Episode Summary:

This confession follows a driven audio engineer, musician, and studio owner whose life runs on caffeine and energy drinks — until his body simply can’t take it anymore. What starts as a cup of coffee to manage low blood pressure and morning fatigue escalates to two liters of coffee a day and, eventually, to nightly Red Bulls on top of 18‑hour workdays. As financial pressures mount and the studio moves to New York, he stops drinking water altogether, gains weight he doesn’t notice, loses his hair, develops an ulcer, and begins having narcoleptic episodes. His breaking point comes in the back of an ambulance, wired to monitors, as doctors confront him with just how close he is to dying from his lifestyle. Walking away from the business and the city, he ultimately chooses something radical: a smaller, slower life — and his own survival.

What You'll Hear in This Episode

• How a teenager with low blood pressure discovers that morning coffee makes it easier to get out of bed — and how that habit quietly extends into college and professional life.
• The rise of his music career: band gigs, audio engineering studies, studio work, and getting offered an in‑house producer role that demands long days and even longer nights.
• The move from “a few cups” to nearly two liters of coffee a day as he and his brother take over the studio and face huge monthly expenses.
• The decision to bring energy drinks — especially Red Bull — into the mix during a period of 18‑hour workdays, no days off, and mounting financial panic.
• The physical signals he misses or ignores: rapid weight gain, only an hour of sleep each night, hair loss, an ulcer, and episodes of suddenly falling asleep (narcolepsy) at inappropriate times.
• The critical doctor’s visit that leads to an immediate ambulance ride, sky‑high blood pressure, and heart monitoring that shocks even the medical team.
• The brutal caffeine detox in the hospital: violent shakes, wild fluctuations in temperature and blood pressure, sleeplessness followed by multi‑day crash sleep — and doctors afraid to medicate him because of how much caffeine is in his system.
• His choice to leave New York, the studio, and the grind — returning home to a quieter life as a freelance writer, a husband, and a father who refuses “yesterday” deadlines.

Key Takeaways

• Caffeine dependence often hides behind ambition, hustle culture, and financial pressure, making extreme stimulant use feel “necessary” or even admirable.
• Adding energy drinks to an already high coffee intake can push the cardiovascular system past its safe limits, especially under chronic sleep deprivation and stress.
• The symptoms of overload — weight changes, hair loss, ulcers, narcolepsy, mood changes — can appear gradually and be easy to dismiss until there’s a crisis.
• Detoxing from extreme caffeine use can be medically serious and may require supervised care, especially when heart function and blood pressure are involved.
• Sometimes choosing life means walking away from a career or identity that made stimulant abuse feel unavoidable — and rebuilding around rest, boundaries, and genuine health.

Who Should Listen

• Entrepreneurs, creatives, and small business owners who live on coffee and energy drinks to sustain long workdays and tight deadlines.
• Musicians, producers, and people in entertainment who normalize all‑nighters, gig-to-gig living, and constant stimulation.
• Anyone experiencing narcolepsy-like episodes, extreme sleep loss, or ulcer symptoms while heavily using caffeine and energy drinks.
• People who suspect their “hustle” is costing them their health but feel too trapped by bills or expectations to slow down.
• Listeners who need to hear that it’s possible to step off the fast track, even if it means choosing a completely different life.

Resources & Links

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📖 Confessions of a Caffeine Addict by Marina Kushner

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I have chosen life. For most of my life, I had low blood pressure.

It didn't cause any problems during my childhood, but in my teenage years, I began to have trouble getting up in the morning. At some point, I started drinking a cup of coffee and it seemed to help.

I woke up in the morning, I turned on the coffee machine, got into the shower, and a few minutes later drank my coffee with breakfast. By the time I was on my way to school, I was up and running.

Later, when work and study became more arduous, especially during college, I began to experience an afternoon slump in my performance. I figured that my blood pressure dropped after lunch and that this problem could be fixed by drinking another cup of coffee. Again, it seemed to work.

I continued my studies in audio engineering and simultaneously took piano, guitar and singing lessons. Soon I formed a band where I played guitar and was the singer. Band was quite popular and we were booked for many school events.

