What happens when a diagnosis finally gives you an explanation for why you've struggled—but then starts becoming another label you carry?

In this jpowerful episode, I sit down with Dene Dubois, for an incredibly open conversation about borderline personality disorder, childhood trauma, abandonment, trust, shame, relationships, and what it means to take your personal power back.

Dene shares his experience growing up in a deeply dysfunctional home with a mother struggling with bipolar disorder and a father dealing with alcoholism and compulsive gambling. He also opens up about receiving a BPD diagnosis at age 50 and the complicated relationship he's had with that label.

We talk about something I see so often in my own work with adult children: the fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting others, intense emotional reactions, people pleasing, and that immediate assumption of “What did I do wrong?” when someone pulls away. Denis gives a powerful real-life example of how something as simple as an unanswered message can activate those old fears.

But this conversation goes far beyond a diagnosis.

We explore the difference between understanding a label and becoming the label, why shame doesn't create healing, and how the things we once viewed as weaknesses can sometimes become part of our purpose.

Dene has taken his lived experience and created BPD Raw as a place where people can speak honestly about mental health without hiding behind clinical language or stigma. His message at the end of our conversation says it beautifully:

Never let someone silence your voice.

If you've ever felt defined by a diagnosis, your childhood, your mistakes, or someone else's opinion of you, this conversation is for you.

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Dene also discusses his books The Places I Didn't Belong and Maybe I Did Belong,

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hello, everybody.

2

Welcome back to another episode

of Adult Child of Dysfunction.

3

Today, we have with us Denis Dubois,

who is an author, lived experience

4

advocate, and founder of BPD Raw.

5

After surviving complex trauma, he

moved past rigid clinical labels to

6

practice radical self-accountability.

7

Now he empowers others to take

back their personal power and

8

actively transform deep emotional

pain into a lasting life purpose.

9

Ooh, I love that.

10

That sounds pretty cool, huh?

11

Yep.

12

I say, "Don't you love it when

someone else reads your bio and

13

you're like, 'Ooh, yes, I got this.'"

14

So I'm just gonna start off

right off the bat, we're just

15

gonna have a great conversation

here, but what does BPD Raw mean?

16

Just tell the listeners.

17

BPD Raw is something that I

recently came up with about eight,

18

about maybe about 10 years ago.

19

I visited New York City and I went into

a pop-up shop called Strangers Project.

20

So basically it's a shop of

letters, so just letters on a wall.

21

So letters that aren't

necessarily going to the recipient

22

anymore, they're getting…

23

The public are able to read.

24

So you can imagine letters of lost love,

letters of thanks yeah, just everything.

25

So basically I walked into that

shop, and when I walked out

26

my face was wet from crying.

27

Also, the, my…

28

Goosebumps.

29

It was just amazing.

30

Now as a child I had a very

dysfunctional childhood.

31

I had two older brothers, a

younger sister, but in my memory

32

they're not there anymore.

33

It was basically me and my mother.

34

My mother had very bad bipolar.

35

My father was alcoholic compulsive

gambler which ended up, I ended up

36

becoming impulsive gambler in my early

teens, and that did not end up too well.

37

I ended up in jail for that.

38

But ever since, no trouble at all.

39

So with my mother, it was basically

when she was at home, she was high.

40

So she was in the heights of mania.

41

There was a period there that

she was that bad, and I ended up

42

hitting my mother with a frying pan.

43

Oh.

44

I was young.

45

I had no idea.

46

I wanted to silence it.

47

I just could not cope anymore.

48

I had come to my limit.

49

Unfortunately, my father tried

to have me charged, which was

50

basically laughed by the police.

51

How could you do that to a child?

52

Yeah.

53

So later in my early teens,

I came out as being gay.

54

I didn't really come out in

the, as they say, come out.

55

I basically used as ammunition

because I was angry.

56

I was angry at my parents

for the childhood I'd had.

57

So I basically said, "Stuff you, I'm gay."

58

So till this day, I am not sure

whether I've actually accepted.

59

Even though I'm open, everybody

knows about me, I'm an open

60

book, I don't hold anything out.

61

So yeah, it's…

62

I honestly don't know.

63

Maybe it's due to work that I'm doing

now in BPD Raw, it will help me, because

64

I can't say I really love myself.

65

I like myself, I love my

qualities, but as a whole, it's

66

really difficult to deal with.

67

So when I ended up getting in trouble

with the law, I, the day that I got out

68

of jail, my father picked me up to take

me to go gambling And at that stage I

69

thought, "Okay, this is a toxic family."

70

I need to leave.

71

So I ended up in Oxford Street

in Sydney, and it was a…

72

In in those days it was community.

73

It was also drug, party drugs.

74

I got into that scene.

75

I was a social butterfly.

