

would probably feel like I was on the

659

00:38:27,375 --> 00:38:32,995

treadmill at the highest speed, at the,

you know, that would be draining for me,

660

00:38:33,485 --> 00:38:35,575

because it's not authentically who I am,

661

00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:37,070

John: Here's the thing as well.

662

00:38:37,300 --> 00:38:45,010

I think Authenticity being authentically

you In the way that we're talking

663

00:38:45,010 --> 00:38:49,765

about here Is going to cause a problem

that some people struggle to deal

664

00:38:49,765 --> 00:38:54,540

with in that When you're showing up

as an authentic version of yourself

665

00:38:54,950 --> 00:38:56,520

Some people are not going to like you

666

00:38:57,185 --> 00:38:57,555

Angie: yeah?

667

00:38:58,275 --> 00:38:58,715

John: That's it.

668

00:38:59,445 --> 00:39:01,025

But some people are going to love you.

669

00:39:02,355 --> 00:39:04,145

But some people are going

to be indifferent to you.

670

00:39:05,735 --> 00:39:07,225

But that's what we want.

671

00:39:07,545 --> 00:39:11,735

Because otherwise, if we're trying to be

the people pleaser, or the person that

672

00:39:11,775 --> 00:39:15,565

everybody likes, we end up being bland.

673

00:39:15,565 --> 00:39:17,035

I hate that word.

674

00:39:17,675 --> 00:39:18,145

Bland.

675

00:39:18,155 --> 00:39:19,275

It's worse than moist.

676

00:39:19,325 --> 00:39:20,005

It's bland.

677

00:39:20,015 --> 00:39:21,695

It's just a horrible word.

678

00:39:21,995 --> 00:39:22,925

Angie: A benign,

679

00:39:23,965 --> 00:39:25,645

John: Benign beige

680

00:39:26,375 --> 00:39:26,595

It's funny

681

00:39:26,645 --> 00:39:31,225

These words all sound kind of similar

you end up being kind of fake you end

682

00:39:31,235 --> 00:39:38,015

up being disconnected And these are not

good things and So if you're trying to

683

00:39:38,015 --> 00:39:43,805

keep everybody happy, you'll keep nobody

happy and ultimately people will

684

00:39:43,885 --> 00:39:48,405

probably dislike you more because you

don't have that sense of authenticity

685

00:39:48,635 --> 00:39:53,135

you'll just see someone who will bend with

the breeze and be whoever you think you're

686

00:39:53,155 --> 00:39:55,035

supposed to be to show up in the situation

687

00:39:55,335 --> 00:39:55,885

Angie: yeah.

688

00:39:56,895 --> 00:39:58,935

Listen, I can smell it a mile away.

689

00:39:58,935 --> 00:40:01,935

You and I have talked about, I think

we, you know, should coach, have a

690

00:40:01,935 --> 00:40:04,155

coach and I totally believe in it.

691

00:40:04,625 --> 00:40:07,815

And there are people that I try,

I tried to work with them, but

692

00:40:07,815 --> 00:40:11,065

they try, they were, I could,

they weren't connecting with me.

693

00:40:11,085 --> 00:40:15,975

They were maybe following some kind

of a framework, not so specific,

694

00:40:15,995 --> 00:40:19,395

but even if it was their own Oh I'm

going to do this in this session.

695

00:40:19,485 --> 00:40:21,985

And I, and they would do it

in such a way that I was like,

696

00:40:22,405 --> 00:40:23,545

get me out of this session.

697

00:40:23,555 --> 00:40:24,565

Give me my money back.

698

00:40:24,865 --> 00:40:26,835

This is never going to take me.

699

00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,710

Where I need to go,

it's not going to work.

700

00:40:30,150 --> 00:40:34,680

So that's something that I've always

remained cognizant of is, am I able

701

00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:40,560

to connect and I think that I am.

702

00:40:41,060 --> 00:40:46,600

Because there's that authenticity piece,

where people just know that I'm being very

703

00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:50,620

real and very human and not practiced.

704

00:40:51,720 --> 00:40:54,060

Even though it's years of practice.

705

00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:56,270

Decades of practice, actually.

706

00:40:57,465 --> 00:40:58,325

John: I want to share something with you.

