Co-Parenting, Body Image, and More with Erin Washington

Episode 128 • 26th December 2023 • Momma Has Goals • Kelsey Smith

0:00

Release the shame of that thing. Whatever that thing is, you thought of it while we were talking. Whatever the thing is for you, your life is not going to open up and align until you release the shame of it doesn't matter if it's not happening anymore. But there is something that you're still carrying, that is keeping you small, and shame will keep you small. If it's shame that's making you not share it. Please know that there are so many other women that are dealing with the same thing, but not everyone says it out loud. So think of the thing that you may still be carrying, and release it, and then put yourself out into the world.

0:36

Let's reimagine mom life together. Mama high schools is your hub for relatable support and helpful resources that help you fuel yourself alongside motherhood. Your identity is bigger than mom, and whatever your goals are, together, we're making them a reality. At the end of the day, parenting life, it's all about finding your unique balance and how you want to do it and what it looks like for you. And our guest today Aaron Washington does this in such a beautiful way we talked about the different seasons of her life and what that has looked like for her from transferring from a D one athlete into now her calling of supporting other women in their health and then motherhood and lifestyle. We talked about how she's now co parenting with her ex husband, and how we as parents model different things for our children, whether it's body image, how we talk about ourselves, our habits and routines. We talk about different things that we can do throughout our day to increase conversation with our kids and so much more. In Washington like I said as a former G one athlete, author of squats and margaritas and the journey to finding balance from pain to purpose finding meaning and the best and a nonprofit founder and the host of the squats and margaritas podcast. She's a mom of two juggling workouts play day to happy hours, and she subscribes to the philosophy of living life with balance identifying your balance and knowing what that means to you. And that it changes throughout the different season. The former college athlete struggled with weight and body image for 20 years she found her best body after having two kids in her squats margaritas podcast she talks fitness mom life and whatever's trending with authentic guests who like to tell it like it is Mom of seven and five year old balancing a new life ad overcoming an eating disorder and now helping other women through whatever it is that they're navigating. This conversation is so good, grab something to drink, pop those headphones in and listen to it. Aaron, I'm so excited to have you here today. Thanks for being here on the podcast, I was diving into your book, your butterfly, nonprofit, your podcast. And I'm like, gosh, this mom is amazing. And I want to start with just talking about how you balance it all. In the sense of I know that you believe in balance. You talk about squats and margaritas, motherhood and business. And I hear a lot from people balance doesn't exist. And I argue that a lot because I have a different perspective on that. So I want to hear your take on balance and what balance means in your life as a whole.

3:13

First of all, thank you for having me. Second of all, it's hilarious that you're asking me that question because that is what I asked every mom that I have on my show because I'm like, help me find the balance. And the overarching answer I get is there's no such thing. But if you're even like cognizant about being balanced and finding a balance, you're already a good mom. So I want to say that like if you're actually striving for that. But there absolutely has to be a balance. You can't live in the extremes. And for my life I lived in multiple extremes. I was anorexic. For a while, I was really into like health and fitness and I guess orthorexia and like ingredients, and living that way and I was miserable. Then I had my kids and like my daughter, and I lost myself after that, because I felt like I had no purpose. I was just at home. Breastfeeding, and I didn't see anything else for myself, probably would have been diagnosed for depression. If I actually went and sought treatment. I've lived in the extremes. And when I found this balance of what you called squats and margaritas, it's actually the name of my podcast, I came to a point where I just accept myself as I am. And it's just living in the middle ground. Like you have to just make sure as moms we have so many little boxes that we need to check. And we need to show up and all those boxes. And with that comes guilt. And a lot of it is self imposed like that you're not showing up in all the other areas. Finding and striving for that balance, I think is such a common problem that moms face especially mompreneurs. And I am just telling you, if it helps you like helps you feel better that I am still striving for the balance every day. And that is what my platform is based on and I haven't found it. So I try to find women in the public eye that have come through something and found little tips that I can share and selfishly that I can learn from and also share with my audience. I can't say that I found the balance yet I found And that balance gave me my physical ideal, which was what I wrote my first book about. And I finally found happy in my body when I started living with balance, but as far as a mom for newer, I haven't found it yet. Yeah.

5:13

And do you think that if you talk to yourself five years ago, maybe seven years ago, when you had your daughter, do you think that version of you would think that you have found some layers of balance? Because what I see so often is in the present, were like, Oh, I don't feel balanced. But you're a different version of you now than you were then. And that version of you would probably be like, Girl, you're crushing. Look at how balanced you are, do you think that's the case for you.

5:38

So it's interesting, because she's almost eight, my daughter, and eight years ago, I didn't see any of this coming, like anything that I'm doing now. So like to even consider finding balance between career and motherhood, when I didn't know I would have a career, I can't even think of what that would be like I had no, honestly, like, I had no self worth, I just, I was probably postpartum depression looking back. But I just felt like, I felt like there was more. But I didn't know what that is yet and writing my first book, and finally, like sharing my story, I don't know if you want me to get into that. But yeah, struggling with multiple eating disorders. I was a division one athlete in college, and like the state champion, soccer player in high school. And when I went to college, I just wasn't used to not being on the field. And I just assumed I would play, I never came off the field, and I didn't play. And we were talking off camera, like it's your identity when you put everything into something, and I was going to this college for soccer, and everything was soccer. And when I wasn't playing, I finally just quit on a whim. And it was gone. And I completely lost myself, because that's all I identified any worth or value with. When that was gone. It was like depression, bulimia, just having no self worth for I met my husband who was in the prime of his career in the NFL. And that comes with a lot of being insecure and worried when he's traveling and women waiting in the parking lot. And when I didn't have any self worth, I would just always assume he was cheating. And because I couldn't understand what he saw in me because I didn't see it. And it's funny that we even married because we dated for 10 years, and I was a psychopath I had no self worth and was always trying to catch him. And where I've come now, I never would have saw coming. But my transformation came when I finally looked at that dark stuff, my bulimia my depression. And I can tell you right now, even if you have a secret like that, that you're not doing anymore, like I wasn't physically abusing my body anymore, but you have not really looked at that or said it out loud, you're still carrying that. And until you address it, say it out loud, you don't have to write a book, write it, tell someone and release it. It's like the next part of your life opens up. And when I let go of that, and all that darkness, so many opportunities came, I got my show, I started a nonprofit. And now I'm sure we'll get to it. I'm actually in the middle of a divorce. I'm not with my husband anymore. But we co parent and I still love him. But me finding purpose and alignment in my life felt like it wasn't in alignment with what he wanted. And I know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And I had to make the decision that moving forward. Like he's not the person in my life in that capacity, we co parent, and I love him and I want him still in my life. But as a support for what I'm doing now in the body image and women empowerment space, it wasn't a match anymore. And that's okay. And I'm still trying to do this myself, tell myself your days, okay. And you just have to, it's like when you get to that point where you release the shame of whatever you're carrying, and you realize what you were put on this earth to do, and live in alignment, you know that it's okay, it's that it's okay to make a change or think of yourself and as moms like we put ourselves last but I'm finally at almost 42 I'm coming into the season where it's okay to choose myself and to lean into what my body feels is right? And ask for guidance and receive the guidance and just have this knowing that this is what I'm supposed to do. Yeah.

