In this episode of Now That I’m Engaged, How Do I Get Married?, Kevin Dennis and August Yocher sit down with venue owner and industry expert Dana Kadwell to discuss how couples can build a positive relationship with their wedding venue and create a smoother planning experience.

Drawing from nearly two decades in the event industry, Dana shares practical advice on why honesty, clear communication, and understanding your venue’s policies are key to avoiding common planning challenges. From reading your contract carefully to asking questions early and often, she explains how couples can work collaboratively with their venue team and vendors to keep the planning process running smoothly.

They also talk about the importance of hiring experienced professionals, preparing for unexpected situations, and showing appreciation for the people working behind the scenes to make your wedding day happen.

If you want to feel more confident navigating venue relationships and planning logistics, this episode offers helpful insight into how strong communication and preparation can make all the difference.

Highlights

• Why honesty and communication build trust with your venue team

• The importance of reading and understanding your venue contract

• Asking questions early to avoid misunderstandings

• Why experienced vendors help create a smoother wedding day

• The value of preparation and contingency planning

• How couples can show appreciation to venue staff

• Advocating for yourself gracefully when challenges arise

Connect with Dana:

Hustle and Gather

Instagram

Facebook

LinkedIn

The Anthem House

The Bradford NC

McAlister-Lefwich

Graham Mill

Connect with Kevin & August:

Website

Instagram

Youtube

TikTok

Pinterest

LinkedIn

All right, folks, welcome to another episode. Now that I'm engaged, how do I get married? And we're here today with the one and only Dana Cadwell. And she's going to be talking to us about how to stay on your venue's good side for all you couples out there that are maybe not being on your venue's good side. She's going to give you all the tips and tricks to stay on your venue's good side. But Dana, welcome to the episode. Why don't you tell us a little about yourself and how we got you here today?

Yeah, thank you so much for having me by the way. So excited for it. ⁓ I love giving any practical tips to clients and couples. But I got here, I've been in the industry for a little over 20 years now, which is crazy to say. Started out as a planner and really fell in love with the industry there. Just fell in love with the community, the clients, ⁓ just the design, like the rush of the day, all of it. And as...

Of course.

you kind of are ever evolving. The next step was a venue ownership. So I opened a venue about 11 years ago called the Bradford and ⁓ that has been such a learning experience in so many ways. I've probably talked for like hours about it, ⁓ but it's a little bittersweet season of life that the Bradford is being sold and I just purchased two other new venues. So ⁓ officially a multi-venue owner.

You

⁓

⁓ And that has been ⁓ really interesting and really cool because they're two very different venues. I get two very different types of clients. So it's been like a little bit of an education on my side, but yeah. So happy to be here. Thanks for having me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm excited to learn all about the new endeavor. It's going to be fun.

Yeah!

all right, so as we dive in here, what are some few easy ways couples can immediately build a great relationship with their venue team?

Yeah.

So I say the first thing is ⁓ to be honest. ⁓ And I think that's a hard thing because I think that couples sometimes want to say what they think we want them to say. And ultimately, we're all in this industry because we want to help and serve couples and clients. And so being honest where you're really at is like the most helpful thing because we're able to give you the best product, make the best recommendations.

Mm.

So that's the first thing I say is like, just tell me where you're at. Like even if it's something as simple as what your real budget is, don't tell me a fake budget. Like, you know, like that doesn't help or serve anybody. But even just like what stresses you out, even if it feels silly, like I had a client the other day that, you know, we were doing ⁓ a ⁓ call and I said, you know, what are you, what's really stressing you out right now? And she's like, no one has asked me that at all. And I was like, well, how can we help you? And she's like, it sounds really weird and it sounds really crazy. And I was like, I promise you it's not.

Mm-hmm

Mm-hmm.

And she's like, I just don't want to be bothered on the day with the easy questions. And she's like, and I get overwhelmed when I have to make decisions on the day. So I don't want to make any decisions on the day. So she's like, I want to make all the decisions, ask all the questions, have 10 different plan options before I walk in because I don't want to be asked to make a decision on my wedding day. And I was like, that's not weird at all. And I love that you told me that because now we can plan a

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Accordingly, you know, so being honest is a big thing. ⁓ Read your contract. It's like actually read it like truly truly read it. Don't just sign your life away. Understand like what you are agreeing to ⁓ in terms of the venue. It's so helpful to like be able to like raise that red flag and say, hey, like I actually don't like this clause or this thing and we can have a conversation about it. ⁓

Yeah.

Mmm.

Super easy, it's super easy to do. And then I think the last one is just ask questions. Like, you know, there's three things to tell people, read your contract, be honest where you're at and ask the questions. Don't be afraid to ask the questions. Like I want to be able to give you the answers.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, honestly, I

used to work at two venues and everything you're saying is just exactly what I would have said, too, because it's so funny, like you said, trying to be this perfect client or to say what you think they want to say. it's like, at the end of the day, I'm sure you've gotten this, too. But we've been asked every question in the book. We already have the answer for it. And reading your contract was so important. I would always point them to, OK, look at section eight. Section eight always had the like...

