There's a set of skills we rely on everyday at work, often without realizing it: how we think about problems, make decisions, market our ideas, manage up, give feedback...they're all part of the operating system of how we interface with the business world.
I’m fascinated by these things both because they have a massive impact on our effectiveness and because they often go unexamined. They’re just part of how we operate. But what if our ways of working are holding us back? What if we could optimize them and radically improve our performance?
Today's guest is a serial entrepreneur, marketer, and operator. These days she focuses on exploring and writing about these "deceivingly basic" topics in one of my favourite newsletters, which reaches more than 250,000 people.
Many thanks to the sponsor of this episode - Knak.
If you don't know them (you should), Knak is an amazing email and landing page builder that integrates directly with your marketing automation platform.
You set the brand guidelines and then give your users a building experience that’s slick, modern and beautiful. When they’re done, everything goes to your MAP at the push of a button.
What's more, it supports global teams, approval workflows, and it’s got your integrations. Click the link below to get a special offer just for my listeners.
Wes Kao is an entrepreneur, speaker, coach, and advisor who writes at newsletter.weskao.com. She is co-founder of Maven, an edtech company that raised $25M from First Round and Andreessen Horowitz. Previously, she co-founded the altMBA with bestselling author Seth Godin.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/weskao/
This November, MOps-Apalooza is back in sunny, Anaheim, California, and it's going to be the marketing ops event of the year, packed with hands-on learning from real practitioners.
This is the only truly community-led tech-agnostic MOPS conference out there. It's got the best speakers, the best networking, the best social events, and maybe even a trip to Disneyland. This isn't your 50,000 person tech company conference. It's an intimate gathering of folks who are in the trenches every day.
Registration is capped at 700 attendees, and tickets are going fast.
Visit the RevOps FM Substack for our weekly newsletter:
justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520:
Welcome to RevOpsFM everyone.
2
:Today's guest is a marketer, an
entrepreneur, and a writer, Wes Cahill.
3
:In 2014, she launched Alt MBA
with Seth Godin, which has
4
:served thousands of students.
5
:And then she went on to co found
Maven, which is a platform for live.
6
:Cohort based courses, but I became
familiar with Wes through her weekly
7
:newsletter at Wes ko That's weskao.
8
:com Which reaches more than 250
000 readers and if you're not
9
:already one of them You should
definitely go check it out.
10
:It is one of my favorites
and Wes touches on marketing.
11
:She touches on ops She touches on
entrepreneurship But really why I like
12
:her writing is that she's often dealing
with topics that are kind of a level
13
:You Deeper than any one functional area.
14
:She writes about how to think, how to
communicate, how people relate to each
15
:other in a business context, how to make
decisions, stuff that's really part of the
16
:core operating system of business life.
17
:And she brings this clarity of insight and
a keenness of observation to these topics.
18
:I think no one else writes more
posts that when I see them, I think
19
:I wish I could have written that.
20
:So Wes, I am thrilled to have you
on the show today, and I really
21
:look forward to chatting with you.
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:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520:
Thanks, Justin.
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:And those were very kind words.
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:So thank
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:you.
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:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520: So.
27
:I wrote that intro and then I saw on
your website you wrote that you are
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:fascinated by topics that are deceivingly
basic, which is essentially a much more
29
:pithy way of saying what I just said.
30
:And I thought it was a perfect
description of your subject matter.
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:I'm just curious, we can start with why,
why do those subjects appeal to you?
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:What draws you to write about that?
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:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520: I think
that there are a lot of pieces of advice
34
:that we see on a daily basis around
management, leadership, being good at
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:your job that are too generic and too
Captain Obvious, you know, you read it
36
:and you're like, Yes, I agree with that.
37
:Of course.
38
:I agree with that.
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:Like, who would disagree?
40
:and yet trying to put it into practice.
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:There's definitely a gap.
42
:and so where is that gap?
43
:clearly it's something between this
abstract theory and the realities of.
44
:Daily life and real relationships
and real situations at work.
45
:So, I love topics that are deceivingly
basic because, you might think, oh,
46
:well, I already understand that, or
there's nothing left to unpack there.
47
:but very often there is, and I think
that the upside is in understanding,
48
:on a deeper level, whether it's
the specifics or the concrete
49
:or the nuances of a situation.
50
:so I like unpacking that every
week in my newsletter because I
51
:personally find it fascinating.
52
:and I love nerding out with other
people who also find it fascinating.
53
:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520: I'm
sure other people touch on these subjects,
54
:but don't see a lot of them out there.
55
:And I, maybe that's why your work is
resonating with a lot of people, because
56
:It's things that like for me, when I
read it, I'm like, Oh yeah, of course.
57
:I don't know, use a concrete example.
58
:You were talking about the power dynamics
of a situation where you're sending
59
:your like Calendly link to somebody
like it's just things that people
60
:process in this almost unconscious way.
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:And you're kind of teasing that
up and bringing it to the surface
62
:and, holding it to the light.
63
:So I just, find that really valuable.
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:Is that just sort of a natural,
You make an observation and
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:you find it interesting.
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:Are you deliberately searching
these situations out?
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:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520:
Basically, whenever I catch
68
:myself thinking something.
69
:I pause and.
70
:Ask why and try to think, is
there something beneath that?
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:and is my reaction justified?
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:So a lot of my posts come from me
asking myself, is my reaction justified?
73
:and, uh, there's this great
subreddit that's very popular
74
:called, am I the asshole?
75
:A I T
76
:A.
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:I don't know if you've heard
of it, but it's amazing.
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:So basically people from the internet
submit situations that they're
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:dealing with and ask for help
figuring out, there's four options.
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:one is you are the asshole.
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:Two is the other person is the asshole.
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:Three is neither of you are assholes.
83
:Four is, both of you are assholes.
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:And then five is there's
not enough information.
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:And so I think about AITA all the
time in my own life, you know?
86
:So if I get a Calendly, request from
someone who, you sounds a little bit
87
:too cavalier, a little bit entitled or
demanding, biz dev person in my LinkedIn,
88
:DMS sliding to the DM saying like,
pick a time here, that feels off to me.
