Discover the secret to increasing your self-worth, expanding your deserve level and finally valuing the full expression of who you are. Learn how to transcend judgments and what it means to be fully conscious with reflective awareness.

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Because as long as you're in denial of what you actually have inside and keep

projecting,

you're going to keep having them remind you of that and you're going to keep

trying to run away from people and keep running into people,

cause they're reflections of you and you can't hide from your shadows,

Jung would describe.

This topic is about your outer world is a reflection of your inner

world. Now we've all heard probably the statement that says,

'we're all reflections, man', and that's neat, a neat cliche,

but it has more meaning than first meets the eye, I think.

So I'd like to discuss that in case you want to take some notes or whatever it

is, maybe you can listen to the recording of this.

When I was in my twenties, I noticed something,

that whatever I was saying to my patients,

there was a part of me that was whispering inside my head and going, 'Hmm,

I think that's for me.' I remember meeting Chomsky's work on

language,

and he showed that there was a reason for language that was twofold.

What we say to others is much for ourselves as much as for them.

We're here to listen to what we say too. We sometimes judge somebody,

pointing our finger at somebody and it was actually just three fingers back at

us talking about ourselves. Anything we haven't loved in ourself,

we tend to project our judgments onto others, and I'll come back to that.

So I noticed that with my patients,

I noticed that whatever I really emphasized was for me too.

We're all working on our stuff kind of thing.

So I realized that what I was judging on the outside had a lot to do with what

was going on in me.

It really hit home one time when I was having challenges in my relationship.

And then I some reason had three consulting sessions with three people

that had the issues I was facing and everything I was

I really got a real clear sense for the world is trying to help

us work through our own illusions and get back into doing something amazing with

our lives. I also realized some things that were really profound.

I realized whenever I was resenting somebody

and I was looking down on them and conscious of their

of their upsides and puffed myself up with pride and looked down on them,

I'm too proud to admit what I see in them inside me,

when I really look carefully and ask, what specifically is that trait, action,

inaction, do I perceive in them that I believe they're displaying,

that I resent most?

And I look carefully and looked at myself and I asked myself, 'Okay, John,

go to a moment where and when do you perceive yourself displaying or

demonstrating the same specific trait?' When I was honest,

I could find out where I had done the same thing.

And I started keeping an inventory,

three and a half decades ago I started recording those reflections,

and I realized that what I saw in others was me. And,

if I was button pushed by them,

is because I was carrying around shame or guilt inside me about my own

actions. So I was living in sort of a moral hypocrisy that I was projecting

mortalities onto somebody else but it was actually just because I was judging

myself and they were reminding of it and I didn't like being around them because

they were reminding me of what I didn't like about I had done.

And what I had done, actually had benefits,

but I was judging it because of some injected morality that was coming in from

some outer authority that wasn't necessarily congruent

but I was trying to live by this social idealism.

So I realized that my judgments on others was a result of me minimizing myself

to somebody and exaggerating myself to somebody else.

And neither one of them are my authentic self. When I minimize myself,

my low self-esteem is not my real self, it's a facade.

And when I look down on somebody and judge them, you know, exaggerated,

puffed up pride is not myself. That's a puffed up persona.

So I realized that the reflection on the outer world was giving feedback to me

about my own nature.

And so I started to go make a list of the people that I had resented or admired.

Because when I admired them and I was conscious of their upside and unconscious

of their downside,

I was minimizing myself and conscious of my downside and unconscious of my

upside.

And I was too humble to admit what I saw in them inside me and I was admiring

them.

And then I realized that the reason I was admiring them is because they reminded

me of something that I was doing in my own life,

but I was too humble to admit it, but I was actually proud of it, deep inside.

So my hidden pride was making me admire.

And my hidden shame was making me despise.

And when I went through and I looked at various people that I was admiring or

despising and own all those traits,

I realized that that world out there was a reflection of my world.

And that was really eyeopening.

