Hey

Why can dating be so incredibly tricky ?

What are the subtle things that we could get more aware of.

In order to have better awareness about our behaviour.

In order to make better choices.

What are the things that we call chemistry that attracts us so much to some people but not to others.

Enjoy this fun convo I had with David

You will also hear about my one time online dating experience that went absolutely sideways, south,

How ever you say that in english HA!

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Unknown: 00:00:06

you challenge me so much. Oh my gosh, I love it. By

Unknown: 00:00:11

the way, we're recording already. So I'm not going to cut

Unknown: 00:00:13

this out. I love to be a challenge I love to push for

Unknown: 00:00:17

growth. who know me people who listen to my podcast don't know

Unknown: 00:00:23

that very well, today with David Lee, and we talk about online

Unknown: 00:00:30

dating, and dating in general, stuff that is frustrating us.

Unknown: 00:00:36

And stuff that we finally want to make sense of. David? Aurora,

Unknown: 00:00:46

hello. Yes. So nice to have you here. And I'm very excited to

Unknown: 00:00:51

share your Yeah, your questions, your insides, your frustrations.

Unknown: 00:00:58

We talked a bit about it previously. What would you say

Unknown: 00:01:04

is the number one? Like difficulty when it comes to

Unknown: 00:01:09

online dating? You've been dating ladies online for a

Unknown: 00:01:14

couple of years on and off? Can you see a kind of a red line?

Unknown: 00:01:21

Yes. Well, let me tell you. I think the hardest part is

Unknown: 00:01:27

actually getting a response. Because as a guy, it seems like

Unknown: 00:01:31

it seems like anytime you go to, you know, say parties or

Unknown: 00:01:34

anywhere in person, like there is always an abundance of guys,

Unknown: 00:01:38

and a very few females, and especially online dating, it

Unknown: 00:01:43

seems like and I've talked to different women about this, that

Unknown: 00:01:48

they will get 10s or hundreds of emails a day, from guys. And

Unknown: 00:01:56

from the guy sign, I don't think it's just me, because I got a

Unknown: 00:01:58

pretty good profile, you know, and I think I look okay,

Unknown: 00:02:01

hopefully. But I might get two, three for maybe a week. And so I

Unknown: 00:02:09

think part of the problem is, all these women are getting so

Unknown: 00:02:12

many emails, and they get so frustrated, and just getting

Unknown: 00:02:16

them to respond. Or to, you know, just get that first

Unknown: 00:02:21

message is difficult in and of itself. And then from there,

Unknown: 00:02:25

it's trying to, to hash out a conversation. And oftentimes,

Unknown: 00:02:30

you'll find that, I don't know, 25%, maybe 50% will send a note

Unknown: 00:02:36

or two, and then ghosts, they'll just disappear. But then the

Unknown: 00:02:42

ones that hang on, you can get a pretty decent conversation. And

Unknown: 00:02:45

I kinda get tired of that pretty quickly. So oftentimes, I'll

Unknown: 00:02:47

just give them my number. And they'll oftentimes reciprocate

Unknown: 00:02:51

and we'll, you know, text or whatnot. But it's just that

Unknown: 00:02:53

initial saying, hello, hi there, you know, trying to get them to

Unknown: 00:02:58

notice you and have a conversation just enter into,

Unknown: 00:03:04

you know, a common discourse. Mm hmm. Yeah, I totally see how

Unknown: 00:03:10

that can happen. What can we do about it, though? I think, like

Unknown: 00:03:15

I said, in one of my videos, that the most important thing is

Unknown: 00:03:19

that you have a beautiful, transparent profile where people

Unknown: 00:03:24

really know what they get and who you are. And then there's

Unknown: 00:03:30

also less questions asked and more into more interesting

Unknown: 00:03:34

topics. Like diving more into interesting topics right away.