89
:So when I, get the feeling of like, oh,
like that feels weird, I like to think
90
:like, wait, am I being unreasonable or
is the other person being unreasonable?
91
:Or maybe are we both
potentially being unreasonable?
92
:and I try to think about that,
in a bit more granularity.
93
:and usually, I like
thinking about both sides.
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:So I like thinking about, both, the
person sending that message and the
95
:person receiving it, because I'm often
that person sending outreach, right?
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:Like all of us are, whether it's,
you know, an intro email or, uh,
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:DMing someone that you think cool.
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:You've been following their work.
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:Like we are often on both sides of the
situation, depending on the circumstances.
100
:So I like putting myself in the
shoes of, both parties, and thinking,
101
:why might someone have done that?
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:Why might it have felt.
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:Like the appropriate thing to do
for that person, why might it have
104
:been reasonable in their mind?
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:And then on the other side, why is that
the person who received it, who felt
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:like, Hey, like that felt a little bit
off, why is that person also justified?
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:And then what can both
parties do to better translate
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:their intent into reality?
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:Because I think a lot of times, like when
we're the ones pitching or when we're the
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:ones making a request to other people.
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:we're not thinking, you know, Hey, I
want to be entitled or Hey, you know,
112
:I want to come off as someone who
doesn't appreciate other people's time.
113
:Like no one is thinking that right.
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:But yet you still come
across that way sometimes.
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:Because your execution didn't take
into account certain nuances, that
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:the word choice that you used or,
the posture or assumptions you made
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:when you made this outreach, actually
made you seem kind of like a jerk.
118
:And I always think that, we can
only control our own behavior.
119
:and so you can complain that,
well, I didn't mean it that way.
120
:that wasn't my intent.
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:you can say that, and go
about living your life.
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:Great.
123
:You do you, or you can realize that, you
know, if the other person is interpreting
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:what I'm saying a certain way.
125
:and they're interpreting it not the way
I want them to, then I have the power
126
:to adjust the way that I communicate.
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:I have the power that I, to
adjust the way that I pitch
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:or make a request or whatever.
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:and so I'm, trying to always,
decrease the space between.
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:Your intent and the, impact and
reality of what the other person
131
:is actually hearing from you.
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:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520: One
of those things that, you've talked
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:about a lot is rigorous thinking.
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:which again is something that, we have
to think to do everything at work,
135
:like every decision, every task that
we work on, but it's sort of like
136
:we're focused on like the tactics or
the strategies or the end results.
137
:Not even like what's actually happening
on an individual level to produce that.
138
:Maybe just walk us through a little
bit, like your point of view on
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:rigorous thinking, why it's important.
140
:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520: Rigorous
thinking is having a systematic
141
:approach to making decisions.
142
:You know, we hear a lot about the
importance of thinking strategically,
143
:but I find that the word strategy
gets thrown around so much and you
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:know, this person is strategic.
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:This person is not, it gets thrown around
so much that it, I think it's lost.
146
:It's, it's lost.
147
:Meaning a bit.
148
:so I like saying rigorous thinking,
because to me, rigorous thinking is,
149
:sharing your logic and thought process
and rationale behind why you are
150
:doing something and inviting critique.
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:So there's two parts of rigorous thinking.
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:First is, asking yourself hard
questions about why are you doing
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:this and what's the best way to do it.
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:For trying to get from point A to point
B, what are the different steps needed?
155
:What are the assumptions
that we're making?
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:what does success look like?
157
:And putting a bit of thought up front into
your approach before diving straight in.
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:I think sometimes people, push back and
say, well, like I don't have time for
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:rigorous thinking, you know, isn't it
all about shipping fast and diving right
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:in and iterating learning by doing.
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:Do what should I say?
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:It's both.
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:So you should put a little bit of
thought up front into what you're about
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:to do and then jump into doing it.
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:And you're going to learn
and iterate, of course.
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:but you don't want to burn your
energy making avoidable mistakes.
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:So I do think that there are,
better and worse mistakes.
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:There's a spectrum.
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:There's some things where if you
literally thought about it for 10
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:seconds, you would have realized
that this was an obvious risk.
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:so you can either, waste your energy
on those, or you can, spend that energy
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:iterating, from a higher baseline.
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:So that's kind of part one is
putting some thought upfront
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:into what you're about to do.
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:Part two is.
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:The debate culture aspect.
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:So, no matter how much thinking
you put up front, there's
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:going to be potential holes.
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:In the way you're looking at something
because you're looking at it from
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:your own singular perspective.
181
:and, one of the powerful things about
rigorous thinking is encouraging a culture
182
:of debate where, any idea goes, anyone
at any level can propose an idea and
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:make a suggestion, make a recommendation,
but you should be prepared to explain
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:your thinking behind that, to advocate
for your idea and to make the business
185
:case for it and to welcome critique.
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:That once you share your idea that other
people are allowed to poke holes and
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:ask you about how does this part work,
or I'm not quite sure I agree with this
188
:assumption, or I feel like you're making
a logical leap getting from here to here.
189
:and that is very much a
part of rigorous thinking.
190
:and so, you know, 1 way I suggest.
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:Managers and leaders to start
encouraging a culture of rigorous
192
:thinking is to ask their team members.
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:What do you think?
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:Give people a chance to think rigorously,
to put, all these questions into
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:play for themselves, to feel on the
hook and to feel, skin in the game.
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:If you're always the one doing
all the rigorous thinking and then
197
:structuring, scoping, and shaping a
project before giving it to someone
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:for them to execute, they're never
going to have the opportunity to ask
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:these hard questions for themselves.
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:So you can't be surprised when,
you know, they're not quote
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:unquote thinking strategically.
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:So it's about.
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:really putting the thought up
front, allowing and encouraging
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:debate, and then giving your team
a chance to really practice that.
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:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520: There's
a lot of companies that have this idea of
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:the best idea wins, or, we have a culture
of, they might not use the term rigorous
207
:thinking, but they aspire to that, or
they have it as one of their values.
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:In practice, it doesn't
always work that way.
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:ideas get dismissed out of hand.
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:Like one person's logic is
superior to another person's logic.
