Letting go of the past is one of the hardest steps in healing—but it’s also one of the most freeing. In this episode of Born to Be a Butterfly, Nina Pajonas shares why moving forward is not selfish, but an act of self-preservation and faith. Through her own story of recovery and transformation, she explains why we often stay stuck—unfinished pain, identity attachment, the illusion of control, and even spiritual warfare- and how God calls us to release the old so He can do something new.

If you’ve ever struggled with regret, toxic relationships, or fear of the unknown, this episode will equip you to let go, heal, and step boldly into the life God has prepared for you.

🦋 Take the first step: What’s one thing you’re ready to release? Send me a DM or email—I’d love to pray for you!

🌟 If this episode encouraged you, please leave a review to help more people find healing and hope.

🎧 Listen now and start your journey to freedom!

Born to be a Butterfly © 2025 Nina Pajonas All rights reserved. The content of this podcast is for informational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. The views expressed are those of the host and guests and do not necessarily reflect those of any affiliated organizations. For full disclaimer, visit ninapajonas.com

hey, friend. Welcome back to another episode of Born to Be a Butterfly, the podcast dedicated to helping you break free from the past, embrace the present, and transform your life.

I'm so glad you're here today because we're diving into a topic that I know many of us struggle with. How to let go of the past and finally move forward.

Sometimes we can put off making changes that are necessary because we know just how difficult the emotional aftermath is going to be. We can foresee the grief that we're going to feel and also the fear.

Embarking on a new chapter is never easy. In fact, the unknown can be quite scary. But we can't step into something new without leaving behind the old. And it's not selfish,

it's self preservation.

We can't grow if we aren't willing to change, and we become stagnant if we refuse to move forward.

Both are necessary on our journeys and neither is negative,

no matter how it feels.

However, I'm not minimizing the emotional impact that can come from letting go of something from your past,

something that has been a huge part of your story. I get it. Moving on from the past,

the painful past, whether it's from relationships or unhealed wounds or regret,

it could just feel like you're carrying a heavy weight and no matter how hard you try, you just. You can't put it down and it won't go away.

I've been there, too,

and I want to share a little bit of my own journey with you.

In my life, there was a time where I felt that I would never be able to move past the shame and the mistakes of my past. And I touched on that in the last episode where I spoke about the fact that I'm in recovery from alcoholism.

And I truly did not feel that anyone could help me. And I didn't believe that I was worthy of help.

I thought my mistakes defined me.

That is, until I came back to Christ. And once I did, then I realized that I am not the things that I've done. I know who I am now because I know whose I am.

My identity is found in Christ. And now I don't live in the past anymore. I embrace the present and I'm hopeful about my future.

And even when I'm uncertain about my future, I can be faithful because I've seen so much of his great work in my story.

So I trust. I trust the Lord. I do. But I understand that it's difficult.

It's very easy to get defined by the things that have happened to you or the things that you've done.

It's not as easy as just saying to yourself, oh yeah, I want to let go of this relationship that I've been in for a very long time or I want to move from this job that I have such great financial security at.

But there's a really toxic environment that I can't stand and it makes me anxious to come into work every day. But I really,

I can't afford not to have this job. Like, I know that there are things that even though logically we know we need to let them go, that emotionally and even I think spiritually, right.

It could just be really hard to move forward.

We can feel disloyal,

we can actually feel guilty for doing what's good for ourselves.

And I'm not advising you or anyone else to be selfish or self centered. That's not at all what I'm saying. That's not at all what I'm advising anyone to do.

What I'm encouraging is self care. And there's a very, very big difference.

So today we're going to talk about why we hold onto the past,

why it's so difficult to release it, and how you can start taking practical steps to let go and move forward.

So let's get into it.

Why do we struggle to let go of the past?

There are a few reasons I want to explore with you today that might resonate with you. And the first is unfinished pain. When we don't fully process our pain, we tend to hold on to it even when we don't realize it.

We avoid facing the hurt because it's just easier to ignore it. But unfortunately that only gives the pain more power over us.

Another reason is identity attachment, which I was just speaking about a couple of minutes ago.

Sometimes we allow our past to define who we are.

And it's like we're thinking, if I let go of this pain, who will I be? What will my story be without it?

And it's so unfortunate that that happens, but it does. We identify with brokenness and, and we can get very used to being uncomfortable in a relationship or in a bad job.

And we can just come to accept that as the norm to the point that we don't really know what life is like without all of the chaos and the negativity.

So that literally becomes our identity because it's been our reality for so long. It doesn't mean that it's your true identity because it's not, obviously, but it can feel that way.

That's why it's so important to Try to be in the Word as much as you can. Because when we read Scripture, I mean, and. And I get it, we're all busy and.

And it's tough sometimes.

