Shownotes
In this episode as we draw 2020 to a close we looked at what we need to do to build a great relationship even if we don't already have a Partner.
Transcript
So we accept that if you a relationship is a result of your behavior and your behavior as a result of the practices and the habits that you you use, that you have. And so then we look at attitudes.
So your attitude to dating relationships is going to affect how enthusiastic you are, how much activity that you do and how and the quality that you bring to that. So having a more positive attitude about dating relationships means that you activate more of the best in other people.
It means that you meet the people who are more attractive and more not attractive in a physical sense, but more attractive as they have the qualities that create a more attractive relationship. So. We talked about personal narrative in the way that you rise, you improve your attitude. We talked about all relationships, create problems. So you may have problems initially in the start of dating. And when you start school, then you can have a problem somewhere late. There isn't going to be a problem solving problems.
It's which taught in the breakout group about the difference between a fixed and a growth mindset and where knowing that problems are something that you can resolve if you change what you do and life works out. And the model that we have is going to determine the problems that we face and adjusting the model that we have can prevent or resolve the problems along the way.
We then looked at skills. What abilities do we need to develop improve in order to have better dating, dating experience and relationship experience about what? Atwar relationship?
Next year, what difference can you do to improve the your knowledge, skills and confidence in terms of dating relationships? And so what action can you take to have better relationships? So we covered quite a lot of things, and if you follow through these, if you listen to the recording now, if you follow through and ask those questions of yourself, then you.
I can come up with an action plan for 2021 in 2021, I'm launching the relational mastery system and a relational mastery system is the habits, the practices, the process. Two dating. How do you have the confidence, how do you have the minorities that results in better relationships? How do you have the dating skill and the how do you choose your partner? And then how when you've met someone, how do you develop the relationship? How do you build the relationship that has less friction?
Welcome to honest talk about heartbreak, dating and relationships, relationships, the podcast helping you navigate your path to happy ever after with your host, Rob McPhillips. OK, so today we're today we're not going to have too much discussion, it's going to be more planning session, a session for you to really think about what you do next year to.
Put your relationships in the best position that they can be.
So I've got some questions to run through, and so we're going to run through those questions and mostly talk about them in the breakout rooms. And then we can come back and we can just get a couple of things from everyone. But we've got four questions. So that's going to take quite a bit of time for the sake of if you're listening to this and you're not actually here, then this is really, again, for you. These are questions for you to think about, because what can you do next year to make your relationships in the best position that you can?
So for anyone who's new here, what we do in the main room here where we are now, the discussion is recorded and so you can listen back on any of the past mishaps that we've had, the discussion that you have in the breakout rooms is private. OK, so before we actually get started with that, I'm just interested to know where you put in a chat or whether you want to hear what he has an interesting news resolution.
In our room, we actually don't have New Year's resolutions. We'll be doing some lifelong changes instead because people don't really stick to news or solutions. It just short term is like a spur of the moment thing. People kind of go, I'm going to do everything because I'm fed up with something. So it's a knee jerk reaction to a problem is not a realistic expectation. You're all hyped up, so you set yourself impossible goals and then you just set yourself up for failure.
So instead, what we say is, I want to change my life for better. I'm going to do this. Which comes back to what you were saying about relationships as well. Oh, yeah. I'm going to find a new partner next year. It's kind of unrealistic. I mean, life doesn't love your partner, so it's not like you're going to necessarily find somebody. You can, by all means, look things into thing. But you've got to look at yourself because to change yourself, you gotta be more likeable, I suppose, or somebody that or put things into perspective or put things into operation so that you can go and find someone, but not because it's a New Year's resolution.
And very wise and perfect set up for this evening.
AK. So if unless anyone else has any interesting. Different points. Well, I'm Guerin's. Sorry, I don't know if man is really interested, but it's short term, it's 20, 21, I'm sure it's interesting. Well, we're all we're all interested, aren't we? It's interesting for me.
Well, resolve my lingering marriage, finalize what it will become. No marriage and move on the new single Tell Me for 2020. Well, yes, that's it. Yeah.
Now, up close that chapter. Yeah, that sounds like I think once you come to a decision, it's you know, there is always a natural delay because to that it's hard to make that jump. But, yeah, if you've decided, then that's. It's time to collect. Yeah, and it's and it's going to be hard because I am giving up. Thirty four years of. Marriage and all that entails, it means I'm starting all over, so I've got to be I've got to have a very strong spine.
Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm sure you'll do it and you'll you'll be fine.
Oh, I'm stubborn and I don't give in, so I will be fine. I know. I am making sure that I'll be fine.
