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Surviving the Loss of a Living Child
Episode 195 • 17th December 2024 • TonyTidbit: A Black Executive Perspective • TonyTidbit ™
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Episode Audio Link: https://podcast.ablackexec.com/episode/Surviving the Loss of a Living Child

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In this heart-wrenching episode of the Black Executive Perspective Podcast, host Tony Tidbit welcomes Brad Bowling, president of CODE M Magazine. Together, they delve into the profound topic of family estrangement, focusing on Bowling's poignant article 'Surviving the Loss of a Living Child.' The discussion explores the emotional challenges faced by parents estranged from their adult children, addressing contributing factors like divorce, social media, and childhood trauma. Bowling offers practical advice on rebuilding fractured relationships, emphasizing the importance of empathy, forgiveness, and family support networks. Tony also shares a deeply personal story about losing his son, highlighting the urgency of resolving familial conflicts. Tune in for a compelling conversation that aims to bring hope and healing to those affected by familial estrangement.

▶︎ In This Episode

00:00: A Heartfelt Loss and Guilt

00:42: Introduction to the Podcast

01:27: Special Guest: Brad Bowling

03:15: The Article: Surviving the Loss of a Living Child

04:13: Exploring Fractured Family Relationships

09:05: Impact of Social Media on Family Dynamics

15:37: Generational Differences in Parenting

24:29: Steps to Repair Fractured Relationships

30:46: Personal Stories of Divorce and Strained Relationships

32:10: Impact of Divorce on Children and Parental Relationships

37:20: The Role of Forgiveness in Healing Family Relationships

39:29: The Importance of Family Support Systems

41:53: Living in the Moment and Staying Connected

47:05: Final Thoughts and Call to Action

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Transcripts

Tony Tidbit:

It was no flight to get there that night from here to Connecticut.

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I flew out the first flight

the next morning and by the

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time I landed he passed away.

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Brad Bowling: Oh, I'm so

sorry to hear that bro.

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Tony Tidbit: Okay, and think about the

guilt when I walked into the hospital

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and I saw him laying on that bed.

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And I cried like a baby.

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And you know what I was saying?

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I'm sorry.

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Right.

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I'm sorry.

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Right?

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And nobody wants to deal with that.

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Nobody.

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We'll discuss race and

how it plays a factor.

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And how we didn't even

talk about this topic.

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Because we were afraid.

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A black

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BEP Narrator: executive perspective.

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Tony Tidbit: We are coming to you

live from the new BEP studio for

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another thought provoking episode

of a black executive perspective

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podcast, a safe space where we

discuss all matters related to race,

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especially race in corporate America.

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I'm your host, Tony Tidbit.

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So before we get into our new topic

today, I want to give a friendly

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reminder to everyone to please check

out our partners at CodeMMagazine.

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com, whose mission is saving the black

family by first saving the black man.

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Check them out at CodeMMagazine.

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com.

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That is Code M Magazine.

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dot com to M's.

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Definitely check them out.

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They're awesome.

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And then you want to check out what

we're going to do and talk about today.

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So we have the president of CODE M

Magazine, who's going to appear today

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on a black executive perspective podcast

to dissect his compelling article,

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surviving the loss of a living child.

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We will explore the emotional landscape

faced by parents estranged from their

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adult children, delving into the causes,

consequences, and coping strategies

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for such complex family dynamics.

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So the president of Code M Magazine, Brad

Bowling, welcome to a Black Executive

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Perspective Podcast, my brother.

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Brad Bowling: Thank you, Tony.

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And I want to say congratulations

on your one year anniversary.

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I want to say congratulations

on, uh, creating your own studio.

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It looks fantastic, brother.

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So congratulations to you and your team.

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Tony Tidbit: Well, look,

buddy, thank you, man.

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But more importantly, thank

you and your partnership.

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I mean, we, we, you know,

uh, how should I say?

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We came together at the seams.

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Um, about four or five months ago.

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And since that timeframe, buddy, we've

seen both of our platforms really thrive.

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I mean, look, let's be fair.

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CODE M Magazine has been doing

great things for a number of years.

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You guys are, you know, known as the,

the new, uh, Ebony, you know, the new

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essence, you know, you guys are taking it

to the next level, especially as we talked

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about earlier, your mission is saving the

black family by first saving a black man.

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So we're very excited to partner with

you guys because obviously we're Both,

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you know, our missions are the same

where we're both trying to share stories.

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We're both trying to educate and

more importantly, we're trying

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to uplift our communities.

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So I really thank you and appreciate

your partnership, my brother.

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Absolutely,

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Brad Bowling: bro.

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Tony Tidbit: And here, and that's

why we have you on today, my man.

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You know, um, the article that you

wrote, you know, and listen, as being

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a subscriber to Code M magazine, you

know, um, you have some very hard

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hitting articles and then you have

articles and, and topics about mental

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health and fitness and, you know, Hey,

do you want how to date a boss, babe?

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And now you're delving into stuff

that typically, you know, we don't

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really talk about a lot, right.

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The lost of a living child.

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So, you know, are you ready to

talk about this, my brother?

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Let's go.

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All right, man.

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So I want to dive into it.

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Um, because, you know, when I read

the article and you and I talked

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about You know, uh, coming on, I

want you to come on to discuss it.

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It really hit home with me, but some

of the statistics and stuff that

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you, you know, you articulate in

the article was mind blowing, right?

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So we definitely going to

get into all those things.

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But the first question I want

to ask you, my brother, why

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did you write this article?

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Brad Bowling: So, you know, black

people across the country, uh,

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and around the world, we have

the same lives as everybody else.

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And one of the things that's happening

is I'm starting to notice how many

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parents are struggling with their adult

children, teenage children, college age

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children, where communication is broken,

their relationship's been severed.

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And so we wanted to talk a little

bit about it because so many, uh,

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people that I know, uh, have fractured

relationships with their kids.

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And so we wanted to offer some

insights into it and some solutions to.

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Re, uh, connecting with your adult child.

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If that relationship has been fractured.

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Tony Tidbit: Well, listen, I,

number one, again, it's one of the

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things that we don't talk about.

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We hear it, or we have family members,

or to be part, to be honest with

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you, we're a part of it, right?

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Where we haven't talked

to our adult children.

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So I really thought this was great.

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And I'm, I'm looking forward to

diving in further, but let me read

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an excerpt out of the article.

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Cause I thought this, it was a bunch

of statistics that you put in there.

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And I thought was like, wow, but here's

the first thing that really, um, took me.

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And I quote, many adult parents

are grappling with the fact that

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their adult kids don't want to

have anything to do with them.

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As the divorce rate increased

across the country, so did the

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fracture of the American family.

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So much so that there are scores and

scores of broken relationships between

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parents and their adult children.

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And you use, and I want to

ask you about the character

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that you have in the article.

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Uh, the guy named Steven.

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Okay.

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And you talk about how Steven got

a divorce, um, second marriage.

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He's excited.

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He felt, he feels that

he found his soulmate.

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Yeah.

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And they're going to get married and then

he invited his adult children to come to

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the wedding and they shun him and they

don't want to have nothing to do with him.

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Brad Bowling: Right.

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Tony Tidbit: Okay.

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So talk about that a little bit.

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And, and, and, and I love to know, is

this, you know, uh, uh, a real individual?

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Is this more of a fiction individual?

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Talk a little bit about Steve.

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Brad Bowling: Yeah.

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So, you know, I was walking down

the street one day on my afternoon

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walk and I saw a neighbor of mine

who lives about six houses down.

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And so, you know, we get it.

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tickets to everything because we're a

media company and I offered him and his

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wife some tickets to a Guardians game.

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And I said, listen, if you

want to take your kids or

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grandkids to a game, let me know.

