Millions of women take SSRIs for anxiety and depression and many times no one tells about the sexual side effects, let alone that there's a solution. When it happened to a sex therapist and an OB-GYN themselves, they refused to accept "just add Wellbutrin" as the only answer. Dr. Laurie Mintz and Dr. Suzette Johnson join Dr. Rahman to share the deeply personal stories behind their new venture and why no woman should have to choose between her mental health and her sexual health.

What started as a friendship between "sisters from another mother" became a mission after both women personally experienced SSRI-induced orgasm dysfunction and discovered how well a compounded topical cream made with sildenafil and L-arginine worked for them. Now, in partnership with Mojo, they've launched something no one else is offering: the cream plus a short course covering the biological and psychological sides of orgasm dysfunction mindfulness, vibrators, erotica, and the science of why your body responds the way it does.

The conversation also dives deep into the orgasm gap: why women orgasm 22–33% less often than men in heterosexual encounters, what the research on bisexual women reveals about whose "fault" that really is (hint: it's not women's bodies), and the brand-new concept of the orgasm pursuit gap why women need to start actively pursuing their own pleasure without pressure.

This is midlife reinvention, medical advocacy, and orgasm equality all in one conversation.

Highlights:

• SSRIs are essential medication for many women but sexual side effects like muted or absent orgasm are real, common, and rarely disclosed at the time of prescribing.
• Most prescribers' only answer is "add Wellbutrin"—few know that a compounded topical cream (sildenafil + L-arginine) can restore blood flow, sensation, and orgasm for many women.
• New research identifies an orgasm pursuit gap heterosexual women largely don't pursue their own orgasm or expect their partners to.
• Pursuit is not pressure: women can actively seek the clitoral stimulation they need without turning orgasm into a performance demand.
• Sexuality does not expirewomen can and should stay sexually active at every age if they want to be.

Remember: I'm here to educate so you can advocate for yourself. This podcast is for education, not medical advice please see your own doctor or clinician for your individual care.

Please make sure to share this episode with women who would find it helpful. Most of this information is still new to many women and the more it gets shared the more women we are helping!

Get in Touch with Dr. Mintz & Dr. Johnson::

Dr. Mintz- Website

Dr. Johnson:

Mojo

Get in Touch with Dr. Rahman:

Website

Instagram

Youtube

Substack

Hey y'all, it's me, Dr. Smeena Ramon Gyno Girl. Welcome back to another episode of Gyno Girl Presents Sex Drugs and Hormones. I'm Dr. Smeena Rahman, board certified sex med gynecologist and menopause specialist in Chicago, and I'm here with two very special guests. I'm super excited about this conversation. we're gonna be talking, they're really some of the most innovative entrepreneurs as well as you know, just thought leaders in the field of female sexual medicine and

been doing this for a very long time and so I'm super excited to hear about the new adventures that they're doing. I'm gonna let, you know, I Dr. Laurie Mintz is here. She's been on my podcast before and Dr. Suzette Johnson is here. She's a board server by OBGY and I'm let them do a little intro on themselves and then we're gonna get into all the good stuff. So thank you guys for being here. I'm so excited. Laurie you want to Laurie, you have to know I talk about you almost every day because when people come to me with low desire, I'm like

We're so excited to be here.

Thanks for having us. Yeah, this is great.

My friend has this guide to you for like I give him your handout like almost every day. Yeah Yeah, that so you're you're like literally in on my mouth every like Dr. Laurie Vince's handout. She's a friend of mine. She's a sex she's a sex therapist who wrote this wonderful handout on ten ways to motivate you to want to have sex. So other than you know, the Addie and the other things I do, I give them your handout every

Ha ha ha ha.

I'm so glad. I'm so glad.

Yeah.

for your books. Anyway, please introduce yourself to our audience or reintroduce yourself 'cause you we did a podcast a year ago or so.

Okay, I'll go first. So I'm Dr. Laurie Mintz. I'm a licensed psychologist and a certified sex therapist. And I'm the author of two books, both aimed at empowering women sexually and both with empirical data showing they work. A tired woman's guide to passionate sex, which is for women with diminished desire and becoming clitorate, why orgasm equality matters and how to get it, which is aimed at empowering women to orgasm.

And I'm just so excited to be here and to talk about my latest adventure with Dr. Suzette Johnson.

Yay.

