In this episode, we tackle the anxiety of making big career decisions with insights from psychotherapist Dominic Decker. Dominic explores common struggles such as procrastination, perfectionism, and fear of failure, sharing strategies to tune into your body's intuition and make authentic choices. Perfect for mid-career professionals, Dominic's wisdom will help you transform unease into clarity, whether you're considering a new role, a promotion, or a career change. Dive in to learn how to replace indecisiveness with clear resolve and guide your life’s direction confidently.

Speaker Links:

Connect with Dominic on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominic-decker

Dig a little deeper:

If you enjoyed this, you might also enjoy my Life Satisfaction Assessment. It's a 30-minute program where I guide you through a deep dive into 10 areas of your life to assess what's bringing you joy and what's bringing you down. I call it Derailed and it's a fabulous place to begin a joy-at-work redesign.

https://www.midlifeunstuck.com/derailed

Should I take that new job?

Accept that promotion?

Pitch a four day week?

Move sideways?

Move industries?

Or change career altogether?

Big decisions bring anxiety.

And Dominic Decker understands anxiety more than anyone I know.

He's a psychotherapist who, in the next nine minutes, articulates

beautifully some of the messiness of difficult decision making.

You know what I mean.

Procrastination.

Perfectionism.

Fear of failure.

Nasty, inner, critical voices.

Basically, all the things that we mid career professionals, all

humans really, experience when facing a difficult decision.

I've re listened to this recording more times than any other in the summit.

His words are brilliant, but Dominic's voice, my heart rate

calms when I listen to it.

It's like meditation, but with so much value packed in,

you'll want to listen twice.

We all need a bit more Dominic Decker in our lives.

Let's dive in.

Hi, I'm Dominique Decker.

If you've tried to hold a beach ball underwater, you know that no

matter how hard you try, that ball is destined to burst to the surface.

It's only a matter of time.

Similarly, our bodies sends signals much like the persistent pressure

of a submerged beach ball, to nudge our attention towards the

choices and directions we take.

But what if we ignore these hints?

We often well up and overwhelm us.

So it pays to hear what our bodies have to say.

Yet maybe we don't always listen to our bodies messages, and

perhaps we don't even know how.

Well, since we're surrounded by influencers that pull us out of the

present moment, it's easy to turn a blind eye and fail to read our emotional

compass amidst the daily hustle.

But then later, in the quieter bedtime hours, may open the way to questions

about life direction, past decisions, and future choices, and these

surface and swirl through your mind.

Because it's often the case that when external noise dissipates,

the internal noise is amplified.

Now this disquiet can cause anxious feelings.

It's a sense of trepidation or unease.

It's like an apprehension that's hard to define or overcome.

So what do you do?

Well, maybe you divert your gaze.

Perhaps a book, your phone, or a tedious task provides a convenient and familiar

off ramp to avoid tuning in to your body's signals and confronting the broader

questions or tensions that you face.

Diversion is a skill honed from an early age, and when a child has a tantrum,

we often offer distractions like sugar or screens, perpetuating the unhelpful

notion that big emotions are inconvenient and should be somehow dampened down.

Yet as you may have experienced, denial or avoidance prolongs

disquiet and preoccupation.

Over time, this reduces your confidence in addressing the very

issues demanding your attention.

And for this reason, developing a constructive relationship with anxious

or ill defined feelings is essential.

Transforming feelings of unease into informative allies helps you

uncover and make authentic choices aligned with your desired experience.

And this can be particularly helpful when addressing common professional

conundrums such as assessing whether to apply for a new role or stay

or leave your current workplace.

But to do this, we need to harness a skill, and this is a tuning

into your body's intuition.

And this ability requires a comfortable relationship with still

and quiet, but most of us will do almost anything to avoid stillness.

Recall the last time you waited in line for the bathroom, or for a

friend in a public meeting space.

There's a fair chance you reached for your phone.

Now, whilst this isn't bad or wrong, it does illustrate how

modern habits bind us to a state of doing, instead of simply being.

As a result, you might miss the whispers that your body wants to share.

To illustrate how your body provides vital emotional information, it pays to

listen to the language of discomfort.

Well, imagine someone who panics on planes or elevators.

Or feels most disquieted when alone, or dislikes crowds.

Another might feel the peak of apprehension when their

partner returns from work.