Unknown: 00:03:41

But I understand the frustration I think you said specifically,

Unknown: 00:03:46

you said have a kick ass profile. Yeah. Yeah, because

Unknown: 00:03:52

that makes sense. Good advice. Because there's so many guys out

Unknown: 00:03:56

there who just put one picture and and the usual you know, I

Unknown: 00:04:01

have a house, I have a car, I have a job. And then you don't

Unknown: 00:04:06

really like the trustworthiness and you don't know. Yeah, it's

Unknown: 00:04:11

not me. You want to know a little bit about that person

Unknown: 00:04:15

first and then engage in a conversation. But I really don't

Unknown: 00:04:23

know what could be done differently about it. Maybe if

Unknown: 00:04:28

they would insert like video chats on an on a date platform,

Unknown: 00:04:35

you know, where people can talk to each other right away and see

Unknown: 00:04:39

each other right away. Then there would also be less

Unknown: 00:04:43

confusion about the physical appearance. I think a lot of

Unknown: 00:04:47

times that was my one and only experience was with a guy.

Unknown: 00:04:55

He looked so handsome on the pictures or not. Do you know

Unknown: 00:04:59

that fake hands fitness. It was a very natural, beautiful

Unknown: 00:05:03

handsomeness without any gym pictures also very classy. And

Unknown: 00:05:11

the conversations when over a couple of weeks of the phone and

Unknown: 00:05:17

over text, and then we ended up meeting. And I was just shocked.

Unknown: 00:05:25

Like, the pictures were nothing like the person might talk. And

Unknown: 00:05:32

I was stuck now with that with that guy for a weekend. Can you

Unknown: 00:05:36

imagine for a weekend? So when Aurora does something a weekend,

Unknown: 00:05:41

what were you guys doing? He doesn't, right? So I was like,

Unknown: 00:05:46

from the off the bus. I was like, This is not good. This is

Unknown: 00:05:52

gonna be awful. I just I just couldn't be myself. I couldn't

Unknown: 00:06:01

believe why how naive I was going to be. Why was I going to

Unknown: 00:06:05

trust that a guy was gonna put his honest, like pictures

Unknown: 00:06:10

online. And I was so burned afterwards that I decided to

Unknown: 00:06:16

delete everything. And that was my career in online dating. And

Unknown: 00:06:20

it went well because you know, we winded as friends we had the

Unknown: 00:06:25

talk. Yeah, I'm not attracted to you. But yeah, we're gonna spend

Unknown: 00:06:29

the weekend together anyways. But Yad, so I could have really

Unknown: 00:06:37

missed out on like, how do you say avoided in my life? And it

Unknown: 00:06:43

was because it was dishonest. And it is so easy to to have a

Unknown: 00:06:48

fake profile or to portray yourself in a very good light.

Unknown: 00:06:54

But then in reality, it's it's so different. And I feel online.

Unknown: 00:07:00

Dating is like games, like just playing games. And to get

Unknown: 00:07:08

something serious out of it, like How was it for you? Did you

Unknown: 00:07:11

ever get a couple of dates out of it? And then maybe a

Unknown: 00:07:14

relationship?

Unknown: 00:07:16

More way, way way, we can't go past the story without getting

Unknown: 00:07:20

some more information. Now. Now my question to you is, how did

Unknown: 00:07:23

you design this whole weekend? With this guy that you hadn't

Unknown: 00:07:29

really talked to? What were you planning on? doing? Like with

Unknown: 00:07:33

your first meeting? You're going to spend two three days with

Unknown: 00:07:36

them?

Unknown: 00:07:37

Well, the thing is that we we live far apart and we talked on

Unknown: 00:07:42

the phone for a couple weeks and texted pretty much every day and

Unknown: 00:07:49

then we were like okay, if we want to see each other We can't

Unknown: 00:07:52

just can't just be for a coffee because the driver so far. Let's

Unknown: 00:07:58

Yeah, try a couple of nights and no sex nothing. Just get to know

Unknown: 00:08:03

each other in real life. And yeah, when sideways because of I

Unknown: 00:08:10

felt like Yeah. being led on how do you say cheated on or

Unknown: 00:08:16

betrayed or?

Unknown: 00:08:21

Any one of those words? Maybe? Okay, so at least you talk to

Unknown: 00:08:24

him on the phone, which was a good thing. So you knew he

Unknown: 00:08:26

wasn't a total creep? No, no, no, no, of course not. No. And

Unknown: 00:08:32

so he gave off a good vibe with this whole conversation and you

Unknown: 00:08:34

felt like you connected over the phone? Oh, yeah. We talked for

Unknown: 00:08:38

hours. Like it was really an hour. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it was.

