The alarming statistic that nearly one in three business owners experience divorce serves as the pivotal point of our discourse today. This episode delves into the intricate dynamics between entrepreneurship and familial relationships, emphasizing the profound impact that business ownership can have on personal lives. We share our own experiences managing the delicate balance between nurturing a thriving business and fostering a harmonious home life. Through the exploration of practical strategies, such as delineating responsibilities into 'pink jobs' and 'blue jobs,' we aim to illuminate how systematic approaches can enhance marital harmony and prevent the detrimental effects of work encroaching upon personal relationships. Ultimately, we assert that successful entrepreneurship should not come at the expense of one's family, advocating for intentional communication and shared values as critical components in sustaining both business success and familial well-being.

Takeaways:

• A substantial proportion of business owners, nearly one in three, experience divorce.
• Business ownership correlates with higher divorce rates, affecting family dynamics significantly.
• Establishing clear roles in household responsibilities can prevent marital strain and foster harmony.
• Effective communication between spouses is paramount to ensure both partners feel valued and understood.
• The concept of 'pink jobs' versus 'blue jobs' serves to clarify household duties and expectations.
• Building a successful business should not come at the expense of family relationships and personal life.

Links referenced in this episode:

• contractorfreedomlive.com

Almost one in three business owners end up divorced.

Now, in this one particular study, that was double the rate of the non business owners.

And nobody puts that in the business books.

Yeah, and no one told me I was going to be married to the company, too.

Today I've got Rochelle here with me, and today we're going to talk about the stuff that, you know, determines, decides whether the business, you know, builds your family or adds to your family or whether it bankrupts your family.

We're going to talk about chores, dishes, who owns bedtime, and you know why one boring little list might actually save your marriage.

Welcome to the Contractor Freedom Podcast.

I'm Jason Phillips.

If you're tired of feeling trapped by the business you worked so hard to build, you're in the right place as a multiple.

As a multi million dollar contractor and founder of Contractor Freedom, I've learned that freedom comes from mastering yourself, leading others, and building systems.

Each week, I'll help you build a business that serves your life, because the goal isn't to build a bigger prison, is to build a business that creates freedom.

Welcome to Contractor Freedom.

Let's go.

Rachelle and I, we're going to talk about how we have run, how we've actually run the Phillips Casa.

Now, I think we have earned the right to speak to this because we've raised five beautiful, amazing children and they were all a little bit different.

So we're going to talk about something that's, that's kind of boring.

Pink jobs, blue jobs, and the collision at the front door.

Yeah, pink jobs and blue jobs.

We actually do that at the Phillips.

At the Phillips Casa.

So.

So let's talk about that stat.

We know overall divorce is pretty high, right?

Sure.

But in this one particular group, it was, it was fairly low until you're a business owner.

Okay.

And then it's one in three.

So it was double.

So it was about, I think it was 15, 16%.

Okay.

Which was, you know, which isn't that bad.

Right.

But why?

It's kind of like it's.

Marriage is between you and me until.

You start a business, and then it's.

Between you and me and the mistress.

The mistress business.

Yeah.

So let's be, you know, let's, let's be honest.

Your business takes your time, your energy, and it doesn't.

The thing, when you run a business, you don't just clock out at 5pm and go home.

Right.

So, all right, here's what we're gonna.

Here's what we're gonna do.

Oh, by the way, the business you Know what?

It never does?

It never says, oh, I'm sorry for wrecking your home.

No, it doesn't care.

It doesn't.

It doesn't care, does it?

No.

So.

So, all right, so we're both gonna answer honestly for a second here.

Okay.

And it's going to be this.

I give my business X and my wife Y or my spouse.

So like that's, that's a question for you, not me.

That was a you question.

Okay, so I'll answer for me and then you can answer for me.

Oh, I get to answer.

You got to be honest.

Got to be honest.

Okay.

Okay.

So in the early days.

Are we rewinding?

We're rewinding because we're perfect now, right?

Well, yeah, we're perfect now.

When I started the business, I was in survival mode.

I was in debt, didn't have any money because of the situation I was coming out of.

And by the way, the.

Probably one of the very toughest situations I've ever faced in my life turned into one of the biggest blessings in my life and beyond.

But when I started out, I was in survival mode.

If I didn't sell something, we weren't going to have dinner on Friday, right?

Yeah.