76

You wouldn't have thought

that I had borderline.

77

I didn't get diagnosed about eight

years ago, but I'm sure there were

78

things about it, because with borderline

you have high emotions, and it's all

79

about if people are constant with

you in what they do and communicate

80

properly, it doesn't come out as much.

81

If that makes sense.

82

Yeah.

83

So in those days, we

didn't have the phone.

84

We weren't looking at our phone.

85

We were talking to people.

86

We were paying attention.

87

That's the reason I think I

wasn't diagnosed till later

88

in life, because it's changed.

89

And I feel sorry for people who have

borderline or mental illness now,

90

because people aren't listening anymore.

91

There- there's so many organizations

around mental health that is based on

92

clinical jargon, not on lived experience.

93

So what is it- There needs to be, yeah.

94

Go on … so how old were

you when you got diagnosed?

95

Officially diagnosed.

96

50.

97

I'm 58 now.

98

Yes.

99

So it's only been eight years.

100

Yes.

101

Yeah.

102

I, when I look back there

were little signs of it.

103

So basically when I hit Oxford Street

and I became in the party scene

104

and everybody knew me I actually

ended up becoming a drug dealer.

105

And silly me, I'm such a nice, sweet guy.

106

I wasn't designed for the drug.

107

But the problem was I

was getting recognized.

108

People wanted to know me.

109

So the drugs bit, not that I

became addicted, it was the

110

fact that I had the drugs on me.

111

I used them for myself.

112

I nearly got myself in a lot

of trouble because I told my

113

dealer, "Oh, someone took them."

114

I was taking them.

115

So it ended up I ended up in, a couple of

years later I ended up in a relationship.

116

And then I found out that I

contracted hepatitis through

117

intra- intravenous drug use.

118

Oh.

119

And I was one of these people

that never got sick from anything.

120

So I was told that I needed to go through

a treatment program called interferon.

121

So you basically inject your stomach

with something that basically

122

gives you the flu every night.

123

So for someone that doesn't get ill,

you can imagine what that done to

124

me and the relationship I was in.

125

It destroyed the relationship.

126

At the beginning of it my

partner at the time said, "Do it.

127

Go through it.

128

This will be good for your health, and

at the end of it we'll go on a holiday."

129

So because the treatment was that bad,

the relationship completely broke down.

130

Towards the end of the

relationship, I was actually on

131

apps talking to people overseas.

132

So by the time of the the treatment

finished, I had already organized

133

to meet someone in Canada.

134

So I ended up going by myself.

135

He still agreed to it.

136

I went to holidays.

137

I didn't leave Canada.

138

I ended up meeting this man.

139

I ended up getting married.

140

I had an instant family, a boy and a girl.

141

But unfortunately, he was very

bad bipolar, and he treated his

142

kids like they were his friends.

143

So here I come along, I'm a

wicked stepmother, because you're

144

not getting away with that.

145

Sorry.

146

So you can imagine the arguments we had.

147

You can't tell my children do this,

but they can't get away with that.

148

So it didn't last.

149

So that's where the, my first book

came out on the places I didn't belong.

150

And just more recently, through my

journey with BPD Roar, I've released

151

another book in the in the series, the

Belonging series, of maybe I did belong.

152

Because I always thought I was

running away, but I've learnt growing

153

up that you're there for a reason.

154

So I learned stuff along the way.

155

I never wanted to come back to

Australia, 'cause my Australia

156

was a place of pain for me.

157

But I ended up back in Australia

met Brian who lives with me now.

158

We got a relationship but it was

a time that when I came back,

159

I needed someone in my life.

160

And it was like we both needed someone.

161

The relationship didn't last very long.

162

But anyway, so up until about

two months ago or three months

163

ago, I ended up in court on my

last job due to discrimination.

164

And it did go in my favor even though

they didn't offer a formal apology.

165

But what happened is when it was over,

I approached the CEO of the company

166

because I'm one of these people, I

didn't want it to happen to anyone else.

167

So I tried to get a conversation with him.

168

He didn't wanna know.

169

And I thought, "Come on.

170

Why?

171

It's not for me.

172

I don't want to, excuse the

expression, bitch at you.

173

I just want to help you so

it doesn't happen again."

174

Because surely it was a pain in

the ass for them to go to court,

175

but they didn't wanna listen.

176

So I went into about two months of feeling

sorry for myself just watching all the

177

soapies on TV , crying every five seconds.

178

And then I started looking at

borderline support groups on Facebook.

179

One thing I noticed is a lot of people

would open up on these groups but

180

unfortunately because you're dealing

with thousands of people and some have

181

different illnesses, someone's gonna say

something that triggers someone else.

182

Oh, of course.

183

So they will put a comment

and it turns toxic.