707

00:40:58,355 --> 00:41:00,725

This is really embarrassing to share

But you know, i'm not afraid of

708

00:41:00,725 --> 00:41:02,655

sharing embarrassing things with you

709

00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:04,400

Angie: Can't

710

00:41:04,700 --> 00:41:06,140

John: Just me and you

Angie, no one else is

711

00:41:06,140 --> 00:41:06,480

listening.

712

00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:10,460

Uh,

713

00:41:11,240 --> 00:41:11,570

Angie: listening.

714

00:41:11,790 --> 00:41:15,250

John: I may have told you this before

as well, but when I was very first

715

00:41:15,310 --> 00:41:20,540

getting into starting my own business

I was putting content out on YouTube.

716

00:41:21,220 --> 00:41:23,020

And this is early days of YouTube.

717

00:41:23,070 --> 00:41:26,320

This is not many people were,

not many people had channels, not

718

00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:27,700

many people were posting stuff up.

719

00:41:27,700 --> 00:41:30,710

So if you put videos up,

people would see them.

720

00:41:31,070 --> 00:41:34,110

Like these days you could put, you could

be pissing in the wind on YouTube and

721

00:41:34,110 --> 00:41:35,900

post stuff up and no one will watch it.

722

00:41:35,900 --> 00:41:38,300

You know, very easy to do that now.

723

00:41:39,105 --> 00:41:40,685

Early days of youtube not so much.

724

00:41:41,105 --> 00:41:45,465

So I put up some videos and One of the

videos was kind of a sales video, I

725

00:41:45,465 --> 00:41:52,705

guess I was promoting Me and my coaching

services and I wasn't hadn't really found

726

00:41:52,735 --> 00:41:56,575

myself as a coach at that point I know

it was early It was kind of early days of

727

00:41:56,585 --> 00:42:00,965

being a full time coach and still figuring

a lot of things out So I was being a bit

728

00:42:00,965 --> 00:42:05,795

more of a presenter, a bit more of a sales

person, what I thought that should be.

729

00:42:06,885 --> 00:42:10,725

And and I just remember this one

comment I got on this video about

730

00:42:10,735 --> 00:42:13,465

how fake I was and all this stuff.

731

00:42:13,735 --> 00:42:15,975

And it destroyed me.

732

00:42:16,345 --> 00:42:17,365

Absolutely destroyed me.

733

00:42:17,445 --> 00:42:22,805

I think it must've been several years

before I YouTube again, after that.

734

00:42:23,235 --> 00:42:25,895

But it destroyed me because it

was, because I knew it was right.

735

00:42:25,935 --> 00:42:26,645

I knew it was true.

736

00:42:27,630 --> 00:42:28,050

And

737

00:42:28,350 --> 00:42:29,770

Angie: Know what I'm going

to be doing after today?

738

00:42:29,770 --> 00:42:31,510

I'm going to be like, John YouTube.

739

00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:32,860

John: is that video still up there?

740

00:42:32,860 --> 00:42:36,230

I think I took it down.

741

00:42:36,370 --> 00:42:39,550

I think I took I think I pretty much

took everything down and closed down

742

00:42:39,550 --> 00:42:40,930

my youtube account at that time.

743

00:42:40,930 --> 00:42:41,060

Yeah.

744

00:42:41,060 --> 00:42:41,720

Yeah, I were

745

00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:45,320

I was devastated.

746

00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:46,110

I was devastated.

747

00:42:46,410 --> 00:42:49,060

Angie: so yeah, so what was

the lesson in it though?

748

00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:52,840

So what was the outcome like, really,

besides running and hiding a little

749

00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:56,660

bit get me out of here, I don't want

anybody to see me, which is common.

750

00:42:57,455 --> 00:42:58,085

John: Do you know what I mean?

751

00:42:58,845 --> 00:43:02,595

Say like any kind of feedback even

Like it was obviously intended to be

752

00:43:02,595 --> 00:43:06,535

negative criticism and possibly even

intended to be hurtful I don't know

753

00:43:07,445 --> 00:43:13,375

but it was valid because I felt it

and so there was something there But

754

00:43:13,395 --> 00:43:16,255

I where I took that probably wasn't

the best at the time like I would be

755

00:43:16,255 --> 00:43:20,035

different now I would accept you know

accept the criticism that comes through

756

00:43:20,035 --> 00:43:22,455

still but I wouldn't go and hide away.

