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43 - JULIE DELUCCA-COLLINS - Overcoming Sabotage
19th December 2022 • Her Empowered Divorce • Beverly Price
00:00:00 00:45:48

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Do you have sabotaging behaviors? Do you self-sabotage your success? Do you show up confidently in your own life?

These are the questions and more that Julie DeLucca-Collins and I answer in this episode of the Her Self Expression podcast. Julie discusses how we can use ‘Tiny Habits’ and our mindset to overcome the sabotaging behaviors that prevent us from confidently showing up in our life. She wants all women to know that consistent action and support can allow them to become the Confident CEO of their life and business.

HERE ARE 3 TIPS TO HELP YOU ON YOUR ROAD TO SELF-EMPOWERMENT

  1. Think of what it is that you aspire to do.
  2. Find that anchor moment, create the behavior and celebrate it.
  3. Practice true gratitude.

CONNECT WITH JULIE DELUCCA-COLLINS

ARE YOU OR IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW CARRYING THE HEAVY EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE OF A DIVORCE? A WOMAN’S EMPOWERMENT JOURNEY CAN BE STOPPED DEAD IN ITS TRACKS BY DIVORCE, BUT THERE IS A SOLUTION. IT IS POSSIBLE TO TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE AND START YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL RECOVERY.  I WAS ABLE TO, AND YOU CAN TOO!

Curious to know where you are? To know what the answer is, you have to find the place to begin. Your first step is to assess where you are.

Use this free tool to find out where you are and what’s holding you back from a new and exciting life after divorce. 

Click here: https://herselfexpression.com/divorce-recovery-program-1/#DRQuiz

Empowerment should be a goal for all women, not just those who have been through divorce. The Her Self Expression Podcast provides critical information and actionable steps to help you on your journey, whether you’ve been divorced or not. 

In addition to this episode, you can listen to all of our episodes at https://herselfexpression.com/podcast

JOIN THESE TWO COMMUNITIES ON FACEBOOK AND LINKEDIN TO FIND OTHER WOMEN WHO YOU CAN CONNECT WITH, SHARE, AND GROW TOGETHER, 

Her Self Expression Sisterhood on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/groups/herselfexpressionsisterhood

Her Self Expression Network on LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/groups/14119012/

WANT TO CONNECT WITH BEVERLY PRICE FOR A PATH TO A BETTER LIFE? 

Transcripts

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[00:00:25] Intro/Outro: If you'd like to move from self-loathing to self-love, as Beverly did, stay tuned for today's episode that is Sure to help you take on the world. And now here's Beverly. Enjoy the show. 


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[00:00:50] Beverly Price: Most women struggle with their self-image and self-confidence. Her self-expression provides knowledge, support, and insight to help women on their life journey to self-empowerment, on the inside and out so they can confidently and successfully take on the world. Today, I have these questions for you to consider. Do you have sabotaging behaviors? Do you self-sabotage your success? Do you show up confidently in your own life? Well, my guest today is Julie DeLucca-Collins, a business and life strategy coach, speaker, and author. She's going to talk with me today about how we can use tiny habits and our mindset to overcome the sabotaging behaviors that prevent us from confidently showing up in our life. 


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[00:02:18] Beverly Price: Confident you featured on a Global Talk radio network. As a business and life strategist, coach Julie helps women, business owners launch or grow their businesses, get clients be productive and achieve their dreams. Julie helps her clients create simple habits to achieve goals and change lives. Julie is also a bestselling author of the newly released book, Confident You - Simple habits to live the life you've imagined. She's a sought after public speaker, trainer and course creator. She is certified as a coach in cognitive behavioral techniques, holistic coaching and tiny habits. She is also certified boy, get this social emotional learning facilitator that's a mouthful and has completed her 200 hour yoga teacher Certification. 


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[00:03:46] Beverly Price: And Simba, if you want to feel empowered, stop sabotaging yourself and confidently move forward, then listen to our conversation. Hi Julie. Thank you so much for being my guest today. It's so good to have you here and I'm so looking forward to your topic. 


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[00:04:14] Julie DeLucca-Collins: I don't know. Maybe we shouldn't submit that to people anymore. That's too much. But isn't that how we work as women? We, we want to diminish who we are at times because we think it's too much. But I, I'm gonna own it. Sometimes I'm, I'm gonna take up space. . 


