Lily Kerbey is a singer and performer who built a career in a very different way to the one she first imagined.

Only a few years ago, Lily was working as a high school music teacher and was completely burnt out. She was mentally and physically unwell, stressed, and knew something had to change. Since then, she has left teaching, built her own path in music, and become known for bringing rock and alternative songs into weddings and live shows in a way that feels completely her own.

In this conversation, we talk about what burnout actually felt like, why leaving teaching no longer felt optional, and how Lily slowly built a life that fit her better. We also talk about imposter syndrome, social media pressure, fulfillment, loneliness, risk, and what happens when the thing that makes you different becomes the thing people connect with most.

This is a conversation about identity, stress, reinvention, and the courage it takes to walk away from a life that looks stable on the outside but feels wrong underneath.

Lily's Links:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lilykerbeymusic/

Website: https://www.lilykerbeymusic.co.uk/

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/1YCBUpATdNZrOkwe5xzDJK

Hello, and welcome to the Lonely Chapter, a podcast for people who are doing okay on the surface but quietly unsure how to live well.

Today's episode is with Lily Kirby, a singer and performer who has built a career in a very different way to the one that she first imagined only a few years ago.

Lily was working as a high school music teacher and was completely burnt out.

She was mentally and physically unwell, stressed, and she knew that something needed to change.

Since then, she's left teaching, built her own path in music, and become known for bringing rock and alternative songs into weddings and live shows in a way that feels completely her own.

In this conversation, we talk about burnout, identity, taking risks, building a career from what makes you different, and learning to actually take in what you've achieved.

If you're new here, please do follow wherever you're listening.

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Let's get into the conversation.

Lily, you've recently finished a nationwide UK tour.

I came to the London night, and I absolutely loved it, so it was great.

What was that whole experience like for you?

Pretty wild.

I mean, it was the second one that I'd done, and I did a much smaller one last time.

So we did maybe.

I think it was about seven dates, and they were all around 100 cap venues.

Um, and it was amazing.

The weirdest thing about the first tour was just the fact that not only were my previous couples from weddings coming to see me or future couples, but just random people that had found me on the Internet that were like, we like your singing.

I was like, okay.

So that was really crazy.

Like, being asked for a photo and stuff was really wild to me.

Cause I just.

I just sing at weddings in my head.

But after the success of that, like, it sold out.

That tour completely sold all of my merch on the tour.

I was like, oh, I'd like to do it again.

There was loads of people that couldn't come, and I thought, oh, I'll do it again, but I'll just do it slightly bigger.

Just ever so slightly bigger.

And, yeah, most of the venues were around 2,250cap.

I think London was 220.

That was such a cool venue.

It was a great venue, Hoxton hall in London.

And I really wanted intimate settings like that.

So seated if I could and, like, quiet and chill.

And, you know, it's all the elder emos coming that have bad backs and sad, sad, sad knees, and they don't want to stand up for a long time, especially not for an acoustic gig.

I feel like it's like comedy.

Like, you don't want to stand to watch comedy.

So it was that kind of thing where you're really paying attention.

And, yeah, it was epic.

It was weird being in the much bigger venues.

I felt quite a sense of, like, imposter syndrome throughout the entire tour.

Not so much on the first tour.

Like, the first tour felt very comfortable for me and then this second tour was just like, so much bigger.

Like, Stockport was 260 people and it was mainly standing and it was electric.

But, whoa, it's very vulnerable being in front of that many people that are there for you.

Just kind of like.

But, yeah, overall it was absolutely wicked.

And I'm really proud of it because I did it all by myself.

Like, I booked every venue by myself.

I sold all the tickets like it.

I made all the merch rep the merch.

I'm actually wearing my merch today because I wanted to make merch that, like, I wanted to wear, which sounds really lame, like I'm wearing a merch.

But I was like, that's good, good merch.

And to be fair, doing all of that stuff yourself, to some people listening may just think, oh, well, yeah, like, surely you would.

But it's so much work that goes on behind the scenes.

Right?

Yeah.

Like, I spoke to somebody after the tour that was like, hold on a second.

You did what by yourself?

That's like six people's jobs.

I was like.

And it was hard.

It was harder the second time because the bigger venues, they're very clicky.

They're very like, oh, I'll only answer an email if it's from a promoter that I know.

And so a lot of gigs nowadays are put on by promoters and if you're not a promoter dealing with an artist, then you can't even get your foot in the door.

Like, so many venues just never applied to me.

Even though I had evidence that I'd sold out a whole tour before and I had a big following on my social media, they just didn't even entertain it.

So I was very grateful for all the venues that gave me a shot this time.

But it was much harder.

Like in Southampton, I saw the list of all the gigs that were happening that month and mine was the only self promoted gig the entire month.

I was like, whoa, that's amazing though.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was.

I was very proud to be proud of.

Very proud.

On the topic of imposter syndrome, you mentioned that.

Yeah.

Did that dissipate as you went through this tour?

As you did you get used to being in front of that many people, not really.

I really struggled.

I think it was the.

The bigger venues, in my eyes, just had this, like, I don't know, level of esteem.

They'd had, like, artists that I recognized play there before, and I just thought, why.

Why are people coming out to see just a girl that sings pop punk songs at weddings?

Like, why is this?

I don't know.

I just really got in my head about it.

Really, really got in my head about it.

And just thinking that it wasn't a professional show, like, I'd kind of, like, put it together myself.

I hadn't had any help, so it was really difficult.

And you don't get much feedback as such from some crowds.

Like, some crowds were amazing and they were really interactive, and some crowds weren't.

And I don't think it was necessarily that they weren't having a good time.

I think it was the nature of an acoustic intimate show is that a lot of people don't want to be involved.

