Today I talk to Tiff who is two and a half years sober, Tiff shares her story, why and how she got sober and how stopping drinking uncovered fabulous opportunities and a new found self confidence which led to her opening a sober swim school!

into-tiff-_2_09-23-2024_175932:

Hi everybody.

2

I'm Vic and I don't drink.

3

Today's super exciting for me because

it's podcast number one and I can

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honestly say I've been dreaming

about this for quite some time.

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Since the early days when I stopped

drinking, podcasts have been a real

6

companion to me and I really hope

that this one is going to be to you.

7

So today I'm going to be

talking to my friend Tiff.

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Tiff's been sober for two and a half

years and she's going to share her journey

9

with you and you'll hear that whilst

it's not always easy being sober in this

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booze soaked world, it's always worth it.

11

Hi, TIFF.

12

, And a really massive welcome for me today.

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undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

It's my first ever podcast and

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I'm making it with you and that's

quite special for me . I wanted to

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talk to you today about your story.

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And so this whole podcast is going to

be about the guests stories, what got

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you where you are, some of the tools

that you've used, all of those things.

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So you're going to be doing a lot of

the talking, I'm afraid, I've known

19

you Since I joined Soberistas and

20

was put into a WhatsApp

group where I met yourself.

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But I know that you have been sober

for longer than that, and you've

22

got a bit of a story to tell.

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So I'm going to hand over to you if

you can tell us a little bit about your

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decision, your sliding doors moment

and some of the wonderful things that

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you've done since you've become sober.

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tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Okay, brilliant.

27

Firstly, thanks for having

me on your first one.

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That's, I feel really

privileged, actually.

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That's really nice.

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So thank you for that.

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undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Amazing.

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tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Yeah, we did meet on Sober Easter's.

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I think I was just saying, I've been

on it for probably seven years now.

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But we've known each other probably three

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undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: yeah.

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tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

There's the hundred day

37

challenge, which is where we met.

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I don't know what was wrong but

I'd get to 100 days and it

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literally was like clockwork.

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Like a couple of days later or a

week later, I would be in pain.

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I'd have a drink.

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I'd be back into the cycle.

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It didn't last long for me.

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I wanted to get out really

quickly and then I'd start the

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a hundred day challenge again.

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And I think that I did the a hundred day

challenge realistically about seven times.

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I completed it seven times before.

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It was

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undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

That's 700 days.

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tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

It was 700 days.

51

But there's something about the count,

there's the counting isn't there on

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the 100 day challenge and beyond.

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So it always felt really difficult

because it does feel a little

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bit like, Oh, I'm back at day

one, everybody's so supportive.

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. It's everybody's your cheerleader.

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And I was thinking, why can't I just

get past a hundred but yeah, it was

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700 days rolling on, but in between

each hundred was a week where I lost

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myself and then I'd be back again.

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undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Yeah.

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tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: I

took my last drink, two and a half

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years ago, which is Unbelievable,

actually, because at one point I

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thought, I'm never going to crack it.

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And I kept seeing everybody else

moving up, going past 100, 200 days.

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When somebody hits a year,

it's a really big celebration.

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But that's really great because I

think one of the biggest advices

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I was ever given was And I give to

other people now is never stop trying.

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And that's pretty much it because it's

there's no clear cut way to getting sober.

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Everybody's journey is

completely different.

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You just have to keep going.

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You just keep going.

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It's like you recognize, Oh, okay.

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I shouldn't have put

myself in that position.

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That wasn't a sensible, say early

days, if you go to the pub, for

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example with all your friends that are

drinking, probably not a great idea.

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I probably did that and there

I am, slipped off again,.

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And then you learn as you go.

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So it's okay, maybe don't go to the

pub until you're a bit more secure.

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Yeah.

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And I had a really weird thing about that.

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It was almost like a

stubbornness about me.

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I wanted to prove to people that I could

still go out and I could still be fun.

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So I would put myself in positions

where I was out, perhaps not in

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the best situation for somebody

who is trying not to drink.

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, but I was extremely

stubborn, always have been.

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so I can, and I will just watch me was

my little catch phrase at the time.