9:06

And to have the permission to either change your mind or make your mind for the first time. And I think whether that's with a partner, a business, a career path, or like your identity and who you want to be that's so important. And you talked a little bit about how you could not be doing something actively anymore, but you're not releasing. And whether it's an eating disorder or the past identity. There were decisions that I had made throughout my life that I carried shame around and I talk a lot about this, that I had to get over myself to be able to become the next person that I wanted to be. And I want to take us back to that place where you recognized okay, I'm not physically doing this anymore. I'm still carrying it. And what was the very first step you took? Was it getting outside support from someone something or were you able to take the next step yourself? What did that look like?

9:59

is not on my own. It was basically pulled out of me. And now I'm so grateful. When I finally found the balance of squats and margaritas, like I said, I found my best physical body at 37 After having two kids. And I was like, as long as I struggled with restriction and deprivation, the way that I found my ideal was living life with balance. Like, I started lifting, I have daily indulgences. And I just had this calling, I have to share it with a woman who is still like me on the treadmill twice a day, just burning calories, only eating salads not snacking, doing it the way we are taught as women and feeling frustrated. So my intention was to share the squats in margaritas lifestyle and help the next woman out of it. And I was like, Thank God, nobody ever found out about all my anorexia and bulimia because I'm not doing it anymore. So I go to a writing coach. And I said, here's what I want to write. I want to help the woman that's working out and not seeing results. And she just very candidly was like, Who are you? Are you a trainer? Are you a nutritionist? And I was like, no. And she goes, you don't have any credibility? Like, why would anyone listen to you? And I still would like holding on to it. I'm like, Just trust me, I have been through the things and I've come out on the other side, and I found what works. And she's unless there's a story there of how you came to this lifestyle of balance. You have no credibility, no one's gonna listen to you. And I fought her. I was like, Absolutely not. To give you some context. In high school, I was homecoming queen and Prom Queen, and the captain of the soccer team, no one had a clue what I was dealing with. And I had, I felt like I had to uphold this image. And I stopped doing it. And I was still trying to keep the image intact. So I was like, No, I don't want to tell anybody that I just want to help the women. And she pushed me. And then one day, I just wrote, I was like, I'm just gonna write it, and not even thinking I'm gonna send it back to her yet. And Kelsey, instantly, I felt lighter. And she hadn't even read it. I was just like, I was bulimic. I was anorexic, I was depressed. And I just wrote it. And it was off me. And I felt lighter. And like I said, I hadn't been doing the behaviors, and maybe 10 years when I wrote my first book, but you're still carrying it. And whoever's listening to this right now doesn't have to be an eating disorder, it could be something that happened to you something that you went through that nobody knows about, I'll give you a hint. It is whatever you're thinking of right now. You are still carrying it. And until you write it, release it, tell someone, you're not going to be able to move into the next part of your life. And for me, I found purpose. And what I'm doing now from sharing that pain. And had I not shared it like I still would have been in that like fog of just I don't really, I didn't have a purpose. I was a mom. But I felt like there was more I didn't know what it was. My purpose was going through that to help the next woman out of it, and share my story. And had I not shared it, I wouldn't have found profound purpose and alignment. So I can't say that I came to the decision myself to share it. But this writing coach, I guess I wanted to sell books. And she's no one who are your, you have no credibility. So I was like, oh, yeah, you want it and I wrote it. And let me just tell you to, like you said about shame keeps us small. And our secrets keep us sick. And like all those analogies about it like you think you obviously you have shame, I can think of it more shameful thing than throwing up your food. And that's what I didn't want anybody to know I did that. But I can tell you, when I shared it, especially right when it came out, I can't tell you the number of DMS I got from a woman that would be like, Oh, me, too, you're the only person I've ever told my husband doesn't even know. But I was a safe space because I was wonderful. I can tell you're not the only one. So if you're not sharing whatever it is because of shame. Not everyone says it out loud. But there are so many other women that are going through the same exact thing. You have to release it, release the shame of it. And I promise you the rest of your life, like your purpose and alignment will just open up once you've released that shame. Yeah.

13:49

And how do you bring this into your parent teen in the sense of your daughter is about to be eight. And that's a tricky age. That's where more of this image and use conversations with friends is really starts to begin in. Not that it should. But that's the reality of what's happening. And how do you balance sharing your story and having it be like, Hey, I went through this and I want you to be aware, and also setting good habits and good expectations and creating a culture that kind of has nothing to do with your story because there's this fine line balance of here's what I went through, I want you to know about mom. And that doesn't really matter sometimes. And here's just how I want to show up as a parent. My entire

