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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis
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experience. I'm your host Aurora. I'm so happy to spending
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some time with you today. Last time it was Troy Vincent,
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hosting the show. And I really hope you enjoyed the interview.
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Today it is just you and me. I decided to talk about a topic
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that was requested over Facebook by a dear listener, I really
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appreciate your comment, every comment on Facebook every like
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of course, but the comments are so important because they truly
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show me who you are and what you're going through. And that
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way I can serve you and help you. We are herd animals,
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animals, we need each other. If you open up to the right person,
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you can really experience like magic and deep healing and deep
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connection. That's why I love my job so much. And my podcast
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here. If you feel like supporting my podcast, don't
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hold back, I put a link in the show notes. It's called buy me a
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coffee and there you can buy me a coffee. Or what also means a
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lot to me and helps this podcast is to leave a review on Apple
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podcast and a rating. Just a five star rating would be
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awesome. All right, I'm gonna leave my humbleness behind and
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dive into today's episode. Now. I want to call this one. No
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tears shed. So what my friend and listener explained to me
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shared with me is that several people, very important people in
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his life had passed. I think he said over the last 20 years he
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has lost his parents and other family members and people who
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were very close to him. And up until today, he could not shed a
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tear
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for them. Why is that? I'm gonna explore while I'm with you. On
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today's episode today what first came to mind is that I could
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totally relate.
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I could totally feel what he feels. Something happens. Where
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you've learned. Be it social media movies. Yeah, from other
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people. You are supposed to be sad. No, you are supposed to
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cry. And it just doesn't come, the sadness just doesn't come.
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You are more rational than others. You are a problem
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solver. You are a rock for other people, maybe even the provider
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of the family. And you just can't come up with the time. But
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it is more the space and the energy to just crumble and cry
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and be sad. What I've experienced then is that when
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others do I look down on them. Or I feel like Yeah, well, but
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how are you going to function in society now? How are you going
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to get up tomorrow and go back to work? How you going to be
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that provider that you need to be for your family. So it's not
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only looking at yourself and seeing that holy, I can't even
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cry but looking at others and seeing that they react very
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differently to you. Now what is normal? What is good? What is
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expected from you? What do you expect from yourself? I fear if
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we don't show these emotions, we beat ourselves up or we feel
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strange or we can't really make sense out of it because people
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around us obviously react differently. I also feel that
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when you are in a position where you have nobody next to you that
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you feel could hold space for you, then what is the point, if
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you're surrounded by people who need you, who need you to be
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strong, who need you to be the provider, who never like on a,
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you know, daily or weekly basis, really, truly ask you how you
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are doing. If you learn to not open up to these people, because
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they are so dependent on you, or they cannot hold space for you
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to show true emotions, then what's the point of opening up?
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I don't think it's a, you know, rational decision that we take,
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when we can't cry. When everybody around us would cry. I
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think it's a feeling of safety that we're lacking. We know that
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our feelings could not like we could not get the support we
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needed if we were to crumble. So we hold it all together, all
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tight. We don't allow anybody to come close. We put our heads
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down and become workaholics, or indulge in video games or
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cooking or porn or whatever it is that is out there that can
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distract us. We kind of stuffed that pain down. I really don't
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think and believe that you're lacking empathy and that you're
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not capable, to truly connect with a person and to truly love.
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If you did not cry at your parents funeral, I believe that
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you are a deeply sentient being. But you didn't find the space to
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express these feelings yet. You didn't give yourself sir. Sorry,
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you didn't give yourself that time. You were kind of in a rat
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race, and had to function more than to feel and go deep. And
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you know, that's not a bad thing. That's what our brain
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does. Our emotional body does. When we are in survival mode,
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kind of, you know, I think if we are in an environment, if we
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live a life, where you can express your feelings where you
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can just, you know, let it all out for a little bit period,
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just 90 seconds. Apparently, what we've learned the last
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episode and emotion last 90 seconds. Everything that goes
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beyond is your decision. But yeah, I believe if you have an
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environment where you know, you can talk about your feelings,
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then maybe you could have shed a tear and expressed yourself how
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you feel. I really hope I'm, I'm on it. I'm onto something here
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and I can't wait. I'm burning to hear the feedback from my
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listener to know if it was a help. I think we have to learn
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to surround ourselves with people where we can feel safe,
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where we can express ourselves and know that it's not only
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going to deepen our relationships with these people
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and make us feel safe, but it is also deeply healing for our
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bodies. Because imagine your body being a cup of water and
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the emotions that you go through and that you don't express. It's
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just like paint or salt or sand that you add to this cup of
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water. And the more that you stuffed into that cup of water,
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the less water is going to actually going to be there and
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the more stuff is going to clutter up and clog up your
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heart and your arteries and to stuff and your body stuff and
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your energy, right, you're going to be dense, you're going to be
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more aggressive, you're going to be more triggered, faster
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triggered if you hold these emotions in. And after
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suppressing your emotions like that, of course, it's not going
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to be easy to Yeah, just listen to one of auroras episodes, and
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then oh, you know, I'm gonna release them in a quiet and safe
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place. No, that's not how it goes. But for next time, when
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something happens, truly, like, Listen to your intuition and
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find out okay, do I have people around me that I could pour my
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heart out? was a deeply connected to that person that
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people are expecting me to cry for? Or was that relationship,
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not that good, because that's another point. If that person
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that passed away, is gone now and your life is better, then
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that's okay, too. You can make peace with that person, even
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after they passed, and still send them love and appreciation
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for all the good times. But if they're not truly missing in
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your life anymore, then that's alright. as well. You know, so
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many times we think that society is expecting us to function a
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certain way to react a certain way. And then if we don't, then
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Oh, my God, we are the weird person out. We have to beat
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ourselves up. Now we have to feel ashamed and guilty. Because
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we didn't react the way people wanted us to. Maybe you still
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hold deep resentment towards the people that passed, and this is
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why you were not able to cry. It is really important than to work
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it out with a coach or somebody that you trust, to let go of
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that resentment and to air out that energy. To have you express
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what hurts you most. And to reframe that story. And to know
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that, hey, that person is gone now. They're never going to be
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able to harm you again. And they worked outside of the norm or
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they hurt you. Beyond Yeah, incredible pain, and we can heal
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that. So explore what it is. Is it that people are not making
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you feel safe? Is it that you hold? deep resentment? Is it
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that your living situation is so tight? That you think if you
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were to express yourself, you couldn't function anymore, it
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would go so bad, it would go so deeply sideways, that you
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couldn't hold your job anymore, or be in a relationship anymore,
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or be a father or mother anymore. I'd love to explore
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this with you together. So if you hear this now and feel I'm
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talking to you, please send me a message and let me know what you
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think it is. And then we can explore further. I'd love to
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support you and love to find out with you what it's all about. Or
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Alright, I'm going to leave you with this and know that this is
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a safe place. You are a good person, you are a person with a
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growth mindset because you wouldn't be listening to my
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podcast, if you were not. So also be very grateful and
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appreciative and proud of yourself. Okay. I'll be back out
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there on Monday for you. In the meantime, connect with me over
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Facebook, add me on Facebook. I'm always curious to see where
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people come from listening to this podcast, sending my love
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out to you. Bye bye