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And I would go out and.

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Fight my way through these

situations, but you're right.

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You know, probably could have been a

lot easier if I just decided to stick

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on the pajamas and a film and have a

cup of tea and, and just get on with it.

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tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

That's why it was so important to

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have such a variety as many people.

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So I came out of that group and

purely came into the group that I

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met you in because of the day that

I was starting to count again.

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I'm not a very active member in

those WhatsApp groups anymore, but.

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But they're very important to me.

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I really recognize that.

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And we'd hear these kind of,

I don't know, like urban myths.

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They weren't really urban myths,

but it was like, Oh, so and so she

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got to two years and then she came

off the WhatsApp and now she's

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drunk again or something like that.

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And it was like, Oh my

gosh, we can't do that.

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So there's that in the background,

but it's nice to have a sober family

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anyway, even if we're disparate

throughout the country or even

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around the world, it still feels if

you need somebody, they're there.

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And it's, there's always some chat going

on throughout the day, isn't there?

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There's always something.

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So I quite like that, but I think

it's good to have a wealth of people.

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involved that have got so many varied

stories because then you're going

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to tap in and recognize and resonate

with some of them rather than others.

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So it's, I think that's

good for everybody.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: And

I've found I fitted with the mummy

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drinking culture I can find a real

connection, but there are definitely some

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very different stories,, aren't there?

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some of them extremely sad.

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And it just shows how damaging

actually this can be if it does get

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out of control, which is why we want

to do things like this, isn't it?

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And just really let people know that it's

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tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

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undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

So what made you decide in a

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society that is unbelievably

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tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

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undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

in booze, that for you, this was no

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tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah,

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undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

the right thing?

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tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: I

think there was two things going on.

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One, my daughter at the time absolutely

hated my drinking and you know It makes me

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feel slightly sick even now looking back

on that, you know that my me and her dad

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We met at uni, we were in the drinking

culture, and we went out and we got drunk.

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And that's our relationship with it.

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And that was our relationship together.

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And we had a bloody good time.

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Let's not deny there was

some bloody good times.

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But it just carried on.

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And then we had kids, we

had three kids together.

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And it was like, we didn't

want to give that part up.

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So it was like, we would orchestrate

let's go for a nice family walk.

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with a pub at the end, it always was.

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And I really remember like one of my kids

saying, Oh, I really want to go in that

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cake shop, but they didn't sell drink, and

I remember really vividly going to him.

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It was quite young, but I said, Oh

yeah, but if we go to this other

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place, I'll buy your cake and chips.

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How hideous, because I want my drink, but

he didn't know any of that, but he just

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thought, brilliant, I get cake and chips.

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So of course he's going to go, yay.

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So we'd carried on and my

daughter got to a certain age.

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And she recognized it

and she didn't like it.

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She never had a go at her dad about it.

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It was always me.

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I don't like it.

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I don't like it.

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Why do you drink?

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And I was really annoyed, actually.

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I just thought, Oh, why don't

you just have a go at him?

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Why are you always, you

just annoyed about it.

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And then we went to America.

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We went camping in America with three

kids and I think, sitting up camping,

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had a bottle of wine, whatever.

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And I was waking up and

someone was screaming at me,

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stop drinking really loudly.

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undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Up.

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But there wasn't anybody there.

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It was me.

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That was so profound for me.

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It was me in my head

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,

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And now as I've moved on through

not drinking, I've become much more

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spiritual and I've become much more

invested in that part of my life.

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I really recognize that as a

moment of me, my higher self,

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whatever you want to call it.

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Really just just stop, just bloody stop,

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So that was the beginning of me

really committing at that point.

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But I just eventually I went back to

drinking and then it's easy to drink

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because , their dad was drinking and

you fall back into old patterns and

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it's Oh, actually I don't drink any

differently to anybody else, which to

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be honest, I wasn't actually drinking

a lot more than anybody else either.

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There was lots of people drinking

more than me and lots of people

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drinking less than me and that's

gray area drinking right there, and

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lots of people are hiding it and.

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I was hiding it too.

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And, but I just felt all my family drink,

all my friends drink, this is what we do.

