This week, listener Brittaney joined me to continue celebrating 5 years of Travel N Sh!t! We talked about dark tourism, monsters, haunted history and the supernatural. Right in time for spooky season, we add a travel twist.

This month is all about y’all. I’m so grateful to have you all here along for the ride. Each week in October, I'm having a listener join me to shoot the shit and talk about travel from their point of view. No script. No professionals. Just regular people and relatable content. 

Episodes Mentioned:

• Folklore and Storytelling with Ken of By The Fire Podcast

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/77522e0b-1a75-47fb-b02c-75086205cdfd

• Suicide, Travel and Dark Tourism with @Bruceleroytravels

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/8157b8ca-f77c-4343-b2e7-becb27efabe0

• My First Essence Fest !!

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/bd226a92-9f2d-4dd5-a555-4e5aca6f75a6

I’ve put together an itinerary pack that includes five different weekend friendly roadtrips hours from NYC. Take the stress of planning and packing off the table and focus on the road. https://travelnshitpodcast.com/travel-resources/roadtrip/

Never miss a Travel N Sh!t beat! Keep up with guest updates and all things Travel N Shit. Sign up for the mailing list: https://bit.ly/TNSmonthlynewsletter

If you enjoyed this week or any week’s episode, please take a second to subscribe and rate Travel N Sh!t on the platform you listen. If you’re REALLY feeling froggy, please take this quick listener survey so I can get to know you better! https://travelnshitpodcast.com/listenersurvey

Guest: http://www.instagram.com/thishumanoid 

ItsLitByAllen: https://www.etsy.com/shop/ItsLitByAllen?ref=shop_sugg_market

Host: http://www.instagram.com/_dCarrie   

Show: http://www.instagram.com/travelnsh_t  

Twitter: https://twitter.com/travelnsh_t   

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TravelNShitPodcast  

YouTube: https://youtu.be/lKW8F0bZy_s

Salutations and shit folks.

2

Welcome, welcome, welcome back to another

episode of your favorite travel podcast,

3

Travel and Shit.

4

We're at your host, D.

5

Carrie, having an experiential

conversation about the nuanced ways that

6

travel intersects with regular life.

7

Welcome back to another celebratory

episode.

8

October is the birthday month of Travel

and Shit, so I actually quietly celebrate

9

it.

10

with my partner this weekend.

11

I realize I do a really shit job of

marketing, advertising, not my strong suit

12

yet.

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Promise I am working on getting better,

but we actually just went to brunch.

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We were off for Indigenous People's Day,

because fuck Columbus, was off work.

15

and we did brunch in Astoria.

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It was cute, enjoyed, 10 out of 10

recommend.

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And it was nice to just be outside on a

really nice day.

18

And it's kind of part of an extended

version of just enjoying my city.

19

I am low-key grounding myself with this

travel.

20

I don't wanna say what this travel

climate, because we'll get into it, but

21

France got some shit going on.

22

I don't wanna be on anybody's plane.

23

I'm terrified of bed bugs.

24

And yeah, not looking to do any particular

points of travel.

25

I mean, there's places I would like to go,

but I can't say that the perceived risk to

26

me is worth it.

27

But before we dive into more on that,

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Back to the celebratory part of the

podcast.

29

This month I've been having a really good

time of having my listeners join me as

30

guests on the show because I feel like as

much talking as I do, I always imagine who

31

I'm talking to when I am having these

conversations on my own because it's one

32

thing when I have a guest, right?

33

I have someone to fucking talk to.

34

But when I'm doing the solo episodes,

35

I just imagine that my avatar is just

myself.

36

So it brings my heart such a warm rush of

joy to actually have a face, a beating

37

heart.

38

And this beautiful face is here with me

again, Brittany.

39

Welcome, welcome back.

40

I can say welcome back because you are

actually one of my, you were, I think you

41

were the first listener, other than like

my mama, that was a guest.

42

You and Tiffany.

43

were guests for the revisioning, if you

will.

44

I remember we did a time travel episode

where we were kind of discussing like what

45

eras of time would we as the blacks really

wanna go to?

46

Would we wanna go to the future?

47

Would we wanna go to the past?

48

Like what would our fantasy travel look

like?

49

and I had such a fun time and I'm so glad

that you were interested in talking with

50

me again.

51

So Brittany, welcome back.

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Please introduce yourself.

53

thanks for having me.

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It was a really fun conversation.

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I'm Brittany.

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I'm not very interested.

57

No, I'm Brittany.

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I also love to travel and I'm Black as

hell.

59

And I try, I try.

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I am a- I'm going to school to be an art

and play therapist for kids with autism.

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Oh, that is so cool.

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Oh, wow.

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Yeah, God bless.

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man, I have a long way to go, but I've

always loved working with kids.

65

I'm a part-time babysitter by choice and

it's just a really good time.

66

So I'm just hanging out with kiddos a lot,

but also work in office job because

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grownup, grownup stuff, you know.

68

if I can, a little prayer for your spirit,

because I know that kids in general is a

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rough demographic, but especially for

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kids that need so much extra help.

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That is a lot.

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It is taxing not just one of them, but for

the people that love them.

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So thank you for that work.

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And a continued prayer for your own

personal peace in dealing with that.

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Cause I know what it's like to work in

spaces where you're just constantly

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bombarded with bad news.

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It can be a lot.

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So thank you for that work and continued

warm hugs for you for that one.

79

So.

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you so much.

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I'm wondering, you know, at the end of it,

because I have to get my masters and

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everything still working on my bachelor's

and I'm wondering, like, can I rough it

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out?

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Can I stick it out?

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But I don't know, I'm a religious person.

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And I think it's my calling.

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So we'll see at the end, man.

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We'll see at the end of the journey.

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I think through the journey, you'll also

be able to find, I don't wanna say tools,

90

but like, hopefully resources, but also

just practices that best suit you as you

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grow through that process.

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Cause it's one thing, it's kinda like,

cause I used to teach dance class and.

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You've got your baby class, you've got

your intermediate class, and then you've

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got like your teen class.

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That intermediate class was my sweet spot.

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I love the babies, but the babies are just

extra clingy.

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So they just want to hug you.

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They want to tell you about their life

outside of dance school.

99

They are picking their nose, they are

chewing their toes, they are crying.

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They're doing all the things at one time

and there's like 12 of them at once.

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And it's...

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fucking chaos.

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But then you have the teenagers who are

feeling all of those different emotions

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and directing them at each other at you at

themselves and they are just teenagers

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love y'all but who and so hello.

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kids, these teenagers are a different

breed.

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I could never...

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yeah, wasn't my favorite group.

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Love them, loved them down, but the...

110

tweens were my absolute favorites.

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The tweens were my absolute favorites.

112

Right in, I'd say like six to 12.

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And that, yeah, like six to 12, not like

the preteens because the hormones are

114

there and that takes a little bit more

patience.

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And that's what I meant by God bless you

and all of the people that not only work

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with kids, but then work with the kids who

sometimes need the extra love and the

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extra patience.

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Because baby.

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They will try you.

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Have you ever traveled with kids?

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Mmm.

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of.

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No.

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Well, I was an au pair in Italy for three

months, um, when I was 23, 24, and um, it

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was rough.

126

It was rough.

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So I didn't travel with them, but I

traveled to them?

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Question mark, if that makes sense.

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so they were a French family and you went

there to...

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They were Italian.

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even more interesting.

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So they were just on holiday or something

and you just met them out there to nanny

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for them?

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No, so it's a wild story if you're down

for that.

135

So yeah, yeah.

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is a free ball conversation, bro.

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This is just talking to people that I feel

like talk back to me when I'm talking

138

every fucking week.

139

I'm here for it.

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Pull up.

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I love this.

142

Okay, so it was an experience.

143

So this girl who I was like, kind of

friends with, mostly like an acquaintance

144

or whatever, she went to Ireland, and she

did that.

145

And I was like, Oh my gosh, that's so

cool.

146

I think I could do that.

147

Let me see.

148

And so I joined this website called au

pair world.com.