They just want to sit and enjoy and, like, take it in.

But from somebody on stage that comes across as, like, they're not enjoying it because they're not shouting out and they're not heckling me, because that's what I get at weddings and stuff.

And I get, like, instant.

This is.

This is good.

What you're doing is good.

But then I would, like, for example, I came off off stage on one of the shows and I just cried because I was like, I just don't think that was a good show.

I didn't get anything back from the audience.

Then I got home and I had, like, 20 messages from people saying, that was absolutely incredible.

Thank you so much.

Had such a great time.

Had an amazing review written about it in a magazine, and I'm like, yeah, so it was a roller coaster.

A big roller coaster.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's amazing how our minds go to the.

We immediately think so negatively.

And all these people on the outside will say all these positive things, but it's almost like they don't matter.

Sometimes the things that we're saying in our mind overpower all of that.

When you look back on it now, do you.

Do you still feel that?

Because the reason I'm sticking on imposter syndrome, it's something that comes up a lot on this show.

And I speak to a lot of people.

I've spoken to people who talk about it, and Stephen Bartlett, I think it was, who mentioned about calling it a growth opportunity and trying to make it into a positive, because we so often talk about it as A negative thing, but it's a positive thing because it's proving to us that we are stepping outside of our comfort zone, which ultimately is where growth happens.

So looking back on it now, are you sort of.

Do you feel a bit better about it?

I don't know if that's a work question.

Yeah, I do.

I think, if I'm honest, what I probably should have done is, instead of doing, like, because I did maybe like, eight dates, bigger venues, I actually think it might have worked better if I'd have done more venues throughout the UK, maybe like, 15, 16 dates, somewhere in between the ones before and the next step up, which is what I did, just because every venue was totally different and I found the smaller venues just seemed to work slightly better because the show was very much like, sing a song, say an anecdote.

Sing a song, say an anecdote.

And that was never really planned.

It's just the kind of person that I am, I just, like, chat random stuff all the time.

But I think if the audience is so big, it then promotes chatting in the audience, which is fine.

Like, obviously people can talk whatever they want, but then the atmosphere changes and the vibe changes and then that makes me feel like it's not the gig that I wanted it to be, or it's not the atmosphere that I wanted it to be.

Like, Stockport was amazing, but, like, I couldn't really chat to the audience because they were so rowdy and so loud and chatting.

And that was great.

They were having a great time, they loved it.

I got so much positive feedback from that, but from my point of view, it wasn't what I wanted from the tour.

And I think it was a mixture of people being stood and the capacity.

So I think probably what it was is that it wasn't as much an imposter syndrome, really, if I thought about was more.

It wasn't the right fit for what I actually envisioned of the project.

And so it was just more of an idea of, like, right, how do I pivot this so that I get back to that feeling of I did on the first tour or from those select dates through the tour that felt right and made me feel really like.

And I suppose comfortable.

Doesn't sound like you're growing, but.

But, like, I don't think everything needs to be about growth as such.

Like, my.

My business is doing really, really well.

Like, the tour was never for profit.

It was always for my own love and my own enjoyment and a bit of a passion project because I funded it all myself and stuff.

Like, it Was financially difficult to put on.

But I love doing it and I want to make sure that I love doing it every single day.

So it's worth it.

Yeah.

Another question I wanted to ask you about the live shows was what do they give you that your.

The wedding venue singing doesn't give you?

So when I'm singing at a wedding, there's pros and cons to the fact that for the majority of the time, people are not listening to me.

So the pro is if I go wrong, no one.

No one notices.

And when I say when I go wrong, I mean, like, I play like the wrong chord or I skip a verse or something like that.

Like, nothing hugely noticeable.

But there's no, like, eyes on me.

The only moments where I get that are the aisle walk and the first dance.

And that's about it.

And it's so lovely to be listened to during those moments because they are so intimate and they are so special to that couple that I really like to do them well.

But the vulnerability that comes with that is scary and amazing.

But like, yeah, there's a lot of pressure.

It is nice sometimes to just be sat at the side of a wedding breakfast and singing whilst people are chatting and no one's really paying much attention.

But then they might like tune in every now and again and I can kind of just like sit and do my job.

Cause it would be hard being on the entire day.

Cause I'm doing like sort of six, seven hour, like sessions all day.

So it'd be really difficult if everyone was listening to me the whole time.

But the power of the tour was a whole room of people sat there for me, listening to me, caring about.

I was like, oh, this feels really nice.

It feels really, really nice.

It's intimidating.

But it was.

It was lovely.

It was really good.

That was kind of what it brought, I suppose.

And also just meeting new people.

Yeah, yeah, I suppose.

Like you said at the start, the.

On your first or the people who just follow you and have found you online, that this is the power of the Internet, I suppose.

And they've turned up and they're meeting you.

It's a nice thing.

So to be able to bring those people to a place where you can all be together and share the music that you love performing and they love listening to.

Yeah, well, that's a good point.

Because there's some songs that either never get picked for weddings, or if they do get picked for weddings, I have to sing them quite big and upbeat and like the original, because it'll be like A big sing along moment.

But what I like doing is stripping back those songs and making them into ballads.

So it was lovely actually on tour.

Cause it was a real difficult choosing the set list.

Cause obviously I do covers.

There's so many songs that I could pick.

And I was like, right, I wanna do a mixture of crowd pleasers that are like, people are coming to an emo pop punk show, what are they expecting to hear?

And then I wanted to do some self indulgent songs that I love to sing.

And maybe you've never heard of it before, but how about have a listen and see how you feel?

Because I've got quite an eclectic taste.

But I really love butt rock.

And it's like Nickelback is one of those bands that people love to hate them.

I love Nickelback, I love Creed, stuff like that.