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This is how it's always been.

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So it did take me a long time to

snap back out of that mode as well.

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From that first initial shock to then

going, actually, it was affecting a

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lot of areas of my life at this point.

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It was like my health.

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I look back on photos.

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It's Oh God, I look bloated.

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My eyes are dull.

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I put on weight.

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It really was a coping mechanism

for the job that I was in.

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I was in quite a high crisis.

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I was doing crisis work at the

time, and I was really leaning on

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it at the, at that point as well.

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So it's got quite unmanageable,

I think, because I was Oh

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God, this is such hard work.

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And then my relationship with, my

ex now, it came to an end and that's

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when I took it really seriously then.

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It was like, oh my gosh, I've

lost, I've broken up my family.

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Not because of the drink, the

relationship wasn't working.

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. But It made me just reevaluate everything.

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Suddenly I'm a single parent.

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It was like, actually, what are you doing?

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What does this look like now?

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So that's when I took it really seriously.

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And that's probably around about time

when, yeah, I had those a hundred

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days until eventually it was like,

Yay, I've gone past a hundred.

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And even that was like, I'm going to

fall at any moment, but here I am.

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undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

No, you're not.

214

You've gone way past 100 now.

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It's amazing.

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You've been proper inspiring, especially

to the new people on the group.

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It's lovely.

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And I know you're not on it all the time,

but when you do dip into the WhatsApp,

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it's always something pretty inspiring.

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Yeah, I love that.

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Out of all the things that you've been

through since you decided to stop, what

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do you think was your biggest challenge?

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tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

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Friday nights, without a doubt.

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I've been so programmed into Friday night.

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This is what we do.

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Friday night, celebrate the weekend.

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It's the beginning of the weekend.

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. And I was literally climbing the walls.

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I didn't know what to do with myself.

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I remember it so clearly thinking, I

don't know how to celebrate Friday.

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I literally don't know how

to bring in the weekend.

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What am I supposed to do?

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I work a week and this is what we do.

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So I'd be climbing the wall.

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So I just had to really change that up.

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It was like, what does that look like?

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And obviously there's people that were

further along than me that had all

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these great advice around tools that

we could use and it was alcohol free.

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Beer, it was like, it was the

ritual, but not the actual drink.

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And that really helped for me

because I chose a product that

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I wouldn't normally drink.

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So I never drank beer.

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If I tried it with cider, it

wouldn't have worked because I

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couldn't trick myself that way.

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But because I drank, I didn't drink

beer, I'd buy an alcohol free beer.

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It felt the same.

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The top came off the same.

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It was bubbly.

250

It smelt like beer.

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It made me think it was doing the job

and that actually really worked for me.

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And then literally just changing

up what I did, obviously

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didn't go back down the pub.

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It was like, let's go

for walks with friends.

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Let's do something different.

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And I look back now and it's like

Friday, it doesn't feel like that at all.

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It's so weird.

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I can't believe, because at

the time it felt like I was

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never going to get through it.

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And now it just feels like Friday is the.

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the door to the weekend.

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Brilliant!

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It just feels a completely different

vibe, rather than I'm going to go

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out Friday night, we're going to get

absolutely sozzled, and then we're

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going to wake up Saturday morning a

bit rough, but probably still able

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to keep it together at this point.

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And then we're going to plan a Saturday,

which is going to be vaguely around

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staying in with a bottle of wine,

because we've done the Friday night

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out, now we're doing the sitting in,

Saturday, watch a film, drink some wine.

270

And then Sunday, that's family day, right?

271

So now we're going to go for a

lovely long walk with the pub at

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the end, because we're winding down.

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And then Monday feel like absolute pants,

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undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

It's funny how it's all so

275

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: oh,

276

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: isn't it?

277

Around

278

like the whole weekend was just planned,

279

around

280

. tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

It was, it's so weird, isn't it?

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I I know now all the things

that I used to put in place.

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Like I used to love having gatherings.

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I still love having gatherings, but it's

not quite the same because the gatherings

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really, there was an ulterior motive.

285

One, it was to catch up with all

my friends and have a great time.