149

and basically you make a profile you say

like oh i'm down to i don't know watch the

150

kids but not clean or everything like that

and they give you like a stipend um and

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just like different they some people offer

their car stuff like that some people

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offer a separate room um i was supposed to

go with this family but then they decided

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to go with another

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and they're like, oh, my brother needs,

you know, needs a person.

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And I video chatted them.

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They seemed like super dope.

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And I was like, you know what?

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Let's do it.

159

They paid.

160

I paid my way there.

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They paid my way home.

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And I was...

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return ticket book before you went out

there?

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How did that work?

165

Nice comfort.

166

Okay.

167

we decided how long I'm gonna be there and

then kind of went that way.

168

And then I...

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My main thing was like, who am I outside

of Tristan, my husband, then boyfriend?

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Who am I outside of Tristan, my family?

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Like I'm super reliant on them, but also

super clingy, you know?

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The fix it person.

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And I'm like, you know what?

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I'ma bounce.

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Like, I'ma see who I am outside of them.

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And it was wild.

177

It was wild.

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I was homesick.

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I lost a ton of weight.

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Because they don't snack.

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Like that's something I didn't realize

that I do?

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They don't snack.

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I don't know.

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I'm not sure.

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of a European culture thing.

186

I think it might have been the culture.

187

They eat like a ton of veggies, a ton of

everything.

188

The grandma of the mom, or you know, the

grandma of the kids on the mom's side, she

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had her own garden and would bring like

fresh fruit and veggies.

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It was wild.

191

It was so cool.

192

So cool.

193

Very difficult because the communication

language barrier.

194

Yeah.

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They did, but they often defaulted to

Italian, so that was really, really hard.

196

I was nervous at first because I was like,

I'm Black, bro.

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I don't know how this is gonna work.

198

I don't know if they're prejudiced.

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Nothing like that.

200

But no, the rugby coach of the little kid

was Black and we went out.

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We went

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out clubbing and dancing.

203

It was really cool.

204

It was really dope.

205

Yeah.

206

So did you stay with them or did you just

like stay nearby?

207

So I stayed with them, they didn't have a

separate room for me and they told me that

208

ahead of time so I stayed on like a cot

with the kids in the bunk bed.

209

They had a bunk bed, I had a cot.

210

And it wasn't terrible.

211

It was pretty good.

212

So they were on holiday or vacation and

they just lived there?

213

Yeah, kind of.

214

They I think they did like summer school

or something.

215

But they still had like a schedule of

like, oh, we're gonna play rugby, we're

216

gonna do like certain activities and we

need you to be there with them and we

217

specifically want you to just speak

English around them.

218

And they ended up like learning a good

amount.

219

and it was wild like I learned a lot three

months.

220

That's a shit ton of time.

221

That's an entire summer.

222

man, I- so I'm not gonna jump ahead.

223

I know what our main topic is, so I'll

get- I'll get to that, but um, it- mmm.

224

I was so homesick.

225

I was like every day like, I want to go

home, and I'm like, shit dude, I'm not

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taking this in, you know, I'm not

enjoying, but a huge part of me-

227

um just figured it out and I was like I

can do this like I could totally I'm

228

already here the hell like I went to the

top of the largest like what is it tower

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in their little city uh in their plaza and

that was like I don't even know like

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180 feet, something too high.

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Like just too high.

232

Too, too high.

233

I was like, oh my god, these stairs are

wild.

234

And the other people were like, I'm like,

no, like, I'm about to die.

235

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

236

Yeah, think The Walking Dead when they

like go up the stairs and it's just like a

237

big old hole.

238

No.

239

I feel you.

240

I feel you.

241

Basically a little, a huge hole.

242

Oh, yeah.

243

I would never survive a zombie apocalypse,

absolutely not.

244

I know many things about me to be true.

245

That is undeniably one of them.

246

What now, wait, I will categorize it as if

it were just me.

247

If I were alone, absolutely not gonna make

it.

248

If I had somebody else I felt like I had

to protect or save, that I can categorize.

249

I am a nurturer and I know that about me

to be true without question.

250

If I feel like I need to protect you or if

you are someone that I just for some

251

reason feel protective over, I got you,

you're good.

252

Me on the other hand.

253

I'm sorry.

254

You ain't gonna see me, baby, say bye.

255

Like, that's it.

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It's a dud.

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Yeah, like, I don't know what we were

watching, but it was something where they

258

had to leave, because every once in a

while, and hi, mom, we agreed to do like a

259

scary movie, it's spooky season, and I

love scary movies.

260

I'm just a fucking bitch.

261

I am such a punk.

262

My partner lives with me.

263

He is strong, and he does not fucking

play.

264

So I, and I know he don't play about me or

this dog.

265

So it's like, we're good in this

household, but I am still terrified to

266

watch it because it's all in my head.

267

And I, and I feel like that's a lot of why

sometimes we, I don't wanna say tense up,

268

but why a lot of experiences and travels

tend to.

269

to worry us because we're caught in our

head as to what could possibly happen.

270

Or we're just writing the story as to what

it could be as opposed to the information

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that's right in front of us.

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I understand all these movies to be fake.

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I understand all of these to be actors.

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I understand FX makeup.

275

I understand scripting.

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I am a very logical and intelligent woman,

however.

277

that logic and intelligence will weave

some stories.

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And as long as there is a story in my

mind, I'm gonna be terrified.

279

And I truly believe out of all the

monsters that zombies could absolutely be

280

real.

281

Zombies, witches, like if I had to

absolutely say that I could...

282

Oh, that's a really interesting one.

283

Like, where would you, not necessarily

where, right?

284

Because I can't even say that I would be

that, like, universally knowledgeable

285

about destinations and locations to answer

this.

286

But, like, what kind of monsters do you

think you could encounter in your travels,

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right?

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Like, I remember I had, I don't know if

you caught this episode, there was an

289

episode about cryptids, if you will, where

I had...

290

Ken and hi Ken such a sweetheart and she

was talking about how we were basically

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talking about how different regions have

their own monsters have their own lore and

292

um i know you're a fan of monsters so what

monsters would you possibly be hyped to

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see in your travels and maybe like fucking

terrified to see me off the zombies

294

Not not fucking with the shits, which is I

believe in which is a real so and I mean,

295

I'm not even talking like movie witches

and the bullshit like Witches are real

296

like witchcraft exists I think actual

magic exists fucking You can't tell me

297

otherwise The reason all magic is magic is

real.

298

There's no way that magic is not real

doesn't

299

maybe exists in the ways that it is

generally perceived, but I absolutely

300

believe in magic.

301

I just have to.

302

The heart in me just has to.

303

And so I really think that of all of the

monsters that I can think of, outside of

304

supernatural monsters, right, like, yes,

because ghosts also real.

305

Mmm, I don't fuck with that.

306

Yeah, another thing that I don't like, the

things that I absolutely to be true, like

307

the things I believe to be true are the

things and the energies that I don't play

308

about when I'm traveling.

309

Like I'm not, I'm very respectful of

resting places, certain like memorials and

310

stuff like that, because I do believe

that, you know, energies do exist in

311

spaces like that.

312

So when I go to even churches,

313

per se.

314

I don't know if it was, what was the movie

with Tom Hanks?

315

The Da Vinci Code, where a lot of the,

like the churches, I don't know if it was

316

the Da Vinci Code or Angels and Demons,

but one of them Dan Brown book movies,

317

where they had, not just the catacombs,

but like, what do you call it, goddamn, I

318

have words.

319

where they internally, they bury the

bodies, like there's a specific word for

320

it, but you know, when they have, the

catacombs is like a thing of its own, but

321

like certain churches have like, not just

relics, but you know, internments of, like

322

there's sacred places, and just because

you can't see it, or just because you're

323

not aware of something's existence does

not negate.

324

the existence of a thing.

325

And so my belief is that a lot of holy

places tend to have other parts, unknown

326

if you will, to them that are necessarily

outside of the public reach, but still

327

exist in some sense.

328

So I take holy spaces seriously.

329

People come there and release a lot of

energy and share a lot of energy.

330

Wherever two or more are gathered, I am

there.

331

So I don't think that that's necessarily

just in Christianity.