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:There's still a lot of
this room for subjectivity.
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:how do you address this?
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:Is it just a matter of like
organizational commitment?
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:Is it a matter of calling it out,
especially when it comes from the
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:leadership levels, it often does.
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:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520: It definitely
needs to be something that the leadership
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:team cares about and believes in.
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:I think as an individual in
an organization, you have a
219
:limited amount of leverage.
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:To be able to change things 180 degrees.
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:So, it needs to be something that,
your manager cares about, that
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:your leadership team cares about.
223
:and so, you know, usually when I
write, I write for, again, both sides.
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:I write for both the direct
reader, who's going to be
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:implementing rigorous thinking.
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:and, also for the manager or leader
who, sometimes needs to be sold to.
227
:so with rigorous thinking, for example,
I think this is very beneficial for
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:managers and leaders who want their team
members to come to them with better ideas.
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:I think a lot of managers, end up feeling
like the bad guy who always has to say no.
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:You know, their team is always coming to
them saying, you know, can we try this?
231
:Or, oh, I think we should do this.
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:And if you're always having
to say, no, that's not a
233
:positive experience for anyone.
234
:and you're also having to sift
through a lot of bad ideas and you're
235
:also carrying the full weight of
doing all the strategic thinking.
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:So, um, I think, you know, really
thinking about how is this beneficial
237
:for managers who might want to do
this, and also for team members.
238
:Who want to do this, and I think
that that's important to think
239
:about again, both sides, because,
90 percent of managers are
240
:also direct reports themselves.
241
:So I think we don't really acknowledge
or talk about this out loud, or
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:at least I haven't really seen,
people be explicit about this.
243
:It's usually here's advice
for managers and leaders.
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:Here's advice for direct reports.
245
:But, unless you're the CEO, the CEO
reports to the board, but, you know, let's
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:just say like CEO in an organization.
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:So, if you're the CMO, if you're a co
founder, if you're an SVP, you might
248
:have a big team and they see you as
the boss, but you also have a boss.
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:So, really understanding
both sides of that.
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:I think makes us better leaders and
managers where we're able to put
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:ourselves in the shoes of other people.
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:I think as a direct report, you also
realize that all the stuff that you worry
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:about with your manager, your manager's
also worried about with their manager.
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:So there's a little bit of, I don't know
if it's schoenfreude, but, you know, a
255
:little bit of, of we're in the same boat
here, that I think is very encouraging.
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:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520: Do
you find that rigorous thinking is like
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:this capability is sort of just a core
human trait that anybody can develop?
258
:Or is it something akin to
like, I dunno, creativity.
259
:Like some people are like, I'm a
creative or like I'm a numbers person.
260
:Like everyone has it to a degree,
but some people spike higher in
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:that part of the chart than others.
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:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520:
It's probably both.
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:I think that there are some people
who naturally, might see more risks
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:and be able to de risk, for example.
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:So I would say that I'm naturally a hyper
vigilant person, which has pros and cons.
266
:So I consider it a strength though,
because my mind just naturally has a
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:filter where I'm constantly thinking
what could potentially go wrong.
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:And then how can I stack
the deck in my favor?
269
:towards a favorable outcome, so some
people might not think that way.
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:and many times I wish I didn't
think that way because it can be
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:kind of hard to turn off sometimes.
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:So everyone has their own strengths,
and characteristics, that are often,
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:you know, strength and weaknesses
are two sides of the same coin.
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:but I think with rigorous thinking
that it is very much a learnable skill.
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:So, you know, I have 20 some questions
in my post that you can ask yourself.
276
:and many times when you see
any one of those questions, you
277
:immediately have a reaction.
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:You immediately have an idea.
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:I had a coaching call an
hour ago with a client.
280
:and, you know, we were talking about
de risking something and, literally
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:asking the question of, you know,
what are potential risks here?
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:I said, you know, I bet you already
have some that immediately come to mind.
283
:And he said, yes, I
already know what they are.
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:Like, we don't need to talk about that.
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:We can move on to the next thing.
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:And it was great because.
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:It just shows that, sometimes even,
asking yourself a certain question
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:or realizing you should think about
something is 80 percent of the
289
:battle because your subconscious has
already been connecting the dots.
290
:So, it's more about remembering
to pause and think rigorously,
291
:and then let yourself kind of
fill in the blanks from there.
292
:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520: Have
you seen a company, struggle to get here?
293
:Like what are some of the factors.
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:that might lead to, a failure
to implement this sort of thing
295
:on a broad cultural level.
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:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520: One
area where I see leaders sometimes
297
:fumble is, you know, they say to their
teams, I want you to think rigorously.
298
:I want you to put more thought
into how this would actually work.
299
:and I also want you to speak
up to ask clarifying questions.
300
:So I want us to be really direct.
301
:And then their, team member comes
to them with a question or with an
302
:idea, or, wanting to, have thought
partnership and, a sparring session.
303
:and then the manager either jumps right
in to solve the problem for that person,
304
:or gives that person a wrist slap and
makes it a negative experience that
305
:the person shared their point of view.
306
:I think as humans, as creatures,
we are all very sensitive
307
:to negative experiences.
308
:It becomes a black spot in our memory.
309
:Hey, Justin told me that I should
come to him and share a point of
310
:view and advocate for my idea.
311
:I did that.
312
:And then he said it was stupid
and like said to go back to work.
313
:if that happens, the chances
that that person is going to
314
:want to do it again is very low.
315
:the other thing to keep
in mind is as a leader.
316
:Your words carry more weight
in the minds of your team.
317
:That is just fact.
318
:That is just truth.
319
:There's a power dynamic there.
320
:So even when you say something casually or
you know, flippantly, people might think
321
:that you were really serious about it.
322
:Right?
323
:So there's a great Silicon Valley,
episode where I think the, the CEO
324
:of the Google of the show, I forget
what it's called, but it's like.
325
:You know, the fake Google says
something very casual, didn't mean it.
326
:I think he said something
like, we need more honey for
327
:the bear, something like that.
328
:And then his team goes off and
spends two weeks trying to dissect
329
:what he means running around.
330
:I think they, at one point they
like get a real brown bear, right.