Unknown: 00:08:45

It was really okay. So so not totally not totally weird. No,

Unknown: 00:08:50

but yeah, to spend a whole weekend with a guy that you just

Unknown: 00:08:54

didn't have that chemistry, the unknown, the unknown chemistry

Unknown: 00:08:58

that you never know, until you meet somebody face to face.

Unknown: 00:09:01

Exactly. And I thought I, I feel the chemistry through the phone.

Unknown: 00:09:07

But no, we should have had a video conference like a zoom

Unknown: 00:09:11

meeting. And that would have changed everything. I don't know

Unknown: 00:09:16

how I would have communicated it. But I would have went

Unknown: 00:09:21

through less pain and disappointment from his side

Unknown: 00:09:26

because it was really it was shitty for him.

Unknown: 00:09:32

So please tell me you are at least in a Chateau on the Alps,

Unknown: 00:09:36

or you know, somewhere and I don't know. Somewhere to scenic.

Unknown: 00:09:41

Berlin, Frankfurt, Amsterdam. Yeah,

Unknown: 00:09:45

it was that kind of thing. Like, where'd you go? What was the

Unknown: 00:09:52

town? No, no, no, it

Unknown: 00:09:53

was here in Canada. It was not similar fancy in Europe.

Unknown: 00:09:57

Oh, yeah. Are we working on thinking French Riviera? You

Unknown: 00:10:02

know, something like that? It's just that would have been even

Unknown: 00:10:07

as good as Keanu. And yeah, that would have been less awkward

Unknown: 00:10:11

because would have been people around us and you can just kind

Unknown: 00:10:14

of Yeah. vanish into. But no, it was just the two of us in the

Unknown: 00:10:21

mountains. And yeah, it was very awkward. I'm just, that's the

Unknown: 00:10:26

kind of person I am. I give. I give 100% and then 100% into the

Unknown: 00:10:36

wrong direction. Well, I guess the best thing is, you got a

Unknown: 00:10:42

good story out of it, or a story or regrets or something? Yes. Oh

Unknown: 00:10:50

my gosh. Okay, so on that note, it's funny because you talk

Unknown: 00:10:57

about dating. And you get the carryover from the 50s in the

Unknown: 00:11:01

60s, and they talk about going to meet the girl and taking her

Unknown: 00:11:04

out on a nice date, you know, dinner, and I hate to say dinner

Unknown: 00:11:07

in a movie, but some kind of adventure where you'll both

Unknown: 00:11:11

enjoy the event as well as each other. But like you're saying,

Unknown: 00:11:16

sometimes you don't always get what you pay for, or when they

Unknown: 00:11:20

show up. It's something completely different. And so I

Unknown: 00:11:23

think dating has to have certain what's the word for it, gateways

Unknown: 00:11:29

or benchmarks are milestones along the way. And with the

Unknown: 00:11:35

online stuff, it seems like you have to pass certain checkpoints

Unknown: 00:11:39

is the word I'm looking for. And so the first checkpoint is, will

Unknown: 00:11:43

this person talk to me and you know, text over the internet

Unknown: 00:11:47

dating site. And if you can get a decent conversation, and they

Unknown: 00:11:51

aren't, they aren't totally weird or creepy. The next step

Unknown: 00:11:55

is talking to them on the phone, which you did. And if you can

Unknown: 00:11:59

get a good conversation going, you feel like you mesh well

Unknown: 00:12:02

after that, then it's kind of a meet in person, but it's, I'm

Unknown: 00:12:07

not gonna say what you did was wrong. It was gung ho, which was

Unknown: 00:12:10

awesome. Another way to go about it, though, is to simplify it

Unknown: 00:12:15

not even debt, because a lot of women will just do these dating

Unknown: 00:12:18

apps for free food, I hate to say it free food and and date if

Unknown: 00:12:22

they're in a different town. But simplify it and say, let's get a

Unknown: 00:12:26

coffee, a coffee has $5. And we can be there for 30 minutes or

Unknown: 00:12:31

an hour, you can at least put up with anybody for 30 minutes or

Unknown: 00:12:34

an hour for a $5 coffee. You know, and I hate to say it, but

Unknown: 00:12:39

there's not a lot. There's not a lot of you haven't invested a

Unknown: 00:12:43

lot in the date yet until you you know, get to know them get

Unknown: 00:12:47

to meet them see how they are. And see that unknown that we

Unknown: 00:12:51