Yay! Hi, I'm Suzette Johnson. I am a board-certified OPGYN and I specialize in menopause, sexual health, and advanced gynecologic ultrasound. And I have become extremely passionate about sexual health over almost my 30 years of practice. And meeting Lori has been one of the most amazing parts of my career and

our collaboration together, besides us being wonderful great friends. we now have collaborated on a a business and we'd like to tell you about that and tell you how we got here too, because it's a it's a good story.

Yeah, absolutely. Yes. I can't wait to hear all the good stuff. But you guys are just such amazing like people, honestly. Every time I see you at Ishwish, I just I'm filled with so much love and I feel like you yeah I don't know, you just have the great energy that I that I love to be around. So I appreciate you guys being here as well. And I am so happy to Yeah, and I'm so happy to support all of what you're doing.

It's a good story.

same same way we feel about you.

Yeah, totally mutual.

but let's talk about it. I'm Guy No Girl. I love a big good backstory on how people got to where they are. So tell us how you got to, you know, where you are in your careers, but also

this new adventure. Like this is this is what I always talk about. Like midlife is this turning point for so many women to launch new adventures and careers and really pivot in a way that they may not have thought they could. And so this is such a great example of that. But please please why don't you guys start telling us about, you know, your interest in sexual medicine and then how you guys teamed up like the Wonder Twins to do this amazing Wonder Twins activate. Yeah. It's so awesome.

We call ourselves sisters from another mother.

We do. So I guess I'll start saying I've been doing sex therapy for many years in you know, written books. Thank thank you. And so I met Suzette because we both were in Gainesville, Florida, and we became

You have the best Ted Talk too, by the way, for people that haven't listened. I can't remember what it's called, but I've I've listened to it many times so

But since that you're in New Jersey now, right? Okay, just want just one news here. Okay.

Yeah, I'm back in New Jersey, yeah.

And we became friends. And I think she said to me, you should go to ISWISH, the International Society of for the Study of Women's Sexual Health Conference. And I was like, no, those are all doctors. They're not gonna want me there. Like, I'm not gonna understand a word anybody is saying. No, no, no, no, no. I just go to sex therapy conferences. Fast forward, she convinced me. I went and I like fell in love with the

Yeah, that's how I found it. Yeah.

my

So wrong.

People like you, Semina, and the organization. And I felt like it really enhanced my sex therapy practice because I feel like I I had this missing piece of information, the biological causes and solutions. And I feel like I'm such a better sex therapist because I'm able to spot when someone needs medical intervention.

And and now I've had many women come to me who failed sex therapy with other people and done countless things and I'm able to say that's because this is a medical problem and I send them to people like the two of you. So that's the backstory.

Yeah.

The truth is most people need more than just they need more than just their OBGY neurologist. They need a sex therapist, but they also need more than just a sex therapist. Usually they need

Exactly. And I think a lot of like I think you all do a good job of that sexual medicine physicians of bringing in sex therapists. Us sex therapists had not been doing a good job. And I'm trying to change that of bringing in the biological, the medical. So that's the backdrop. I went to ISWish, fell in love with all of you, became like my home, my professional home. And I took notes at one conference about orgasm issues and

Right.

Mm-hmm, that's true.

Different things that could be done when someone because that's my specialty. So I wrote down all the stuff. Fast forward, I start an SSRI for I have longstanding anxiety, which I've dealt with, I thought effectively with yoga, meditation, all the things, but my adult daughters didn't think I was doing so well and confronted. Yeah, which is great.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

They're always the first one to tell us.

Yeah.

And so they were like, yeah, no, the energy coming off of you, too anxious. You got you need more than just the behavioral stuff. So I went on an SSRI. And the first time I went to have a sexual encounter with my husband, like, and I've been orgasmic my whole life. You know, this is not this is something that's easy for me. And poof, like I couldn't get there. I couldn't get there. It was like I knew what my clients were experiencing.

Yeah. Crazy, right?

So I knew right away it was the SSRI. So I dug out my notes and I rank ordered from the least invasive to what I thought was the most invasive on this list. I called Suzette, a little upset, I'd say, and said, like this happened. And I did this rank ordering. And I I scream cream seems like the easiest thing. This topical cream you put on your clitoris made with sildenophil.

Yeah.