331
:And something, and he's like, wait, no,
I just meant that, in the kitchenette.
332
:we ran out of that, the honey
that comes out of the, you
333
:know, the shape of like a bear.
334
:Um, and so like that, that's real, right?
335
:It's funny because it's true.
336
:and so I think as a leader, you
just have to be cognizant of that.
337
:and my takeaway from it is that I
want to really celebrate and reward
338
:the behavior that I want to see.
339
:if I say, I want you to ask clarifying
questions, I want you to raise your
340
:hand if you don't understand something.
341
:I don't want you to suffer in silence.
342
:If my team member comes
to me and has a question.
343
:Because they did what I asked,
I'm going to celebrate that.
344
:I'm going to say, awesome.
345
:I love that you brought this up.
346
:Right.
347
:Even if I think the question is like,
Hmm, maybe not a great question, whatever.
348
:The broader point that I want to emphasize
is I liked that you brought this up to me.
349
:I want you to do this again.
350
:This is great.
351
:I'm not going to be bad at you.
352
:So.
353
:Realizing that you have the power to
shape your culture by celebrating certain
354
:types of behavior and reinforcing that
over time, that becomes your culture that
355
:becomes the way that I talk, Justin, that
becomes Justin's leadership style, right?
356
:over and over that becomes what
it's like to work around here.
357
:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520: as
you're talking there, I was thinking
358
:about past experiences that I've had
where a lot of people that end up in
359
:very senior leadership positions can be
a a little bit off the wall, sometimes a
360
:little bit zany, a little bit mercurial.
361
:And, People can form like judgments
and create impressions very quickly.
362
:And if you're worried about that, like, I
better not go to so and so with this idea,
363
:I better be careful asking such and such a
question, you know, it's really limiting.
364
:like you said, you're
not going to do that.
365
:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520: and I
think again, really thinking about what
366
:is within our control is useful here.
367
:So with a manager and leader, I would say.
368
:you should expect to repeat yourself more
often than, you think you will have to.
369
:very often I hear, you know, a CEO will
say to everyone or their leadership team.
370
:I said this 20 times, how are
people not getting it And then the
371
:leadership team will say, I think you
said that once, maybe max twice max.
372
:And then the rest of the team will
say, wait, you said that at all.
373
:Like you said that even once,
so there's a little bit of
374
:telephone where things get lost.
375
:And so as a leader, I think setting your
own expectations to not get frustrated
376
:that you'll have to repeat yourself.
377
:And then second, that, to be mindful
of, am I celebrating what I want to see?
378
:I'd keep those two in mind.
379
:but then as a direct report, as a team
member, I think it's also important
380
:to think what's within my control.
381
:and if you realize that, you know,
CEOs can be mercurial creatures,
382
:and have their idiosyncrasies.
383
:well, what's your takeaway from that?
384
:And my takeaway is that, you should
confirm understanding and, feel a
385
:sense of ownership for making sure you
get what you need from that person.
386
:So they should do their part to
communicate, et cetera, but you also
387
:need to make sure you get what you need.
388
:and I think actually senior leaders
are, best at managing up many junior
389
:people think, Oh, at a certain point,
I won't have to manage up anymore.
390
:but actually senior leaders are
best at dealing with CEOs who are
391
:sometimes scatterbrained are sometimes.
392
:little bit Kurt who don't necessarily,
think of the other point of view
393
:or who say random things, right?
394
:senior leaders know that
they need to parse out.
395
:What do you actually mean here?
396
:that they need to confirm that,
this is what I'm about to do, or
397
:this is the priority here, right?
398
:So they're constantly managing
up, and, realizing that it's your
399
:responsibility to get what you need to
do a great job, not to expect people to.
400
:lay out everything for you
really neatly, really clearly.
401
:when both people, try their, do
their part, I think that's when
402
:a really great manager direct
report relationship happens.
403
:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520: So
we've kind of come into the subject of,
404
:communication and I know you've written
dozens of posts on this, so it's like
405
:a big, big subject, and something that
a lot of people, frankly, I think just
406
:struggle with, like they are under
optimized with their communication.
407
:and they suffer
professionally as a result.
408
:So if you had to think of like the
top things that someone should work
409
:on or implement to just improve
in this area, what would they be?
410
:Yeah.
411
:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520: The first
thing is probably a concept in the
412
:military called bottom line upfront.
413
:Bluff, B L U F, the person that
you are communicating to might
414
:be coming out of a meeting.
415
:They might be task switching.
416
:they might have a surface level
understanding only of what it is
417
:that you're doing, or they might
not be thinking about it as much.
418
:So for ourselves, our work is a hundred
percent of the pie for your manager.
419
:However, your work might be 10%.
420
:Of what they think about on a daily
basis because they have six other
421
:direct reports and their own IC work and
managing up to their boss's priorities.
422
:So when you just shoot something over
without thinking about the right amount
423
:of context that that person needs, you
can end up creating a lot of back and
424
:forth, which wastes a lot of time, a lot
of effort, a lot of energy, and is just
425
:frustrating and annoying for everyone.
426
:and so when you put the bottom line
up front, you are super clear with.
427
:What it is that you are asserting,
whether it's a recommendation,
428
:a question, an action item,
and then putting context below.
429
:So the way that I adapt bluff in,
let's say a Slack message is putting
430
:the main point up front, and then
saying context colon, and then I
431
:might have paragraphs of context.
432
:So what you do there is you
are giving your reader agency.
433
:To either read only the bottom line.
434
:If they get it, great, they can move on.
435
:Or if they have questions about
how you got there, they can
436
:read the rest of the context.
437
:And I think the reason this is important
is because, there are some pieces of
438
:communication where you can't simply
quote, unquote, be concise, right?
439
:Because usually people are like,
oh, we'll just make it shorter.
440
:and that's not always practical because
the, Thought process and your rationale
441
:behind what it is that you're saying
might be actually just as important,
442
:if not more important than the final
bottom line that you came up with.
443
:the bolder, the claim, or the more
controversial claim, the more you
444
:need to back it up, the more you need
to support what it is that you're
445
:saying and convince the other person.