Or we were going to be over at our parents house eating out of their pantry again.

We did that a lot.

Yeah.

So.

So I was in this survival mode and my business was getting 11 out of 10, 110%.

And you were just taking care of the kids and keeping the home front.

And I knew, I was grateful that I didn't have to worry about that.

But I had this huge burden on my shoulders that I had to go make it happen.

Now granted, I chose that.

I chose to start the business.

I could have taken the other job and gone and into the computer business, but I did it right.

I. I knew, I knew God had something that I needed to do.

Right.

I was.

In the beginning, I was giving.

I was giving the business X percent and giving you Y percent.

Yes.

And I would say I was giving it 99% and giving you 1%.

True.

Oh, you're not going to say no?

Honey, it was like 60, 40.

No, it wasn't.

Okay, was it?

Okay, fine, but it's true.

But let's.

I had to make it happen, right?

Well.

Right.

So let's be clear.

You had to make it happen so we could eat.

And I didn't even have a car.

Like we didn't have anything.

I forgot you didn't have a car.

Yeah, I was stuck at home.

Oh my gosh I remember those days.

Yeah.

So.

So I think it was even more of a trick, like, so if you've been married for a while, and then you're like, oh, I want to start this business, and you're like, okay, cool.

We can do this together.

Great.

Yeah.

But I think for us, it was a little bit different because it was almost a lullaby trick into the fact that we had to start something because we had to eat right, and we had.

Well, I had to get a job somewhere else.

Or you had to do something.

My company I was at was paying.

But.

But.

But no one says that the company is going to suck your whole life because the other job you would have taken would have been 8 to 5, 7 to 6, whatever.

Normal.

And you come home, you're off work, and you're checked out.

And I think the false thing about starting your own company is, is that you can make your own hours.

You're free to do all this stuff.

And I think in the beginning, it was like, yeah, he's working so hard because we have to eat.

He's working so hard because he.

We need to pay.

We want to move out of.

We lived in a duplex with his brother, and the baby slept on my dresser in our bedroom.

And, like, seriously, we needed money.

Okay.

So I didn't have a car.

There was, like, it was a real thing.

So in the beginning, it was, yes, please go to work so we can have better.

Right.

And then I think it sucked you into a trap of, I have to work harder to get more and make more and do more, and, oh, I can see.

I see this.

And then I can do that.

And then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then.

I was just so used to, well, he's just working hard.

And that's because it's what he's supposed to do.

He has to do.

Right.

It's important.

So it became this thing where you were doing your thing because you were compelled to provide and take care of us.

And I was doing my thing because I knew you were out there trying to make it happen.

Yeah.

So.

Well, there was no discussion about.

It was easy for me to get sucked into that vortex because I love to accomplish things.

I love to conquer.

I love to win.

Well, let's be real.

Okay, that may be true, but I really think you like to work.

What's.

What?

I said.

No, here's the way I say it.

I don't idle.

Well, he does not idle Idol, period.

Well, okay, I have for a short time.

Okay, so wait.

It's the airport story.

Oh, tell the airport story.

Literally, I can't keep up with him anywhere.

We go for anything.

We get to the airport, he's a mile ahead of me.

He's already through customs.

He's.

Or.

Or through the security.

Security.

And he's on the other side, and he's just waiting, waiting, waiting.

And as soon as I walk through, his pace slows.

He's walking beside me.

He's, like, looking at me like, who is this man?

Yeah, that's because literally, when I went through security, we would be headed to, like, vacation.

Like, to.

Yeah.

Or something, and it would be.

Boom.

That was my.

Literally, my mental trigger.

Boom.

I'm in vacation mode.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So anyways, do you guys deal with this?

You know, does anybody else do.

Am I the only one?

I don't think I'm the only one.

I know.

I know I'm not the only one.

I know you guys out there.

I know you guys out there.

Okay?

Now things are different.

Yes, things are much different.

As far as Phillips Home Improvements goes, that really doesn't take any time of mine anymore, hardly.

Right?

Tuesdays.

Yeah, Tuesdays.

That's.

That's it.

Pretty much.

And we're building something different.

We're trying to help.

We're not trying.

We're helping.

I hope we're helping.

We're helping a ton of people, and that's.

That's our mission.

Okay, so let me.

Let's talk about the moment that.

That I realized that the company was the third partner.

And this was one.

One night I came home late yet again.

