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Work Life Balance and Getting Out Of Overwhelm
Episode 10225th September 2022 • The Daily Podcast with Jonathan Doyle • Jonathan Doyle
00:00:00 00:18:02

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Does your life ever feel like a crazy blur of intensity and manic activity? Do you ever feel overloaded, overworked or overwhelmed?

In today's episode I am going to lay out a series of important ideas and practical steps you can take to begin to turn things around.

Grab a free copy of my book Bridging the Gap here:

https://go.jonathandoyle.co/btg-pdf

Enquire about booking Jonathan to speak:

https://go.jonathandoyle.co/jd-speak-opt-in

Find out about coaching with Jonathan here:

https://go.jonathandoyle.co/coaching

Jonathan is on Youtube here:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpCYnW4yVdd93N1OTbsxgyw

Karen's MasterClass for Women is here:

https://bit.ly/geniusmasterclasskaren

Transcripts

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Well, Hey everybody, Jonathan Doyle with you.

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Once again, welcome back to the daily podcast as always so good to

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have the pleasure of your company.

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Really enjoy doing these really love the feedback from so many of you.

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So I hope we can as always bring something useful for you today.

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Just one.

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A little bit of encouragement, a good idea that can move your forward wherever

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your day is starting around the world.

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Uh, I am huge on the power of that morning routine.

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The way I get my day underway.

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Little weary.

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Now I've got up at four.

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And, uh, did my morning routine.

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And then, uh, it did about 70 K on the bike this morning.

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And, uh, It feeling it now, but just good to be out there as many of, you

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know, I've got a 255 kilometer race coming up in about six weeks now.

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So juggling that with, uh, with everything else that's going on.

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So I'll keep you posted on how that goes.

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I'm feeling

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At the moment, a few hours to go, people say, how I sort of go to bed

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about seven o'clock most nights.

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But, uh, these sort of routines matter these daily routines that move us

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forward on this journey of growth and development today, friends.

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Just before we jump in, do me a favor, make sure you've subscribed.

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Hit that subscribe button, throw this on your social media feeds.

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It does make a big difference when you share this with friends and family today.

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Uh, what else before I forget?

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Uh, go check out the links as always, there are links to

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get a free copy of my book.

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There are links to book me to speak.

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There are links for coaching with me, and please go and check out Karen's

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master class program for women.

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She runs this phenomenal coaching.

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Uh, service and masterclass program.

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For women's.

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So, uh, go and check that out.

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It's in the show notes there now.

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Let's do this.

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We're gonna talk about work life.

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Balance, almost all of us would resonate with this topic.

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There's not a lot of people listing.

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We're like, well, Jonathan, I get up every day.

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It's all good.

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A little bit of work.

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Everything's just fine.

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Many of us based on the questions you guys have submitted over the last few weeks.

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Uh, very much like that duck on the pond.

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We are calm on the surface, but underneath our little feet.

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Uh, paddling, outrageously fast, trying to keep the momentum, trying to keep

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all the balls in the air, so to speak.

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And it'll also depend upon our stage of life, depending on the stage of life

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you're in, you know, um, Karen and I are in that phase, we still got three

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young kids and all the stuff that we have on our plate it's some days it's

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It's really challenging, really demanding.

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And I know many of you can, um, resonate.

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You can, uh, relate to that sort of challenge, but we're all

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going to be in a different place.

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But I think what we're all driving towards is.

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A sense of balance in life.

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Does it exist?

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I've heard some people say no, I know a one.

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Executive who, uh, I respect has sort of said, look, just

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accept that you can't have it.

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You can have one or the other, but you can't have both.

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I don't know if that's true.

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I think we can approximate things.

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I think we can.

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Uh, really try and structure our lives in ways that, uh, help

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us out a couple of key points.

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This is, um, we are born at a moment in history.

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I've been saying this in most of the recent episodes where we are faced with

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enormous Uh, busy-ness the promises of technology and how it was going to

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liberate us from all sorts of stuff.

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Hasn't quite come to pass.

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So I want to keep reminding us all that.

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If you ever feel overwhelmed, if you ever feel like it's stressful.

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Cut yourself a little bit of slack because you are living.

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At a moment in history where there is a lot of complexity, there

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is a great deal of busy-ness.

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There's a lot of uncertainty in the environments that surround us, you know,

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for, for much of history, you kind of grew up in a, in a smaller community.

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Right.

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And you pretty much stayed in the same place, your entire life.

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And yes, there was problems and yes, there were.

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Wars and different issues that would have happened from time to time.

