On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, I talk about what I call spiritual roadmaps - those​inner ​"TripTiks" that help us ​to move from where we are ​-to​- where we really want to be​.

I share a​ story about driving cross-country with ​one of those old-school, highlighted, AAA paper maps and how that kind of customized route is wicked similar to spiritual mentoring, coaching, and doing your own inner work.

We dive into why ​reading more books, ​listening to another podcast, and ​buying another course ​(aka: just gathering more information) isn’t enough ​to create change - especially if you're not willing to apply what you’ve learned!​

​I also share why no ​mentor, coach, therapist, or partner can “drive the ​feckin’ car” for you​.​

I ​mention A Course in Miracles, nervous system resilience, and personal responsibility - plus, why you’ve got to want the change more than anyone else in the room​!

If you’re tired of feeling stuck ​over there on “Suffer Island”​...

​And you find yourself always ​saying you want change​, but ​then avoid ​doing what you need to do to chang​e, ​then this episode is ​a loving nudge just for you! ❤️

KAREN KENNEY BIO:

Karen Kenney is a writer, speaker, podcaster, certified spiritual mentor, and coach.

She’s known for her dynamic storytelling, her sense of humor, her Boston accent, and her no-bullshit approach to spirituality, self​-development, and transformational change work.

KK helps people to navigate this whole “being human” experience using a variety of practical tools, personal stories, and universal principles.

She's been a yoga teacher for 25+ years, has been a Thai Yoga Massage practitioner since 2008.

Karen is also a Gateless Writing Instructor, the creator of WRITE CLUB , and the host of The Karen Kenney Show podcast.

She coaches clients individually in her 1-to-1 program: THE QUEST and in her HEART-TO-HEART DAYS using Voxer. She also leads a group program and community called THE NEST.

CONNECT WITH KAREN:

Website: http://karenkenney.com/

Podcast: https://www.karenkenney.com/podcast

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karenkenneylive/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karenkenneylive/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@KarenKenney

It's the Karen Kenney Show. Hey, you guys!

Welcome to the Karen Kenney Show. I'm wicked excited to be

here with you today. And today we're gonna go on a little

journey. So I'm gonna call this sucka spiritual roadmaps. I

don't know if it's the best title. I just have to pull these

things kind of out of my ass, and I know I always laugh

because I'm sure marketing people out there would be like,

you should pick better titles. You should search what your

quote-unquote ideal client or avatars are searching, and then

take those keywords and put them in the titles. And you guys, I

just I can't. I'm just not. This is not how my brain works. I'm

kind of sometimes a literal person. It's like I'm the kind

of person that if I see a title that piques my curiosity, I'm

gonna go check it out. So I'm not super fancy. I'm just like,

okay, we're gonna call this spiritual roadmaps. So hopefully

enough of you are gonna be curious enough to give this

sucker a listen, and here we are, and I'm back. Okay, so

speaking of a road map, back in 1998, I was still living in

California, and for a wicked long time, most of the time that

I lived in LA and Los Angeles, I did not have a car. So I either

took the bus, or my friends would pick me up and give me a

ride to work, or whatever, right? But if you can imagine

taking the bus for like six years, over six years in in LA

was like a trip. But I eventually was able to get a

car. I got a trusty old Toyota, as usual. It's all I've ever

owned. I had a Toyota Forerunner, by far my favorite

vehicle I've ever owned, and I was at this point in 1998

getting ready to move back east. So I had to get my ass from

Burbank, California, to Concord, New Hampshire. Like that was the

thing. So I had met somebody and had fallen in love, and I was

moving. I was leaving California to come back east, and I was

going to be living in New Hampshire for the first time

ever. And so back in the day, it was like when you drove cross

country. Like you got to remember, 1998, there weren't

cell phones, like at least you know regular cell phones, and

there was not. There was no GPS. There was none of that stuff, so

we did everything you guys by Papa Maps, if you can believe

it. We had to navigate by Paper Maps, and what was wicked cool

is that AAA. Like if you went into a AAA office, you could get

these wicked cool things called triptychs. Now double A men

hands, if you guys have ever had and used a triptych? Okay, so I

am currently I have been a member of AAA for 31 years. AAA

for me is just like a little peace of mind in my back pocket.

