When a man can’t see your worth, it’s not a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of where he is.
In this raw, personal note, Yaya shares the story of an ex who resurfaced with regret, apologies, and realizations… long after the relationship ended.
Inside this episode, you’ll learn:
• the real reason women stay in relationships that hurt
• how emotional inconsistency chips away at your confidence
• what it really means when he finally sees your value after you’re gone
• the five steps to rebuilding your worth after being mishandled
• how to release the version of you that loved him and step into the version who loves you
If you’re healing, rebuilding, or remembering who you are… this note is for you.
And when you’re ready to rewrite your identity and raise your standards in every area of your life, apply for 1:1 coaching in: Journey to Confidence.
Transcripts
Speaker A:
Hey, girl.
Speaker A:
Hey.
Speaker A:
Welcome back to Notes to her, the daily pep talk.
Speaker A:
I'm Yaya, your confidence and mindset coach, here to help you stop settling, raise your standards, and remember who the hell you are.
Speaker A:
And today, we're talking about the version of you that forgets her worth when she's waiting for somebody else to validate it.
Speaker A:
Because listen, I have been there way longer than I care to admit.
Speaker A:
Have you ever had a romantic partner treat you like you were optional, but the moment you finally moved on, suddenly they could see everything they took for granted.
Speaker A:
Yeah, that kind of story.
Speaker A:
I had this ex who couldn't show up for me until I was no longer available to be shown up for.
Speaker A:
And then suddenly, the apologies came, the realizations came, the I should have treated you better conversations came.
Speaker A:
I had to learn a lesson, unfortunately, the hard way.
Speaker A:
But once I got it, I got it.
Speaker A:
Recognition doesn't equal change.
Speaker A:
Regret doesn't equal worth.
Speaker A:
And a man or a partner, finally seeing your value doesn't mean they ever deserve access to you again.
Speaker A:
Today's note is for the woman who was done abandoning herself just to be chosen.
Speaker A:
So let me take you back.
Speaker A:
There was a man that I was dating years ago, and I cared about him a lot.
Speaker A:
But he was emotionally cold, dismissive, inconsistent.
Speaker A:
The type of fan who would disappear for days without explanation, cancel plans without warning, and make me feel that I was asking for too much, when actually I was just asking for the bare minimum, the version of me that I was when I was with him.
Speaker A:
Like, I hate to even think about it now, but she was hurting.
Speaker A:
She was confused.
Speaker A:
She was angry.
Speaker A:
Because when you love somebody who won't even meet you halfway, the resentment builds.
Speaker A:
My self esteem took hits that I didn't even catch in the moment.
Speaker A:
And I stopped saying what I needed because it never really seemed to matter.
Speaker A:
But I started saying really hurtful and mean comments because I wanted him to feel the same way that I did.
Speaker A:
I was settling for crumbs, lowering myself to his level and calling it Connection.
Speaker A:
Eventually, I did reach my breaking point, emotionally and mentally, and I walked away, fully protecting my piece like it was for next now.
Speaker A:
Months went by, maybe even longer.
Speaker A:
And then recently, he texted me about my Patriots.
Speaker A:
And without thinking, I responded.
Speaker A:
Because he knew that if he complimented my team, it would definitely get a response from me.
Speaker A:
But that one tiny reply turned into a conversation, a real conversation.
Speaker A:
And for the first time in a long time, he said he regretted losing me.
Speaker A:
He regretted hurting me, and he thought that I would never actually leave.
Speaker A:
Like, as if but he did admit that he didn't realize what he had until I was out of reach.
Speaker A:
And hearing that, it didn't make me feel validated because I already knew that I was that girl.
Speaker A:
But it did make me realize how far I had grown.
Speaker A:
But here's what hit me really hard.
Speaker A:
The woman that I am today will never go back to the woman who tolerated that.
Speaker A:
Now, I'm going to say this next thing to you as your girl.
Speaker A:
The one who is always looking out for you.
Speaker A:
Sometimes walking away isn't just an act of strength.
Speaker A:
It's an act of self respect.
Speaker A:
Sometimes men don't change.
Speaker A:
They just realized you finally did.
Speaker A:
Sometimes men don't miss you.
Speaker A:
They miss the access.
Speaker A:
Sometimes men don't suddenly see your worth.
Speaker A:
They see the consequences.
Speaker A:
And the most dangerous season for a woman is the season where she forgets who she is and starts waiting for someone else to remember for her.
Speaker A:
Because you can't build confidence on someone else's closure.
Speaker A:
And your worth is not validated by a man finally waking up.
Speaker A:
Now, before you start being yourself for staying too long, hear me when I say this.
Speaker A:
You stayed because you loved them.
Speaker A:
You stayed because you saw potential.
Speaker A:
You stayed because you thought that if you tried harder, they would treat you better.
Speaker A:
And you saved because you didn't want to give up on somebody that you cared about.
Speaker A:
Nothing about that makes you weak.
Speaker A:
It makes you hooin.
Speaker A:
The strength was in walking away.
Speaker A:
Now let's talk about how you can rebuild your worth after somebody has completely mishandled it.
Speaker A:
First thing to do is to remember the version of you that they never met or appreciated.
Speaker A:
The one who loves deeply.
Speaker A:
The one who shows up.
Speaker A:
The one who gives her all.
Speaker A:
They didn't get to experience the best of you because they never created a safe space for it.
Speaker A:
To reclaim the parts of you you dimmed.
Speaker A:
Your softness, your passion, your boundaries, your joy.
Speaker A:
Your voice.
Speaker A:
Anything you muted to make the relationship work.
Speaker A:
Turn it back up.
Speaker A:
3.
Speaker A:
Release the idea that his regret is your responsibility.
Speaker A:
His reflection is his work.
Speaker A:
Not your invitation, not your burden, not your closure.
Speaker A:
4.
Speaker A:
Don't confuse history with compatibility.
Speaker A:
Just because you cried over somebody doesn't mean you're meant to return to them.
Speaker A:
Love is improved by your ability to endure pain.
Speaker A:
And lastly, see yourself the way you wished he had.
Speaker A:
You can't expect a man to value what you don't fully embody yet.
Speaker A:
So walk like you are worthy.
Speaker A:
Speak like you're worthy.
Speaker A:
Date like you're worthy.
Speaker A:
Decide like you're worthy.
Speaker A:
Now listen.
Speaker A:
Sometimes the chapter isn't over because you want it to be.
Speaker A:
It's over because you finally grew into the version of you who refuses to shrink anymore.
Speaker A:
And that is a blessing.
Speaker A:
Letting them go wasn't a loss.
Speaker A:
It was an alignment.
Speaker A:
It was God, the universe, your intuition, whatever you believe, said, baby girl, you deserve more than this.
Speaker A:
And you do.
Speaker A:
Now today's note hit home and you are ready to build your word from the ground up.
Speaker A:
Not through a relationship, but through yourself.
Speaker A:
Apply for my one to one coaching program, Journey to Confidence.
Speaker A:
This is where I help you rewrite your identity so that you stop settling.
Speaker A:
Start choosing yourself and attract the kind of love that actually matches your value.