So instead of me waiting for people to push my buttons,

because I realized the buttons that people were pushing that were hooking me

with an admiration or hooking me with a despise, a seeking and avoiding,

which kept me in my amygdala, which is my animal survival mechanism,

because this represented prey, I want to be around and consume,

this represented predator, I want to be avoiding and not be consumed by.

I realized that I was being run by these misperceptions.

And I realized that all of those events in my life that I was looking up or down

on,

were trying to help me become aware of what I was judging myself to

go in there and become aware of both sides and not be unconscious of half of my

own perception, and appreciate my own life.

And then I realized that everybody is there to helping me learn to love myself,

and then I get to thank them for revealing that to me,

instead of admiring or despising them,

instead of putting them on pedestals or pits,

I get to put them in my heart as I get to put myself in my heart.

I had equity between them and equanimity within me when I did that.

So instead of waiting for people to push my buttons to make me realize what it

is, I started to go to a dictionary,

I took a big giant Oxford dictionary,

and I went out in the dictionary and I looked at every possible human behavioral

trait that a human being could have.

I found 4,628 traits that people had,

at least in that dictionary was revealed. And I went to each one and I thought,

who is it that has the most extreme example of that behavior,

I put their initial out there. And then I go,

where do I display or demonstrate that?

Until I was owning it as much as I saw in that individual.

And what I did is I realized I had all the traits.

I was kind and cruel and nice and mean and positive and negative,

and considerate and inconsiderate and peaceful and wrathful and you know,

positive and negative. And I was honest and dishonest.

I realized I had all the traits I found in that dictionary.

Nothing was missing in me.

I remember I was in Nepal meeting with the Bonpo Lama,

we had a calm conversation about it, we talked about 'nothing missing,

nothing missing,

all present.' And most people are trying to get rid of half of themselves and

only be one sided.

In the Buddhist teachings it says the desire for that which is unobtainable and

the desire to avoid that which is unavoidable is the

Many people are trying to divide themselves up, label that one side good,

the other side bad or light and dark or something, Yang and Yin,

and they're trying to get rid of half of it, instead of embrace all of it.

How are you going to love yourself if you're trying to get rid of half of

yourself?

How are you going to love other people if you're trying to get rid of half of

them? How you going to love life, how you going to love your goals,

if you're trying to get rid of half of it?

How are you gonna love the earth and humanity if you're trying to get rid of

half of them? So I stopped doing that when I was 30.

I realized by the time I was 30 I realized this, I go, 'no, this isn't working.

This is not it.' If I want to have the soul,

the state of unconditional love for life and love myself and love others,

because I believe that every human being wants to be loved and appreciated for

who they are. And that's all of it.

It's time to go in there and find the upsides to what I think is down.

And the downsides of what I think is up and level the playing field and discover

and become fully conscious, not partially conscious,

but fully conscious and have true reflective awareness,

and realize that with whatever I perceive out there is a reflection of things

that I haven't owned inside myself. As Plato says,

all learning is recollecting.

You're recollecting all the parts that had been disowned in your life. See,

when you infatuated with somebody and you're too humble to admit what you see in

them is inside you, you got a disowned part, you're not owning that.

And when you're resentful to somebody,

you're too proud to admit what you see in them is inside you, again,

a disowned part. And all those disowned parts are all feelings of emptiness,

things of incompletion inside you. That's why when you judge you feel empty,

you don't feel fulfilled, but when you actually bring it back,

balance the equation and feel grateful and love the person and realize that

they've helped you realize your own potential,

you feel love and you feel fulfilled. Love is its own reward.

It brings a fulfillment there. And I don't mean romantic love.

I'm not talking about a passionate frenzy.

I'm talking about a deep divine love,

a real love where you actually are present.

I've been teaching a program called the Breakthrough Experience for 32 years

plus.

And one thing I'm certain about is when I actually balance out the equation and

dissolve the judgments that somebody may have on somebody,

when it's really flat-lined and they've owned all the traits and it's all

balanced and they found the downsides to the up,

the up the down and they balance it,

and it's neither positive or negative when they're done,

every time their heart opens, they feel gratitude,

they feel present with the person they love,

they're inspired to interact with them.