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But in the background, it was like,

yippee, it's a good excuse to actually

287

drink and everybody's drinking.

288

And so I've got the excuse.

289

And we're all doing it.

290

Those were difficult.

291

If I'm honest, the first gatherings

to have sober were awkward.

292

Oh, and should I, I can

tell you about this time.

293

I went on a girl's weekend cause

that's actually quite a funny story.

294

It was a friend of mine's birthday.

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Girls Weekend, like about 7 or 8

of us, and I was in my 100 days

296

blip, 100 days blip sort of cycle.

297

I had 3 options, it was like, don't go.

298

Oh, that's not an option, my best friend

would absolutely kill me, can't do that.

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Okay, so that's wiped out.

300

Two, I can drink.

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Oh, but I've only just started again.

302

I really don't want to do that

because I've already committed

303

to this 100 days again.

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No, come on, I don't do that.

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Okay, three go and just be sober.

306

Oh my gosh, I can't do a weekend being

completely sober with everyone drinking.

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What am I going to do?

308

And I came up with this cunning plan.

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I don't know if this is really

advisable for people to do this,

310

but it really worked for me.

311

So basically I took what looks like my

drink, and at the time it was a bottle

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of cider, I took my bottles but I

emptied them out and I filled them with

313

alcohol free ciders and I squidged the

tops back on so they looked the deal.

314

And what I would do was I would be

the first one to drink, so I'd go

315

straight to the fridge while people

are still drinking cups of tea.

316

So everyone felt like, yeah, Tiff's

just doing what she would do.

317

I'd crack open this cider, I'd have one.

318

By that time, everybody had

started drinking and then I'd

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go off and have a second one.

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Sometimes I'd left the bottles of

cider in my, the boot of my car and

321

I just take out the empty bottle

and fill it up and come back in.

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But I only needed two and

then I'd be on to tea.

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And what I watched with that was there

was some girls that went that drank

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like I would drink, then there was other

girls that literally just had a glass

325

of wine and made it last all night.

326

And it was just really interesting.

327

It's always interesting

that sort of observation.

328

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: those

aliens that we talk about who can

329

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Absolutely.

330

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

glass of wine all night.

331

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Absolutely.

332

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: even

333

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: know.

334

But what was really funny about this

was one, one evening I went out to

335

the car to fill up my bottle and my

best friend came out and she saw me

336

and she went, Oh what are you doing?

337

I went, Oh nothing.

338

Just getting another cider.

339

Anyway, months later, I never

said anything to anyone.

340

I was so happy.

341

I had such a good weekend.

342

I was exactly the same buzz as everybody.

343

Nobody knew.

344

Nobody sussed me out.

345

And I just had a great weekend.

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And that was in the early days.

347

Like I said, I wouldn't

need to do that now.

348

It wouldn't bother me at all, but

I just felt so anxious about it.

349

But later on, about six months later,

I actually told her, I said, I wasn't

350

actually drinking that weekend.

351

And she went, what?

352

I said, no, those were like filled

up bottles of blah, blah, blah.

353

And she went, that's so funny.

354

Cause when I saw you in the

boot, I thought you were

355

pouring vodka in your bottle.

356

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: When

you started telling me, I was thinking

357

it's like the opposite of what people

who are trying to hide drinking, you were

358

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

I know, it's so weird.

359

It it made me, I'm a minx and that floated

my boat actually, that there was this sort

360

of cunning secret and it was like nobody

knew about it and I was , getting away

361

with it, but in a completely backward way.

362

It was so weird, but it really

363

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: I

364

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: yeah.

365

I know,

366

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: just

picture you as well out your boot with

367

your Put your alcohol free drinks into

368

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

it's weird.

369

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: funny.

370

Oh what about things that you

have found To be better than

371

you thought they would be.

372

They talk in Saber Circus about pink

373

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah,

374

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

And what are the things that

375

you've discovered about yourself

376

Or just a new thing that you may never

have discovered had you not made this

377

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: yeah.

378

I think so one of the things was

being able to be with my family.

379

And have a proper, natural, high laugh.

380

When it first started happening, when I

first took time out from drink my mum said

381

to me, Are you sure you're not drinking?