14:33

focus is the ladder and like showing her and modeling it now I have not told her and she's gonna be eight she's in second grade. I don't want to put anything else on her that she's not even dealing with right now. But I used to think it was all about how I talked to her. I would be like do not do physical complements and I would have to literally Kelsea choke down. You're so beautiful. You're so strong. You're so kind and i i for so long was just cognizant about what I was saying to her Her, building her up that she's strong and kind and not using physical complements, because then they equate pretty and beautiful with their worth. But I realized recently, it is not just what you're saying to them, is what you're saying to yourself and what you're showing them. If you're telling them you're so strong and kind and whatever you're saying, and then you're in the mirror, I gotta lose five pounds. And look at this. She's watching you, you're her model of what a woman should be. And I realized there were so many toxic things I was doing, like stepping on the scale, she's watching me step on a little machine, and either be like, or yay. And it's Oh, we step on this little machine. And that tells us if we're happy or sad, or I think back to my mom, she was always on diets. But especially if there was like a big event, she was like, I have to go on a diet. And she wasn't eating this week, because we had a wedding or something. All that's doing is showing your kid that the best worthy, valuable version of you is a thinner one. And we don't think about that we're very cognizant about how we talk to our kids, but they are watching you. And there are so many things that I'm realizing now that I will not pass down to her and even clean your plate. No, clean your plate, keep eating, like your child is saying, Can I be done recognizing that they're getting a hunger and fullness cue? And you're like, No, we eat until there's no food on the table. It's like telling that it's the opposite of intuitive eating. And then for my daughter, she'd be like, Can I get a treat. So I would make her clean her plate to get a treat, stop making food or reward find other like screentime or they get to play outside or stop making food has to be neutral. And it can't be like up on a pedestal like this reward. But all those things like I admittedly was doing. And I was like, I'm telling her she's great and wonderful. And but if you're not saying it to yourself, you're doing her a disservice because she is watching you as to what a woman should be. So that was so eye opening i To answer your question. I've not talked to her about my stuff yet. I will for sure, yeah. But I am so cognizant of what I am modeling. And I am honestly grateful that I didn't have her when I was in the mess. And she could see these things like I've come into who I am and full body acceptance and loving who I am. And now I can model that for her. And I didn't have my first child till I was 34. And as maybe that was like, meant to be so that I could be a positive model. Because before then I wouldn't have been a strong role model for her. Yeah.

17:22

And this just shows up in so many other ways too, right outside of food and body. And I definitely have some questions for you on that. I'm thinking of my own kids. But how does this show up in just how you present yourself as a business mom, a working mom, like how you hold your worth, and all these other areas and go after your dreams and your goals. And some of the conversations that you have around just empowering your daughter and your son,

17:45

I will be the first to admit I had such impostor syndrome. Like when my first book came out, I was getting asked to do these shows as like a wellness expert. And I was like I don't really I don't really know, like I didn't go to treatment and the eating disorder community came for me and my first book like this woman is not healed. This woman use fat uses fat phobic language, and I was so hurt. And so defensive. Like I finally shared everything and now I'm being critiqued about it. So anytime I was asked to come on a show, I'd be like, I'm gonna say the wrong thing and fat phobic language. And I just had to be like, This is my story. This is what I went through. And I am the expert in my story. So I'm just talking about what I went through what I do now how I came out of it. And when you're just true to your authentic self, you can't be an imposter. You're like, you're just being yourself. And when I am on like a bigger stage or I was on a reality show recently, where I had a little impostor syndrome, I go back to my wins. And you have to go back to a time where like you were chosen for something or someone saw you. And you have to just keep that with you. So when you're feeling maybe you don't want to negotiate for yourself, like it's like a deal on Instagram, you're going to do a collab and it's like, what's your rate? I'm always like, Oh, it's no, you go back to your wins. And you're like, for me on my show, I was going live on Instagram during the pandemic. And honestly, just complaining about having a two and a four year old I'm sure you can relate. The work was shut down Kelsey, I was like, there's no playground, they can't go to school. And I would just go live and be like, What in the hell am I supposed to do with a two and a four year old and other moms will come on and they'd be like scavenger hunt, haven't find a stop sign and a pine cone. I'm like, Yes, this is good next week for a cocktail. And I'll go live. And it was like just to share best practices have momming in a pandemic. And yeah, it was just doing it to entertain moms because we couldn't go out. And a Program Director in Washington DC at the biggest radio station was watching me every week on Instagram. I had no idea. And she called and gave me my show. She was like, This is a show. We will produce it and I never saw it coming but I'm like she saw something in me. So I go back to her. The girl that picked me to be on this reality show with celebrities that like I couldn't even I felt like I walked in and they're like, are you laws or what are you doing? And I'm like Know, she saw something in me you always have when you're doubting your worth, and you need to advocate for yourself, have those wins or when somebody saw something and you would just have it right there. And that's what how I will advocate for myself to go back to those wins where I did have a day like that, like you can't. Or if you have impostor syndrome, if you're being your authentic self, you can't be an imposter. You're just sharing your story and being exactly who you are. And no one could call you an impostor in that.

20:26

I love that there's a quote that I love. And it is you could be the juiciest peach in the world. And there's still gonna be someone that hates peaches. And I come back to that all the time. Because you could share anything like you could say, I love drinking water and someone would come after you and be like, water is bad for you. Both of these things, Kelsey,

20:44

I get dragged first Margarita squats and margaritas you're promoting drinking. And I'm like, I'm saying that when I was depriving myself, I would never drink a margarita because sugar and carbs, like I found balance and I'm happy. And I get like, you're promoting sobriety like I'm actually sober, curious and trying to not drink. Like you don't know what like there's you can't win. Like, it's just like the Badlands like, you have to have both. And I'm all I can't and then I just stop. I'm like, Stop, like you said, you're gonna if you don't stop responding, if that's all you're gonna be doing the rest of your life. And if anybody is triggered by something, it's their own stuff, whoever is mad at you, like, I don't know, if Kim Gravelle she is on QVC. And she was like on reality shows and I just interviewed her. And so I've been like, watching her Instagram and she has lost like, I don't know, 60 pounds in the last like year or so. And I had her on my show. And she was telling me exactly how she did it was before all the weight loss drugs. Every time she posts a picture people like ozempic or we go was Goby, or whatever it is, and oh my god, if you would just admit that you're on these drugs. And I'm like in their triggered much leave a note for anybody to stay on time to write, they are feeling triggered, there's something in you that is making them feel triggered. And she is just like shining. And I know, like I want to go to bat for her. But I have to tell myself, like if it's defending myself or defending a friend, like if someone has the thought to write something like that they are triggered it is their own stuff. And you're never going to please anybody. And you shouldn't be afraid to shine or post a picture of yourself because somebody else might feel less than in themselves and attack you for it. Because that's exactly where it's coming from.