The active ingredient Viagra and other vasodilators. I said, Am I right? And she said, Absolutely. And she prescribed it for me because she's not only my friend and business partner, you know, she's helped me with my own medical gynecological issues. And my goodness, my orgasm came back full force, better than it had been before the SSRI. It was like

magic and I'm not saying it's magic for everyone, but it was magic for me. And one time after a particularly good sexual encounter, my husband said, You've got to market this stuff. And I was like, I can't prescribe it. I'm not a business person. But I thought, you know what, he's right. Like women are on SSRIs and they're not told there's a solution. So fast forward, I'll this is where Suzette

Yeah.

Mm mm. It's like the secret, the big secret.

Right.

picks in. Got this is where Suzette's part of the story kick in. I contacted Suzette and I was like, What do you think of this business idea? And Suzette, please take it from there.

Okay. So just to start how I kind of bec Yeah, how I got interested in sexual medicine. Well, when I came out of residency, you know, doing just general OBGYN, it seems like, you know, every every other woman I would see for a well woman visit would be, you know, completely great exam, everything's good, walking out the door, hand on the doorknob, and then that woman would say, Doctor, I don't want to have sex anymore.

Yeah. Well also Susan, tell us yeah, I was gonna say tell us how you came into section.

Like, my gosh, what is going on? Like, there's a pandemic here, right? And it's just seemed like over and over again this would happen. And I s I started to say to my staff, gosh, if I got a dollar for every woman that didn't want to have sex, I wouldn't have to work anymore. It was just ridiculous. So I started to really look into this. I thought this is something very serious. Why are these women, midlife women, even younger women not wanting to have sex, lose their desire?

Yeah. Yes.

Right.

can have orgasms and I just started to get interested in it, taught, you know, self-taught, going to conferences, reading everything. And then in this large practice I was in of six partners and a lot of nurse practitioners and so forth, I became the one that everybody sent everybody to. So it was on me to, you know, to really beef up my education. And I just really became so interested in it that it set me on this path of of which I am so happy to have, you know

Yeah.

Yeah.

chang kind of changed my career and then also going into the menopause and and really understanding that going through it myself and experiencing all those things that happen to women is was had just become a big passion of passion of passion of mine. So that's where why I got to where I am and going to Istwish was just you know s such such a an amazing part of learning and you know getting all this information and sharing it with my

colleagues kind of spreading the word because nobody out there talks about it. And then starting and working at the University of Florida, I started having a sexual health clinic with the residents, which was amazing. And so you know that's how I kind of am where I am today. And then having Lori come into my life because I being at the University of Florida just just s you know set us on this path to where we are now.

Right.

So this whole thing happened with Lori, and then almost, you know, I don't know, a few weeks or so after that, I started to have some really significant anxiety and also went on SSRI and also was not able to have an orgasm. No matter what, with my husband, with the vibrator, by my, you know, I just couldn't achieve it. It was so frustrating. And so I, of course, you know, told Lori about it. I also used the cream.

Yeah.

And it made such a big difference. And also being postmenopausal, too, I'd already had seen some changes in my the intensity of my orgasm was much more muted and those things. But that also made such a big difference. And that's and and Lori and I said, This is like this is the answer. We have to spread the word. We have to get out there. And I started doing my own little thing. I'd go to, you know, little gatherings with some of the the clinicians at at the my health system.

Yes.

Yeah.

And I like family practitioners, I was, you know, hey, so if you have a patient's on SSRI and they're, you know, complaining of orgasm dysfunction or can't what do you do for them? probably just add well butyrin. I mean, that was the common answer across the board. Add well buterin, add well butrin, you know. And and I'd say, Do you know that you could try this, you know, compounded cream? That no, never heard of it. So it really just really it you know encouraged me more and and really kind of proved the point that

This has not been shared. There's not a lot of information out there, and spreading the word became very important. So here we are.

Yeah, no, I agree. And I think that you know, so many women don't f don't get counseled on the sexual side effects of SSRIs. I mean obviously Ubells and you about them because, you know, we're in this space, but I think that, you know, that's where we see a lot of the people who say, you know

they feel a little numb, you know like they sometimes they just feel numb. Like I had a patient tell me yesterday, like, I don't want to go back on the SSRI because I just felt like a shell of myself. Like I was just kind of going through life. Whereas like now I have a lot of energy and I'm yeah, I'm anxious, but I I don't want to go to that extreme where I'm like a shell of a person of that what I was. And so for everyone's different and obviously like you know, we know perigenopause and menopause, this estrogen regulates so many of those neurotransmitters that of course, you know, the hormones help some people, some people need the

Mm-hmm.