It wasn't after dark.

No, it wasn't.

But I came home late.

I missed dinner.

I was supposed to be home for dinner.

And it was after dinner.

I walked in the door, and.

And you're like, where have you been?

No, hold on.

You're like, where have you been?

I don't think I.

No, no, no, no.

You didn't do that ever.

No.

But you came with serious face.

Right?

Serious face.

Not that, though.

You're like, you're late again.

However.

It was.

However, wasn't.

It wasn't mean, though.

No, it wasn't mean.

And.

But I could tell you're serious.

I could tell you were hurt.

And I looked at you and I said, honey, I said, I'm doing this for you and the family and you.

And you.

You looked at me and you said.

You said.

Let me get this right.

I can tell you.

Oh, would you tell me?

I don't care about any of this stuff.

I'd rather Live in a shack and have you than live in this house with these cars, with this stuff.

I don't care about the stuff.

I just want you.

Yeah.

And somewhere you also.

I remember this because it stuck with me.

You said, I'd rather live in a shack with you than have a mansion without you.

That's what I just said.

Yeah, something like that.

But that.

That moment hit me, right?

That moment hit me, and I'm like, what in the heck?

So I'm like, oh, man, I've been.

I've been.

I've been laboring under misapprehension for.

For a year or more now.

Right, so.

Well, because you thought that you were out there conquering for us.

Yes, that's what I was doing.

Sure.

That's what you're supposed to do.

And I appreciate that.

Leaving the cave, killing something, dragging it home.

Woman, cook.

Sure.

That's.

That's true.

Can we have a little fun here?

Hey, guys, Is it okay if we have a little laughs?

Okay.

We're going way down some memory lane here.

Thank God.

This stuff is all behind us.

That's fine with.

We survive.

All of those things are fine.

But it was a too great of a cost.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, so.

Okay, what next?

All right, so let's talk about mindsets.

Okay.

Um, I'm gonna.

I'm gonna read a mindset, and.

And I want you to say, on a scale of 1 to 10, how often you felt I was dealing with this.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

So at work, I'm the only one that cares.

That.

Wait, that.

That you thought that about yourself?

Like, yeah, I was the only one.

That cares about stuff at work in the beginning.

Well, probably.

Probably a nine.

Okay.

Because you seem to not let anyone else do anything.

Okay.

All right, so how about the next one?

Okay, I'll slow down after the busy season.

Yikes.

That never happens.

Okay.

What?

No, it was.

I'll slow down after I get gutters up and rolling.

Oh, I'll slow down after we fix these problems in leap.

Ooh.

I'll slow down after.

And it was like, after never is coming.

Yeah, it never is.

So did I ever say this?

Like, my family will understand.

I'm doing it for them.

I did say that.

That one time.

I don't to you, and you're like,.

Yeah, but that was a conversation that wasn't really, like, something you said all the time.

Okay.

Hello, kitty cat.

There's a kitty cat jumping on Relle right now.

Okay, let's.

Let's.

So one of the things that Rochelle and I were really on the same page about when we.

Hold on.

Is that purring in the microphone going to be a problem?

I don't think so.

Okay.

One of the things that Rochelle and I were really on the same page about when we started out in marriage was the roles that we wanted.

And we wanted traditional roles.

And what I mean is I wanted.

I wanted to be the man.

Wanted to go leave the cave, kill something, drag it back, and let her cook it.

Right?

And that's what I wanted, and that's what she wanted.

Now, your.

Your relationship, your.

Your values, your, you know, kind of if you will, marriage contract, if you will, may be maybe different.

And that's quite all right.

But I wanted.

I wanted the same thing.

She wanted the same thing.

And that's.

Our values were the same.

So I think that really was a big benefit for us.

Our foundation was the same.

Right.

But I feel like some people, they just fall in love, and they.

They.

They just.

They get married, and they drift into these roles.

Who's doing what?

And.

And so what Rochelle and I have done is we've.

We've made a list of what we call pink jobs and blue jobs.

His job, his job, and her job.

So every recurring thing in the house has exactly one name.

It's either mine or hers.

There's not 50.

50.

We don't share anything.

Of course we back each other up.

Right.

But, you know, you guys would never run a job site where someone doesn't own the punch list.

Well, and if it's ours, we'll take care of it then.

No one's taking care of it.

Then nobody takes care of it.