I just get to go like, if God forbid I break down traveling

somewhere, I can just call those guys and somebody's going to

come and they're gonna help, you know, fix my flat or put the put

the thing on or tow my car or get me the safety, right? So I

was a AAA member. I knew I was doing this wicked long trip, and

I went to go see them, and so it was gonna be like something like

202,962 miles. This is like 44 hours of driving, and the cool

thing about triptychs back in the day is you would go in, and

this is all going to make sense in how it applies to your life.

So please, just stay curious, stay like buckle up, buckle up

for safety. Stay with me here. It's all going to make sense in

a minute. So you would go into the office, and a AAA travel

agent would literally print out your starting point, so you

would basically go to them and you'd say, "I'm here right now,

and I want to get here. I want to go over here, right?

And you'd go into their office, and they would print out these

really cool little spiral-bound maps, and it would be a

continuous map from where you are all the way across the

country or wherever you were going, and they would either

bind them either on the top or the side, and then the travel

agent would literally sit with you and they would take a

highlighter and they would highlight by hand. They would

draw by hand right that highlight line from the route to

your beginning address to your final destination address. It

was wild, and it was specific directions that were mapped out

mile by mile by mile just for you. It was like a custom

itinerary. It was so cool, and then they would also put in like

points of interest. They would put in rest stops sometimes

where you could find places to eat or bathrooms or whatever. It

was so cool, and they'd be like, "Hey, when you're passing

through here, you might want to go see the Grand Canyon. Hey,

when you're passing by here, this is where the world's

largest ball of twine or whatever it is, right? And you

would want to go see these specific points. So it was so

cool, and I. I was just thinking about this recently, and I was

thinking about how coaching and spiritual mentoring-being a life

coach, being a spiritual mentor, being a guide, whatever we want

to call that that particular job, which is part of what I do

in life. Whether you're a yoga teacher, anybody who's really

teaching and leading other peoples, but usually with

coaches and mentees in particular, it's very very

similar to personal triptychs. They are literally like to me.

What I'm doing as a spiritual menta is helping to route,

helping people to find their way on their own spiritual like

journey, on their own spiritual roadmap, and that's what a good

coach or a mentor does is we help you with your roadmap. So

sometimes people will come to you, you know, and they'll and

you'll be like, okay, so you know we can use different

language for it. But let's say they're suffering. Let's say

there's a problem or a situation situation or a a particular

mindset or a particular belief or story. I always talk in

stories-a story that they're telling themselves. And this is

what it usually is. They'll say, "I'm here, and but they don't

want to be there anymore for whatever reason. They're like,

"I'm so sick of feeling this way. I'm so sick of thinking

this way. I'm so sick of picking the wrong people. I'm so tired

of not writing the book or not getting it done, like whatever

kind of coach you are, right? And they'll say, "Okay, how do

you want to feel instead? Where do you want to be instead?

What's the vision you have for yourself? What's the goal? Where

do you want to be? And it's like, "I'm here. I'm holding up

my hand right over here on the left, and it's like, and I want

to be here. And there's a gap in between those places, and that

gap is usually the spiritual roadmap. It's the personal

development roadmap, right? It's like, okay, this is this is the

journey, as they would say. Like so many, so many coaches of

coaches, they'll say things to you like when you're first

starting out, right? So you're a person. is on Suffer Island over

here, and they want to be on like Happy Island over here, and

you are the thing that gets them from point A to point B. And I'd

always be like, no, no, no, no, no. Like even that language

never resonated with me. I'm like, I'm not the thing that

gets them from point A to point B. They're the thing that gets

them from point A to point B. My job is I'm going to help you map

it out. I'm going to hopefully give you some helpful tools and

resources that you can use, like that map. Right? I might talk

you through some of the tough parts, right? So that's what a

good coach will do. They'll say, "Okay, this is where you are.

You're anxious. You're this. You're that. Here are some

tools, right, to help maybe regulate, right? And I, I'm, I'm

very, I'm very.