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[00:04:50] Beverly Price: I think, I think you can see both sides 


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[00:05:13] Julie DeLucca-Collins: We are worthy. So, so good. And again, thank you so much for having me on the show. I've been looking forward to this. Oh, you're so 


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[00:05:31] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Sure. You know, I started, like many women, I started and I decided I was going to be a teacher. 


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[00:05:59] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Mm-hmm. and I work, I, I love the kids and my students and I happen to. be at the right place at the right time. I was hired by an educational company. Mm-hmm. and I started to grow through the ranks of the educational company. I started to grow through the ranks in which I was working in as a center director. 


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[00:06:42] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Later on, I eventually reached the executive. Team of the company and I was definitely fortunate to have had some great experience mentors, training. I became very well versed in mm-hmm. , running a business, growing a business, and going from someone who was just part of a team to actually leading a team and doing so very well. 


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[00:07:32] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Beautiful. It was a great ride. I was there for 12 years. Mm-hmm. . I also had experience in speaking at national conferences and training and a lot of different things, but certainly there was a passion for being able to support other women. Throughout my career as a boss, as a leader, as a mentor, I found a lot of women that would say, oh, I wish I could do what you're doing. 


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[00:08:25] Julie DeLucca-Collins: And sometimes we need to just be able to have that. I also, this is one of the reasons I got the training and cognitive behavioral techniques because as a cognitive behavioral techniques coach, we are able to then identify what are the thoughts. that are driving the emotions that are then creating the actions that get us the results that we have in our lives. 


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[00:09:14] Julie DeLucca-Collins: and I become very angry and then I start driving a little more, you know, tense than my result is gonna be that my drive is gonna be not a very pleasant one. . Sure. So a, again, there's so many indifferent instances in which what we're thinking also, maybe, you know, someone says something to us and we. . Ooh, that person is mad at me. 


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[00:09:59] Julie DeLucca-Collins: typically, that's who I like to work with the most. Mm-hmm. , this is something very common and it's something that trips us up and it keeps us from finding the success and it keeps us from being able to be the best version of ourselves. . 


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[00:10:23] Beverly Price: Other women didn't support, other women didn't want them to grow. . Mm-hmm. . Now I believe in the theory of abundance that there is so much for all of us. Yeah. But what do you think is the key to the empowerment journey of a woman? 


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[00:10:53] Julie DeLucca-Collins: and, and I've, I've been able to go back and, and look at this in a very neutral manner. I, at the beginning of my career when I felt myself competing and I felt myself not being enough, I was not a very supportive boss to the first people that, oh, me too. That were my subordinates. And that was part of that sabotaging behavior from thinking that I needed to be competitive, that I needed to be something else. 


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[00:11:57] Julie DeLucca-Collins: It allows you to move on to the next place in. I think that for many women, when we start to realize that we work better together, the African proverb says, if you wanna go fast, go alone. If you, if you wanna go far, Go together. And I think that this is a lot of what we're seeing, that it's not about competition, but it's really about the collaboration that allows us to show up, allows us to showcase who we are. 


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[00:12:52] Beverly Price: Yes. I so agree. I think that there's, there's not one solution to everyone's personality and need. Mm-hmm. . And I think that different people have expertise in different areas and different strengths. Yeah. So if someone comes to me and. has a particular issue that I'm not skilled at. I can refer them to somebody I know, and that's one of the things I'm so passionate about building a network of strong women. 


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[00:13:42] Julie DeLucca-Collins: I, I do see it in some ways. I think that the, the. The mentality has changed somewhat and, and, and a lot actually in, in the corporate environment. 


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[00:14:16] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Mm-hmm. , but what I'm seeing now and, and. I am so fortunate in Connecticut where I live, I am involved in a non-for-profit organization, United Way, and we have a great affinity group of strong, independent, intelligent women and. Many walks of life, many corporate careers, but we really love to collaborate and help to support and en and and enrich each other by mm-hmm. 


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[00:14:59] Beverly Price: Absolutely. And kind of on a side note to that, I created two different support groups. 


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[00:15:31] Julie DeLucca-Collins: So good. 