So it was great to be able to sing those kind of songs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And people sort of hearing us talk about doing live shows.

This is your second one.

They may not realize that only a few years ago you were a high school music teacher, right?

Looking at some of your posts about that and from what you shared about that time, especially at the end, things have got really bad.

What was life feeling like at that point for you?

Ooh, you've got me now.

So different.

Like, so I don't want to say like hopeless because I had like amazing friends and amazing family and I had a nice house and stuff.

Like I was comfortable, but I wasn't fulfilled.

I wasn't happy.

And I was very, very unwell mentally and physically.

I didn't realize how unwell I was until I was signed off work and I went to a doctor and actually was like, I don't feel great.

And there's this and there's this and there's this and there's this.

And they're like, you do know that that's probably stress.

And I was like, oh, I just thought my hair was falling out sort of thing.

Like it was, I don't know, it felt like a moment in my life that had been building and bubbling for a very long time.

But weirdly, I think would have happened earlier had Covid not happened.

Because I started teaching.

And then obviously Covid happened right in the middle.

And it gave me a break.

It gave me a foot off the gas kind of thing to be able to like take a little bit of time.

Cause it was just horrific.

It was so hard.

And and then coming back from COVID was even harder because you were expected to be teaching these hybrid lessons where I'm teaching a class of 25 kids in front of me, and then there's three kids at home that are isolating.

They're on a laptop on my desk.

I'm having to teach 25 kids keyboard over here.

The guys at home don't have a keyboard, so I've got to do something different with them.

I'm like, running around.

It was, oh, horrific.

And then there was no funding for my subject.

They kept threatening to pull my subjects.

I taught music.

The management were horrific.

They just didn't talk to each other.

They.

They lied.

They didn't, like, consult anybody about big changes.

Every day was rough and having a good day was very rare.

And the kids were amazing.

The kids were the best bit.

Whenever I say to people I used to be a teacher, they're like, oh, God, kids are awful.

I'm like, they are pretty awful.

But they were the best bit of that job.

They were so rewarding and so amazing.

But, yeah, I. I felt very not myself.

And I'd socially kind of stopped seeing people.

I'd stopped singing.

I wasn't really singing at hotels or weddings or anything because I used to do that when I was in uni, so I didn't have the time.

So, yeah, it was a very different part of my life.

Yeah.

You used at the start the words fulfill, fulfillment and happiness.

I want to ask what those two words mean to you, because I think a lot of people use them interchangeably.

I think they are different.

I think happiness is something that is probably more fleeting.

It comes and it goes.

Fulfillment is more about what we're doing.

Is it in alignment with our values?

We might not be happy in that time, but we could still feel fulfilled.

What does it mean to you, those two words?

Do you know what?

I think I thought that teaching would make me feel fulfilled because I never planned to go into it.

It was very much a means to an end.

I've got a music degree.

What else do I do with it?

Didn't think I could pay my bills.

Singing can.

But it was one of those, like.

Yeah, I know.

I just thought, I'll just.

I'll give it a go.

And I thought it'll be fulfilling.

Because the reason I got into music in the first place was because of my music teacher at school.

He was absolutely incredible.

And he really, like, took me under his wing.

And I was in, like, the jazz band and the soul band, and we went on music Tours and stuff.

And it was.

It was.

My safe haven, was the music, Music center, music block.

And I thought, God, if I can be that for one kid, like, that will make me feel amazing.

And it did.

Like, there was.

There were kids that I saw myself in, and I was like, I really want to help you foster your love of music.

And I feel like I did make a really big change.

But then because my mental and physical health was draining so much from it, I then was not at full capacity to be able to help those kids.

And ultimately, that's why I had to make the decision to leave, because I was not able to be that person that I wanted to be.

And I couldn't fulfill them.

I couldn't.

I couldn't do what I wanted to do, make myself feel feel good.

It was just sort of like half everything, if quarter everything.

And then I suppose now looking at my life, I now do a job that doesn't feel like work most of the time.

Most of the time.

I honestly, I leave work and I'm like, as if people pay me for that.

What?

And it's.

It sounds crazy, but it's.

It's easy what I do physically at work.

So, like, doing the actual singing bit, to me feels like breathing.

Like, it is so easy for me.

All the other stuff that's come around it, like building the business and doing the social media, all of that, that's harder.

That's the hard work.

That's where I've had to, like, build the skill as such.

But when I'm actually in work, I feel so fulfilled because it is just like breathing is just.

This is what I'm meant to do.

And I love it.

Everyone at weddings having the best time of their life.

Like, it's the best day.

Everyone's in a good mood.

Yeah.

It's such a positive.

Yeah.

And being able to pivot the business as well, to be able to sing the songs that I do at weddings, like, I'm not doing the traditional wedding stuff is even better because I'm.

Oh, my God.

I get to do Bowling for Soup and slipknot.

Cool.

Like, it's just so great.

Yeah.

I suppose that's.

That's how.

And if.

If fulfillment only comes from work and stuff, then I suppose that's.

That's there.

But I'm very lucky to say that in other parts of my life, I feel very fulfilled as well.

I've got a very loving partner and incredible friends and very, very supportive family.

So I feel very, very grateful and very lucky.

Very lucky.

Yeah.

It's it's beautifully put.

And I suppose leaving something behind that you thought in that time was your sort of career path, it was the future for you.

It can be quite difficult.

When you left teaching, was it a sudden relief or did it still feel quite scary because there was that uncertainty and also the loss of what you thought you were going to do?

Weirdly, I never felt a loss once I made the decision.

Making the decision was quite difficult because it had been kind of.

I'd been thinking about it for a while, I'd spoken to a few people, but I genuinely didn't know what my other option was.