Hehehehehe

Mm-hmm.

you no fireworks or no, ⁓ what is it, the dried ice, like all that, that normally later are the certain things that couples are super upset about. And it's like, well, if you would have just read the contract, it would have saved you a lot of stress now. So.

Right. Yeah.

Yeah, it's

so true. And even when you try to do things like, I'm going to force you to read it by putting your initials here, it doesn't matter. They just don't read it. Yeah. Yep.

No.

They go boop boop boop boop boop.

Yeah,

and one of the venues we work at has like a client portal where they put a lot of information in there for the, and I'll ask them a question because we're planning an event and they're like, well, we don't know. I'm like, well, it's in your portal, you know, jump in there.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It's so true. It's so true. Well, and I think that there's and I don't know if it's a generational thing too. ⁓ And I don't love making stereotypes of generations in general, but I think maybe it's not generational. Maybe it's just the times that we're in that we are stuck behind a screen so much that the questions and I tell my clients like if you don't feel comfortable like sitting in front of me asking a question, text it to me, like email me, whatever, whatever you feel most comfortable with. But

But you're not annoying me by asking the question. There's nothing that you're going to ask me that is going to annoy me. If anything, it's going to make me appreciate you and love you more because I see you're engaged. I see that you care. I see you've put thought into it. Even if you think it's the dumbest question to me, it shows that you are going to be a collaborator and a partner in this process. You're not just going to expect me to be like, have you thought about this or have you thought about this? You know what I mean? So like it's don't be afraid of it. Like people are.

Mm-hmm.

I found that people are just like, well, I don't want to bother you. I'm like, you're not bothering me. Like I am in the service industry. Like this is my job. You are not bothering me. Yes. Yes. So true. Yeah. Yeah.

You

This is my job.

I live to serve. Well,

would you say other than like, not even being dishonest, but just like couples not being super willing to come forward with questions? are there any other behaviors that you see or requests that unintentionally constrain the relationship between a client and their venue?

Mmm.

Yeah, I mean, I think it's just like if they have this idea in their mind and then for some reason, in some conversation or email exchange, they built this story that it's gonna be turned down, that the answer is gonna be no. Whether it's something as simple as, you know, we have an exclusive catering list, but like they really want something that is, I got a client that was like non-dairy, gluten-free, vegan, like, and none of our caterers could really handle that caliber of,

that tasted good, should say, that caliber of food, right? And they just had it in their head that they couldn't ask and that they weren't being, that that's what they really wanted. And so they were kind of like beating around the bush and going to all these tastings and saying, well, this isn't good enough, this isn't good enough. And like, well, did you have somebody in mind? Like, do you know who you want? And they're like, oh yes, we really wanted to book so-and-so, but it wasn't on your list. I was like, why didn't you just tell me that that's what you were trying to do? Like, it could have saved you and all my vendor friends so much time and money and effort.

Hahaha!

Yeah.

by

having this conversation. it's just like, you know, I think, and I think that's human nature. We just were afraid, we're afraid of the no, and we're afraid again of inconveniencing somebody. And it came from a good place. It wasn't coming from a bad place. Like they were like the sweetest couple. It's like they were too kind in some, in some regards, but yeah. So things like that, like, and exactly to your point, like they'll, you'll have a conversation with them at the tour and like, we don't do, we don't allow fireworks or something. And they're like,

yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, okay. But then in their mind, they're like, I can convince them later. Like I could just do it later. You know, like their intention is to break a rule as opposed to saying, okay, we know you really want fireworks. Like what's some other options we have? And the truth is you can have fireworks, but you're going to pay for a firework person to come in and do it. And it's going to be tens of thousands of dollars, but that's fine. Like if you want to pay that bill or whatever. So I think it's just creating that narrative in their mind that they are afraid

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

be honest with what they really feel and what they really want because for whatever reason is what causes that kind of friction.

Yeah. All right. So go ahead, August.

And I, I was just going to

say, like, I feel like at the end of the day, like, and this kind of goes for any vendor is like, like, you don't want to say no, right? Like, let's work together to come to some kind of solution where we're both happy. Like, we're not living just to say no, like, we genuinely want to help you create the vision you want. So yeah, it's, so fine to ask those questions and try to find a solution.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, like I had a client one time that was like, I, we have all these like different, ⁓ like ceremony sites and this was like early on, like year two or three. And she was just like kind of hemming and hawing. And I was like, okay, well, do you want somewhere else? She's like, well, I kind of have this idea. And I was like, what's the idea? And she's like, I don't know if you're gonna like it. I was like, I might love it. Like, what's the idea? And she's like, I really want to get married at the front of the house. And I was like, I love it. And she's like, really? And I said, yeah, let's make it happen. You know, for sure. But she was just, she just thought like in her mind that like,

I'm

there's no way that this is going to be allowed because it's the front of the house and it's not this designated. It's like, no, like to your point, like I want to make this happen exactly what to happen. And sometimes I need someone with a different idea to make it like, you know, something amazing. And it's my favorite pictures of the venue of all time is that ceremony in front of the house because it was just so beautiful and it so perfect.