332

So I think that would exist across all

belief.

333

I'm welcome to believe that anybody could

make that happen in whatever they believe

334

in.

335

So I don't play about those spaces.

336

Like I tend to be very respectful in how I

carry myself and interact with people in

337

those spaces because of that.

338

So like what...

339

Do you think that your perception on

monsters has to do with maybe how you

340

interact or how you move in your travels?

341

I think like piggybacking off of what you

said, I think that's really an amazing way

342

to think, you know, when you are in those

holy spaces, because for me, I'm a

343

Christian and I'm like, you know, I'll

pray in there and I'm like, wow, this is

344

gorgeous.

345

This is beautiful.

346

But I don't think of like the energy, you

know what I mean?

347

That people bring.

348

and it could be negative um and they could

you know get positive like that definitely

349

exists so i'm gonna start i'm gonna start

thinking about that um in terms of

350

monsters oh like what monster can i handle

351

Okay, start there.

352

Oh, I'm also a little bitch, bro.

353

Like, I love it.

354

I love it so much.

355

But oh god.

356

Okay, let's see.

357

Let's see.

358

Okay, what I can't handle is like,

possessed little kids?

359

Possessed like...

360

Nah, man, it's not my jam, paranormal

activity, like I've seen it, all that

361

stuff, and I know it's not real, but um,

like if I woke up and my husband was just

362

standing over me, like have watched me for

like hours, divorce.

363

I'm good.

364

I'm good.

365

Sorry, holy spirit, like, activate, like,

I'm good, I'm Gucci, stuff like that.

366

But in terms of what I could handle...

367

Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

368

uh, Freddy, you know, I don't know, I'm in

between type of thing.

369

I don't know, I watch a lot of scary

movies, man.

370

A lot of scary movies, so it's, it's

really hard, like...

371

your go-to for scary movies?

372

Do you do monsters or do you, like do you

do, cause I feel like there's a difference

373

between psychological thrillers and

horror.

374

When people say scary movies, I feel like

a lot of times they don't necessarily

375

distinguish the difference because I think

that there are, like that's a very over,

376

overarching.

377

Yeah, it's a broad brush to paint with and

I personally could sit through,

378

think a horror before I sit through a

psychological thriller.

379

I'd be more inclined to watch a

psychological thriller because I believe

380

in those stories.

381

I find the story in those a little more

easily.

382

Excuse me, then I do in horror because

horror is just like, all right, for

383

example, like a saw or final destination

or something came to mind.

384

And then also it's like, why do we watch

Final Destination on like bus trips or why

385

do we watch Final Destination?

386

I don't know, I don't know why that I felt

like the last time I watched that, it was

387

absolutely on a bus trip someplace, wow.

388

But horror movies, even though I know

they're, those are the easiest for me to

389

process in terms of this is fake, I'm

good.

390

But psychological thrillers, I will never

forget, my mama and I went to go see

391

Gothica in theaters.

392

Oh my god, oh yeah!

393

Gothico with Holly Berry.

394

Yes, and what's that man name from that

show, Rock?

395

I cannot remember his name, but I see his

face.

396

That shit was terrifying.

397

And girl, when I tell you we left that

theater shook, and we was just like, yo,

398

straight to the fucking car, no games,

because of course it was nighttime when we

399

left.

400

And so we like, book it, like.

401

I own a prize, we're not dilly dallying,

none of that.

402

Let's get to the car.

403

When I tell you we got to the car, there

was a ticket on the car.

404

My mother didn't even, she, generally my

mother's like, what, she was like, grab

405

it, let's go.

406

Grab the ticket, got in the car.

407

She's like, we will look at it later,

baby, let's go.

408

And same type of time.

409

We were so freaking scared.

410

I, and see, that is something that you can

convince me could absolutely happen.

411

I.

412

I absolutely believe something like a

possession, like you said.

413

I absolutely believe those things can

happen.

414

That's why I'm also kind of, oddly enough,

like in nature, I touch everything, right?

415

Like I'm good to touch a tree.

416

I'm good to touch like, yes, like to touch

a wall.

417

Like if I'm going on like a hike or

something, like a nature hike, I remember.

418

Mm.

419

in Guadalupe.

420

I was going, because I was just going

through those pictures not too long ago,

421

and I was like, oh, it was so beautiful.

422

This was the last real international trip

that I took.

423

And that was January 2019.

424

And I'm looking at some of the pictures,

and I'm at not a lighthouse, but it was

425

kind of like an old mill, an old fort.

426

It was a lot of kind of old shit going on

along this nature walk that we were going

427

on.

428

And so there were a lot of like,

429

Rubble, debris, like remaining structure

pieces and walls and stuff.

430

And so like I'm touching the walls to

this.

431

Oh, this was a jail and this was this.

432

And so I will touch a wall, but I feel

like when it comes to other personal

433

items, if that makes sense, like I don't

know.

434

I think so.

435

that personally belong to someone, I feel

like I'd be a little more hesitant to

436

touch, versus, yeah.

437

Like for example, if there was gonna be,

like the bed of someone that, like you're

438

visiting like an old house, and if for

whatever reason you could touch like the

439

headboard or something, I don't know if

I'm gonna touch that.

440

But like the wall of a house.

441

Like I think of inan, I will more likely

touch an inanimate object versus something

442

that belonged to someone.

443

I will touch a tree before I touch, you

know, someone's book, that kind of stuff.

444

Like I feel like personal items carry just

a little more of that possibly bad energy

445

or just energy that.

446

I don't know what to do with it.

447

I can't do nothing with it.

448

I don't want to bring anything back home.

449

I don't want any of that.

450

Have you ever had like a scary kind of

experience while you were traveling?

451

Hmm, while I was traveling...

452

Not while I was traveling, no.

453

In my life, yes, like ghosty-ghost type of

stuff.

454

Um...

455

Uh...

456

It might sound dumb, but when I was a kid,

I have a twin sister, identical.

457

And...

458

Yeah!

459

I didn't tell you?

460

Holy...

461

Yes, her name's Courtney.

462

Um, she's really cool.

463

Let's see.

464

I have a cousin with a C.

465

I have so many Courtney's in my life.

466

C, cousin is a court to cousin Courtney's

and they're both with C's.

467

Best, I have a best friend who's a

Courtney with a K.

468

My brother is a best friend.

469

Courtney with he's a C.

470

So many Courtney's, but go ahead, girl.

471

Hi, Courtney.

472

Yeah, she's dope.

473

I'm gonna let her know, let her know to

listen.

474

But yeah, it was just me and her, you

know, and in the hallway of our house of

475

our mom's place.

476

I think it was like, my great grandpa

died, and he would like flicker the lights

477

like a lot.

478

all the time, all the time.

479

And it wasn't like, oh, the light bulb is,

you know, going out.

480

It was like three times and then not at

all.

481

Or like four times and then not at all.

482

And it was so creepy.

483

And my mom, she was just like, stop, like,

you know.

484

And then we started saying, stop, like,

this is creepy.

485

But we knew it was him because he's the

last person that died that we saw.

486

It was so weird, dude.

487

Like...

488

Mm-hmm not a joke it sounds but it's true.

489

It's true

490

I don't think it sounds wild at all.

491

I saw a ghost in my parents' house.

492

I don't remember what it was, but I bet

you I never came down to make no microwave

493

popcorn at night again.

494

Oh my god, no!

495

What happened?

496

and so the way like the house is set up is

kind of like if you sit in the kitchen at

497

the like, because there's like a little

breakfast nook.

498

So if you sit in the breakfast nook, you

can see through the entire house

499

basically.

500

You can see straight through to the dining

room and then to like the living room and

501

the front door.

502

So you can't necessarily see into all the

rooms, but you can see, like you can't see

503

the totality of all the rooms, but you can

see into the rooms, right?

504

Okay.

505

So when you come into the kitchen and you

enter.

506

It's kind of like you're, you can't see

like in the kitchen, when you're in the

507

kitchen and like at the microwave, at the

sink, at the stove, like in the body of

508

the kitchen, you can't see any of the

other rooms.