And it wasn't until I spoke to my friend Sam, who does what I do, went round to her house and I was like, I did the very un British thing of, how much do you earn?

How much money are we making?

Like, can I do this?

Can I.

Can I quit?

And this was when I had been signed off and she sort of said how much she was earning and I was like, that's how much I earn as a teacher.

What?

So, yeah, I think it was pretty solid.

And the other thing that solidified it for me was that when I was signed off, I was contacted so many times from the school, asking me to provide work and mark work and look at emails and find stuff.

I know.

And then they were like, oh, would you like to be referred to occupational health?

I'm like, yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

Just so that I can have a transition when I come back.

Was never referred.

They said they didn't have my phone number, which is a lie because I got a text three months later when I'd quit to say there was a snow day.

So there was just so many failings and I just thought that school doesn't care about me and I can't do the best that I can do there.

And it just killed my love of teaching.

And then it was very much like, okay, now what?

Now what?

And I just threw myself into singing.

I was doing agency gigs at hotels and restaurants and bars and private stuff where I could get it.

But I just said yes to everything.

Like the dodgy pub down the road where I walk in and it's like a Western and everyone looks at me like it.

I played to, like, a landlord and his dog many times, so I just grafted and I didn't really have a chance to pause and think, what if this goes wrong?

Or do I miss teaching?

Cause I was just like, I feel like I got on a roller coaster and I just never got off.

And it's just the whole time I've just kind of been going like this and then there's been bits in my business where it's pivoted and I've got up.

I'm just doing this the whole time.

But it's been wicked, it's been really good.

But yeah, it very much was a.

Let's see what happens.

I think I said to my dad, I was like, oh, I'll get a part time job if it goes wrong.

Because I think they were very worried, you know, the idea of like mum and dad, I'm quitting my very, very secure teaching job, I have a mortgage and I'm gonna go self employed.

And they were like, but they've been amazing.

They've been really proud of me.

So.

Yeah, and it's interesting that you said about.

You didn't even have time to think about what if I like, what if it doesn't work out and you're just on this roller coaster ride because so many people are scared to do stuff because of that fear of failing that they never.

So I genuinely didn't have a choice because I, I was so unwell.

I didn't realize.

I mean I have like, I have psoriasis now.

That was triggered by that stress event that I will never ever be able to cure.

It's like autoimmune.

My hair fell out, my blood pressure was insane.

I was just crying all the time.

I couldn't physically be in the building because I would just have a breakdown.

And it's interesting when I met my partner, he's also an ex music teacher, he also trained in the same year and went off with stress in the same year as me and has psoriasis from stress from teaching.

And.

And so we sort of trauma bonded over that a little bit when we first met.

But it's just such a sad story that I hear so often.

And I meet a lot of ex teachers in the wedding industry a lot and they've all done the same sort of thing where they've just kind of gone.

There is no choice other than to leave and we're just gonna have to have a go.

And there's so many transferable skills from teaching because you are a performer in front of a class every single day and you're managing.

And I mean I was head of department as well, so I was managing like other people and it skills and bits and bobs.

So there was a Lot of transferable skills, but I just knew I could never do that sort of nine to five thing again.

Yeah.

There's an idea called the region beta paradox, which is this idea that things don't move.

You don't.

Sorry.

People don't take action until things get to a low enough point.

Yeah.

So people sit in a job that they don't really love, but it pays the bills.

And they could probably go and do something else, but they don't because it's comfortable enough.

Yeah.

And it's only when things get so bad that they then make that decision.

And it's like there's that whole window of people in the middle that are just sat in an okay life and like yourself, like, you've gone from something that was really causing a lot of stress and issues within your body to something that you love doing.

And like you said, it doesn't even feel like work.

It's such a great thing.

I think so many more people could learn from that story and take that scary step because it is quite scary as well.

Oh, super scary.

I mean, I even still think about.

So.

So right now I'm comfortable and I'm booked up and I'm doing really well, but I'm like, are people gonna want me to sing My Chemical Romance at their wedding when I'm 50?

Like, that's still something.

That kind of.

It's like in the background, like a. I'm like, no, not right now.

I'm having a good time.

That's a problem.

Yeah, I still.

I still do think about that.

That sort of stuff sometimes.

Yeah, but think like, things will change and you can adapt around that as interests change, I suppose.

Sort of.

On that topic of the sort of songs that you sing.

So you mentioned it.

You mentioned that you sing these sort of emo songs, rock song metal songs that are very different.

When you sing them, you put your own twist on them.

You make them acoustic.

Yeah.

When was the first time you sort of started doing that?

And was that always the plan when you left teaching?

Oh, no, it was not.

You should see my first business card.

It was like, me in a brown coat in front of a tree, holding my guitar, like, I'll sing Adele at your wedding.

Like, it was.

I had like a roller banner and it was just me.

Like.

Yeah, I don't know.

But I mean, I've always been into that kind of music anyway.

Like, obviously I'm tattooed.

Like, it's.

I go to Download festival.

I go to Slam Dunk festival.

It's.

It's how I've grown up.

And the kind of music that I've listened to for a very long time.

And I'm trying to think.

The first time I did an acoustic cover of, like, an alternative song, I think it was probably, like, a system of a down.

There's a YouTube video of me doing Toxicity mashed up with chop suey.

So when I started gigging, I think.

Do you know what it was?

I think it was because I was singing agency gigs at bars and hotels and restaurants where no one was really paying attention.

And I was, like, bored of singing Valerie over and over again and Living on a Prayer and all those sort of things.

I was like, I can't just keep singing the song, same songs every time because it's boring.

So what can I do that's different?

What can I do that I like?

