You're in for a treat with this latest episode of Burning Brightly. We had the amazing Denita Bremer on to discuss something so important yet often avoided: feeling our negative emotions. 

As Christian moms building businesses, we can get caught in the trap of thinking we need to be positive and grateful all the time. But the truth is, avoiding the hard feelings actually holds us back from creating the impact and income we desire. 

Here are a few key insights Denita shared:

- Feeling negative emotion doesn't mean you're doing something wrong - it's just part of the creative, messy process of building something new

- We often self-sabotage when we start feeling good because feeling bad is more comfortable and familiar

- Trauma from our past can make it very difficult to sit with uncomfortable emotions in the present, so having support is crucial

- The key is developing the capacity to just feel the sensations in your body without judging or attaching stories to them

Denita gave such a powerful perspective on why leaning into our uncomfortable feelings is ultimately what allows us to grow into our biggest, brightest selves. Her vulnerability and wisdom were truly inspiring. 

You won't want to miss hearing all her insights and personal experiences on this topic. Hit play to prepare yourself for doing the work required to shine your light in this world!​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Learn more about Denita on her website and follow her on Instagram.

Also, be sure to follow her podcast!

Download Bonnie's free guide to getting your coaching business up and running in ONE weekend.

Ready to work together? Schedule a call to explore your goals and learn how I can help you.

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You're listening to episode 50 of Burning Brightly

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with guest Danita Bremer, how to get good

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at feeling bad.

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This is Burning Brightly, a podcast for Christian

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moms who are feeling called to build a

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business and share their light with the world.

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I'm Bonnie Wiscombe, a life coach, mom, and

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entrepreneur.

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And I'm honored to be your guide as

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you face this business building adventure full of

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highs, lows, and everything in between.

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This is where we help each other find

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the courage to shine.

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Welcome back, friends.

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Today, I'm excited to introduce you to Danita

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Bremer, who, she says, before becoming a fulfilled

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life and trauma coach, led a miserable life

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with a hot husband and three very healthy

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kids in Denver, Colorado.

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She says that her childhood trauma was a

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shadow that she has now learned to shine

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a light on, and she helps others do

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the same, especially on her podcast, which is

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entitled, If I'm So Blessed, Why Can't I

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Feel Good?

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She says she meditates and does yoga next

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to her bed because her office is too

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messy, which I think we can all resonate

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with.

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But today, I'm excited to talk to about

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feeling badly and why it is so important

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and how to get better at it with

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Danita.

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Let's dive in.

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I have a wonderful guest today.

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I'm really excited to introduce you to her

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name is Danita Bremer.

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And she has a new show out.

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Is that right, Danita?

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I do.

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I have a new podcast.

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It's called, If I'm So Blessed, Why Can't

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I Feel Good?

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I'm super excited about it.

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I really love that title.

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It's super intriguing.

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You want to give us just like the

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30-second rundown of what your podcast is

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about if they can't figure it out from

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that awesome title?

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Yeah.

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So basically, I remember years ago before I

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got into coaching and being an entrepreneur and

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learning all the things that I've learned where

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I kept asking myself, I have all these

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blessings.

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Why can't I feel good?

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And in the last five to seven years,

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I've learned a lot of things.

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I've dabbled in mindset coaching, in somatic coaching.

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And I also always love studying and thinking

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about faith and spirituality.

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And so it's a podcast to kind of

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answer that question every week, every episode in

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a variety of different ways.

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So we're not just sticking with coaching.

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We're also talking about some other things like,

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do you drink enough water?

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Things like that.

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Just like all the things, a very holistic

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approach to feeling better.

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Okay, that's incredible.

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I think as coaches, we get so pigeonholed

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sometimes into the thought process, right?

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And the mindset stuff, we just think that's

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going to solve everything.

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But clearly, that's not true.

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Do you say that's right?

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I would definitely agree with you there from

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my experience.

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So what we wanted to dive into in

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this episode is talking about feeling badly predominantly.

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Now, so don't shut it off yet.

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We're going to talk about some good stuff.