Aww.

wow.

All right, so let's talk communication and being honest and all that good stuff. So what information should couples and or their planners share early and often with their venue?

Yeah.

I think ultimately what their overall goal is. like, think there is, and to be honest about what your goal is. So some clients, their goal is to have the most beautiful, well-designed wedding, right? So when a client comes to me and it says, I want an Instagram perfect wedding, cool. Love that for you. Let's talk about access time because if you're bringing in, if you're bringing in all of this stuff,

Hehehehehe

Mm-hmm.

and you need all these things to be perfect, then we might need to add some time. And I want that to happen, not because I'm trying to make money, but because I want to reach that goal that you have. Like your goal is this, and this is how I can help you get to that goal. So it's, what is your ultimate goal? Maybe for a client it is, want my guests to feel warm and welcome and nothing to have there to be no friction and it to be an easy flow. Like, okay, then let's make, we'll make sure we have plan ABC for like rain, hurricane, all that stuff so that that happens.

Mm-hmm.

So it's really just being very clear as to not only why you chose the venue, but like what you're hoping the venue can do for your wedding and not being ashamed of it. Like it's fine if you're like, I picked this because it was beautiful or I picked this because it has a great whatever the case may be and not because of what you feel like it should have been picked. know I'm saying? Like sometimes people are like, they like, again, they had this idea in their mind. So definitely the goals.

Mm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I don't want to say budget because I think it's really hard to understand your budget early. I think you can kind of give some ideas. You can give some parameters. You can give some like kind of like guidelines. But when a venue comes in and in the inquiry form says, what's your budget? It's the most useless piece of information that you could ever get because nobody knows what it is. Like they just are taking a shot in the dark. So there's no, it's not a data point that's even worth talking about. for me, I don't.

I agree.

care about that at all. Like I don't care what your budget is or whatnot. But I also really want to know like who like what kind of vendors you're looking for so I can help match you with the right vendors like at the end of the day, like not and again, that goes down to like your aesthetic, you know how you like to work all that it's not really necessarily like, I want to spend $500 on a DJ, you know, which like that's not gonna happen. But it's more just kind of what you're looking for, and how we can help that make you make that wedding the wedding perfect, you know.

Hmm.

Yeah, and I like because you were talking about access time earlier and I think a lot of couples have unrealistic, know, like how long it takes to get that photo or whatever and I'll meet with clients a lot and they're like, yeah, we really, we only have an hour and a half to make this happen. And I'm like, well, this is going to cost you a million dollars in labor just to get everybody and anybody to be there to put this thing together in an hour and a half. You know, like I'm trying to be

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yes. Right.

Ha ha ha!

Yeah.

upfront and honest. So we got to kind of work with the button or they want to hang things in the ceiling, but there's no hanging points in the ceiling to do that. So it's like, well, we can't. Yeah.

Well, yeah, and

even if you have somebody that's like, we can make the access time work, I still wanna know because what I'm going to do is I am not, my cleaner is not gonna be there at 7 a.m., right? From 7 to 10 a.m. when you're getting there at 10, the cleaner's gonna get there at midnight and I'm gonna be damn sure that it is all ready to go the minute your access time starts. just helping us be a part of the solution is so helpful that we can do everything in our power to make it work because

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

We're people, right? We are people, we employ people. My cleaner is a person. What happens if they hit traffic? What happens if they get sick? What happens? Like all of these things. And if you're playing it up to the, like so close to the chest and you know, which normally works for most people, like you can be done at 10 and it's fine and it's no big deal. But you know, you know that it needs to be perfect and on like exactly at this time, then we're going to do everything in our power to make sure that we give ourselves that buffer time. Like our person's going to get there early. They're going make sure everything's opened up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

we're gonna be able to make it a smoother process, but we can't do that if we don't know that that's what you're ultimately trying to do.

Yeah.

There's nothing worse as a vendor going into a venue and the venue has no idea what we're doing because the couple didn't share and yeah, it's really bad. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Especially for you, like, and all the infrastructure you have to put in. Yeah.

Yes, I can imagine. You're like, no, no, they, but this is the diagram. And they're like, but you can't, but you can't put that there. Yeah. So true. ⁓

Yeah.

Well, and from a venue

standpoint, too, like when I worked at the venue I was at, there'd be so many times where you're doing a wedding. And then I had one time where I think it was like two different vendors who were not communicated to me just showed up. And I'm like, this is not on the timeline. This is not in my notes. Like, there are so many steps we have to take. And yeah, it's just just communicate. That's all it is.

Mm.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think there's never too much information. And I tell them, I tell them like, say that all the time, like in our CRM, like I literally, I have a notes page and I just add to the notes. Even if it's like the dumbest thing, like they're having vanilla cake. Why does that matter? It does not matter. But like there's, it's, there's never enough, like too much information because what I can tell you is that in the back, I know that's vanilla cake. And when it gets cut in it's chocolate, I'm like, this wasn't their cake. Like, you know, like.

No.

No.

