I want to create a marriage where we're both growing and where we speak the same language.
On this episode of the PlanSimple Podcast, I’m really excited to talk with my good friend Sarah Jenks again! Sarah has been in the personal development space, empowering women around their bodies and spirituality and empowerment and feminism for 12 years. Today, we’re talking about marriage.
Sarah discusses her fear of outgrowing her husband because of the personal development work she was doing, while he was staying stuck. She dispels the myth that she could do all the work for both of them. In talking about the need for both partners to do inner work and work on their marriage, she explains its not just about the marriage but also about not undoing all the inner work women do for themselves.
We talk about an imbalance of money and how that affects the dynamic in a couple along with other antiquated ideas about marriage that people often get stuck in.
We talk about:
Rethinking how we think about money, including spending and who has the right to it
Our partner not being the problem, the marriage being the problem
Creating new agreements and dynamics and standards for how you show up with each other in your marriage
Why both partners need to be invested at the beginning of a marriage course
Different ways to talk about wanting to do this marriage work
How conflict shows up in our other relationships and our bodies
Sarah Jenks is the mother of three, a woman who has struggled with body image and lack of direction, and someone who knows what it’s like to feel flat, overwhelmed, frumpy and exhausted. Through her own transformation and years of study in the Sacred Feminine, emotional eating and life coaching, she has been guiding thousands of women for over 10 years through the process of remembering their brilliance and their unique mission in this lifetime.
ADDRESS “I CAN’T AFFORD IT.” If you find yourself saying, you can’t afford something that might shift your personal experience, like working on your marriage or getting a babysitter so you can have conversations, look at where you are spending money. Start with a list of recent purchases and monthly expenses. Consider whether you could afford something that could make a real difference in your life.
RETHINK WHO MAKES MONEY. If you fall into the paradigm of one person making the money and thus having control over the money. Start to factor in the value of the work done by the partner who makes less or no money. Start to factor in how taking care of the kids, driving them to school, being home at night with them helps the other person make money. Start to shift the paradigm.
SAY WHAT YOU NEED. If you are unhappy in your marriage, if you want to work toward change, say how you feel and what you need. Sarah talks about a few different ways she tried this conversation and acknowledges that she had to say it several times before it sunk in or connected. If you aren’t ready to say it, think through what it is you need to say.