184

So those people who wanted to open

up and get help are being attacked

185

so they are being silenced in a

way and don't wanna speak anymore.

186

So I came back to thinking,

"Oh, Strangers Project.

187

What if we could have those

letters in a book so they're not

188

getting that instant stigma?"

189

So this book is going to be fantastic.

190

Like I've had so much…

191

in two months I have

got over 750 followers

192

I get 25,000 views in the last

28 days on my Facebook page

193

On your Facebook page, okay.

194

Yeah.

195

It's just grown unbelievably.

196

I've started a podcast.

197

I recently, … actually, in August,

in a couple of days, I'm going to

198

have a feature in Force Magazine,

which is in 13 different countries.

199

So that will explode it more.

200

It's just- Wow … it's

going beyond belief.

201

But look, this will be a book.

202

You know who I think will buy it the most?

203

A therapist

204

'Cause it's real life Because- It's

lived experience … yeah, because

205

when it comes to BPD, it seems that

the only people to speak about BPD

206

is other people that don't have BPD.

207

Yeah.

208

And they, and that's what I was gonna say.

209

So for the people out there

listening that don't even understand

210

what BPD is, or how you can- Yeah

211

go 50 years and not get diagnosed, can

you tell us a little bit about BPD and

212

maybe what you felt as a child that

you knew something was, I don't wanna

213

say off, but that you were experiencing

things that other people weren't?

214

Can you talk a little bit on that?

215

Okay.

216

So BPD is about high emotional, so

217

So if we're upset or we feel love or

anything like that, it is heightened.

218

We also have the fear of abandonment,

which especially comes from childhood for

219

me, because my mother would be in hospital

most of the time, so I felt abandoned.

220

Impulsivity.

221

There is a lot of suicide with BPD.

222

Luckily for me, and I think

it's because of what my mother

223

had, I don't have depression.

224

So whether it's a good thing or bad thing

for me, I think I have something built

225

in my brain and I don't want to go there.

226

I have no problems showing my emotions

and I th- and it just stops at a

227

certain point, so there's a lot of that.

228

Drug use, self-medication.

229

But when it comes to self-medication I've

learnt over the years that actually our

230

brain is the one that's sorting it out.

231

So they're doing a lot of psychedelic

therapy with borderline now,

232

which seems to be helping a lot.

233

Impulsivity, as I said.

234

So the main things for me are

trust issues because I trusted

235

my parents to look after me.

236

So with me, I trust you straight away,

but then it wanes, because the closer

237

I get to you, the least I trust you.

238

So- So can you tell me, just for

curiosity's sake, because those are all

239

the exact symptoms of someone who just

went through severe childhood trauma.

240

Yeah.

241

So how, what is the differentiation?

242

Is BPD acquired or is it something

you're born with and it just doesn't

243

rear its ugly head until later, or-

most of it is through childhood trauma,

244

but you will get the occasional person

said they had a great childhood.

245

Okay.

246

So yeah, I believe that with BPD,

with the standard, there are lots

247

of therapies that tend to work.

248

But with people like me with trust issues,

I have gone through all the therapies.

249

The only therapies that have ever

helped are ones that there's called TMS.

250

It's like shock therapy, but it

deals with the cortex in your

251

brain and ch- like rewires it.

252

So I believe it's more…

253

Like, when you have splitting so basically

that's when someone says something to

254

you or shows you something that triggers

something in your childhood trauma, it's

255

like an immediate knee-jerk reaction.

256

Yeah.

257

Yeah.

258

So people talk about, I talk about

accountability, but in a different way.

259

Because pe- I don't think we should

feel gui- why should we feel guilty?

260

We can feel sorry for what we've done,

but why should we feel guilty 'cause it's

261

something that's happened in our past?

262

We're not…

263

We are aware at the time what's happening

when we do it, but we can't stop it.

264

And I say that, that's one of my

biggest messages is everything you did

265

while you were going through childhood

trauma, you did out of survival.

266

You did out of your brain- Yeah … and

your trying to protect you.

267

And you can, like you said, you can

feel bad, but there is absolutely no

268

reason to live and wallow in guilt

and shame, because that just starts

269

another spiral of just pr- knowing,

quote unquote, "knowing" you're a bad

270

person and you did all these things.

271

I kinda look at it the

same thing when you are…

272

My mother, I have empathy and

compassion now that I know that the

273

things that she was doing to me,

she was doing out of her own trauma.

274

So- Yeah … yeah it's a hard…

275

You don't wanna say you can't feel bad.

276

But you can't beat yourself up

about it be- 'cause it does-

277

no one anybody any good, because

I think the, a majority of the,

278

the stigma actually comes from

ourselves, because we wear the labels.

279

So many people in chat are

calling themselves crazy and

280

s- and narcissistic and stuff.

281

It's come on, guys.