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But especially from the perspective of Christian women,

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what do you see Danita in your experience

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of talking about this sort of thing as

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a really big temptation for these Christian women

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that are very blessed when it comes to

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avoiding negative emotion?

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What is our problem?

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Tell me that.

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Yeah.

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Well, I don't know if I'm the expert

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on all the problems.

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But one thing I definitely see in the

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Christian women's sphere, and probably men too, is

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a lot of shame for not kind of

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fitting the mold, not being like the picture

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of success or whatever it is.

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And I think a lot of times we

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see what people are doing on the outside,

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but we don't necessarily know how they're feeling

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on the inside.

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We assume like, oh, they're smiling.

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Their kid is going on a mission or

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their business is making so much money or

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whatever the things are that we see on

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the outside.

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We assume that they must feel good, positive,

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motivated, whatever those feelings are, when that's just

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not always the truth.

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And so we kind of slide into this

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space of if I'm feeling wrong, I must

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be doing it wrong.

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I love that.

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And conversely, if things are going well for

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me, like you say in your title, why

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am I not happy?

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Yes.

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If what is on the outside is good,

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but what is on the inside is not

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as good, what's the disconnect there?

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What's my problem?

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Right.

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And maybe we start to feel guilty or

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like I'm not grateful enough because I have

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all these external blessings and I can't figure

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it out.

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I can't get it together.

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I can't feel happy.

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My life feels different than it should, especially

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compared to everybody else.

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We love the comparison game.

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Yes, exactly.

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So I do think comparison is a big

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part of this and kind of assuming the

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inside work that somebody has or hasn't done

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is a big part of it.

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I mean, there are so many things.

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There are physical reasons, right?

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We have a lot of chronic disease in

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our world.

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There are mental, emotional reasons.

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There are spiritual reasons.

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There are a lot of different ways we

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could come at that.

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That's a big part of what I do,

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what I'm talking about on my podcast.

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But really, I just think it comes down

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to that expectation or that assumption of how

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we envisioned it feeling.

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And then when it doesn't feel that way,

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we're like, there's a problem, right?

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And that's really just our brain.

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Our brain's always watching for problems.

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Yeah.

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But oftentimes, especially for like women entrepreneurs, because

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I know that's what you do and who's

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most likely listening, I think it's almost a

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lack of capacity to feel good, right?

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Like the skill of being able to hold

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good feelings in our bodies without self-sabotaging

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because there's this concept from The Big Leap.

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It's a book by Gay Hendricks of this

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sort of emotional thermostat.

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And it comes up over and over and

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over again for me in my work, for

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me personally, my clients, all of that.

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And it sounds counterintuitive because we think everyone

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wants to feel good, right?

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But the truth is when we're used to

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feeling bad, we actually want to feel bad.

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And so as soon as we start feeling

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good, as soon as we get like a

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little bit of success and we're like, oh

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my gosh, I'm so excited.

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It's working.

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Then we go, well, this is foreign.

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This is different.

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What's wrong?

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Something's wrong.

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Let's sabotage that, right?

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Yes.

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So that's another element here.

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Yeah.

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I'm so glad you brought that up.

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And sometimes it's difficult for us to see

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that happen in ourselves.

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It's usually difficult, but most of us can

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resonate with seeing that in someone we love,

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right?

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A family member or a friend who just

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can't seem to find satisfaction or contentment in

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their life.

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They're always focusing on the negative.

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And even when good things do happen, they

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almost either self-sabotage or seek out the

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negative aspect of it because they're so much

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more comfortable in that place of discontent.

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And that's terrible.

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We don't want that for ourselves or for

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our loved ones.

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Yeah.

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But the truth is the keyword there is

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comfort, right?

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We tend to go back to what is

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comfortable or familiar, even if it feels bad.

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And this is a concept that probably many

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of your listeners have heard before, but when

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we actually sit with it and we let

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it be in our bodies, that idea that

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I have to grow my capacity to feel

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good.

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Why does feeling good feel bad, right?