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[00:15:55] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Mm-hmm. I love the picture of that as well, because it reminds me of the. Traveling pan sisterhood, the where we kind of link arms together and move forward, right? And we were gonna go above and beyond for those sisters. So that's so such great environment. And for anyone who's not in your community, I'm going to encourage you to go and sign up and get together and link arms and find the right network of people who can be there in this journey, because we can't do it alone. 


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[00:16:32] Beverly Price: think Covid kind of exasperated that when it created this feeling of aloneness. Yeah. As 


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[00:16:55] Julie DeLucca-Collins: So my goal is to try to make the meaningful interactions with people that it is something that, it's not just a passing, Hey, how are you? Or, oh, nice to see you and talk to you online, but it's really mm-hmm. diving a little deeper because that's what we all crave as human beings. You know, we talk about Maslow's hierarchy of. 


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[00:17:28] Beverly Price: So true. So you have a concept called tiny habits, and what is that and how do you use it to lead to product? 


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[00:17:44] Julie DeLucca-Collins: It is not my concept at all. It is actually. Tiny Habits is something. It is a book number one. You can get the book anywhere online. It is written by Dr. BJ Fogg. and Dr. Fog is one of the world's leading researchers when it comes to habits. He is the founder of the Stanford University Behavioral Lab. 


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[00:18:28] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Oh, okay. And the way that Tiny Habits, the framework is that research, and again, Dr. Fogg has done all this research for all his career, is that behavior change and your brain changes when you feel. and think about when we do something and maybe we don't measure up or we mess up, or we started this new habit of going to the gym in January 1st and we're all gonna go all in, and then all of a sudden we don't go, and then we feel bad, and then we don't go and we feel bad or it's terrible and we lose our motivation and then we stop going and we can't get the habit going. 


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[00:19:21] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Then also our brain was like, yeah, you're right. We can't do it. And then a give up. So, and that's how we sabotage ourselves. So the concept of tiny habits is that your behavior right, is going to be something that you can create as long as you can automate it. Our brains, our program to automate most everything that we do, right? 


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[00:20:04] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Mm-hmm. . And when I put 'em back, , I put the moisturizer bottle typically where the soap goes, . So all day today, when I'm washing my hands, I'm moisturizing them first and I'm thinking, oh, and it's such automation. It's an easy automation that we're doing. Like I just go directly to where it is. It's, it's a sign, right? 


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[00:20:52] Julie DeLucca-Collins: And sometimes we go big or go home, but that is a detriment because it sabotages us, because our brain is relying on motivation to do that. So I'll give you an example. As a business and life strategy coach, many of my clients are working through productivity. They wanna have a habit of being more productive when it comes to their time. 


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[00:21:34] Julie DeLucca-Collins: What all I'm asking them to do is the tiny behavior of opening up their calendar. And then here is the key where you make your brains feel good. You celebrate that, you sell, oh, I opened my calendar. That's was all I was trying to do. And then what happens is your brain starts to wire that behavior in because it's paired up with another. 


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[00:22:22] Julie DeLucca-Collins: So at the end of the day, you can go back and say, oh, I was successful. I put my gym shoes on. If you went for your walk, that's a bonus. , but you're always going for that low-hanging fruit of at least achieving that one thing, and then you are always successful, which allows you to then keep showing up, keep growing your habit, and letting that gra habit grow like a plant. 


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[00:22:59] Beverly Price: Now. I think that a number of women suffer from fear of success. Mm-hmm. and fear of failure. That can kind of set them up. Mm-hmm. , what do you suggest that they do to combat those fears or to turn those fears into something more positive? 


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[00:23:47] Julie DeLucca-Collins: In yourself, in your conditions, in others, in the circumstances. And we have this programming that is always running in the background for us. So when we have this fear of success or this fear of failure, we typically have this saboteur. running in mm-hmm. in the program, in the background and saying, oh, you don't wanna be successful because, you know what, if you can't measure up or you have that imposter syndrome that starts to wear up, or in the, in, in the flip side of the coin, oh, who are you to, to do this? 


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[00:24:44] Julie DeLucca-Collins: is. O often looking for the pleasant stuff, but not the unpleasant stuff and avoids the difficult task, right? You also have the controller saboteur, the ones that is basically needs to take charge. And if you're not in control then forget it, it's not for you. You're also have your hyper achiever. Oh, hello. 