282

Wipe them away.

283

Wipe them away, because

284

it's only adding to it.

285

Absolutely Yeah And there is so

much stigma, and I think, that's

286

why I want to have people come on

and talk about different things.

287

Because if people understood, maybe

they wouldn't be so quick to judge.

288

And, we're hard enough…

289

Like, when people are going through

this, you're hard enough on yourself.

290

We don't need other people

looking at you and backing up

291

all your inner critic thoughts.

292

Because when it comes to abandonment,

how it works if someone upsets me

293

okay, I'll give you an example.

294

Let's say someone's texting

you, and all of a sudden they

295

just stop mid-conversation.

296

My brain will go, "They're abandoning me.

297

I've done something wrong."

298

Of course.

299

And it doesn't…

300

And why is it so difficult to

say, "I'm busy," or, "Goodbye"?

301

People don't do this no more.

302

People pay, don't pay attention.

303

They drift off into another space.

304

So I don't think I'm that

difficult to deal with.

305

We talk about being fixed.

306

I don't want to be fixed.

307

I love having high emotions.

308

If I had someone that understood

me, like I have been in a

309

relationship now for maybe-

310

Seven years?

311

I wanna meet someone that understands me.

312

It, and it, all it has to be is constant.

313

So you can s- say, let's say

someone messages you once a week.

314

If they don't message you for a month,

I'm gonna go into, "Oh, they've left me.

315

What's going on?

316

What's going on?"

317

So it's, and then it goes further if,

and then you wanna reach out to them,

318

but you try to hold yourself back,

then you feel bad for holding back.

319

Then you think of other people

that have hurt you, and then

320

you start blocking people.

321

Not that person, 'cause you wanna

try to hold onto that person.

322

So it's a constant battle.

323

Yeah, we just, actually the last podcast

I just did, may- maybe two hours ago,

324

was talking very much about that.

325

It was funny.

326

So you guys are gonna ep- your air,

episodes will air back to back, and

327

it was really- Yeah … interesting

'cause it was really what he was

328

saying about that whole, you beach…

329

y- you feel that need to not be able to…

330

You can't voice what you wanna say.

331

So when somebody doesn't- Yeah … call

you back or they just stop communicating,

332

and you're sitting there and you're

wallowing in that "Oh, my God.

333

What's wrong with me?"

334

And it's like, do you have that, because

I know that's where the people pleasing

335

and the just, the, the trauma makes

you not be able to go to that person

336

and say, "Hey, you didn't text me back.

337

What's going on?"

338

So there's that disconnect

of communication.

339

Is that what you're finding?

340

Yeah, because we're worried

about the rejection.

341

There are times that I am able to message

back and say, "Is everything okay?"

342

without getting upset.

343

But the, yeah it's a struggle.

344

I've got someone who's a very good friend

of mine that hasn't messaged, doesn't

345

message me like month, like on a month

or two months, that I'm really holding

346

onto, and it's getting really hard not to

say goodbye, because I don't know whether

347

it's good for my mental health as well.

348

But I don't, 'cause I, the only friend

that I have in my life is Brian.

349

I have other friends, but the only

person I, let's say, 95% trust.

350

And the only way that we were

able to build that trust is in the

351

beginning I had access to his bank

accounts, his, all his logins.

352

I, so when I went in relationships,

I used to look for problems.

353

If they went out shopping, I'd

look in drawers for problems.

354

I would look for problems.

355

I was constantly looking for issues.

356

Today I don't need to look at

Brian's, anything of Brian's.

357

I trust him now.

358

But it took eight years

359

maybe to actually trust someone.

360

Wow.

361

And that's- Yeah … trust issues is one

of the biggest things I deal with all my

362

clients, and it's, it sounds very, again,

that's I guess why I'm like how many of

363

my clients are sitting here listening to

this going, "Huh, I wonder if I have BPD?"

364

Because- Yeah … it's,

it is very, very…

365

Like I said, it mimics 100% just the

normal repercussions or the normal

366

effects of having just childhood trauma.

367

Or, you know- Yeah … I grew up in that

dysfunctional family with the abandonment

368

issues and all of that, and it's, I, it

took a long time of being able to not be

369

tri- like when you're triggered, being

able to calm that nervous system down

370

enough to be able to be like, "Okay, stop.

371

Don't get in that spiral.

372

Get out of your amygdala.

373

Start thinking with your

logical side of your brain."

374

It's not, and just instead

of being so reactive.

375

So is that what you…

376

Do you, I know you say you don't wanna

be fixed, you're okay with that, but

377

isn't that hard in relationships?

378

'Cause it's a give/take.

379

I've, throughout the journey, I've

met a lot of people who have BPD that

380

have very successful relationships

because the people listen.

381

They're like old school.