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And he said, Brett, I hate to

tell you this, but I don't have

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a relationship with my kids.

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And so he's the reason

that I wrote the article.

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Uh, and so he's real.

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Uh, I left his last name

out of it to protect him.

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And I did ask if I could share his

story and I did, I didn't interview

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him, but we had a discussion and I

took, I pulled the quotes from the

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conversation that we had and he said it

was okay to kind of lead with his story.

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But it resonated with me so much,

man, because I have adult kids.

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I have a 25, 19.

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And so, you know, he's not the

first person where I've had this

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conversation where the relationship is

fractured or either even non existent.

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So based on that, I wrote the

article, I did some research and

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then through research, I found

out there are so many more people

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who have fractured relationships

with their adult Children, buddy,

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Tony Tidbit: flat out.

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I mean, well, number one,

thanks for sharing that.

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And I, I imagine that it

was somebody real, right?

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Um, here's the thing,

though, a couple of things.

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So, divorce rate, which United States

47, 48, 50 percent divorce rate.

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We think about, when we think of

divorce, we do think about the children.

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We think about how the

family now is fractured.

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But we really think about it, and at

least from my perspective, I think

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about it with young kids, right?

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I don't, I've never really thought

about it with adult children, right?

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Because at the end of the

day, you figure, and again,

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everybody's situation is different.

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So.

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You think that when you think of divorce,

you think most people get divorced,

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you know, first 10 years, right?

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Right.

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And then they have kids

and their kids are young.

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Okay.

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In this situation with Steven,

you know, and again, he doesn't

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say, but he got a divorce.

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Um, evidently the, the marriage

was horrible and again, this

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I'm going by based on what I'm

reading in the article, right?

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And then he remarries.

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And then the family, the kids don't

want to have anything to do with them.

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So, so the thing is.

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I hate to say this and I don't

want to make it, uh, uh, there's

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a, there's several people I know in

my family or friends of mine that

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deal with this exact same thing.

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Okay.

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And so, you know, one of the things

that you talk about in the article is

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that not only, um, Not only the divorce

rate is causing the issue, but it was

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something else when you said social media.

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So what do you mean by social

media is also having an effect

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when it comes to this issue?

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Brad Bowling: So I want you to, and

I think we're, we're kind of in the

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same age range where I'm a generation

X, I think you're a generation X.

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So our parents were baby boomers, right?

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So they were born in an age where you

didn't get divorced, whether you liked

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each other or didn't, you didn't separate.

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Uh, I think we're the first

generation to have divorce.

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Uh, in our lives and the unfortunate, uh,

side effect of having social media also

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be an added factor in how our Children

behave and how they look at life today.

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So when I talk about social media, social

media is also almost more detrimental

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than any other disease we can we can name.

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If you take a look at the addiction

of social media and how often

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we look at our phones, have our

phones in our pockets, scroll.

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They said that it's more addictive

than And so if you, if you, the one

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correlation that I wanted to draw is the

fact that you have high divorce rate,

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and then you have the internet raising

our children, impacting their decision

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making, how they, how they view life.

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So this is the first group

of kids where they were born

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after the internet came out.

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They also are more isolated than ever.

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They're also smarter than ever.

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Uh, and so they tend to

have their own opinions.

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At a higher degree than we

did when we were coming up.

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And so I think the consequence, you know,

because causality, cause and effect,

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you have adult children who are much

more judgmental, uh, of their parents,

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their parents' decision making, and then

they took a look at their own lives and

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then they determine, you know, whether

right or wrong, what's best for them.

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And sometimes severing the relationship

with a parent is in, they feel

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like in their best interest.

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So I believe that, of

course, divorce is a factor.

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Also single, single households.

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We don't get together like we used to,

uh, you know, when I was little, my family

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were my friends, but for my children, uh,

family is there, but they don't have an

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impact on their lives on a daily basis.

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Like I did, my family did online.

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So there's several different factors, but

social media is a huge factor because,

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you know, it just, it just creates,

uh, fractured, fractured lifestyles,

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isolation, uh, a lack of a need for touch.

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Intimacy with friendships,

family, parents.

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And so, man, it causes

a big problem for us.

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Tony Tidbit: Let me ask you this.

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So, um, and I didn't see it

in the article, but I love

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just based on your research.

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So I got a couple of questions.

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Do you know the percentage of adult

children across the country that don't

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talk to their living children that don't

talk to their, their parents any longer?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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I

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Brad Bowling: looked for that data.

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No one is keeping track of that.

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So I don't know if we're not studying it

from a You know, a therapist relationship.

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I don't know why it's not being

tracked, but I think it's something

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that we need to take a look at because

it's a lot more prevalent in American

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society than we'd like to think.

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Tony Tidbit: Right.

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And then my other question, and,

and again, using Steven as an

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example, it was divorce, right?

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Right.

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Um, what are some of the other reasons

why living kids don't talk to their fit

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Brad Bowling: to talk to their parents?

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So, you know, you have things from

childhood trauma, Uh, molestation, uh,

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poor parenting, uh, forcing your children

to either do things that they didn't

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want to do, whether it's play a sport,

you know, piano, ballet, you know, a

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lot of times we, as parents, we force

things on our children, thinking that

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this is in their best interest and it's

not, uh, you know, I've had examples and

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ever since I wrote the article, I've had

people coming up to me or, or texting me

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saying, Hey man, this article hit home

because I'm dealing with the same thing.

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And so, you know, whether your parents

were alcoholics, whether they made good

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decisions, didn't make good decisions,

uh, some of those become a factor.

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And then, you know, when the child

grows up, once they figure out that

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the parent made bad decisions or the

parent were, was neglectful, uh, then

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this adult child would make a decision

on their own to either penalize the

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parent, uh, promise themselves that

they won't make the same mistake.

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Or they will forgive the parent, right?

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So you have all three dynamics

kind of at play there.

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Yeah.

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I mean, so buddy

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Tony Tidbit: to be, so number one,

let's back up because abuse I get,

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yeah, I get that sexual abuse.

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Totally get it.

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Uh, verbal.

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you know, negativity.

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I totally get it.

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Right.

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Um, the divorce, I, I, I

can, I can see that too.

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Right.

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However, you know, the thing about

being a parent, you know, as far as I

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know, there's no perfect parents, right?

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We've all made mistakes in thinking

that we're doing the right thing.

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And I'm not talking again, the abuse

part, I I'm not getting into the

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divorce stuff, but I'm just saying

some of the other things that you just

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got finished talking about, right.

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Um, it seems like at any time, you know,

I got two daughters, you know, and this

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story did hit does hit home with me.

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And I'll talk to you a little

bit about that later on, but I

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got two daughters who I think me

and my wife do a really good job.

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And, you know, look, we ain't

perfect, but we, we, we bring them up.

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We try to raise them the right way.

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Obviously, there's times

when they want to do stuff.

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And we say no, there's been times

when we wanted them to play a certain

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sport and then they decided that that

they didn't want to do it any longer.

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And, you know, it was tough

for us, but we said, okay.

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Okay.

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Well, my point I'm trying to make is,

is that just based on what you said.

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They can get to be 30, 31 years old and

look back and says, they was terrible.

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And I don't want them no more.

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Right.

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That's basically where we're at now.

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Brad Bowling: It's happening.

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It's happening.

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So, you know, let's talk about our

children for a second, if we can.

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Um, unfortunately, you know, I think we

were raised in an era where we looked at

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the totality of our parents, you know,

my father, uh, uh, He is an amazing man.

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My parents, uh, were amazing.

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Uh, we were raised very well.

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My father's not perfect.

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You're correct.

