Fear isn’t the enemy — it’s the invitation.

In this raw and unfiltered episode, Kellan rips the mask off fear and shows how the very thing we run from is the portal to our greatness. Every dream, every transformation, every spiritual awakening begins when we stop avoiding the monster in the mirror — and start listening to it.

This isn’t just a message about courage. It’s a blueprint for self-mastery.

If you’re tired of letting fear dictate your path, this episode will light the fire that changes everything.

📘 Stop Running: Embrace Pain to Unlock the Divine Courage Hidden in Your Fear

• Why fear is not your enemy but your guide
• The hidden power inside your darkest emotions
• What happens when you stop running and start facing yourself
• The truth about transformation: pain is the price of rebirth
• How to make fear your ally and step into divine courage

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Join the Dream • Build • Write It Webinar — where bold creators transform ideas into movements.

👉 Reserve your free seat now at dreambuildwriteit.com

The Monster in the Mirror: Why Fear Is the Door to Your Power

Have you ever stopped to think about what really scares the daylights out of you? I mean, that just winds that feeling up in your stomach. It's time for truth. This is Tools, power, and real talk so you can create the life you dream and deserve: your ultimate life. You have infinite power. Welcome to your ultimate life.

Living the ultimate life is the opposite of being scared to death. It's the opposite of having fear grip your heart in a way that feels overwhelming, uncontrollable, like, "What am I possibly going to do about that?". Sometimes it feels like there's nowhere to hide or nothing you can do about it.

I had a program. I have it, and you can have it for free if you want, called Master Your Monsters. Go to kellenflukiermedia.com and use the contact form to tell me you want the program for free, and I'll give it to you.

Master Your Monsters is a little play on words. When we were little, often there's a place under the bed or in the closet or in some dark corner where you feel like something is waiting—something unspeakable or something fearful, something unknown—that represents some danger to you. You're afraid of it.

When I was a youngster, I had such a place, and it wasn't in my bedroom; it was in the cellar of my grandpa's place in Wyoming. It wasn't concrete like the basement; it was earth, and they used it to store bulk stuff like fruit, vegetables, potatoes, and carrots. The truly terrifying part, the monster, was a water pump in the corner of that cellar. The pump made a tremendous noise and came on suddenly and loudly whenever the water tank got low, and that was terrifying for me. That was a horrifying monster. That was real for me.

So, I ask you what your monsters are. We're talking about ghosts, monsters, not the ones that are in horror movies like Halloween, but the ones in your heart. Ones in your mind, the ones that scare you and keep you from doing things you know you want to do.

What about those? How many of those do you have?

Maybe they're conversations you don't dare have, difficult conversations.

Maybe there's something drastically wrong in your relationship, and you need to have a terrifying conversation.

Maybe there's something dramatically wrong in your health, and you don't want to go to the doctor.

They kill your:

Creativity.

Passion.

Zest for life.

Faith in the future.

Belief in your possibility and opportunity.

You know this is true. The bigger the ghost is, the sicker you get to your stomach every time you think about it, and you just want it to go away through distraction or whatever. Those ghosts are killing you.

What I'd like to talk about is what to do about the fear that accompanies the unknown. You don't know what's going to happen if you:

Address a difficult conversation.

Go to the doctor and figure out what's really wrong.

Really dig into your finances to see how "scary" it really is.

First of all, know that you're not alone; this happens to all of us all the time. It will continue to happen and wreck your dreams, trash your life, and rob your joy until you learn to deal with it. Lots of people go through their whole lives as "conflict avoidant". This applies to internal conflict, conflict with a partner, or a child.

Before we talk about how to address these things, I want you to identify for yourself what things right now are really scary for you. List one to three things that you know you're avoiding, where you don't know the outcome, and you're scared to death to find out. Write them down.

Fear is a Messenger, Not a Monster

Here are some true facts: Fear is a messenger, not a monster. It's just telling you that there's some uncertainty, a thing you don't know. When I was learning to ski, getting to the top of a difficult run would put my stomach in my throat—that fear was a messenger saying, "I don't know what will happen here".

Fear isn't a real thing; it's a collection of neurotransmitters. A key point is that personal development is not fear-free, it is fear mastery. Living life without fear is not possible. I used to be paralyzed by fear, putting stuff off because I was afraid of a bad outcome—of getting in trouble, being disappointed, or losing money, a friend, or a contract.

I invite you to put the fear in the closet, to bury it, and to understand:

You're not alone. Everybody feels this.

Take a small different step. If your default is, "I can't do that, I'm afraid of what'll happen," and you quit, try something different. Some things require you to dive right into the deep end, but some things you can do a little at a time, like an experiment.

Separate failure from personal worth. When I failed, I used to view it as a personal indictment, a slap on my worth and worthiness, like it proved I was no good and deserved failure.

Approach things incrementally. Do part of a project and get feedback before it's finished.

Play the "What If I Win?" Game

Another way to deal with fear is to ask a different question. Fear is based on the idea, "What if I fail? What if I fall on my face?".

