On today's episode, Tiffany Grant is joined by Nikki Tucker, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), to discuss common financial mistakes to avoid during a divorce. Having recently gone through a divorce herself, Tiffany finds Nikki’s insights timely and invaluable. Together, they explore vital points such as the importance of organization, balancing reliance on attorneys, and understanding your financial position post-divorce.

Check out the full show notes here: https://moneytalkwitht.com/podcast-show-notes/navigate-divorce-finances/

About our Guest

Nikki Tucker, a Speaker and founder of The FIIRM Approach, is known as a problem solver since her experience and her time involves helping women strategically exiting their marriage and work on their new financial life post-divorce, as a Personal Financial Strategist.

As a 20+ year financial professional, she firmly believes that all women deserve financial security and she enjoys teaching new ideas about money, and reinforcing sound ones. Nikki finds joy in connecting her clients to great resources to help them gain clarity, confidence and control of their finances through live workshops and digital resources.

Connect with Nikki

Website: https://thefiirmapproach.com/

Instagram: @thefiirmapproach

Facebook: The Fiirm Approach

Connect with Tiffany

Website: https://www.moneytalkwitht.com

Facebook: Money Talk With Tiff

Twitter: @moneytalkwitht

Instagram: @moneytalkwitht

LinkedIn: Tiffany Grant

YouTube: Money Talk With Tiff

Pinterest: @moneytalkwitht

TikTok: @moneytalkwitht

Key Discussion Points

Getting Organized

• Nikki emphasizes that one of the biggest mistakes is not being organized during a divorce. While organization doesn’t have a direct monetary cost, it impacts the overall cost and timeline of the divorce process.
• Having documents related to assets, especially your home, organized is crucial for smooth negotiations.

Over-Reliance on Attorneys

• While attorneys are valuable, relying on them for every minor issue can quickly become expensive. Nikki suggests incorporating other support systems, such as therapists, divorce coaches, or a CDFA, to handle certain aspects of the divorce process more cost-effectively.

Understanding Your Financial Position

• Understanding that your household income and financial dynamics will change post-divorce is imperative. Knowing your expenses relative to your income and planning accordingly is crucial.
• Emotional decisions can cloud financial judgment; having a clear financial strategy helps make informed decisions.

Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA)

• Nikki explains the role and importance of a CDFA in the divorce process and how they can help ensure a financially fair settlement.

Quotes

• "The biggest mistake that people make is not getting organized, and it doesn’t cost you anything." - Nikki Tucker
• "There needs to be a lot of awareness and information gathering that you are doing to understand what your financial position is." - Nikki Tucker
• "Having your stuff together makes you feel much better about it, and when you can pay more attention to the numbers, you're ahead of the game." - Nikki Tucker

Resources

Everything You Need To Know About Prenups (And Why You Should Get One) | Ep. 240

Money After Divorce with Krista Goodrich and Grace Everitt | Ep. 19

The Divorce Money Guide with Tracy Coenen | Ep. 138

Conflict Management with Rhonda Johnson | Ep. 47

Don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe to Money Talk With Tiff on your favorite podcast platform. If this episode helped you, share it with someone who might benefit from these insights.

Support this Podcast

Copyright 2024 Tiffany Grant

You know what it is. That's right. It's time to talk money with your money

nerd and financial coach. Now, tighten those purse strings

and open those ears. It's the money talk with Tiff

podcast.

Hey, everyone. I am so excited because I have Nikki Tucker on the line,

and Nikki is going to talk to us about financial mistakes to avoid

when going through a divorce, which is so timely. If you've been following

me, I just finalized my divorce this year. So,

Nikki, where have you been?

Clearly not in the right place.

But. I'm glad we're here today. So thank you for having me. Yes, and

it's all good, because hopefully we can help someone else. So let's just

hop right in for the audience. What is one financial mistake we

need to avoid when we're going through a divorce? Such a great question.