446
:So sometimes you do need that, real
estate to describe why it is it.
447
:You got to where you got to.
448
:So, putting the main point and then
context below I found is a super useful
449
:way, to separate out what it is that
you're saying and, be more concise, but
450
:also comprehensive at the same time.
451
:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520:
There's a similar kind of idea called the
452
:pyramid principle came out of McKinsey.
453
:We have a lot of ex
McKinsey folks where I work.
454
:So it's like one of the things
we try to practice at my company.
455
:It's such a transformational principle.
456
:Like just reorient, like rather than
like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
457
:So like, all right.
458
:And then there's this thing I
want you to know or decide or do.
459
:just starting with that bottom line and
it really changes how you're perceived,
460
:not only is it clear for the other person,
but you just like, you seem sharper, you
461
:seem more professional, more competent.
462
:why don't more people do this?
463
:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520: because they
don't realize that it's actually doing
464
:multiple cognitive steps at the same time.
465
:when you are trying to be concise in
real time, the reason that it's hard
466
:is because You're usually describing
something for the first time, right?
467
:If you're in conversation talking
about something, you're talking
468
:in a stream of conscious you're
trying to assess the importance.
469
:of various things that you're
saying, as you are saying them.
470
:And so therefore that's where you
get situations where it's, blah,
471
:blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
472
:This important thing, super
buried in the middle, blah, blah,
473
:blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
474
:Right.
475
:Because you're like, you're
thinking as you are speaking.
476
:that's super important to recognize.
477
:as an issue, because otherwise
everyone knows they should be concise.
478
:Like, why isn't everyone
just concise then?
479
:Like if it were that easy, right?
480
:So I think we need to realize
like, what is the root problem?
481
:And I think the root problem is we're
trying to do too many things at once.
482
:So this is why when you are drafting
a message, often the last few
483
:sentences you pull up to the top.
484
:Well, why is that?
485
:Because you realize what you were
really trying to say as you got
486
:near to the end, as you yourself
clarified your own thinking.
487
:So, when you're speaking in real time, it
can be a little bit harder to do, which is
488
:why I highly recommend for folks to Take
a moment to prepare, especially if they're
489
:presenting something, especially if you
know you're going to get certain obvious
490
:questions to take a moment to think
about how you want to answer something.
491
:because in my experience, it's
extremely difficult to do that in
492
:real time for something that you are
talking about for the first time.
493
:if you've talked about something.
494
:Often, or we've talked about it
before it becomes a lot easier, right?
495
:So we all have stories that we've told
dozens of times and you know, every
496
:beat to that story, you know, when
people are going to laugh, you know,
497
:when people are going to gasp, you
know, when people are going to hold
498
:their breath because you've told the
story a bunch of times you've figured
499
:out what is the core arc of that story.
500
:But in normal conversation with
your coworkers, your boss in a
501
:meeting, that's just not the case.
502
:So the only way I found around that is.
503
:Taking a few moments to prepare,
so you can clarify your own
504
:thinking a bit beforehand.
505
:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520:
Totally.
506
:And we've touched a little bit
on, this concept of managing up.
507
:Maybe we can dive a bit deeper into that
and that specific type of communication.
508
:The first thing that strikes me when
I think about this is the, true, like
509
:weirdness of the relationship, like the,
manager employee relationship, because
510
:it's like, are they there to help you?
511
:Are they there to make you perform?
512
:Are they there to like supervise you
and punish you when you do wrong?
513
:And there's like an element.
514
:Of all of this going on, what's
the right way for someone to
515
:conceptualize this relationship in
order to get the most out of it?
516
:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520: You mentioned
a bunch of things that a manager might do.
517
:I would say the answer
is D, all of the above.
518
:And I think that's why the relationship
is so complex and can Create anxiety.
519
:I think on both sides.
520
:I think there are very few Dynamics in
our lives where someone, is both there to
521
:support and guide you but also is there
to evaluate you and has the power to
522
:cut off The way you make a living Right.
523
:So the stakes are relatively high.
524
:I posted about this on LinkedIn
and a bunch of people were like,
525
:well, it's kind of like the parent
child relationship in some ways.
526
:I disagree with that.
527
:first it's kind of weird and
infantilizing and paternalistic.
528
:but the other thing is, once you become
an adult, most people opt in to have,
529
:you know, an ongoing relationship with
their parents and and there's a spectrum
530
:you can have as a little contact with
your parents as you want to, or as
531
:much as you want to, and having less
contact doesn't mean that you can't
532
:pay your mortgage or pay your bills.
533
:Right.
534
:and so, you know, the power dynamic
there is different once you're an adult.
535
:so yeah, I think it's a, a
very, unique relationship.
536
:I'm still processing, you know,
what are really the takeaways there?
537
:Because I think first, just
acknowledging that it's kind of
538
:a weird situation is, is useful.
539
:for me, it's useful because I've
definitely spent, nights not being
540
:able to fall asleep, being anxious.
541
:Because of something that happened with
my manager, I think many of us have,
542
:it's almost, encompassing to a certain
degree that, if your relationship
543
:with your manager is rocky and you are
worried about being let go, or you're
544
:worried about what they're thinking
of you, it's almost like you can't
545
:really focus on anything else, right?
546
:It's, effectively an existential
threat to your psyche.
547
:you know, many times I've
beaten myself up over that.
548
:That why can't I just let it go?
549
:Why can't I just care less?
550
:and I think acknowledging that no,
like there's a reason why you care
551
:so much and why this feels so heavy,
that in itself removes that judgment.
552
:So you at least stop spending energy
judging yourself, and can kind of
553
:focus on, on the problem at hand
and see it with a bit more clarity.
554
:So I think that's one piece.
555
:I think the other piece is
that, you know, I think a lot
556
:about, information asymmetry.
557
:in this situation, and there's
this weird thing where you both
558
:the manager and direct for it
want to be honest with each other.
559
:but there are some things where you can't
really be that honest, on both sides.
560
:and I think that that's a weird line
to tread, and that requires judgment.
561
:this is where savviness comes into play.
562
:because if you share where you're
struggling, but you share it in a way
563
:where you act like a quivering bowl of
jello that has no, internal fortitude, it
564
:does not inspire trust in your manager.
