Welcome to the kids with big emotions podcast
formerly known as Calm Night, Strong Days.
I am your host. Andy Clark.
Today. Episode 72 is a little different.
This week
we were at the pool.
and I saw a mom
who was really struggling with her child.
and
I'm hoping that she's listening.
and I'm hoping that
she hears this. So
I saw you today
keeping yourself calm
while your child was struggling.
You were staying calm while he was yelling in your face
and hitting you, telling you how much he hated you.
He hated the pool. He hated the kids.
and then a minute later
he'd be in your arms, holding you so tight.
still crying, and so upset.
trying to use his words to explain what was going on.
While not fully understanding what he himself needed right now.
He was stuck so much in his shark brain that he couldn't breathe like you asked him to, or use any of the other skills
that I know. You've worked hard to teach him
through all of this, him going back and forth between being upset and hitting and yelling at you
to being in your arms, crying and holding you so tight back and forth.
You stayed calm.
You did such a good job.
I wanted to reach out and hug both of you.
I wanted to tell you how amazing of a mom you are
and how lucky your son is, and I wanted to tell him that he is such a great kid
that even though he was upset right now, I know how good of a kid he is deep inside.
I also wanted to tell you that I have been in your shoes.
and there are still days that my son will yell at me out in public like that.
He's come a long, long way, and I am so
proud of him. The outbursts are not as often by any means.
He squashes them faster, and he's able to use his tools.
You are. Why do what I do?
It was really so tough trying to navigate. Why, my son had these outbursts
just today. I was talking to someone about how there's so many pieces to figure out with each kid, and it's never the exact same with each kid.
But there are so many different puzzle pieces. It's not a 1-stop solution.
I wanted to help you so bad in that moment, but I knew
that all of your bandwidth needed to go to him. All of his bandwidth was going to you.
I wanted to help.
so I wrote down a bunch of resources on a piece of paper.
and before you left I gave it to you.
Your son grabbed it.
which I knew I should have been prepared for, because that's something my son would have done as well.
You stayed calm.
You let him hold it.
even though he was wrinkling it and threatening to rip it up.
You stayed calm.
I realize how hard it is to stay calm
and not move into your shark brain or become a turtle and completely shut down
when your child is in their shark brain or their clown brain, where they're like
on the prowl wanting to hit fight just
oh, in such protection, mode, or anxiety, totally fearful panic attack out there.
It is so hard for us as parents to stay calm and not get into those brains ourselves.
You did it.
You're such a great mom, and your son is so so lucky.
I want you to know that you're not alone
as much as it may feel at times that you are the only parent that is dealing with a child that is so deep in their sharp brain, yelling at you, calling you names, saying things that's so hurtful in the moment.
or child that is in their their
clownfish brain, where anxiety they don't want to go anywhere. They can't leave the house. They're just panic attacks. They won't go up and play with anybody or do anything, and they're frozen.
It's hard.
It is super super
hard.
know that there are so many other parents who are also feeling the same way because their kids are doing the same thing.
I am one of them.
I may never see you again.
though I hope I do.
I gave you this podcast as one of the references.
Maybe you're listening. If you are
want to let you know that I see you. I see how good of a mom you are. I see how much work you've already put into being able to help your son.
I see all that you have done and all that you want to do
feel free to reach out.
I have 2 years, and I'm a very good listener to not only what's going on with your son, but also to listen
to how you're feeling
the good and the bad, all of it.
How at times you may wish your life was different.
that some days are so frigging hard
that some days you wish you had a quote, unquote, normal child.
that you're tired.
You're frustrated. You're lonely.
and would just like a break to rest and recover yourself
and take time to breathe and try to figure out how the heck to help your child.
sometimes wondering how long you can go on with the outbursts.
watching other parents drop off their kids and go. But
you know you have to stay
in case your child has an outburst, you have to be there. You can't go. You can't get that time to yourself.
or maybe that was just me.
That's my story.
I'm not sure what your story is, but I would love to hear your story.
You aren't alone in this.
You had a
a lot of great strategies with your son at the pool.
There are definitely others that you could try in the moment, and things you could do outside of outbursts
that can help both your son and you. I'm here to support you in whichever way you need
just a shoulder to cry on somebody to vent with, somebody to to just be camaraderie with.
or somebody to help you with the next steps and strategies or both.
However, you need. I'm here.
My email's in the show notes.
You live close. So instead of booking an online call, let's meet in person, maybe go for a walk, grab a coffee.
or
and then you can do all of the talking if you want.
I haven't learned everything I have learned
to help my son to not share it with other parents, and I'll share it with all of you.
There is light on the other side, and both you and your son can get there.
I'm sending you the hugest hug right now.
Can you feel it? I'm squeezing you.
I am sending you all sorts of love and kindness, and caring and compassion.
I'm going to end this episode here as I need to go breathe, drink some water, and wipe my tears.
If you aren't the mom from the pool.
But you resonated with this, know that I'm here for you, too.
I've been in your shoes. Reach out to me personally, my email is in the show notes.
We have a Facebook group, the link for that is in the show notes with other parents just like us
book a 30 min. Call with me and and let's talk.
No parent
should have to navigate their child's big emotions alone.
I'm here for you. Other parents are here for you in the Facebook group.
Let's do this together.