382

Because I was laughing so much.

383

My kids used to say,

Oh, mum's drunk again.

384

And I'd be like, No, you

know I'm not drinking.

385

And they'd go, Oh yeah.

386

And we'd all look at each other really

weirdly, oh, what does that mean?

387

. Like I can still have a laugh.

388

That was being the biggest

eye opener because.

389

Like I remember when I was a kid and going

out with my mates and having a great old

390

time, we forget that's the real truth.

391

That actually there was no drink involved.

392

You were having a good crack

and everything's great.

393

And then before you know

it, you're 14, 15, 16.

394

And then , you're in the cycle and

life carries on in a different way.

395

But that's.

396

It's really eye popping for me.

397

It was eye popping for me

that it was like, Oh actually,

398

I can actually be a twat.

399

And people laugh or whatever.

400

Do you know what I mean?

401

I don't actually have to

have a drink to be a twat.

402

It is actually my go to.

403

What else for me?

404

Saying no.

405

I was a real people pleaser.

406

Like lots of women are, I grew up

the same as a lot of women and yes.

407

Not actually standing by my own truth.

408

Stopping drinking really challenged

me in that department because I had

409

to sit with my family and friends

while they were going, Oh, go on.

410

Don't be silly.

411

You didn't drink much and all that stuff.

412

And I'm saying that in a horrible

way because they weren't being

413

horrible, but They wanted me to be

part of the gang again, of course.

414

Nobody wants to lose you and they see that

you're leaving the fold kind of thing.

415

And I'd have to say no

and it was really hard.

416

I found it really difficult to say no

when I was, it, I was so uncomfortable

417

with it but I had to keep saying no

and keep saying no and keep saying no

418

and it's really helped me in so many

areas in my life now because There

419

came a point where I actually really

wanted people to ask me something so

420

I could say no to it because I felt

like I really loved it at this point.

421

It was like, oh my god, it's

so empowering to say no.

422

So that's been another one

that I've really enjoyed that I

423

don't mind now being different

because you have to be different.

424

around, your social groups.

425

And now it's actually a superpower

because now I feel like, Oh, I've

426

recognized that I'm okay, not fitting in.

427

And that really transpires

into many areas of my life.

428

I've had to really face a lot

of other stuff since then.

429

Which I know I wouldn't have done.

430

If I was drinking for a start, I've got

more of a backbone now that I thicker

431

skinned and think no, this is okay.

432

I can do this.

433

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

And I think there's lots

434

around that saying no thing.

435

I remember this being talked about

in our WhatsApp group actually.

436

And it was the power of saying no.

437

And actually the no is a

438

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

I fully said it.

439

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: And

I think we had a challenge, didn't we?

440

To go

441

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

442

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Just

443

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

444

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

And I was the same, by the

445

way, still am a little bit.

446

But I do saying no to things

now, mostly because it means

447

I don't end up doing loads of

448

that I don't

449

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

450

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Lovely.

451

and also you don't have to enjoy

everything and you don't have to be part

452

of every night out and you don't have

to be part of every event and if you.

453

you're choosing this life, then

sometimes it's better for you not to be.

454

And I think I love it.

455

I love having those boundaries in place

456

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

457

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

So that's a definite

458

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

459

Yeah.

460

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

One of the joyous things about

461

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

462

Like you say, boundaries, my

boundaries are a lot firmer.

463

I think it was Brene Brown.

464

She did some research to try

and find out who were the most

465

compassionate people out in the world.

466

And she she was asking nurses and

nuns and priests and whoever she

467

considered to be compassionate.

468

And the, when the research The most

compassionate people in the world are

469

the ones with boundaries of steel.

470

And I thought that was

really amazing actually.

471

It's not, you're not being harsh and

uncaring and not loving by saying no,

472

you're actually being more loving and

caring because you're protecting yourself.

473

So you can give more of

what's actually true.

474

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Yeah,

475

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

476

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: And

also, if you're saying yes, things

477

that you don't want to do, or you're

doing too many things, or you're

478

just running around like a chicken,

which is probably what I used to do.