509

The only way you can see into those rooms

is if you go stand in front of the door or

510

sit in front of the table, which is in

front of the door.

511

So that's my point in describing that

because in the kitchen, you're fine.

512

You have no clue what's going on in the

rest of the house.

513

So I'm making my little popcorn and I go.

514

goofy me and sit down at the table.

515

And then for some reason, I'll never, like

I look up and I look directly through into

516

the, and the rest, the whole house is

dark.

517

It's just the light on in the kitchen.

518

And I look into like the dining room,

living room area, and there's like a woman

519

in white, just like standing in there and.

520

It was like, I couldn't see features.

521

I didn't know who it is because my great

grandmother died in the house.

522

So I've always like heard stuff in the

house.

523

Like if I'm in there by myself and my room

is in the attic, if I'm in the attic, I

524

would hear people, like I could hear

walking on the stairs, but knowing good

525

and well, there's nobody in the house with

me.

526

And that never really creeped me out

because it's like, it's an old house.

527

So you expect some kind of creaks and then

it's just like, all right, well somebody

528

is coming up and down the house.

529

Don't fuck with me.

530

And I never felt.

531

You're braver than I am.

532

in that house, not even brave, it's just

no, I'm protected there.

533

Like I'm covered there.

534

It's like my great grandma's not gonna let

nothing happen to me.

535

Like I'm good.

536

Like Dr.

537

Trump, she's not with it.

538

Like I already know I've never met her,

but I already know like she got me.

539

So I've never been like.

540

afraid or scared of anything in the house

that I would hear, but this was the first

541

time I've ever seen anything.

542

And it was the only time I've ever seen

anything, but that scared the absolute

543

utter shit out of me.

544

And I ran into the kitchen real quick and

then it's just like, what's your move?

545

You know what I mean?

546

Like now the fuck what, now what do you

do?

547

And I wasn't like, I was about to say, I

wasn't like a child child.

548

I was probably.

549

home from college or like, you know, I was

between 18 and 21, I'd say.

550

Yeah.

551

So it was like, at this point, handle is a

strong word, baby.

552

Handle is strong.

553

That's a reach.

554

But it's just like.

555

Okay, at this point, you're at the age

where people expect you to handle it.

556

Like, it's kind of like you don't just

stand in the kitchen and be like, mama,

557

yo, somebody come down here.

558

At this point, it was just like, all

right, so am I going to take the popcorn?

559

Like, do I even want the popcorn anymore?

560

I don't even remember what I did with the

popcorn.

561

I probably just like ran up the stairs,

like through and I think I might've turned

562

the light out, girl.

563

I don't even remember what happened, but I

will never forget seeing that.

564

Like I don't remember what my response

was.

565

I can't even.

566

honestly say that I clearly and

definitively, definitively remember what

567

my response was, but I will never forget

seeing it because I have heard a million

568

things but never seen anything.

569

And I told my mama and it was just like,

girl, I don't know who that is.

570

And I'm like, all right, well, she ain't

do nothing.

571

Like we're cool now apparently, you know

what I mean?

572

But yeah, shit like that.

573

It's just like, you can't.

574

untake that experience from me.

575

So it's just like, of course I take that

shit seriously, like when I go other

576

places.

577

Have you ever like considered like, I

don't wanna say like a pilgrimage for it,

578

but like going or visiting places for the

occult?

579

Like I know dark tourism is a thing.

580

And that's one of the things like, that's

an episode that I'm quietly in the

581

background working on.

582

I have like my ideal.

583

way that looks, but then I'm kind of

playing around with other ways that I

584

could do a dark tourism episode.

585

I did one with Bruce Leroy.

586

He'd done a trip to Chernobyl.

587

I think, yeah.

588

I don't know if I could do.

589

there.

590

He like as far as you can go in terms of

visiting the blast site and all that

591

stuff.

592

He done a trip there.

593

He actually, I don't know if it's still

up, but he had a pretty interesting

594

YouTube video about his experience there.

595

That was from like years ago though,

because I remember I interviewed him

596

probably in like 2018 or 19, I want to

say.

597

But so that's a say.

598

I don't know if there are certain places

that I could bring myself to visit.

599

What about you?

600

Hmm.

601

I think, because I don't know a lot.

602

Like, are you talking about like, real,

real stuff?

603

Or like, tourism?

604

Like, what a...

605

Mardi Gras.

606

Louisiana?

607

Okay, I think I know where you're going.

608

So like the ghost tours and like so I

would absolutely do a ghost tour I would

609

do that.

610

But I mean like would you ever travel

someplace?

611

for um to experience I guess you if you

will not experience but to Visit the place

612

of like Mass casualty or um

613

I feel it.

614

Yeah, like the history that's like

traumatic.

615

Yes.

616

So the first place that comes to mind for

me that I don't necessarily think gets a

617

dark tourism label is like the World Trade

Center Memorial.

618

So I worked down by there and I remember

when it was like erected.

619

My cousin, she's still in the Navy,

Lieutenant J.G.

620

Proud of my boo.

621

And I remember

622

Fleet Week, the Freedom Tower had just

gone up and they were opening like the

623

first tours to military, well, Navy,

military, close friends and family, like

624

immediate family.

625

And so shout out to the girl that was

like, so you're domestic partners?

626

Yes, yes we are.

627

We are in love for so long.

628

Have a great trip.

629

this.

630

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

631

I feel it.

632

and I don't wanna say it was a beautiful,

it was a beautiful memorial.

633

I will say that they did a very beautiful

job of respectfully memorializing what

634

occurred.

635

So it didn't necessarily feel

636

like it was visiting the site of mass

chaos and death.

637

You understand?

638

Whereas something, and also I think in

fairness, because there's still so much

639

going on around it, like life is now

existing and happening in such close

640

proximity, whereas opposed to someplace

like Chernobyl, dead desolate and that's

641

it, you know?

642

So I think they're like places that are a

little more vibrant and have more of the

643

memorial feel is not exactly what I'm

going for but some place for example like

644

visiting um Auschwitz or a concentration

camp um would you visit something like

645

that or have you ever

646

before?

647

have not.

648

I have thought about Ashwoods, but I don't

think I could handle it.

649

I don't know if this is like super

controversial, but I would do you I don't

650

know if you saw, but this fucking bitch.

651

She

652

Excuse me.

653

slave quarters that were like on

plantations, which that's what I would

654

want to want to visit like plantations and

see like the conditions that our people

655

were living in had to live in.

656

That's what I would want to do, but this

motherfucking bitch.

657

She took the quarters.

658

put plumbing, put all the shit in there,

and rinsed it as an Airbnb!

659

Do you remember that?

660

Did you hear that?

661

Oh my god.

662

I was like...

663

Ah!

664

That- that- that pissed me off.

665

But that's- that's what I would want to

do, just like, kinda see, uh, see what art

666

people had to go through, you know?

667

I would recommend then, especially since

you mentioned New Orleans, we did actually

668

that at the Whitney plantation.

669

in right outside of New Orleans.

670

I can't remember exactly what the area was

called, but you could look up the Whitney

671

plantation and they do a beautiful job of

respecting the history.

672

You can enter into actual slave quarters

and they do a great job of pointing out

673

what is a restoration, what.

674

is an existing structure from what

previously used to be there.

675

They'll point out this is an, this is a

structure that was originally there, but

676

it has been moved from X location to this

location, or this is an original

677

structure.

678

And then these improvements were made to

it because the plantation itself actually

679

transitioned usage through the years.

680

Mmm, got it.

681

during that era, but then as time grew,

like as time went on, like the actual

682

usage of the property, of the grounds has

been other things since then.

683

Or was it that they had, not indentured

workers, but.

684

The one where you'll never get out of your

debt.

685

I can't think of what it's called, but

like you're farming and it's like the.

686

like you have to work to pay off the debt

that's never ending.

687

never goes out because they're lending you

your

688

It's a thing.

689

But I would suggest there, Whitney

Plantation, they did a really great job.

690

Again, like the World Trade Center

Memorial, it was not for a profit the way

691

that Airbnb was done.

692

It wasn't disrespectful, gross, or

callous.