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But the experience of most people was an experience of predictability and

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stability that the, you know, yesterday.

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You know, and, uh, it looked a lot like today and tomorrow is Like today, right.

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Things just rolled on.

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So be kind to yourself because this is challenging.

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This is a don't beat yourself up.

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If you're finding yourself.

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You know, wondering how you're going to manage it all, but, uh,

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I've got a few things for you.

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First thing always remember whenever we have a difficult circumstance in our

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lives, there are always three options.

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They are leave.

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They are except they are changed.

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You can either leave the situation.

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And that's definitely applicable to what we're going to discuss today.

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There are times when you might need to leave.

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Uh, you can accept it.

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You can say, you know what, this is how it is for now.

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Sometimes we just have to enjoy difficulty and you've got to

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have the wisdom to know that.

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And then of course you can take steps to change.

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It's always want you to keep those three filters in place.

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So as you're looking at your life day to day, as you're weighing up

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options and possibilities, just ask yourself, should I leave?

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Do I accept or do I need to change and trust yourself, but

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it journaling, but a quiet time.

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Go for a walk, give yourself a chance to begin to think about these questions.

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Let them echo in the deep recesses of your very soul.

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There is a wisdom inside you.

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And I think also the God really wants to direct and guide us in our lives as well.

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So put all that stuff together.

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We're going to be just fine, but let's keep those three filters in place.

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Leave except change.

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Next thing you want to talk about his beliefs?

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So one of the issues around overwhelm and whether we accept it, leave it or

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change it will be to do with our beliefs.

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And what I'm pointing at here is I want you to get really good

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at catching yourself in the act.

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Of that internal narrative, the beliefs that you have, and for

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many people trapped in overwhelm.

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You might find that there is a belief in place and the belief is something

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like, well, there's nothing I can do.

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Or it just is this way, or it has to be this way.

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So you might have a lot of debt.

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You might have a huge mortgage and you're trapped in this exhausting work that you

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don't want to do when you're thinking of changing it and you're not happy.

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And you're snapping at people and you're tired.

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Your health might not be great.

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But underneath that will probably be some kind of belief.

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You know, that belief could be, like, I just said it could This is how it

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has to be, or I can't change things.

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And those beliefs.

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Are enormously powerful in the radio interview.

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I just did a few moments ago.

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We were talking about the relationship between beliefs and habits.

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And they asked me what the difference was.

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And I said, well, habits are basically shortcuts.

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They're ways that we reduce the neural load in our lives.

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The way that we kind of just make life easier to navigate.

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But beliefs are what I would say is like a cognitive architecture

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that we impose upon the

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Beliefs.

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So what we believe to be true about reality itself.

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So think about We'll be trapped in overwhelm and your

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belief is I have to stay here.

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It can't be different, or I can't change.

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You're going to find that your habits and behaviors are going to.

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Seek to prove your beliefs.

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Correct.

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So you look for evidence that your beliefs are correct, which

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will keep you stuck in that cycle.

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So.

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The beliefs are essential.

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The beliefs are crucial.

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So take some time.

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If you're trapped in overwhelm burnout, exhaustion.

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Take some time to go.

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What do I believe about this situation and do not self-censor.

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'cause sometimes you'll try to do this and you'll be like, what should

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I believe about this circumstance?

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Because you'll tell yourself all sorts of fairytales.

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Like I can do anything I can overcome.

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I can enjoy.

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Maybe you can't.

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Maybe this will break you.

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If you don't

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So don't write down what you think you should write about your beliefs.

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Write down what you honestly genuinely believe.

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No one has to see it.

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So those beliefs are going to be really, really central.

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And, uh, they can be very diverse, you know, they can be like I've said,

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I've articulated some of the big ones.

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But they can also be like, I must always provide or everything depends

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on me or I can't let people down.

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So there's all these possibilities of what we believe to be true.

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And in terms of beliefs, you want to ask yourself what is helpful?

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You know, It's my belief helping me to flourish in life.

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Is it helping me to love more?

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Is it helped me to grow now again?

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Are there a times when we need to enjoy, so I'm not saying it's all

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about individualism and you know, I want to follow my unicorn and it's

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all going to be how I want it to be.

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But we do want to basically get clear on those, what those beliefs really are.

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And sometimes we may need to endure difficulty.

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Um, the other thing about beliefs that aren't serving us around

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the overwhelm piece will be that they'll usually be fear based.

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So, if you have a belief that says you're a good person, like, you know, there's

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not a lot of downside to that, right?

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There's like, you kind of just go through your life, accepting that you're a

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good person and people will like you, and that things are going to be okay.