were talking about earlier, the chemistry because everything can

Unknown: 00:12:55

look great on paper, and you can sound good mesh, well talk well,

Unknown: 00:12:59

but then face to face that that unknown of, yes, we mesh really

Unknown: 00:13:03

well, this is awesome. We have chemistry or no, we just don't

Unknown: 00:13:06

have it. Well, the question is, why don't you feel Why don't you

Unknown: 00:13:10

want to do this person? And sometimes it's just like, I

Unknown: 00:13:13

don't know. It just isn't there, whatever it is. And you can put

Unknown: 00:13:19

on paper or write down or is just kind of, I don't know, I

Unknown: 00:13:23

hate to say magical. But it's just something that's either

Unknown: 00:13:27

there or

Unknown: 00:13:28

no, absolutely. And that's the mistake I've made. It is that

Unknown: 00:13:33

chemistry that overrules everything like we discussed a

Unknown: 00:13:37

couple weeks ago. You can have your checklist ready. But if the

Unknown: 00:13:42

sent the physical send is not agreeable with your hormones.

Unknown: 00:13:49

And if the chemistry is not there, then it doesn't matter if

Unknown: 00:13:52

your checklist is green. Yes, you're a big sent person talk

Unknown: 00:13:57

about that. I'm a big send person because I had that

Unknown: 00:14:00

experience once where it was a friend and I knew he was kind of

Unknown: 00:14:06

starting to have feelings for me. And every time we like,

Unknown: 00:14:10

left, and I went about my day, I thought, huh, yeah, actually,

Unknown: 00:14:16

why not? Like, I don't want to screw up that friendship, but

Unknown: 00:14:20

maybe there's something more. And then we started hugging each

Unknown: 00:14:25

other to say goodbye, and maybe a kiss on the cheek. And the

Unknown: 00:14:29

first time we did that, I was like, Oh no, like this is not

Unknown: 00:14:35

and it was not that he was sweating. It was not that he was

Unknown: 00:14:38

stinking, it was just his natural scent. That was

Unknown: 00:14:44

absolutely not compatible with my with my hormones, let's call

Unknown: 00:14:51

them and then I managed to maneuver myself out and to not

Unknown: 00:14:56

get yet to keep it a friendship and it's it's awesome. Some now,

Unknown: 00:15:01

but I remember that moment, and then I researched a little bit,

Unknown: 00:15:05

and it's indeed a thing. We can forget that we're all animals

Unknown: 00:15:10

and that the natural scent is gonna if we if we believe in it

Unknown: 00:15:16

or not, but it's going to have a say, when it comes to our choice

Unknown: 00:15:20

of partner.

Unknown: 00:15:23

Well, there's one point. Yes, you're right. And maybe it was

Unknown: 00:15:29

just his brand of soap that he used. Do you ask them about

Unknown: 00:15:32

that? No, no, I did not. Oh, yeah. That's funny. And my nose

Unknown: 00:15:43

isn't so great. And sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. But

Unknown: 00:15:47

I it's hard for me to identify with that, because I've never

Unknown: 00:15:49

really noticed, since so much as a turn off or a turn on. I mean,

Unknown: 00:15:56

maybe occasionally. Yeah, but I guess I don't lead with my nose.

Unknown: 00:16:03

Yeah, well, all women smell wonderful. Anyways, so it's,

Unknown: 00:16:09

it's probably harder for you. There was that one? I was just

Unknown: 00:16:15

like, no, no. You like, did you ever get something really nice

Unknown: 00:16:23

and serious out of online dating?

Unknown: 00:16:29

Oh, yes, yes, I have actually the last person I dated, I met

Unknown: 00:16:32

online. And I've had several cases where I've met people, and

Unknown: 00:16:38

it didn't work out. But we remain friends. And so it's

Unknown: 00:16:42

funny, I kind of have distant friends. Many states away in

Unknown: 00:16:46

cases. And it's not like we talk on a daily basis, I just kind of

Unknown: 00:16:50

see their stuff on Facebook. And it's kind of interesting that

Unknown: 00:16:53

you can maintain that. Yeah. But it also needs to be a healthy

Unknown: 00:16:57

relationship if you're going to enter into a serious

Unknown: 00:16:59

relationship with somebody of the opposite sex, because those

Unknown: 00:17:04

kind of those kind of opposite gender relationships can get an

Unknown: 00:17:09

A of your current relationship. Hmm.