565
:To give you bigger projects or, to
trust you to handle certain things.
566
:Right.
567
:so, so that's kind of awkward.
568
:you know, at the same time, people think
like, oh, well, my manager has all the
569
:power, The power dynamic is, one such
that the firing direction goes one way.
570
:And that is true.
571
:but that's also again, too
simplistic because many
572
:managers feedback to their team.
573
:why would you worry if you had
all the power, why would you worry
574
:about telling so and so that they're
doing a shitty job at this thing?
575
:Right.
576
:It's because you're afraid
they're going to rage quit on you.
577
:And you don't want that to happen.
578
:You're going to have
to backfill this role.
579
:It's going to take three to six months.
580
:you're going to look like a bad manager.
581
:So to your manager, you're going
to look incompetent and they're
582
:not going to want to give you more
head count or more responsibility.
583
:So actually managers are just
as worried as direct reports.
584
:They're just worried
about different things.
585
:in some ways.
586
:Managers have more at stake, different
stuff at stake, let's say, because, the
587
:higher you climb, the further you fall.
588
:And so they're trying to
protect what they've built their
589
:reputation as a leader, and, if,
their team members are unhappy.
590
:And unproductive that
doesn't reflect well on that.
591
:Right.
592
:So I think, understanding the psychology
of your manager and what they're
593
:worried about, is useful because a, it
helps you better, add value to them.
594
:And better understand their world.
595
:but B it also helps you
understand your leverage.
596
:and I think that is useful, especially
if you are in a function that's
597
:quite important or have skills
that are difficult to replace.
598
:You are less fungible.
599
:there are some ICs that are actually,
I would say more valuable than
600
:their managers, more difficult
to replace than their managers.
601
:and so you see these managers kind of.
602
:Catering around that person or the skip
level, telling the manager, it's fine.
603
:Just make it work, right?
604
:Because that person has more leverage.
605
:So in any situation, I think
it's useful to understand what
606
:is the leverage that I have?
607
:What is the leverage that
the other person has?
608
:and to some people, this may feel
a little bit Machiavellian, but
609
:I think it's, it's practical.
610
:It's practical.
611
:It's good for you.
612
:you don't have to be, weird about it,
it's simply looking at a situation
613
:with clear eyes so that you can
figure out what's the best course of
614
:action that is going to likely get
me to the outcome that I want to get.
615
:because if you miscalculate your leverage
or you don't think about your leverage at
616
:all, this is where you get into trouble.
617
:This is where you overstep or where you,
take a risk that, you're not aware of.
618
:what could, possibly go wrong
or, or the thing goes wrong.
619
:And that's not an acceptable
thing for you, right?
620
:you want to take risks where if it
doesn't work, you are okay with that.
621
:and that requires you to understand your
leverage and the other person's leverage.
622
:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520: So
given the like complex dynamics that
623
:you've just described and how we should
think about optimizing the relationship
624
:with this person, there's sort of
a spectrum I've observed on the one
625
:hand, almost like you can infantilize
yourself where you just go to the boss
626
:and you're like, tell me what to do.
627
:Or.
628
:You know, if you have a problem, you
just kind of lay it all out on them and
629
:just push all your problems upwards.
630
:And obviously, as a manager,
that's very challenging, can
631
:be frustrating to deal with.
632
:There's an opposite extreme, I find,
where you just like keep this wall up.
633
:And like, I'm performer.
634
:I don't have any problems.
635
:Everything's fine.
636
:Like you just want to look good
for your boss and you don't, and
637
:so you don't get enough feedback.
638
:You don't collaborate with them enough.
639
:Cause you're always just want to
seem like you're on top of it.
640
:And, probably that's not the
healthy place to be either.
641
:how do you like thread that needle of
showing that you're competent, but at
642
:the same time being like vulnerable,
but not too much and getting feedback
643
:in the right way and collaborating,
but in the right way, that problem.
644
:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520: I was
definitely that person that you described
645
:that had a wall up that wanted at
all costs to seem competent, to show
646
:that I was independent, that I can
handle this, you know, give me more.
647
:And I think a lot of high
performers fall in this bucket.
648
:lot of high performers, I would say,
have a high pain threshold, where you can
649
:deal with a lot of bullshit and a lot of
struggle, and still kind of seem okay.
650
:So this is, I think,
definitely a strength.
651
:but it's also, there's
a shadow side to that.
652
:There's a weakness.
653
:Um, You know, it can be a weakness
too, because, it's not sustainable.
654
:First of all, you know, eventually
cracks start to show you know,
655
:start to feel burned out,
misunderstood, resentful, big one.
656
:I definitely held things in and
then felt resentful of other people.
657
:so first it's not
sustainable for yourself.
658
:but second, you also don't.
659
:fully take advantage of having a
good manager that you can learn from.
660
:when you try to keep it all in yourself.
661
:that's something that
took me years to learn.
662
:I actually, you know, had the
revelation one day that my manager
663
:is actually here to support me too.
664
:Wow.
665
:Weird, right?
666
:Like before I was so hyper
focused on the evaluation piece.
667
:does take judgment to thread that needle.
668
:probably the simplest framework
that I have for threading that
669
:needle is, bringing up challenges.
670
:In a way that make me seem competent,
but also objectively show where
671
:I'm having challenges or where I
feel that there's a bottleneck.
672
:So, it's all the same problem per
se, but the way that you express
673
:it and the way that you bring
it up makes a huge difference.
674
:So to your point, you know, you
can just lay it all, verbal vomit
675
:on them and complain and say,
like, this is all really hard.
676
:I don't know what to do.
677
:I feel stuck.
678
:Yeah.
679
:that's one way, you know, and
that makes you seem more junior.
680
:the senior person has all
those same problems too.
681
:They're just framing it in a
more organized way that makes
682
:them look more competent, right?
683
:So, framing up what the problem
is, what you've tried so far,
684
:where you would like support.
685
:Very simple.
686
:If you do that and you use bottom line
up front bluff, you make it very clear
687
:that you have attempted to solve this.
688
:And those attempts have
been rooted in logic.