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Uh, but when I take a look at

what he did for us, I could never

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have resentment towards my father.

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If you take a look at the kids

that are being raised today, the

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kids are in my kid's generation,

25, 28 and below down to 16, 17.

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They're a lot more judgmental of how

they were raised than we were, you know?

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And so.

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It's a double edged sword

because you know, you wanted

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to give your kids the best.

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We kind of coddled and spoon fed him

and gave him everything, lived in

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the best suburbs, went on vacation

and all of that, you know, but

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our kids are in that woke society

where they don't trust CNN anymore.

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They don't trust Fox News.

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They get their information

off the Internet.

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They're over educated to some

degree, but they have no experience.

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Right and I get on my daughter about this

all the time I'm like, you know, you're

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one of the smartest people that I know

at 20, but you also have no experience

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So you're making all your decisions based

on education, but not a feeling, you

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know Uh, and so that component that's

missing is the ability to have empathy

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to have reverence to have commonality

to have you know the ability to View

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yourself from someone else's position

You You and I have perspective because

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we can see ourselves in other people.

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We have empathy for our fellow human,

but the children of today, because

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they're so isolated, they're, they're

over educated and under experienced.

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Tony Tidbit: Yeah.

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And so I hear that and I'm

not going to say I disagree.

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Right.

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I think though, too, though, when it

comes to kids is playing the long game.

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Because at the end of the day, you know,

um, uh, you know, the old biblical parable

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about the prodigal son, okay, where the

son goes with, you know, the father rings

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him up, has an inheritance for him, he

wants his money now, he, he's jealous,

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he doesn't let any runs away, right?

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And then he's gone for years.

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He's not talking to his father.

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Then he comes back, right?

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And says, and what did the father say?

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My son is home.

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Okay.

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So I, I, I, you know, I look, I've

been in situations where I, you know,

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had a, a rough outing with my mother.

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Okay.

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Where, you know, there was a

timeframe that we didn't talk

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as much as we did before.

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Right.

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And, and it happens and I don't, I, I,

but my point is to your, what you just

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got for the same about the empathy part.

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And that's why I talk about the long game.

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But then once I, and it was

more of an issue versus she

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was a horrible mother, okay?

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:

And so the point I'm trying to

make is, I think most people at

349

:

some point bounce back and they

look at the totality of their

350

:

experience with their parents, right?

351

:

And there was probably an issue, right?

352

:

I'll tell you this story, this one story.

353

:

So my daughter, you haven't met

her yet, um, she lives in Michigan.

354

:

And this was, I'm talking years

ago, this was early:

355

:

Okay.

356

:

And her and I didn't chat for a

while because she, uh, we just kind

357

:

of, it was a, it was a falling out.

358

:

Okay.

359

:

So we didn't talk for a while.

360

:

And then, uh, my wife, you

know, Gayle, we, uh, invited her

361

:

to come to, um, to our house.

362

:

Visit us for, I think it was Thanksgiving,

Christmas, I can't remember, right?

363

:

So she spent the week out here with us.

364

:

We had a good time, right?

365

:

I, you know, I'm working in the city,

so I got up early to take her to the

366

:

airport so I can catch the train to

come into the city to go to work.

367

:

So I got up three in the morning, took

her to the airport, gave her a big hug,

368

:

loved her, said we had a great time.

369

:

And then I got to the,

uh, took, uh, went home.

370

:

I mean, went to the, uh, train

station, took the train into the city.

371

:

I got into the city, went into

my office, turned my computer on.

372

:

There was an email from her and the email

says, dad, I love you and I'm sorry.

373

:

And what we went through, you were right.

374

:

And I was spoiled, but I just want to

let you know how much I love you and how

375

:

much you were, you did the right thing.

376

:

And I love the way you brought us up,

brought it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

377

:

And I cried like a baby.

378

:

Yeah, okay, because, but

you see my point here.

379

:

I do.

380

:

And so, so my point is, and then, and

now we have a tight, tight relationship.

381

:

You see my point.

382

:

So I hear you that, you know, there's

all the things that you talked about.

383

:

I don't disagree, but I do think that

at some point, and not everybody,

384

:

You know, there's an old saying,

kids are like rubber bands, right?

385

:

They're going to stretch out, but if

you brought them up the right way,

386

:

at some point, they'll bounce back.

387

:

Brad Bowling: I don't disagree with you.

388

:

I think there are cycles to this.

389

:

And I think there are situations where,

you know, and I put this in an article,

390

:

because we detail the scenarios in which

you are to engage, you are to release,

391

:

you are to wait, and you're to be patient.

392

:

And so, there are cycles to this where,

Depending on the problem, uh, there's

393

:

a different solution for each problem.

394

:

So I, I agree with you, right?

395

:

Um, I have my 19 year old is at

Ohio state, two hours away, doesn't

396

:

come home from college, like he

used to, because he's so far away.

397

:

And so I went to him, I

was like, you know what?

398

:

It's been three weeks.

399

:

I haven't seen him.

400

:

And when he used to come

home, it was all good.

401

:

But since he didn't, I went to

him and I think you have to stay

402

:

connected to your kids and listen.

403

:

It is still a 70 30 relationship.

404

:

I know.

405

:

And I, and I preached this to my kids.

406

:

Hey, we're, you're 50

percent of the relationship.

407

:

And so I need for you

to call and check on me.

408

:

Like I'll call and check on you.

409

:

But the truth is, is that as the

mature parent, it is always the

410

:

onus is on you to protect the

relationship as much as you can.

411

:

Because, you know, my father's 87

years old and you know, uh, John F.

412

:

Kennedy Jr.

413

:

He said, you're not grown until

you lose both your parents.

414

:

Okay.

415

:

And so even though my dad is 87 and

he's here and he's thriving and he's,

416

:

I still feel 20 when I see my dad, I

still revert back to that 12 year old

417

:

kid when I'm in my father's presence.

418

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426

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And

427

:

Brad Bowling: so it's really, really

important that as a parent, you do

428

:

your level best to maintain a healthy,

positive relationship with your kids.

429

:

Where I challenge you though,

Tony is that our children are

430

:

raised a little differently and

their perspective is different.

431

:

They don't need to own a home.

432

:

They're not career oriented.

433

:

They're not necessarily in a rush to

drive, get married, you know, recreate.

434

:

So their perspective is different

because their goals are different.

435

:

And so because they look at life so

differently than us, their decision

436

:

making is skewed to my, in my opinion

as well, and I don't want to say skewed

437

:

to make it sound negative that they're,

they're wrong, but I think that our

438

:

children today are a lot, they judge

life a lot more harshly than we did.

439

:

We tended to take a look at life and say,

you know what, man, this too shall pass.

440

:

And I think our children sometimes

get stuck in a frame of mind or a way

441

:

of thinking and cannot get beyond it.

442

:

And so, you know, I,

we recommended therapy.

443

:

We do have steps to engage a child

if they're upset, but we also warn

444

:

parents that they are not to be

abused by an overbearing child who's

445

:

demanding one thing or another.

446

:

You have to protect your peace as well.

447

:

And so there's a fine line between I want

to repair this fractured relationship

448

:

to, I want to protect my peace.

449

:

Tony Tidbit: So, buddy, go into

more specifics in terms of the step.

450

:

So, if somebody's listening to this

right now, you know, I gave an example,

451

:

you gave example about your son, right?

452

:

Right.

453

:

What's some of the things that they can

be able to do where they're not going

454

:

to run, run their child off, right?

455

:

Or to your point, they're not going to,

well, you know, I, if he ain't going to

456

:

say nothing, I ain't going to say nothing.

457

:

You know what I'm saying?

458

:

And just, so what's some of the things

459

:

Brad Bowling: that people could do?