And one of the things that I love to talk about, because

when we talk about financial mistakes, generally

people are thinking about, like, hard dollar amount mistakes,

things that are coming directly out of your bank account. And that can be

true, but there are also some things that you're doing that have

connection to your money and just not directly coming out

of your bank account. And I'll explain what I mean in a second. So,

one of the biggest mistakes that people make when they're

divorcing is not getting organized. And the

reason I say it's the biggest mistake is because it doesn't

cost you any money to get organized. So that's what I mean about that, like,

direct connection. There is no absolute dollar value coming out of your

bank account. However, we know that

there's a connection between time and

divorce. So the longer your divorce takes,

the more it will cost you. The less

organized you are, the. The more it will cost

you, because the longer it will take. So the

biggest mistake that people make is not getting organized,

and it doesn't cost you anything. Oh, my gosh. I

totally agree with that. And luckily, that was one thing that I did do.

Right when I went to my lawyer, he was like,

oh, my gosh, you're so organized.

But luckily, I had everything in order in that

regard. But I will say that equitable distribution

paperwork, even with. With my stuff in order, was a lot. It's a beast.

Yeah, it's a beast. Yes. So let's talk about that real quick. So,

when we're talking about getting organized, right, what are some things that we need to

do and have in order? It's really important

for you to understand what you're fighting for, because

normally divorce is not it's not

a fun experience. Okay. It could be amicable where you're just

agreeing that it's fair for the relationship to end. It's run

its course, and in other instances, it's very

contentious. So either way, because the emotions and

everything involved is not a fun experience. So

when you're thinking about how do we get organized, what

decisions, what documents do you need? What should you be looking

for? That's why I made the point about understanding what are you

fighting for? What's important to you? And then noting

that the things that are important to you will likely be

equally or almost as important to you as they are to

your partner, your soon to be ex. Which means that

you're going to have to give a little bit. You're not going to get everything

you want. Unfortunately, it's the hard truth. And so before you

begin any negotiate negotiations, you have to determine

what your priorities are and what your areas of threat

are that may literally cost you money. So let's take

your house as an example. Getting together the

paperwork associated with your home is important

and may be low hanging fruit. So an example would

be, did you have your home appraised recently? Do you

have the original documentation information

associated with your home? Have you had any repairs recently?

Is it necessary for your home to have some repairs if

you're deciding that you want to stay in the house? So what

I mean by that, if we just stay on the property, because that's usually the

biggest asset that people have, is if there are repairs

that are necessary. One, have you had an inspection to

determine the cost of those repairs? Two, will your spouse

split the repairs with you? The cost of the repairs if you're

staying in the home versus if you're selling the home, what are the items that

require immediate attention? Okay, so that's one piece of the

repair side. If you want to stay in the home,

then you may have to refinance it. If the home is in both of your

names and your spouse decides that I'm moving out,

so I don't want it in my name. Now you need to refinance. So then

you have to have your paperwork associated with your income

to be able to provide proof of income to your bank

or whomever is providing the financing for your mortgage or the refinance.

You also have to provide information on your bank statements and

your bank accounts, your investments. So those are like some of the

basic things. Generally speaking, we're thinking about your biggest asset.

So the paperwork associated with your home or documents

related to things that need to be done with your house and then paperwork

associated with you getting approved for a mortgage

if you want to stay in your home and they're all connected.

That is such a good point, because one thing I learned the hard

way was cause I had my house before I got

married, but I wanted to take advantage of the low interest rate environment

we had a few years ago, and so I refinanced,

and that put my then husband on

the paperwork. And so when we had to

undo everything, that was one thing that had to be undone as

well. And so that's something that I was not

aware of. You know, prior to, well, prior

to refinancing and doing that whole process, it

changed some of the paperwork on my house, let's just put it that way. And

so I do want to forewarn people with that as well, since we're

talking about houses and marriages and divorce, that if

you have your house ahead of time and you end up refinancing while you're married,

that then puts that person on it as well. So, anywho,

let's go into number two. Number one was

not getting organized and making sure we have all of our ducks in a row.