Yeah!

this wasn't what I should have had. So then

you're like punting, you're trying to figure it out, right? So like, there's just, there's never too much information. So I always say like, you can always like, it gets calculated or like categorized somewhere in some system that is going to help eventually. So say everything and all the things. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

All right. ⁓ What kind of questions should couples ask upfront with their venue to avoid surprises later on?

Yeah, I think the biggest surprises are, well, there's three to me. There's vendor restrictions. So first off asking what are the vendor restrictions and understanding that clearly. Like for a lot of places, if it's like a kind of bring your own, it's like non-all inclusive. ⁓ There's restrictions on what caterers you can use. There's restrictions on what planners you can use. So understanding that and making sure again, it hits the goals and what you thought and like what you had in mind. ⁓

Mm.

And there are sometimes, like, I know for us, like, we'll say, this is our exclusive, there are exceptions depending on the situation, don't assume that exception is going to apply to you. So ask that question. So if you're like coming into a place that has a, has vendor restrictions and you have a very specific vendor, get that vendor approved before you sign that contract and require that. Don't, don't let them convince you to sign that contract and say, well, we'll work at it later. No, I want the, I want it in my contract that this person is approved just to protect you. ⁓

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

than the venue at that point really. So understanding the vendor restrictions, understanding the fees, and this is like my own personal pet peeve. Like I really, I personally hate nickel and diming, so I'm always very clear as to how this looks, but the venues will nickel and dime you to the, like to the death. It's like that Airbnb, like you see that number and then you get through like, this was $100 a night, how am I paying $800? Does this make any sense? And that is what it feels like.

Hmm.

You

Yeah.

asking like just straight up, what are the extra fees? Is there a kitchen fee for my caterer? Is there a 12? Is there a fee for like vendors that come in? What does that look like? Do you have a service fee on your bar, on your food, on your rentals, like really understanding it? And then for people who really truly want to get a full picture, ask for a quote with all of it in. And then that way you kind of have something to refer back to if it's not coming out the way you're supposed to. So and I think that that's

Mm-hmm.

I don't want to throw venues under the bus, but there's just not a lot of transparency in that. And ⁓ I feel for clients for that because they fall in love with something and they're going against two different venues and they're comparing apples and oranges when it comes to cost because one venue is upfront with it and one venue isn't. So just being really clear and understanding what those are.

Mm-hmm.

you

And then I had a third one and I can't remember what it is off the top of my head right now. Dang it, it's gonna come to me. I'll think about it. Yeah, those are two main ones. Yeah, yeah.

It's okay.

It'll come out

We'll circle back.

when it does. And I love it. It's a good idea to get that out the door price because like you said, it's nothing worse than when you go to book something and then you're getting the, I'm getting it for whatever price and now all of a sudden it's double or triple what you thought it was going to be. And it just puts a sour note in your face or in your mouth.

Yeah

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

Those

are the worst. They're the worst when they go venue poor at the end of the day and then they can't get what they really want. I just, your heart breaks for them because they made so many and they just didn't realize they're making that sacrifice at the time because they just didn't fully understand like what it was going to like encompass what it was going to include really. Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

All right. So how can couples work with their planner or vendor team to avoid putting the venue in a tough spot?

Yeah, that's a great question. Well, this is like a two-part answer. One, I feel like if you have really good vendors, you'll never put a venue in a tough spot because I think that we work so well together and we mitigate so many problems on the back end before the clients even involved. So hiring professionals is for sure the biggest thing. But...

You

Yeah, yeah.

Honestly, it's really being able to do whatever you need to do to make a decision that is best for you and your guests, not what is best for the dollar. ⁓ what I'm saying there is living in North Carolina, we have hurricanes, right? ⁓ We had a freak's snow two weeks ago and had a client that moved their wedding, whatever. And ⁓ so when you have the things that kind of protect your investment, and I'm talking about,

Yeah.

Mm.

event insurance at this point and sound like an ad for event insurance. But what clients understand is that when you have cancellation insurance, it doesn't mean just because your wedding gets canceled. It means that let's say there is a hurricane and you paid $10,000 for flowers, but your floors can't get there because of whatever reason that cancellation insurance will give you your money back on the flowers. Or if you had to do a rush order, they'll pay you for that rush order, right?

You

It covers the financial burden that decision you have to make. So now you're making a decision. OK, not because, oh my God, I just spent $10,000 on flowers. I need to force this vendor to show up or I'm going to be angry and sue them or whatever. Now you're making a decision. OK, it's not safe for this florist to get here. I can run to this place. I can hire this person. And even though it's going to cost me an extra $4,000, it's fine. I have insurance. They're going to cover it. And I'm going to get my money back for this. Then you're making a logical decision that's best for you, that's best for your guests, that's best for your vendors. And so.

Mm-hmm.

whatever you need to do to like create that kind of, that decision making like a boundary line, I guess I should say, ⁓ is really helpful. I'm not saying that it isn't gonna be sad. you're obviously, if you don't have the flowers, you pay those money for in the vision. Like that's upsetting. Like a wedding is a once in a lifetime thing. You can't repeat it. But when you're stuck with a situation that you have no control over and it is because of

Mm.

you know, whatever the case may be that there's a part of you that allows you to make a decision that, you know, really protects all and everybody's interest. So I think it's a hard one because it's emotional, like, because it's their wedding, you know, and they want it to be exactly the way they it to be. by allowing yourself to give yourself that space, I think is really helpful.