382

Like it was in, in, in my younger

years, people would listen to you.

383

There are people out there like that.

384

But if you, what I guess what

I'm asking, I guess where I'm

385

And I don't mean to put you on

the spot, I'm just really curious.

386

No.

387

Oh, go ahead.

388

This is exactly what- Go ahead.

389

I like being put on the spot.

390

No, this is exactly what

I do with my clients.

391

So I'm like, okay, if you get that

text and your mind immediately

392

goes to, "Oh my God, what did I do?

393

He's mad at me.

394

Something's going on," being able to

395

jump out of that, take a deep breath,

breathe, and then go, and then

396

process before reacting would let you

eventually reach out and be like, "Hey,

397

I haven't heard from you in a while.

398

What's going on?"

399

And open that line of communication

versus isolating or shutting down.

400

Does that make sense?

401

I do it better now because as I said,

this person hasn't messaged me for about

402

six weeks, and normally I would, within

a week I'd be telling someone off.

403

But I've also realized is even

though in our, in BPD world, We

404

want everyone to be our friend.

405

We want everyone to love us.

406

We live in that fantasy world,

but it'd be a great world if…

407

Look, I believe everyone

should have a bit of BPD.

408

I think the world would be a whole

lot better if we had high emotions.

409

But yeah, so I learned to deal with it

a lot better, but when you say that it

410

basically sounds like an, like childhood

trauma, is when I was given a BPD label,

411

till today I understand parts of it.

412

But I agree with you.

413

Is it just childhood trauma?

414

Because I don't have some of the

things that most people have.

415

I don't have the depression.

416

I don't have the suicide tendencies.

417

But because I've always lived

around labels, like my mother, my

418

father, my grandmother, my auntie,

my sister, all mental illnesses.

419

So it's like without a label I feel lost.

420

But I don't trust the label enough anyway.

421

And that's, yes, I was just going

to say that having that label can be

422

a two-edged sword, because a lot of

people get those late-stage diagnosises.

423

They get these diagnosises at 50, 55.

424

A lot of people are coming to me

and they're going, "Oh my God,

425

I'm 55, and they just said I

was bil- bipolar," or, or you…

426

they'll come to me and I'm like,

"So does it change anything

427

that we've been working on?"

428

And sometimes they say

yes, sometimes they say no.

429

Because some people, it, believe

me, I've seen both sides of it, so

430

it's like the, the label gives you,

I don't wanna say an excuse, I,

431

that's not what I'm saying at all.

432

But it gives you understanding.

433

As to- Yeah … oh.

434

But at the same time, you in your own mind

go, "No, I know," and you react different

435

ways, and you do different things.

436

So I've…

437

a lot of people I know a lot of

people that are just now going,

438

"I just got told I have ADHD," and

I'm like, "You've been having focus

439

problems since we be- you knew-

440

for two years that you had focus

problems, and we've been working on that."

441

Because again, childhood trauma, when

it shrinks a part of your brain, it

442

does different things, and it manifests

as ADHD because you have brain fog.

443

You have…

444

it's so all these things.

445

So it's, I love that you kinda look at

both sides of that, but that you're…

446

I don't remember exactly how you just

said it, but you said it so well.

447

You said, what did you say?

448

You said the- … the label ga- the

label gave me something, but at the same

449

time you don't trust the label enough.

450

Yes.

451

Yeah.

452

Say that again.

453

Yeah.

454

That was…

455

I love that.

456

I don't remember the

actual word, but yeah.

457

What?

458

But it was basically- … you, like

you were saying the label gave you…

459

It kinda gives you a little peace.

460

It's when you have childhood trauma and

people come to me and they say, "Tammy,

461

I don't understand," and then I explain

to them what trauma does to your brain.

462

It's kinda they can give

themselves a little grace now

463

because they can go, "Oh."

464

It's like also it's that suffer- I

suffer bad with my BPD is my memory.

465

And I, for years and years, I t- I was

telling people that I was sexually abused.

466

But now because I can't remember it,

we've got out in the community people

467

saying, "BPD, you're attention seekers."

468

So I've started to think, "Okay,

so maybe it didn't happen."

469

So the so part of me wants to remember as

well, but I haven't been able to do it.

470

With therapy, with psychologists,

I will go to a psychologist,

471

they will give me homework.

472

I won't do it because I don't trust it.

473

I don't trust they will help me.

474

And then I end up going to a

psychologist, "Why am I coming?

475

Don't I want help?"

476

And then they come back and

say, "But you're coming anyway,

477

so you must want something."

478

So it's oh my God.

479

So the standard therapy doesn't

work for me neither because

480

I can't trust it enough.

481

So I'll never…

482

For the standard therapy, I'm sure that

I've gathered some tools from it- but

483

yeah, it hasn't really worked for me.