But if you use the Bible app, whichever one you use, there's a function where you can play it in your car,

right? Just use your Bluetooth. You do it for. We do it for everything else. So why not do it for God's Word? Because when we immerse ourselves in it, it's a lot easier to remember who we really are.

And then the next reason it can be hard to let go and move forward is the illusion of control. Holding onto the past often feels like control,

like we're keeping a strong grip on something that gave us certainty.

But in reality, the control is actually what keeps us stuck. It prevents us from experiencing the new things that God has planned for us.

And then, last but not least, there's spiritual warfare.

The enemy loves to keep us trapped in the past, trapped in shame, in regret, in bitterness.

He whispers, lies to us that we're not worthy of healing, that we're defined by the mistakes in our past.

But let me tell you something.

God has already defeated the enemy, and he's offering you freedom from this battle.

In the book of Isaiah,

God speaks directly to this subject. In Isaiah 43, 18, 19, he says, forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past.

See, I'm doing a new thing now. It springs up. Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

I love this scripture because he's telling us, leave these things behind,

don't dwell on them. I have something new for you. Can't you see it? He says, do you not perceive it? That's God saying, don't you see it?

I'm making a way in the wilderness. The wilderness is the dark times of our lives. I'm sure we all know that, right? But if you didn't. That's what it means, the wilderness.

Like we're lost, we don't know where we're going. That's what the wilderness represents in the Bible. So God is saying, I'm making a way out of it, and I'm making streams in the wasteland.

I'm going to give you everything you need. I'm going to give you life again, is what he's saying.

But you have to leave the past behind and trust him with your future.

He's calling you forward.

He's inviting you,

and it's time to accept the invitation.

Now I want you to Take a moment and reflect on this question.

What is the one thing from your past that you're afraid to let go of?

Take some time and think about it.

I also want to give you some practical steps to help you release the past and start moving forward.

Today,

let's dive into these together.

The first step is to identify what's keeping you tied to the past.

Are you holding on to resentment? Regret? Or maybe you feel a deep sense of injustice?

This is where I'm going to suggest that you grab a journal and take a few minutes to pray to God and ask him to reveal what is holding you back.

And if he brings something to mind, if he reveals something through the spirit and he, he shows you clearly what it is, write it down and follow those feelings. Write down those thoughts.

Really, really get into the details of why you're holding on to something so tightly that you should be letting go of.

Then, once you've acknowledged it, I want to encourage you to surrender it to God. I know it's not easy,

but it's necessary for healing.

You might want to pray.

God, I give this to you. I refuse to carry what you have already taken to the cross.

Another powerful way to surrender is to physically write down what you're holding onto and then tear it up.

And then maybe as you're tearing up the paper, as you're throwing it away, you could say something like, I'm releasing this,

I'm releasing what no longer serves me because I serve a God who wants the best for me.

Then the next step, and this is,

well, it's not an easy one. In fact, I'm going to wind up doing an episode probably in the very near future on this subject because it's so difficult.

It's forgiveness,

forgiving someone even when they don't deserve it. And that's a really, really hard thing to do. And I will say that I've gotten better at it, but it is still a struggle for me.

Self righteous anger, Oof.

That could be the worst. Because you're right,

your reasons for being angry are valid because you've been hurt and you didn't do anything.

Somebody did something they shouldn't have done, they said something they shouldn't have said,

they hurt you and you're owed an apology.

But you don't always get it. A lot of us don't.

There's a lot of apologies floating around out there that never made their way to us that we really believe that we deserve. And we do.

But we can't live in a space where we're just waiting for apologies to come that are never going to come. We can't do that.

So forgiveness is essential.

It is so important to healing.

And it's not about excusing what happened to you. Okay,

let's get that part straight. It's not excusing what happened to you. It's about releasing its power over you.

Jesus forgave us when we didn't deserve it, and he continues to forgive us when we don't deserve it. Because, let's face it, we're still sinning, all of us. No one is perfect except the Lord himself.

So he can help us to forgive others, too.

He can help us to forgive what we deem as the unforgivable. And again, this is an extremely difficult step, but it is imperative for our healing.

I know it's hard to conceive what your new life can look like or will look like when you're leaving your old life behind.

I know that type of fear.

I know the fear that comes with that. I really do. I mean, even when I started my journey of recovery, as positive a change as that was, I still. I was leaving an old life behind.

I was leaving my old identity behind and so many things that were associated with it. In fact, in recovery, they have a saying that if you want to stay sober,

you have to let go of people, places and things.

Not easy, right? People you've associated with,

places you've been. Places we used to go to get drunk or get high, whatever the case may be. And things.

And things can be. Well, pretty much anything. Right? But the point is that in recovery, we have to be really honest with ourselves as to what those triggers are, those people and those places and those things that are going to send us spiraling back to a past that almost destroyed us.