Our success led to opportunities outside of school and we started playing all over the city, whenever and wherever we could get a gig. Our growing success as a band led to a lucrative set of national gigs provided by a professional booking agency.

Once we were booked for a Halloween party for a group of US military personnel. Over 2,000 people were expected to attend. This was a major gig for an unsigned band. The morning before, I woke up with severe stomach flu.

That day was horrible. I ate nothing and only managed to drink some tea, which I regurgitated soon after.

I thought I could recover and still perform, but the band was very concerned. I did recover a little by the next afternoon and made the trip, but I was weak and dehydrated.

The possibility of me doing a show that was expected to run well into the morning hours was slow. I figured that energy drinks would help me make it through the night. I bought a box of Red Bull and drank three cans before the gig.

The rest of them were neatly positioned so that I could grab one at my leisure. That night, I went through half the box of Red Bulls. The concert was a success and everyone was happy.

I felt great until the effect of the drinks wore off. I remember walking into my house feeling drowsy and tired, taking a quick shower and going to bed.

Two days later, I woke up with a doctor checking me and my family in the bench, staring at me with concerned faces. They believed I was in a coma because I was knocked out cold for two days. My stomach flu had gotten worse and my body temperature had gone haywire.

I ended up in the hospital with drips attached to my veins and monitors beeping just like in the movies. The doctor thought I might develop ill effects from my energy drink binge and my subsequent weakened state.

Luckily, I was young and in very good condition. So. So after a couple of days, I left the hospital.

I did not think that my daily coffee intake would harm me or that Red Bull abuse would haunt me again. I continued with my studies, music school, band practices, and occasional dates with girls I'd fancied.

As I approached the end of my studies, I went to work part time in a recording studio where I could employ my knowledge firsthand in an environment that I loved. The studio owner instantly liked me and offered me work as the in house producer. I loved the challenge and did not mind the extended hours.

However, with my hectic schedule, my sleeping habits had to change. What I could not manage to do during regular work hours, I did at night. Although I was young and in my prime, this race started to wear me out.

I started compensating for the lack of sleep by taking large doses of caffeine and and without recognizing it, substituting coffee for water. I did not think much of it. Everyone in the studio was gulping almost as much coffee as I did, so I saw no harm in it.

When I did not drink coffee, I drank soft drinks. The work continued. I finished my studies and dedicated myself to working full time in the studio. My band went through several changes as well.

Some members went into the military, Others got married or changed interests. Like life happens and people move on. Some of our studio projects became quite popular and money started pouring in. The studio was booked solid.

Many of our clients requested me as a producer because I was responsible for most of the successful projects. My schedule got busier. My social life was reduced to hanging out in the studio's lounge.

I was unable to land dates with girls that were not in the business. Some of the girls I met at our gigs led to short term romances, but nothing serious.

Years passed and the studio owner decided to call it quits, retire and sell the business to me and my brother who was also an audio engineer. We were ecstatic. The business grew and became very popular. We worked with almost everyone working in the industry in our vicinity.

As time went on, serious investments became necessary to keep up with the digital revolution. We decided to move the studio to New York City. We felt that we could be successful there as well.

By the time we moved, I was drinking about 2 liters of coffee each day. I worked 14 to 16 hours a day because the rent and power in New York City was more expensive. We needed to earn $25,000 a month just to break even.

Business was tough, prices were plummeting and we were in a frenzy. The more time passed, the rougher it got. Some people did not pay, others did not pay on time. Money was tight and our workload got bigger.

Although we had an attorney and retainer to compensate for losses and delays in payments, we needed to work even more hours. You know what they say. The mind is willing, but the body is weak. I was no longer a kid who could run on two cups of coffee each day.

The two liters of coffee I drank felt just like water. After two weeks of 18 hour work days, I felt like a train had just run over me. I could no longer do it. Evenings became problematic.

I remembered how I drank Red Bulls when I was sick.

I decided that I would use Red Bull for a week or two until we rebounded, or until the money from our delinquent payers came in, or perhaps until I could shorten my workday or hire an additional engineer. The moment when I would finally earn enough money to reduce my workload never came.