Yeah, and I think, like you said, choosing the right vendors too, because if they're experienced and also if they've worked with the venue a lot, like they're already going to have a lot of that knowledge in the back of their mind too. But we also we preach insurance over here too. It's like you got to have it.

Yeah.

Yeah, and it's not super expensive. And I think that for a long time, ⁓ venues like, just get liability liability. I don't need your liability insurance. To be honest with you, I pay enough in liability insurance. I will more than likely be fine. Like, I don't need that. That's not what I'm worried about. What I'm worried about is your investment. What I'm worried about is us being able to make good decisions when something happens. Like, that's what I'm worried about when I'm talking about insurance.

You

Yeah

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

So I think there's just been this big like kind of misconception around it that it's just to like protect your own personal assets if someone was to get hurt or you know, whatever. those, mean, knock on wood, those things are like very rarely happen. What you're seeing more of is things not happening how they were supposed to happen because of a rose shortage or a crazy heat wave or things that were just so out of everybody's control. And that's where you get all these like kind of, you know,

Yeah.

Yeah.

angry decisions that are being made. Yeah.

Yeah, just

external factors you can't control. Yeah. Well, okay. So I'm kind of hoping here maybe you have a story for us. ⁓ yeah, but with the blah, blah, blah. Well, without naming without like naming names, you don't have to go into that. But like, has there ever been a moment ⁓ in your past you think couples could learn from where

Yeah. Yeah.

Mm, okay.

Bum bum bum bum.

about what? I have lots of them.

things did not go as planned with the venue, just like a lesson they can take with them. And if you need a minute to like marinate, that's okay.

question. Yeah.

Yeah, mean, that's a tough one. think there's a couple of things for sure. I think I'll tell one story of where the right vendors really saved the day. And this was a client that was a great client, and her ⁓ fiance, or I husband now. Great client, super easy to work with, but they really

Mm.

had a really great vendor team. They're a bunch of professionals. people we worked with. I wouldn't say they worked with them all the time at the Bradford, but they were people that we knew well in the industry. And there was like this like crazy, it was 2017, I think it was. And so we had this, it was a hurricane season and we had made the decision we were going to put the tent up because that like the day before they said, look, the hurricane is

Mm-hmm.

it's turning, it's not coming into the Raleigh area. And the biggest gust you're going to see is like 50 mile per hour winds. So like obviously a tent can withstand that. That's what made sense, you know, you know, so on and so forth. And ⁓ we wake up that next morning, the tent is up and it is not the case and the hurricane has shifted. And it was such dangerous winds that we couldn't even take the tent down like, cause the tent it would like basically fly out.

no.

Ugh.

me and the vendors, we all get together and we just make this plan. like, how are we going to keep these people safe? Because they decided to keep their, to maintain their wedding because everyone was from out of town. Everyone was on a charter bus. Like they're like, we can get them here. One, how are we going to fit all these people? Because the tent was supposed to hold them, right? We didn't have, we didn't know how we were going to fit them all in the different spaces. How are we going to fit these people in here?

how are gonna flip these spaces? And then how are gonna prevent this tent from busting out a window at the end of the day? How are we gonna prevent it from flooding? Like all of these things, so scary. And we just came together as this vendor team and absolutely made it happen. with ⁓ the planner, I sat down with the planner and said, okay, here's what we're gonna do. These are all the things we're putting in place. Here's where I need like just kind of like a ⁓ quote unquote approval that the client is fine with it.

Yeah.

⁓

scary yeah yeah yeah

The client was like, yes, like, you know, I want to get married today. This is what I want to happen. I knew that there was going to be some changes based on deciding this factor. And she was just like, so go with the flow, like just such a, just like such a chill client. But ultimately the day it took longer because we had like the ceremony that we had to flip the space. Then we had dinner that made the flip the space. So everything just took significantly longer. So by the time we got to dancing, they really only had like 45 minutes.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

And

she came up to me and she's been like this gem of a human, like up until now, right? And she is still gem of a human, I should say. Like she's just been fine, right? And she comes up and you could tell she's just like so anxious. And she's like, Dana, I just, I really, can we just extend this an hour and a half? Like I just, when I pictured my wedding, just wanted to dance. And I said, let me see what I can do. So I go to all the vendors and I'm like, the DJ, can you stay? Like the photographer, can you stay?

No.

you

Yeah.

Hmm.

catering, you stay and they're like, yes, and we can stay and they're like, you know, there's a labor cost and I went to the dad and I was like, okay, here's a total number it's going to cost in order for us all to stay. And he's like, yes, do it. Here's a check. Fine. Whatever. But like, and we all stayed and partied and I think we ended up taking like tequila shots at the end of the night together because she was like, you guys are amazing, whatever, you know, but I felt like she stood up for what she wanted. Right. She wasn't just gonna let it even though she was a like, like super chill, super go with the flow.