And that's a brutal type of honesty that you have to have with yourself.

And for me, when I realized that that was what I was gonna have to do, I mean, I knew it was a matter of life or death for me. I really.

I had to let go of those things.

It forced me to let go because I had hit my bottom.

I knew I didn't want that life anymore. And I knew, quite frankly, I couldn't afford to live that life anymore.

From a mental standpoint, from an emotional standpoint, from a physical standpoint,

especially a spiritual standpoint, I had no relationship with the Lord. I was so far removed from him.

And it was. It was to my detriment. It was the worst decision I ever made in my life to run from Him. When I did, when I was a kid, I was 17 years old.

I didn't know better, but, man,

I knew what that decision had cost me.

And so when I went back to the Lord, or better put, when he came for me, I grabbed Don with both hands and I said, I won't look back or I'll try my best not to.

And I'm not going to say I got it perfect. I mean, praise God. Praise God.

I've got over seven years of sobriety.

I am truly blessed.

But when I say I haven't gotten it perfect,

what I'm really trying to say is,

have I ever glanced back at my past?

Yeah.

Yeah.

There are times where as broken and dysfunctional and chaotic as things were,

for some reason, you might still feel nostalgic from time to time. I mean, does it make any sense? No,

it makes no logical sense. But we're emotional beings, and it happens. It happens sometimes. But I don't live there. I don't live there. I look forward. And when I say I look forward, I mean I actually look forward in two ways.

I look forward to the future. And I'm looking forward to seeing how God is going to show up in my future. Because I know he's got wonderful plans for my life.

I know he's going to surprise me with beautiful blessings.

He's going to do things that in a million years, I wouldn't even think of him doing.

That's the way God works.

He's a miracle maker.

I am going to read one more piece of scripture that is just. It's so important.

Most of us know it, but I'm going to read it anyway because I really want this word to sit with you.

He says, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.

Like I said,

this is a pretty common piece of scripture, but I want you to really listen. Because the Lord says, for I know the plans I have for you.

He knows.

Meaning we don't. Right? We have no clue.

When I read this, I kind of think of. He's kind of saying, you have no idea the wonderful things I have in store for you. Only I know, but my plans are to prosper you.

Now,

how? It could be anything, right? It could be financial, okay? It could be emotional. It could Be that friendship you've been waiting for, that. That special person that's going to help you walk through this life.

Good friends are hard to find. So I don't say that lightly.

Prosper could also be the romantic relationship you've been waiting for, right? It could be that. I mean, there's so many different ways in which it can prosper. You,

you have no idea where the blessings are going to come from and who's to say? I mean, it doesn't just have to be coming from one area. It doesn't have to just be one thing.

We have no idea. You have no idea how many blessings the Lord has in store for you. You don't. I mean, and that's, that's kind of fun when you think about it.

I mean, I get excited. I'm like, what is he gonna do now?

What is he gonna do next? Like, how is he gonna kind of blow my mind this time?

I look forward to seeing where he's going to show up and how he's going to show up and, and the loving things that he's going to do for me and the way he's going to show me the different ways that he's going to show me his love.

I look forward to it.

So I'm going to ask that you take one step forward today.

But if you have no idea what that one step would be,

then don't worry about it. Just pray on it. And once you do know,

take that step. Okay?

The one step might be something like unfollowing a toxic person in your life or starting a gratitude list.

Or maybe you take time every day to speak words of affirmation over yourself. I mean, I'm just giving you a few ideas,

but you know what that one step could be or should be, so I'll leave that up to you.

And remember,

healing is a process. It's not a one time decision.

It takes time. But every step that you take matters. Little by little.

Transformation occurs. It doesn't happen overnight. It's not meant to.

So be gentle with yourself, give yourself grace,

but also hold yourself accountable.

Believe it or not, you can do all three so that you could be productive and participate in your life and show up in the way you want to,

while also being kind to yourself.

God is waiting for you to take that first step of faith.

As we wrap up today's episode, I want to encourage you to pray and ask God to show you what he wants you to release and trust that he is a faithful God and He will guide you through this.

Journey of healing.

Let me pray for you Father. I want to thank you for each person who's listening today.

I ask that you would give them the strength and the courage to release what's holding them back from moving forward,

heal their hearts, renew their minds and lead them into the freedom you have prepared for them in Jesus name. Amen.

Before we go I want to hear from you.

What's the one thing from your past that you're ready to release?

Send me a DM or an email. I would love to pray for you and if this episode has blessed you, please take a moment to follow the podcast so you don't miss any future episodes.

I'd also really appreciate it if you could leave a review because it helps more people find the podcast and hopefully experience healing.

Thank you for tuning in. I am so excited that we're walking this journey together.

And remember you were born to be a butterfly.