479

You end up feeling a

resentment underneath.

480

So she's absolutely right that you

can be much more kind and authentic.

481

If you're prepared to say no, thank you.

482

And saying no to drinks.

483

You're right.

484

It's a really

485

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: yeah,

486

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: that

because I also had the people saying,

487

come on, you were great fun, Vic.

488

And I like you.

489

I look back and think, that's great.

490

Oh my God, I had a blast.

491

I was an absolute

492

I had an absolute brilliant time,

493

But there is a dark side as well.

494

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

And the mornings.

495

The mornings and the anxiety

and the little bit of fear.

496

What did I say?

497

What did I do?

498

way outweighed any of

499

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Absolutely.

500

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

for me in the

501

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

I never pick up, I never reach for

502

my phone in the morning now and

think, oh no, what have I done?

503

I think it's because I was telling

somebody about it the other day and

504

I said, I'm quite minxy, which is

I've got this kind of, I don't know

505

if minxie means something to me, it

means something to me, a bit naughty.

506

So I don't need much to be naughty

anyway, but give me a drink and it's it's

507

off the scale then because it's like,

Oh, now my minx has really come out.

508

And there were no kind of

filters on that at all.

509

So it was like, Oh, I'm just going

to go out and be really stupid, but

510

it got me into no end of trouble.

511

Yeah.

512

And I'd pick up and look at the phone

and be like, Oh no, why did I do that?

513

I trust myself so much more

now 'cause because of that.

514

'cause I think I know what I've said.

515

I remember what I've said for a start.

516

My, that's another thing,

like you said about thing.

517

I never knew that I had this superpower.

518

And I'm gonna brag about it because

I know that it isn't, especially

519

for women my age menopausal women.

520

I know that a lot of people

talk about memory loss.

521

And I know that's the thing.

522

I started a group, it

was a swimming group.

523

This was over a year ago.

524

And more and more people were coming

and I was remembering their names, I

525

literally was remembering their names

and this is Elaine and this is Leanne

526

and this is Serza and I'd introduced

them to people and people would go,

527

wow, like 30 people would turn up and

this is the da, and I'd remember them

528

all and I just kept remembering them.

529

I thought, I don't know

how When did this happen?

530

When did I have a superpower of

remembering names, which is actually

531

a really good superpower because

people like to be remembered.

532

It's actually really beneficial and

introducing people to people is great.

533

Especially in a group setting.

534

If you're setting up a group, it's

great, but I definitely didn't

535

have that when I was drinking.

536

No way.

537

No way.

538

Because it's cleared away the fog and

it's Oh, actually I can access a part

539

of my brain that's not clouded over.

540

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

yeah, it doesn't feel like a huge big

541

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: No.

542

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

to remember somebody.

543

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: all.

544

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: I

remember the trying to remember days.

545

Oh, what did I say?

546

And who was

547

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

548

Oh.

549

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Who was

550

talking to for four hours

551

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: When

people would say, oh, you last night.

552

Oh, no.

553

And

554

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

thing ever,

555

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

I don't want to know.

556

But of course, then they

proceed to tell you all about

557

the horrendous things you did.

558

Then you were dancing on the table.

559

Yeah.

560

Okay.

561

Can stop now.

562

Stop.

563

Stop.

564

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: you could

stop with the, Oh, you should have seen

565

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: I know.

566

I

567

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

Don't tell me

568

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah,

569

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: That's

570

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: I

know our culture now is people get their

571

phones out on video and stuff like that.

572

But luckily, I think I probably just about

dodged it where people were doing that.

573

But there would be some hideous

things out there of me, really

574

thinking if it was my, if I was 14

and 15 and going through this again,

575

I think that would stop me actually.

576

That would really help me to stop.

577

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: All.

578

Can you imagine some of the

things if that was on, oh, just

579

be horrendous if it was on camera.

580

Yeah, I'm very relieved that they

weren't around, that just shows my age as

581

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

582

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: thank

583

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yep.

584

Yeah.

585

Small mercy.

586

Yeah.

587

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: couple

more things just want to ask you about.

588

First one is just a very practical thing.