Unknown: 00:17:15

Yeah, they can or Yeah, you have to be very clear and, and good

Unknown: 00:17:21

with boundaries. But I think it is possible. It also depends on

Unknown: 00:17:31

the on the people. If there's still unresolved stuff on one

Unknown: 00:17:36

side, then of course, it's not easy to manage. But that's

Unknown: 00:17:42

wonderful. So you had really good experiences with online

Unknown: 00:17:46

dating.

Unknown: 00:17:48

I have, it's been very rare, that it's been weird or odd. But

Unknown: 00:17:53

I will tell you this one story. So I was talking to this one

Unknown: 00:17:59

girl. And everything went well, we texted back and forth. And

Unknown: 00:18:04

then we started chatting on the phone. And she just kept going

Unknown: 00:18:10

and going and going. And every now and then I was able to

Unknown: 00:18:15

interject, and then she would go off again, like this non stop.

Unknown: 00:18:22

And finally, I was sitting there after not speaking for about 15

Unknown: 00:18:26

minutes, and she's going on this this strange rant about

Unknown: 00:18:30

something that's really ticked her off, or I don't even know

Unknown: 00:18:32

what. And so I took the phone down from my head, and I'm

Unknown: 00:18:36

looking at it and I take my finger, and I just press that

Unknown: 00:18:40

red HANG UP button, click. And all of a sudden, I felt so much

Unknown: 00:18:45

better. I didn't feel remorse. I was like, Oh, this is great. And

Unknown: 00:18:51

then 20 seconds later, my phone rings. And I was like oh, okay,

Unknown: 00:18:58

to answer it. Then of course, she starts going off again, that

Unknown: 00:19:01

you hang up on me blah, blah, blah this other stuff and I

Unknown: 00:19:03

finally just went click and block. And that was the last I

Unknown: 00:19:10

heard. Yeah. Yeah, I feel odd odd situations like that.

Unknown: 00:19:16

Yeah, I can totally relate. I know that you want to hear stuff

Unknown: 00:19:22

that we're not agree on. But it might be for Next Episode. I

Unknown: 00:19:28

don't know what it is. But it is maybe insecurity or trying to

Unknown: 00:19:34

mask something trying to maybe she was scared of being

Unknown: 00:19:38

dominated in a conversation by a man. Maybe her last

Unknown: 00:19:43

relationship. Yeah, she was never allowed to talk and you

Unknown: 00:19:48

know now with you You gave her like you're such a kind and open

Unknown: 00:19:53

hearted person that she saw the opportunity to totally Yeah,

Unknown: 00:19:59

open up I don't know if she was really opening up or if she was

Unknown: 00:20:03

just talking. But you have to be aware of the person who is

Unknown: 00:20:08

sitting in front of you. And you can just write, you can just

Unknown: 00:20:13

think about yourself and what you want to do to impress the

Unknown: 00:20:16

other. You have to see how the other person reacts, if it's

Unknown: 00:20:21

being received, and have that kind of sensitivity. Do you

Unknown: 00:20:28

think do you think I'm on a red track there?

Unknown: 00:20:33

Yes, exactly. Because when it's when we're dating, you know,

Unknown: 00:20:37

we're having a dialogue, it's not a monologue. And there have

Unknown: 00:20:41

been a few people that, that just get on this constant thing

Unknown: 00:20:45

where they just talk, and don't allow the other person to talk.