And I just started experimenting and, oh, I wonder if I can work out the chords for, like, 303 or, like, I'm trying to think what I did back in the Beartooth and stuff like that.

Slipknot.

And then when I started.

When I quit my job and I started doing the other stuff, I had to write up my set list for somebody.

I think it was an agent.

She was like, we just want to know all the songs that you sing.

I was like, oh, flip.

Okay.

Started writing stuff up.

It got to, like, 400 songs.

And I remember when I was writing it, I thought, oh, if I was to do weddings, then I could send this to people.

Maybe I should get rid of any of the weird ones.

I'll get rid of the Pokemon theme song, and I'll get rid of, like, the Deep Cut, Panic at the Disco, and Fall Out Boy songs.

And then I thought, if that causes one person to book me because they've seen that I do that song, maybe it's worth it.

Because if you don't know the songs, you just scan through it.

You just.

You don't even acknowledge it.

You just keep going.

It won't mean anything to them.

And then I got booked by, and I love them to pieces.

One of my first couples that booked me for a private wedding was a couple called Georgia and Karl.

And they were so lovely, and they messaged me, and they said, we want a song by Fall Out Boy for our first dance.

And we've seen that you do Fall Out Boy on your set list, and we've not seen that from any other wedding singer.

I was like, oh, okay, this could be a thing.

This could be a thing.

Let's put all of the alternative stuff that I know onto this set list and then more people started picking it and more people started picking it and it might have just been like Blink 182 and Paramore and what I would say are more mainstream alternative artists, but then every now and again I'd still get a deep cut.

And I thought, ooh, there's something here, there's something different.

And I joined a co working group of women because I was self employed for the first time and didn't have any colleagues and didn't really have much motivation to like work at home.

So I joined this co working group.

We're all working together online and they're all talking about branding and their brand.

I don't know, they had like a brand identity.

And I thought, I do not have one of those.

And I thought, that sounds like something I should have.

But what is my brand identity?

What would my ideal client look like?

What would my ideal wedding client look like?

And I kind of had this idea in my head and I was like, it's Georgia and Karl.

It's the alternative tattooed couple that wore Converse to their wedding.

They that dance to Fall Out Boy.

Like, that's who I want to sing for.

So then I got my rebrand done and had just chose very like specifically and kind of consciously to pivot in that direction.

And it was the best thing that I ever did.

It was wicked.

When was the first time that you realized that making that decision was working and people were actually connecting with it on a larger scale?

So I got my rebrand done by amazing woman called Hannah.

And she very much curated it in the way that it would look like, yes, I do weddings.

And I.

And I'm pink and I'm girly and this is my kind of vibe.

But also it's alternative and these alternative fonts and like hands and stuff.

And I put an ad on Instagram which was like a. Hello, my name's Lily.

I sing at alternative weddings.

I sing songs From Slipknot, Blink 182, but also Bonnie Tyler and S Club 7.

Here's a picture of me in the bath and I put it up and I think I paid 30 pounds to put it on an ad for five days.

Just a carousel of pictures.

And I got 240 enquiries in one week.

All people asking for you to be at the wedding, actually.

Wow.

Yeah.

And from that booked about 80 weddings, like over the course of a couple of months and filled up my diary for 24 and 25 off the back of that.

And then A couple of videos.

That was a little bit later on.

And then trying to think, when was the Pokemon video?

Oh, that wasn't until the next year, actually.

Yeah.

It's been a.

It's been a roller coaster.

It's been a roller coaster.

We're still on it.

Just enjoying it.

Yeah, yeah, it's good.

Yeah.

One of the questions I had about the music and the way that you change them, it's not obviously a straight cover.

It's.

It's your own twist on it, and it's very unique.

How do you approach the challenge?

So you listen to a song that maybe you haven't done before, someone's requested it, and it's a heavier song, very different to the acoustic sound.

How do you approach that challenge of creating that into your own sound?

A lot of the time it's as simple as just taking away a lot of things because obviously it can only ever be vocals and guitar.

So anything that's a big.

Like, let's say, for example, bring Me the Horizon, that has loads of electronic.

Loads of a distorted guitar.

If you take that away, it is.

I've had someone comment in one of my videos before being like, oh, Bring Me the Horizon really is just Ed Sheeran.

When you take all the stuff away, like, they are really good songwriters.

And if it's just chords and lyrics, then it's obviously gonna sound different.

It's obviously gonna sound different.

A lot of the time.

I'll just slow stuff down that makes stuff sound different.

A lot of alternative artists are male vocals, so the minute that you change it to a female vocal, it's gonna sound different.

I might have to change the key, so have to make it slightly higher to fit my vocal range.

That's gonna make it sound different.

The biggest challenge is when people ask me to learn songs that have scream vocals in.

I can't do that.

I mean, I could, but it's not gonna sound great as you walk down the aisle.

That's the whole point.

So sometimes I have to make up a melody, which can be tricky because if it's not what people expect.

Like, I had to do that with the Alexis on Fire song that I did last on the tour, because obviously all the scream bits are just, like, one note, so you have to kind of add bits around it.

But, I mean, a lot of it just comes very naturally and comes improvisationally.

I've always been a musician that works by feel and not by theory.

Um, it's just the way that I've always worked.

I've always naturally been very good at improvising along a more of a. I suppose the word would be like, jammer.

I'm more of like a jam artist than I am a thinker.

Like, okay, I'm gonna do it in this key and then we're gonna move to, like.

I don't really think about it very theoretically or I suppose I don't know if the right word is musically.

I suppose I do think about it musically, but just intuitively is the word.

Yeah.

And I think that comes across as well.

I think, like, it's.

It's more of a relaxed approach almost that fits what these people are looking for as well in that wedding scenario especially.

Yeah.