22:23

Yeah, you really have to just own your story, like you said, and share your truth. And whatever that is. And whatever it's sharing something positive and being scared to share something positive, because there's dark stuff going on in the world, or vice versa. You want to share something dark, but there's, you know, people want you to be positive, you have to just find what is your story, what's on your heart and be able to share that. And it comes back to this whole conversation of balance, right of finding what your balance is in that time and what feels good to you. And what's feeling authentic, and not time. Is there certain things that you do in your day, whether it's a morning routine, or self care practices, or anything that helps you be true to yourself and know what it means to be Aaron,

23:10

I have to take my walks. And 510 years ago, it was like runs for prs. Like I was just a psycho training exercise girl. And now I just walk and like I'm in nature. And I've started doing the no air pause. And I was like, I'll never be able to do this. It's gonna be miserable, who wants to be like alone with their own thoughts. But it is like therapy. And I get outside especially it's colder where I am now and you get cold air, you can like your mind opens up, I have a dog now we will go on our walks. And if I don't get outside in nature and take my walk, I'm not the same person. So I will make that a priority. But you made me think of something for anybody who's trying to balance being a mom and being a entrepreneur. I was feeling like there was no balance. And I had Melissa Bernstein on my show, and Melissa and Doug toys. So she's the Melissa. Yeah, I'm sure you have this choice. But she has seven kids and created the toy brand. And I'm just like, I don't get it. Like how did you balance it all? And she's just telling me about like your day and I'm like, I'm talking to you right now. There's a little boy with curly hair tapping on the window. And she's like, Hey, how do you handle it? I'm like, Hold on one second, Melissa, what do you need, buddy? And I'm like to show him that he's the most important thing. She was like no. And I'm like, what? She completely reframed it she's you don't tell him what you're doing is not important. She's what you're doing is just as important. And you tell him that what you do helps other people and she stopped dumbing down like what you're doing. And it's like my mom guilt of I'm doing something else. That's not him in the moment. I can't let them think that she's that's you. He if you're like go play with your sister. He'd be like, and he would go, but I'm like, I can't let him think. And she's no, you don't tell him she let him come in and be on the microphone. Let him show him and then she goes You said you had a daughter right? Don't you want your daughter to have something that she's just as passionate about? So don't say like mommy He's a little show. And I was like, Okay. And then she said, The other problem is your transition, there isn't one. And I was like, What do you mean? She's there talking to me? Then you close your laptop, and it's okay. But what are we having for lunch? She goes, there has to be a transition, or you'll never be able to do both. She's I don't care if you have to walk to your mailbox. But she's for me, I would work in New York. And I would come back on the train. And that was a transition time between corporate Melissa and mom, Melissa, she's like, that's what you're missing. And she goes, you're still in career, Aaron, and you close your laptop. And I said, What do you guys want? And you're like, I said, Yeah, I'm totally she goes, you need even if it's a walk to the mailbox, you need that transition time, where you're just set your brain. So now it's this, because I was like, I can't turn it off. And she showed me that the transition was lacking, so not dumbing down what you're doing, knowing that the mom girl is yours, and that they're gonna be just fine. If you tell them one second, but she's like stopping the show to show him like, what do you need your most important? She's a no. And I was like, that sounds wrong. But she was like, know, what you're doing is important. You do tell them that too. So that reframe has really helped me with finding the balance and being okay with being a mompreneur. Yeah,

26:06

I love that you bring that up, when you know the pandemic, hey, I quit my job, I was working at home, then I started this business. And my son at for a period of time would be like, Mom, you work so much. And I would have this conversation with him. And I was like, buddy, you think I work a lot, because you're home with me. And so you see it. But if you weren't here, you would just think you're at school. And sure mom's at work, but you're not seeing it. And it was this really interesting perspective for me to be able to be like, just because that's what they're seeing in their understanding. At that point in time, I was actually working like part time. And I worked in different hours. Because I was an entrepreneur, I was working at home, we were navigating different things. And it was really funny, because I was like, I work actually a lot less than a lot of parents in that season. But that's just all what he was seeing because he was home with us. 100% at the time. Yeah. And, and when he went back into school, he did have this shift of mentality where now he doesn't see me work. So he doesn't have that same mentality. And I think it's really interesting for us to just take a step back and be like, Okay, what are our kids actually thinking? They're probably curious. They're probably not like moms ignoring me. And also setting those boundaries to say, remember, this is mom's work time. And in about 20 minutes, we're gonna have our, but that's not our time, right. And that's been really big for me too. But when you're in it, and you see the little like, you say, curly haired boy typing on the window, that mom Gill is near Snana, it comes down and you're like, I'm making the wrong decision. Yes, right thing.

27:39

I also got this tip about over explaining what you're doing. Because for me, I'm always on my phone, and usually on Instagram, but I'm not scrolling Instagram, I'm working like, I will have a paid post, like something that has a deadline that I have to do or promoting my show or editing something. And I'm not just like scrolling social media, but my husband to it was like my husband and my kids would be like, you're always on your phone. But I'm like, I work on my phone, but they see. So I had to be like, I'm not just sitting on my phone, like mommy's finishing something over explaining it. And I don't know if you relate to this, but I am hyper vigilant is what my therapist calls it. I have to have everything in order and moving and I have to be doing things. And when the house is a mess, I can't calm down. And I in my mind, I'm like, I have to get this cleaned up so I can get it off my head and I can be present with my kids. That is my goal. And my kids just see me cleaning. And like my daughter. She made me realize she was like Mommy, I'm ready to go to bed. And she sees me I got like four things. I'm like, okay, baby, hold on one second. And she's mommy. Because you're not take that to the playroom right now. And she knew what I was doing. Because in my mind, I have to have it put away so that I can be present for the bedtime routine. She just sees. I'm saying I have to go to bed and your hold on and I'm going. So I was like, over explaining mommy's just putting this away so we can go do the prayer. But I in that moment, I dropped that. I was like, yeah, no, I'll do that later. Like she sees it. But I know that I'm doing it for her so I can be completely locked in because I can't if I have all the things not attended to but all she sees is Mommy, can we go to bed and you're choosing to clean up the playroom? And I'm like, No, but so over explaining like, why you're doing it or I'm not on my phone like they see you on your phone, but mommy's working. That was another helpful tip and not just assuming that they're annoyed or like just tell them what you're doing and that usually they're just like, okay, and it's all our like, guilt and stuff that like their big feel like I'm a bad mom and no they don't. You feel it? Like you you're carrying it all. They're fine. Yeah.

29:41

I think that's 100% it and like we're just all trying to figure it out. Right? That's where it comes back to. It's like you reevaluate as you go. And the overexplaining brought me back to a question that I had about like the food for you. So I've heard a lot about making food neutral and that's something that we've tried to implement in our home. and explaining what different foods do for our bodies. So we talk a lot about this is a protein and what proteins do, and this is what a veggie does. And this is why we eat all these different things. Now, my two year old will come up to me, he'll say, Mom, can I have this? Does it have protein in it? Am I allowed to have this? And I'm like, oh, man, this kind of went the other way

30:19

around of it. And Suzanne, nutrition is now now.