I always say, I, I think we've been sold this bill of goods

that we have to have like a regulated nervous system all the

time, which for me is like impossible. I think I talked

about this last week. What I what I like to help people to do

is to have a more resourceful nervous system, a more resilient

nervous system, a nervous system that can respond to life, right?

And yeah, sometimes you're going to feel really regulated and

great, but a lot of times we're gonna we're gonna jump out of

like our happy space, our nice calm regulated space because

life happens and shit happens, and you get anxious or you get

nervous, you get depressed, you get whatever. For me, a healthy

nervous system a lot is one that can come back to that state, but

it doesn't mean you just stay in it all the time, like blissful.

That that to me is just not realistic. So what a good coach

can do is say, okay, we're here. Here are some tools to help you

do X, Y, and Z, right? To maybe bring you out of a you know like

fight and flight, out of the fear state, back to a state

where your prefrontal cortex can come back online, where your

creative thinking and your problem solving can happen, and

you can make a choice from a place of love, from a place of

more calm and ease, so that you're not out of your mind when

you're making decisions. Right, and here are some steps you can

take. Here are some tools and some resources. Here are some

books you can read. Here's what my lived experience has been. If

any part of my story helps, right? Here's a part of it. Or

tell me more about your story. Let's look at these patterns and

these habits. Whatever you're getting, the gist of what I'm

saying, right? So we can kind of map things out. We can give

resources, and we can say, hey, if you're over here, right,

point A, right, and you want to get to this other place, here

are some things that you can do. Here are the things that you can

follow. Whether you want to call them steps, whether you want to

call them putting tools in the toolkit, what whatever it is,

systems you want to put some systems in place. You want to

build better habits. You want to change the identity. You want to

rewire the subconscious. You want to you. Know put in

whatever tools you're using, right? That's what a good coach

can do. But what we cannot do, just like AAA, triple A was

like, hey, you're taking this trip. Here's your little

triptych. Here's some places where you might need to stop and

rest, right? And that's what I always say that a good spiritual

mentor or a good coach does is we will often say like hey

here's some places where you might need to take a little nap

here's where you might need to take a little rest it's almost

like a sherpa who has traveled the mountain before you and has

found some places has found some tools is like hey when you're

packing your bag you might want to throw this in there, and hey,

when you get wicked tired, you might want to rest. Or hey, this

is going to be the point on the trip when you're probably going

to want to give up. It's going to be like probably right before

the good stuff is going to happen, and you're going to

think like, oh, I can't do it. I can't change. It's not going to

happen. Da da da da da. So we're very similar, right, to that AAA

agent, like giving you a. I think of it as like a spiritual

triptych. You know what I mean? It's like we're gonna try and

help you to get from point A to point B. But the thing that we

can't do, just like the AAA agent can't do, is get in the

car with you and drive. We cannot do the driving for you.

You know what I mean. And I think of it like this: It's

like, yeah, you know, if you're somebody who does spiritual

mentoring or coaching, you get coaching in person, right? Like

I think about my friend Walter Norton Jr.

who I'm actually wearing one of their shirts, the Institute of

Performance and fitness, they're in North Reading, Massachusetts.

So if you're trying to get stronger for your particular

sport, or you're just an adult athlete and trying to like you

know stay strong, keep muscle in your body, move, be

cardiovascularly strong, stay healthy, have a better mindset,

all that stuff, right? Yeah, you can go into the gym, and Walt is

going to be in the gym with you, and he's going to be doing some

demonstrations, and he's going to be showing you, hey, if you

want to get from point A to point B, this is the shit you

need to do. But what he's not going to do for you, he's not

going to lift the weights for you. He's not going to eat the

good breakfast for you. He's not going to be like in bed making

with you, making sure you're getting enough rest, or that

you're checking your shitty attitude at the door, or

whatever. He can't do that for you, and I can't do that for you

either. And neither can the people around you, whether it's

a therapist or a coach or a mentor or a priest or your

family members or whatever. We can accompany you. I always say

I can accompany you. I might be able to take part of the ride

with you. I can walk along beside you. I can maybe even

hold your hand when things get tough. You know, you can call

us. I always say you can call me. Like if you get a flat tire,

you know, quote unquote flat tire, you can call me if you're

at a rest stop and you're exhausted and you're like, I

need a little guidance. You're feeling down in the dumps. You

need a little pep talk. You need a little support. A little

cheerleading. I'm, I'm, I'm your person. I can do that, but I

cannot drive for you. I cannot. Jesus, take the wheel, right?