Right.

SSRI, so I'm not poo-pooing the greatness of the medication for so many people to control so many of the greater symptoms. But the sexual side effects are real. So I think it's important for us to

Yeah, and and nobody I think that there's there's lack of disclosing of this information when it's being prescribed. And a lot is because I think the prescriber doesn't even know and if there if becomes a problem, they don't know how to to take care of it. Because honestly, even L B G Y N we weren't trained. We we were not taught about these things. We didn't even we weren't even taught how to look at a clitoris, you know? I mean it really our training has was

Yes.

Yeah.

just more concentrated on the pre-menopausal woman and the obstetrical areas and surgery. We didn't get into the sexual things in in practice. It was, you know, learn on your own as you go kind of thing. And and it it's also a shame that some that women have feel like they have to choose between their mental health and their sexual health, which I think is so sad because if they're feeling better on their antidepressant, that part of their life is better.

You know, their moods are better, they're more emotionally stable, and then yet they have no want of sex, which is such an important part of our lives, you know, and and and so that's why there there's gotta be a a happy medium somewhere. We have to find a way to help these women so they can, you know, feel well, overall well, and also have this important part of their life, which is, you know, a sexual life, you know, it it

That's good.

just has, you know, studies have shown that having sex improves your health, decreases all cause mortality, you know, improves your cardiac health, your emotional well being. So there's a good reason for us to have sex and to be sexual beings. We're meant to be sexual beings.

Yeah.

A hundred percent. And I think what's interesting is like, you know

You have people that have untreated depression who have complete anhedonia, they don't have a desire to have sex. They're ruminating because of their anxiety, they don't have a desire to have sex. But then you treat with something, and then their desi you know, for so many people, their desire still isn't there. or they have, you know, these muted orgasms or arousal issues. So I and and you know, there's like a whole group of people now talking about post SSRI syndrome and whether or not these symptoms ever come back or these, you know, sensations ever come back. And for some people it might be variable. So I think we just

Exactly.

Right.

don't know what happens at the level of everyone's specific, you know, neurotransmitter network and and their receptors and everyone is so different. So so it's a it's a kind of a pickle that we're in, but this is a great so let's talk about, you know, these the the creams that you guys are working with and and and how we think they help.

Right.

Yeah, and and I also want to say I want Suzette to talk about the cream because that's her part. But we also just to let you know, we the we we have this company where you can get the cream as a standalone, but we also created a like a little mini course that that has the psych the biological and the psychological. Like Suzette explains why this happened to your body. And then, you know, we talk about other

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

things that can help like mindfulness, which we can get into later, and exercise before sexual activity and fantasy and erotica and vibrators. Like so we're trying to get what?

Heated rivalry. I said he did rivalry. Or off campus. Off campus. I love off campus.

Yeah. Or off campus is the new one. So exactly. So we didn't want to just we so people can buy the course alone, they can buy the cream alone, or they can what we think is ideal, combine them. But you know, we want women to have choices. So it's you can choose any way. But you know, Suzette is the one that prescribed the cream, created the formula, worked with the doctors, so yeah, I'd love to.

Ha here right, yeah.

You know, I I I only know vaguely the ingredients are in it and how it makes me feel. So

Ha ha ha.

Well, the the cream the cream the this cream has been around since for as long as I can remember. And I have looked far and wide to find out who came up with this, who was the first one to say, let's put this this local vasodilator using sildenophil, you the the main ingredient in Viagra to local tissue to see if it helps. So anyway, there's many different ways to formulate this, but I think one of the most important things is sildenophil, which is the Viagra component.

and the L-arginine. L-arginine is amino acid. It's one that is used to increase nitric oxide of the tissues, which then brings, you know, blood flow and and and and so those there are other components that have been tried and used. And so the one I came up with was the one that I commonly use by working with compounding pharmacy, discussing the different, you know, additives, what's better, what's not. I also found that I some of these places.

We'll put in things like peppermint oil or things which are are very especially very irritating to women who have, you know, that are post-menopausal and their tissues are very, you know, irritated. So I we use like an anhydrous base. So it just brings keeps keeps this the the component there and is very soothing to the tissue. and it's just applying it a 15 to 30 minutes before you want to have sex or you want to masturbate, and it just brings blood flow.