You posted recently about sort of reflection on this roller coaster that you're on, I suppose, and you mentioned that you had to remind yourself to sort of take that step back and take in what you have achieved.

Yeah.

How difficult is it to do that?

And why do you think it is hard?

Social media is such a beast.

And it makes you feel like if you're not constantly posting and relevant and doing things all the time, that you're nothing and that you're no one and no one's seeing what you're doing and no one cares about what you're doing.

And I think since I finished Tor and I wanted to take a bit of a breath from my business, I wasn't posting as much on social media.

And I really felt that weird in the back of my head, like, you need to post, you need to post, you need to post.

But I come fully booked.

I don't need to post.

But it's horrific, this, like, push and push.

And that's what I said about, like, it doesn't always need to be about growth and grind and hustle.

Like, if you've done the work and you've.

And you've made a success of it, enjoy it.

Like, enjoy the success that you've made.

And I've had to remind myself to do that and go, you've done really, really well.

You've achieved things by yourself that are like, mad to ado by yourself.

And to come from where you were to all the way is just.

Yeah, it's absolutely wild to me.

So, yeah, I don't know.

It's crazy.

Yeah.

It goes back to that conversation that you have in your own head versus the re.

The reality, I suppose.

And I made a video.

I made an episode on it recently because, well, I made a re.

I made a reel on instagram about the idea that we need to be kinder to ourselves.

Yes.

We're always the first ones to put ourselves down for doing something not as well as we should have.

You could have done this better when in reality, if it was your friend, you wouldn't speak to them that way.

So I made a reel about that.

And in the very next week, I missed an episode of the podcast.

So I put out weekly and this will be episode 99.

And in that time, I think I've missed two or three weeks.

Two.

Not by choice.

That was one of them.

And what I started saying to myself in my head was like, these horrible things and just about being a failure.

And I was like, you've still done like 90 odd episodes speaking to all these people, learning all these things, sharing knowledge with people, having messages from people who've listened, who have changed their minds on topics and yeah, then had to make an episode reflecting back on that whole experience.

Because I think it's such a, like, across the board thing.

I think so many people suffer from.

It is when you do something and you start to then self castigate yourself and we're just horrible to ourselves.

And it is so easy to do, especially once you add social media into it, because you could have a hundred positive messages or comments and one negative one.

And if you're already negatively talking to yourself, the only one that you see is that negative one.

Yeah, and I always go by the mantra of comparison is the thief of joy.

Like, social media is so amazing in so many ways that I wouldn't be able to do my job without it.

And it's a great tool, but constantly you're seeing other people that are doing the same thing as you, and you may see that they're doing it better, but you don't see the whole picture.

Like, you don't see every single thing that's going on behind closed doors.

I don't share every single thing that's going on with my business online.

When I first started, and I gave this advice to a lot of people when I first started, it was a very fake till you make it.

Like, I was saying that I was a lot busier than I was because it was that, that sales like, you're going, oh, well, I've only got two, two dates left this summer when realistically I've got like 10.

But I mean nowadays, like, doing good, it's all good.

But back then it was very much like I had to do that thing.

But then I would get people messaging me, being like, oh, God, I wish That I had that.

I'm like, I don't.

I'm just.

I'm just putting it out there and seeing what happens.

And then it.

It sort of.

It worked.

And then I got busier and busier and it became a reality.

But I kept having to remind people, and especially at the start, like, I mean, I'm very grateful now I have my amazing partner.

But I was single up until March last year when we met and really struggled with that, especially with at weddings and being, like, approaching my 30s and just thinking, like, gosh, am I ever going to meet somebody?

And feeling very lonely.

And I think one of the main reasons my business got so big was because I had nothing else to come home to.

I was literally coming home and I was on my phone.

And that's really sad, if we think about it.

And I would say to people that would message me being like, oh, my God, you're doing so well.

And I'm.

I'm so jealous.

And I've not got as many bookings.

I'm like, you've got kids and a partner and so many other things that you need to, like, prioritize.

Like, really, like, give yourself credit that you've got to where you are balancing all those plates.

And I'm very grateful that I have got to the level of success that I am now, that I can take my foot off the brake and I can take a bit of a break from it and.

And prioritize spending time with my partner.

But I do not think that I would be where I am now.

Should.

Should my.

Had my life looked different back then.

Yeah, it's difficult when you've got success in sort of work life, but you don't have anyone to share it with, I think.

Oh, yeah.

And I think a lot of people have been sort of taught to go into that almost, like, unconsciously, people are so, like, work hard.

This hustle culture that you mentioned earlier, and people end up with these, like, jobs earning loads of money, but with no one to share it with and no one to go on holidays with.

And, yeah, I went on holiday to Mexico by myself.

It was the first time that I'd gone on, like, a luxury holiday because I'd earned this money.

And I was like, let's go, let's do it.

I'm gonna go five star.

I'm gonna go full board, like.

But then I was.

I had a lovely time, don't get me wrong.

But I was maybe five days in and I was sat in the pool, and I just thought I'd really like to be here with somebody and chat to them and explore and experience this with somebody else.

And I'm kind of like that, I suppose that fulfillment.

That's why I feel very much more fulfilled now.

Now I found my partner and I can now enjoy my life with him and do all those kind of things.

But yeah, it was.

That was a bit hard for a bit, definitely.

Yeah, I bet.

And on the topic of social media, am I right and think you've just got to about 100,000 followers?

Yeah, 100.

100,000 On Instagram.

140 Something on TikTok.

Amazing.

Excellent.

When you look at those numbers, does it, does that change your perspective?

Like, do you look at things differently?

Maybe there's.

You feel like there's more pressure compared to when you started, or are you just not even looking at it for a long time?