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So it's almost paradoxical.

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It really has to come with experience, I

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think.

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I think that's why it's see it in

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ourselves, which I agree with you.

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It is hard to identify in ourselves when

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we are self-sabotaging.

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And sometimes we can and we still can't

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stop it.

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And it comes back to this willingness to

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be open to feeling whatever it is.

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Right.

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Right.

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That's the ultimate skill.

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I'm here for it, right?

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Up, down, sideways.

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Let's just experience it all.

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Yeah.

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Let's talk for just a second about what

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is required when it comes to negative emotion

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as entrepreneurs.

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Because I know you and I talked about

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this before, and I think it's so powerful

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that building a business is very often uncomfortable,

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unfamiliar, and brings up a lot of negative

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emotion.

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And sometimes we're so disconnected with ourselves, we

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go straight to self-sabotage without even considering,

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huh, why do I feel this way?

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So why is it essential that we become

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comfortable with discomfort, I would say, as business

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owners?

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Yeah.

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I mean, you said it.

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It is going to be uncomfortable.

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It is going to be hard at times.

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It is going to bring up our emotion.

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I tend to think that my business is

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a mirror for who I am, kind of

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thing.

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And when I see something that I don't

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like, that doesn't feel good, right?

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So we have to be willing to sit

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in the discomfort to create anything in the

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world because creation itself is hard a lot

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of times.

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I mean, it doesn't have to be hard.

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Sometimes it feels easy.

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But most of the time, by and large,

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if we're creating something new in the world,

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that means it's unfamiliar.

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That means there's a learning curve.

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And that means that there's going to be

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some uncomfortable, difficult emotions, some negative emotions is

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how we say it.

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So if you want the end product, if

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you want the dollars in the bank account

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or the program that you're creating or whatever

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it is that you're creating, if you want

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that, you have to be willing to go

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through the negative feelings.

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And I do think that one of the

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things we do is we make feeling negative

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mean that we're doing something wrong, but it

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doesn't.

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It doesn't mean that, right?

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It just means that I'm doing something new

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or this feels uncomfortable or you know, sometimes

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guilt or shame can come up.

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It's like, Oh, I'm making it mean there's

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something wrong with me, whatever it might be.

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It doesn't necessarily mean that we're like on

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the wrong track or we're doing it wrong.

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And I do think every emotion has wisdom

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attached to it.

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It's like a signal in your body.

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And if we can slow down and be

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with those sensations of that emotion, we can

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glean the wisdom out of it without making

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it mean we're doing it wrong.

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We're on the wrong path.

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We haven't figured it out.

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Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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A lot of times it's just the process.

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And we're like, we want the process to

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be fun and enjoyable and impactful and all

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those things.

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But the process is just gritty and hard

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and messy.

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Yes.

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I'm so glad you brought up that word

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because I think about painting or drawing or

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cooking, like anything creative, even artistic, it requires

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mess, right?

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This is one of the reasons why I

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don't love cooking because I don't tolerate mess

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very well.

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Yeah.

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I don't love all the mess we make

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along the way.

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And it's like, not only am I cooking

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and timing everything, but now I also have

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this mess and then there's a bunch of

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dishes and all of that.

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And it's just sometimes overwhelming to me.

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But I had this aha moment several years

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ago where I was thinking about a painter,

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painting a picture.

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And if they tried to only squeeze out

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just the right amount of paint, they would

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be a little bit limited in their creativity.

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And I just realized all creativity requires some

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mess.

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It requires some extra that gets thrown away,

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that doesn't get used.

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And we have to get used to that

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idea, right?

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We have to be with that mess.

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Yes.

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I love that analogy.

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I'm just picturing.

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We look at beautiful finished works of art

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and they hang on in our beautiful homes

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on our pristine walls.

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But how often do we think about what

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that artist studio looks like?

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It looks like a train wreck.

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There's paint flicked everywhere.

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They have paint clothes and aprons and the

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process is very messy.