Even Jesus, like we say, Jesus, take the wheel. Like we jokingly

laugh, right? But like on this trip, you've got to take the

wheel. And one of the things is is that I often will say to to

people, you know, and whether that's whether that's in yoga,

whether that's been in like helping people with writing or

speaking, or you know, helping people with spiritual mentoring,

coaching, whatever, et cetera, et cetera, in the nest,

whatever. At some point, I have said to people, you know, again

and again, I can't want this more than you do. It makes no

sense for me to want the destination or the desired

outcome more than you do. You have got to want it, and what I

have discovered over many, many, many years of doing this work,

and I've talked about this before, but it bears repeating,

is that so many people want change. They want the new

outcome. They want the new feeling. They want the new

experience. They want to have more money. They want to have

more joy. They want to have better health. They want to have

deeper, intimate relationships. They want to have fill in the

blank. I want. I want. I want. But a lot of times, what people

don't want, they want change, but they don't want to change.

And a lot of times, people think, "Well, if I read the

book, reading a book is fucking amazing. Don't get me wrong, but

what a lot of people tend to do when they go to work with

coaches or they go to work with people is that they like to

gather a ton of information. They're excellent, especially

the super smart ones. The people who love to intellectualize,

right? They don't like to feel too much. They like to think a

lot, and they like to rationalize, and they like to

intellectualize, and they like to talk it out. They like to

talk about things. What a lot of times they don't like to do is

feel things. And a lot of times, what all kinds of people, right?

I call it an application of the theory problem. They have all

the information. They apply. They they like they gather it.

They got the books. They read the podcast. They signed up for

the courses. They watched the videos. They journaled the

things down.

What they haven't done is take action. They haven't gotten in

the car, gotten the damn triptych, and actually applied

that shit. You know, and that's the thing. One of the cool

things about a Course in Miracles, no matter what people

think about it, right? It's not a religion. It's it's like kind

of think of it as like spiritual psychotherapy. But one of the

things I always thought was so fascinating about a course in

miracles over 35 years of being in relationship with this

material is that in the beginning, the first half, the

first section of the book is like the text, and this is like

the the theological. It's like the the theoretical principles.

It kind of lays out all these thoughts and ideas, but the

middle of it is the workbook. There's 365 daily lessons, and

the workbook is the practical application of the spiritual

theories, right, that have been laid forth in the text. And so

many people will say shit to me like, "Oh, I did a course in

miracles, and I'm like, "Oh, did you? Did you? I'm like, "You

might have read it, but did you apply it? Did you actually apply

the daily workbook lessons to your life? Because you can't do

this kind of work, Course and Miracles or otherwise. You

cannot read all the books and listen to the podcast and do all

this. In in if you apply it, change is probably going to

happen. It more than likely, right? You, you, you. Maybe it

won't get you to point B to your full destination, but it's going

to get you like most of the way or part of the way. But you've

got to be the one who takes the triptych, who takes the

resources, who takes the information, and then does

something with it. And I understand you guys. I

understand we bump up against so much resistance. Some people

might call it procrastination. Some people might call it fear.

To me, resistance is fear. Like I totally get it. I have bumped

up against so much resistance in my life, I I cannot tell you

like double amen hands. I get it. I feel it. I've been there.

Sometimes I still find myself there, and then I literally have

to like I jokingly say I got to Goggins myself, right? I got to

be like, doesn't matter that you don't feel like it right now.

You made a commitment. You got to keep your word to yourself,

or you got to keep your word to that person or whatever it is,

but here's wicked good news, you guys. And the next, I don't know

if it's going to be the next episode or two episodes after

that. I'm having a guest on my show. It's rare, you guys know.

It's rare that I have guests on one, like a few times a year.

This is a guest that was. I have this list of people I would love

to talk to and have on the show, and this is a fellow writer.