Hmm.

Hahaha!

Mm-hmm.

She still was like, no, this is what I really want. And she approached it in a way that was like, not like where I felt like, this was super important to her. She made it very clear it was important that she really wanted to dance. And then she was also kind of like, I understand that this is a long shot based on the contract, based on all these things, but if you can make this happen, like this would be amazing, right? And I think it was a combination of her respecting us enough to say it in that way, but also the fact that

she hired such amazing professionals that every single one of us was like 100%. Like, let's make it happen. Like this has been, we understand how stressful this has been for everybody. But, it was, and it worked out great. We had a great time. I think I hired like four high school boys and their whole job was to just ratchet down tent straps every 30 minutes. They'd go out in the hurricane and they would like ratchet the tent straps back down. They had a blast. they loved it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, ⁓

Hmm.

Wow.

You

And I'm sure they loved it. Yeah, I'm going to say that. That sounds like a blast.

having a great time.

So yeah, think weddings are an investment for sure. And I'm not saying every single professional vendor is the top of the line. You have to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for it. It's really just finding someone that understands, clicks with you. And then that really does have the experience to be able to make decisions for you in that way that are gonna like, you

Mm-hmm.

that are going to work, you know, instead of just being like, I don't know, I've never, this is my third wedding. I have no idea what I'm doing. You know, that's, that would have been disastrous in that situation. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Well,

even, you made me think about a wedding that I did where the mom and the bride both overheated during pre, the photos, like before the ceremony even happened and they had, I mean, two ambulances and all kinds of good stuff were at the venue. But, ⁓ you know, so obviously things got pushed back and things were delayed, but like I was working with.

established efficient, established musicians and none of them were willing to stay, none of them were willing to like make it happen and it was very like so then we had to go in pivot mode and make you know like us vendors that were all there to you know for the good of the client you know yeah and it's crazy because that those two vendors will never work at that venue again you know after that so

Mm.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I think that there's something to be said about a preferred vendor list. They're not always 100 % accurate, but there is a reason why they are on that list. Like it's not just, you know, I threw someone on there. It's like, no, these people have like, you know, fought this battle with me, whatever good, bad situations, but like there's, yeah. there's, and I always say the best vendor relationships are forged out of the hardest weddings because

They're loyal.

You get to the end of the night, you're like, oh my God, we made it, we did it. And then you're forever bonded for the rest of your life. You see each other at networking, and you're like, oh my God, do you remember this wedding? It's a trauma bond. It is so true. It is so true.

The trauma bond, yeah.

Yeah, it's funny.

It's the same thing with that wedding that you were just talking about. still I mean, that wedding was two years ago and we still will see each other. We're like, my God, you do you remember what happened that day? anyway. Yeah. So all right. So how can couples show like appreciation or kindness that really like resonates with the venues and the staff?

Yeah. Yep.

Yes, for the rest of your life, you'll remember what happened that day. Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm,

mm, it's a good one.

I know that like the expectation is to say tip your venue staff, but that's not actually true. ⁓ I think for me, the biggest thing is ⁓ one, it's understanding. Like I think everyone in the industry loves words of affirmation. They love note cards. They love the hug at the end of the night. ⁓ I've always said feedback is a gift. So even like tell me what we did really well. And not that I love negative feedback, but I also want to make sure that like we've hit your expectations. So

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

it's letting me know that you delivered on what you promised. My favorite feedback is you over-delivered, essentially. I expected this and you and your staff went beyond that. That to me is the best thing you could ever say to me. But I think a lot of times in ⁓ the industry, it's a very thankless job, ⁓ especially the venue because...

you really are the wallflower at the end of the day. Like you're there and you do the tours and you help, you know, guide some things, you know, here or there. But if you're not the planner, you're just kind of in the background, you know, making sure the lights work, the toilets and overflow, all that stuff. But like, I think just recognizing that, you know, that they played a part in making the wedding a success is so great. ⁓ I love it when clients reach out to me as a boss and like,

You

compliment my staff because then that's my job to reward them financially. Like that's my job, like as a boss. And so then I know, okay, you we're gonna, I'm gonna do something nice when they're gonna get a bonus, they're gonna get a gift, whatever the case may be because of that feedback. But so I think not being afraid to just shout out ⁓ really great service, not being afraid to say there isn't great service, but yeah, just saying thank you. I know that sounds so crazy, but just a simple thank you card.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

No, I don't think so.

notes, email, review, any of that is just means a ton. We have it, we call our win library. Like with my current staff, my two new venues, we started, we started a win library. And so anytime we're just feeling overwhelmed, which is overwhelming starting two new businesses and like, let's take out a win. Here's a win. This person said that this is the best tour they've ever been on. Like let's celebrate that today. You know? Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I feel like for me, it's always like hugs. I don't know why. They always meant so much to me. They're just so excited at the end of the night. The words of affirmation for sure. I also really liked it when couples would send out their thank you cards to all their guests and we would get one too. That also means a lot. But yeah, reviews I think are huge. Being shouted out by name, just fills your heart with so much warmth. And I feel like

Yes, so.

⁓ yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yep.