Instagram felt like a very different vibe than TikTok because I hit 100k on TikTok a while ago and TikTok to me was very much like people I didn't really know.

They just liked the funny content, the guest reaction clips, and it was just kind of like putting it out there.

Didn't really look at all the comments or anything.

And Instagram was more like, I know the majority of my followers or I know the vibe of my followers.

They're all people that have booked me or want to book me or are in the industry with me.

And then that pivoted last year and I grew really quickly on Instagram as well and the vibe changed a little bit.

I don't know, I feel like I just care less now because the numbers really don't mean it.

Like I looked the other day at my followers and I was kind of like losing the same amount of followers that I was gaining most days because people usually follow me off the back of one video and then on Instagram I might post something that's not like that content and then they're like, don't like this anymore.

I think I'm way less bothered about numbers now.

I mean, I've never really been that bothered about numbers.

When I hit a thousand, I was like, woo, this is cool.

It's really nice that this many people are interested.

But yeah, now I'm at that sort of like the higher numbers as such.

I'm just not, not that bothered anymore.

It does feel a bit weird that I do feel very conscious that I'm sharing moments from people's very intimate days to a lot of people.

So I'll always make sure that I ask permission with stuff like that because I don't think people realize quite how far things can reach.

Sometimes I hit the wrong demographic, like, I'll put my video out there and it's very much meant to be funny, or it's meant to be lovely and, oh, this is someone's day and let's enjoy it.

And then it reaches the weird Christian American mums and they're like, Satan.

So, yeah, it's very strange when.

Very strange when that kind of stuff happens.

But most of the time it's really lovely.

I'm getting really nice comments, I guess, weird comments sometimes, but mostly nice.

When you look back at it now and you look at your life, you look at the touring, you look at the weddings that you play, the music and the people around you, what's one thing that you're most proud of?

Ooh, that's a hard question.

When I first went self employed, I set some business goals for myself just on an app on my phone, and they felt so insanely unachievable.

It was stuff like reaching a certain amount of followers or earning a certain amount in a year or booking a certain amount of weddings in one year.

And I forgot about it.

I forgot about it.

I was like, I've even forgot that the thing existed.

And then I opened my phone at the start of this year and was looking.

I think I went, I was like, oh, I should set some business goals now that I've kind of like reached this.

This point.

What.

What's next kind of thing.

And I saw the goals that I'd set myself back in like 20, 23.

And I ticked off every single one.

And I was like, oh, that's wild.

Cause when I set them, they were so insanely impossible to me.

They were never gonna happen.

So, yeah, that, that.

I'm very proud of that.

Yeah, I'm just very proud of the.

I suppose the business that I've created and that I come away from every day feeling like I've contributed something that is like a precious memory to people and I'm part of somebody's most important part of their life.

Very proud of that.

And the fact that so many people want that.

I mean, I have people messaging me that are like, we want you to sing at our wedding.

We don't care when we get married.

When are you free?

We're going to book it for when you're free.

I'm like, what are you doing?

Just get married.

That's the kind of stuff that's amazing.

Yeah.

Very proud of.

Yeah, yeah, that's a really beautiful thing.

And, like, this one of the most important days of that person's life, and they're that driven to have you there that they're willing to do that.

Yeah.

That's nice.

In another post that I read of yours, you were speaking about the support around you.

So you was talking about the family, friends, and obviously your partner, who've spoken about as well.

How important has their support been throughout your journey over the last five years or so?

Massively.

I'm very, very, very, very lucky and grateful, especially for my parents.

It makes me, like, emotional there.

I'm very.

I think I see other people's situations sometimes, and I go, gosh, am I lucky that I have very liberal parents, that I have very accepting parents.

But they're also just so supportive of anything that I do.

Like, obviously they'll come to me with the, like, the normal caution of, like, are you sure?

Are you sure that you have a backup plan?

But I feel very grateful that they would be there if I needed them if things go wrong.

Like, I'm.

I know that I'm in a very privileged situation with that kind of thing, but it's not just that.

It's.

It's the fact that they've kind of believed in me.

My.

My dad came to three dates of the tour, like, traveled around the country to come and see me play.

And Rory as well.

Like, my partner's incredible.

Like, he.

He's driven me to gigs, he's come to.

He's come to weddings with me.

He.

He's helped me out printing off bingo cards for weddings and, like, cutting them out.

And he's just.

He's amazing.

And if I'm singing at a wedding at the weekend, I come home and he's, like, got dinner ready.

And that sort of stuff is just incredible.

And my friends are so, so, so amazing and so loyal and so supportive as well.

Like Sam, who's my best mate, who.

She supported me on quite a lot of the dates of the tour.

She was the first sort of five dates of the tour, and she did the whole tour with me last time.

And she is just incredible.

Like, she's the biggest cheerleader for me ever and will always, always celebrate my successes with me.

So that sort of stuff is just amazing.

And I'm, yeah, very, very, very lucky and grateful for the people in my life, for sure.

Yeah.

And to just add on to that, if.

If those people that supported you and have supported you and still continue to support you today are listening right now, what's one thing that you'd like to say directly to them.

Oh, you're going to get me again.

I'm such a crier.

Thank you massively.

Thank you for believing in little old me and just, yeah, I don't know, always sort of bringing me back to reality and keeping me on the level, but just sort of going, go for it.

Do whatever you want to do.

Yeah, big time.

Thanks.

Huge thanks.

I could never repay the thanks if.

To change it from someone that you do know and someone who supports you to someone who maybe you don't know and is maybe hearing your voice for the first time, but maybe they're resonating with this story of maybe being sort of unhappy in a place they're in and maybe wanting to go and try something else, but they might feel terrified to walk away from that.

It might be that fear thing that we spoke about before.

