Shownotes
Comedy, Politics, and the Power of the Presidential Butt
Hey, it’s Earnest Mann, and I’m here to offer you something different today. Let’s face it, we could all use a laugh, and while I’m no Doug Stanhope, I’ve got something that will make you think and crack up. We’re diving into something as odd as it is hilarious: the influence of height and, believe it or not, butt shape in political elections.
Why Do Tall Candidates Win Elections?
I share an intriguing fact—tall politicians usually win. It’s a trend backed by data, but it doesn’t stop there. Apparently, their butts also play a role. Yes, you heard that right! I stumbled upon this theory, and after digging into it, I found a surprising pattern: no candidate with a flat behind has ever won the presidency.
Political Comedy or Reality?
This may sound ridiculous, but think about it—how many flat-ass presidents can you name? None. And with new trends emerging, who knows what happens when women enter the race? The idea is funny, yet somehow, it shows how superficiality can creep into something as serious as politics. And yes, Trump’s got a plump one, if you’re wondering.
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Transcripts
0:00
if it's one thing I think we could all
0:01
use right now it's a good laugh
0:04
unfortunately I'm not a very good
0:07
comedian so with the exception of Doug
0:09
stanh hope and a few others there's
0:11
simply nowhere to get your [ __ ]
0:14
comedy fixed these days so you'll have
0:16
to rely on me an old third string comedy
0:19
quarterback whose best days are
0:21
definitely behind him and even those
0:24
days weren't that [ __ ] great I was
0:27
like a poor man's leis black and I mean
0:30
a really [ __ ] poor
0:32
man if you work for a living why do you
0:36
kill yourself
0:38
working
0:40
well thank you for being
0:43
here it's
0:45
Friday we made it through another
0:49
week I hope it wasn't too bad mine
0:53
was um well pretty [ __ ]
0:58
horrific but that's the way it goes
1:01
sometimes it was yeah it was non-stop
1:04
crazy and again if you've ever been
1:06
through that yeah so it's the kind of
1:09
[ __ ] that you look at and uh you say wow
1:14
I'm I'm glad that shit's
1:16
over you're going to like this episode I
1:21
believe a
1:23
lot because as you know I do tend to be
1:28
rather serious
1:32
but I discovered something
1:35
new it's so new in fact you don't I'm
1:40
sure you I'm I'm positive I'm absolutely
1:44
[ __ ] certain you haven't heard about
1:47
this in the mainstream Media or anywhere
1:49
else for that matter and I just stumbled
1:54
on it it just it was one of those
1:58
things that I listen to a guy and he
2:02
gave it to me
2:05
now
2:07
this even with all the interwebs and and
2:11
and we think we have a tendency to think
2:14
we're you know gods of information
2:16
because we have online data and we can
2:21
virtually find
2:23
anything but not this this is
2:28
different and and um it to say ITA it
2:33
came as it came as a big surprise to me
2:37
and uh
2:39
so
2:41
um what's it
2:43
about of course you want to know what
2:45
it's about I promise I'm going to get to
2:48
it it's it's just the suspense of it
2:51
because you
2:53
know
2:55
and when this gets out just be before I
2:59
spill the
3:01
beans hold yourself calm down we're
3:05
going to get to it but it's like a fine
3:07
meal you want to you want to relish it
3:11
don't want to just blurt it out
3:14
there and you're going to find
3:16
that if enough people have seen this
3:22
it's going to be all over the place in
3:23
the news you cuz you know how this [ __ ]
3:26
happens that's the way it goes it just
3:29
it just goes that way and that's it
3:31
that's the way it is once once someone
3:33
kicks it out there
3:36
hey now do not think for a moment this
3:40
is about politics it's not I'm just
3:44
using this as an
3:46
example but it directly affects politics
3:50
and I never knew
3:52
this
3:54
so first of all before I go into it
3:57
though and remember there's a very good
4:01
chance this could be very funny but
4:03
before we do
4:04
this I strongly
4:07
suggest um and this is only a suggestion
4:10
do what you
4:12
will but I would strongly suggest that
4:14
you
4:16
have one two I don't know maybe three or
4:20
more of your favorite adult
4:25
beverage and I
4:28
guarantee after after you do this or as
4:32
you're enjoying what I'm about to tell
4:34
you you'll walk away not only much more
4:39
informed but you're going to think this
4:41
is
4:43
hilarious the effects may not be the
4:45
same if you're totally you know not inv
4:49
vibing as they say but uh you know do as
4:52
you
4:53
will and there you have it so here is a
4:57
factoid and I and I and I went through
5:01
this because I am interested in the
5:03
political
5:04
game and um I went through this and I
5:06
found this this strange uh
5:10
factual uh
5:12
correlation and it is that um the
5:16
tallest uh
5:18
competitors usually
5:20
always regardless of the party
5:24
affiliation the tallest guys win the
5:28
election
5:30
I don't know if you knew this you can
5:32
actually you can actually look this up
5:35
part of this it's so amazing is that um
5:38
you know basically what it's shown hands
5:41
down pretty much is that short and
5:44
squalet kind of guys they don't do well
5:47