30:24

So I'm curious with your personal experience with how you show up as a parent, just your opinion, it doesn't have to be right or wrong. I'm just curious, your mom opinion, what are some ways that you would neutralize this again, so we don't think that everything has to be good for us and everything has to proceed?

30:39

For me, it's all like, how does it make your tummy feel like my daughter, so she's just under five feet tall and second grade, she's going to be six to like, she's so tall and she's just growing like a weed. And she is hungry. And she'll be like pouring this huge bowl of cereal, like two waffles next to it and like go into the night. And I don't want to give her noise about it. But I'm like, how do you think that's gonna make your tummy feel? Or sometimes like letting him do it? And then oh, my tummy I was like, because we didn't listen to our tummies we listen to our tummies. So in my house is listen to your tummy. Or if they say can I be done? It's not clean your plate, it's how does your tummy feel? And then for protein and stuff my son is all about, like superheroes. And I'm like, you don't even eat your broccoli do like, how are you going to be strong and like spider man or whoever their person is. So he likes to eat certain foods that'll give them muscles. My tip would be do not make any food off limits. I don't know if you follow the food babe Vani Hari, I had her on my show. And I was like, I just have to tell you, I'm not into all the ingredients and looking all these things that she would put what is wrong with Chick fil A and all these things. And I'm like, don't show me. But she's educating. But I have to ask you like, when your kids leave your house, they really eat all the bad things because they're not accessible to them. Because only like healthy things. And that leads to binging. And she's like, maybe when they're older. Yeah, like they're still at the house all the time. But for me and having all that eating disorders, food that was like up on the pedestal, like the bad food, like the old like the treat food. That's because I looked at it is up on the pedestal. That's all I wanted. And it made it enticing. And if everything is allowed, there's not a reason to binge, because it's not off limits. And so you don't feel like after you eat all the chips, like for me, I'd be like, I would have I would eat clean during the week. And then I have like my cheat day or I wasn't drinking wine during the week. But then you drink all the wine on Saturday, because it's your drinking day. And it's not available on Monday, because it's not a drinking day, I had all these rules. And when I just said everything is off limits, it makes it I'm excuse me, everything is allowed, not off limits. It makes it less enticing because you can have it when you say I can't have it. That's all I'm thinking about. That's all I want. So my kit, everything's in the house, but I'll be like if my son I don't want to tell them. It's bad or not allowed, like he loves Lay's potato chips, like a yellow bag. And he will have it and he'll ask for another one. And I was like I said you have to listen to your tummy. How does it make your tummy feel? So we'll say that but I don't say no, we don't eat chips are bad. Because that goes to Nana's and he sees the chips. And he's he's winning. It makes it more tempting. Take it off the pedestal food is neutral. Food is fuel. If you got a little boy, what superhero whatever they're into, like, how do you think they got those big muscles? I'm always like, it hasn't gone the other way where you will only eat things that happen to you. But that's how I handle it. My house is all about how does it make your tummy feel? And nothing is off limits.

33:25

Yeah, I love that. And I think the on the food standpoint, I'm just thinking about how that shows up. And like how we care for ourselves and our hobbies and our time and our scheduling in the sense of if you want to go do these things as a family, whether it's like a vacation or going out to dinner with your partner, or going and doing this like special thing. How do you sprinkle more of those joys into your life? So it's not like you're only finding joy when you go on that family vacation? Or you're only finding joy when you go out to a fancy dinner with your partner? Like how do you bring more of that in in the same way that you're not binging experiences, or binging food because you can't have it and it's on this pedestal? Because that brings us to not be super present and what we're currently doing. And I think that's just again comes back to the balance the theme of today of like, how do you create those different balances in your life. And so I want to talk a little bit about identity because I think that is really where we can create more balance with anything is when we're holding our identity in places that we are finding lack of balance that makes it really difficult. So it is very common that when people grow up doing sports, that is their identity and my I grew up dancing, not depending on whether you want to call that a real sport or not. It was my identity. It was but it was the main thing I did but my husband was super athletic and he played a bunch of different sports. He also played football in college. And we talked a lot about how that was his identity and as parents and now we talked about all the good things that came from that for him. Like all the friends he made the things that he learned These activities, but it was a huge part of his identity. How did you looking back on how you made that transition? I know you talk a lot about this in your book. And I'm really excited for everyone to grab that if you have a child that plays sports or you went through that transition, you should definitely head to Amazon and get her new book, from pain to purpose, finding meaning in the mess, absolutely love it. But how do you show up now for your kids to say, Okay, I want you to be really all in on this thing. I want you to be super excited and obsessed. And having a professional athlete husband, this is energy and say you're gonna have this, but we need to have an identity outside of that. So like, how do you find that balance? What are some practices that you're going to try to implement? Yeah,

35:42

diversify. Like, my daughter is all about cheer. And in the South. It's like football in the South. I mean, it's competitive cheer in second grade. And it is so I don't want her to get burnt. I'm thinking like more burnout. Not even want to cheer because it is so much but she loves it right now. But I'm like, What about soccer, like, I want her to try everything. And then that's what I did gymnastics, dance, soccer, softball, cheerleading, like basketball, everything and the soccer stuff. And that's what I wanted to pursue. And that's what I was getting college offers for. So that kind of became my thing. But I think a lot of it has to do with birth order. Because I'm the oldest of four girls. All four of us played Division One soccer in college, I was the only one who was psychotic about it. And obsessive and I would train year round. Like my sisters who all had successful college careers, when I was the one obsessed with it, they would be like, Oh, we have winter workouts, I'll go for a run or something like it was just something for me, it was everything. And I'm the one who had it not work out. And you just have it has to be just something that you do. And it sounds like easier just to say that. But like, you want to praise your child and have them do their best and like really apply themselves but can't be the only thing you have to diversify, they have to find value in something other than their sport. And when that all they're hearing is, oh my god, you're so good at football, you're so good at whatever their thing is, then they're like, Oh, that's my value. Like I'm good at football. And then when football is gone one day, like you mentioned my husband, he played nine years in the NFL, and he had played football since middle school. He'd never had another job except linebacker, that's it. And then one day it will be gone. And for him. He was 32 when he retired, and then it's what's next. Like when you put everything into something that was your identity. Regardless, if you have a successful or unsuccessful career, that's what you find your worth and value in. And when that is gone. It's very hard. It's I've been told it's like a death, especially in the NFL, like the death of career, his football persona, like that person is no longer and it's Who are you now. And I went, I quit soccer in college. And that was the only thing that I saw value in full scale depression, I had no other identity, there was nothing like now I'll just do this because everything was soccer. So I would say don't, it's not don't say that they're great at whatever their sport is hype them up. But don't let them think that their value is So like the physical complements is being pretty or playing soccer. Like just give them all well rounded compliments on what a sweet person they are. My daughter is a great artist. So I'm like you drew the most beautiful thing, it's just make sure that you're complementing other aspects, even if they're the best football player in the world, like, great, but don't make it all about that or especially a firstborn. obsessive personality, like me, will be like, Oh, this is my why I'm worthy, why I have value. And then one day, when that's gone, it's gonna be a slippery slope to depression. And I just, I know what to watch for now. And if they're too into something, it's a maybe we'll we won't play that this year. Like, just watch it. And I do think it has to do with personality, like you have to be susceptible to you if you know that your firstborn or somebody has an obsessive personality, and they're all in. It sounds amazing and driven, but it can take a left into something dangerous. Yeah.