A different what if is: "What if I win? What if I actually win? What if it goes okay?" Playing that game is just as valid as playing the negative fear game of "What if I lose?". Thinking about winning brings up a whole different set of neurotransmitters: positivity, energy, excitement. Those outcomes are just as likely, so play the "what if" game and see if it allows you to begin.

Another helpful concept is: "Well begun is half done". Since you've had the experience where you're afraid of something, but after you start, it's not that big of a deal, use that. Block a time: "I'm going to spend 15 minutes on this project". When I write books, I don't think of the end game; I think of spending 15 minutes working on just the introduction or maybe starting with one of the true stories I'll use.

Naming, Feeling, and Forgiving

Here are some more things that might be holding fear for you: betrayals that never got discussed, or lies that never got cleaned up. A lie between you and your spouse that's never been admitted, owned, and cleared up is a "monster turd" in your relationship punch bowl, and living that way saps the relationship and your own heart's energy.

Make a list of two or three things you're afraid of, a "ghost" you haven't cleared up (a lie, a false impression, a dream you abandoned, or a betrayal).

Another framework to choose is to allow yourself to feel it. Ask the question: "What am I actually afraid of? Like, what am I afraid is going to happen, really?"

You're not really afraid you're going to die.

You might be afraid you'll be super embarrassed.

You might be afraid someone's going to hate your guts.

It is helpful to name it until you feel like it really lands: "Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of". After naming it, just feel it. When you describe what you really think will happen, it loses a ton of power. Fear operates in the unknown gray area, and we catastrophize. Naming the specific outcome—"They just might not talk to me for a week"—and walking through the possible things is a powerful way to frame it.

If you're holding something against someone else, feel the feeling, name it, and then forgive them. Make a conscious choice to forgive whatever is standing in the way. What if you just chose to forgive? The fear of losing a friend or the fear it will never be resolved can evaporate from your heart immediately by forgiving, just because you can.

When we have unprocessed emotions (anger, betrayal, grief, fear) and don't go through and name them and process them, they get stale and fester, becoming a background level of fear. This background level of fear is real, powerful, and it robs you of your ability to add good to the world, infecting every interaction you have.

Speak the real fears out loud to lower their size and volume. It pulls the monster out of the closet. Fears are like a tiny mouse with a flashlight projecting a gigantic shadow on the wall, way out of proportion. Drag them into the light, name them, experience the feelings, and then make some choices to have at least the beginnings of a conversation.

Resolution and Self-Worth

A difficult conversation is always worth it because even if part or all of what you were afraid of happens, there is now resolution. More than 50% of the time—maybe 75, 80, or 90% of the time—the fear you feel ahead of time is way bigger than the resolution. No matter how it goes, the "flashlight mouse monster is brought down to size". Now that the dimension is there, you can actually begin to take concrete steps.

You cannot live your purpose, you cannot wave a flag, create a movement, and move something forward powerfully if your heart is filled with fear. Fear has an element of self-doubt and negativity; uncertainty is just uncertainty, and excitement can come from uncertainty.

When you feel that sensation of fear (neurotransmitters in your stomach, tight shoulders), another antidote is to focus on your breathing. Are you holding your breath or breathing shallowly? Stop and take five or six deep Box Breaths. Box Breath involves:

Breathe in for the count of four or six.

Hold it.

Breathe out slow for six.

Hold empty lungs for six.

Measured, slow breathing, holding at the top, and holding empty lungs at the bottom are very important, as holding empty lungs helps with the rapid breathing and hyperventilation fear can cause.

Visualize yourself standing in a dark hallway, looking at the ghosts (the three fears you named) guarding a doorway. The fact that you are feeling fear about a situation is an invitation to go meet the new, more powerful part of you. There is a version of you that has already handled the problem.

The outcome of anything is unrelated to your value. You are a divine being, a child of God, and your value is infinite. Your ability to use a skill or do a thing right now to an imagined successful outcome is an independent event. We have a mantra in our society that says how much money or success you have determines your value, but that is not true.

The phrase that can help you is: The outcome has nothing to do with my value. That liberated me, meaning I get to do the thing and walk away being valuable, powerful, and happy no matter what happened or how many people liked it.

You must separate your worth from the outcome. Go into every circumstance (a talk, a performance, a sales call, a conversation) "all in," determined to love and give every single thing you can. If it doesn't turn out like you imagined, don't worry about it anymore, and never connect it to your worth.

Call to Action

Go back and think about what you are actually afraid of. List the experiences that still carry ghosts—things you are avoiding and know you need to handle (personal, relationship, financial, health, etc.).

Pick one to attack today and do something to move that forward. The outcome is not as exciting as the fear. When you dissolve those neurotransmitters, two things happen:

The thing is handled one way or another.

You realize you can handle these things, and that liberates you from the "heavy sludge" of anticipation of failure.

With all my heart, I invite you to love yourself fiercely, furiously, freely. Love yourself like your life depends on it because it does. Your ultimate life awaits you: purpose, prosperity, and joy.

**This podcast is about creating your ultimate life. Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything. If you want to know more, go to kellanfluckigermedia.com.