693

It was more of a you come in here and you

understand the profits that are made from

694

your patronage and from your gift shop

purchases to go back into funding the

695

preservation of this property as well as

the compensation of the tour guides I

696

would assume and the people that work on

the grounds and the property but It was

697

That was absolutely a really

698

It was heavy, but it was also like, as

good of an experience as that can be, if

699

you know.

700

Like that's a heavy one, but it was well

done and received well.

701

It's hard to say you enjoyed, you know

what I mean?

702

Like saying, oh, I enjoyed it.

703

It's a little weird, but.

704

I think I've heard of it because I've been

trying to plan a trip to New Orleans for

705

maybe five years and it just never

executed.

706

Always something happened and I did, I

think I saw that and I was like, I have to

707

go here for that.

708

Like not for visiting, oh la la, but

709

Mm-hmm.

710

Yeah, they make it very easy to consume

that info Yeah

711

we don't, we don't have a lot of places

that are, I don't know how to explain it,

712

if you know what I mean.

713

link to that in the description box as

well.

714

So I'll include the link to, I mentioned

the episode with Ken, I mentioned the

715

episode with Bruce Leroy and I also had

the episode with the Whitney plantation.

716

I'll put those in the description box for

anybody listening if you wanted to check

717

those out.

718

But since we're on monsters, what does

your love of monster originate?

719

Like, why do you love monsters?

720

What is, like, how do you engage with the

monsters?

721

What's your jam?

722

started with zombies, then it really did.

723

I know, I know.

724

Oh my gosh, 28 days later?

725

And then 28 weeks later?

726

And then from there, yeah.

727

it the Portuguese one or something like

that?

728

Quarantine or something?

729

Was it quarantine or something?

730

So I could be misremembering the movie.

731

I'd have to ask Jay, but there...

732

I think that's the one that's a remake of

a European version and goofy us.

733

This is testament to how much I love my

man.

734

We watched it in somebody else, like in an

Airbnb in North Carolina and.

735

Should have known better, but the ship was

good.

736

It was good.

737

Like, you know, there was enough dialogue

and story, you know, to draw me away from

738

the fact that there was zombies, but.

739

proud of you, proud of you, getting

through it.

740

thank you.

741

I haven't dabbled in that in a while, but

yeah, those Scotty, I believe those could

742

happen.

743

Look at COVID.

744

Yep, no, seriously, it was so...

745

such a gross thing to admit, but I hoped

that people turned into zombies.

746

I'm like, it's apocalypse, let's do this,

man!

747

I've been planning for this, even though

I'm probably gonna die, you know?

748

But yeah, it started with zombies and kind

of a little bit of like Final Destination,

749

but that's more thriller, psychological.

750

But it started there and then just started

watching crazy stuff and then Insidious

751

came out and I was like...

752

now i'm like it's not it's not that that's

scary it's not that serious uh but back

753

then back then i'm matured no uh back then

it was like super scary and i enjoyed

754

being scared and then me and tristan just

started watching like all these scary

755

movies together

756

I'm in his office right now and he's got

like a ton of different posters and

757

there's scary stories to tell in the dark

that's, you know, based off a book.

758

Pet cemetery, reanimator, which I was

like, so I have a little brother and I

759

watched it when he was like, I don't know.

760

four or five and I was afraid of him isn't

that wild like I was afraid of him because

761

I was like what if he gets possessed like

is he really like the Charlie that I

762

remember so why

763

the kid versions of us have told us some

wild shit, man.

764

lies, the lies, just like you were saying

before, like, I know it's not real, but is

765

it though?

766

Oh my gosh, but yeah, it just kind of

snowballed and now it's my favorite movie

767

type.

768

Like, I don't like, you know, romance or

anything like that, psychological and

769

physical horror.

770

I don't like...

771

unnecessary violence, you know what I

mean?

772

Like slasher, like there's the classic

ones, but I don't like unnecessary

773

killing.

774

Like that's kind of lazy to the story.

775

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

776

My favorite movies...

777

are Korean films because they just know

what they're doing like oh my gosh they're

778

so scary um my favorite one is Gonjiam uh

Haunted Asylum and basically yeah it's

779

exactly what you think these people these

young people are like oh I'm gonna go on

780

YouTube or TikTok and I'm gonna stream and

we're gonna like you know figure it out

781

and

782

See if these monsters or spirits are here

And I even watched the Blair Witch project

783

like Super Sidebar and that was scary that

show was kind of scary

784

when it first came out.

785

It was a fucking time.

786

It was a time.

787

I will, I have a very loose memory of the

movie.

788

So I think it took me a while to get to

it.

789

I was probably, I don't know why in my

mind.

790

Blair Witch Project came out in like 99.

791

Let's see.

792

Let's Google when it came up.

793

Blair.

794

Like the 90s, definitely.

795

Late 90s, early 2000s, maybe 2002.

796

Damn, I'm good with this.

797

Fuck me.

798

1999.

799

Okay, so you know what you're talking

about.

800

Sometimes.

801

What's that?

802

I'm Ron Burgundy.

803

Not Ron Burgundy is one of them Anchorman

quotes 60% of the time it works all the

804

time something like that So in 99 I was

Turning what 13 14?

805

So I had no real business like really

watching a movie like that If you ask me

806

however

807

Um, I think I remember being like at my

dance school and hearing like my cousins

808

and my friends talking about like, that is

what I remember.

809

And I don't remember.

810

I remember all of like the buzz.

811

I remember the, do you think it's real or

it's so cool or like, you're really in

812

like, it feels like you're this.

813

So I remember the buzz around the movie

more than I remember watching the actual

814

movie.

815

Like I remember watching, my mom was a big

Stephen King fan and like the early scary

816

move, like I don't do clowns.

817

I don't do clowns.

818

And it wasn't even it that did it for me.

819

That like punched me in the face,

solidified it.

820

But I never fucked with clowns, never

banged.

821

And it was wild because my grandma had

like these.

822

weird clown dolls hanging on the wall in

the bedroom there.

823

And it was just like, why are these here?

824

So it would always take me so long to go

to sleep because I would always just like

825

be staring at them because it's just like,

hello.

826

Six year old me was pretty fucking

convinced.

827

Same thing.

828

I hope they're burned someplace.

829

If I ever find them shits in the house,

absolutely.

830

Like that's something that I would

probably want to gift away just in case

831

that, you know, like when they say, like,

you throw it out and it always comes back

832

kind of thing.

833

That reminds me of like Annabelle or some

shit.

834

And I've never seen that, but I just know

the trope.

835

You understand?

836

Like I may not have watched all of the

movies, but I'm familiar.

837

I am aware.

838

So if I found them, them shits gotta be

given away.

839

They have to be gifted so that they don't

find their way back, but Pet Sematary, I

840

remember watching that as a kid and being

like, what?

841

The birds was scary as fuck to me as a

kid.

842

It was just, what?

843

Oh my God, the birds.

844

Yeah?

845

good.

846

A lot of the classics are really, I went

through a really fun Hitchcock phase in

847

college, but that ended up being something

that we had to revisit for one of my

848

classes.

849

But, Birds, I remember being one of the

first scary movies I watched as a kid, and

850

I'll never, I think it was Serpent in the

Mist or Serpent in the Rainbow.

851

It did such, let me look it up.

852

Never heard of that.

853

So it's a movie about, yep, Serpent and

the Rainbow.

854

It is a 1988 American horror film by Wes

Craven and starring Bill Pullman.

855

And it's loosely based on a nonfiction

book, the same name, blah, recounted its

856

experiences in Haiti, investigating the

story of an allegedly poisoned, buried,

857

alive, and revived with a herbal brew,

which, zombies.

858

Voodoo, zombies, Haiti.

859

So when I tell you, little impressionable

me, who didn't know any better, was so

860

terrified of voodoo.

861

And you couldn't tell me that there wasn't

going to be, like a voodoo doll or

862

something wasn't going to be the end-all

be-all.

863

Like, were you scared of quicksand?

864

I don't know if generationally that's a

little bit different.

865

I spent so much time preoccupied about

quicksand and the Bermuda Triangle.