Oh, boy.

All right, here we go.

Here we go.

All right, so let's look at, like, outdoor stuff.

You're just gonna literally say it's all blue.

Okay.

Mowing the lawn.

Israel does it.

Okay.

But back in the day, it was.

Oh, back in the day.

Okay.

Yes, it was.

You.

You wouldn't let me.

All right.

Pressure wash the driveway.

Ah, I would have done that, too.

You wouldn't let me do that either.

Are you afraid I was gonna cut my toes off?

That's true.

Okay.

Fertilizing the lawn.

So it's pretty clear that everything outdoors is a.

No.

You don't do any gardening and planting and upkeep.

Oh, heck, no.

See, that's.

Yeah, that's true.

I do not.

I definitely don't do that.

That's a big job, right?

Yeah.

Well, okay.

For us.

So yard watering.

You don't do that.

All right, how about how about this?

How about.

How about inside the house?

Okay.

Like maintenance.

Okay.

Changing the air conditioning filters.

H vac filters.

That's a blue job.

That's a blue job.

Checking the smoke detectors.

Blue job.

How about.

Man, some of this.

I'm like, nobody flush the water heater.

Nobody does this.

Okay.

Test fire extinguishers annually.

No, no, no.

Okay.

Check weather stripping on doors.

Inspect the garage doors.

Inspect garage door.

That needs to be done.

That's very sketchy right now.

When I open that garage door at 5:15 in the morning, and it's crazy.

Reaching up, I stay out of the way.

Okay, hold on.

What?

Clean the dryer.

Lint trap.

I do that?

Yeah.

That's a.

You wouldn't.

Pink job.

You wouldn't even know where it is.

Okay, here's a joke.

Here's.

Okay.

Okay.

Literally.

Literally, he did this.

We got these new washer dryer.

I don't know.

I don't know.

After we moved into this house.

Nope.

Stop.

It was before that, when I was pregnant with you, Lonnie and I had to live in the hospital for a month.

And you called and said, how do you work this thing?

What thing?

The washer.

Dishwasher.

No, I mean the clothes washer, the washing machine.

But it gets better.

Oh, it gets better.

Well, because, let's see, that was how many?

20.

She's 20.

About to be 21.

That was 22 years ago then.

So now fast forward to when Samantha had Lucy, July 4th, two years ago.

And I'm staying at their house to help her because she had to have a C section.

And what does he do?

He calls me.

Hey, I've been to Walmart a couple times buying socks and underwear.

But I probably should do some laundry.

How do I run this?

It's way easier just to buy new socks and underwear than it is to do the.

I'm like, functionally, I can turn it on.

I don't know what settings are best.

Right.

Okay, fine.

There's my weakness.

Laundry.

The only one in our house.

Laundry.

Pink job.

Yeah.

And now, speaking of.

Hold on.

Let's get real for a second.

Okay.

Let's talk about the laundry.

When is the laundry done?

When I get to it.

No, no, not.

That's.

Okay, that's true.

Oh, that's very true.

Okay, but, like, when is.

When is it complete?

When can you say, I did the laundry?

Does that mean you turned it on and left it?

Does that mean you put it in?

You took the basket and set it on the bed.

Does that mean you folded it we.

Don't ever take clothes out of the dryer.

Not folded, and not fold them.

If you don't have time to fold them, don't take them out of the dryer because then they need to get fluffed and sometimes rew.

In your world, the laundry, you haven't fully done your job till the laundry is put away.

Yeah.

Okay, now it.

Something that's a blue job at our house is the trash.

I don't care how small the trash can is.

The ladies don't touch the trash at our house.

It's not our job.

It's not their job.

Okay, and so.

So you don't have that many jobs.

Okay.

So the.

The.

The job is not complete until the trash is out and there's a new bag in the can.

You don't just, like, set a bag on the can.

You have to finish the job.

The laundry has to be put away.

The trash bag has to be put back in.

The trash bag is on the side of the trash can, and someone throws an eggshell in there.

All right, you can't be mad.

Let's keep going.

Oh, no, I'm going to skip this one, conveniently, because it's currently a problem.

We've got a couple leaky faucets.

That's a.

That's a blue job.

Okay, how about unclogging drains?

Oh, replace labels and fixtures.

Yeah, replace.

Assemble furniture.

You don't do any of those.

So they're pink jobs, apparently.