Unknown: 00:20:49

But conversation and relationship is all like

Unknown: 00:20:52

dancing. You know, you'll have a leader, and then a follower. And

Unknown: 00:20:56

there's a given a take a push and a pull, you Converse through

Unknown: 00:20:59

your hands, and your your body and dancing. Just like in a

Unknown: 00:21:03

conversation, there's a push and pull a given a take. Yeah, it's

Unknown: 00:21:07

not so much like, I think they say, oftentimes, it's like a

Unknown: 00:21:11

tennis match. Yeah, but sometimes it's not, you know,

Unknown: 00:21:15

because the conversation is always going for it, sometimes

Unknown: 00:21:18

it goes left or right or over the net over the fence and you,

Unknown: 00:21:20

you end up in a completely different spot than where you

Unknown: 00:21:24

thought the conversation was gonna go to first place. Same

Unknown: 00:21:27

thing that we're doing here, we've got no idea where we're

Unknown: 00:21:29

gonna go with this. And so we just do it on the fly. But I

Unknown: 00:21:35

think it's so great. Because as you talk and converse, it, it

Unknown: 00:21:39

ignites different areas in your brain and different ideas. And

Unknown: 00:21:43

you really create conversation, instead of just having a back

Unknown: 00:21:46

and forth. And that's what's so great about conversing, and

Unknown: 00:21:50

allowing the other person to talk, and relationships, because

Unknown: 00:21:54

you never quite know what's going to happen. You just go

Unknown: 00:21:58

with it and create life with that other person. Yeah.

Unknown: 00:22:03

And then maybe the other extreme, except if I'm really

Unknown: 00:22:07

excited about it, I got to correct myself. But I'm more of

Unknown: 00:22:10

a observer first. Because I want to know, who is that person?

Unknown: 00:22:15

What is that person about? And if you don't listen, you miss

Unknown: 00:22:19

out on so many details. If you just talk, you don't learn

Unknown: 00:22:25

anything new. You just I don't know, it's very ego driven. I

Unknown: 00:22:31

feel when a person is talking too much. Because they want to

Unknown: 00:22:36

kind of have an effect on you. But that's not how you win

Unknown: 00:22:40

people over you win people over and making them feel a certain

Unknown: 00:22:45

way and listening and not talking that Yeah, I agree.

Unknown: 00:22:51

Totally. Yeah. Is there something we can? That's all I

Unknown: 00:22:55

gotta say about that? Is there one one thing that I've been

Unknown: 00:23:00

going? Yes, yes. Sorry. No, you continue. Okay, so I have picked

Unknown: 00:23:09

up on this channel. And I am going to advertise it right here

Unknown: 00:23:12

is called charisma on command. And this guy will go through

Unknown: 00:23:17

different topics in social situations, like exactly like,

Unknown: 00:23:21

what you're saying is, as you enter in a conversation, you can

Unknown: 00:23:25

do things or say things or even have body movements, that can

Unknown: 00:23:30

elicit positive feelings or negative feelings in other

Unknown: 00:23:33

people. And in order to do that properly is kind of an art. And

Unknown: 00:23:39

if you haven't learned it as a kid, you certainly shouldn't as

Unknown: 00:23:41

an adult, but speaking in a way and, and interacting in groups

Unknown: 00:23:47

in such a way that you welcome others, and give them a good

Unknown: 00:23:52

sense of self worth a good sense of self assurance, and just that

Unknown: 00:23:58

they are important than being included. Hmm. And so I think

Unknown: 00:24:03

how we interact is is huge. And that oftentimes is how, you know

Unknown: 00:24:09

you can you can make or break relationships in common

Unknown: 00:24:12

conversation. So done, right. It's pretty beneficial for all

Unknown: 00:24:18

parties involved. Mm hmm. Oh, I just got a message here that we

Unknown: 00:24:24

have 10 minutes left. What I want to say to that is, Did I

Unknown: 00:24:32

get it right that you learn body language from that platform? You

Unknown: 00:24:38

were on there? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. And, like the first thing