39:00

And I think even beyond retirement, or you naturally falling out of that sport, whether it's age or not playing as much as you want to, there's also injury, right that can happen. And I can take it away from you, and be super unexpected. And then all of a sudden, you're not able to do the thing you want to do anymore. What are maybe some habits that you like to create as a household and as a family to keep you connected, keep conversation flowing. Because that's something that I see a lot in our community, it makes all of this everything we've talked about today, easier when those lines of communication are open, and you're just starting to get into the ages where maybe they're a little less responsive. So what are some things that maybe work for you to be able to continue these conversations and even if they're not responding to you're putting it out there?

39:48

I love this question. We sit down to dinner every night as a family, no TV, and everybody says the best thing that happened today and the worst thing that happened to them, and now I see them be like oh, I'll tell you later like the whole Hold on to a memory or something from the day that they want to share. And it's like a tradition now that they know we're gonna sit down together. And I'll like, oh, Maya goes first or Jace goes first tonight. Well, it's the best thing that happened today. And they're just be like, they're in the spotlight and the best thing, they say it, and then she'll do hers. So that's just like a, we're all kind of sitting together and collaborating, and I'm present, and they expect it. So we do that every night. But I forget who gave me this tip. I was always saying, kids don't realize, especially young kids, they don't realize like how much time you were working versus how much time you're spending with them. But they know when you're like locked in with them. So it can be 15 minutes, where your computer's down, your phone is away, and you're just locked in with them. And I always make a point, since I have two kids to give that time to just one of them. So they feel special. But what I wasn't doing, and someone else I wish I could credit her was like you use that time, tell them, ask them what they want to do. Let them come up with. This is my time with me and my daughter, what do you want to do? And they don't know if it's 20 minutes, if you think about it, 20 minutes in your day will make all the difference. They got to choose what they wanted to do. They just had mommy. And like in the grand scheme of things like that 20 minutes is going to make such an impact. So we'll do the 20 minutes I just started Incorporated. What do you want to do? No, it's mommy and J's time, what are we gonna do? And he's can't even sit down. He's so excited. 20 minutes, and it's so meaningful to them. And then the what's the best part of your day was the worst part of your day, even if my grant like or were at their grandma at my mom's house. They're like viva, you're not saying the best part of your day. And she's What do you mean, I'm like, oh, it's they expect it. Now we sit down and we talk about and then you can uncover things like my daughter, who's a second grade will be like somebody said something to her on the playground like what, like what happened out there, I'll learn what's going on where she wouldn't have told me if we didn't have the best part or the worst part of your day. So I'm up on what's happening with my kids, they get there a little moment in the spotlight to share and we just feel really like present and locked in with each other

41:52

every night. I love that. And you mentioned you're going through a divorce. Now it's a fairly peaceful divorce, you guys are co parenting really well. And I think it's so important to normalize that just because someone isn't meant to continue to do life with us. It doesn't necessarily mean it has to be this giant catastrophe. I love that. So thank you for modeling that. But these practices that you have at home and things that are really important to you, let's talk about the co parenting piece and how you keep those consistent or different between households, and have this family culture even if it's separate. Yes.

42:29

Love this question to you, for I can't believe it. I'm speaking on this. I have been with my ex for 18 years. But I would like to see the numbers of women who file for divorce in their 40s. Because I feel like you finally step into who you are. And you're 40 that doesn't really work for me anymore. Were when we like were 24. I was like whatever. Yeah, sure that works for me, I that has to be a thing where you realize who you are, and things aren't aligned anymore. And maybe your career starts to elevate and it's not a match. But I would love to see those numbers. So in my early 40s, this has happened to us. But we are co parenting so well. And I was telling you, it's almost confusing, because we do get along so well. But in the capacity of CO parents and almost like friends, not as the spouse support role, because that's off the table. Now we can get along and I probably stayed a year too long. Because I was trying to keep the family unit intact. And I was like my kids at the time were four and seven. And I was like I can't do this to them. But he surprised us. I still can't believe how easy the transition was. And maybe it's the way that we did it. But we all went out to lunch as a family. We told them as a family and it was like mommy and daddy love you so much mommy so loves Daddy, daddy, so loves mommy. But they were noticing like the fighting and the yelling and toxicity. And that was almost like the last straw was like I cannot have this kind of toxic energy. Even if it wasn't like awful. Just this, I felt like my shoulders were up all the time. There was always just toxic energy, and I can't show my daughter that this is normal. Or she's gonna be in a relationship and someone's gonna say something to her yell at her and she's gonna be like, This is normal. This is marriage. This is love. This is what I saw. So I was like, I can't model this anymore. They were I remember, like the last straw. I was yelling, and my kids brought me from their play kitchen. They came upstairs. They're like, Mommy, we made you this calm down dinner. And I was like, Huh. And I was like, oh, no, she's like, You were yelling at Daddy. So we made you a calm down dinner. And I'm like, I wasn't yelling you. Were just talking loud. And then I was like, wow, like they feel it. We have to be in separate houses. So when we go to lunch, I was like, we don't want to be yelling or anything. I want to be the best Mommy I can be Daddy wants to be the best daddy he can be. So now we're still going to be a family. But we're going to have two houses and they were like, and like excited. I'm like, yeah, and right now after we eat, we're going to go to Target as a family. We're going to pick out sheets and toothbrushes and everything for Daddy's house. And then I went over there and had like their bed is like big ticket favorite things from my house, at his house, like in their room. So they will like open the door like, like my son said, Thank you, mommy. Thank you mommy for doing this for us. And I'm looking at him. And we're like, wow, like they handled it like bosses like, they thanked us. And they, and I, it has only been seven months. So I don't know if like, at some point, they're going to be like, my son will make the comment. He's five. And he'll be like, sometimes it crushes me. He'll be like, Mommy, I just want one house. Can I just have one house? And I'm like, so does mommy. We don't want to be fighting. And look, we we love you so much. Everybody's getting along, you can go to one happy house and this happy house. And when we go to cheer or soccer, I don't know what to call, I keep saying my has my ex and I stick together because in my mind, I was like, I cannot have them coming off the field and be like, Well, who do I go to? And it's been so easy. Like, the first time was weird or like, do we sit together but now it's I don't think anybody even knows that we're divorced. Because it's so easy. Like the last seven months, we just sit together. And then it's like fist bump, I take the kids, he's still in my life. I want him to be in my life. He's the father of my kids, and I still love him. But I think for me and I, from what I've heard, like when you get around 40, you really step into who you are. And maybe it's not the person that you were when you got married. And it's not a match anymore. And so for so long, I was trying to like, almost dole myself down so that he would be appeased and be the person that he married and just be like that unambitious woman that I was when he got married. But I am in alignment with what I'm supposed to do. I know I went through all my mess, to be able to have the platform that I do to share inspiring stories, bring the next woman out of it, I even took it a step further and made a nonprofit for Teen Girls that was not available when I needed it. So I created it. And I know, this is what I'm supposed to do. And if he can't be on board for that, I have to go in a different direction. And it doesn't have to be like volatile, it's, we it's fine. It still sounds so weird to like talk about divorce, because it's not like this contentious divorce. And if it was, it'd be a lot easier to just be like, because we get along great and that sometimes I'm like, oh, maybe we can make it work. But when you know what you are here for, and you're living in alignment, it's so that it's the right decision. And I think just coming into this a couple years ago, just exactly why I'm here. And it starts with releasing the shame of whatever you were carrying. You realize maybe this isn't a match anymore, and I don't regret anything. And that time was wonderful. 18 years together, we have our children. And that was the reason and we will continue to be in each other's lives. But like moving forward into alignment with why I'm here. He's not the match for that anymore. And that's okay. Yeah.