689
:Common sense.
690
:and you make it really clear
how your boss can help you.
691
:and when you frame it that way, you are
able to get the support that you need.
692
:but you also seem like a competent
person who has your shit together.
693
:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520: It
just reminded me of a post that you had
694
:written about being clear about the sort
of feedback you want I think we've all had
695
:that experience of like I don't want to
share this with my boss because I'm just
696
:gonna get back like A ton of commentary
on things that aren't even finished yet or
697
:aren't even ready for feedback and so we
hold ourselves back and it's really simple
698
:framing of like I want feedback on the
big picture I want feedback on XYZ It's
699
:that little extra level of, of thought
about how you approach that person that
700
:actually makes it easier for them as well.
701
:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520: It
totally makes it easier for them.
702
:Your boss does not want to spend an
hour giving you detailed feedback.
703
:If you wanted a 10 minute initial.
704
:Reaction from them, making sure that
you were going in the right direction.
705
:So you really need to
help people help you.
706
:you.
707
:can't expect them to read your mind.
708
:and when you send someone something
for feedback, again, think about
709
:de risking and, the obvious ways
something could go wrong, right?
710
:If I send this to you, One obvious
thing that could go wrong is you
711
:give me a bunch of line edits when
really I wanted, directional feedback.
712
:and so when you realize that
you can then take action on it,
713
:you can then clarify the kind of
feedback that you're looking for.
714
:when you're worried about something,
think about what can I do or say
715
:to minimize that from happening.
716
:And often it's so simple, you already
know you want a high level reaction.
717
:So just tell the person that
718
:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520:
Want to touch on a subject that,
719
:even I, almost hate the phrase cause
it feels like some sort of like
720
:government bureaucratic process and
the phrase is change management.
721
:I don't know how we could
have come up with a more like
722
:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520:
I'm already asleep.
723
:Just kidding.
724
:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520: way.
725
:Yeah, way of describing it, but it's
when you are in the position, as many,
726
:people who are revenue operators listen
to the show are, or really any, any
727
:leader let's say of like needing to
get people to do something different.
728
:Like I have a plan, I have an idea,
I want you to change your behavior or
729
:I want you to start doing something.
730
:and it is so hard.
731
:to do that because you, either
get ignored, you get resistance,
732
:you get pushback, you give up.
733
:What about this?
734
:good ideas fail because of this.
735
:what have you seen work?
736
:Well, any techniques, any
strategies in this area?
737
:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520: I think
one of the biggest areas to start
738
:with is to realize the first principle
that, um, Almost everything at work
739
:boils down to getting people to
do the thing you want them to do.
740
:That applies internally and externally.
741
:externally it's customers, leads,
prospects, investors, the press,
742
:It's all these external people that
you want them to click, download,
743
:upgrade, sign up, fill out this form
to do a demo, whatever it might be.
744
:You, want people to do something.
745
:internally, it's Managing up to your boss.
746
:You want certain things from your boss.
747
:You want certain things
from your direct support.
748
:you want your team to act a certain way.
749
:so it all boils down to getting people
to do the thing you want them to do.
750
:So what flows from that?
751
:I think studying sales, studying
psychology, understanding,
752
:behavioral economics.
753
:Those are all really.
754
:Simple foundational topics that I think
every leader should at least do some basic
755
:reading on, marketing your ideas, right?
756
:Building hype for your ideas.
757
:that's one piece.
758
:The second is, I like thinking
about aligning my idea, through the
759
:lens of what's, what's relevant.
760
:Interesting, valuable, relevant,
and useful for the other person.
761
:So often when we have an idea, we
look at it from our point of view.
762
:Why is it interesting,
relevant, and useful for me?
763
:It is obviously useful for me
because I'm asking you to do it.
764
:So like, that's kind of a, the
baseline, I don't need to necessarily.
765
:Explain from that view because
it's baked in, why I'm asking
766
:you to do something, right?
767
:you really need to put yourself in
the shoes of the other person and
768
:think about what would make this
exciting for that other person.
769
:and I have a really simple example,
that a newsletter reader, replied to my
770
:article called how to get an enthusiastic
yes, where I essentially write about,
771
:this process of, framing things
through the lens of the other person.
772
:and you were saying that.
773
:He wanted to get out of a work trip.
774
:There was this, work event,
his boss wanted him to go.
775
:He felt like it was kind of stupid and
useless and he doesn't like to travel.
776
:and instead of saying, Hey boss, I think
this is stupid and useless and I don't
777
:like to travel, which would not go over
well, it would make you seem selfish and
778
:like you're not a team player, right?
779
:instead of saying that he thought.
780
:What if I put this framework
into practice and thought
781
:about what my boss cares about?
782
:And so he ended up writing his boss
an email and said, Hey boss, you know,
783
:you want me to go with this event?
784
:I have these three projects
that I think are more important
785
:to get across the finish line.
786
:And I'd like to focus on these
because you've shared that, you
787
:know, these were the priority.
788
:I'm happy to go to the event, but
wanted to mention so that we can
789
:align on what the priority is.
790
:And his manager came back to
him and said, Oh, totally.
791
:You should skip that event.
792
:You should definitely
focus on these areas.
793
:Beautiful.
794
:so simple.
795
:So beautiful.
796
:I love it.
797
:Right?
798
:Same, situation, what he chose to
share and how he chose to frame the
799
:situation, made all the difference.
800
:And in fact, because he framed
it the way that he did, he
801
:actually seems more strategic.
802
:wow.
803
:Like you're thinking about
what's best for the business.
804
:You're thinking about not
wasting time going to an event.
805
:You don't need to be at, you're thinking
about how can I be most effective
806
:in my work to add the most value?
807
:So he got what he wanted
and He seems like, an even
808
:better employee because of it.
809
:So it makes a huge difference
framing things through the
810
:perspective of the other person.
811
:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520:
And so much of that just boils
812
:down to empathy, which is something
that you've written about before.
813
:In the sense of being able to put
yourself into the mind of that person,
814
:understand the world, you know, through
their eyes, understand their priorities.
815
:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520: have,
a love hate relationship with the
816
:word empathy because I feel like
people usually use empathy to
817
:mean, understanding, being kind,
818
:being soft, like.