You better believe I will be fine because I think what this is also this group has helped me to do is not to waver because I was more or less resolved.
I knew that that was what I wanted to do.
But it's more of how you think of yourself and your place in what's about to happen and how you develop a plan of action that you can stick to. Because, you know, the there's that outcome that your your your sort of you can't you can you have a clear vision of a better word as the end game. Yeah. So thank you very much.
OK, and that leads us perfectly to the first question. So there's actually five questions we're going to ask, and the first one is, what is your vision for? Your relationship is next year, so you've got an ultimate vision of what you want your relationship to be. And then as as I said, what is? Like, what is the step, so we'll win. I think we all want this perfect relationship and whatever, but there is sometimes things that we have to put in place.
Because it's not just about meeting someone and then everything being magical. It's about you have to have the foundations for you, you have have the foundations for the relationship. So what what is the what would you like this time next year? What would you like to have achieved in terms of relationship? So I'm going to ask that question and we'll go to the breakout rooms and this will be a shorter one. So if we go for six minutes, I think I guess most groups two minutes per person.
So if you if you can kind of go for two minutes each. When you get a link to come back, don't come straight back, let it kick you out and you still a minute from when that when you get that warning. Are you frozen peas, frozen peas and Ice Cube is gone.
So anybody in terms of relationships or what is anyone got any plans? Yeah, I have.
Can I just share quickly what my problem is so I can get out the way? Yeah. So good to see everyone today. I not as face as I was last week. I've chilled out a bit you know. Yeah. Much. I've got all of that out right now.
I'm really, really changed now so.
And thanks for being so patient with me, I appreciate. Yeah, I've just got a job in a forest school, which has been a bit of a dream of mine to to sort of work in alternative education. So I don't actually believe mainstream education is always good for every child. I would really love to meet my partner in that kind of environment where we have a common goal, like a partnership, not like we fall in love and can't live without each other, that kind of stuff, but a real partnership and a completely meaningful.
Yeah, common values and a vision of because this has been my vision for about 15 years of building an eco therapy cabin in the forest to help children that have gone through trauma and for people in addiction that need to rehabilitate, you know, for families and children. And yes, this is my vision.
You see a shared vision, shared goals, shared purpose in life. Yeah. And then so preferably he would be quite good at building. So I'm good. I'm good at designing. So I would be the designer and preferably he could build the house so we could work together. That would be awesome. That would be that's my dream.
Will his name be Bob Bob the Builder. No, I think his name is going to be like Bill, not Bob. And I just want to make sure that's okay.
Sarah is a really good guy that you just described what you're looking for, that you should have a shared purpose and goals and values. That's really good. I'd be fine. I'd be fine.
Oh, Betty, it's so nice to hear your voice. I didn't know you were in the I didn't know you were here today. Lovely to hear from you.
Yeah, good. Well, thank you. As anyone else.
Got anything to add. So I was just trying to show you what we were saying was if we could decide for next year where be like to be playing the road this time next year in terms of relationships, not so much as a New Year's resolution, but, you know, ideal situation will be hopefully find my life partner an amazing guy, you know?
But but but I mean, is that is that do you think that within a year you'll do that in a year?
I don't know. I guess like my learning now is how did how do you. How how do you. How do you enjoy the journey while you wait for someone who is absolutely amazing, because I'm not going to settle for anything else that is just absolutely amazing anymore. I'm done. Yes. Me first.
This time, you have to be able to enjoy the ups and the downs of the rollercoaster.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I'm just hoping to make friends by this time next year. I mean, obviously, I'd love to find somebody who will kind of go, well, you know, this is it. But I am being careful not to set myself any unrealistic expectations because then I'm setting myself for failure and it's just disappointment. So if I can meet a couple of people and have one or two good friends, that's, you know, anything about that is icing on the cake.
I am looking for fun if you are on the road, whether are you in London.
Let's go.
Though, just tell me and I'll be there. But on Wednesday nights and Friday nights, also dancing. You know, I've got to get home.
I'm sorry. It has to be in the day. Okay. So was a really nice family atmosphere.
Yeah. But you see, I'm at the stage where I think having lists what can.
Yeah.
You know what? On one hand it's good to know what you want, but I don't want to create a list that I am going to be checking boxes against somebody because they may be quite different, but yet still they are the best fit for me.
I am not looking for a husband and looking for somebody who complements me and enables me to be my whole self, including all of my craziness.
You either love it or you hate it.
And who is not threatened by my independence.
So that's going to be a hard sell, I'm sure.
And as I said in my group, I am not going to be this again. Been there, done that. So I don't want any projects.