Mm-hmm.

To me, personally, I feel like that's worth more than any tip. Because you put so much hours and time and effort, blood, sweat, tears into the day that just knowing that you were seen and you were recognized just means the world.

Yeah.

Yeah, and I, like I said, personally, I feel like it is my job to financially like reward my team. Like that is my job because ultimately if they do an incredible job, I'm going to get another business. It's, it's like this cycle of, of all of it. But my favorite gift of all time was I gave a tour and I had only toured the client. I wasn't even like their person that like helped plan the event, but I walked in at the day after there was like the Monday after their wedding and they had gotten me, ⁓

Mm-hmm.

Totally.

a bag of Reese's Pieces was on my desk with a thank you note because I had just mentioned in passing in the tour that it was like my favorite candy. it's just like, but all the staff, all of them had a very similar experience with that client. Like the person who, like the client care person who was their person throughout the entire thing.

how funny.

that person had gotten them their favorite scent from like anthropology candle or whatever, because they had just used like, we were just talking one day about it and I mentioned so how much I Capri and that was like my present. Like that is so thoughtful that it makes you feel like not just like, I know how sometimes clients can just feel like a number, they can feel like a dollar, but for us, like a lot of us, we just feel like just a, like nothing, like, know, and it's just.

wow.

Mm-hmm.

feeling seen in that way that someone remembered a conversation or remembered how much you loved it, took the time to go get it, to write that note. It's like, I don't know. It was just like, and what was that bag of Reese's Pieces? Like two bucks. Like, yeah.

I was going to say it's such a

small little amount to give, it was the thought that went behind it and that they remembered and that, know, yeah, yes.

Yep.

It's very the unreasonable hospitality vibes. Yeah, it's exactly

Yes, very vibes.

that, yeah.

yes. Yeah. But so I think anything like that, that you could just, you know, just make them feel seen and heard because ultimately, and I feel this about, I can say this about my staff, is they love their job. Like they love what they do. Like, and they're there because they love what they do. And so having somebody like affirm that they're in the right place and that they're valued and that they're doing a great job is so meaningful to them more than anything else.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I agree.

Okay, there's our awkwardness, Emily. We always hit it at some point where me and Kevin are looking at each other. Now it is, it is. He's more seasoned than I am. I just sometimes get so wrapped up with the conversation. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, oh wait, I'm hosting. Okay, so I think we're starting to wrap up here.

No

Yep, Emily.

And it's always August and it's always August. I'm going to say.

It's fair, Yeah, three people are hard, and I'm not gonna lie.

If something goes wrong, what's the best way for couples to gracefully advocate for themselves versus getting in an offensive mode?

Mm.

Mm.

that's a tough one. ⁓ So it kind of depends on the situation. If it's something that I can fix right away, tell me right away. Like if it is something that I can fix in that moment, do not wait until a week later to tell me the AC didn't, they couldn't figure out turn the AC on. I could have fixed that for you. Like that's so frustrating. So if I can fix it right away, let me at least attempt to fix it. Tell me what's wrong, let me, whatever. If it's something that I cannot fix right away, like I don't know.

Mm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

hurricane.

I don't know. Yeah, like, you know, I don't know. I can't think something on top of my head, but if it's something

that like I cannot physically fix at that problem, like something's wrong with like, ⁓ like the septic or something, like some crazy catastrophe happens. I obviously, I can't get out. I'll probably call some of it, but I can't do anything to fix it. Then that's a conversation. Like I, we're going to talk about this, you know, next week, you know, Wednesday, Thursday, we're all going to like take a moment, calm down, whatever.

Mm-hmm.

do whatever needs to happen and we'll have a conversation about it. ⁓ So I think that if it's in the moment, like on the day, it's those two things. I think that there is this, ⁓ what happens a lot with weddings is like the clients don't actually realize something's going wrong and like either the parents realize something or guests realize something and then like three days later when they're talking to someone about it, like, my God, did you hear so and so, so and so, and then they're like bringing it to you or just like.

I could have changed that. If there was no toilet paper, I could have easily fixed that. You know, whatever, something minor. ⁓ If it's during the planning process, I think it's like, don't be afraid. Don't let it fester. Let's just have the conversation. think I'm a huge advocate of send an email with how you feel and then ask for an immediate phone follow-up. Let the information, whatever you are saying, get to where it needs to go. Let the emotional...

Mm-hmm.

let whoever's receiving it get the emotional outburst out of the way. It's so much easier for me. And I'm not gonna lie to you, owning a venue is emotional. is like everything you own, your blood, sweat, and your tears is in it. So sometimes when you get this email from somebody, you're like, what in the world? And you just have this emotional spiral about it and you wanna say all the things and you wanna rage against all of it. But then you have this moment where you calm down.

Yeah.