819
:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520: I feel
820
:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520:
Feeling for you.
821
:Yeah.
822
:Like it's very much like.
823
:obviously there's, a definition
of the word, but it's, it's also
824
:like, in what context is it used in?
825
:And it's usually used in the
context of like, you should
826
:be more understanding to me.
827
:Like, I want you to be more
empathetic to my situation.
828
:and, one level further, like maybe
like not be so demanding of me, but
829
:I think that managers and leaders.
830
:The core of your job is to confront,
is to confront problems, confront
831
:people, confront, situations, and
you have to be able to confront.
832
:I have a post coming up called Positive
Confrontation that's all about how
833
:can you be really direct with people.
834
:But also be really reasonable or
be perceived as really reasonable.
835
:that's definitely a skill.
836
:There's a lot of people who are super
direct who confront, and it turns into
837
:conflict and like, that's not great.
838
:No, one's happy about that.
839
:It takes a lot of emotional
labor on both sides to resolve.
840
:but there are ways where you can
confront where your team members actually
841
:appreciate you for confronting them.
842
:That they actually get value
from you confronting them.
843
:They appreciate you for keeping
them on the hook, for asking
844
:them to put skin in the game.
845
:and that's ultimately what
you want to do as a leader.
846
:and so, you know, with empathy, that's
part of it because You need to be able
847
:to understand the other person to be
able to cater to them and, and speak to
848
:them and, figure out how to get the best
from them and change their behavior.
849
:but I think about empathy
very much through a pragmatic
850
:lens, as a means to an end.
851
:I guess that's the best way to put it.
852
:I see it as a means to an end,
which again can sound a little bit
853
:Machiavellian, but this is work.
854
:Right?
855
:This is, this is work here, you
know, with your family, just be
856
:empathetic for the sake of it.
857
:Great.
858
:Right?
859
:But at work, I think it's useful to see
it as a means to an end, and the end is
860
:to do better work together, to create
more value for the organization together.
861
:and in order to be able to do that,
we need to empathize with each
862
:other enough so we can communicate
and frame things, so that it's easy
863
:for the other person to understand.
864
:It's exciting for them to take action on,
but I see it all as a means to an end.
865
:I think the problem is when people see it
as an end in and of itself, that is where
866
:I have a little bit of a, challenge with
that, because it's often used to justify.
867
:Lower standards, I think.
868
:justin-norris_1_05-16-2024_120520: I
think we have time for probably just
869
:one question and I wanted to take it
in a totally different direction and
870
:just talk to you about your work on
LinkedIn, which has obviously been a huge
871
:platform for you to get your ideas out.
872
:I see, you know, pretty much
every one of your posts gets
873
:hundreds and hundreds of reactions.
874
:And it's a short form of writing
and it can often lend itself
875
:to, these very almost formulaic
caricatured forms of writing.
876
:And you don't go in for that and
yet you still are really getting
877
:a very strong response from the
audience, which is fantastic to see.
878
:I'm curious how you think about,
this platform, your approach.
879
:Are you being strategic in any particular
way or are you just putting your ideas
880
:out there and seeing what flows from them?
881
:wes-kao_1_05-16-2024_120520:
great question.
882
:I think if you are a leader that wants
to start sharing content, you need to
883
:be mindful of who you're modeling after.
884
:because there's a lot of different
archetypes I would say, on LinkedIn.
885
:there are, there are many archetypes
in general, in the world, but on
886
:LinkedIn, you really see that.
887
:and so if you're, modeling and
learning and copying from a certain
888
:kind of archetype, you're giving
certain signals to your audience.
889
:So there's a certain style
of writing on LinkedIn, which
890
:is one sentence paragraphs.
891
:And the thinking behind that
is, it's very skimmable.
892
:It's fun to read.
893
:but the downside is it also
looks a little bit spammy.
894
:and creators who are a little bit
spammy do that plus other things.
895
:in the way that they share on LinkedIn.
896
:and readers are very good at
pattern matching as humans.
897
:We naturally pattern match.
898
:So in a split second, when you
see a certain kind of post,
899
:you're already thinking, Oh, it's,
it's probably that kind of post.
900
:on the other hand, you see people share on
LinkedIn where they're writing paragraphs.
901
:and you might think, well,
no one reads paragraphs.
902
:You know, you have to make it skim.
903
:Well, you know, most
people read on mobile.
904
:the act of writing in a paragraph
is also a signal and you are
905
:attracting a certain kind of person.
906
:You're tracking the kind of person who
has the attention span to read paragraphs.
907
:and you are showing that you are
the kind of person who doesn't care.
908
:About, pandering to the algorithm.
909
:so with everything that you do,
there's a trade off and there's
910
:a signal that you're giving.
911
:and so if you choose to share in a
way that is more thoughtful, sometimes
912
:the reach just isn't as good.
913
:That's just the nature of,
being on social platforms.
914
:You know, there are many times
where I can think of a juicier
915
:hook for what I want to write.
916
:I can make it sound more extreme.
917
:I can make it sound more controversial.
918
:I can sound angrier.
919
:and that will all get more
clicks, and more views.
920
:But do I want to do that?
921
:Not really.
922
:Do I want to engage with people
who react to stuff like that?
923
:And what kind of conversation
are we going to have?
924
:You know, in the comments from that,
not ones that I'm that excited about,
925
:and so thinking about the kind of
person you want to reach, the kind of
926
:conversations you want to have, the
signals you want to put out into the world
927
:about the kind of person you are, those
are all super helpful to think about.
928
:And I don't think enough
people think about that.
929
:I think most people look
up LinkedIn algorithm.
930
:Tips and follow advice, like post
three to five times a week, post at
931
:the same time every day, comment on
10 to 15 other people's posts, there's
932
:a lot of advice like that out there.
933
:and I think the more useful thing
is to think about, what kind of
934
:person am I, what kind of person
do I want people to think I am?
935
:and what kind of people
do I want to attract?
936
:and then to look for a couple
of people that you admire that
937
:are doing that style of posting.
938
:And then look at what they do.
939
:that's a much better starting point.