The Unperformed Version of You: For Parents of LGBTQ Kids Who Are Tired of Saying I'm Fine
Episode 307 •
21st August 2026 • More Human. More Kind. | Parenting LGBTQ Kids, Unlearning Fear, Becoming More Human • Heather Hester | Advocate for Parents of LGBTQ Teens
Have you ever felt like the more put together you are on the outside, the more chaotic you feel on the inside?
This Butterfly Effect episode carries Tuesday's conversation about performance and honesty into one small, practical moment you can catch this week: the pause before you say "I'm fine" on autopilot.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Catch the moment you're about to perform "fine" instead of telling the truth
Say one honest sentence this week that you'd normally edit out
Check in with yourself at the end of one day about the gap between how you looked and how you felt
Press play for this week's word, tiny action, and one line worth stealing.
Hi, I’m Heather Hester, and I’m so glad you’re here!
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Listen to *NEW* episodes every Tuesday and Friday!
At the heart of my work is a deep commitment to compassion, authenticity, and transformative allyship, especially for those navigating the complexities of parenting LGBTQ kids. Through this podcast, speaking, my writing, and the spaces I create, I help people unlearn bias, embrace their full humanity, and grow their capacity for courageous, compassionate connection.
For parents, allies, and those pioneering a way to lead with love and kindness, I’m here with true, messy, and heart-warming stories, real tools, and grounding support to help you move from fear to fierce, informed action.
Whether you’re listening in, working with me directly, or quietly taking it all in, I see you. And I’m so glad you’re part of this journey.
More Human. More Kind. formerly Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen is a safe and supportive podcast in a heartfelt and empowering space where a mom and advocate offers practical guidance and education to parents and allies, fostering empathy, kindness, love, and strong boundaries while supporting LGBTQ teens and the diverse LGBTQ community—including gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, transgender, and queer individuals—through conversations about mental health, grief, gender identity, sexual orientation, human rights, social justice, parenting, parent support, and meaningful LGBTQ allyship and allyship in action.
Mentioned in this episode:
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Transcripts
Speaker A:
In today's episode, you'll discover actions you can take to understand what it really means to be more human.
Speaker A:
Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast for parents of LGBTQ kids and anyone trying to stay human in a world that keeps hardening.
Speaker A:
I'm Heather Hester, and here we talk about fear, belonging, boundaries, courage, love, and what it means to protect what matters without losing yourself in the process.
Speaker A:
Your child doesn't just need a parent who's informed.
Speaker A:
They need a parent who is grounded and strong.
Speaker A:
Let's take a breath and let's begin.
Speaker A:
Welcome to More Human, More Kind.
Speaker A:
I'm Heather Hester.
Speaker A:
On Tuesday, I answered the question so many have asked, what does it mean to be more human?
Speaker A:
Or more accurately, what does it mean to me to be more human?
Speaker A:
It was not as easy of a journey as you might think for me to arrive at the final answer, which is this.
Speaker A:
Being more human means being more honest and less performed.
Speaker A:
Not more polished.
Speaker A:
Not some finished, healed version of myself or of yourself.
Speaker A:
Just closing the gap between what's happening on the inside and what we let show on the outside.
Speaker A:
If you haven't listened to that episode yet, go back and start there, because this one builds on top of it.
Speaker A:
So in that episode on Tuesday, I shared an epiphany I had had more than a decade ago that I want to circle back to today.
Speaker A:
It was the realization that the more put together I looked on the outside, the more chaotic I felt on the inside.
Speaker A:
I think a lot of us are living some version of that gap right now.
Speaker A:
Most of us have gotten so good at it that we don't even notice the effort we put in anymore.
Speaker A:
So this week, I want you to notice that, not fix it.
Speaker A:
Just make a mental note with a little asterisk to come back to it later.
Speaker A:
The butterfly effect for this week is, I think, kind of fun.
Speaker A:
The word of the week is unperformed.
Speaker A:
Unperformed.
Speaker A:
Not perfect or polished, but unperformed.
Speaker A:
The version of you that exists before you've edited it forever.
Speaker A:
Anyone else's comfort could also say raw or real or authentic.
Speaker A:
A lot of words that could be there.
Speaker A:
But for the purposes of this unperformed, your tiny action is this.
Speaker A:
Just once today, catch yourself when you are about to say I'm fine, automatically as a response to something somebody has said to you and just pause for one breath before you answer.
Speaker A:
Before you.
Speaker A:
Whether you change that before you qualify it, you don't have to change it.
Speaker A:
Just notice that moment and think about why perhaps you chose I'm fine as your answer.
Speaker A:
Your micro rebellion is this.
Speaker A:
Say one honest sentence this week that you'd normally edit out or soften.
Speaker A:
Small is fine.
Speaker A:
It can be so small it doesn't have to be confession, it just has to be real.
Speaker A:
And ask yourself at the end of one day this week, how put together did I look today and how did I actually feel?
Speaker A:
I'm adding a new section to the Butterfly Effect episodes because it just fits so beautifully with the whole idea of what the Butterfly Effect is.
Speaker A:
That small action that can grow to something very big, that can set off lots of different actions and reactions in a positive way.
Speaker A:
So each week going forward, I'm going to read a listener review.
Speaker A:
I am so grateful when people take the time to share their thoughts about the show and I thought this would be not only a really fun way to give that person a shout out, but also to encourage you to leave one and to show you how easy it can be.
Speaker A:
is week's review is from susie:
Speaker A:
5 Stars thank you heather for sharing your wisdom.
Speaker A:
You speak so clearly about topics that can be difficult for many people.
Speaker A:
I appreciate the work you do and the heart you bring to each episode and I just want to say thank you.
Speaker A:
Thank you for that.
Speaker A:
Susie:
Speaker A:
Reviews like this one are one of the many reasons I keep making this show.
Speaker A:
So if you have 30 seconds, all it takes.
Speaker A:
Leaving one helps a niche show like this reach the parents and allies who need to find genuinely does make my day and it is one of the biggest factors in helping the show grow.
Speaker A:
A new episode will be out next Tuesday.
Speaker A:
Until then, keep choosing to be a little more human and a little more kind.