Yeah.

to the tissue increases nitric oxide, the L arginine, the celldenophil keeps it is used to keep the nitric oxide longer, they're longer so that that lasts a little bit longer. And you know, it does work for for many women. It you know, it doesn't work for all women, but even women that are not, you know, not orgasming but having that that like that muted orgasm, for instance, you know, as we get older, it's kind of like

Yes.

You know, as you get older, you start to notice your eyes, your eyes, your eyesight's changing a little bit over time. And then all of a sudden you put on these glasses, you're like, my God, this is what I've been missing. You know, it's the same thing with this cream. You don't realize that things have been changing with your orgasm, with your tissue. And then all of a sudden it it's not the way it used to be. You add something like this cream and it can just even you know, boost it, make it a little bit better.

Exactly. And I think you know, and it may have I I was starting to think too, because I think it may have started like when women started trying to use the Viagra they started trying to use their significant other's Viagra. I think this is the one the one s area where, you know, if oral Viagra would work, which it doesn't work for everyone, that this is the one area I think that's been studied that it might benefit a little bit. but I think that, you know,

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Oftentimes you don't know how to dose it or, you know, how you know, how you're gonna take it or you know, it's it's a trial and error for so many patients that I think that it's worth saying that this is topical and it's right at the you know, everyone says they always joke if you if you rub the clitoris

Yeah.

Long enough you're gonna have an orgasm right now.

But but you know, the truth is like this is a medication that's really forcing the va the vessels to open up so that engorgement can happen. So I think that that's where we're seeing

Exactly. I mean w I used to use just even progesterone you know ointment. That was a big thing, you know, maybe twenty years ago. And that was one of my my older partners, he said, you know, you're just giving them something to rub on their on their clitoris, they're gonna have an orgasm anyway. But you know, you're you're convinced it works and patients would say it worked. Was it a placebo thing? Was it the the rubbing it in, you know? But you know

And I can

More yeah. Yeah.

That's how we are in in our field of medicine for women. We have so little research, so little to go on. We've got to do this, you know, let's try this and see if it works kind of thing. And and and hopefully someday somebody will really look at it and study it closer.

Yeah, yes, for sure.

I can tell you as someone, as the patient who used the cream, right? Like it is it is definitely not placebo. Like you put it, I put it on my clitoris and a little bit on my inner lips too. And I can literally feel myself getting engorged. Like I feel I feel myself getting an erection in my and and the warmth and the engorgement.

Well you could see it too, right?

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

And that in itself is arousing and motivating to like, I want to do something with this, you know. I've never quite felt anything like it, you know. And and then, you know, and sometimes, you know, I know you're supposed to only put it on 15 minutes and then have a sexual encounter. Sometimes I'll put it on 15 minutes, then put on another little bit in 15 minutes and then have a sexual encounter. And you it it just heightens the sensitivity.

Yeah, yeah.

Mm.

And you know, I mean, I am not like you guys, a physician, but I can certainly say as a person who used this and then use the mindfulness and all the things I knew, it really works. And before Suzette and I really launched this company with Mojo, I also I had a lot of friends who I told it about. And I would ask both friends on SSRIs and without any dysfunction.

Yeah.

And actually a dear friend of mine who's almost the poster child for post-orgasm, she's been in the New York Times for post-SSRI dysfunction for years. Like I gave everybody a little bit to see their responses. And everybody without fail said it changed something, maybe more arousal, a stronger orgasm. you know, for my friend with

Who's like clitoris is just numb, no feeling. She said, I had some feeling. Did it give her an orgasm? No, because she's like, it's like totally gone, even feeling, but it gave her feeling. And so we just were like, this is like, why are women being denied this option? Is it gonna work for every single person? No, but SSRIs don't work for every person. Like there's, you know, you talked about right.

Not every person gets a side effect either. So like in the same side effect. So yeah, that's great. And tell us a little bit about the educational app that you have.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

So to be honest, we worked really hard to find a partner for this. Like I'm a psychologist and sex therapist who's that's a a sex medicine and mer menopause certified, you know, gynecologist. Like we're not business people, right? So we worked very hard to find, huh? Yeah. Yeah. So we worked really hard to find a good partner and

I know I'm my life. I said story of my life. The business is little Anyway.

Ha ha ha.

Exactly.

without going through the partners that failed story, because we'll keep that off the we'll keep that off the podcast. We'll tell you it is wish the some of the some of the some of the partners that were like, woo, no thank you. but we came across what happened mojo, mo-g o and I think it's mymojo.com is their website. O Jo, my mojo is their website.