This is an author who I love, and he is what I would call one

of the the great. I don't even know if I. He is like to me when

I think of resistance. He is the number one person that comes to

mind, and helping people to break through resistance. I

cannot wait. I cannot wait for you guys. Oh my God! I can't

wait. I can't wait to do the interview. Never mind. So I'm

wicked excited to talk to him. I'm I'm kind of like teasing,

like, oh, should I say who it is? Should I say who it is? Oh

my God, you guys! I don't think I'm going to tell you just yet.

We'll see. But it's like buckle up for safety and stay tuned. So

if you're somebody who who who bumps up against resistance,

whether it's in setting goals or taking action or doing the damn

thing or writing the book or starting the whatever it is, my

guest is going to be able to help you with that, so stay

tuned for that. But this is what I want to say, you guys. So

often we have this idea, like I'm here and I'm stuck here, and

there is so much help out there. But you have got to, you know.

There's that old Joe. I think it's Joe Lewis quote.

I've talked about it before, and Joe Lewis says, you know, like I

can teach you. He's a boxer. He's a fighter, and he's like, I

can teach you all of like the moves. I can teach you the

punches. I can teach you all of that. And he's like, but I can't

make you a fighter. That has to come from inside of you. And

it's true, you know. And I know, like for a lot of community. For

a lot of people, they don't feel resourced enough. They don't

feel like that they can, you know, that old kind of American

adage of like pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Well, some

people don't have straps and some people don't have boots.

You know what I mean? So a lot of us do start in different

places with more privilege or more resources, more money, more

help, more support economically, you know, financially,

familialy, like your family. You have people around you who care

about you. Whatever, I get all that, but this is something

where, like, I really feel like this is why I said I've always

loved libraries because I think libraries even out the playing

field for poor kids, for underprivileged, for people who

maybe have not gotten an education, does not have the

resources or the know-how how to help themselves, and this is

why, to me, librarians are some of the greatest champions that

we have on the planet. But for those of you who are out there

and you are like trying to do the personal development work or

the spiritual work, and all the people who are quote unquote

doing the work. The work actually takes work, and like I

said, you can hire all the people you want. You can go to

therapy all you want. You can get the coach. You can whatever.

You can hire the personal trainer, but the personal

trainer is not going to lift the weights for you. The coach is

not gonna do do the like you know I can't come to your house

and make you do the homework that you get or I can't make you

apply the tool when you're being anxious you know and a lot of

times we hold on to those old patterns we hold on to those old

behaviors we hold on to those old ways of thinking. We hold on

to those old stories, and we refuse to give up the stories.

Like I always say, we want to move from our story to our

glory. You know, we want to move from that old way of thinking

that limits us and keeps us stuck, so that we can move into

the fullness, the wholeness, the truth. You know, that capital S

self that we really are, and whoever is helping you, whoever

is working with you, whoever is walking along beside you, cannot

make you do it. They cannot make you want it. You have got to

want it, and you got to take your triptych and you got to

apply it. You got to get in the car. You got to start the car,

and you got to put your foot on the gas, you know. And like I

always say, like you know, I offer these things called hot to

hot days because not everybody, you know, wants to jump right

into like four months of one to one coaching, right? So that's

my program, the Nest. I mean, the Quest, right? So not

everybody wants to jump into that, but I do these things

called hot to hot days, where it's like I call it like having

a coach in your pocket for like one day. So you choose either

like three hours or six hours. It's like a half day, more than

a half day, where we just over the boxer app. It's like a voice

messaging app. We go back and forth. It's not like nonstop,

right? This you could take a break, take your dog for a walk,

take a shower, eat some snacks, whatever. You know, use the

bathroom, whatever. But we're there to like work out whatever

it is that's on your mind or on your heart.

And you know how those days when you just need a good hat to

heart, you just need somebody to listen or to maybe help you look

at something from a different perspective or just get you know

somebody have somebody you trust to help you work through a

thing, and sometimes you don't even know exactly what the thing

is. You just know something's off, or something's wrong, or

you're in a funk or whatever. And so you know I do these

things called called hot to hot days, and that's the thing. It's

like somebody can walk along beside you, like even on a hot

to hot day, and be with you. I can be with you for part of the

way, but whatever I'm going to say to you, or whatever tools or

resources I might offer up, I can't make you use them. And I

think this is the thing that we often see. And unfortunately,

you know, we have a part of us. There's often a part of us that

maybe some people call it like the saboteur. It's like that

part of you that sabotages, but sometimes like that part of us

thinks that it's actually protecting us. It's like, well,

we can't do that because because what is maybe more healthy or

what is maybe more compassionate or kind, or what is more loving,

or maybe the thing is setting a boundary, even though it might

be you know again quote unquote better for us, it's unfamiliar.