484

And honestly, again, with trauma, which

you said it could come, some of that comes

485

from that, is that trust issues are huge.

486

And it's not just trusting other

people, it is like, it sounds like

487

you don't even trust your own judgment

'cause you don't know anymore.

488

It's like your brain- Yeah … has

been gaslighting itself for how long?

489

Like you said, if someone comes and I…

490

It's the same thing with me.

491

When you don't remember something

as a child, your brain wants

492

to fill it in with a story.

493

Yeah.

494

So it's like, because

that's what you wanna do.

495

You don't remember, so you wanna fill

in a story, and then you start going

496

is that story real or did I just

fill it in because I don't know?"

497

So that's why I tell people, if

you're gonna make shit up anyway…

498

And I'm not saying you're making shit up.

499

That's not what I'm saying at all.

500

No.

501

Not what I'm saying.

502

Yeah.

503

But I'm saying if your brain is gonna

manifest a story so that it can fill in

504

that gap, make it a freaking good story.

505

Make it a happy story with a good ending.

506

You might be making it

up anyway, so who…

507

Don't put in the bad stories- Yeah

… unless but, that's why I like some of the

508

therapies where they bring you all the

way back, but you don't have to relive.

509

Yeah.

510

That to me is so powerful

You know what I mean?

511

But I, again, I'm one of these

strong persons that I would

512

be okay if I had to relive it.

513

I believe that.

514

Strongly believe that.

515

I'm very strong.

516

But you don't have to.

517

Yeah.

518

You can let go of the energy that's

holding that pain and that, that memory.

519

You can let go of that

energetic attachment to you

520

without having to relive it.

521

So that's, Yeah … that's

the route I'm going.

522

I actually- But is it…

523

The, the, the…

524

Yeah, go ahead.

525

No, I was gonna say, I had a recurring

nightmare from the time I was four years

526

old, and it was a violent nightmare that

no four-year-old should ever even…

527

Like, how we even, like how my

brain even came up with to have this

528

nightmare, I don't even understand.

529

But I had so many ther- like,

psych- psychiatrists say to me,

530

"We can take you back-" And we

can get, bring you back to that."

531

And I'm like…

532

But they're like, "But you're gonna

have to be ready for what you find,

533

because to have a nightmare from four…"

534

And I still ha- I'm 57, and I haven't

had it in about 10 years, knock on wood.

535

But I think it was because I did

enough therapies that I realized

536

there was some serious trauma.

537

But I let go of that energy when I started

doing energy work, and I haven't had it,

538

and like I said, knock on wood, 10 years.

539

'Cause I would wake up crying,

sweating, screaming, and it was…

540

And my husband's like, "What the hell?"

541

I'm like, "Sorry, just my 10-year-old…

542

every five years I have this dream."

543

But it's crazy.

544

It's crazy how the mind works in general.

545

Yeah.

546

Yes.

547

I actually had, I have had nightmares

all my life every night up until about

548

six months ago, and still until I

started me taking medication for it.

549

I was just used to it.

550

And every nightmare about death, and that

is the thing that scares me the most.

551

I am terrified.

552

So I'll never be suicidal.

553

I'm terrified of death.

554

I wanna liv- I don't care

how much pain I'm in, I…

555

But then again, I've never had pain.

556

I hope that I don't die of

anything painful, because I think

557

my suicide brain might click in.

558

But yeah, no, terrified,

absolutely terrified of death.

559

Are you really?

560

Oh, yes.

561

Yes.

562

And then sometimes I look

at me and go, I wish I…

563

i'm just the, like I'm just the opposite.

564

I just…

565

I don't know.

566

I had a stroke last year, about a year

and a half ago, and I was completely

567

paralyzed on my left side, and I'm sitting

there going, "God, I don't think it's my

568

time, but if it is, go ahead and take me.

569

But before you do that, I need to

tell my husband a couple things

570

he's gonna need to take care of."

571

I was so- and that's, yeah … so calm.

572

I was like, "If this is

my time, this is my time."

573

It was weird.

574

And that's why I'm scared, and

that's why I'm scared of death,

575

because of my trust issues.

576

I think there's higher.

577

There'd have to be.

578

It doesn't make any sense.

579

But I don't trust it enough.

580

And then I think if there is a God,

and they say you have to accept

581

the God, but if you can't accept

a God, you're gonna go to hell.

582

See, so it's a constant struggle.

583

It'll probably be on my

deathbed, I'll go, "Oh my God,

584

I accept you.

585

Take me," because I won't have

any other choice at that time.

586

Yeah, hospice bibles.

587

Indeed.

588

There's a lot of hospice bibles- Yeah.

589

… for people last minute.

590

But it's funny, I, the joke, I

always joke, and I get, I guess

591

I've never really been afraid…

592

I don't know why I've

never been afraid to die.