757

00:43:22,455 --> 00:43:26,075

I wouldn't decide I needed to delete

my account or anything like that I just

758

00:43:26,075 --> 00:43:30,105

go I would just correct course and keep

going so, you know I maybe were took

759

00:43:30,115 --> 00:43:31,585

it took a little while to build up.

760

00:43:31,675 --> 00:43:34,935

A bit more of a sort of We call

it a bit more of a hide a rough

761

00:43:34,935 --> 00:43:36,295

hide to be able to weather

762

00:43:36,345 --> 00:43:37,375

Angie: Rhino skin.

763

00:43:37,385 --> 00:43:38,435

That's what I call it.

764

00:43:38,935 --> 00:43:39,875

Rhino skin.

765

00:43:39,875 --> 00:43:42,255

Rhino is toughest skin in

the, of all the mammals.

766

00:43:42,695 --> 00:43:44,985

John: Yeah becoming a bit

more bulletproof for sure.

767

00:43:45,505 --> 00:43:50,155

Angie: Listen, I think there's, that's a

whole, probably a different topic for us.

768

00:43:51,005 --> 00:43:58,635

You do have to be able to allow

criticism in and then you also have

769

00:43:58,635 --> 00:44:02,545

to be able to simultaneously be able

to just turn off the noise that comes

770

00:44:02,545 --> 00:44:05,585

in, for the trolls and the haters

because that's going to happen.

771

00:44:05,965 --> 00:44:09,855

And as long as you know you did

what you intended to do, again,

772

00:44:10,065 --> 00:44:13,475

it may fall into one of those

categories of I'm not for everybody.

773

00:44:13,955 --> 00:44:20,265

I know who like the, my client is

generally attracted to me now, right?

774

00:44:20,265 --> 00:44:21,525

They're attracted to.

775

00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:27,050

The strength, the directedness,

the compassion, I think I always

776

00:44:27,070 --> 00:44:30,710

project myself when we talk here,

like I'm some witch and I'm not,

777

00:44:31,570 --> 00:44:33,400

I'm just, I'm direct and I'm

778

00:44:33,450 --> 00:44:34,560

John: You say that.

779

00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:35,980

Angie: I see that face.

780

00:44:36,030 --> 00:44:38,130

I will come to Spain and I will get you.

781

00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:42,970

But you know, I feel like I, I do

have to, and there are people when

782

00:44:42,970 --> 00:44:45,790

they say to me, you know what I'm

thinking, Angie, that maybe this

783

00:44:45,790 --> 00:44:47,130

isn't going to be the greatest fit.

784

00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:49,470

I probably already knew that before.

785

00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:54,720

I probably already, I have a discovery

call and somebody says, you were great,

786

00:44:54,720 --> 00:44:57,040

but I think I need maybe more of this.

787

00:44:57,570 --> 00:44:58,540

I usually know it.

788

00:44:58,650 --> 00:45:00,910

I usually know it in advance of that.

789

00:45:00,970 --> 00:45:05,060

And honestly, I might maybe

need to be the one that says,

790

00:45:05,100 --> 00:45:06,360

I don't know if we're a fit.

791

00:45:06,780 --> 00:45:09,560

I don't know if I can coach you, but

I don't know if I'm a fit for you.

792

00:45:09,710 --> 00:45:13,900

So yeah, I think it's important

to look at all the things and

793

00:45:13,910 --> 00:45:16,540

be fair to ourselves, right?

794

00:45:16,540 --> 00:45:19,980

We can't listen to everything that's

negative because, if that were the

795

00:45:19,980 --> 00:45:24,240

case, John and I individually would have

closed down shop years and years ago.

796

00:45:25,070 --> 00:45:25,400

Right.

797

00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:26,680

I mean, the truth,

798

00:45:27,850 --> 00:45:28,170

John: Yeah.

799

00:45:28,530 --> 00:45:28,840

Yeah.

800

00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:30,220

Be calling back under my rock.

801

00:45:30,230 --> 00:45:30,570

Yeah,

802

00:45:31,030 --> 00:45:34,610

Angie: you know, what's funny, I just want

to, cause I know we're going long today.

803

00:45:34,610 --> 00:45:35,800

I just wanted to share this.

804

00:45:35,820 --> 00:45:36,780

This is interesting.

805

00:45:37,740 --> 00:45:45,360

The people in my personal life that know

me, they really don't know me as a coach.