Yeah.

What's something that you would say to that person after living what you've gone through?

I would always say nothing is worth your mental and physical health.

No job is worth that.

It's just not.

Work is what we do the most in our life.

It's the thing that we spend the most time doing.

And if you.

It's difficult, isn't it?

Because, like, a lot of people are tied because of financial or because of family constraints and stuff.

Um, if there, if there's any way that you can change what you're doing, even if it's gradually, it doesn't have to be like this crazy leap, like what I did, where you quit your job and then suddenly the next day you can do something different and start making money straight away.

It can be something that's gradual, where, yes, it might take a real graph to start with, where it's going to be unsocial hours.

But if you really, really want to make a change, then it is something that you can do.

Like, it's something that so many people have done and can be successful doing.

Like when I was first.

When I first sort of changed over, I was gigging sort of four nights a week until sort of 11pm and it was really unsocial and it was really difficult.

But it got me to where I am now, where I can maybe work one day a week and I can afford to go on really nice holidays and I've worked, bought an amazing house and stuff.

Like, I'm really, really proud of where I am, but I grafted really hard to get here and it might just take a year or so of working evenings and building that skill elsewhere, but the Payoff is so insanely worth it because nothing is worth your physical health or your mental health.

Yeah, totally agree.

And all of those experiences that you go through when things aren't working to like, the level they are now and you've not sort of got to the place you want to get to, they're still, every time you do something, you're learning from it and you're evolving and you can reflect on it and what can I do better next time?

So, and, and even if you then decide to go down a different route, there are still lessons that you have taken from that.

So I think in life, a lot of people, the way I used to talk about it is if you were on a road and there's a split in the road, this is.

I'm stealing this from someone else.

Someone else told me this.

They were saying if you go down one road and you get to a blockage and you need to come back, there's nothing wrong with coming back and going up a different road.

Nope.

The way I've sort of looked at it now is when you get to that blockage, you don't come backwards, you just go off road and you just cut straight across to the other road.

Because, yeah, you still get all that experience.

You don't just lose that.

You don't forget it.

You still learn things from that.

And like you said about teaching, you learn so much from teaching.

That's helping you now.

Oh, I think people are scared to do something in case it fails.

And if it fails, so what, you've still learned stuff and you can try something else.

And even the word failure is something that I think I've.

I spoke to a guy who did insane ultra endurance events.

He was a world record holder for the most Iron man distance triathlons.

He did 105 days.

He like done some insane stuff.

And one of the things I learned from him was that he calls a failure a hiccup instead.

Cute.

So he just changes that one word and he's like, it's just a hiccup.

Because, yeah, a failure is such a final thing and it's just not true.

No.

100.

I mean, it's, it's like when I used to say it with kids, like, if you don't make a mistake, you never learn from it.

You really don't.

You don't build resilience.

You don't understand.

We used to teach mastery, which was all about understanding not just how to do something, but being able to explain how to, how to not do it, how to do it wrong.

Why is that version wrong?

And why is this version correct?

And if you can explain those things, then you've mastered this idea.

And it's that idea of, like, even understanding the failures and understanding the incorrect way helps you understand the correct way and it helps you on that path.

Yeah.

My final question is looking back in the past.

What do you think Lily then would make of where you are now?

Oh, she'd be like, she'd think I was, well, cool.

I don't think I'm that cool now.

But, like, I don't know.

Thinking forward.

Yeah.

And the things I've done and the places I've traveled to and, ah, just how different life is now.

Like, and.

And the way that I hold myself as well.

I think she'd be really proud of the confidence that I have and that I just went for it and just did it, like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, big time.

Yeah.

I mean, I still am that.

I still am her.

I still am that person.

Just with more experience and.

Yeah.

Just a more open mindset, I suppose.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Few more tattoos, better hair.

I'll tell you what, the first thing I did when I quit teaching was dye my hair.

So I wasn't allowed to dye my hair when I was a teacher.

So I was like, I'm having pink hair.

And then I feel like that made me at least 10% cooler.

Absolutely.

So the thing I like to do at the end of an episode is ask my guest to leave a question for the listener.

So I like to listen to podcasts.

I like to go away and have conversations about what I've listened to with my friends and family and whoever else.

So if you could leave the listener now with a question to take away in order to start a conversation, what question would that be?

If money was no object, if there was no risk, what would you do with your life that would make you feel fulfilled?

Yes.

Love that.

Lily, thanks so much for your time today.

I've really enjoyed our conversation and hopefully people listening have found value from it.

If people want to find you online, keep up to date, maybe book you for a wedding, where can they do that?

So probably best place is Instagram.

I respond to most DMs on Instagram.

So if you wanted to chat about anything that I've said in this podcast or you wanted to, if you resonate with anything, like, feel free to reach out to me, it's Lily Kirby Music.

And Kirby is spelled K E, R, B E, Y.

Thank you, dad.

Most awkward spelling in the world.

Yeah, that's.

That's me on instagram.

Same on TikTok.

And then my website is Lily Kirby music.co.uk I think.

Whatever it is, I'll stick it in the.

Yes.

So anyone listening can just scroll down and can click on it as well.

Well, I don't know my own website.

I don't search my own website very.

Often, but yeah, that would be weird, wouldn't it?

And then on Spotify.

My music's on Spotify, just my name.

Awesome.

Yeah, I'll tag that as well.

So people listen, can go and listen to that once they're listening to this.

Yeah.

No.

And from me to the listener, thank you so much for listening.

If you have found value from it, then please do share it with someone who you think would also find some value from it.

If you haven't already, please do follow the show wherever you're listening.

It really helps the show grow.

But lastly, for me, thank you for listening, stay curious and I will see you in the next one.