Shownotes
Hi Friend!
In this solo episode, our host Phylicia shares a few things that she experienced during motherhood that she wasn't expecting or that no one told her about.
About Phylicia
Phylicia Pough, MBA is a wife, mom of 1 daughter and an entrepreneur. For over 10 years, Phylicia has been behind the scenes of businesses and ministries, keeping things organized. Her journey started in Administration and developed into Systems Strategy. In 2016, Phylicia left her job and stepped out on faith to pursue entrepreneurship full-time. Currently, through PLH Consulting, Phylicia helps mom entrepreneurs develop & implement systems so they can reduce chaos in their business and gain time freedom. She is also the founder & curator of The Mom CEO Suite.
Connect with Phylicia
Website: PLHconsulting.co
Instagram: @PhyliciaPough
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/phyliciapough/
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Website: themomceosuite.com
Instagram: @themomceosuite
Get access to the private stream "10 Tips for Managing Motherhood & Entrepreneurship" themomceosuite.com/tips
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Transcripts
What they didn't tell me about motherhood.
Speaker:So when I found out I was pregnant, I was one of Bill's soon to be
Speaker:moms who researched everything.
Speaker:Everything from my birth clean to just deciding if I wanted to breastfeed.
Speaker:All the things about the type of delivery that I wanted to have.
Speaker:And so I made the decision to do a natural birth.
Speaker:I knew I didn't want to.
Speaker:Have to get an epidural or I didn't want them to induce me.
Speaker:I was watching documentaries.
Speaker:I was watching delivery videos on YouTube, just so I could mentally
Speaker:prepare myself as best I could.
Speaker:For this experience that I was about to have.
Speaker:And honestly, those things helped.
Speaker:I feel like I went into my delivery.
Speaker:Really well-informed.
Speaker:And I knew that the only thing that I couldn't really prepare for was the pain.
Speaker:But we made it through.
Speaker:We got through.
Speaker:And so even with all of my research and.
Speaker:Talking to people that I knew that had children, I have an
Speaker:older brother who has a child.
Speaker:And so I kind of, I feel like throughout the process, I was well
Speaker:informed about a lot of things.
Speaker:But even still with all of my research and knowing people with kids, there were still
Speaker:some things that nobody told me about.
Speaker:Or that I had no clue that I was going to experience or that I just did not see.
Speaker:Online and.
Speaker:I want to share those things with you today.
Speaker:so one of the, you know, kind of funny things that I realized was that.
Speaker:Nobody told me that I would never eat in peace again.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:I'm being a little dramatic.
Speaker:I do eat in peace sometimes, but if my child is around.
Speaker:There is no eating in peace.
Speaker:And it is so shocking to me because.
Speaker:I will feed.
Speaker:I used to feed her first.
Speaker:So my thinking was okay.
Speaker:I feed you.
Speaker:You're full you're happy.
Speaker:So then I can eat.
Speaker:And enjoy my food.
Speaker:But no.
Speaker:As soon as I pull out my food here, she comes wanting to eat my plate
Speaker:immediately after she just ate.
Speaker:And this happens all the time.
Speaker:So I literally, I have to eat while she is maybe sleeping.
Speaker:Or I have to distract her with something or TV.
Speaker:Like she likes to watch.
Speaker:Ms.
Speaker:Rachel or Gracie's corner.
Speaker:I'll have to distract her with that.
Speaker:So I can just.
Speaker:Enjoy my food and I have to share.
Speaker:With my little.
Speaker:But I never heard that before.
Speaker:I didn't know, that was a thing.
Speaker:And I think it's quite hilarious.
Speaker:Like you just a, why do you want my food to.
Speaker:And people would say, oh, maybe she's still hungry.
Speaker:Absolutely not.
Speaker:This little girl is a very welfare.
Speaker:Um, I don't know if there is a.
Speaker:Medical term for this or.
Speaker:A psychological term for it.
Speaker:I don't know what it is.
Speaker:Um, but she likes to eat my food.
Speaker:And it's funny now, but when it first started happening, , I
Speaker:wasn't really a little bit.
Speaker:Upset because I just like to eat in peace.
