Is Your Relationship the Problem.....Or Your Anxiety?
CONNECT WITH CHARLENE
On Instagram @mscharlenebyars (https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars/?hl=en)
On YouTube @chosentraining (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAEFkimtIowqoyz1_lnF8Rg)
Work with me HERE (https://charlenebyars.com/)
CONNECT WITH SARAH
On Instagram @youloveandyoulearn (https://www.instagram.com/youloveandyoulearn?igsh=OXU3MnRsZW)
Work with me Here: (https://www.youloveandyoulearn.com/?fbclid=PAVERFWARevWtleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA8xMjQwMjQ1NzQyODc0MTQAAadBbL4HeU6h8Fa4ohahsg8wnKDCkal-BIfhC7WpkfgC9aU2DzFUxielvS1a_w_aem_i47ckti4ihEg4lXYaAYPAQ)
Here the Video Covers:
I. The Foundations of Breath & Grounding
00:00 – The "Right Now" Breath: A quick morning routine for immediate reconnection. 01:00 – Intro: Why Sarah was the most anticipated guest for the show.
01:27 – The Transition: Moving from a relationship anxiety coach to a breathwork facilitator.
02:41 – The "Bottom-Up" Approach: Why we must start with the body to shift the mind. 03:38 – The Trigger Trap: Why mindset shifts fail when you are emotionally flooded.
05:21 – LIVE PRACTICE: A 90-second guided grounding exercise for the audience.
07:52 – The Result: Moving from "sticky thoughts" back into the room.
09:04 – Beyond On-Autopilot: Tapping into intuition and the "Wise Inner Self." II. Sarah’s Story: The High-Stakes of Love
11:22 – May 2020: The "Accidental" move-in and the surge of global/personal anxiety.
12:30 – The Moment of Truth: Admitting "I don’t know if I love you anymore" to Nate.
13:55 – The Wake-Up Call: Realizing the fear was internal, not a reflection of the partner. 15:13 – Projection: Why core insecurities (fear of failure) mirror onto the relationship.
III. Relationship OCD & The Anatomy of Doubt
18:26 – Relationship OCD (ROCD): Obsessions, compulsions, and relationship fixation. 19:57 – Healthy Doubt vs. Unhealthy Doubt: How to tell if it’s intuition or anxiety.
21:44 – The "Not Enough" Checklist: Fixating on a partner's intelligence, humor, or habits. 22:37 – Comparison Culture: The danger of "Social Media Relationships."
24:31 – The Gap of Self-Trust: Learning to trust your decisions without external validation.
IV. Somatic Healing & Pattern Breaking
27:33 – Identifying Core Needs: Emotional connection vs. personal responsibility.
30:39 – The Ownership Shift: Realizing you cannot trade one person's flaws for "perfection."
31:35 – Halfway Principle: Your partner cannot be the only one pulling you out of spirals. 33:25 – Why you can't "think" your way through a body pattern.
34:47 – Case Study: Breaking down the story we tell ourselves vs. what our partner feels. 36:38 – The "Inside Out" Movie Analogy: Meeting your inner "Itty Bitty Shitty Committee."
V. Anxiety as a Stress Response
37:59 – Proactive Peace: Why you need a practice before the stress starts.
38:43 – What is Anxiety? Defining "Energy in Motion" and physical sensations.
39:24 – Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: How relationship anxiety mimics survival instincts.
41:16 – The Upward Spiral: Understanding that healing isn't linear.
VI. Practical Application & Resources
44:10 – The Micro Moment: Using 5 minutes to gain clarity during a disagreement.
45:05 – Deep Dives: The power of 40-minute active breathwork sessions.
47:56 – The "Awaken Daily" Routine: The 10-20-30 connected breathing technique explained.
48:30 – Asking Inner Guidance: The final step to tapping into self-trust.
51:21 – Closing the Gap: Being your own "inner cheerleader" and partner.
53:14 – The Ripple Effect: How Sarah’s shift changed her marriage and business energy. 56:03 – Where to find Sarah: Connect with "You Love and You Learn" on Instagram.
57:15 – Final Message: Giving yourself grace and realizing you aren't behind.
58:27 – Closing: Cheers to great love and subscribing for more.
A Simple 90-Second Practice to Reconnect You don't need a 30-minute session to start. Whenever you feel yourself spiraling into "autopilot" or "perfectionist" mode, try this:
Observe: Close your eyes and notice the natural flow of your breath without changing it. Deepen: Take a deep inhale through the nose, feeling the expansion in your lungs. Release: Let out a slow, audible sigh.
Repeat: Do this for 90 seconds to tune out external noise and reconnect with your "wise inner self."