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And if we look at our businesses like

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that, honestly, it gives me some freedom to

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just loosen up a little bit and go,

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Oh, this is going to look like a

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painting studio where some things fall flat on

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the floor and some turn into a beautiful

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canvas.

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And it's supposed to be that way.

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Yeah.

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This reminds me of the concept of perfectionist

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fantasy, which I personally learned from Carl Owen

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Dial.

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But it's this idea, this picture in our

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mind of what we think it's going to

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look like or feel like.

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And it's this very beautiful, very curated picture

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of what business looks like.

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It doesn't have to be business.

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It could be parenting, be any endeavor we

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take.

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And then when we get in the process

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of it and we're like, this doesn't match

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the picture that I thought it would in

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my head.

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Something has gone terribly wrong.

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You're going to feel bad.

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Right?

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And so to sit with that vibration, to

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sit with those sensations and trust that it

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doesn't mean you're wrong.

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You're wrong.

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The process is wrong.

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You're on the wrong track.

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Any of that.

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It just means you have more data.

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Yeah.

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So I do think that perfectionist fantasy though,

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can really get in our way.

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Right.

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When I sit with clients, I was just

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sitting with a client and she's moving, she's

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moving across the country right now, getting ready

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to sell her house and buy a new

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house and all of that.

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And I said, well, what did you think

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it was going to be like?

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Was it going to be like, I just

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systematically go through all my things and then

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we pack all the boxes and then we

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do all the work on the house while

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we're still eating healthy and all of those

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things.

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I'm like, no, you just fantasized the wrong

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thing.

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It's supposed to be messy when you're moving.

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There's supposed to be piles of crap everywhere.

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Right.

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And so that's not what our brains do.

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Our brains see the perfect version, the ideal

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version.

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Well, and as business owners, I mean, that's

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part of our creative process is dreaming, right?

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We want to dream and envision the future,

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which is so great.

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But I like to remind my clients very

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similarly that it's not much different there than

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it is here.

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It looks in our minds so beautiful and

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so perfect.

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But really, our good and bad is just

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shifted a little bit.

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They just change shapes a little bit.

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The bad doesn't go away.

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The good doesn't miraculously just skyrocket.

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It's both there.

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It just shifts a little bit and we

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need to be prepared for that.

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So when we get there, we're not totally

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depressed because this didn't solve all my problems.

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It doesn't look like the perfect fantasy.

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Well, guess what's not in the perfect fantasy?

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It's our feelings.

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Because the feelings happen in our bodies, in

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the experience, in the moment.

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We don't plan for those.

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We don't plan for them because you can't

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see a feeling in your mind.

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Right.

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And even when you think about that thing

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you want to create, and of course you

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are thinking of an ideal version of it,

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you're not thinking about, well, how would I

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feel necessarily, right?

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Anything coming from our mind is very devoid

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of feeling of those bodily experiences.

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This is why I think so many people

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like the idea of travel.

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But then when we travel, we're like, oh,

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it's a lot of waiting.

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I just want to go home.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So that's the truth of it.

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Okay.

450

So let's go back for a second to

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the part where you were talking about how

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if it feels bad, it's not necessarily wrong.

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Because I think we get so stuck sometimes,

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especially as believers in this moral dichotomy of

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right-wrong, good-bad, including our feelings.

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If it's right, it's going to feel good.

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If it's wrong, it's going to feel bad.

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And I have to make the right decision,

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ergo, that right decision is going to feel

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good.

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So speak to that for a minute.

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How can we overcome this?

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Because we know the right decision doesn't always

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feel so good.

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Yeah.

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I think the paradigm of right and wrong

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is the wrong paradigm.

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And what I think we're actually wanting to

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ask ourselves is what feels right.

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What feels right in this moment?

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And sometimes what feels right feels really bad.

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An example in my life is I'm writing

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a book right now, and I don't want

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to write a book.

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I didn't plan to write a book, but

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the spirit said, it's time, write the book.

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And so I'm doing it because that's one

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of my high values is listening to the

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spirit.

480

That's what I consider being a person of

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faith.

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And it feels really bad.