866

that was mentioned like on a past episode,

but it's like the things that scared us as

867

kids.

868

I remember thinking like that some way I

would have to like big me, like little me

869

was thinking that adult me eventually

might have to come into contact with the

870

Bermuda triangle and was just like so

worried.

871

Fucking ridiculous, insane.

872

But like Serpent in the Rainbow, that was

one of my first zombie movies and I was

873

just like, oh, okay.

874

Voodoo, Haiti, never going to Haiti.

875

That really did a number on me.

876

And the zombie thing was just like, oh,

yep, nope, nope.

877

The Michael Jackson thriller.

878

Really?

879

for a while.

880

Oh my God, I used to hide behind the

pillow and I would still watch it though

881

because it was MJ.

882

It was so fucking good.

883

But for like, Thriller, I would hide

behind the pillow and peek around and

884

watch it.

885

And then there were the fun parts of the

video on the roller coaster and shit like

886

that.

887

And when Bubbles was in there, you watch

the fun shit.

888

But then the scary shit, I used to be

terrified.

889

I was such a scary kid.

890

something that I hear a lot though, like

that's not uncommon.

891

Like when it first came out, people were

like super, super scared about it.

892

So I feel that.

893

I think that that's another thing that

ends up being something that you don't

894

necessarily put too much thought into

until you either know better or till

895

you're forced to confront why you think

away about something, right?

896

Like how the experiences of your youth end

up kind of quietly influencing the way or

897

the places.

898

that you visit and kind of interact with,

right?

899

So it was like for the longest time, I was

terrified of voodoo until I actually like

900

read a link, opened a book, asked

questions, and I had the most incredible

901

experience in Cuba with the Afro Roots

Tour, and they did a lot of Afro Cuban

902

religion.

903

explanations and breakdowns and we visited

like a museum that had a lot of historical

904

artifacts and they did a nice explanation.

905

It was such a such a such an incredible

experience.

906

And so for me, it was just like, that's

another way that travel is so much more

907

than vacation.

908

It's just like, it gives you the

opportunity to kind of like dispel a lot

909

of the myths that you had in mind or to

kind of like dismiss like the little

910

things that you may have thought about.

911

Like, for example,

912

I work near Chinatown and so a lot of my

interactions with Chinese people can be

913

judged, if you will, in the harshness of

everybody trying to get someplace.

914

It's fucking Manhattan.

915

Everybody's in the way.

916

You're surrounded by tourists and then

there's a bunch of Chinese people, Chinese

917

signs and Chinese everywhere.

918

And it's like, I know where I'm going at

this point, but it's like, depending on

919

which block and pocket you're in.

920

when you don't know where you're going,

it's like the way a lot of Chinese people

921

would just not respect personal space,

zoom by and like you go into a store, they

922

don't pay you no fucking mind.

923

They is like, you're right fucking here.

924

No, hello, goodbye.

925

Like the idea of American customer service

just doesn't really exist like that.

926

So I, for the longest time had like.

927

no desire to go to China.

928

It was just like, all right, well, this is

how the people from there are treating me

929

here.

930

And I have not really, you know, I like,

you know, this, the, shout out to Norm.

931

I hate saying it this way, it's gonna

sound wild.

932

But it's like, I have a lot of associates

and...

933

as much as I give characters in movies

shit about not having black friends, I

934

look at my regular life and I'm like,

girl, all my friends are black, so I get

935

your friends looking like you.

936

But Norm is not just an associate, Norm is

my friend, and Norm is Chinese.

937

So it's like, yes, I do have a Chinese

friend.

938

But he's the only person that I can say of

Chinese descent that I have any actual,

939

let me ask you this question.

940

be out here looking stupid or, all right,

well, the lady at the store said, or did

941

this, like, I don't know who else to ask,

but you know, you know what I mean?

942

So, Norm would give me like, don't take

this personal or yes, this is why this or

943

no, and this, this means that and blah,

blah.

944

But when I finally got to China, and it

was just a long layover.

945

I had such an incredible experience.

946

not because the people were overly nice.

947

They did a lot of staring.

948

It was pretty weird and uncomfortable.

949

However, the interactions that I did have

with people was just another reminder that

950

you can't let the little pockets of life

that you know be the only pocket you put

951

your hands in.

952

Exactly.

953

Yeah.

954

go someplace else.

955

Try the back pocket, you know the little

pocket in the front that you're like,

956

what's this for?

957

Put your finger in there, see what's going

on, give it a little rummage, you know

958

what I mean?

959

So it's like go someplace, experience

something, and don't let your dumb head,

960

like your dumb experiences or your very

finite and limited experiences kind of

961

color the way that you consistently go

forward, especially when you get to a

962

point in like adulthood and maturity.

963

where you kind of should say that you know

better.

964

You know what I mean?

965

It's one thing to say, oh, I've never had

this experience or I've never had the

966

opportunity to step outside of X type of

experience.

967

But when the opportunity does come, like

try to fully experience the opportunity as

968

opposed to going through said opportunity

with the blinders of the lens you already

969

had.

970

That's been my personal experience.

971

Yeah, I completely, completely agree with

that.

972

Like, everything is about perspective.

973

So you start off, you know, if you have a

bad experience consistently with a

974

different culture or something, of course,

you're like, let me be a little weary.

975

Like, unfortunately, all people are like

that.

976

But I'm all about make your own.

977

What is it?

978

Make your own.

979

opinion, you know, outside of just that.

980

Because some people are just dicks, like,

you know, in that area, but it's not the

981

same everywhere.

982

Like, for example, I'm in the process of

learning Russian, just because when I was

983

a kid I had, like,

984

a bunch of Russian and Ukrainian friends

and I went to their houses and I was like,

985

oh my gosh, like, they're so nice, they're

so beautiful, I want to learn the

986

language.

987

But then when I grew up, they, same thing,

didn't respect personal space, were just

988

super, like, not super, but like

aggressive.

989

Yeah, sometime.

990

like that and admittedly my family was

like, you know, they're all like that, la

991

la, and I was like, no, you have to look

outside of your tiny-

992

like experience and give it a try like

it's scary it's really scary as a black

993

person a black woman going and traveling

by yourself there's so many articles and

994

so many like difference i don't i don't

know i don't know obviously be weary

995

but get outside and make your own

experience.

996

Does that make sense?

997

I feel like I'm like rambling over here.

998

sense.

999

It does.

01:00:40,846 --> 01:00:46,534

Have you had any of those experiences that

kind of made something make sense for you

01:00:46,534 --> 01:00:47,715

in your travels?

01:00:49,358 --> 01:00:51,881

Clarifying moments in your travels, if you

will.

01:00:52,969 --> 01:00:58,183

in terms of like, did I experience

prejudice or anything?

01:00:59,869 --> 01:01:00,108

Oh.

01:01:00,108 --> 01:01:04,231

be prejudice, but like a clarifying moment

or like a moment where it was just kind of

01:01:04,231 --> 01:01:15,220

like, okay, well, I thought X, but now I'm

experiencing P, and this is enough to have

01:01:15,220 --> 01:01:22,945

me rethink or move my hard line as to a

previous thought pattern.

01:01:23,283 --> 01:01:24,904

Gotcha, yes.

01:01:25,165 --> 01:01:30,512

The biggest and only place I've been was

Italy, so that's where I pull a lot of my

01:01:30,512 --> 01:01:31,873

experiences from.

01:01:31,974 --> 01:01:34,317

But I was terrified to go.

01:01:34,317 --> 01:01:35,858

I'm like, what if...

01:01:35,899 --> 01:01:42,122

you know, these people are actually

prejudiced, what if the people around me,

01:01:42,122 --> 01:01:46,644

like, it's not safe, stuff like that,

maybe I shouldn't go to this shop, maybe I

01:01:46,644 --> 01:01:49,866

shouldn't, like, walk alone, all that

stuff.

01:01:50,767 --> 01:01:57,090

But when I went, I felt so welcome, and if

you will, normal.

01:01:57,090 --> 01:02:03,194

Like nobody stopped, nobody was like, oh

my god, you're black, you know, stuff like

01:02:03,194 --> 01:02:03,754

that.