Okay, all right.

No objection here.

All right, let's keep going.

Okay.

Oil changes on vehicles.

I do my own.

You just.

What?

You mean you.

You get the oil pan and you drip oil?

No, you just drive it down and have them change it.

Okay, that's fine.

That's really a neither.

You drive your own car.

Everybody does their own car.

That is not a neither that you just said we don't do.

Either it's a pink job or it's a blue job.

No, what I'm saying is nobody actually changes the oil here.

We pay to have the oil changed.

Yeah, but somebody has to take it to do it.

Okay.

All right.

You should take my keys.

They are laughing at us right now.

They're laughing at us right now.

I don't care.

You should take my keys and do it.

Oh, oh, car washes.

Well, we used to have membership, but we don't anymore, so now I have to do it myself.

I just.

I like doing it, though.

That doesn't bother me.

Okay.

All right.

And I kind of.

We kind of do our.

How about this?

1.

Renew vehicle registration.

I'm about to get a ticket that he's going to have to pay for cuz he hasn't taken my car to get inspected.

So the vehicle inspection is a blue job and the registration is a blue job in our house.

Your house may be different.

Okay, all right.

Got it.

Scheduled vehicle repairs.

That's a blue job.

All right.

Okay.

How about making the bed daily?

No one makes it daily here.

Sorry.

Okay, all right.

When it gets made, who makes it?

I do.

Okay, all right.

Wiping the kitchen counters, pink.

We're talking colors here.

Oh, sorry.

Okay.

Doing the dishes, pink.

Okay.

Sweeping the kitchen floor, pink.

We already talked about trash.

Taking out the trash.

Cleaning the bathrooms, pink.

Picking up the clutter, pink.

Okay.

A lot of pink jobs there.

Okay, how about.

How about vacuuming, pink.

Cleaning the toilets?

Let's kind of these.

Some of these are kind of doubled up.

Okay, I need to clean up my list here.

Saw me.

All of it.

How about cleaning out the refrigerator each week?

Leftovers.

Pink.

Pink.

That's on Sundays.

Okay, Sundays are.

Everybody gets to eat whatever comes out of that refrigerator because.

Okay, all right, here we go.

That's trash night.

So it makes sense because if we have to throw stuff away, it goes out.

Okay, so back to this.

Wash and dry the laundry, pink.

Fold and put away the clothes, pink.

Change the bed sheets, pink.

Ironing, pink.

You don't even know how.

I've done it before.

When?

Look, I know how to do things.

I've cooked pancakes before.

I've cooked spaghetti.

I've scrambled eggs and I've ironed shirts before.

I don't believe any of it.

Okay, all right.

Cooking meals, pink.

Right.

Scheduling doctor visits for the kids, pink.

Managing the school calendar, pink.

Birthday and holiday shopping, pink.

Thank God.

Okay, well, I mean, Christmas shopping, we did that.

We've typically did that together in the early years.

Okay.

Taking care of the pets.

Pink.

She says pink.

Okay.

Oh, my gosh.

Holiday.

Decorating.

Decorating for Christmas.

That's pink.

It's pink.

Well, I mean, I have to.

I do the things you can't do.

Yeah.

I get the tree down, I set the tree up, and.

Yeah, that's it.

Okay.

All right, so what's it like in your.

What's it like in everybody else's houses?

Okay, are y' all just laughing at us right now?

Who pays the bills?

Not me.

I don't even know.

It's in the bank.

That's blue.

That's blue.

Okay.

Taxes.

I don't know.

Blue.

You.

Here, honey, sign here.

What am I Signing.

Just sign it.

Okay.

Manage investments.

Not me.

Pink.

Blue.

Insurance policies.

Blue.

Okay.

And one last little category here.

It's not a category.

It's not a category.

So anyways, we're.

We're really on the same page on these things.

And you're probably laughing at us going, oh, my gosh, I do the cooking.

Listen, in my house, I don't even do the grilling.

I hate cooking.

She loves cooking.

One year, a few years ago, for Father's Day, I got her a pellet smoker grill for Father's Day.

It's very nice.

Yeah, it's great.

Yeah.

Actually, I'm making two whole chickens on it right now.

Are you really?

Yeah.

Oh, awesome.

I can't wait.

Okay, so anyways, we can laugh about some of that stuff, but in reality, like, who.

What is.

Are you guys clear on what y' all do at your.