483

I have so much resistance to it.

484

I have tons of emotion that's coming up

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as I write these stories from earlier in

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my life, but it feels right.

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When I got that prompting, I was like,

488

oh, this is right.

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It also feels bad.

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There's so much emotion and drama in me.

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And I'm like, please, I don't want to

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do this.

493

Yeah.

494

And so the question that we default to

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is what feels good right now?

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But I think what we really should be

497

asking ourselves is what feels right.

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What feels that kind of like, I call

499

it that aligned feeling.

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What feels in alignment, right?

501

Yes.

502

What feels in alignment?

503

What feels like the next right thing for

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me?

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And sometimes there's going to be a lot

506

of fear around that, or like I said,

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resistance.

508

Sometimes it does feel good.

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Sometimes like this is the right thing.

510

I'm excited.

511

I'm moving forward, but not always.

512

Yeah.

513

So it's just so much more helpful for

514

me to think of what feels aligned, what

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feels right.

516

And even as I look back on some

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decisions I made or actions that I took,

518

almost always it felt right, but half the

519

time it felt good and half the time

520

it felt bad.

521

So I think most of the time we

522

act on what feels right.

523

We can override that.

524

I just know this about myself.

525

I've done a lot of my own deep

526

work and I've been a personality type system

527

nerd my whole life.

528

I know that I have a very strong

529

sense of identity of who I am.

530

And so it's a little bit hard for

531

me to override that just because that's so

532

strong in me.

533

But I know for many of my clients,

534

when we kind of peel back the layers

535

of, well, why did you do that?

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It's oftentimes when they have regret or they

537

look back for some reason and they don't

538

like the decision they made, it's because they

539

were having some kind of prompting or intuition,

540

something like that, and they ignored it or

541

they overrode it.

542

And so it is possible to override that.

543

But I think that that awareness of actually

544

I'm asking what's right, not what's good or

545

bad.

546

Yeah, totally.

547

And I think you also bring up a

548

good point here because I see a lot

549

of us applying a moral code to business

550

decisions.

551

And sometimes there really are decisions that feel

552

much righter than others, even if it's going

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to be hard and it's going to feel

554

bad.

555

But I think the vast majority of decisions

556

we make in our business are ours to

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make, and there's no right and wrong one.

558

And I see a lot of people get

559

really stuck on that.

560

Like, I just don't know what the right

561

one is.

562

But what if we could just be free

563

to choose whatever we wanted, even if it

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felt bad, even if we knew it was

565

going to give us a lot of growth

566

and it was hard, or we knew it

567

was the direction we wanted to go and

568

it was hard.

569

Does that make sense?

570

Sometimes we just have to trust ourselves enough

571

to take the first step.

572

You know, and part of this speaks to

573

the part of our brain that wants to

574

conserve energy.

575

We want to know the right path, even

576

if we can logically get to the place

577

where we're like, I know there's no right

578

or wrong, but I want to know the

579

path that's going to require the least amount

580

of energy.

581

Because that's a function of our survival brain.

582

Our brain's always trying to keep us alive

583

and it wants to conserve energy.

584

It wants to do like the most direct

585

path.

586

And it's almost impossible to know.

587

I mean, I dare I say it is

588

always impossible to know what the most direct

589

path is.

590

And I do think we get caught up

591

in that.

592

At least I get caught up in that

593

wanting to not expend more energy than I

594

have to.

595

So I wonder if that's true for other

596

entrepreneurs as well.

597

And there is also an element of, I

598

just don't want to have to feel the

599

negative emotions along the way.

600

Negative emotions don't feel good.

601

Right.

602

But if we open ourselves up to feeling

603

whatever is, almost like the way I think

604

of it is sensations.

605

I boil down the emotions to sensations.

606

If it's just the sensations, hot, cold, sharp,

607

dull, heavy, light, we're less tempted to put

608

some meaning on it.

609

Right.

610

To be like, oh, this means that I'm

611

doing it wrong.

612

Or this means I made the wrong decision

613

or something like that.

614

Right.