Yeah, that's good.

Yeah.

O J O

Yeah, yeah.

So they approached me and they wanted they had been very big in the men's erectile dysfunction space, doing psychosocial treatment for erectile dysfunction very successfully because, like we know, right, for older men a lot of it it's blood flow and you know, the vessels getting, you know, problematic. But for younger men, like twenties, thirties, a lot of it is psychological.

Yeah.

Well, they had a lot of success with psychological treatments for erectile dysfunction. And in fact, the owner of the company, Angus, is very open that this started with him treating his own erectile dysfunction. So they contacted me because they wanted to move in the women's space and they wanted to do some things and they wanted my help with doing psychosocial orgasm.

Yeah.

information for people who've never had an orgasm. And I did do that. So I have some accords with them, but I liked them so much. I said, we want to bring an idea to you. And that is this cream. And they'd never done the medicine stuff before. And they were a little cautious. And in fact, they ran a study on the cream. A little stu they gave like recruited like 15 or 20 women with SSRI induced dysfunction. They paid for them.

Yeah.

Yeah, we are so cl thrilled about that.

get cream from another company. They did pre-post and found, hey, this works. So then they said, yes, we want to do this with you. But they were kind of really brilliant in saying we don't want to just do the medicine like everybody else. And I said that makes sense to me because when I use the medicine, I use mindfulness with it. You know, I use fantasy. I use a vibrator.

Yeah.

And Suzette said, like she didn't just use the cream, she learned she used everything she knew from the field, vibrators, why they were. Mindfulness. Yeah. So we created this product, which is a short course. It's mostly just videos of me and Suzette. You know, Suzette will tell you why this is happening to your body. I will teach you I teach mindfulness.

And Lori's book.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

we talk about vibrators and why they work. We talk about erotica and why that works. So kind of giving women not just the cream to put on, but but the psychological tools and products to and physical products to use with the cream. And in fact, it's still in there it it can be it the cream and the course can be bundled with a subscription to

Dipsia, which is Audio Erotica for Women at a discounted price. And they haven't rolled this part out, but very soon it will be bundled with a vibrator as well, if you want it. So it's really like we talk about, as you both know, the biopsychosocial model, and this is true, like most times women would need to

I know.

get a sex therapist or read a self help book and find a sex therap a sex med physician who knew how to prescribe this cream. And this is like one stop shopping online. You get both. And we're that's what we're most excited about.

Right. Yeah. I think it's an improving access. Yeah.

Yeah, it's so nuanced, I think, you know, having the ability to and you could even try the cream first and say, you know, you don't find that it's working, then there's probably something else that may be going on. And then you can go back and take the course and learn some more to see well how well how else can I improve my sexual response. So it really gives women options where they're not locked into something, but it just truly is no one out there is offering this whole biopsychosocial aspect of your

You know, your orgasm dysfunction.

That's really great. And I think that's really important that we, you know, acknowledge it that there's so many aspects to orgasm function. And I mean it might be nice to talk about the orgasm gap a little bit because I know you guys both speak about this. you know, in terms of, you know, what it is and and and how we can work toward more equitable orgasms, I guess. Yeah.

Orgasm equality. Yeah. So the the orgasm gap is the consistent finding over 30 years of research, like 30 years, that when women and men get it on, the women have fewer orgasms. And I could cite lots of statistics, but I'll cite just the most recent study that came out in 2025. Over 24,000 single individuals in the US, ranging in age from 18 to 90.

Here, here.

And they're comparing how many times when they got it on, they had an orgasm versus their partner. And there's a 22 to 33 percent gap between women and men. And the gap's biggest in hookup sex, it gets smaller in relationship, but it never closes altogether. And a lot of people say, it's our bodies, we're difficult to make orgasm. But no, that's not true because three other gaps show us that. When women are alone, 95%

percent orgasm easily and within four minutes. Why? Because less than one percent of women or masturbate self-pleasure. I'm trying not to use the word masturbate. I just recently learned it means to defile with one's hand. So I am trying to get trying to get rid of that, but it's so automatic, right? So women, most women who self pleasure do 99% touch themselves externally.

Mm.