Just like a drug addict, I was convinced that I could stop at any time. It started with one Red Bull in the evening, when I had my first crisis. The amount of Red Bulls I drank in the evening increased.

I abolished water and drank only coffee and soft drinks. I gained 20 pounds and did not even notice. There is no way you can drink such an excessive amount of caffeine and not be affected.

I developed insomnia and almost never slept. I managed to accumulate only about an hour of sleep a night.

The stress and mismanagement of my body added 10 more pounds to the 20 pounds I'd already gained. I lost most of my hair and developed an ulcer. I was unable to recognize the reasons for my problems.

I was only thinking about the next bill and the next client, the next check and similar issues. It did not stop there. After a little while, my body could not work like this any longer.

Besides insomnia, which was definitely caffeine induced, I developed a weird form of narcolepsy where I fell asleep for a few minutes at the most inappropriate moments. Since my brother did not work as much as I did, we managed to hire someone else. I finally decided to seek help.

Still oblivious that most of my problems were because of an excessive caffeine intake. I went to the doctor's office and the doctor looked at me as if I were a vampire. I had not seen the sun in about a year and was very pale.

He checked my blood pressure first. And was astonished to find that it was through the roof. He immediately connected a heart monitor and discovered an elevated heart rate.

Five minutes later, I was in an ambulance. I was happy to see the world for a change, even through an ambulance window.

I had not been out much lately and was making jokes and pointing out several buildings I had never seen before. The concerned look on the face of the doctor led me to believe that he thought I was hallucinating.

When I had one of my narcoleptic attacks right there in the ambulance, he thought I'd had a heart attack. My snoring shocked him just as much as my reawakening a minute later.

Continuing with the sentence where I left off, I'm ashamed to admit that I had to detox like a common drug user. I went cold turkey and had the shakes, shivers, temperature drops and rises and blood pressure fluctuations. It was terrible.

I was connected to machines and was still unable to sleep. The doctors did not dare give me anything to help me sleep. They were afraid it might kill me.

I was told that they had never witnessed such a high amount of caffeine in anyone's bloodstream, and I laughed and said they were ridiculous. Four days later, I passed out.

I was asleep for three days, with short waking moments to go to the bathroom and drink a little water, which tasted wonderful. I was still on an intravenous drip and even spent one day in the shock room, which I don't recall. I felt weak, hungry and tired.

I continued sleeping for days, but with wake times that were constantly increasing. I lost a little bit of weight, although not nearly enough to feel better. I felt slow, drowsy, depressed and useless.

I had my ulcer examined, which turned out to be in better shape than I had feared. When this whole breakdown happened, I was 35. Luckily, my metabolism was strong enough to let me rebound and recover.

The worst was yet to come, but it had nothing to do with caffeine. A few doctors, along with a shrink, approached me one day and explained that if I continued like this, I would not survive.

The shrink stayed and we had a long talk. Turned out psychotherapy was part of the treatment. I saw him daily and he instructed me on how to deal with the consequences of my abuse.

I was not only a caffeine addict, I was a workaholic as well. I would have to tread much lighter. I needed an extensive recovery time. There was no alternative treatment. My brother hired more people to replace me.

He was not working as an engineer at all, but as a supervisor, and the facility was open 24 7. Somehow I did not care anymore. I went home to my parents and decided to take the doctor's advice.

Interestingly enough, the more time passed, the less inclined I was to return to New York City and continue working. I loved my newfound freedom. I loved the spare time, the sleep and the take it easy routine. I found a mellow job completely outside my branch of work.

I started writing as a freelancer. The money is not great, but I can work from home and don't have to rush or stress out about anything.

I now refuse jobs where I have a yesterday deadline. I settled down, got married and had a son who is now three years old.

If I had decided to remain in that vicious cycle in New York, none of this would have happened. I am leading a peaceful life and I watch what I eat because of my ulcer. I'm taking my medication and avoiding stress.

Some of my hair has even grown back. I do not inquire about the business in New York anymore. My brother's still angry with me for abandoning ship, but I can't help it. I have chosen life.