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[00:25:23] Julie DeLucca-Collins: You have, yes, your pleaser. This is I would say a very common saboteur for many women. The pleaser, the one that always compels you to say yes, even if it's at your own detriment. And it's always telling you that you have to, you know, you are gonna be defined by the no that you're saying to someone, so you better say yes. 


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[00:26:03] Julie DeLucca-Collins: The stickler says this is how it's done. This is how we are gonna do it. It can't be done any other way, and you take things too far and it makes you and others around you really anxious and uptight. And last, but at least we have your victim. and the victim is like, whoa is me. Everything is happening for me. 


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[00:26:42] Julie DeLucca-Collins: This is from the positive intelligence, the mental fitness program that I also incorporate into the coaching that I do with my clients and. really being able to identify who your saboteurs are and understanding mm-hmm. . So for me, a hyper achiever or the restless, right, because I, the restless saboteur is another big one for me. 


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[00:27:25] Julie DeLucca-Collins: But it's very important to be able to be aware of that so that you understand and you start to normalize when your judge is saying to you, you're not good enough, you'll never make it. Who are you to think you can do that? Or This has to be just right or it's not gonna work. These things. When you become aware of that, then you are able to say, oh, I hear you saboteur. 


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[00:28:24] Julie DeLucca-Collins: right? Mm-hmm. is able to also innovate, create, have gratitude toward the circumstances, and that's what's gonna help you stop sabotaging yourself and stick to those tiny habits that will help you grow. 


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[00:28:50] Beverly Price: Versus absolutely many of the programs I've gone to. You get real excited about it. You come home from it, you're eager to implement, and then about two to three weeks later, you're right back to the same old behavior. Absolutely. So I, I really love 


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[00:29:11] Julie DeLucca-Collins: And it's creating your ability to again, learn the tools. that it's not just, okay, this is a fad and it goes away, but it's something that you can use in moments to feel peaceful more in the moment and aware and find the gifts that every situation has. 


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[00:29:38] Beverly Price: Everyone, please stay tuned and we'll be right back in a moment when Julie will share her three actionable tips to help you find perspective and create change. We'll be right back. 


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[00:31:21] Beverly Price: and we're back. So Julie, what three actionable steps would you give to the woman in our audience about habits and productivity? 


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[00:31:54] Julie DeLucca-Collins: What is your aspiration? For instance, I'll give you an example again, for my life. , I want to be able to drink more water every day. That was my aspiration. , but what I was finding is that I would fill out my water bottle and I wouldn't get through it, or I, we even wouldn't fill out the water bottle cuz I would think, oh my God, it's got, it's gonna be so much, it's so overwhelming to drink my water. 


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[00:32:33] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Yeah. So my recipe for drinking my water, my tiny habit recipe is when I let my dogs out. , I fill up my water bottle because the door where I let them out is next to the sink in my house. Okay? So it'd be, and, and all I am doing is filling up the water bottle. I am not drinking the water. I am not doing anything else other than filling it up. 


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[00:33:14] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Just think of that and do that quick action, and that's counts for your celebration. And once you celebrate radio, that it becomes an automation for you. So that's the first thing. You don't have to fill up your water bottle, but think of what is it that you aspire to do, number one. Number two. Find that anchor moment, create the behavior and celebrate it. 


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[00:34:05] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Are you living in the gap of life or are you living in the gain? So for instance, when I started my business, when I, when I left corporate America, I started my business, oh my gosh. I wanted to be at, you know, half a million dollar salary right away. like, right, let's make half a million dollar in this business. 


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[00:34:58] Julie DeLucca-Collins: You're gonna say all the things that you're programmed to say to yourself, right? I'm not good enough. I'll never make it. I'm this. However, living in the gain is knowing like, Hey, when I started I didn't have any clients. And today, I have a handful or 10 clients, or 20 clients, or let's talk about weight loss, right? 


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[00:35:47] Julie DeLucca-Collins: So live in the gap, in the gain because that's gonna help your mindset. Your brain is going to continue to change if it's feeling good. And for as long as you're living in that gap, you are never gonna be able to create the behavior and the movement forward to your goals and dreams. So that is my second. 