460

:

So the typical fractured relationship on

average lasts between four to five years.

461

:

So we wanted to make that point clear

because depending on where people were

462

:

in the spectrum of where they were with

their fractured child, we wanted to let

463

:

them know what kind of time frame they

had to work with to get this thing going.

464

:

And so if you go beyond five

years, the longer you wait, the

465

:

harder it gets to repair it, Tony.

466

:

So hold

467

:

Tony Tidbit: on one second, just stop

for a second, because I just want to

468

:

make sure I'm clear what I'm hearing.

469

:

So there's what?

470

:

It's five years.

471

:

So for five years on a living child

doesn't talk to their parents.

472

:

Brad Bowling: Well, they may,

they may not be completely silent.

473

:

But the relationship

474

:

Tony Tidbit: is

475

:

Brad Bowling: fractured.

476

:

The relationship is fractured, right?

477

:

So maybe, and I'll kind of

go into it, to symptoms.

478

:

Where, you know, you're calling

your kid or you're trying to talk to

479

:

him and the conversation is not as

deep or detailed as it used to be.

480

:

Uh, the phone calls become less and less

and less and there's a certain level of

481

:

avoidance that your child has with you.

482

:

Always busy, I'll call you back,

but they don't, blah, blah, blah.

483

:

And so those are some of the first

warning signs that there's a problem.

484

:

If you do get to the crux of the

situation where you do find out

485

:

what's wrong, we also detail that you

don't want to diminish how they feel.

486

:

Whether you agree or

disagree is not the point.

487

:

You want to allow them to

speak their truth and then

488

:

internalize that information and

then start to work from there.

489

:

So half the battle is finding out what the

real problem is and then, okay, what do

490

:

I do and how do I begin to repair that?

491

:

So becoming defensive

obviously does not work.

492

:

Tony Tidbit: So can you speak on

493

:

Brad Bowling: that?

494

:

Tony Tidbit: Because I, I, I would

imagine, and again, I've been in this

495

:

situation before, we get defensive

because we want to immediately.

496

:

You know, explain whatever the

situation happened, whatever,

497

:

whatever happened in the situation.

498

:

It ain't our fault.

499

:

Or you, you, you, you listen, or

you, our communication was wrong,

500

:

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

501

:

So can you talk a little

bit more about that?

502

:

Because I think 90 percent of the

time that's a response that people do.

503

:

Brad Bowling: Well, and,

and here's the thing.

504

:

I mean, I'm not going to say that I

agree with getting defensive, but you

505

:

know, as a father, Of four children.

506

:

The first thing I'm thinking of is

do you understand what I sacrificed?

507

:

You understand I changed the

diapers Yo, I taught y'all how to

508

:

you know, I protected you at night.

509

:

I kept the heat on cheese in

the refrigerator I clothed

510

:

you we went on vacation.

511

:

We did this you had a perfect amazing

life from my perspective And so, you

512

:

know when you hear your children are

frustrated with you The first thing

513

:

you want to do is do you understand?

514

:

You Just how much I did for you

and, and what kind of parent I

515

:

was to pay for all the travel,

sports, vacations, homes, cars, uh,

516

:

and so, well, hold on one second.

517

:

You have to,

518

:

Tony Tidbit: one of the, but one of the

steps is not to do that though, right?

519

:

What I'm saying to you is you

520

:

Brad Bowling: have to put

that stuff to the side.

521

:

Yeah, yeah,

522

:

Tony Tidbit: yeah.

523

:

Brad Bowling: Because in order to

get to the crux of the situation,

524

:

and more importantly, Tony, in order

for them to be heard, you want to

525

:

make sure that they feel heard.

526

:

So you can't sit there and be defensive.

527

:

You're going to have to park that to the

side for a second and say, you know what?

528

:

I got to hear them out so I can

understand what they're saying

529

:

to me and then internalize that.

530

:

Because you know, everybody might

be in the car, but not everybody's

531

:

listening to the same music anymore.

532

:

No, no.

533

:

Right.

534

:

Remember back in the day when we

were going on vacation, it was

535

:

one day track one CD player in

the car and we all was listening.

536

:

Now with your kids,

they got headphones on,

537

:

you know, wife might be

538

:

sleep.

539

:

You driving for eight hours.

540

:

And this, this is what life looks like

now for the American family though.

541

:

Right.

542

:

Tony Tidbit: Oh man.

543

:

That's right.

544

:

Brad Bowling: It's true.

545

:

Yeah, bro.

546

:

I remember when I was little

and we first, we were the first

547

:

people on my street to get cable.

548

:

The cable box was

downstairs in the basement.

549

:

We used to pop popcorn.

550

:

We will get the space heater,

go downstairs and watch Smokey

551

:

and The Bandit as a family.

552

:

Oh, don't get the space heater.

553

:

Cause it was no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

554

:

Yeah.

555

:

But today, today, my four kids

are, they're all in their room.

556

:

I'm in the family room.

557

:

Wife's in the kitchen.

558

:

And so it's a micro, it's a reflection

of American society today where we're

559

:

not together, even in our own homes.

560

:

Tony Tidbit: Let me ask you this though,

because, and I'm hearing you, I just

561

:

want to make sure I'm clear here, right?

562

:

And again, I know you said

you look for this research.

563

:

Yes, sir.

564

:

Um, based on The article that you

wrote, I looked at it as a, a broad,

565

:

you know, uh, fractured living, uh,

child who no longer talks to you.

566

:

Is there any data that says

this age group, it's a bigger

567

:

splinter versus this age?

568

:

So are there, are there

people that are 50?

569

:

55 60.

570

:

That's not talking or has a

fracture relationship with their

571

:

parents at a higher or similar

rate than somebody who's 20 25 30.

572

:

Brad Bowling: No, there is no

data to support or suggest, you

573

:

know, demographical evidence that.

574

:

50 year olds and 20 year

olds are any different.

575

:

The reason I bring

576

:

Tony Tidbit: it up is because

you're talking generational, right?

577

:

And we're talking about

how we were raised, right?

578

:

So we fall in that category

versus the younger, all the

579

:

things that you talked about them.

580

:

So I just wanted to see if there was some

type of data in terms of that difference.

581

:

Brad Bowling: No, no, no.

582

:

But, but, you know, I can also tell you

that there are a lot of grandparents

583

:

raising their grandchildren and frustrated

with their adult Children as well, right?

584

:

And so there's so many different

factors as to what is what is going on.

585

:

What I can tell you is, is that since

the Internet has become prevalent in

586

:

American society, it's also correlated

with the fracturing of the American

587

:

family and the fabric of American life.

588

:

And so, you know, even though

there's no data, concrete data.

589

:

To indicate where the

problem is and how it is.

590

:

We all know it exists.

591

:

I can tell you right now.

592

:

I'm getting phone calls.

593

:

I'm getting emails.

594

:

I'm having people stop

me if they know who I am.

595

:

And say, bro, that article that

you wrote, I'm dealing with that.

596

:

You know, I had somebody come up to me

and say, bro, I, my daughter and I are in

597

:

therapy right now because I got divorced.

598

:

She blamed, you know, she was mad at me

and, and, and listen, I don't want to say

599

:

that children have fractured relationships

more with their dads than their moms,

600

:

uh, cause I can't find that data either.

601

:

But a lot of men came up to me after

their divorce and said they'd had

602

:

some kind of problem with dealing

with their child post divorce with

603

:

them either moving on thinking that

they're the blame, uh, because they're

604

:

the leader in the house supposedly.

605

:

They're the man and they're

struggling with their adult child.

606

:

And when I say adult children, I'm talking

about 16, 17, up to 25, 28 years old.

607

:

Right.