593

I guess because I so believe, and

then the joke is people are like what

594

if you don't do the right thing, and

what if you don't end up in heaven?"

595

I'm like then I get to

meet my mother again."

596

I was like, "Maybe she'll

be nicer down there."

597

So that was always…

598

I probably shouldn't even joke like that.

599

God's probably looking at me like,

"Girl, you are walking a thin line."

600

But I don't know.

601

It just, everybody has their thing, but

talk about, I wanna ask you, Yep … you

602

said you finally took your power back.

603

Talk about that.

604

What, talk about what

that looked like to you.

605

Helping people.

606

So when I started joining the groups

and opening BPD Raw, I'd have people

607

wanna submit letters, and some

people just wanted advice from me.

608

I started doing 30-second

clips on my page.

609

They're totally raw, I'm using the F

word and stuff, and people messaging

610

me and saying, "Oh my God, thank you.

611

I needed that today."

612

So for the past four weeks, I've been

doing two videos a day, posting them

613

up, and like 200 views on every video.

614

It's And just family members,

mothers coming to me, their

615

children having be- "Oh, thank you."

616

The trust issue still comes into it.

617

Why are they saying thank you?

618

And then I get upset when I

put up a video and no one..

619

Saying anything.

620

… You know what, though?

621

But that should make you

feel- Yeah … o- it's okay.

622

Because think about, like you

said, the, the stigma behind all

623

these mental health issue kind of

things, and I can't stand that.

624

I actually did a summit last year, two

years ago, and it was called Shattering

625

Stigmas, and we had people come on

and talk about all of the stigmas

626

behind all these mental health issues.

627

And, one girl came on.

628

Yesterday, I just had a girl reach out

to me yesterday, who was on my podcast,

629

and she said they've decided to call it

brain health instead of mental health.

630

And I'm like, "But it's your mind.

631

It's mental health.

632

It can be good, it can be bad, it

can have issues, it can be perfect.

633

It is mental health, your mind's health."

634

And I was like, "No, I'm not

giving it a different name."

635

But I'm like, "I totally have respect."

636

I said, "People just need to

learn about the different nuances

637

of mental health variations,"

638

. I was like, there's so many stigmas.

639

So if people are listening to

you or watching you and they're

640

not commenting, it's okay, 'cause

you're still reaching them.

641

You're still hearing your message.

642

And just because they don't comment,

that just means they're not ready yet.

643

Yeah.

644

But you're still doing

wonderful, amazing things.

645

So don't let that bother you one bit.

646

Yeah, because, yeah I actually you hit

the nail on the head there, because

647

the people that are commenting are

the same people every single time.

648

Yeah.

649

They're the ones that are ready.

650

Yeah.

651

And I say that all the time.

652

I know people don't, comment, they

don't like, they don't do anything

653

on my podcast, but they reach out

to me personally sometimes and just

654

say, "Hey, girl, you nailed it.

655

Thank you.

656

I needed that."

657

That's good enough for me.

658

I can't save the world, but if only one.

659

If every podcast episode touches one

person and it makes their day a little

660

brighter, or it gives them something

to think about, or a different way to

661

maybe look at something, I've more than

fulfilled my duty here on this earth.

662

Yeah.

663

- That's what I say to people myself,

so I've gotta wear that as well.

664

Yeah.

665

So Denis Dubois, you just know that

you're doing good stuff, my friend.

666

Thank you.

667

So- I appreciate it.

668

Yes.

669

So if someone is listening

right now, and they're stuck in

670

that, "They gave me this label."

671

I, and I don't like labels either.

672

I don't.

673

Because I think it sometimes makes

you define yourself, where I'm like,

674

you define yourself however you want.

675

Only you can decide your

destiny and what you're gonna

676

do with whatever God gave you.

677

But what would be a first step if

someone is trapped in this label

678

identity crisis, I guess you could say?

679

I actually spoke to someone the

other day, and it made a lot of sense

680

because we tend to listen to what's

happening in our outside world.

681

If you've got a label, go onto the

internet and put in celebrities with

682

that illness, and see what they've

done in their life, and see what is

683

possible you're dealing with people

who've done amazing things with their

684

illness, but are also struggling with it.

685

There's a lot of things.

686

So that I found that an amazing

thing to tell people, because we do.

687

We all have favorite actors and

actresses, and you'd be amazed

688

at the amount of people who have

BPD or bipolar or schizophrenia

689

that are doing amazing things.

690

You look up statistics on IQ.

691

The higher IQs comes from

people with mental illness.

692

Yeah.

693

So you're not broken.

694

No.

695

You're not broken.

696

You just have to hold onto those

powers and … Think of the good things

697

that you can bring to this world.

698

Absolutely.