At your own home now?

And it can change.

Now, when the kids were little and it was bedtime, was that blue or pink?

Blue.

That was blue.

Tell us about that.

Well, it worked out to where he would get the kids and load them up on his back, as many as he could carry until they got too big to be carried up.

And he would take him upstairs, and they would all go to their beds into their bedrooms, and then he would visit each bedroom and talk to them for a few minutes and pray with them and tuck them in, and then turn their worship music on, and they would fall asleep to worship music.

And then he would go to the next room until all five were tucked in.

And I usually was downstairs washing my face and getting.

Brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed.

And a lot of the times I had an infant with me, so that was like my.

I don't know, 20, 30 minutes to myself to just kind of.

Yeah, because you.

You even had kids in elementary school, you still had a baby at home.

Yeah.

And so that was your time to.

Time to decompress.

Right.

And so I really enjoyed those.

I still remember those moments with the kids.

And it mean.

It meant I had to.

You know, when I was building the business, man, I had to close the computer or whatever I was doing and.

And go do it.

Right.

I mean, I'm glad I did that.

It's 30 minutes.

But if you ask any one of the kids right now, they remember those times with you, like, it was 30 minutes a night.

But it was.

It was important time because it was closing out the day.

It was praying with them, and it was putting their worship music on, and those were the things that are solid and foundational.

It's not like he was just playing with them for 30 minutes.

He was actually inputting things into them that were lasting.

Lifetime.

A lifetime.

Yeah.

So it was so important because it was such an important topic.

Not just because of, oh, I'm tucking the kids in.

And he wasn't just like, okay, go to bed.

And he.

Throwing the covers over him.

No, he blessed them, like, with a father's blessing.

And he made sure that they were good and felt safe and whatever they needed to talk about, he could talk to them about it.

So it was very.

It was a very important 30 minutes.

It was a very important 30 minutes.

And I'm going to be honest, I really miss those times.

Yeah.

I come home and they're all gone now.

I know.

I come home and they're all gone.

You're here, which I'm glad.

And so, you know, you're building a business.

You're also building a family, but you're building a future for your family.

And it's.

It's good to have these conversations.

Here's.

Here's another thing that happens, though.

Okay.

Common.

And this.

And this happened to us.

I've been out battling, let's just say battling the world, the business world all day, trying to conquer, and I want to come home to a sanctuary,.

But.

I walk in the door and you've been battling all of the things that I'm not battling the children.

But few ladies know what it's like when you've got a little one.

You have no time.

You can't even go to the bathroom by yourself.

I still don't.

Right.

Lucy lives here.

Yeah.

So.

So everybody feels like they're coming home and they want the other person to rescue them.

Yeah.

Like, that doesn't work.

Like, I would come home and you'd want to.

Here, here.

I need you to spend some time with the kids.

I need some alone time.

And I would be like, oh, man.

And so.

So working out a rhythm for everybody to get what they needed.

I remember back in the day when you didn't have a car.

I would come home so exhausted if I.

If I made it home at a decent hour.

And you're ready to load the.

Load up the kids and get in the car and go to the mall and go shopping.

I didn't want to shop.

I just wanted to walk around and be out of the house and just.

Yeah, well, just.

I was.

Get out of the house.

And I'm like, oh, no, not again.

Because I was.

I was ready to go Collapse.

Right.

So we had to come to some middle ground.

I'm like, okay, she's going to go crazy.

I get to get her out of here.

Right.

So.

But here's.

Here's the deal.

It's.

It's more art than science.

Yep.

And it's easy for us to drift off into these roles of your job, my job.

I'm Bill.

You know, I'm out, you know, killing stuff and bringing it home, and you're taking care of the home front, and it's easy just to drift off into roommates.

Well.

And I think that the big problem.

When you're in the middle of raising a family and he's building something and you're supporting and raising the kids, if you don't keep up with each other, he can work himself to death and me be lonely and be sick of it and leave, and he could be sitting here all by himself and have this great empire that he's built.

Without us, none of it would be worth it.

Well, that's the point.

That's kind of the whole point.

You think you're building something for us, but then you turn around and we're gone.

Because you.

There was no time for us.

There's got to be a balance of the two, and there has to be the communication, and you can't just wait till the last minute and try to scramble to fix it and pull it all together and figure it out.

But, dude, those kids grow up and move away, which.