Saying no to people, putting boundaries in place, going to

the gym, or starting to write that first paragraph, our first

sentence of your novel, or your book, or your memoir, or you

know, trying something new. You know, a lot of times for people,

the thing that would be safe, safety doesn't always feel safe

when it's unfamiliar to you. You know, it's like people all say,

like, "Oh, I want to." I want to be, you know, a part of

something, and then they get around other people who see them

and love them, and their just nervous system go freaks out.

It's like it doesn't know how to be around people who are saying

nice things or kind things or supportive things or you know

unshaming things, even though what we really need is an

unshaming witness. We're like, this is weird. What's their

agenda? What do they want? Right, like we have a trust

problem. So, I get it, I get it. But I just thought that this was

an interesting correlation of how, like you know, AAA, like

we'll say, like I'm gonna draw, I'm gonna highlight this sucker

for you. I'm gonna, I'm gonna show you. You want to get from

point A to point B. Here's how you do it, and I think that's

what good coaches and good mentors do as well. You have a

goal. You have a desired outcome. You have a

transformation that you're that you're hoping to get, and you've

got to be you've got to be really present and really active

and really willing and really curious. And look, you're gonna

feel like you took two steps forward, a step back. You're

gonna hit a wall. You might get discouraged, but the thing is,

is we gotta keep going. We gotta keep moving forward. We take

periods when we rest. Absolutely, that's the thing. I

always say you don't have to. You don't have like nobody can

do the work for you, but you do not. You do not have to do it

alone, and that's what we do in the Nest. The Nest is my

spiritual group and community, my coaching group and community,

where the Nesties we call them the Nesties, right? All get

together, and it's a great supported, supportive community.

Wicked nice people. I just adore them. I love them. And you guys,

in anything I talk about whether it's hot to hot days or the nest

or the quest or right club, like anything I do. Yoga classes,

Thai yoga, you know, body work, tayoga massage. You can find it

all on my website. Just go to karenkenney.com, and if you want

to get the podcast into your inbox every Thursday morning, or

you want to know what kind of shenanigans or workshops I have

going on.

We have a write club coming up this Saturday, august 15 in

Concord, New Hampshire at the 11th letter at the 11th letter

writing gallery. But all that stuff. If you want to get it

right into your inbox, just go to karenkenney.com/sign up, and

that's where you can find it. So you guys, I hope this was

helpful in some way. I'm just kind of like I like to sometimes

when I have a thought where I draw a parallel and I'm like, oh

my god, that makes me think of that. I wanted to share it with

you. And if you're somebody like I said who's looking for some

coaching or some mentoring, even if it's not with me, just make

sure you do your homework. Make sure you find out you know a

little bit more about who this person is. Maybe get a personal

referral or personal recommendation. I always love

when I get those. I always love when somebody that I know or

have worked with or love sends me somebody that they love into

my care, and then I pledge to do my best to try to be helpful.

But just just make sure like do your homework and find out so

you're not just giving your money away to a knucklehead or

somebody who's not really going to have you back. You know what

I mean? All right, you guys. Thank you for tuning in. Thank

you for being here. I hope you have a fantastic rest of your

week. Whenever you're listening to this, and wherever you go,

may you leave yourself and the animals and the other people and

the places and the environment better than how you first found

it. Wherever you go, may you and your presence and your love and

your attitude and your energy may be a blessing. Bye. Hey,

thanks so much for listening to the show. I really love spending

some time together. Now, if you dig the show or know someone

that could benefit from this episode, please share it with

them and help me to spread the good word and the love. And if

you want to be in the know about all of my upcoming shenanigans,

head on over to karenkenney.com/signup and join

my list. It'll be wicked fun to stay in touch. Bye.