people vote for tall
5:49
guys it's true it is statistically
5:54
true and uh but there's another part of
5:57
this that is also
6:00
uh statistically
6:02
significant and there's no other way to
6:04
say this I'll just lay it out here for
6:07
you but it h it also it has to do
6:12
directly with their
6:17
ass
6:19
now how on Earth is the combination any
6:23
kind of
6:24
combination I know what you're probably
6:26
their ass their
6:28
ass I'm going to tell you
6:32
how they discovered that
6:36
um what was what what had been happening
6:39
for some time is you know the candidates
6:42
up until just recently have all been you
6:46
know
6:47
men and uh but when the men are on the
6:51
campaign Trail and they take their you
6:54
know sport jacket off or maybe sometimes
6:56
they're not even wearing that
6:59
it's the men that have the most uh
7:03
attractive asses also as a as a
7:07
proportion of their
7:10
height that win the
7:12
elections
7:14
now some might say that beauty is in the
7:17
eye of the beholder but here's a
7:20
truth um asses help to win the election
7:25
in proportion to their height and
7:28
they're not just any kind kind of ass
7:30
we're talking something very specific
7:33
here bear with
7:38
me um it has to have a certain amount of
7:46
plumpness now it just so
7:49
happens that Donald Trump has that
7:52
plumpness I'm not necessarily talking
7:54
about being
7:56
overweight we're not talking about a
7:58
lard ass here
8:00
[ __ ] but it has to have that
8:03
bump right on the
8:07
asset that there is there is a
8:12
correlation so I didn't know this until
8:16
I uh I was actually all I was doing is I
8:19
went to my you know my favorite watering
8:22
hole and there was uh an older guy there
8:26
older than myself and I started telling
8:29
him about these correlations you know
8:32
concerning their height and he just
8:34
nonchalantly said but yeah but you know
8:36
about their ass
8:38
too and I said no what do you mean and
8:42
he's you know we're eating he's having a
8:44
little meal he like yeah he's just
8:47
cutting his food you know yeah well
8:50
it's it's Whoever has the best
8:55
ass well this was a revelation to me
9:00
like I didn't know this please oh yeah
9:03
yeah you see the guy if he's got the ass
9:05
bump it it's
9:06
good and um I so yeah now do not confuse
9:13
that with the flat ass this is the one
9:17
where you know it's it's basically like
9:20
going off a [ __ ] cliff it just
9:22
comes straight down
9:25
no won't win the election we have never
9:30
and it's been
9:32
checked I checked
9:34
it we have never not once not once had a
9:38
flat ass
9:40
president
9:42
now of course you're going to say well
9:45
this whole game changer now is with
9:48
women that are you know running for you
9:50
know presidency and vice president this
9:52
that it throws a whole different uh
9:56
mechanism into the game here it's new
9:59
[ __ ]
10:02
because you know from a man's point of
10:04
view if I had to look at a woman and if
10:07
on no other qualifier at all
10:11
none just their ass that would be simple
10:15
think about how [ __ ] simple that
10:18
would be us guys together we'll make it
10:21
a party they just just put put the put
10:24
the candidate in a [ __ ] bikini or
10:26
whatnot have Walk The Runway or
10:28
somewhere else else in public something
10:30
you know you got to do that but we're
10:32
making it like a you know like a like a
10:34
a football party kind of thing and on
10:37
the big screen and the camera just you
10:39
know it just it just [ __ ] it keeps
10:41
just zooming right in on their ass and
10:44
all this guy you know it's like a sports
10:45
thing we're taking notes oh yeah oh look
10:48
[ __ ] look at that did you see
10:51
that so as far as the the whole woman
10:55
thing that's that's pretty new the whole
10:57
thing is pretty new but but I'm I'm
10:59
willing to bet probably very
11:03
quickly um yeah this is going to EV you
11:06
know Elevate into we'll call it I don't
11:10
know for politics let's we'll call it
11:14
asscam
11:15
huh it's me I'm I want to patent it that
11:19
name we're going to call it you know we
11:21
where we do this the thing is what they
11:23
do and they go like that or I don't know
11:26
what the [ __ ] they do or something like
11:29
something like that just [ __ ] just
11:32
zoom right in there call it ass
11:36
Cam and pretty soon that's the only
11:38
[ __ ] qualifier you need but I'm
11:41
telling you this is
11:43
real I didn't know this this old fella
11:46
at the uh at the bar told me and I
11:49
started checking into it we have never
11:52
had never had a flat ass president think
11:57
about that
11:59
now on is if we're going to have men and
12:03
that's going to continue and I assume it
12:05
is the only thing you need to be
12:08
concerned about is their ass so when
12:11
they have a press meeting and this that
12:13
and the
12:14
other you know imagine all those
12:16
reporters and all that [ __ ] and someone
12:19
could finally raise their hand and say
12:22
well yeah that's all well and good
12:24
you're going to fix the economy and
12:26
you're going to bring back jobs and
12:29
you're going but what about are you
12:32
willing to take off your sport coat and
12:35
show us your
12:39
ass
12:41
just just a
12:44
thought just a thought