608

:

In Steven's case, you know, his

children, uh, when he got a divorce

609

:

decided they didn't like the fact

that he remarried and he was happy.

610

:

They removed themselves from

his life and their children.

611

:

So now he can't even deal with grand.

612

:

Yeah.

613

:

He, he, he, he can't see his grandkids.

614

:

He doesn't see his adult Children.

615

:

And what do you do with that?

616

:

When I'm living in the same community as

my adult kids, I'm in a grocery store.

617

:

I see him in an aisle 23.

618

:

I'm an hour 13 and I can't

even go hug him and see him.

619

:

So, you know, we all deal with death.

620

:

But my God, what do you

do when you have a child?

621

:

That's alive and you can't speak to him.

622

:

Tony Tidbit: Yeah.

623

:

How much, and again, I don't know,

again, from a research standpoint, but

624

:

I'm going to throw this question at you.

625

:

How much, and I'm talking

specifically divorce.

626

:

Okay.

627

:

Let's just go to the divorce.

628

:

How much does the, the, the spouse, the

ex spouse have something to do with the

629

:

not wanting to talk to the other parent

because For whatever reason, they still

630

:

hold, and I'm talking the parent, I'm

talking the spouse part, the ex spouse,

631

:

all right, that they still, because

you know, a lot of times, man, people

632

:

use their kids as weapons, okay, um, in

divorce, all right, and then, and just to

633

:

have people on their side, so, you know,

and let's be fair here too, and again, I'm

634

:

not, you know, I'm not trying to be Dr.

635

:

Phil, But the majority of people

who get married, shouldn't have got

636

:

married, okay, first of all, right,

even if they had kids, a lot of people

637

:

aren't happy, right, in a relationship.

638

:

They hang on to the relationship

because they have kids.

639

:

Okay.

640

:

The kids see that they ain't happy.

641

:

The kids see that somebody's miserable

or they're fighting all the time.

642

:

There's a million things

that go on, right?

643

:

And then when they break up, if

they, but when they, when somebody

644

:

finally says, you know what, this

ain't working, life is too short.

645

:

You need to be happy.

646

:

I need to be happy.

647

:

And then they move on.

648

:

Then there's one spouse.

649

:

It could be the husband or the wife.

650

:

They fight over the kids.

651

:

And then whoever gets the kids

uses the kids against the, the,

652

:

the ex partner, even though they

know the relationship was horrible.

653

:

They knew it wasn't

going to work out anyway.

654

:

But they still use the kids as a weapon.

655

:

And then the kids end up to

your point of the article.

656

:

I don't want to talk to my father no

more because he's marrying somebody else.

657

:

And he left mama.

658

:

And, you know, I bought even though the

kid and again, we know every situation

659

:

is different, even though the kid

knows that when they were together,

660

:

there was no good for each other.

661

:

So I just let me hear

your thoughts on that.

662

:

Brad Bowling: No, you're correct.

663

:

And so, again, there's not hard

evidence on the percentages.

664

:

who uses or weaponizes the children,

but we know it's happening, right?

665

:

We know it happens.

666

:

Uh, and we know, you know, to quote, Dr.

667

:

Phil children would rather come from a

broken home than being a broken home.

668

:

And so children even know that your

parents, you know, shouldn't be together.

669

:

I've had umpteen times where people

come up to me and they say, I

670

:

told my parents, man, I couldn't

wait for y'all to get a divorce.

671

:

Because the house got happier.

672

:

There was peace.

673

:

Okay.

674

:

And life got better as a result

of parents getting a divorce.

675

:

Now, even though that's the case,

there is still a wanting for the

676

:

traditional family where you have the

patriarch, the matriarch, and the child.

677

:

I think even your adult children long

to have a two parent household where

678

:

there's love, there's peace, there's,

there's, there's intimacy, there's

679

:

the cookouts, there's the dinners.

680

:

And a lot of times, you

know, in American society.

681

:

And I fight this with

my kids all the time.

682

:

I need to see you.

683

:

We need to get together.

684

:

We need to spend some time together.

685

:

I think absence makes things

worse, almost like texting.

686

:

I don't text negatively

because there's so much lost in

687

:

translation when you text people.

688

:

So, you know, if I'm talking to my

kids and I can hear in their voice,

689

:

you know, we need some face time.

690

:

I'll go to their house.

691

:

And, and say, you know what,

we're getting together.

692

:

You know, I don't even ask, right.

693

:

Cause asking implies they have a choice.

694

:

And so I'm like, I'm like, Hey,

I'm coming down to Ohio state.

695

:

I'll see you six o'clock,

you know what I mean?

696

:

And so, um, I, you gotta make sure

that you stay in your kid's face.

697

:

You have to make sure that you check in.

698

:

And I think that face to

face time allows for empathy.

699

:

It allows for compassion to be there.

700

:

It allows for touch, right?

701

:

You got to hug your children.

702

:

Um, even though they're

adults and not in a.

703

:

And you know, like at my age,

you know, I have my own life now.

704

:

All my children are in college or grown.

705

:

And sometimes you can forget a little bit

that, Hey, I need to be checking in, but

706

:

you have to bro, because they're busy.

707

:

They're out there fighting the hard life

to, to become something, do something.

708

:

And I think you got to stay plugged in.

709

:

And so as a parent, I'm very

fortunate where I don't have a

710

:

fractured relationship, but I feel

so bad for the people that do.

711

:

Because I don't know what I would do

if I had an adult kid out here And I

712

:

couldn't speak to him or I couldn't

go hug him and I couldn't talk to him

713

:

So I wrote the article to make sure

for the people who are struggling with

714

:

this that they have some solutions that

they're not alone uh And unfortunately,

715

:

you know, it's not going to repair

all the relationships, but hopefully

716

:

it can have an impact on somebody

717

:

Tony Tidbit: right?

718

:

Let me ask you this man You know going

back to the prodigal son the biblical

719

:

parable Um when the son came back in the

moral of the story The father forgave him.

720

:

Okay.

721

:

So where does forgiveness

fall in the place of this?

722

:

Right.

723

:

Cause at some point, regardless of

what happened or who started it,

724

:

somebody has got to forgive somebody

for this relationship to men.

725

:

What's your thoughts on that?

726

:

Brad Bowling: Oh yeah.

727

:

Listen, forgiveness is huge.

728

:

And, but there has to be space,

space has to be created for it, Tony.

729

:

So the mistake that many of parents

tend to make is that they feel

730

:

attacked unjustly by their Children.

731

:

And so instead of internalizing

it, they make excuses.

732

:

And I think that sometimes, you

know, you know, you life when you

733

:

have this kind of situation, you can

have what's known as a pure victory.

734

:

And a pure victory is when you you

win the battle, but you lose the war.

735

:

Right.

736

:

So I can win this battle with my kid

and I can defend myself and all of that.

737

:

But then my child says, you know what?

738

:

I heard your position.

739

:

I just told you mine and I'm done with

you because you weren't listening.

740

:

So we have to do a better

job at listening as parents.

741

:

We have to be apologetic.

742

:

Someone has to cross the 50 line first.

743

:

That 50 yard line is critical.

744

:

And if my child was mad at me, bro,

I'm crossing that line to come over

745

:

there to figure out what's going on.

746

:

Okay.

747

:

Uh, because I didn't sacrifice everything

that I sacrificed to not have a

748

:

relationship with my adult children.

749

:

I have a 20 month old granddaughter

man, and she's precious and Uh, you

750

:

know as a circle of life happens

I can't tell you how wonderful it

751

:

is to see your child have a child.

752

:

Tony Tidbit: What can society, you

know, that, that old thing, that,

753

:

um, phrase that, uh, Hillary Clinton

says it takes a village, right?