There's a transformation there that's profound.

It's more powerful than happiness or sadness,

the facades of polarized emotions.

It's more powerful than the impulses and instincts that most people run by.

It's a very profound presence,

a very profound feeling of grace that we have,

when we actually get to love ourselves and other people and realize that that

world out there was brought into our life, not mistakenly,

but for a deep, meaningful purpose.

Extracting the meaning out of things means bringing your perceptions back into

the mean, back into the balance. Aristotle talked about the golden mean,

the virtue between the two pairs of vices,

every time we judge and we polarize our perception and have emotional baggage

you might say, that's running our life and stored in our subconscious mind,

we are impulsive and instinctual and we're in survival mode and we're fearing

the loss of the things we fantasize about and fearing the gain of the things

that we resent and have nightmares about.

And we're run from the outer world and extrinsically run all the time.

But if we go in there and take the time to balance the mathematical equation of

our mind and liberate ourselves from the things we infatuate or resent which

occupy space and time in our mind and run us, we become present,

we become certain, we become grateful, loving,

we become inspired and enthused about life. And we liberate ourselves.

And then we realize that the world on the outside was reflecting us and

reflecting us in a way to give us feedback,

to do something profound with our life.

And my experience is the second I balance that equation, and I'm really there,

there's no noise in the brain. There's a calm centered,

there's no evoked potentials, there's spontaneous, inspired,

potentials revealed in the brain, in the forebrain,

where you're inspired in vision and strategic and planning and executing plans

and self-governance.

And that helps you in your mind and maximize your mental potential.

And the moment you do that and have reflective awareness that way and realize

that everything around you is a feedback system to help you become authentic and

become inspired by your life,

and the noise in the brain is a confirmation that you're now present.

You also in a state when you're not puffing yourself

employees or customers and are not minimizing yourself

employees or customers, both of which are non-sustainable.

But when you actually level the playing field and you have sustainability,

your business flourishes, you have sustainable fair exchange,

equity across the board.

And you also have more self-worth because you're now not judging,

because if you expect somebody to live in your values or you expect yourself to

live in other people's values,

you automatically going to have futility because you can't sustain it.

But when you, so when you judge you create futility,

and when you love you create utility. And utility is what brings prosperity.

Sustainable, fair exchange doing something you love with people you love,

helping people fulfill what they would love in life is very prosperous

generating. And in a relationship,

every human being wants to be loved for who they are.

And you want to be loved for who you are.

And who you are as a reflection of your highest values where you're most

objective, most reflective.

So if you can identify what's really highest on somebody's values that you have

a relationship with whoever it may be, kids, parents, spouse,

and ask how specifically is what they're dedicated to,

serving what you're dedicated to and what you're dedicated serving them,

you'll have more respect. You'll have a more level playing field.

You won't see them above or below you, talking down or up,

and you'll have more of a dialogue instead of alternating monologues.

And when you do,

you help them empower their life and they help you empower yours,

and you then empower your life.

That's why reflective awareness is so significant,

because you're now reflecting and realizing there's

When you look down on people and you disown things and

disown things, you don't have intimacy, you have judgment.

True intimacy is the pure reflective awareness,

pure reflection of awareness. You're fully aware. You're full consciousness,

mindful of both sides of them and both sides of you.

And you're not putting people on pedestals or pits. And socially,

when you're in that state, you're a magnet.

People want to be around people that they feel they can be themselves around,

and they're automatically feel that you're giving them by exemplification

permission to be themselves.

And that creates a leadership role and you have clarity and you're inspired and

you're a visionary. It also helps your body heal.

When you have reflective awareness your body maximizes its potential.

And what is more spiritual in a sense,

what more inspiring than pure reflective awareness?

That's like an Indian mystic at its finest,

or some Christian mystic at its finest or Jewish mystic at its

finest.