As they should.

And I'm proud of every one of them, and I'm grateful that they are wonderful kids, that they've.

They're productive in society.

They're.

They love the Lord.

I.

And I'm super proud of every one of them.

And they're raising their families and they're doing their.

Their own families now.

They have their own families.

They are.

They are our kids.

But once they leave and get married, they're not ours anymore.

They have their own family, and our family is right here.

And if we don't keep up with this.

Hey, when they all leave, are you married to a stranger after 30 years?

It could happen.

I still like you.

Stop it.

I do.

I know.

I still like you too much sometimes.

So, look, here's.

Here's the thing.

Your spouse is not your rescuer.

Your spouse is your partner.

And if you're looking for your.

If you're looking for your spouse to constantly rescue you, you're just going to be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're partners.

We're in this battle Together, I'm on one front, you're on the other front.

We're going to come together and help each other and together we're going to be stronger.

You know, if what, what is it?

If one ox can pull, you know, 5,000 and another ox can pull 5,000, that's 10,000.

But if they are, if they are yoked together, then they can do like £18,000 or whatever.

We're stronger together if we're pulling together in the same direction.

That's why it's so important for us to have our values aligned, our vision aligned, get clear on our roles.

Well, you're on the same team and the only way to make sure that team is headed in the same direction and has the same goals towards what you're.

Whatever that goal post is for you and your family, if you don't talk about it and figure out what that is and get headed in the same direction together, it's going to be real difficult.

What if there was like this.

I understand that business owners can't necessarily come home at the same time every day.

Sure.

Okay.

But each week or possibly every day, there's time scheduled on the calendar for us.

Right.

Or, you know, we're going to.

We're going to.

You mean a date night?

Yeah.

What could be a date night?

But doesn't.

Are you just talking about like a five minute.

I don't want to only spend time with you once a week.

I want to spend time with you like literally every single day.

Right.

So there.

Okay, so my job is very different than his job.

My job, I bounce and I do 16 things in five minutes.

And he can do 16 things in five minutes sitting on his computer.

And he wants me to sit by him.

Of course.

That's exactly right.

And I.

And he's had to come to the understanding that my job doesn't work like that.

And I can't just sit down because then you won't have laundry, you won't have dinner, you won't have lunch tomorrow, you won't like, life stops when I stop in our house.

Now, it's not for everyone, but I can't just sit there and oh.

So guys, listen, I need to give you a little piece of wisdom here.

If, if you want to get credit with your wife, like build credit right, with your wife.

And y' all are going to like watch TV together to chill together and just decompress.

If you have your like computer or tablet with you and you're doing anything that's work related on that screen while you're watching the movie or the show, you get zero credit for even sitting next to each other.

You get zero credit.

It just doesn't work.

So at least that's how it's true.

She said it's true.

It's true.

Right?

We just don't watch anything together.

So sometimes the shows she watches, I'm like, oh, my gosh, this is so boring.

What have you even tried to watch?

Is this going to earn my attention?

Is this going to earn my attention?

Well, the Beauty and the Beast did the, the play we went to or the musical.

You just said tv, little tv, whatever.

It would, trust me, if it.

You couldn't have brought your computer to.

I could have brought my phone.

I had my phone with me.

Right.

So I bought tickets for the front row so you wouldn't be distracted by people getting up and down and going to the bathroom and all that stuff.

Yeah, no, it was, it was, it was great.

So, you know, look, your, your, your spouse is your partner, not your rescuer.

That's the first thing.

Yeah.

Okay.

Remember, put the business in the backseat.

And we, we laugh about these things and, but we've, I mean, we've had some tension over this through the years.

Right.

And we've got to understand one another.

And here's the thing, we don't necessarily come into this with all the communication tools that we need.

And that's why we do these marriage retreats.

Because, you know, marriage retreat.

We're going to disconnect.

We're going to go to paradise and have a, you know, small group of couples.

We're, we're going to spend mornings working on relationship stuff, learning skills, understanding each other better.

And then we're going to go hit beaches and hikes and waterfalls and volcanoes in the afternoon and just have, have an amazing, an amazing time.

So, you know, this was just a, kind of an informal podcast here, just episode.

Just talking today.

But this is just, this is just real, you know, this is my.

Literally, she's my best friend.

No, like to say your, your wife shouldn't be your best friend, you know?