615

If we just boil it down to the

616

sensations, we open ourselves up to just feeling

617

what is, what is here in the present

618

moment.

619

And then most of the time, in my

620

experience, it just flows through us.

621

And then we're back where we were before,

622

before we felt that negative emotion.

623

Okay.

624

So give us some tips.

625

Let's say that we know we are dealing

626

with some negative emotion and we're often pushing

627

it away, but we need to move through

628

it.

629

How do you suggest we do that?

630

Especially when it comes to maybe a big

631

decision in our business or something we just

632

can't seem to wrap our head around because

633

it's so uncomfortable.

634

Yeah.

635

Well, like what I just said, if you

636

can boil it down to just the sensations

637

and just sit with those sensations, I like

638

to say 10 minutes.

639

Can you sit and just describe the sensations

640

in your body for 10 minutes?

641

Even the process of describing the sensations, you

642

can journal it.

643

If you want, you can speak it out

644

loud.

645

I've done that.

646

I've been like, okay, I, my cheeks are

647

hot.

648

I feel tears coming out of my eyes,

649

things like that.

650

I kind of verbalize it to almost to

651

help me focus because your brain's going to

652

be like, let's get away.

653

We should go eat a snack.

654

We should check our phone.

655

We didn't do this.

656

We should do that.

657

Cause it's so uncomfortable.

658

But if you could do that for about

659

10 minutes, sometimes less, most of the time

660

you get to this point where the intensity

661

of the emotion dissipates.

662

It usually doesn't last more than about 90

663

seconds unless we have thoughts that keep it

664

activated in us.

665

Right.

666

But if we can boil it down to

667

just that sensation level and then the goal

668

is just, just be with it.

669

Just let the sensation be there.

670

Most of the time it's like, oh, that's

671

interesting.

672

Now it's gone.

673

We just so much resist those negative emotions

674

that we keep them alive in us, right?

675

There's a saying, what we resist persists, right?

676

So that's the first step with a caveat.

677

The caveat is that for many of us,

678

and I was in this boat a couple

679

of years ago when I first started doing

680

this somatic work, we can't do that.

681

We can't even get ourselves to sit there

682

for 10 minutes because there's a reason why

683

it feels so uncomfortable.

684

And so we need somebody else's support.

685

We need that co-regulation.

686

It's almost like energetically, we rely on the

687

other person, their groundedness, they're not in it.

688

So it's not as intense for them.

689

And once we have that support, I think,

690

I don't know if you're a Harry Potter

691

fan, but I love Harry Potter.

692

And the point at the end of the

693

whole series where Harry Potter's walking to his

694

death, right?

695

And he turns the stone and his mom

696

and dad and people who have died come

697

to him.

698

It's what he needed to be able to

699

walk to his death, right?

700

That extra support.

701

So some people need some extra support.

702

It doesn't have to look like someone who's

703

telling you what to do.

704

It could just be someone sitting next to

705

you, right?

706

If you've ever had an opportunity to be

707

in grief, you know what it's like to

708

just have someone sit with you in silence

709

and how supportive that can be.

710

So that's the caveat is that if you

711

can do it by yourself or you just

712

sit and you describe the sensations of your

713

emotion, fabulous, great, but not everyone can because

714

of their life history, the things, the associations,

715

their brain and nervous system make with those

716

really difficult sensations.

717

So some people need a little added support

718

and there's nothing wrong with that.

719

It's just the path that you're on.

720

That is such a great reminder and also

721

a good reminder that it's going to be,

722

certain things are going to be more uncomfortable

723

for certain people versus others, right?

724

And again, to not compare.

725

Sometimes as we're building our business, we might

726

look over at so-and-so and go,

727

she has no problems public speaking.

728

Why is that so easy for her?

729

Why is it so hard for me?

730

Why do I want to cry every time

731

I stand up in front of people or

732

whatever's coming up for us?

733

And to acknowledge that, oh, my brain just

734

functions differently and this is going to be

735

something I need to work on a little

736

bit more than maybe Susie so-and-so.