Speaker:Um, another thing.
Speaker:No one told me that.
Speaker:There will be.
Speaker:Times and.
Speaker:Periods in this experience where.
Speaker:I just would not want to be touched.
Speaker:At all.
Speaker:Being touched out.
Speaker:I did not know that that was a thing.
Speaker:So in my mind, I just thought.
Speaker:I would have this capacity to.
Speaker:Get the same level of affection.
Speaker:To my child.
Speaker:I thought that I would always want to be giving affection to
Speaker:my child and always wanting to be giving affection to my husband.
Speaker:But once I got into it, And having a baby attached to all day.
Speaker:It was like a relief.
Speaker:To be able, just to have my body back.
Speaker:It was, it was a relief and.
Speaker:I just did not know that I would go through days and days where I
Speaker:just did not want to be touched.
Speaker:Um, even the slightest thing, like giving a hug, it was like, because I
Speaker:had been touched all day, you know, having a whole by daughter, having a
Speaker:breastfeed every, every two hours.
Speaker:Maybe even more, um, I forget what it was called.
Speaker:Oh, cluster feeding.
Speaker:When she was cluster feeding, it was, it was even.
Speaker:More frequently that I was breastfeeding.
Speaker:And so.
Speaker:Just being able to have my own.
Speaker:Space.
Speaker:Not be touched and just really want to be in silence.
Speaker:And darkness.
Speaker:And just enjoy the quiet.
Speaker:Nobody told me about that.
Speaker:Like I knew about the quiet piece, but not wanting to be touched.
Speaker:That was totally new for me.
Speaker:And of course, as a newlywed, that's something that you have to.
Speaker:That's something that you have to work through.
Speaker:It's that whole idea of being overstimulated, you know?
Speaker:Not only just.
Speaker:Holding the baby and breastfeeding, but The brightness, the crying.
Speaker:If you have the TV going on or they're, Verdicchio, all of
Speaker:these things are playing a part in you feeling overstimulated.
Speaker:And so.
Speaker:It's like having to go back and retreat.
Speaker:And be able to recharge without stimulation.
Speaker:And so I think that's key for being able to.
Speaker:Get through those moments.
Speaker:It was key for me to be able to get through those moments where you are
Speaker:feeling touched out and overstimulated.
Speaker:Just retreating.
Speaker:And your senses and that being.
Speaker:Uh, TECT.
Speaker:And just getting to a place where they can be restored.
Speaker:Four.
Speaker:The next day.
Speaker:Or, your next encounter.
Speaker:Another thing that, that nobody.
Speaker:Told me about over there.
Speaker:I didn't, I know I was experience was.
Speaker:This whole thing about the mom being the go-to parent.
Speaker:So I have four younger siblings and.
Speaker:I'm the second oldest.
Speaker:Out of six.
Speaker:The four beneath me.
Speaker:I helped to.
Speaker:You know, take care of them.
Speaker:And the sense of watching them, helping them get dressed, feeding
Speaker:them, sometimes things like that.
Speaker:Because there there's a larger age gap.
Speaker:And I don't recall seeing this.
Speaker:My memory fails me in this area.
Speaker:I don't remember seeing.
Speaker:My mother be the go-to parent.
Speaker:It could have been, but I don't remember seeing it.
Speaker:Um, but after I became a mom and I'm in a couple of mom groups and
Speaker:people have talked about this, I just did not know that that was a thing.
Speaker:Where it's like, even as your kids get older, They defer to
Speaker:you I'm in mompreneur community.
Speaker:So we work from home.
Speaker:And so maybe it's because, you know, the mom is in the house more
Speaker:while dad is doing a traditional job outside of the house.
Speaker:And so.
Speaker:The child is accustomed to just coming to the mom for, for support
Speaker:or for whatever it is that they need.
Speaker:But it's like even when dad comes around, they still defer to mom.
Speaker:Mom is like the go-to parent to do things as it pertains to the child,
Speaker:like figuring out the child's schedule and what they're eating and what
Speaker:appointments they need to go to and keeping up with all of those things.
Speaker:And part of what I'm trying to do in my own life is.
Speaker:Kind of rework that norm.