Yeah, she's my best friend.

She's my confidant.

She's my lover, she's my number one supporter.

She's the mother of my children, all of that.

This is my most, the most important person in my entire world right here.

And sometimes he needs to be reminded to slow down for me.

Yeah.

And that's true because I am very fast paced all the time.

And he forgets that I need different things than he does.

That's true.

And so it's okay to remind them that that might be a possibility, that you need to like, hey, we need to have a sit down, like, come to Jesus meeting tonight after dinner.

Look, you've been going way too much.

You gotta slow down.

I need you to slow down for a minute because you're losing me.

Like, it's okay.

So let, let, let's look in the mirror for a second.

Okay?

When you're coming home from work, the people at your home, your spouse and children, are they excited that you're coming home or are they dreading you coming home?

Which one is it?

Were you driving around the block 16 times before you pull into the driveway just to have five minutes of quiet?

Maybe, maybe.

But it goes two ways.

Do you think that maybe some women are just waiting for their husband to get home so they can have a battle?

I think so.

I think that's very real, but I don't think it's always a planned battle.

Sometimes I think that the battle comes with.

Instead of asking for help, it's, why weren't you here sooner?

I needed your help.

And then you become the nagging wife and no one wants to come home to that.

So.

So maybe staying out late sounds like a real good idea.

Well, I. I feel like.

I feel like the.

I guess both parties can set the temperature.

Sure.

And I feel like the guys want to come home to a place of peace and a place of order.

And if you've got little ones, that's a challenge.

That's a challenge to make that happen.

Well, I can even remember there were days where you would come home and the house would look the exact same as when you left.

Which maybe wasn't great, and maybe it was great, but the.

Sometimes the answer the question would be, what did you do all day?

I never said that.

You're such a liar.

You did, though.

But it.

Because the house looks the same doesn't mean that nothing has happened.

The kids have been changed clothes, they've eaten, they've had snacks, they.

I've done the dishes 16 times.

There's like, there's movement that happens.

And doing your best to stay behind them to get it all picked up and put away and taken care of, and maybe just to reset it to the place it was when you left is all the farther I could get.

But if you like, nowadays we have cameras and videos and phones and you can, like, show everything that you do.

And I know that social media is such a good thing sometimes, and it's not a good thing Sometimes, because you can compare yourself to death on these people that look like they have it all put together, and they open the door and the child comes running to the dad with open arms, and everybody's happy and the house is perfectly clean.

And.

Yeah, that's.

That's just really not real.

And anybody who is achieving, trying to achieve that level, good for you.

I mean, we all try our best.

I try my best every day.

Don't always hit the mark.

But there's got to be grace.

If you don't have grace with each other, it's.

It's just not going to be a very happy life.

All right, so here's the deal.

We got to wrap this up.

Okay, Bye.

Sit down with your spouse.

Make a list of pink and blue jobs.

Yeah.

Have a fun discussion.

Probably hopefully not an argument, but have a fun discussion.

Like, whose job is the trash?

Whose job is the dishes?

Whose job is the laundry?

Whose job is the yard?

Whose job is, you know, whatever.

Just go.

Just go down the list.

Well, and we can send you the list if you want that list, just type pink and blue in the bottom.

Yeah, well, we can.

Yeah, we'll send it out.

Yeah.

And then when something falls through the cracks, you know exactly who you can blame.

Now, now, here's the thing.

What God has joined together.

Let no LLC pull apart.

Don't let your business take over your life.

Don't let it steal from your family.

Okay.

When.

When you.

When you prioritize things.

Right.

I believe God's going to honor that.

Of course, you've got to be a better leader.

You got to build a team of people.

You got to have systems at work.

And you.

You need systems at home, though, too.

Systems at home, too.

I mean, it's just a reality.

You should run your home similar to your to work.

If it's not on the calendar, it doesn't happen.

I'm sorry, but you.

If you don't schedule meetings with your spouse, dates with your spouse, things with the kids, expectations, it's just not clear.

And that's not kind.

Yeah.

So you putting it on the calendar, that's the recommendation, like put on.

I'm saying make a.

Make a list of blue and pink.

And you're saying put it on the calendar.

I mean, I would do both.

Yeah.

Do both.

Those are some good.

Those.

That's your homework friends for the week.

That's your homework.

Each other.

Yeah.

Love you.

Bye.

God bless.

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