What would you say the number two financial mistake we make when

getting divorced? Too much of a reliance on your

attorney.

And as a CDFA, I

have a great, sincere appreciation for

attorneys and the work that they do and the value that they add. And I

truly believe that they do add value. In a lot of divorce cases.

However, constant emails, constant phone calls,

office visits, virtual Zoom calls, whatever it is with your

attorney can add up very quickly. You can go through that

retainer much faster than you thought you would. And it's

important for people to understand that when

you're going through a divorce, you need support, no question about it.

So you can build a bench that will allow

you to have the support that you need and not put such

a heavy emphasis on your attorney for everything. When you

guys get into an argument, for example, because you're sitting at the dinner table

and you're trying to negotiate and you're trying to come to an agreement, and let's

just say they piss you off, your attorney probably doesn't need to

be the first phone call when that happens. Okay? But a therapist

could be the first phone call or first email or a divorce

coach or someone that can, again, provide

value to you and the support and guidance on

how to handle situations that maybe you've never faced if you've

never gone through the divorce process, but at a much cheaper

rate than what your average attorney will charge you,

baby. That is a gem right there because

it adds up so quick. And I just told my attorney the other day

that they need to stay out of my pockets. And apparently, apparently I'm in the

wrong line of business because it gets very

expensive very quickly. You know, you think once you pay your

retainer, oh, you know, this should carry us through

or at least get us most of the way there. But like you said at

the beginning, if this prolongs itself, like, I was

separated in 2021 and it just got finalized in

2024. So that's like three years of going through

this. And of course the bills just keep adding up. And not to

mention attorneys are busy. I don't know about, you know,

wherever you all are listening, but I know here locally,

these attorneys like, it takes a lot to get them

and to get, you know, information and things like that. And so that's

another piece to why you may need someone else in your corner. Now,

you mentioned CDFA. What is a CDFA?

Certified divorce financial analyst. And so that is

the designation that I hold. And it's one of

the players, if you will, that can

be a part of your divorce process to help you

get through it. We work with your attorney,

we can work with the divorce coach. Different

individuals that you have on your divorce team can work

directly with the CDFA, but their focus

primarily is on the financial side. So

CDFAs want to make sure that their clients get

a financially fair settlement. And so they're helping

to look at the financial decisions that you're making

today and thinking about how they will impact you in the

future. So whether it's property division, tax issues,

earning capabilities, all of those things, that's the work that a CDFA

does. Like, this is my first time hearing about that. And oh my gosh, I

needed you. The best kept

secret. Most people don't know about

CDFAs. And very often CDFAs work

with higher net worth individuals.

And I would say like the everyday woman who

is working a career, professional, working a job

and making a good income, but maybe necessarily wouldn't

be considered wealthy or rich on paper.

We tend not to know about these resources. And so that's part of the

work that I do and just trying to educate and help people understand

that it's more, there are more resources available to

you than ever before when you are going through a divorce.

And as I said before, have a sincere appreciation for

attorneys. They're still out there, they can help you. But even mediators,

right, like that wasn't talked about 2030 years

ago as much as it is today. And these. These different

individuals can provide so much value and help you keep the cost of your

divorce down, which, to me, should be one of the most important

things outside of making sure that you're okay, you walk

away as sane as possible and that your kids are okay. Gotcha.