Dr. Laurie (30:36.732)

So that's why. there's way more orgasms in relationships and hookups. Why the research shows very clearly women in relationships gets more clitoral stimulation, oral sex, et cetera. And the biggest one is women who get it on with women versus men. Like women who get it on with women are not having these problems. The most striking study was bisexual women who hooked up with women and men. So same women.

Right.

Same body. They were asked when your first time hookup partner is a man, how often do you orgasm versus a woman? When their partner was a woman, first time 64%. A man, 7%. Same body. So it shows that the problem isn't our bodies, it's the way we do heterosexual sex, kind of not considering clitoral stimulation just as important as penetration.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Right. And more so pro

Yeah. More so.

Right. And I and the and we learn, well, we don't get any sexual really good sexual education when we're young when we're young people. And when so where do we learn about it? We learn it from TV, from movies, from our friends, and our friends tell don't some always tell us the truth and that you know, I don't know. I mean I'm sure you've had women come in and say that they they can't have orgasms with penetration and you know, you're have to tell them, Well, most women don't.

Or not.

Congratulations.

And they're like, what? You're kidding me? Like congratulations, you're normal. Yeah. So it's you know, it's just that we have not been even and you know, it's like a secondary thing. Pleasure for women is the secondary part, you know, it's we've been we put ourselves always on the back burner, that's the way we are. So it's time that we don't do that anymore. And close that gap.

Yeah, we have to evaluate yeah, I mean why we why we have so many gaps, you know, income if we have pay gaps and or gas because we again we don't advocate for ourselves and we don't we don't value our own pleasure. I think that's what it comes, right? Like

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And in fact, there's I was talking with Suzette about this. well, I wasn't talking with her. I wrote about this. I have a new book coming out, and Suzette edited it for me. She's not only my business partner, she was like my editor. She read the whole thing and fact check it. So she knows about what I'm about to say. But this brand new study came out that I think was so striking. It's they looked at do they asked women, do you pursue your own orgasm?

Well yeah.

During sex, and do you expect your partner to pursue your own or your orgasm? And most lesbian women said, of course. And most heterosexual women said, no, I don't pursue my own orgasm. So we have this orgasm pursuit gap as well. And you know, the tree this is gonna this is turning sex therapy on its head because you know, we used to say, don't try to orgasm, don't put

Yeah.

Yeah.

pressure on it, which is true. Pressure, but pressure and pursuit are different. And we need to start teaching women to actually pursue their orgasm and expect their partners to pursue it. Now that doesn't mean berating yourself or your partner if it doesn't happen, because that's pressure. But it does mean no, like Emily Nagoski says pleasure is the only measure, but it's not because if pleasure was the only measure

Mm. Yeah.

Yeah.

We wouldn't have all these women coming to us upset they can't orgasm. Orgasm is a measure. And we need to help women pursue their own orgasm. And that means getting the clitoral stimulation they need with vibrators, with hands, their own, their partners. And I think this cream can help too because just putting it on, putting it on your clitoris is like it draws attention to this part of your body that needs attention.

Yeah. Yes.

Right.

So I think it's all kind of I get really excited about this pursuit thing 'cause I think it was just it Grace Wetzel was the researcher and I think it was just a brilliant, brilliant insight she had.

That's great actually. And I I think that, you know, you talk about hashtag goals. I mean a goal should be like when you when you're in an account, your goal should be to orgasm so that you can reach for those goals, right? Like so that yeah, you're right. So if you're pursuing it, you actually might do the things that are necessary to get there versus just have a good time. I mean I it's a fine balance, right? Because again, you don't want to pressure people to say like you have to orgasm, but at the same time you want that to be

Right.

Right. But it is a thin balance, but we used to say don't even try, but you know, just have pleasure. But no, you can have pleasure and pursue it without putting pressure. I I wrote on

Yeah.

Right. We're we're taught to focus on everybody else's comfort and pleasure, right? That's how we are. And if we you know, we prioritize our own sexual satisfaction, we're cons you know, we find we figure that's you're find that to be selfish. So we're not, you know, that's we have to change we just have to change that and

Press.

Right. Yes.

Yes.

Change that, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Research shows that when women don't orgasm, they're more concerned about how it made their partner feel than themselves. I mean, it's like we it's It's not about you

It's so true though, like it's okay, you know. What are you? I'm okay.

Or they just fake it so they don't har you know, hurt their feelings, right?

Yeah. Yeah. So no, we should all have goals in life. And one of them should work out so what's up.

Right. Right.

Yeah.