Hehehehehe

Mm-hmm

and you reread the email and you're like, okay, there's a nugget of truth in here and you can like get through the other side of it and then you can have a really productive conversation. So I think if it's something that's heavy and that's hard, I always say, write it out first. Like even though sometimes the tone can get misconstrued, all of that, even though like still let them know what they are dealing with before you get them on the phone because you're gonna get further faster because they're already gonna be processing through, okay, is this a refund situation? Is this,

I need to like give this really nice family a bottle of wine. Like how am going to solve this problem? You know, and so you're, they're coming to you with a solution to it as opposed to then trying to justify and be defensive. Well, you didn't see this and you didn't do that because it gets it on both ends, you know? But yeah, and I always say to whoever is the least emotional about it is the one that should be having the conversation. Like truly.

you

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Whoever

can talk about it and a factual ABC happens is the person that needs to be having the conversation. ⁓ It's not the person that's emotional about it. Even though it could be a hard and emotional thing, ⁓ it's easier to get to the bottom of something when it's just facts.

Yeah, I get it, because there's some events that I worked last year that I'm still emotional about. Yeah, and anytime I think about them, I'm always like, argh, you know, like it's just, and I'm the last person that should be talking to them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, I think from both sides, it's hard not to feel emotional sometimes. But I think, like you said earlier, Dana, at the end of the day, it's real people on both ends, right? So it's just having the right kind of conversation with people because, yeah, it's hard not to get your feelings hurt sometimes.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It

is. I think like, and I say this that, and I can only speak from my own experience, like for the most part, 99 % of the time, I'm going to do whatever it's going to take to retain your business. So whether that's me swallowing my pride, whether that's me apologizing, whether it's me refunding something, I'm going to do it because at the end of the day, like I believe in a healthy and

Yeah.

like fair business. And so there are things I look at and like, you know what, you actually didn't get a great service here. Like I can see how we failed. I can see how we failed you. And so here's what I want to do is I want to refund your service fee and I want to give you this, whatever. Like I think the assumption for a lot of people, and I don't think it's a wrong assumption because I think we were trained this way. And I think they probably had a previous experience which made them have this assumption that no matter what they say,

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Like the venue is going to push back or the venue is just going to be like, well, like sucks to be you, or they're not going to make it right. Or they're just concerned about the dollar and the bottom line. And yes, I care about the bottom line, not because I'm trying to like, lie in my pockets, because I have, you know, seven employees that depend on me and their livelihoods, right? But I also like care a lot about

Mm-hmm.

my reputation and I care a lot about doing the right thing. And so I think approaching it is what, again, this is like another ⁓ unreasonable hospitality, approaching it with charitable assumption. Like, let's all assume here that we want the right thing. Let's all assume here that we're not trying to cheat one another, that we all are putting our best foot forward, that we are doing the best that we can. Let's all make that assumption before this conversation happens. And then typically,

Mm-hmm

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yes.

you can have a really healthy solution.

I love it. All right, we're gonna wrap up with this last question here, but I think I know the answer going into it, but how can couples continue to keep that strong relationship all the way through the wedding day? From booking all the way to the end.

Okay. ⁓ okay.

Yeah, think we've definitely talked about it. Communication is big for sure. Just, yeah, just communication. Like don't ghost them after you book. Like, and to be fair, a good venue should be instigating the conversations or replying to it, whatnot. yeah, I mean, again, it's just...

I win. I was like it's gotta be communicator

Yeah.

Like let us know where you're at. Like even if you get into it and you're like, okay, I bought, I got this from you and I loved it and I couldn't say no to it, but like I really maybe shouldn't, I overspent. Like what can you do? Like, like let us know, like let us help you out. Like let's talk about things that we can do on our end to help alleviate that a little bit. Let's not, I don't want to give you a crazy bar quote that like is going to like give you heart palpitations. Like let's talk about it and let's see what we can do. Like I think ultimately everyone wants everyone to be happy at the end of the day. So.

Mm-hmm.

You know, just let us know where you're at. Like keep, keep talking to us. Don't just disappear into the ether. You know, it's not helpful. Yeah. Yes.

and communicate, communicate, communicate with

your venue as well as your vendor team. I think the more you communicate, the better through the process.

Yeah, yes, yes. Yeah,

Yeah, you're not gonna regret

I agree.

anything at the end of the day by communicating.

No, it is so true. But it's the truth for every relationship you walk into, so it's a good rule of thumb. Yeah.

Yeah, so much. I

Yeah. Yeah.

agree. All

Yeah.

right, Data, how can our listeners get in contact with you and learn a little bit more about you?

Yeah, so me personally, I'm on all the socials. My handle is at Hustle and Gather. If you want to check out the venue, there is at the Bradford NC. My two new venues are McAlister-Lefwich and the Graham Mill in the Triad area. So you guys heard it here first. I haven't actually said the names out loud on anything. I know. I know. So yeah.

Wow!

Oh, I love that. All right. We are

going to, we are going to, well, and if it's okay to share, we'll put all that information in the show notes and the email and the blog and all the things that go out. So therefore you can get in contact with Dana. So Dana, you're always such a wealth of knowledge and thank you for being here and sharing everything with all our folks here. So thank you so much.

Yeah, we'll film. Yep.

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah, thanks for having me. It's been a blast.

All right, folks. We'll see you next time on another episode of Now That I'm Engaged, How Do I Get Married? Bye, guys.

Bye.