So whether it's religious or whether it's just being inspired by your life,

reflective awareness is one of the most significant things an individual can do.

So to ask questions and ask yourself,

what is the highest priority thing I can be doing right now that could serve the

greatest number of people with the most, you know,

the resources I have in the most efficient way?

Because when you live by what's most important to you, highest in priority,

you're most objective. Most objective means least judging.

Least judging means most reflective.

The objectivity and reflectivity go together. And in the process of doing it,

you're more understanding of other people, more appreciable of other people,

less reactive and more proactive.

And that liberates you from a lot of the frustration and baggage that people

have. I was doing a writing,

an article for Jet Set magazine that's coming out. And it was interesting,

I was talking about,

'Are you a dictator or are you a communicator?' And

looking down on somebody and expecting them to live in your values, they can't,

because they have their own, they make decisions based on their own.

And if you project expectations for them to live in your values,

you're going to get frustrated.

And that frustration is going to make you go into your amygdala.

Your amygdala is going to go into a defense mechanism.

That's going to make you autocratic and more precociously independent.

And then you end up going and becoming autocratic in there.

And a lot of people in business or in relationships or in marriages,

when their values aren't being fulfilled in their perception,

because they're not seeing how whatever's happening, serving them,

they get autocratic.

And then they end up having alternating monologues projecting onto others and

then the person then feels that they're not being listened to.

And then they project back and you alienate and you lose your intimacy,

and then you shut down your appreciation for them.

And then that affects every relationship that's in your life that you play that

game to. So that's why it's wise to ask quality questions.

That's why I teach the Breakthrough Experience where I teach people the

Demartini Method,

which is the key questions to help you have reflective awareness.

I'll give you some samples again. You ask somebody,

let's say you infatuate with somebody or resent somebody. You ask yourself,

what specific trait,

action or inaction do I perceive this individual displaying or demonstrating

that I admire most or despise most?

And you get very clear on what that perception is. And it can't be broad,

vague generalities; abusive, if you're looking down on them,

or amazing or whatever, those are too vague.

What specific is the action steps that they're taking,

that you admire or despise most? Get really clear on it,

then go inside yourself and be honest.

And this is a very powerful exercise and I've done this for many years now.

Okay, 'John', talking to yourself, 'go to a moment,

John where and when you perceived yourself displaying or demonstrating that same

or similar specific trait action inaction that I admire or despise most.' And

go own it.

Go own it to such a degree that the quantity and quality

equal to what you see in them. Now I've been doing this for 37 years,

almost 36 years and I guarantee if you look, you'll find it.

I've taken thousands and thousands of people through this process and at first

they go 'No way. I'm too proud to admit I do that',

or 'I'm too humble to admit I do that.' But look again,

because as long as you're in denial of what you actually have inside and keep

projecting,

you're going to keep having them remind you of that and you going to keep trying

to run away from people and keep running into people because they're reflections

of you and you can't hide from your shadow as Jung would describe.

And so when I go in there and I own it,

and I don't stop until I'm accountable to see quantity, quality,

I do the same thing. And I guarantee you it's there.

You don't believe it at first, if you have difficulty believing it,

come to the Breakthrough Experience, I'll show it to you.

I'll hold you accountable and make you look.

And I won't make you to look up anything that's not true.

I'll just make you go past your barrier,

because we sometimes inject a bunch of social idealisms and mores about how

we're supposed to be.

And then we try to live in that fantasy we're going to obtain it, we don't,

it's a moral hypocrisy,

and then we end up pretending like anybody that reminds us of what we don't

want, we try to avoid,

but they keep showing up in our life because it's there to teach us to own it

all, embrace all parts of us and not have to get rid of some part of ourselves.

See I'm not a nice person or a mean person, or a kind

I'm a human being with both of those sides, you support my values,

I can be a pussycat, you challenge my values, I can be a tiger.