01:02:03,754 --> 01:02:04,854

It was just...

01:02:05,019 --> 01:02:06,202

a very...

01:02:07,330 --> 01:02:08,332

I felt...

01:02:09,219 --> 01:02:10,055

welcome?

01:02:10,055 --> 01:02:13,436

But like, I lived there, if that makes

sense.

01:02:14,457 --> 01:02:21,300

I did have a little bit of prejudice

experience, but it was so funny because I

01:02:21,300 --> 01:02:29,824

was walking and I stopped with my kid and

I had my bike in the way and this older

01:02:29,824 --> 01:02:33,745

woman was like trying to get past and I'm

like, oh, I'm sorry.

01:02:33,806 --> 01:02:39,428

And she said something in Italian and my

kid's like, she said something about you

01:02:39,428 --> 01:02:39,969

being black

01:02:39,969 --> 01:02:43,310

I'm like, oh, couldn't, I didn't even

know.

01:02:43,310 --> 01:02:47,492

Like, you know, I wasn't even clocked in

on that.

01:02:47,492 --> 01:02:50,894

No, exactly, like, huh, that's

unfortunate.

01:02:50,934 --> 01:02:57,697

But no, exactly, let's be kind, you know,

treat everybody with respect.

01:02:58,178 --> 01:03:08,342

But yeah, I was really scared, really,

really scared of being unsafe.

01:03:09,090 --> 01:03:13,995

And that's reasonable because it's that's

part of what keeps us alive, right?

01:03:13,995 --> 01:03:19,120

A lot of those reasonable concerns that

have you second guessing things looking

01:03:19,120 --> 01:03:23,224

around and honestly, that's one of the

things that I always suggest people bring

01:03:23,224 --> 01:03:24,905

with them in like their

01:03:25,454 --> 01:03:29,937

travel toolkit, if you will, is their good

sense and their intuition.

01:03:29,937 --> 01:03:34,701

Like if something doesn't feel right, or

if you're uncertain about something, like

01:03:34,701 --> 01:03:36,182

don't completely ignore it.

01:03:36,182 --> 01:03:36,823

You know what I mean?

01:03:36,823 --> 01:03:44,108

Like it's one thing to question why you

feel a certain way.

01:03:44,108 --> 01:03:50,413

And it's, and I think that one of the ways

to best prepare yourself for travel.

01:03:50,614 --> 01:03:56,739

is to give yourself those opportunities to

do that, to trust your intuition at home,

01:03:56,739 --> 01:04:01,823

where you're on more safe ground, where

you feel like you have more opportunity to

01:04:01,823 --> 01:04:08,468

risk or to, more opportunity to lose,

where you feel safer losing, where you

01:04:08,468 --> 01:04:12,331

feel safer being wrong or just making the

wrong decision, right?

01:04:12,331 --> 01:04:14,713

Like there's a certain level of...

01:04:15,870 --> 01:04:21,995

security you have in your hometown or in

the place that you currently live, where

01:04:21,995 --> 01:04:23,817

your support systems are, right?

01:04:23,817 --> 01:04:30,203

So giving yourself the opportunity or

acknowledging when you are tuning into

01:04:30,203 --> 01:04:39,892

your intuition or kind of being present

with your decision making in very or not

01:04:39,892 --> 01:04:42,313

necessarily very, but just in

01:04:42,846 --> 01:04:50,468

instances where you're making decisions or

exercising choice, if you pay attention to

01:04:50,468 --> 01:04:56,790

it, and in my experience, this may not be

everyone's experience, but for me, I feel

01:04:56,790 --> 01:05:00,731

that paying attention to how you make your

decisions, why you make your decisions,

01:05:00,731 --> 01:05:05,873

and the type of decisions that you make in

safe spaces allows you to better trust the

01:05:05,873 --> 01:05:08,133

decisions that you make in.

01:05:08,962 --> 01:05:12,284

spaces where you may not feel as safe,

right?

01:05:12,284 --> 01:05:19,629

So it's kind of like, I tend to be slow

with decisions for the most part.

01:05:20,638 --> 01:05:23,840

intentional, if you will, and not

indecisive.

01:05:23,840 --> 01:05:26,462

Yeah, I'm really legit just indecisive.

01:05:26,462 --> 01:05:30,004

But if I wanna fluff it up and make myself

feel better about it, I'll say that I'm

01:05:30,004 --> 01:05:31,345

just intentional with my decisions.

01:05:31,345 --> 01:05:32,806

I'm very risk averse.

01:05:32,806 --> 01:05:38,930

Like I am very aware of what X decision is

going to cost me in all the different ways

01:05:38,930 --> 01:05:41,532

that I could think of it having any value

to me.

01:05:42,153 --> 01:05:43,753

That being the case.

01:05:43,858 --> 01:05:49,666

I try not to, like when I think about it,

I try not to beat myself up for past

01:05:49,666 --> 01:05:53,532

mistakes or past decisions and just focus

on, well, what's the easy choice right

01:05:53,532 --> 01:05:54,013

now?

01:05:54,013 --> 01:05:56,796

Or what's something that I can, you know.

01:05:58,098 --> 01:06:03,702

choose first or choose easiest to make

something a little less difficult down the

01:06:03,702 --> 01:06:04,503

road.

01:06:04,503 --> 01:06:09,147

And I find that when I am aware of how

that process works, when it's not as

01:06:09,147 --> 01:06:13,410

difficult, that I'm able to kind of better

default with my decisions when they are

01:06:13,410 --> 01:06:14,191

difficult.

01:06:14,191 --> 01:06:17,173

And sometimes like the difficult

decisions, like you don't necessarily have

01:06:17,173 --> 01:06:23,138

the time to choose, like it's kind of like

certain things like, do I feel safe in

01:06:23,138 --> 01:06:23,658

this space?

01:06:23,658 --> 01:06:27,661

Like if you walk into a bar, and you read

the room, and it's just like,

01:06:28,030 --> 01:06:33,633

there are three people here, none of them

look like me, it is dark outside, and like

01:06:33,633 --> 01:06:42,399

certain cues, you know how to read, and

then also you know your tolerance for

01:06:42,399 --> 01:06:43,300

certain things.

01:06:43,300 --> 01:06:47,483

You know, like there's certain decisions

that you have to make without a thought

01:06:47,483 --> 01:06:52,026

process, but that just tend to just be,

what does it feel like?

01:06:52,026 --> 01:06:58,029

And if, like, I don't know best how to

explain that.

01:06:58,150 --> 01:07:05,637

without saying like my the way I Process

stuff in my brain is not necessarily in

01:07:05,637 --> 01:07:12,264

words if that makes sense, but it's just

like I Just I just know what it is in my

01:07:12,264 --> 01:07:18,469

head without Having like for example If

you think of the transcript of a thing

01:07:19,178 --> 01:07:24,020

there are sections and lines and prose and

there is dialogue to it.

01:07:24,020 --> 01:07:26,161

The entire thing exists.

01:07:26,401 --> 01:07:30,884

It's like the entirety of a thought is in

the book without it being the individual

01:07:30,884 --> 01:07:31,104

line.

01:07:31,104 --> 01:07:34,726

Like I'm not thinking through each piece

individually.

01:07:34,726 --> 01:07:39,689

It's just like when I'm thinking about

what I'm doing when I come home, it's just

01:07:39,689 --> 01:07:43,591

like the totality of it all and then

making it smaller is where it gets

01:07:43,591 --> 01:07:44,371

stressful for me.

01:07:44,371 --> 01:07:47,313

It's like the, does that make sense?

01:07:47,313 --> 01:07:47,880

So it's like...

01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:48,941

I think so.

01:07:49,234 --> 01:07:56,298

when I am making certain decisions, it's

not necessarily telling a story, it's

01:07:56,298 --> 01:07:57,639

reading a feeling.

01:07:57,919 --> 01:08:02,502

So it's just like, it all exists in one

kind of like whiff of air, it's kind of

01:08:02,502 --> 01:08:07,325

like you're smelling something and in that

smell, you know that it's just like, okay,

01:08:07,325 --> 01:08:08,205

it's chicken.