754

:

What can society do to support families

755

:

Brad Bowling: that have these

fractured relationships?

756

:

So, you know, I'll take

my personal family.

757

:

Uh, and use that as an example.

758

:

If I was raised by my father who

was in my life, but I had five, six,

759

:

seven uncles who also were impactful

and they taught different things.

760

:

One uncle was rich.

761

:

One uncle was a farmer.

762

:

One uncle was a police officer.

763

:

My father's an engineer.

764

:

So they all taught me different

parts and walks of life that

765

:

together created who I am today.

766

:

And so I recommend, uh, that your

children have more than you in their life.

767

:

Because let's just say, for

instance, my child is mad at me.

768

:

They have my brother who has an

intimate relationship with my kids.

769

:

They call each other.

770

:

Their relationship is independent of me.

771

:

My brother gives my Children

perspective about me.

772

:

I have cousins who communicate with

my kids where, you know, they keep

773

:

in touch with my kids and we do this

for each other to make sure that

774

:

we stay plugged into the family and

the kids because it takes a village.

775

:

Tony, it takes a village and

that that rings true today.

776

:

I think that

777

:

unfortunately we have to be

way more intensive with it.

778

:

I think my parents

didn't struggle with it.

779

:

You know, every weekend, my parents

were getting together, playing

780

:

cards with all the aunts and uncles

and we would switch houses and it

781

:

was just a foregone conclusion.

782

:

He was going to be with

family this weekend.

783

:

Right.

784

:

But now we got to build in time.

785

:

Hey, three months from now, we're

going to get together and we still

786

:

only have half the people show up,

you know, you know what I'm saying?

787

:

So bro, we have got to find a way.

788

:

To put the phones down, reconnect

with family, get back to getting

789

:

in the backyard, cooking out, have

conversation, make the kids hang out.

790

:

Uh, we got to get back to touching

each other because I'm going to tell

791

:

you the internet's not going anywhere.

792

:

Social media is not going anywhere.

793

:

If anything, social

media is getting worse.

794

:

You got the tick tocks, 15, seven, seven

second videos, where now, you know, I

795

:

can't even sit through an hour and a

half movie without being bored out of

796

:

my mind because the framing is slow.

797

:

The plots are horrible.

798

:

Because they're trying to

keep your attention, right?

799

:

Right.

800

:

So guess what's happening to

your kids who born in that?

801

:

They were born in that.

802

:

Remember, they were born

into video games, right?

803

:

So they're hitting l one l two

l seven, you know, X, X, X, X,

804

:

X, they're not paying attention

to what's going on right now.

805

:

And I'm gonna tell you that,

you know, let me just add this.

806

:

We spent a lot of time

planning for the future, right?

807

:

But we don't spend any

time living in a moment.

808

:

We've got to go back to living

in a moment as a society, Yeah.

809

:

And I would encourage any parent, create

in the moment situations with your kids.

810

:

Absolutely, buddy.

811

:

Tony Tidbit: And I want to back up

because you said something, I don't want

812

:

to make sure our audience missed this.

813

:

You know, and going back to

that, it takes a village.

814

:

And you said, Hey, it's important

that their uncles and their

815

:

cousins and everybody's plugged in.

816

:

Why is that?

817

:

I call that preventive maintenance.

818

:

Right?

819

:

Because what happens is if

there's an issue that comes up.

820

:

And you, if everybody in the family

has a tight relationship with everyone,

821

:

somebody in the family, that person

may not come to their mother or father

822

:

and talk about that issue, but they'll

go to Uncle Brad, they'll go to Cousin

823

:

Joe, they'll go to Cousin, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, Irene, they'll go to Aunt, you

824

:

know, uh, Kathy, and they'll, because

they'll have a, a, a special relationship

825

:

with those other individuals, and then

they'll share that, that situation, and

826

:

then that gives time for somebody in the

family To make sure that this doesn't

827

:

turn into a horrible situation and provide

more perspective, listen to whatever the

828

:

issue is, maybe even go back and tell

the parent or whatever the case may be.

829

:

I'm just saying it'd be, and

it still can go awry, right?

830

:

But my point is it by having that support

mechanism is very important, right?

831

:

Because nobody just 1 day

wakes up and says, I'm done.

832

:

They're talking to somebody hopefully

in their family There's somebody

833

:

that they're really close with and

look we know this as our best parents

834

:

Our kids get to a certain age.

835

:

They stop listening to us, but they will

listen We all have had the situation

836

:

where you tell you, you know I tell

my daughters to do blah blah blah and

837

:

then uncle Joe will say the same stuff.

838

:

They're like, wow,

that's awesome Thank you.

839

:

I've never heard it before right?

840

:

So right so but you

need uncle Joe for that.

841

:

You need auntie Carol for that

You need grandma for that, right?

842

:

Because then they can hopefully talk

to them and, and make sure that this

843

:

situation doesn't become combustible

and then go, go off and explode.

844

:

And next thing you know, you got

some, uh, a child's not talking

845

:

to the parents for 5, 6, 7 years.

846

:

Would you agree with that?

847

:

Brad Bowling: I would agree with that.

848

:

And also, I think we need

to be more cognizant of the

849

:

symptoms and that's my point.

850

:

We need to pay attention

to when the cycle starts.

851

:

And we detailed that in the

article, pay attention because don't

852

:

wait until they're not speaking.

853

:

Pay attention to the symptoms, you know,

the reduced conversation conversations,

854

:

not as deep as they used to be exactly.

855

:

You need to be checking, check

in on your kids as often as you

856

:

can without being irritating.

857

:

You know, I remember when my

kids first went to college.

858

:

Uh, and I became an empty nester

and three, four days ago by

859

:

and I was texting, calling you.

860

:

How come I haven't heard from you?

861

:

You know, with dad, I was at the party

and I had class and I'm working again.

862

:

And I'm like, Oh, wait, wait a minute.

863

:

I was in my own feelings.

864

:

They out there living life

like I taught him to bro.

865

:

And I, I'm at home going,

you're in your own feeling.

866

:

Yeah, bro.

867

:

How come you haven't called?

868

:

You don't love me anymore.

869

:

You know?

870

:

So I had to get over myself.

871

:

Oh.

872

:

And figure out, I better go get my own

life because they're doing exactly what I

873

:

taught them to do, which is go live life.

874

:

And so, you know, you have to figure

out as a parent, how to stay plugged

875

:

in, but how to give them space to

become their own, their own person.

876

:

Right.

877

:

Uh, and I think sometimes

parents might lose.

878

:

the knack for that.

879

:

And then, you know, don't forget,

you're still teaching your kids.

880

:

My father's 87.

881

:

I'm still learning from my father.

882

:

BEP Narrator: If you like what you hear

and want to join us on this journey

883

:

of making uncomfortable conversations

comfortable, please subscribe to a

884

:

Black Executive Perspective podcast

on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify,

885

:

or wherever you get your podcasts.

886

:

Hit subscribe now to stay connected

for more episodes that challenge,

887

:

inspire, and lead the change.

888

:

Brad Bowling: And so you

can't As rightfully so, right?

889

:

As rightfully so, right?

890

:

So you want to stay plugged into

your kids, you want to stay engaged.

891

:

in a manner which is

respectful, not be overbearing.

892

:

Um, but again, I think we also need

to make sure that we understand the

893

:

kind of world that our kids live in.

894

:

Remember when rap came out and our parents

was like, this is the death of music.

895

:

Right.

896

:

And now rap is in cereal commercials.

897

:

Tony Tidbit: Listen to it now.

898

:

Brad Bowling: Yeah.

899

:

Yeah.

900

:

Yeah.

901

:

Right.

902

:

Right.