589

Is there, tool you would advise for

somebody of all the tools and there's

590

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

591

Yeah.

592

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: we

all different we all use what's your

593

number one what would your go to be?

594

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: My

number one, if I'm having a craving is

595

different to my number one that I would

use, which is my overall without a doubt

596

has been the most beneficial to me.

597

So I'll tell you that one first and

then I'll talk about the craving one.

598

When I stopped, there was a void.

599

There's always a void, that's just

the nature of the beast, isn't it?

600

If you're going to go on a diet and

cut out cakes, you're going to have

601

to fill it with something, or, a

relationship breaks up, there's a big

602

hole of the shape of that partner.

603

And that was, there was a drink shaped

hole, it was like, that's the truth.

604

So it was like what am I

going to fill this with?

605

And I it was my mum actually who

found the meditation group and she

606

said, Oh, it's for stress and anxiety,

which she was stressed at the time.

607

And I went along and there were three

Buddhist monks there, which really, I just

608

went, Wow, my gosh, this is the real deal.

609

Okay.

610

And I've never stopped going.

611

And although my meditation has changed

and I've tried different meditations,

612

recently, I did a course on transcendental

meditation, which I absolutely loved.

613

So I'm doing transcendental meditation at

the moment, but equally any meditation,

614

as far as I'm concerned, It was

such a lifesaver and for my life and

615

now I meditate twice a day absolutely

has a massive impact on my life.

616

In so many areas because it's the pause.

617

It helps you with the pause, which

is what we talk about sometimes,

618

you've got a trigger and it's

like you need to take a pause.

619

Meditation's helped me with the pause

and that's helped me in my relationships.

620

Not being so reactive.

621

I remember my ex once he was on

the phone to me and we were just

622

about to launch into some sort

of like back and forth stuff.

623

And I just paused and I didn't do

anything else apart from pause.

624

And eventually he went,

are you still there?

625

I'm like, And I went, yeah.

626

And we were both surprised.

627

It was like, this is not

what was going to happen.

628

And I didn't have anything to say.

629

And I spoke to the meditation teacher

after and said I just didn't say anything.

630

And she went that's great.

631

But at least you didn't

carry on the normal pattern.

632

And it was actually much

better for our relationship.

633

So meditation, brilliant,

definitely for having a trigger.

634

When I'm in, in that moment, which

hasn't happened for quite a while

635

now, but when it has, and I've had

a few over the last, year even,

636

and it's it's really in my mind.

637

I need a drink.

638

I need a cider.

639

It's the group, it's the

group, it's my go to.

640

I just put the call out it's

literally help, I'm in trouble and

641

that's enough to take the heat off

because I'm not on my own anymore.

642

I've just sent out the message

and I always get lots back.

643

Okay, what's going on for you?

644

Where are you?

645

And everybody's on it and

it just breaks the spell.

646

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Good way.

647

And also, I think once you've put it

out there, there's some accountability

648

because you've told people and it's the

649

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

It's the secrecy.

650

Yeah.

651

It doesn't feel quite as appealing

anymore because suddenly it's

652

like you're not as naughty.

653

You're the naughty child going out.

654

But it is like everyone knows about it.

655

I've always said to people,

just put the SOS out.

656

And so many people don't.

657

And I get why you don't.

658

Because I didn't.

659

I never used to.

660

And the reason I didn't is 'cause I

didn't want anyone to bloody stop me.

661

I wanna drink.

662

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Yeah.

663

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

That's it.

664

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

That's the truth of it, isn't it?

665

The reason you don't send

something is that you know

666

that the group would stop you.

667

They're proper the soberesis

group you're talking about at the

668

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

669

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

aren't you?

670

That were in the

671

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

672

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: group

and they're actually one which bashes.

673

They would get ahold of that

one, which and kill her.

674

So you started a Sober Swim group,

and I thought we would just, as our

675

final part of our conversation, talk

a little bit about that, because I

676

think it's wonderful, and I think

anyone in your area would love to come.

677

So tell us a little bit

678

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Yeah, okay.

679

So I started a swim group, I recognized

that actually, there was lots of people

680

out there that might want to join up like

the Blue Tits, a little bit like that.