737

Yeah.

738

I had that same thought.

739

I was certified through the Life Coach School

740

and I saw all these coaches immediately making

741

so much money and I thought, oh my

742

gosh, what is wrong with me?

743

And then through a series of events and

744

over time, I learned that the trauma that

745

I had endured, which basically all the kinds

746

of traumas I've experienced in the first 20

747

years of my life, was really setting me

748

back from the starting line, right?

749

We've, I don't know, the idea of we're

750

not all at the same starting line.

751

And I just, that was so comforting to

752

me.

753

And in a way, it was a little

754

discouraging too, because, you know, I'm a human

755

and I want to get the results and

756

the impact faster.

757

But when I realized the trauma that I

758

had endured was still showing up for me

759

and was really preventing me from showing up

760

bigger in my business, and I saw it

761

as like, oh, all these other people, they

762

were at this starting line and I'm way

763

far behind that.

764

And I have kind of, you know, pre

765

-work to do before I even get to

766

the starting line where they were.

767

That just, it really helped me not have

768

as much shame, not compare, right?

769

And I just, it's impossible to compare because

770

I think all of those experiences we've had

771

growing up, if I think we've all experienced

772

some kind of trauma on a big scale

773

or a small scale, it does come and

774

affect us in our businesses, right?

775

To have a business, to sell a product

776

or a service means that you have to

777

show up in a public way, right?

778

And there are varying degrees of how public

779

you have to be, but it's in relationship,

780

right?

781

Who are you selling that service to?

782

It's not in a vacuum.

783

And that, those experiences you've had with other

784

people and especially painful experiences with other people

785

can come and almost be an obstacle for

786

you in how you relate to other people,

787

you know, how you sell, how you market,

788

all of those things.

789

And so we're not, it's impossible to compare

790

because we never know who was bullied or

791

who had a parent that died or, you

792

know, something like that and how they relate

793

to other people.

794

Yeah.

795

So why is it specifically that these traumatic

796

experiences that we may have left behind 20,

797

30 years ago would cause us to struggle

798

to feel those negative emotions?

799

Because that's what you're saying, right?

800

It's like, it's hard for us to feel

801

embarrassment or imposter syndrome or whatever it is

802

because of what we've experienced in our past.

803

Yeah.

804

It's because by definition, trauma is in the

805

present.

806

It's whatever happened back then never got fully

807

resolved.

808

So you've been carrying it around for 20,

809

30, 40 years and it is still in

810

the present.

811

So for me, I wanted to be more

812

successful in my business.

813

I wanted to grow.

814

I felt like I had learned tons of

815

things.

816

I had all the tools.

817

I intuitively knew I don't need anything else.

818

I should be able to do this with

819

the tools that I have.

820

But something kept coming up when I thought

821

about like speaking to people on a bigger

822

level, on quote-unquote bigger stage, not necessarily

823

a physical stage, but more followers on social

824

media or whatever it might be.

825

Something kept coming up and it physically felt

826

like I was being stopped in my chest.

827

And I kind of knew in that moment,

828

I was actually sitting on a coaching call.

829

So this is the power of coaching, right?

830

Having somebody to be with you through this.

831

And I told her, I said, when I

832

think about speaking, I don't really consider myself

833

a speaker, but when I look at my

834

future self, she's speaking on stages.

835

And so I'm like, well, how the heck

836

am I going to get there?

837

It feels like I'm naked on stage and

838

everyone, the audience is awkwardly silent and I

839

can't see the lights are in my eyes

840

and I just, I like can't talk.

841

I'm frozen.

842

And I intuitively knew, oh, this is trauma.

843

Like this is coming up for me in

844

the present moment when I think about my

845

business.

846

But it's because of all of those experiences

847

in the past when I felt embarrassed or

848

I felt ashamed, or I felt like people

849

were judging me and I just froze and

850

couldn't talk at all.

851

So because that young version of me never

852

had a chance to resolve that, never had

853

a chance to get on the other side

854

of it and what does it mean and

855

all of that, it's still, I was still

856

carrying it around.