699

I have a friend who is bipolar,

and I love him, and I just…

700

he has those manic episodes.

701

I said, "Dude, turn it

into your superpower.

702

You know how much I could get

done if I had your mania?"

703

Even just for an hour.

704

Yeah.

705

I'm like, ", use what you got.

706

God gave you whatever He

gave you for a reason.

707

If it was the trauma that w-

turned into whatever it is,

708

use it as your superpower."

709

ADHD, I've never seen someone be able to

get so much done when they s- had that

710

super focus on something they enjoyed.

711

So I'm like- Yeah … "So

only do shit you enjoy."

712

Find your superpower in

whatever was given to you.

713

And I think that's what basically

you're saying is- Yeah … use,

714

something that gives you goosebumps.

715

Yeah.

716

Something that wakes

you up in the morning.

717

Don't worry about what

other people think about it.

718

You do it.

719

Amen.

720

'Cause there's gonna be someone else

you're gonna touch with doing that.

721

Absolutely.

722

And, you found your superpower.

723

Doesn't matter if you got a…

724

If someone told you had BPD

at 10 years old, so what?

725

You're still gonna use it because

that's the kind of guy you are.

726

It's not gonna change who you are.

727

It's- No … but now you can

share your lived experience,

728

and you can help other people.

729

One of my absolute favorite coaches

to listen to speak, speaks…

730

She teaches people and coaches

people on how to deal with ADHD,

731

how to focus, and how your brain

is just wired a little differently.

732

So use that, and be the most organized

person and set up these tools.

733

And she's an amazing coach, amazing.

734

Also, one of my favorite podcasts

is Sam Elliott, I think, . i'm

735

drawing a - blank on his name,

but, his podcast is Autism Rocks.

736

And- Yeah … again, take your powers that

God or whatever you believe in- And take

737

those superpowers and use them for good.

738

And I think that's what you're

trying- Yes … to tell people here.

739

Yes, exactly.

740

So what else do you wanna share with us?

741

I know we've been talking for a

while, and I'm talking a lot, but-

742

Oh, what e- … Oh I can talk.

743

I've become addicted to podcasting,

'cause I've started my own now.

744

Let's talk about where

they can find my book.

745

Okay.

746

So my book as I said, my The Places

I Didn't Belong and then Maybe

747

I Didn't or Maybe I Did Belong.

748

They're available on Amazon.

749

They're available in paperback

and e-book, so check them out.

750

Where you can find me, so I

have a website, bpdraw.com.

751

And if you look up BPD Raw on Facebook,

I have there a page there as well.

752

And Instagram, you can

find a lot of videos there,

753

@dendub on Instagram.

754

Okay.

755

Sounds good.

756

And I will put all those links, so

guys, if you're listening but you can't

757

write, you can't stop doing what you're

doing to write it down, don't worry.

758

Everything will be in the show

notes so that we can make sure

759

that you can get hold of Denis

Dubois and grab his insane wisdom.

760

So I love that.

761

So but Denis, thank you

so much for coming on.

762

But before you go- if you had to give-

the listeners one more message, words

763

of wisdom, something awesome to take

with them th- to make their day a

764

little brighter, what would it be today?

765

Never let someone silence your voice

766

Amen.

767

Yeah.

768

Amen.

769

I love that.

770

And you should definitely trust your

voice because you're the person that you

771

speak to the most, if you think about it.

772

Absolutely.

773

Yeah.

774

Yeah.

775

Very well said.

776

Thank you so much, and thank

you so much for coming on.

777

I really had fun doing this.

778

Cool.

779

Yeah.

780

I did too.

781

Yes, absolutely.

782

I think this is one of, this is

one of my best so far, I think.

783

Oh, thank you.

784

I love that.

785

We had a great conversation.

786

And for everybody else out

there listening, you heard it.

787

The best and simplest way I can

put it, and if you've listened

788

to any of my podcasts, you've

heard me say it a million times.

789

You were born beautiful, amazing,

perfect, divine and joyous, and then

790

life lifed on you, and people told

you different things, and you started

791

to believe the things, even if it

was deep, deep in your subconscious

792

beliefs or even in your nervous system.

793

You started believing

things that weren't true.

794

So it's not about becoming a new you.

795

It's about going back and finding the

you that you were before life lifed

796

on you, and that is that beautiful,

divine, joyous creature we all are.

797

And you all deserve to go back

and have that authentic voice.

798

Don't ever, like Denise said, don't

ever let someone silence that voice.

799

That is you.

800

That is your truth, and you deserve

to live that truth every single

801

day that you're on this planet.

802

So- Beautifully said.

803

Yeah, so phew, I just, I believe that.

804

So you all have a most

wonderful and blessed day,

805

and we will see you back soon.

806

Bye.

807

Bye.