806

00:45:45,820 --> 00:45:50,920

They have no idea who I am because

they're not in coaching sessions.

807

00:45:50,940 --> 00:45:55,210

And it's so funny because I used to

have this fear of, you know, once

808

00:45:55,210 --> 00:45:58,915

it became more obvious that In order

to gain clients anymore, right?

809

00:45:58,915 --> 00:46:00,245

You need to be out there, right?

810

00:46:00,245 --> 00:46:04,045

You need to be front and center, social

media, among other things, right?

811

00:46:04,045 --> 00:46:06,535

That's not the only thing,

but what does that do?

812

00:46:06,675 --> 00:46:06,915

Right.

813

00:46:06,915 --> 00:46:09,495

It exposes you to the

people that know you.

814

00:46:10,095 --> 00:46:17,065

And I've had some people come back

and say, Oh, I didn't know that you

815

00:46:17,115 --> 00:46:19,455

knew about that, or you did that.

816

00:46:19,515 --> 00:46:21,900

And I'm like, You know,

I'm a coach, right?

817

00:46:22,060 --> 00:46:24,680

Yeah, but I thought you just sat there

and told people what to do all day.

818

00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:25,560

Okay.

819

00:46:25,620 --> 00:46:26,330

Don't I wish.

820

00:46:26,370 --> 00:46:26,960

That's not it.

821

00:46:27,260 --> 00:46:35,080

But it's interesting because I would

say to you that I am, my, my fears from

822

00:46:35,150 --> 00:46:40,720

getting out in front of people were more

based on the people that knew me getting

823

00:46:40,740 --> 00:46:43,880

to see me than it is about any stranger.

824

00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:45,030

Cause you don't know me yet.

825

00:46:46,020 --> 00:46:50,510

And I think I've seen a lot of

coaches pull away from that.

826

00:46:50,940 --> 00:46:54,430

Because they're afraid to be

authentically themselves as coaches,

827

00:46:54,720 --> 00:47:00,360

because it doesn't maybe

necessarily perfectly align with

828

00:47:00,550 --> 00:47:02,740

who they are personally, right?

829

00:47:02,750 --> 00:47:03,930

Professionally and personally.

830

00:47:03,940 --> 00:47:05,790

So just a little interesting tidbit there.

831

00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:07,070

John: it is.

832

00:47:07,570 --> 00:47:11,650

You mentioned, you mentioned a little

earlier about coaches having coaches

833

00:47:11,950 --> 00:47:12,510

Angie: Thank you.

834

00:47:12,630 --> 00:47:12,810

Bye.

835

00:47:12,810 --> 00:47:14,150

John: came up a few times

in the conversation.

836

00:47:14,150 --> 00:47:16,290

I think it would be a good topic for us

837

00:47:16,330 --> 00:47:17,680

maybe to look at

838

00:47:17,730 --> 00:47:18,780

in our next episode here.

839

00:47:19,370 --> 00:47:20,220

Angie: Sounds good to me.

840

00:47:21,180 --> 00:47:22,450

John: All right we'll do that again.

841

00:47:22,980 --> 00:47:24,950

We hope you'll come back

and join us for that.

842

00:47:24,990 --> 00:47:26,330

And we certainly look forward to that.

843

00:47:26,650 --> 00:47:29,670

Remember, you can still

leave us a voice message.

844

00:47:29,670 --> 00:47:30,650

It's completely free.

845

00:47:30,650 --> 00:47:32,680

You can go online to speakpipe.

846

00:47:33,390 --> 00:47:38,490

com forward slash the coaching clinic

podcast, and you can record your voice

847

00:47:38,490 --> 00:47:40,080

message and we'll feed back to you.

848

00:47:40,250 --> 00:47:41,160

Feature it on the show.

849

00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:41,840

Good or bad.

850

00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:43,390

We'll put it out there.

851

00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:45,500

We're not afraid we'll be authentic.

852

00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:48,910

You can be authentic with your messages

as well, but we'll come back next time.

853

00:47:48,910 --> 00:47:51,120

We'll talk about coaches, having coaches.

854

00:47:51,450 --> 00:47:52,990

Angie: Yeah, that's a big one.

855

00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:53,380

Love it.

856

00:47:54,450 --> 00:47:54,840

John: All right.

857

00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:55,520

We'll see you then.

858

00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:56,690

Angie: Bye for now.