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And that belief is not a problem.

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You know, when I get up on stage.

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I used to struggle with nerves, but it all changed when I really began to just

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want to serve people and just contribute.

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So I have a belief that I know that if I get up on stage, I can help people.

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I might be able to have one person I could help 10,000.

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It depends on the day and the content and who's there.

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But my belief is a positive one.

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It makes me feel good about what I do, and it makes me want to serve people.

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So if you're straight, if you're struggling with overwhelm,

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exhaustion and burnout, you want to say, look at those beliefs.

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And the ones that you want to work with are the ones that are fear-based.

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And the fear-based will be well, if I change, there'll be loss.

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Some kind of loss will happen.

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I'll lose my home or my reputation or my significance, or I'll lose

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the respect of people that love me.

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So.

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The ones that you want to work on and the ones that are where the leverage

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is, will be the fear based beliefs.

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Okay.

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Cause that's the stuff on beliefs.

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Now I also want to talk to you about creativity.

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I spoke recently.

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At a big event, I was talking to the.

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You know, lots of people in the audience afterwards and.

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So many people were stuck in the busy-ness and the craziness of their lives, and

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they were trying to solve problems.

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Like how do I get an effect size?

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How do we get time together as a couple?

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How do we do this?

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How do we.

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Find, you know, how do we find time for things we used to enjoy?

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And what I really tried to help them with was.

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Humans are remarkably creative.

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And sometimes we think very uni dimensionally.

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Right?

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So when it comes to overwhelm, it's either like, It's this, or it's this?

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Ah, the do this job or I don't do this job or I have to stay

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here or I don't stay here.

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It's very binary.

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So I want to suggest to you that as you navigate these questions of overwhelm, you

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want to be thinking Creative solutions.

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And again, we're back to the self-censorship piece.

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You want to get the self censorship out of the way you want to go.

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Well, if I could solve this problem, if there were no limits,

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how could I solve this problem?

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What are some crazy things that might actually solve it?

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And you will be surprised.

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That, when it comes to all this stuff around workload

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and busy-ness and overwhelm.

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That creative solutions are quite there.

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I'll give you another example.

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Um, I mentioned this in a recent episode.

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Karen, my wife loves to swim.

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She loves to And when she swims, she feels fantastic.

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She's happy.

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She just absolutely loves it.

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The bio that I love cycling or.

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Training awaits.

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She loves swimming.

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Right?

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So thing.

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And then we all have, you've got your So she has a belief about, and the

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belief is, you know, this is something I love, but she's also got another

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belief, which is, I need to keep, you know, working hard on important

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projects or she'll have a belief that I need to spend more time with the kids.

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Or I have a belief that it's selfish to take an hour or two hours to go and swim.

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So you can you see the belief clash now?

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Karen's a very integrated person, but I'm sure all of us have got

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these kinds of things going on.

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Right.

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Where there's something we want and we believe one thing about But then

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we also believe another thing about it and that's where the tension

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and the stress starts to rise.

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So, what I want to get to is the creative stuff is I would say to

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Karen, Like you've got to swim.

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She goes, oh, I can't.

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No.

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I can't no.

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It was just, I can't today.

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And that was the belief, right?

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And the belief then would drive more stress and I'd say, well, why

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can't you, oh, just this, this, this, and then I would help her.

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And we would together come up with a creative solution.

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I like I'll cover the kids here, here, here, and I'll do this.

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And then you go do that.

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And the other day, It was really interesting because she felt bad that

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she didn't want to go swimming for too long and not be with the kids.

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And I said, why don't you take one of them So she started, she started

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taking my youngest with her and the youngest steps, doors it, and loves it.

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And having time together and swimming when, when right.

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So he was a solution that was always there, but she hadn't for whatever

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reason, found the creative solution.

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So sometimes you need an outside person.

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Hence the coaching thing, you can go and check out the coaching

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links here in the podcast notes.

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But, um, don't rule out creative solutions to overwhelm.

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They might surprise you.

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And there's, so I've just seen this pattern.

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So often people run patterns.

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It's like, I want this, but.

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And the, and the big buck gets in the way, you know, we've all got a big,

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but really, So we've all got big butts.

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We're like, but this but that, but I can't, but I got to belief.

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It's just a belief.

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That's what it is.

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And you've got to critique it and test it and see if there's

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a credit solution or different

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So come back to the swimming thing.

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Karen's belief was I can't, you know, go away from my kids too often

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and do something that I need to do.

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And I'm like, well, here's another belief.

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How about I can model physical activity and health to my

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chart and take them with me.