In each of these examples, the themes of unease offer clues to

the unconscious issues at play.

Or panic that centres on being alone may be a clue that it's

time to reclaim community.

If friendships feel lonely, this might signal a need to show up as your

authentic self, or find different friends.

For someone experiencing fear in elevators or tunnels, and the issue centers around

being trapped or stuck, it's worth asking where else they might feel mired,

in their job or relationship perhaps.

For one feeling stranded, saying yes to every request and placing everyone

else's demands before their own, the internal tension may beckon them to speak

up and express their rights and wants.

The messages sent through the body will often lead you to the core of the matter.

After all, as Friedrich Nietzsche wrote, there is more wisdom in your

body than in your deepest philosophy.

And if we ignore the body's whispers, they'll soon turn into shouts

determined to garner our attention.

To hear the truth, we must get quiet and be prepared to surf

whatever emotional wave arises.

A listening to discomfort often reveals messages about deeper themes in our lives.

For instance, a person prone to confusion when making a decision will

often discover their uncertainty or hesitation is fuelled by a desire to

please others or avoid losing face.

In this case, confusion becomes a choice, a placeholder for

procrastination to avoid potential conflict or uncomfortable outcomes.

Acknowledging the root cause of our restlessness and distraction

is not easy for most of us.

Similarly, the clarity we need to be resolute and make

firm decisions can be elusive.

So instead, we may find ourselves in the slough of ambivalence.

Ambivalence, the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas, occurs

when someone can't make up their mind or make a decision because they're

getting lost in the pros or cons.

See if any of these common tensions resonate.

Career changes.

You might want a better job, but fear confronting unfamiliar terrain.

Relationships at work.

You're torn between being close with your colleagues and focusing solely

on efficiently completing your tasks.

Your work hours.

You want to quit working long hours but take pride in completing

your tasks to a high standard.

Learning and development.

You recognize the need to learn new skills but worry that pursuing

additional training might make colleagues think you're no longer

committed to your current role.

Networking.

You're caught between the comfort of working with familiar faces and the

necessity of expanding your contacts to enhance your career prospects.

Voicing opinions.

You want to share your thoughts in team meetings, but fear

being judged or misunderstood.

Asking for a raise.

You believe you deserve more money, but hesitate to ask for concern

that it may create tension with your employer or affect your job security.

Taking on new responsibilities.

You want to take on new and exciting projects, but worry about the additional

stress and potential for failure.

Work life balance.

You strive for a better work life balance, but remote work has you feeling you should

always be available to justify your role.

And retirement.

You're excited about freedom, yet also concerned about financial

security and losing some sense of identity as you navigate a new phase.

Now these examples illustrate how ambivalence invites the dilemma

of, If I do this, I'll lose that.

But then, if I do that, I might miss this.

It's FOMO.

Now listening carefully, you might realize that ambivalence masks an

underlying fear of what you assume you will lose if you make the wrong decision.

So to counter this, it helps to cut to the chase with a set of questions to address

the potential consequences of indecision.

And to combat the should I, shouldn't I predicament, it's

crucial to get clear on the potential consequences of procrastination.

So you might ask, what are the advantages that I might

miss by not making a decision?

What are the potential repercussions of not deciding?

And what if there is no wrong decision?

Now suppose you or someone you know is experiencing ambivalence.

In this case, it will help to describe one option in detail, including the

pros and cons to help move through the tyranny of standstill and indecision.

For instance, you might list as well all the things one decision would mean in

ten minutes from now, ten months from now, and even ten years further forward.

As you do this, aim to be receptive to what your intuition has to tell you.

Now, perhaps you might realize your apprehension is in fact, excitement

willing you forward to make a change.

Ultimately, the goal is to make a decision and commit to it.

And often, of course, there is no one correct path in life.

In this case, the best thing you can do is decide with the determination

that you will make it right.

And where does this begin?

By being willing and receptive to your intuition's messages, you can

replace confusion and indecisiveness with clarity and clear resolve.

In other words, you release the pressure and guide your irrepressible

beach ball to the surface.

Thanks for listening.

If you enjoyed this, you might also enjoy my

Life Satisfaction Assessment.

It's a 30 minute program where I guide you through a deep dive into 10 areas

of your life to assess what's bringing you joy and what's bringing you time.

I call it D.

It's a fabulous place to begin a joy at work redesign.