903

:

But I think we need to be cognizant of the

negative impact social media is having on

904

:

our kids and how much it's isolating them.

905

:

And we had to fight that and come up with

solutions to make sure that your kids

906

:

are plugged into family, plugged into

yourself, and you create the circle of

907

:

trust where they still are coming to you.

908

:

Uh, you know, when they have

negative thoughts, there's

909

:

when they have trepidation.

910

:

Uh, when they're irritated with the

co worker or their own relationship.

911

:

And so, you know, trust is huge.

912

:

And I think that that's a factor too.

913

:

Like sometimes kids don't come

to parents or there's fractures.

914

:

fractures in a relationship

is there's a trust factor.

915

:

Absolutely.

916

:

Tony Tidbit: My friend.

917

:

I totally agree.

918

:

Final thoughts.

919

:

What do you want to

leave the audience, man?

920

:

I mean, you gave a lot today.

921

:

This was awesome.

922

:

Final

923

:

Brad Bowling: thoughts.

924

:

Well, you know, again, the article was

written so people would have perspective.

925

:

If they're dealing with

this, they're not alone.

926

:

We wanted to make sure that.

927

:

We spoke to people who are

struggling with this to give them

928

:

some solutions on what they can do.

929

:

But you know, my prayer for everybody

out there is that they have and maintain

930

:

a healthy relationship with their kids.

931

:

If you don't go seek therapy, uh,

if you can, uh, if you can, if you

932

:

can bring in another adult, a loving

cousin, a grandmother, a brother or

933

:

sibling, uh, to interject, to create.

934

:

You know, a referee, if you will do it.

935

:

Um, and if you think something is going

on with your adult child, you need to

936

:

start addressing it as fast as possible.

937

:

Because remember, the longer

you wait, the worse it gets.

938

:

And so my advice is to love on them hard.

939

:

Stay in the moment.

940

:

If you can continue to create, you

know, Staycations, real vacations,

941

:

opportunities for personal touch.

942

:

Do it.

943

:

So that's my, uh, final word, buddy.

944

:

I really

945

:

Tony Tidbit: appreciate it.

946

:

And I thank you.

947

:

Um, you mind if I share, I want to

share a story about this, because again,

948

:

your article, when I read it, it really

touched me and I'm pretty sure that

949

:

people who are listening to, or watching

this episode of a black executive

950

:

perspective, Um, well, can relate to

the story I'm about to say, right?

951

:

So, and again, I, my

son, his name was Randy.

952

:

Um, and him and I, we fell out.

953

:

Cause, and it wasn't

anything with divorce.

954

:

It was just, he wasn't doing the things

that I worked hard for him to do.

955

:

And the way I wanted, I

brought him up and raised him.

956

:

And I had all these, to your

point, plans of the future for him.

957

:

You know what I mean?

958

:

This and that and all nighters.

959

:

And he decided to go his own way.

960

:

And, you know, as a parent, sometimes

you have to say, well, you know

961

:

what, that's what you want to do.

962

:

You want to live that way.

963

:

You go do it, but you can't live that

way in my house until you come back

964

:

until you come back, um, the right way.

965

:

Don't come back.

966

:

I don't want to talk to you.

967

:

Right.

968

:

So, you know, that was my stance.

969

:

And then one night on a Friday night,

around about nine 30, I got a phone call.

970

:

Um, from this hospital in Colorado.

971

:

And it said my son was dying

from leukemia and he wasn't

972

:

gonna make it through the night.

973

:

Oh my God.

974

:

Okay.

975

:

Now we didn't even know he had leukemia.

976

:

He didn't even know he had a sore

throat and it didn't get any better.

977

:

And then he went to the

doctor for about 30 days.

978

:

They admitted him, right.

979

:

And called me.

980

:

I couldn't even, it was no flight to get

there that night from here to Connecticut.

981

:

I flew out the first

flight the next morning.

982

:

And by the time I landed, he passed away.

983

:

Brad Bowling: Oh, I'm so

sorry to hear that, bro.

984

:

Tony Tidbit: Okay.

985

:

And think about the guilt when I walked

into the hospital and I saw him laying

986

:

on that bed and I cried like a baby.

987

:

And you know what I was saying?

988

:

I'm sorry.

989

:

Right.

990

:

I'm sorry.

991

:

Right.

992

:

And nobody wants to deal with that.

993

:

Nobody.

994

:

It doesn't matter what

your circumstances are.

995

:

And I get it.

996

:

You may be upset because mommy or

daddy or somebody didn't do the right

997

:

thing when they, when they should

have, and they were at fault, right?

998

:

But you don't want life is short.

999

:

It's not promised to anyone.

:

00:50:47,795 --> 00:50:53,615

And the last thing you ever want, cause I

experienced this and I still carry this.

:

00:50:54,415 --> 00:50:59,425

Is to not have a relationship with one

of your family members, your own kid,

:

00:50:59,605 --> 00:51:05,225

or your father, or your mother, or

your sister, and be upset at them about

:

00:51:05,234 --> 00:51:09,545

something and then never see them again.

:

00:51:09,875 --> 00:51:10,135

Right.

:

00:51:10,194 --> 00:51:11,315

It ain't worth it.

:

00:51:11,805 --> 00:51:13,495

It's not right.

:

00:51:13,575 --> 00:51:19,255

So thank you for allowing me to share in

that story and I hope it resonates because

:

00:51:19,255 --> 00:51:22,194

there's no argument, no disagreement.

:

00:51:22,990 --> 00:51:28,400

That's worth not talking to

your loved one ever again.

:

00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:29,370

Brad Bowling: Wow.

:

00:51:30,210 --> 00:51:31,309

That is, that is deep.

:

00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:35,040

I can't tell you how proud I

am of you for sharing that.

:

00:51:35,820 --> 00:51:38,170

And I've, I'm so sorry, bro.

:

00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:43,540

And I did not know that you just shared

that with me just now, but you're

:

00:51:43,540 --> 00:51:45,180

the reason I wrote the article, bro.

:

00:51:45,790 --> 00:51:50,590

Um, and you're, you sharing that is

going to save someone else that pain.

:

00:51:51,070 --> 00:51:54,510

Of having to go through that hopefully

somebody sees this and makes a call today

:

00:51:55,605 --> 00:51:57,405

And so I appreciate you sharing it, bro.

:

00:51:57,555 --> 00:51:58,755

Tony Tidbit: That is it my brother.

:

00:51:58,785 --> 00:51:59,715

'cause it's not worth it.

:

00:51:59,805 --> 00:52:01,215

It's just not right.

:

00:52:01,215 --> 00:52:05,055

Life is so short, so let's forgive.

:

00:52:05,145 --> 00:52:05,625

Right.

:

00:52:05,655 --> 00:52:07,515

I'm glad you wrote this

article, my brother.

:

00:52:07,515 --> 00:52:08,535

Let me give you a round of Applauses.

:

00:52:10,095 --> 00:52:10,665

.

Brad Bowling: Thank you sir.

:

00:52:11,355 --> 00:52:12,435

Alright, that's for money.

:

00:52:12,435 --> 00:52:13,305

No, not the sound effects.

:

00:52:13,305 --> 00:52:13,635

Tony.

:

00:52:13,755 --> 00:52:13,935

Right?

:

00:52:13,965 --> 00:52:14,655

Not the sound effects.

:

00:52:14,655 --> 00:52:15,525

You got sound effects now.

:

00:52:15,525 --> 00:52:16,035

I got sound.

:

00:52:16,035 --> 00:52:17,100

It's a new beat, bro.

:

00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:17,940

Studio bro.

:

00:52:17,940 --> 00:52:19,060

Bro, bro, I see growth.