I can be open and closed and honest and dishonest. I look,

I've seen them all inside me. When you finally can own all that,

the world doesn't push your button out there. You actually realize, 'Okay,

I've done that. I'm seeing when I've done it. I'm now looking,

they're in a moment where they've done the same thing,

maybe they're experiencing this.' And you're more understanding,

and you're more caring about that individual and you

to your awareness,

whatever you haven't loved in yourself and giving you an opportunity to go and

process that and love that. When I go and own those traits,

then I go to the next question, once it's owned and I see flatlined,

I own those to the same degree. And I see where I did it and when I did it,

who I did it to and who perceived me doing that.

Then I go another step and I ask the question, 'all right, go to a moment,

John where and when you perceived this individual displaying or demonstrating

the trait, action, inaction that you admire or despise most, okay,

at that moment, close your eyes and get present there,

because in the moment of presence, the unconscious and conscious are joined.

And when you judge there, you split them apart and bias your perception.

So go to that moment and ask yourself on that thing you admired,

what was the downsides at that moment and from that moment until now?

And if you despised it, what was the upsides to it,

what were the benefits to you of that? And at first you'll think, 'well,

there are no benefits. It's a bad thing.' No,

that's a false label that you've got in a moral hypocrisy that that's a bad

thing, or that's a good thing. And that's a very narrowed mind,

a very subjective biased,

a very absolutism that'll trap you because anything that you are absolutely

good, absolutely bad in your mind,

you're going to fear the loss of it and fear the gain of it,

you're going to live in a phobia all your life,

instead of having a nice neutral mind and realize it's just an event,

you can make a heaven out of a hell or a hell of a heaven as John Milton said.

And if you realize that,

you realize that you have the capacity to change your perception, decisions,

and actions, and balance out your equation and not be run by these things,

because anything you infatuate with or resent to extremes like that is going to

run your mind and run your life and be stored in your subconscious mind and run

you. And you're going to be frightened of anything that reminds you of it or

fantasizing about anything that reminds you of it and be hooked by it one way or

the other, and the world on the outside always runs you.

You're not in command of your life. That's why I said on the movie,

'The Secret',

when the voice and the vision on the inside is louder than all that on the

outside, you then master your life.

So you then go in there and neutralize it to where it's neither good nor evil,

neither positive or negative, you just see it as an event.

And you see it as it is,

not as you projected an assumption and biased your perception of it is.

When you did it liberates. All of a sudden you're going, 'oh',

and then you realize you have the power it doesn't matter what happens to you in

your experience, you can turn it into whatever you want. You can,

the way your brain is,

you have monosynaptic reflexes at the bottom of the brain,

where it's all or none, you have no choice,

you hit a deep tendon and you make a jerk. But as you go up the brain,

you got all these association neurons of the brain, and the more you use,

the more options you have on perception. And at the very highest level of brain,

you can see both sides of things and not react.

You can act and think before you react.

Most people are automatons reacting before they think,

instead of thinking before they react,

and planning with foresight what's happening and then seeing no matter what

happens,

how to balance it and see it how it helps you fulfill what's meaningful to your

life. The mean. Extract the meaning out of that existence.

Extracting meaning is to be able to see the upsides in the down and the down in

the up and balance it out into the mean. When all of a sudden you do that,

it doesn't run you. You're not judging it.

They're actually somebody that came into your life to help you realize what you

haven't loved in yourself. Thank you. You're grateful for them.

And you go another step.

Now you can go all those moments where you had done those and go find out how it

served the people you've done it to, or disserved the people you've done to.

The things you're proud of,

what are the downsides of those people and the things you're ashamed of,

what are the upsides of those people?

And balance that out and not carry around all this pride and shame,

which aren't you. When you're proud, you're puffing yourself up and inflating.

And when you're shamed you're deflating, you. Those aren't you.

The real you is a very loving individual.

So you can do the same thing and neutralize that.

Then you go even a step further and you go, go to a moment where,

and when you perceived the same individual displaying the opposite trait to what

you judged. And then you will discover that they have the opposite behavior.

