Heather is a published author, speaker, Host of Between the Now and the Next Podcast, and survivor of abuse. She is passionate about encouraging women to set healthy, Godly boundaries and ushering them into understanding and owning their identity in Christ! She wants all women to know that they are loved and highly favored by our Heavenly Father! She resides in Florida with her two "dog"ters Zoey and Gia.You can connect with her on Instagram, TikTok. and Facebook. You can watch her podcast, Between the Now and the Next on YouTube and you may purchase her book on Amazon.

Welcome to 12-Minute Converse with Jesus Believers.

God chose first to have a conversation with us, His creation.

Our prayer is that this listening space brings growth and transforms your life forever.

Praise God for you Heather, it's such of a great pleasure to connect with you.

What part of the world are you in today?

I am in Florida.

Okay, but that accent doesn't say Florida though.

I was born in Texas, but I've kind of moved all over the US.

So yeah, I've been in Florida though for about 14 years.

Yeah, I can, I would, if I had to give a bet, yeah, Texas would be my first go to most definitely.

How long were you in Texas?

About six years.

Boundaries, that's the thing that comes to the forefront in preparing for this conversation.

And I remember my interaction with the book Boundaries by Henry Claude.

Have you ever encountered that book?

I have, years and years and years ago, I read that book.

Was it one of your initial introductions to Boundaries as well?

It definitely was years ago, but I realized as I matured and, you know, grew up and got into, you know, the real world that I didn't have very good boundaries.

That's the tough part, right?

How do you come into putting the theoretical side of the work into action?

God wants us to have boundaries.

It is godly to have boundaries, just like he talks about, you know, guarding your heart.

That's a boundary.

That's not to keep people out, but that's, you know, a boundary that he wants us to have to protect ourselves in a way that we're not going to get mixed up with bad company that's going to corrupt our morals.

I look at the Bible more as an instruction manual of how to live our lives.

And so when I see things like that in the Bible, it's like those kind of scripture, if you've been raised in the Christian culture, you know, or Christian home, you've been raised in that your whole life, those kind of scriptures of guard your heart, you just kind of like glaze over because it's one everybody says all the time.

So would you connect boundaries to identity and building your identity?

When I think of building, you know, yourself, like through the years as you're growing up and

learning who you are and really getting in touch with, you know, yourself and who you want to be

and the kind of person that you want to be, you know, we have to have these boundaries in place

because the people that we surround ourselves with are going to be the people that we're going to be

the most like.

So I think about, you know, what kind of influence are we allowing into our lives, which is going to in turn, when you, it's going to in turn, like, build our identity, right?

Because what people are feeding into us or what people are saying to us, that's either going to give us life or death, you know, the power of the tongue can either give us life or death.

And so I think that the way boundaries are tied to our identity is we have to use these boundaries to make sure we're surrounding ourself with good people that are going to speak life into us, but also make sure to sharpen us and to challenge us in our faith.

And so we also want to build our identity around what God says about us and what God says we are.

And so if we're checking things against scripture, so if someone's feeding us something and we're like, hmm, does that align with my identity and who Christ says I am?

And you go and you're like, yeah, no, you look in the word and you're like, he doesn't say that I'm unworthy, or he doesn't say that I am unlovable.

He doesn't say any of these things that people may be putting into our minds and into our lives.

And so you've got to have these boundaries up in order to make sure that we're not allowing the wrong people into our lives and to corrupt, you know, what the Lord has already told us we are.

Which side of the fence were you on getting into learning what you're learning?

Were you someone who pushed on the boundaries of others or someone who had their boundaries pushed on?

Oh man, I had my boundaries pushed all day every day.

I was a people pleaser.

And I think sometimes that can get twisted too, is people think that I want to be nice and I want to be kind.

And right, I mean, if I put up a boundary, no.

And those were all thoughts that I had.

And I'm like, who said?

Who told me that?

Nobody.

That's an idea that I put in my head or that I got in my head, you know, through whatever experiences I had growing up or in friendships, you know, growing up, anything like that, that I just felt like I had to be this nice, easygoing, go with the flow, do whatever person.

And so I was definitely on that side of getting my boundaries pushed.

What has it taken for you to set up your boundaries and maintain them over the years?

It takes a lot of strength, honestly.

It takes learning the reason why you allow people to cross your boundaries.

Sometimes it's really hard to determine, you know, why, because sometimes that's digging back into things that are painful from your childhood or from your past.

And some things feel kind of embarrassing, right, to address, like, man, why did I let somebody do this?

Or why did I let somebody treat me this way?

If that was my friend getting treated that way, I would tell her, you know, get that person out of your life or don't allow them to treat you that way.

So why am I allowing myself to be treated that way?

Five years from today, you're listening to this conversation, you've heard yourself, you've heard the maturity, right, from years ago to having your boundaries being pushed on to not just establishing yours, but now helping others establish theirs.

What's a message you'd leave for future you?

Don't forget that your identity is rooted in who God says you are.

And having boundaries does not make you a mean person.

And that not only does God love you, but He likes you.

And that changes the game.

It's not anything that I have to earn.

I don't have to earn the right to set boundaries.

I can set them and I get to decide who has access to me.

In closing, is there anything else you'd like to share?

If you want to hear more about this kind of thing, then you can find me on my social media accounts.

I love to have conversations in the comments and in my DMs. And also my book, I wrote a book called Healing on the Horizon.

And that's healing from emotional abuse, because a lot of times that happens when we're trying to set boundaries or that has occurred from boundaries that we've set.

And so it's called Healing on the Horizon, a 90-day devotional.

And it can be found on Amazon if that is any kind of work that you're looking to do.

Heather and justice.

I love that, you know, it's like Heather in justice, you know, and justice.

This has been a pleasure, a treasure.

Thank you for being on what is inspired by 12 Minute Contours.