681

So I organized.

682

It was called the 10 o'clock club.

683

And at 10 o'clock every day, I went down

there and sat there and I was surprised

684

at how many people came and it's been

over a year now and it's been really

685

successful and I'm so proud of it.

686

It's a really lovely group and everybody's

developed and got better at swimming, but

687

it's just, it's just this fabulous group.

688

So recently I was thinking

about What can I do?

689

What am I really passionate about?

690

I'm a life coach anyway.

691

And then I just thought, oh, wow, I

can actually form a sober group because

692

one of the things that I really miss.

693

Was in real life, sober

people to hang out with.

694

There's a gap here.

695

There's a massive gap.

696

We've got aa, I went to AA once.

697

It's great.

698

It's brilliant.

699

It's fantastic.

700

It's helped loads of people.

701

It didn't align with me.

702

It didn't talk to me.

703

Other than that, we've got a

local addiction service here.

704

There's a massive void here.

705

And I live in a place,

Falmouth in, in Cornwall.

706

And there's 24, 000 people that live here

and don't tell me there's not a lot of

707

them that are struggling with drinking.

708

I set it up about four weeks ago.

709

It's at five o'clock on a Monday,

a Wednesday and a Saturday night.

710

So I've done it specifically

at that time because it's like

711

when the wine witch comes out.

712

So it's let's break those

old neural pathways.

713

So we meet we go in for a swim

if it's, the conditions are okay

714

and then we just sit around.

715

So on Saturday night we had one, we didn't

go in that night but we had a fire and we

716

just sat around and we just had a great

old time and there's a film coming up

717

soon so I've put out that and it's that

one The Outrun, which is around a woman's

718

experience of drinking and getting sober.

719

So I've just put out maybe we

could do this after our next swim

720

session and go to the cinema after.

721

It's really in the early stages.

722

We've got a Facebook group.

723

It's called Sober Sea Swimmers.

724

So anybody in the local area,

because I want to build a community.

725

Yeah basically join the Facebook

group and then come down as often

726

as you can or just join in the

conversations on the Facebook chat.

727

And I don't know where it's going.

728

It's really exciting.

729

I'm very excited about it.

730

I feel really passionate about it.

731

Yeah, it's stirring up a lot of

conversations around and I can feel that.

732

So that's good.

733

That's really good.

734

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

That's a good thing.

735

Sometimes you need to disrupt

736

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

737

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

if you don't get the reaction.

738

That's the

739

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: I know.

740

I think it is the minks in me.

741

Also, this thing about building

a thicker skin, it's I know now

742

if go down there tonight at 5 p.

743

m.

744

and nobody's there, do you know what?

745

It's fine.

746

I'll sit and look at the sea.

747

I'll go for a swim.

748

It won't bother me now.

749

I won't take it personally.

750

I would have taken it personally before.

751

But now I just think, you know what?

752

You've got to remember your why.

753

And my why is, there's a lot

of people out there struggling.

754

There's no, there's not enough spaces for

people that are sober or sober curious.

755

It's also for sober curious people.

756

I just want to build a little

community that can support each other.

757

That's right.

758

That's it really.

759

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

And I think that does come

760

through, through being sober.

761

I , once you get to a stage where you

feel and, not being blasé about it,

762

but once you get to a place where you

feel a confidence, there is a desire to

763

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

764

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

Because you know how

765

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

766

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: is

767

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

768

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

wonderful it is.

769

And for you you've gone on and

done all these wonderful things.

770

You're a coach, you've

got this swim group.

771

And I feel like my life has

changed immeasurably as well.

772

It's like a total transformation.

773

Thank you for joining me today.

774

Tiff.

775

It's been an absolute

pleasure speaking with you.

776

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Thank you for having me.

777

Thanks for letting me go, Blair.

778

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: welcome.

779

That's what it's all about.

780

A little bit.

781

Oh dear.

782

Thank you for listening to our

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

783

If you felt that it helped you, make

sure that you like, share and follow.

784

And leave a review on podchaser.

785

com.

786

And remember, make your

catchphrase, I don't drink