857

It was still inside of me.

858

So when I thought about being seen in

859

bigger ways, that's what came up.

860

Oh, that's so fascinating.

861

And so you personally, did you do the

862

same somatic work that you're telling us about

863

in order to move through some of that?

864

You're still working on it.

865

What's your process?

866

Yeah.

867

About two years ago is when that experience

868

happened and I immediately knew I need to

869

get some help, some support with trauma.

870

So I found a coach who did somatic

871

work and worked with her one-on-one

872

for six months.

873

And like most of the sessions were very

874

little of us talking and just her supporting

875

me through feeling, through the sensations in my

876

body, urges come up, resistance comes up.

877

And she was very skilled at helping me

878

resolve a lot of those feelings that originated

879

in my past, but were still present for

880

me.

881

And I continue to do that work.

882

So for me, it has become less about

883

the thoughts and the mindset and more of

884

just feel it, feel it all, feel it

885

all.

886

And I sometimes think we kind of pile

887

up the feelings because we're human and we

888

have the ability to kind of procrastinate feeling

889

and I'll get to it later.

890

And then we never do.

891

Or we break.

892

Or we break, right?

893

We get burnt out, whatever.

894

And so I really have several practices.

895

I have a very long spacious morning routine

896

that helps support me.

897

I love to walk.

898

I can't just walk for 15 minutes.

899

I have to walk for like an hour

900

every day.

901

I journal, I read scripture.

902

I do a lot of things to support

903

myself and I'm starting to get better at

904

it, but I still am human, right?

905

I still have moments when I'm like, I

906

don't want to feel that.

907

And so it's less of a like one

908

and done and more of a practice, more

909

of a lifestyle, I would say, at least

910

for me, because I do have lots of

911

traumatic experiences in my past and I am

912

trying to run a business.

913

So maybe if I wasn't trying to run

914

a business, I wouldn't need that quite as

915

much.

916

Although parenting

917

So maybe if I wasn't trying to run

918

a business, I wouldn't need that quite as

919

much.

920

Although parenting is another area that I feel

921

like...

922

Absolutely.

923

And we got to fix ourselves before we

924

pass it on to our kids, right?

925

Yes.

926

Some bad habits of holding it all in.

927

Okay, this is so, so, so helpful.

928

And I'm so glad that you brought up

929

business again, because it is an active work

930

towards a better version of ourselves.

931

And any self-progress we're trying to make

932

is messy.

933

And it's not going to look how we

934

want it to like this really pretty, perfect

935

package where we just open it tomorrow.

936

And there we are perfectly developed and everything's

937

great.

938

It is such an amazing vehicle to get

939

us from here to the best version of

940

ourselves.

941

But it's going to be rocky, and it's

942

going to be bumpy.

943

And we have to be willing to feel

944

because every time we shove it down, we're

945

missing out.

946

Not only does it harm us eventually, but

947

we're missing out on this opportunity to grow

948

and stretch.

949

And that's the whole point of life.

950

Absolutely.

951

Beautifully said.

952

Well, thank you so much for joining us.

953

I have loved talking to you.

954

And I would love to hear you share

955

with our audience where they can find you

956

and learn more about you.

957

Yeah, you can go to my website, DanitaBremer

958

.com.

959

But right now, I would love for any

960

of your listeners to hop over to my

961

podcast and give a listen and leave a

962

review.

963

It's a brand new podcast.

964

So that's kind of where I'm focusing.

965

But any offers I have going on will

966

be found right on my website.

967

Perfect.

968

Yes, we will link to her website and

969

podcast in the show notes.

970

So thanks so much for being here again,

971

Danita.

972

And we'll speak to you soon.

973

Thank you.

974

Are you ready to start or grow your

975

dream business?

976

Click the link in the show notes to

977

download the free starter guide to building a

978

business or to schedule a free coaching call

979

with me.

980

And if you loved this episode, don't forget

981

to leave a review and share it with

982

a friend who might be feeling the call

983

to burn a little brighter.