01:08:08,470 --> 01:08:10,431

But then it's like, can you smell the

garlic?

01:08:10,431 --> 01:08:12,272

Can you smell the fresh onion?

01:08:12,272 --> 01:08:17,355

Can you smell that there may be like

cilantro or something else that's added to

01:08:17,355 --> 01:08:17,515

it?

01:08:17,515 --> 01:08:19,096

So it's just like, exactly.

01:08:19,096 --> 01:08:26,600

So it's like, in a moment, like a thought

or a decision sometimes isn't about all of

01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:27,480

the answers.

01:08:27,480 --> 01:08:29,822

It's not about the individual ingredients.

01:08:29,822 --> 01:08:31,082

It's like, what's cooking?

01:08:31,383 --> 01:08:32,423

Do you eat meat?

01:08:32,423 --> 01:08:33,364

It's that simple.

01:08:33,364 --> 01:08:34,644

Do you want this?

01:08:34,664 --> 01:08:35,725

Do you not?

01:08:36,145 --> 01:08:36,865

And...

01:08:36,930 --> 01:08:44,898

if you can kind of make the decision make

a little bit less sense in the most

01:08:44,898 --> 01:08:47,260

comfortable way.

01:08:47,260 --> 01:08:49,882

And I feel like that's only going to hit

if it hits.

01:08:49,983 --> 01:08:52,605

But it's like, if that's like I have.

01:08:53,482 --> 01:08:54,922

You know how you have like inside jokes?

01:08:54,922 --> 01:08:57,763

Well, one of the inside jokes with me and

Jay is if you don't think about it, it

01:08:57,763 --> 01:08:58,564

makes sense.

01:08:58,564 --> 01:09:00,304

I don't know where the fuck I came up with

that.

01:09:00,304 --> 01:09:05,647

I don't know what the context, I don't

know what I was trying to explain, but it

01:09:05,647 --> 01:09:07,207

makes perfect sense to me.

01:09:07,207 --> 01:09:10,929

There are certain things that if you don't

think about, they just make sense.

01:09:10,929 --> 01:09:13,850

The less thought you give to it, okay,

that makes sense.

01:09:13,850 --> 01:09:17,291

But then when you start thinking through,

it's just like when you break it down into

01:09:17,291 --> 01:09:20,253

all of its individual details, it doesn't

make sense.

01:09:20,253 --> 01:09:23,013

And some decisions don't make sense.

01:09:23,743 --> 01:09:29,949

Can you give an example of like, have you

ever like, going back a little bit

01:09:29,949 --> 01:09:36,676

experienced going out in your, you know,

your neighborhood or your safe place, like

01:09:36,676 --> 01:09:44,363

you were saying, and had to make those

decisions outside of your, like comfort

01:09:44,363 --> 01:09:46,806

zone, if I'm making sense.

01:09:46,806 --> 01:09:55,209

Yes, so like a decision that, let me

think, so I think I can do a better

01:09:55,209 --> 01:09:57,430

example of like the inverse, right?

01:09:57,430 --> 01:10:05,754

So not necessarily a decision that I have,

that I'll make like in a more regimented

01:10:05,754 --> 01:10:11,856

and kind of broken down into its parts,

but if you don't think about it, it makes

01:10:11,856 --> 01:10:13,016

sense, right?

01:10:13,797 --> 01:10:15,377

So Qatar.

01:10:16,882 --> 01:10:21,766

If I think about what I did, it was an

absolute terrible idea.

01:10:21,946 --> 01:10:28,512

But in the moment, it made perfect sense

and it was the best decision for me.

01:10:28,613 --> 01:10:33,497

But it was one of those things where it's

just like, I kinda just had to be very

01:10:33,497 --> 01:10:39,303

present in the moment and trust in

individual decisions that were going to

01:10:39,303 --> 01:10:41,144

lead to a larger.

01:10:41,164 --> 01:10:42,625

And it's just like.

01:10:43,182 --> 01:10:52,787

Going with the flow is, in my little

world, I guess, a more readily accessible

01:10:53,487 --> 01:10:56,569

analogy of if you don't think about it, it

makes sense.

01:10:56,569 --> 01:10:57,670

Just go with the flow.

01:10:57,670 --> 01:11:03,013

Just go, like, dance without worrying

about the, yes.

01:11:03,013 --> 01:11:04,653

Dance without worrying about the

choreography.

01:11:04,653 --> 01:11:05,314

Just move.

01:11:05,314 --> 01:11:06,835

When somebody's like, well, I don't know

how to dance.

01:11:06,835 --> 01:11:07,475

I don't know what to do.

01:11:07,475 --> 01:11:08,836

Don't think about it, just do it.

01:11:08,836 --> 01:11:09,676

Just move your body.

01:11:09,676 --> 01:11:11,017

Start with your shoulders.

01:11:11,077 --> 01:11:12,239

Start with your hips.

01:11:12,239 --> 01:11:12,542

Yeah.

01:11:12,542 --> 01:11:12,682

I mean?

01:11:12,682 --> 01:11:14,764

It's like, don't think about it, just be

in it.

01:11:14,764 --> 01:11:20,791

And I feel like if you spend a little bit

more time just in it and going with, okay,

01:11:20,791 --> 01:11:22,213

well, where's my body taking me?

01:11:22,213 --> 01:11:25,476

Where's my decision process taking me?

01:11:25,476 --> 01:11:27,178

What am I feeling in this?

01:11:27,178 --> 01:11:29,160

I guess more of the woo woo.

01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:30,481

How do you fucking feel?

01:11:30,618 --> 01:11:33,940

tap into what the energies around you are

saying.

01:11:33,940 --> 01:11:37,903

Is the energy from the bus driver giving

you absolutely not getting on this bus

01:11:37,903 --> 01:11:38,483

right now?

01:11:38,483 --> 01:11:43,447

Something about you is just, sometimes

don't think about why he's weird,

01:11:43,447 --> 01:11:46,309

sometimes don't think about what it is

about this person.

01:11:46,309 --> 01:11:48,790

It could be absolutely nothing personal to

that man.

01:11:48,790 --> 01:11:52,833

It could absolutely be like an ancestor or

somebody just coming through in that

01:11:52,833 --> 01:11:59,117

moment and saying, hey, I know that maybe

his eyebrows will

01:11:59,774 --> 01:12:04,636

rustle something up in you from like, not

even like on some deep repressed memory

01:12:04,636 --> 01:12:11,959

ship, but just like sometimes the universe

works in your favor in making and having

01:12:11,959 --> 01:12:13,280

things happen.

01:12:13,500 --> 01:12:17,542

And it's not necessarily about the, well,

let me see.

01:12:17,542 --> 01:12:20,623

He's got his uniform on, there are other

people on the bus.

01:12:20,623 --> 01:12:25,025

When you start breaking it down and like

analyzing your choice not to take that

01:12:25,025 --> 01:12:25,845

bus.

01:12:25,950 --> 01:12:26,970

No, it doesn't make sense.

01:12:26,970 --> 01:12:29,291

Cause you're like, no, I can't point out

any reason why.

01:12:29,291 --> 01:12:31,812

Like I didn't really want to be on that

bus.

01:12:31,812 --> 01:12:37,975

But in that moment, you had a strong urge

to just be like, well, nope, maybe not.

01:12:38,215 --> 01:12:39,796

And you followed it.

01:12:39,916 --> 01:12:46,619

And sometimes it's like not thinking about

it while you just have to be present.

01:12:46,619 --> 01:12:52,301

And I think to answer the question where

you were asking for like an example in.

01:12:52,874 --> 01:12:57,856

regular life, right, like smaller

decisions, like the decision to go to an

01:12:57,856 --> 01:13:00,017

event or not go to an event.

01:13:00,198 --> 01:13:08,322

You can sit and think of like, oh my God,

if I go, you know, I don't know that I

01:13:08,322 --> 01:13:12,044

necessarily, I don't know how social I

wanna be, like, am I gonna be able to go

01:13:12,044 --> 01:13:13,465

right afterward?