Gotcha. Well, this is. You definitely learned me something today,

because I had no idea. Okay, so, number

one, we need to get organized. Got that. Number two, having too much

reliance on your attorney, y'all, it gets expensive. We have time for

one more thing. What's one worth mistake that we make when getting

divorced? Financially. Yeah. So it's not understanding

your financial position. And what I mean by that is

your household income will

change. Period. Hard stop. Your household

income will change. And so the lifestyle or the

budget that you had during your marriage will likely

be impacted post divorce. And so there

needs to be a lot of awareness and

information gathering that you are doing to understand what your

financial position is. And very simply put, as you know,

it's really just about understanding your expenses

relative to your income. So what's coming into the door? What's going

out of the door? Okay. And also knowing that

when your divorce is over, even if you're getting support,

that could be spousal support, that could be child support, that some things may

have to change. And so when you're

negotiating, that's why, again, we come back to the organization

piece. Knowing your numbers and what makes

sense as far as what you're fighting for, what you're willing to

settle for and agree to should be tied to math

and not emotions. And that's very difficult

because going through a divorce can be so

emotional. And when people have the

right support, it makes it a little bit

easier. Okay. You're still gonna be. You're still gonna have some good

days and some bad days. But if you have the right support, then you can

get through it and manage the emotional side so that when

you are making decisions from an informed perspective

and you understand, hey, this is how the dollars will fall

when this divorce is final. And I know that I can take care of myself

and I can keep a roof over my head, then you

feel like you have gotten a much more fair deal

and putting yourself and your family in a better position. That is so

true, because it does get very emotional throughout

the process. Like, there were many times where I was, like, I just wanted to

break down. And even, you know, you

spoke of mediation. Even sitting in mediation was

very draining. Luckily, you know, I did kind of follow the

tips that you had other than number two. Didn't know about that.

But, you know, being organized and knowing

what I wanted out of the situation really helped, but it was still very

draining. So I completely agree with you with the

understanding your financial position position. Because, like, in my

situation, of course, I was more in the know about the

financials than the other party. And so it,

you know, they were kind of using my information to figure

things out, if that makes sense. So it's almost like the most

organized person gets the upper hand. Would you

say? Oh, absolutely.

Kudos to you because you were the more organized person. And like I

said, someone always loses. So I don't want

to necessarily say you come out the winner, but you can't come out on top

because it really is about having the information

and being able to make those decisions based off of the information.

And at the end of the day, if someone's in the dark

about their finances or if someone is just not paying close

attention to how the numbers fall,

you're probably not going to be in the best position. And no one wants

that. Right. We want you, especially in the divorce support

community. We want you to feel like

you can walk away and start a new life and take a

deep breath and say, okay, I made it through that. It was a heck of

a ride, but I made it through. And to your

point, when you are organized and you can pay more attention to

the numbers and you know what you're getting yourself into to a certain

extent, when everything is over, then you just feel much, much better about

it. Completely agree. When you have your stuff

together, then you're ahead of the game. Yes. Yes.

Now, Nikki, this was gems on top of Jim's. On top of

Jim's. And I wish I had this episode a few years ago when I

started this process, but if people are listening and they're going through

the process or about to go through the process, how could they find more

about you or any of the information that you provide? Yeah, that's a great

question. Thanks so much for asking that. The best way to connect with me

is through my website. It's

www.thefirmaproach.com. i am on

social under the firm approach for everything. I'm not great at

social media. I don't love it. I'm just being transparent.

So if you want to connect, find me. You can

find out more about me and what we do, how we serve people. I

also have a blog, and then I also have a newsletter.

And so I send out information just to to help people

in the pre divorce and post divorce stage.

Post divorce you say.

But that's another episode for another day. Thank you

so much, Nikki, for coming on the show. And if you all didn't catch all

of that, I'll be sure to have it in the show notes, so check those

out. I appreciate you dropping these gems because like I said, I definitely

learned something and I know the audience did too. So thank you so

much. It's been my pleasure. Thank you for having me.

Bye. Thank you for listening, joining and

being a part of the Money Talk with TIFF podcast this week. You can check

Tiff out every Thursday for a new Money talk podcast, but if you

just can't wait until next week, you can listen to previous podcast

episodes@moneytalkwitht.com or

follow TIFf on all social media platforms at

moneytalkwitht. Until next time, spend wise

by spending less than you make a word to the money wise is

always sufficient.