Freelance journalist Sheetal Parmar relies on the power of integrity and is also known to be a bit of a cat whisperer. But how does her love of The Terminator fit into all of this?

Hi, I'm Dhruti Shah. And this is my podcast Have You Thought About. I'm a writer, a journalist, a poet, and I love to find out about what interests people are pursuing, especially if them managing to mash them up in lots of unusual ways. And in each edition, I'm going to chat with someone I find particularly interesting and who's been able to put together things in their life or

I've been thinking about integrity a lot over the last, I would say, maybe about three or four years, you know, nobody wakes up and thinks I have integrity. But what you do is you try and lead your life in a way that you think treats other people well, but also you treat yourself well. And that has been much more prevalent in my life over the last three or four years, I have to

Always up for sleeping tips. I'll be honest with you, anything that helps you sleep at night, I don't think isn't necessarily a bad thing. But how long did it take you to get to this point, I guess, of deconstruction, but also being able to be comfortable, uncomfortable with what integrity is?

I was always about questioning why I behaved a certain way and why people around me weren't behaving in a certain way. And I think that overanalysis, let's call it that, to be kind to the other people because I think you can get stuck in this quagmire of, you know, this person is behaving this way towards me, I don't want to know them. I think it's important that you do analyse, or

On that note, it sounds beautiful, it sounds positive. And it definitely sounds like a have you thought about but surely you've come across situations that are conflict, which aren't always easy to work through.

So it's not been an easy road Dhruti. It's not been, 'oh, you know, let's wake up and hey I have integrity, everything's gonna be great and it's all a bed of roses'. It's actually recognising that integrity can pull you in lots of different ways. And I have been pulled in lots of different ways and I've had to make some very, very tough decisions about my life about who I am

talking about integrity, you have to be honest with yourself, it's not been an easy road. There have been times when I've woken up and thought, what the hell am I going to do with my life? Who the hell am I? Have I made the right decision? And I have to say that last question is the one that I'm always able to answer a lot quicker than the others. Because it's almost instant to me that I have

I think those are all valid points. And as you say, we both worked at a big organisation and a big broadcaster, we've now moved on trying out different paths. And a lot of the questions that you're raising are definitely questions that I'm thinking about on a regular basis. And talking to others, it feels like we're very much at a reckoning, but finding that path is not necessarily

Yeah, it's interesting. No one's ever called me a cat whisperer. And you know what I really like it. Often when I talk about my cat, it's almost like it's, you know, people people are not insulting me. But there is this thing of you know, oh, you live with two cats. That must mean that you're a bit of a cat lady and cat ladies always had this like really negative connotation

I used to open the door to her even though I wasn't allowed to open the door, but I knew it was Casey. And I used to feed her. It was like we didn't have dog food. I literally used to feed her like crackers and biscuits and things and, and give her water and and it just, you know what, even now I think about Casey. And it really upsets me that a former family pet, who was loved, literally loved

And for a long time, I didn't have a cat. But again, you know, I always befriended stray cats, I can tell a stray cat they looked at, you know, they're usually they're the desperation for food or for human contact. It's really interesting how they crave it, but they fear it at the same time. Because most pets I mean, I've even had a feral cat who took up home outside my parents front door. And

But why cat?

with loved cat. I think cats were always more besides them, right. So they're much more manageable. I remember having a book. And it was like the stories about kittens, and just these photographs in them. And you know what they would get stuck up ladders, and they couldn't get down. And I just remembered like, they were just gorgeous and beautiful. And that whole thing of you know,

other times when I'm really really upset about something and he will just come and sit next to me somewhere you know, he'll be somewhere right next to me. The other one is the complete lapcat. And this is it. You know he's he's the famous one called sadness because he was a stray and just looked really sad. So the name sort of stuck. But he is an incredibly happy cat. You know, I've kind of

How can you teach a cat to play - don't they have it inherently? Like what what have you done?

They do. When they're strays, they lose that ability because they face so much danger, that they don't have a home, they don't have somewhere that they can run to for safety. The the idea that they're not going to necessarily be fed on this, they get managed to get in somewhere and steal food from somewhere, all of those things make them really frightened of life, especially if

But it feels like there's a lot of lessons for humans as well, in terms of that dedication to play, a lot of us actually forget how to play and we've had such a tough couple of years, that actually does make me think maybe I need to, you know, I am a dog person. But maybe I need to follow the path of Sheetal and the cat. I mean, I mean, that could be her children's book, but that

Cats do, they do like playing. They really do like playing, it's just about finding things that they want to play with. They are that's what I mean, they are so intelligent, you can make them do things, you know, like I trained both of mine to sit. So if I say sit, they sit. And you do it like with dogs. So you know you'd use the same thing - a treat. Both of my cats are rescue

So saying that it just actually reminded me like not so long ago in the news and perhaps we're as less absorbed with the news as we used to be in our previous careers. But in the news, there was a note about coronavirus and the pandemic, a government potential reaction to the pandemic in the early days. And there was a conversation about potentially cat culling came out in some

I read those WhatsApps and I just thought my goodness, it was a moment of realisation that hold on a minute, what if this had happened? And you know, there would have been a major major outcry? I mean, it would have just - people would have been up in arms. You know that there was that potential, could have been that potential that because of this pandemic and how it was

I want to know how the film Terminator makes Sheetal Sheetal?

My favourite film probably of all time, and it's the first one, it's The Terminator from what is it 1984. The original Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Biehn . Linda Hamilton. I saw that film - I know it's an 18 - but I saw it, I think, I was about seven or eight. My brother used to work in a video shop. And he brought home a copy once. And our all my siblings were older than me. So

Although Jaws is misinformation. Just to make everyone clear, Jaws is misinformation; is just pure fiction.

Exactly. I love sharks, and probably on an equal level with Terminator, and I've actually swim with sharks, because I love them so much. So, and no cage. No cage. You know, there's, I think I think that that element of danger, although sharks are real danger, and Terminator is obviously not real danger. But it's that thing of you know, what, how would I be in this situation? If I

kind of encompassed that within our roles. I know I always loved being in dangerous situations through my job because you're semi-protected. But you're also challenging yourself to say I can deal with this, you know, and yeah, so that all comes from the Terminator. How weird. Such a tangent. But I just think you know what, we sometimes we can look at cultural influences, and not see them for what

The wonderful Sheetal Parmar who brings together integrity, cat whispering, and the Terminator. Do you have an interdisciplinary life? Because I'd love to hear from you. Perhaps we can chat on this podcast that goes with my newsletter, which is called heavy thought about can be found via www.dhrutishah.com. Please join me next time - I will be back - for a great conversation with