Speaker:My belief is that it should be a joint thing.
Speaker:And so, yes, a lot of times my daughter defers to me, being in that experience,
Speaker:it really pushes me to try to readjust.
Speaker:That norm.
Speaker:Um, because there's no reason for it.
Speaker:There's two parents.
Speaker:And so you don't always have to come to mom.
Speaker:First, mom doesn't have to be the go-to parent.
Speaker:Even just being in some mom groups and seeing people's comments
Speaker:about that after I became a mom.
Speaker:I'm like, wow, this is a whole thing.
Speaker:Neil again.
Speaker:I understand that everybody's circumstances are different.
Speaker:You might be a single mom.
Speaker:And so you have to be the go-to parent or maybe.
Speaker:You are.
Speaker:Whole parenting.
Speaker:With your child's father or maybe your husband.
Speaker:The work that he does, keeps him out of the house.
Speaker:Frequently.
Speaker:I get that.
Speaker:And I understand that.
Speaker:And so of course in that situation, Mom has to be the go-to parent.
Speaker:Before those two parent households.
Speaker:We're both.
Speaker:Mom and dad are home.
Speaker:I would just say to the dads too.
Speaker:Look out for this and.
Speaker:Really just try to step in and take the load.
Speaker:Off of your wife or your significant other.
Speaker:Because just little moments of relief are so, so beneficial.
Speaker:And then the last thing that I just.
Speaker:Nobody ever talked about this and I don't know.
Speaker:If this is just my own experience, but.
Speaker:I did not know once I became a mom.
Speaker:Just how much.
Speaker:I would think about death.
Speaker:It's like giving life and going through.
Speaker:The birthing process.
Speaker:You really.
Speaker:Just understand how.
Speaker:How precious and.
Speaker:Fragile life is.
Speaker:And having this immense love for your child.
Speaker:You don't ever want to leave them.
Speaker:You don't ever want to be apart for them.
Speaker:Like not in this world.
Speaker:Intellectually I know and understand that.
Speaker:Death is a part of life and we don't live forever.
Speaker:And even in my faith, For us who are believers.
Speaker:Death is not the end for us.
Speaker:But it's just something about when you give birth and you become a mom.
Speaker:There is this desire to kind of delay.
Speaker:The coming of that moment.
Speaker:And so for me, This was new and it was, it was a very shocking,
Speaker:and sometimes it's hard for me.
Speaker:To work through or to even think about the fact that, you know, One day, my
Speaker:child is going to have to be without me.
Speaker:And I'm constantly just.
Speaker:Praying that our separation.
Speaker:Isn't that when she's young.
Speaker:Once I became a mom.
Speaker:It's like death became so much more real.
Speaker:And tangible.
Speaker:And, that is , a heavy bang too.
Speaker:To think about it's a heavy thing to carry.
Speaker:And so that's why in a previous episode I talked a lot about the little moments.
Speaker:And I just.
Speaker:Try to relish every moment with my daughter.
Speaker:'cause it's like, you don't know, you don't know when that time will come.
Speaker:And when that time does come.
Speaker:You know, I want there to be beautiful memories.
Speaker:That were made that.
Speaker:We'll have to reflect back on.
Speaker:I know things got a little heavy in this episode.
Speaker:But.
Speaker:I am always aiming to be transparent and open in this podcast.
Speaker:And if I'm feeling it, or this is something that I've experienced,
Speaker:then I'm sure there's someone else who might be going through this.
Speaker:And like I've said before.
Speaker:This is a space for you to be seen.
Speaker:And supported and I want.
Speaker:You all to know that you are not alone in this journey.
Speaker:So I am going to be as transparent as I can be in sharing my journey with you all.
Speaker:Now I would love to hear from you bombs.
Speaker:Uh, next with us on Instagram at the mom CEO suite.
Speaker:And let.
Speaker:Me?
Speaker:No.
Speaker:What were some of the things that they didn't tell you about motherhood?
Speaker:I want to know what were some of the things that you experienced that.
Speaker:You just did not expect.
Speaker:Thank you for joining me in the suite.
Speaker:And give your kids an extra hug and kiss today.