Unknown: 00:24:47

that pops to my mind is like, wow, that's totally odd because

Unknown: 00:24:52

I feel the body. In general, the body is always the last instance

Unknown: 00:24:57

the body is at the mercy of the brain. The emotional well being

Unknown: 00:25:02

and mental well being, and to learn how to move, and maybe

Unknown: 00:25:09

it's just me because I know I suck at choreography, dancing

Unknown: 00:25:13

and stuff like that. I can only if you tell me express joy with

Unknown: 00:25:19

your body, then I know exactly what to do. But when you tell

Unknown: 00:25:23

me, put your red right, left, your left arm there, your right

Unknown: 00:25:27

like there, then I don't know what to do. So maybe it's just

Unknown: 00:25:32

one. But I find that very interesting, that approach

Unknown: 00:25:38

because if I was to focus in more on my body language, and to

Unknown: 00:25:44

be more aware, I would also focus in how do I want to make

Unknown: 00:25:49

people feel? Do I want to make them feel secure, and welcome

Unknown: 00:25:53

and integrated? Then I know, I know, if I have that in the

Unknown: 00:25:59

background of login back of my mind, I wouldn't know how to

Unknown: 00:26:04

express it physically. But if you were to tell me now, to make

Unknown: 00:26:09

a person feel good, you have to touch the right arm, not the

Unknown: 00:26:12

left, many. But not too much, I would get so awkward, and I

Unknown: 00:26:21

would not be able to speak properly. And I would not be

Unknown: 00:26:25

able to like I think I would totally freak that person out.

Unknown: 00:26:29

But that's

Unknown: 00:26:32

just me.

Unknown: 00:26:35

Well, here's the thing. I mean, you do it already, but you just

Unknown: 00:26:39

don't notice you're doing it. And it's simple stuff. And it's

Unknown: 00:26:42

stuff that you can build on and learn. For example, you got

Unknown: 00:26:45

three people talking in a tight circle, right? A fourth person

Unknown: 00:26:47

comes up, what do you do? Open up, you might back up, take a

Unknown: 00:26:52

half step back. Yeah, exactly. turn towards them, you might

Unknown: 00:26:55

introduce them to your friends. But you might wait until the

Unknown: 00:26:58

person who's speaking has finished speaking. And then you

Unknown: 00:27:01

introduce them and bring them in. You know, it's simple things

Unknown: 00:27:04

like that. Things like if you are in a group, and you have

Unknown: 00:27:07

your hands in your pockets, and you're trying to make yourself

Unknown: 00:27:09

as small as possible, and not be noticed, as opposed to having

Unknown: 00:27:13

big arm gestures or talking with your hands or, you know,

Unknown: 00:27:16

something simple as making eye contact, just like what you do

Unknown: 00:27:19

with your videos. As you're talking to people in groups, you

Unknown: 00:27:23

do the three second stare? Well, as you're talking, you stare at

Unknown: 00:27:25

one person for three seconds or so, and then go to the next. So

Unknown: 00:27:29

they feel like they're you're talking directly to them, and

Unknown: 00:27:32

including them all in conversation.

Unknown: 00:27:34

Ah, see. So I could totally learn from that. And I get it, I

Unknown: 00:27:42

get it now.

Unknown: 00:27:43

And I'm guessing you do a lot of that stuff already. Right?

Unknown: 00:27:46

But totally unconsciously. And at the same time I do maybe

Unknown: 00:27:50

stuff that pisses people off to

Unknown: 00:27:56

see, I was the same way. I was like, Are there things I'm doing

Unknown: 00:27:59

that are just not right. And so I've started to go through this

Unknown: 00:28:04

and see what might be causing people to just be standoffish.

Unknown: 00:28:08

And one thing I knew specifically that I was doing is

Unknown: 00:28:12

what I would tell subtle humor. Subtle humor works really well

Unknown: 00:28:16

in movies like The Naked Gun, or airplane. But in conversation,

Unknown: 00:28:21

the problem is that people weren't catching on to it. And

Unknown: 00:28:24

they didn't know if I were if I was making fun of them or being

Unknown: 00:28:27

sarcastic or being joking. Yeah. And so what I've learned is that

Unknown: 00:28:31

I need to back off from that and give what's called a towel.

Unknown: 00:28:36

That's something where you make a joke or say something

Unknown: 00:28:38

sarcastic sarcastically and then you say laugh after it or use a

Unknown: 00:28:42

different voice to portray that. That idea. being like, yeah, you

Unknown: 00:28:46

know, I don't always go to the store, but you use a different

Unknown: 00:28:49

voice. I don't always go to the store, you know? Yeah, make it a

Unknown: 00:28:52

lot more drastic and out of character. They know. Oh, that's

Unknown: 00:28:56

not to be taken seriously. he's joking here.