:

00:52:19,455 --> 00:52:20,785

We, we, I see growth.

:

00:52:20,975 --> 00:52:22,107

Tony Tidbit: I told you, right?

:

00:52:22,107 --> 00:52:26,084

We turned in some bottles

that we've been seeing.

:

00:52:26,085 --> 00:52:26,885

We turned them in.

:

00:52:27,105 --> 00:52:28,615

We got, we need a live audience now.

:

00:52:28,844 --> 00:52:29,675

We need a live audience.

:

00:52:29,835 --> 00:52:30,335

You know what I'm saying?

:

00:52:30,375 --> 00:52:35,154

So now I can, I want to always thank

my audience, my, my, my guests,

:

00:52:35,365 --> 00:52:38,435

they come on and bring it like

you brought it today, my brother.

:

00:52:38,435 --> 00:52:39,664

So I love you a lot.

:

00:52:39,665 --> 00:52:40,364

I appreciate it.

:

00:52:40,365 --> 00:52:41,015

I love you.

:

00:52:41,705 --> 00:52:43,455

And, uh, you stay right there.

:

00:52:43,495 --> 00:52:43,955

Okay.

:

00:52:43,955 --> 00:52:46,305

Because we're going to, uh,

Brad Bowling is going to help

:

00:52:46,305 --> 00:52:47,585

us with our call to action.

:

00:52:47,764 --> 00:52:51,644

So I think it's now time

for what Tony's tidbit.

:

00:52:51,685 --> 00:52:55,355

So the tidbit today, and

obviously it's always about.

:

00:52:55,950 --> 00:52:57,380

What our episode is.

:

00:52:57,390 --> 00:53:02,420

So the tidbit today is building

bridges over troubled waters,

:

00:53:02,830 --> 00:53:09,310

forgiveness in families teaches us

that healing is not about erasing

:

00:53:09,310 --> 00:53:13,670

the past, but letting go of its hold.

:

00:53:14,075 --> 00:53:15,315

On our lives.

:

00:53:15,835 --> 00:53:16,535

Okay.

:

00:53:16,785 --> 00:53:20,665

And Brad Bowling, his article,

please make sure you check it out.

:

00:53:20,665 --> 00:53:22,385

Surviving the loss of a living child.

:

00:53:22,535 --> 00:53:23,875

He talks about that.

:

00:53:23,875 --> 00:53:25,345

We talked about that today.

:

00:53:25,585 --> 00:53:28,895

So it's important for whatever

your circumstance and I get it.

:

00:53:29,095 --> 00:53:30,014

I totally get it.

:

00:53:30,255 --> 00:53:30,665

Right.

:

00:53:30,675 --> 00:53:31,535

They were wrong.

:

00:53:31,605 --> 00:53:32,124

Totally get it.

:

00:53:32,125 --> 00:53:32,629

Right.

:

00:53:32,940 --> 00:53:36,290

Some point we got to forgive

and we got to move on, right?

:

00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:41,019

So please don't forget to check

out the next need to know by Dr.

:

00:53:41,019 --> 00:53:45,649

Nsenga Burton, which appears on the Black

Executive Perspective every Thursday.

:

00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:46,170

Dr.

:

00:53:46,559 --> 00:53:50,959

Burton brings on and dives into

the timely, crucial topics that

:

00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:52,889

shape our community and world.

:

00:53:52,990 --> 00:53:56,620

You don't want to miss what's going on

because, you know, what Brad Bowling

:

00:53:56,620 --> 00:54:00,900

just got talking about in social media

where we're liking and looking in

:

00:54:00,900 --> 00:54:04,480

10 seconds here and that and you're

missing things that can, that's going

:

00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:06,259

to affect your life, your community.

:

00:54:06,470 --> 00:54:10,319

So, make sure you check out need

to know by Dr Nsenga Burton.

:

00:54:11,050 --> 00:54:15,240

Every week, every Thursday on a

black executive perspective podcast.

:

00:54:15,430 --> 00:54:20,030

So again, I hope you enjoy the

episode with Brad Bowling, surviving

:

00:54:20,030 --> 00:54:21,390

the loss of a living child.

:

00:54:21,580 --> 00:54:24,510

So now it's time for BEP's call to action.

:

00:54:24,749 --> 00:54:25,580

Call it less.

:

00:54:25,895 --> 00:54:28,965

Our goal, our platform, why we're here.

:

00:54:29,205 --> 00:54:32,865

It's about decreasing all

forms of discrimination.

:

00:54:33,145 --> 00:54:37,635

So we use the acronym less L E S S.

:

00:54:37,715 --> 00:54:39,165

So Brad is going to kick us off.

:

00:54:39,175 --> 00:54:40,614

What does L stand for Brad?

:

00:54:41,055 --> 00:54:43,735

Educate yourself on racial

and cultural nuances.

:

00:54:44,555 --> 00:54:45,305

Exactly.

:

00:54:45,345 --> 00:54:45,565

Right.

:

00:54:45,565 --> 00:54:47,945

And then E stands for empathy.

:

00:54:48,145 --> 00:54:48,665

Okay.

:

00:54:48,805 --> 00:54:51,965

Once you've learned, and now

you become more enlightened,

:

00:54:52,055 --> 00:54:53,149

you should have more empathy.

:

00:54:53,410 --> 00:54:56,980

And you should be more empathetic to

your friends, your colleagues, your

:

00:54:56,980 --> 00:54:58,930

neighbors, because now you understand

:

00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:00,360

Brad Bowling: what they've

been going through.

:

00:55:02,070 --> 00:55:05,250

And then next to share your

insights to enlighten others.

:

00:55:05,820 --> 00:55:06,680

Tony Tidbit: Exactly.

:

00:55:06,860 --> 00:55:08,210

And then the final S.

:

00:55:08,655 --> 00:55:09,375

is stop.

:

00:55:09,535 --> 00:55:13,195

We want to stop discrimination

as it walks into our path.

:

00:55:13,225 --> 00:55:18,945

So if Aunt Jenny says something at the

Sunday dinner table that's inappropriate,

:

00:55:18,945 --> 00:55:22,085

you say Aunt Jenny, we don't believe that.

:

00:55:22,224 --> 00:55:23,965

We don't talk that way.

:

00:55:24,215 --> 00:55:25,974

And you stop it immediately.

:

00:55:25,985 --> 00:55:30,325

So if everyone Can incorporate

less in their daily walk.

:

00:55:30,325 --> 00:55:32,615

And this is something that's

in everyone's control.

:

00:55:33,635 --> 00:55:37,655

LESS will have a more fair

and understanding world.

:

00:55:37,935 --> 00:55:42,575

And more importantly, we'll all be able

to see the change that we want to see.

:

00:55:42,924 --> 00:55:45,214

Because less will become more.

:

00:55:45,625 --> 00:55:49,805

So again, you can continue to follow

a black executive perspective podcast,

:

00:55:49,915 --> 00:55:50,985

wherever you get your podcast.

:

00:55:51,585 --> 00:55:57,384

And you can follow us on our social

media accounts at Tik TOK X, YouTube,

:

00:55:57,385 --> 00:56:03,714

Facebook, and Instagram at a black exec

for our fabulous guest, the president

:

00:56:04,065 --> 00:56:06,465

of cold M magazine, Brad Bowling.

:

00:56:07,010 --> 00:56:08,430

I'm Tony tidbit.

:

00:56:08,540 --> 00:56:11,390

We really enjoyed talking

to you about it today.

:

00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:12,830

We love you.

:

00:56:13,060 --> 00:56:13,910

And guess what?

:

00:56:14,100 --> 00:56:14,570

We're out

:

00:56:18,850 --> 00:56:21,420

BEP Narrator: a black

executive perspective.

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