I wrote on Instagram after I read this study, I wrote a little survey. I said, Do you pursue your own orgasm? And my favorite answer was this woman who wrote, Of course I do. Why else am I there?

Having an orgasm.

Yeah. Someone has inside. Yeah. That's awesome. Lori, when is your book coming out?

Good for her. Good for her.

Yeah.

June twenty twenty seven. So like a year. Yeah. I just turned it into the editor and I'm waiting for edits back. Yeah. Yeah. And I st I assume Suzette, you know that Semina has a book coming out. Yeah.

okay.

I mean, so it takes a lot, but huh.

Yes.

No, I have to post about it. I haven't 'cause have the link now for pre-orders. But yeah, it's coming up but it's October sixth. I gotta get some hype. You know, I told you the stuff I was dealing with offline, but like I need to I need to lock in and try to remind people that this book is coming off.

How great.

Yeah, you got you got a lot on your plate right now.

God, Lord help me. Anyway. I think this is all great. Do you guys wanna tell everyone like where they can find this information and how to go about like what's the best how what's the best way to get to to to the mojo the mojo app?

So the best way is, and I'm gonna make sure I give I'm gonna you're gonna hear some clicking because I wanna make sure, absolute sure that I give the right address. and because it's I've done this wrong before. So you're gonna hear some clicking while I get to my yeah, I have. I've given the wrong address out before. Hang on a second.

No

Yeah.

Okay, so dear. okay, I am not able to get to where I need to go. So hang on one second and I will tell you. here you go. So for the course we're talking about, it's it's called Rebuild Your Orgasm. My other course for people who have an orgasm is called Find Your Orgasm, but to

I

get to both go to my mymojo mo g o dot com my emojo my mojo dot com

O J O J

Jacob, emoji.

My mojo.com. Okay, awesome. All right, what so I do this thing at the end of my podcast called my my husband jokes that my listeners are vagilantes. So we do a vagilante verdict, which is like a hot take, or you know, something that you feel like, you know, women should know or do or myth bust. I guess we kind of said it, but

But but like just anything else that might come to mind. well, we've we've covered a lot, right? Your orgasm is important, you should shouldn't orgasm from intercourse. But like the other thing I want to say is like work, like learn to get out of your head during sex. Like instead of thinking, is he having fun? Do I look okay? Do I smell okay? oops, I forgot to return that email. All the things we think.

Yes, yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

About besides yeah, like really practice being in your body in daily life. The next time you brush your teeth, really focus on all the sensations, the the tooth taste, the bristles, the sensation to swallow. And when your mind wanders and it will bring it back to sensation, practice that as much as possible. And when you are having sex, really use it as a time to be in.

Your body not in your head.

Okay. What about uses that?

I think that we need to understand, and I want women to know that sexuality does not expire, that we can be sexual beings that our entire life. Things may change, you may need some, you know, tweaking here or there, some more nurturing, you know, patience. But that that sexual connection is so important throughout our entire lives, and it doesn't expire, you know.

Mm.

There is you know, no universal sexual plan for for every woman. But I just want women to know, because I've had so many women come in in their sixties and seventies and say, I'm not supposed to be having sex now. And I and and I tell them, Yes, you are, and yes, you should, even if it's by yourself. So I just want women to understand it doesn't expire, you know, keep it going. It's such an important part of our life.

I mean, I know. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yes.

Hundred percent. I love when I have like this the the new like mid seventy year old patient come in who is like divorced, found a fifty year old sp significant like fix my vagina. Okay. Let's go. Let's do it. Awesome. Well thank you guys. This has been wonderful. I'm super excited about your new endeavors. and just love everything that you're doing in the women's health space. I love it.

I I love those two. I love those two.

Yeah.

So fun. Thank you.

Well, ditto right back at you and we can't wait for your book to hit the world.

You too. Keep it going.

yes, I'll I'll send you one and you guys can, you know, post about it or something. Once once I get my my life in order. Yeah, anyway. all right, everyone, thanks for joining us today for Guy No Girl Presents Sex, Drugs and Hormones. remember I'm here to educate so you could advocate for yourself. Also remember we talk a lot about our medical advice, but this is not medical advice to you, so please seek your

Yes.

Absolutely. Hundred percent.

We will, we'd love to.

We we're here to med to educate you, but in terms of any medical advice, please seek your own doctor and clinicians for your own help. Thanks again and and join me next week.