47:39

Yeah, I think you're doing it so well. And I'm sure sometimes it doesn't feel that way inside or where you're at. But there is no right way to navigate life, or divorce, or parenting or anything else. We have to figure it all out for our selves. But I can say wow, I'm like, so inspired and inspiring, like how you're handling it. And this might not be your story. But I know lots of women that do end up getting divorced, they go through this transformation separately with their partner, and they end up back together. And that might not be your story and probably isn't. But I think it's important to remember you can always just let whatever is gonna happen in your future happen. And whatever is meant to be. I don't want to say everything happens for a reason, or whatever is meant to be I don't really love those sayings and the cliche nests of that. But I think trusting in what is right now, and not worrying about what is meant to be later

48:35

that thank you for that advice. I need that because I love the person that he is. And I could see once the kids are on their own, and I'm not doing this anymore. And he's not just our souls like, well, we will come back to each other. But right now I'm going to do what I know I'm supposed to do. And that's not a match for what he wants right now. And that's okay. And yeah, it's not contentious, like, maybe we will end up back together. And like you said, you can't really think about that. Like for now. I know, this is the right decision. And I second guessed myself for so long. And then, even though I was like this is not a match for me anymore, trying to preserve the family. But we still have the family like I told him about Christmas, stay in the guest room and he has matching Christmas jammies and because the kids will be so happy to have daddy here and I don't hate him. But as a when you see other relationships, like my sister is a CEO of a company at 32. Like, boss, her husband hikes her up and is there a team and he I didn't have that and when i i know that exists, you won't like settle for less than that. And maybe you weren't settling for a while because you didn't know what you wanted and you didn't find your purpose. But once you find it, don't settle like it when you find that certainty of this is what I'm supposed to do. If it doesn't align for you. I'm not going to draw myself down and try to conform to what aligns for you. It's your life and I swear like when you get to 40 So you just step into who you are finally, and you don't just live for everybody else, and you have the guilt of you got married, and you have to this is good marriages work and that is true. But when your values and like what you want no longer align, and you're just anybody that's listening to this, and it's just staying, because you don't want to do it to your kids may surprise you, they are fine. And we as long as you're showing them a great co parenting relationship. And I would say tell them together, sit down together, go pick out things together as a family, it wasn't like, I dropped them off. Like, we did it as a family and we're still a family, we just want to be the best mommy and daddy that we can be. So we have two houses, but they're fine. Like, I can't believe how well they handled it. Yeah.

50:41

And I know you said you think that you may have stayed a year too long. But I think from hearing this so good that you made this decision when you did, because maybe if you had prolonged it, if you had waited longer, then there would have been more resentment, there would have been more attention, there would have been things that hadn't gone well. And and this has been able to be a peaceful transition because you're like, you know what, let's do this. Now before it gets to a place that I can't see you at the front porch at drop, or I can't do these things. So I think it's so important to know what's right for you. And I think that shows up even outside of this in the sense of don't stay in your job to the point that you absolutely hate where you work. Don't stay in your business that you no longer want. When you no longer want to be there. Don't keep that friend around to the point that you guys really shouldn't be friends anymore. Like, you have to listen to what feels right. And I have a friend Haley that says bless and release, you have to bless and release when things are no longer like serving you.