I'm not nice all the time or mean all the time.

I do both of them throughout the, throughout even one

I can be nice to somebody while I'm being mean to somebody else at the same

moment. When I finally realize that they have both sides and I have both sides,

my judgments are less likely, because I realize we're human beings.

They're going through whatever they're going through right now.

It may not even relate to me right now, unless I'm reacting to it.

If I'm not reacting, I'm just seeing it, observing it, I'm thankful for it.

They're making me realize who I am and making me check and do inventories on my

own personalities and my facades that I might be wearing.

If I go even a step further and find out when they did that, whatever they did,

how and who was doing the opposite at that moment and balance my equation.

You'll find out that with every perception, there's a contrast.

In the Breakthrough Experience

I teach people how to wake up their mind to a full consciousness and see all the

above. And see both sides of life and balance out their equation and liberate

themselves from those emotions. Then you go a step further.

The reason why you resented something is because you were comparing it to a

fantasy about how they were supposed to be.

If I go to the moment when they did what they did and ask;

if they had done what I had hoped they'd had done,

the way you fantasize they've done, what would have been the drawback?

And crack the fantasies.

A lot of times we're walking around with fantasies about how life is supposed to

be, and then depressed and angry at people for not matching our fantasies.

And they're not here to live in our fantasies,

they're human beings living in their own values.

So I basically don't try to project that onto them.

I'd rather go and find out what's my fantasy that I'm comparing them to and why

I'm judging in the first place? Or what is my I wound?

Cause sometimes I've got a wound in the past and anybody that reminds me of the

opposite I get infatuated with. So all of those worlds out there,

all those things are going on in the people around you

going on in your world inside.

The outer world is a reflection of what's going on in the inner world.

And the outer world I really believe is doing everything it can to help you

love all of that inside you.

Because you don't need to get rid of any part of yourself.

It's just time to love yourself.

That's one of the reasons I do the Breakthrough Experience

do the Demartini Method,

I want people to be able to love and appreciate their wholeness,

love and appreciate the people around them,

and realize that the facades and the fantasies and the illusions that we get

trapped in, are what stop us from doing something extraordinary in the world.

We can empower all areas of our life by doing that.

That's one of the reasons I do the Breakthrough Experience.

I love watching the transformation. I love getting the letters back.

I got two in this morning already,

amazing letters of people that come to the Breakthrough Experience and watch

their lives change,

because they've been carrying around baggage of moral hypocrisies with

themselves and other people,

and they're trapped preoccupied with all that drama,

instead of actually being poised and present and prioritized and purposeful and

patiently producing the highest priority,

purposeful direction that they want in life.

I'm a firm believer that you can live an extraordinary life.

And that's why I do these little presentations each week to just give you a

tidbit for the week, to help you become more masterful in your life.

So I hope you enjoyed this idea on reflection of the

of the inner world,

but I also want to share something about a free masterclass about increasing

your deserve level and finally get what you want in life.

And I'm certain that this information here will help you get, you know,

we set up fantasies in our life and we set up goals and aren't real and I want

you to know the difference between a real objective and a fantasy,

so you can get accomplished what you want or otherwise you self-defeat and beat

yourself up and don't want to set goals and let the world dictate your destiny.

If you don't take command your life and live by design,

you're going to live by duty and you're going to be living by the herd instincts

instead of your own dreams and visions.

So take advantage of the free masterclass,

because I know that free masterclass is going to give you information and

insights that's going to help you. So this is Dr. Demartini,

my weekly little presentation.

I hope that this'll be stimulating some ideas in you.

Please join me at the Breakthrough Experience and learn the Demartini Method.

I spent years on that literally 49 years developing that,

I'm certainly will help people who take advantage and learn this tool.

It can help you have reflective awareness. You'll have more love for yourself,

more love for other people more love for your life and be grateful.

Your executive function in the brain is your gratitude center.

This tool helps you go into that. So you're not reacting to life,

you're proacting and doing something that's meaningful.