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[00:36:32] Julie DeLucca-Collins: I want you to look around and say, wow. I am so grateful for, but think about the different things that are so minuscule because we take for granted so many different things we take for granted. All of the things that are outside of ourselves, and an attitude of gratitude is something that can keep you grounded. 


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[00:37:17] Julie DeLucca-Collins: I often refer to my. . Mm-hmm. not my to-do list, but my to do list. I usually say, you know, I'm so grateful for the things that I was able to do. I was able to talk to Beverly today. I also spoke to my friend Brendan. Today. I worked with X, Y, Z client. So whatever it is, find the things that you're grateful for. 


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[00:37:59] Beverly Price: Beautiful. I, I actually believe that gratitude is the foundation of women's empowerment and the foundation of positive thinking because I don't think you can be thinking negative while you're practicing gratitude. Absolutely. And I encourage my clients on their to-do list, to list three things they're grateful for every. 


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[00:38:27] Julie DeLucca-Collins: wise that you let them do that. Yeah. It's so, it's so foundational and, and brain science will tell you again, happiness is not about what we accumulate. , but it's about knowing that, you know, there's always a gift in the circumstances and the people and the relationships and that can help us move forward. 


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[00:39:21] Beverly Price: Absolutely. So, and thank you for those tips. So how do you think taking these tips, using these tips impacts a woman's journey from self-expression to confidence and self-empowerment? . 


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[00:39:51] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Mm-hmm. is about knowing that no matter where we are in the journey we showed. That we are still like Brene Brown talks about being in the ring and mm-hmm. , you know, we avoid being in the ring at times. We avoid showing up, but knowing that we are coming in, in that mindset, right, the habits, when you, when everything, because you're not gonna be able to control everything around you. 


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[00:40:44] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Think about a boxing ring. Fear and confidence are. , right? And when fear and confidence are fighting, and you are right the person in the middle of the ring, just remind yourself that in order for confidence to win, You have to tell yourself, I, I'm gonna feel the fear and fight it, but I'm gonna go anyway because this is how I wanna feel at the end of that battle. 


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[00:41:21] Beverly Price: Beautiful. I, I love the fact that you brought up showing. . I always think of it as I wanna be a participant in life rather than an observer and mm-hmm. 


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[00:41:37] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Yeah. And sometimes people don't show up because of fear. And that's the first, the first step. It's acknowledged that, you know what we're gonna feel fear anyway. Our brain is programmed to feel the fear, but show up. Even if you decide you're going to show up it, it's gonna make a difference and that's gonna increase your. 


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[00:42:01] Julie DeLucca-Collins: Yeah, absolutely. So I am Julie DeLucca-Collins, and that's DeLuca with two C and all of the platforms. So you, you can find me on TikTok. I don't dance, but I talk on TikTok, . You can find me on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest Twitter is probably not where you're gonna find me. 


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[00:42:37] Julie DeLucca-Collins: It's free, it's five minutes a day, and we don't try to sell you anything, but if you just wanna learn the framework, you're going to have myself and Dr. BJ Fogg help you walk you through the process in five days. And again, it takes five minutes a day. If you go to go confidently coaching.com/quicklinks, you can sign up there for. 


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[00:43:04] Beverly Price: And I encourage everybody to go there and find Julie. Julie, thank you so much for being my guest today. I've really enjoyed our time Together, all of Julie's information will be available in the show notes to the podcast. 


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[00:43:22] Beverly Price: Oh, sure. 


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[00:43:51] Beverly Price: and empowerment. I'd love connecting you with incredible women that can provide actionable steps for you to take on your journey. You can find our podcast through links at Apple, Spotify, Google, Podopolo, and more. So please download the episode and share it with your friends so we can help other women and bring you even more interesting topics and more impactful guests. 


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[00:44:41] Beverly Price: Thank you and take care. 


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[00:45:12] Intro/Outro: Invite your friends. When you download and subscribe to our podcast on Apple, Spotify, or other podcast services, be sure to leave us a review and tell your friends to download it too so we can continue to help others. You can also subscribe to our YouTube channel, and remember, self-expression doesn't have to be a mystery. 


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