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It's a different belief.

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And it brings it out a different result through a creative problem solving nexus.

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So I hope that's relevant.

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Just.

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Just get creative.

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Honestly, you would be amazed what you can come up with.

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If you don't self sensor.

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Well, the other thing about overwhelm is.

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The tough conversations piece.

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Many of us are so busy and running at a million miles an hour that

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we don't have often enough.

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The kinds of conversations are going to be extremely helpful

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So those conversations are often with a spouse or with, you know, those in the

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closest relationships to us, they might be with, you know, mentors or therapists

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or counselors, tough conversations.

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You know, where you really put it all out there you say, I am drowning.

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I am overwhelmed.

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There's too much of this.

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I can't cope anymore.

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And you have tough conversations.

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We don't do that often because we tell ourselves that we're way

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too busy, juggling all the balls.

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So we don't have them.

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You know, Uh, the person that sent me this question talked about, you know, workload.

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The tough conversations piece can often come into our careers.

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Like you can.

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You know, sometimes you might have to go to your boss and say, look.

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This isn't working anymore.

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I can't do it.

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I just can't.

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Now that'll be a huge problem for so many of you.

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Why?

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Because you will have a belief.

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And the belief will be something like don't show weakness don't

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seem that you can't cope.

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Don't ever be a problem for anybody.

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All of us are going to be carrying some variation But it's the courage

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that you need, the courage that we can find to have these tough conversations.

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And the belief we keep telling ourselves, we can't have them.

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You know, it's just, it's not worth it.

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It's not worth the stress.

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It's not worth the strain where you're already stressed.

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You're already strained.

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You're already overwhelmed.

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What's the downside here.

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I could lose my job.

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Well, every indicator I see says we've got a super low unemployment.

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You can find something.

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So.

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Summary, what are we talking Who met overwhelming talking about exhaustion

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and busy-ness, we've talked about three options, leave, accept, or change.

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We've talked about the power of your beliefs, and I want

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all of you to start looking at them, catch yourself in the act.

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What am I believing?

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It happens so quickly.

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It is so subtle.

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Most of the time we don't even know we're doing it.

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So check that out.

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Um, look for creative solutions and also consider tough conversations.

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You have one life.

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This is it.

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You're not coming back.

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How much of this life do you want to spend in exhaustion,

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overwhelm burnout and just fatigue?

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How much of it, how much of this do you want to trade?

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How much joy laughter.

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Friendship connection.

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And I'm not creating a bifurcated world of rainbows and unicorns

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and drudgery on the other.

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I'm saying we've got to.

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Find ways to get a balance back that gives us enough life, you know, We can

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believe things for so many years, and I'm just learning as I get older that.

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We've got to trust more.

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We've got to relax into the provision of God more.

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We've just got to do the best we can each day and surrender the rest.

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And it's very easy to say those words.

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It's much more of a discipline to live it, but I'm getting there.

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I'm starting to just go well.

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I spent all these years stressing about this or that, or that problem

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or this issue or this part of the business or this revenue model or this.

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And now I'm like, you know what?

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I'm just going to get up.

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I'm going to be the best spouse and father I can possibly be on any given day.

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I'm going to do better.

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Some days worse, others.

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I'm going to try and put out great content that blesses people I'm going to do.

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The other stuff we do in our business.

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Speaking travel, the online stuff we And I'm going to just going

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to let go and trust a little bit.

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And, um, cause I just know the overwhelm isn't going to help and look,

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last thing, I didn't really mention

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There's a huge relationship for me with the, I guess the, um, the

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exercise Like exercise really does You know, and I do huge amounts, but

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I'm not telling you to do what I do.

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I'm just saying You know, if we're, if we're stressed our

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body, can't tell the difference.

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If we go for a run or a walk or a ride or whatever.

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All our body knows is that, you know, our system is responding

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to external stressors.

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Like it could be weights, whatever.

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And that helps us.

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So don't rule that out either.

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All right.

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There's a lot in that.

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I hope it's a blessing to you.

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Go and check out the show Um, if you want to do some private

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coaching with Karen or me,

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Uh, you can do that.

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Uh, we do a discovery call.

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We talk about where you're stuck, rebuild a little plan together, and then

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we just jump online and it's a really awesome process that just helps you get

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moving in any particular areas to go check out those links to the coaching.

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Um, and you can book me to speak it's all there.

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So God bless everybody.

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Please make sure you've subscribed.

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Don't look at your beliefs let's beat this overwhelm piece my name's

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jonathan doyle and i'm going to have another message for you tomorrow

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