51:37

Yes. And I just thought of something too. If someone is, yeah, you found your purpose, and you're so aligned now. And like it maybe five years ago, I've been wrong, or whatever. Let me just say that if you are feeling I felt like itchy, and a little bit unfulfilled. And I know as a mom, you're not supposed to say that out loud. But I felt we say that here. Okay. I felt like there was more, but I didn't know what it is. And I'm like, I just I can tell you start by like I said releasing the shame of whatever you're carrying. But what is something that you've been through, that you can help someone else out of and it doesn't have to be like some dark thing, it could be something you could teach someone, just start putting your authentic self out in a blog, make an Instagram page, I don't know. If you knit if you whatever it may be, it is something that you've came through and you want to share it and help build a community of people that you can support you find purpose in supporting and helping others and you get there by saying out loud what you've been through releasing the shame of it. And then that's how you find purpose. And I would say start by just putting your authentic self out into the world. Go back to my show that I have right now is my favorite thing I've ever done. And I got it by being my authentic self. I had no other aspirations. It wasn't an interview. I never thought about having a podcast, I was just being myself on the internet. And a program director was watching you never know who is watching you and can like give you exactly what you're looking for. But I can tell you, you won't get it if you're not putting your authentic self out into the world authentically and organically as you are just as you are put it out and just look for the guidance I we didn't get into blue butterfly, but there was a blue butterfly coming to my doorstep. Maybe for two, three weeks, every single day, Kelsey, and I'm I wasn't I am a spiritual person now, but I was so crazy. My kids would be like, Mom, your butterflies here and it wouldn't fly away. And I had all these videos and I'm like timestamping it like God universe. I see it. What I don't know what I supposed to do with it. But at any time. There was something like it was like with my divorce or decision an overshare. But there was a time where I was a keynote speaker somewhere. And I was getting a lot of pushback on leaving during the school week to go and give this keynote. And I was like maybe I shouldn't maybe I should stay home even though there's a father here. I had a lot of shame about it. Kelsey, I went to the biggest I'm in Atlanta I went to the biggest airport in the world. So TSA line is ridiculous. I could have stopped and gone to the bathroom to throw off the timing. I could have stopped to tie my shoe. And there's people coming in the TSA every second like in the line wherever where I end up it I come out and go right or left so all the variables up to there I go right. The next been when I go to put my shoes and to go through TSA had a blue butterfly sticker in it. And I was like I took a picture with it and I was like God, ask for clarification, ask for guidance whenever I'm like I will see a blue butterfly on a backpack. I was saying with my sister in for Easter we had a cabin with nine bedrooms. I opened up the room there are blue butterflies all over the wall so I was like this room works for me like I will ask for it and I will get it either the blue butterfly in the physical which has been back or what are the odd how could it ever be in that same bin? I could have gone anywhere and now I know I keep going thing, the reassurance that keep going, this is what you're supposed to do. But put yourself out into the world authentically as you are asked for guidance, and it will blow your mind because you will get it. I just say it's right there, but you're looking at your phone. So ask for guidance. Put your phone down, go take a walk in nature. You're not like doubting God or the universe to like question or be like, is this right? Ask for guidance, and I get it. And it's like goosebumps. And when I talk to other people, they're like, Yeah, same thing happen. If you're feeling a little unfulfilled release the shame of what you're carrying, put yourself out into the world authentically and organically. Ask for the guidance. And then you will get it and then you'll know exactly why you're here on this planet.

55:40

Yeah, so good and be present enough to see it and hear I think that is such an important detail that you said put your phone down. I have one final question for you. But before I get there, I want you to talk about all the places that everyone can connect with you for blue blood or five for squats and margaritas for you is Aaron. Go ahead and tell us the best places. Yes,

55:59

I get it. I don't think I even said it. Blue butterfly is my foundation. I ended up naming it blue butterfly because of the butterfly stalker that I had. And that is mentorship and advocacy for teen girls who are struggling with body image and self worth. It's at the blue butterflies on Instagram and the blue butterflies.org My podcast is my favorite thing in the world of squats and margaritas that you can get that wherever you get your podcast as we talk about parenting entrepreneurship fitness, like I don't want to be like pigeon holed into like squats and margaritas and being fitness or anything I love just talking about a lot of moms stuff branding, stuff like that. And then for me, it's I am Erin Washington and I show up the most on Instagram. Awesome,

56:40

so good. And I love all your content. I think it's super relatable and real, which is my favorite thing. If I go to someone's account, I want to be able to hear like the realness behind it. And also not just sit in the heart, but get a takeaway to be able to make it a little better. And that is definitely clear on your platform. So I absolutely love that because we don't want just the toxic pour a glass of wine or have a margarita. But we also want to say have a margarita today and then tomorrow, maybe wake up and go for a walk. It's all about balance. You have so many things that are going on your life right now you just released your book, which I actually also love that there's a second edition or a second edition to that book. Is that what you call it? Where you added a post pandemic, your new perspective on it. Absolutely love that. So you just released your book, you have your divorce going on in a new co parenting relationship, you have so many fun moving parts and excitement. But what would you say is something that you're really excited about right now? Or your biggest goal, something that's really lighting you up in this season?

57:38

Oh my gosh, great question. I wouldn't have this a couple months ago, I wrote a children's book called I'm just like me, and it's to show kids that there's no reason to compare because everyone is exactly how they're supposed to be. If you're taller, if you're shorter, if you way more of your skin is darker. That's okay, no one is supposed to look like anybody else. And I feel like God downloaded into my brain like I woke up. I wrote my other two books took months and months. And this I wrote in the span of like maybe three days, every stanza rhymed, and I'm so proud of it. But let me just tell you, anybody that has published a children's book, Godspeed and gold medal, it is so hard to get a publisher. And then if you get to a publisher, they're like, we can't read this because you don't have a literary agent and then can't get literary agents to respond. And at this point, I have not given up on a publisher, but I will self publish, like I did my first deal if I have to, because I'm just so excited about this book and getting it into the world and just getting it in the hands of young kids to know, at an early age, you're just supposed to be like you you're not supposed to be like anyone else. I'm working with an illustrator on it right now. And I want my daughter on it. Because like I said, she's five foot tall. She's biracial, and always asking like, why she's so much taller, why her hair is curly. I'm like, because that's how you are, you're not supposed to be like anyone else. And there's no book that like says that. So hopefully, I'm just like me will find a publisher soon. If not, I will publish that thing, because that is what is lighting me up in this season.

59:05

Oh, that is so good. I can't wait to read it. I know that it's going to be so good. We'll definitely make sure we share it with our community. For everyone that's listening. We have these episodes where we get so many good takeaways. And we had such great conversation. But if you were to tell someone to take one specific action, after this episode ends today, what would you tell them to go do?

59:26

Release the shame of that thing. Whatever that thing is, and we thought of it while we were talking. Whatever the thing is for you, your life is not going to open up and align until you release the shame of it doesn't matter if it's not happening anymore. But there is something that you're still carrying, that is keeping you small, and shame will keep you small. If it's shame that's making you not share it. Please know that there are so many other women that are dealing with the same thing but not everyone says it out loud. So think of the thing that you may still be carrying, and release it and then put yours self out into the world authentically as you are and watch what happens. So good. Thank

:: 00:05

you so much for your time. Aaron. This was so great.

:: 00:07

Thank you, Kelsey. I love what you're doing and it was such a pleasure. You

:: 00:11

your story and what you have to offer this world builds me up. I want to meet you join me on Instagram at this is Kelsey Smith. And let's create a ripple effect for mamas with goals together is better

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