Unknown: 00:29:01

That's something that's also very interesting when you don't

Unknown: 00:29:03

know when you just don't know and you know, a person has

Unknown: 00:29:08

width. But you It makes it fun. So, but I know what you mean,

Unknown: 00:29:15

like some people are. It's not sarcasm, but they are cynical.

Unknown: 00:29:23

And then it's, yeah, you heard people and yeah, it's a

Unknown: 00:29:28

different way. But is it playful sarcasm then? I think it's a

Unknown: 00:29:33

good thing to to have. But very, very interesting. How was that?

Unknown: 00:29:39

can be so charisma, something. charisma on command, charisma on

Unknown: 00:29:48

command. So if and the reason I started listening to this is

Unknown: 00:29:52

like I have never when I grew up, I didn't really have good

Unknown: 00:29:56

social skills. And I think oftentimes I was off putting,

Unknown: 00:30:01

and I'm sitting here going, I need to learn this, these cues

Unknown: 00:30:05

that most people, it comes naturally to. Okay. And so it's

Unknown: 00:30:09

really been a struggle, but also a learning experience to go

Unknown: 00:30:12

through conversations and in the middle of it, be racking my

Unknown: 00:30:15

brain for those that knowledge of stuff, where it's like, okay,

Unknown: 00:30:19

maybe I should do this or say this turn this way. And

Unknown: 00:30:22

sometimes it gets exhausting. Yeah, but honestly, I mean, it's

Unknown: 00:30:25

something that I need to learn, because I don't do it naturally.

Unknown: 00:30:29

But it comes easier as I'm starting to learn. But yeah,

Unknown: 00:30:32

it's called charisma on command. There's some great videos. And

Unknown: 00:30:36

so I highly recommend it for anybody who wants to be good in

Unknown: 00:30:39

conversation.

Unknown: 00:30:40

That is so sweet. That is very, very cool. I will put that in

Unknown: 00:30:45

the show notes, too, for anybody who's interested. And, yeah,

Unknown: 00:30:50

we're coming to an end here. Shoot, that was 40 minutes

Unknown: 00:30:54

already? And is there anything you would do? So we had body

Unknown: 00:31:00

language and awareness, we had listening skills? Is there

Unknown: 00:31:06

anything else that you would say is an absolute must when you

Unknown: 00:31:10

when you meet somebody first?

Unknown: 00:31:16

Well, when you first meet them understand that they are just

Unknown: 00:31:19

another person like you, and they deserve grace. And people

Unknown: 00:31:24

our age, you know, we're in our 30s and 40s. We've messed up,

Unknown: 00:31:28

we've relationships, and we're single and just trying to get

Unknown: 00:31:32

by. So I think oftentimes, people pull off too quickly. You

Unknown: 00:31:38

know, they think that swiping left is just another way to get

Unknown: 00:31:40

to the next, the other fish in the sea, right? There's always

Unknown: 00:31:43

more efficiency, there's always more people well, sometimes

Unknown: 00:31:47

there's not always more people. And so I think people need to

Unknown: 00:31:53

just go a little bit easier, and give somebody a chance. If

Unknown: 00:31:57

they're not, nobody's going to be 100%. But if you can get 80%

Unknown: 00:32:02

of what you're looking for, it can be a very good relationship.

Unknown: 00:32:07

don't discount people if there's one or two things missing, or if

Unknown: 00:32:10

they're too tall or too short, or whatever. And then just give

Unknown: 00:32:14

them grace. You know, we're gonna mess up, I mess up all the

Unknown: 00:32:17

time. Just give people a second or third chance to say, you

Unknown: 00:32:22

know, let's try it again. Because I'm really bad at this

Unknown: 00:32:25

thing called dating and sometimes at this thing called

Unknown: 00:32:27

life and just go with it.

Unknown: 00:32:30

Ah, that's such a beautiful closing, David, that's come. I

Unknown: 00:32:35

know. It comes from the heart. And I know it will be well

Unknown: 00:32:39

received out there. Thank you so so much for making the time. And

Unknown: 00:32:44

yeah, for being here on the show with us today.

Unknown: 00:32:49

Absolutely. Thanks for having me. This is this is a great show

Unknown: 00:32:52

and you're doing a lot of good stuff for people out there.