In this episode, I reflect on how we can lose touch with ourselves during hard seasons and how we gently find our way back through memory, connection, and compassion.
BTW - If you didn't already know, I'm Sarah - Drink Less; Live Better founder, best-selling author, expert speaker, life coach and, as you already know, podcast host!
We don't have to hit rock bottom, we're allowed to want something different and we can CHOOSE to improve our lives from this point onwards.
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Transcripts
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Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less, Live Better podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I'm really glad you're here with me. Have you ever needed reminding of who you are? I have. I've been able to remind myself sometimes, but the nicest thing is somebody else reminding you.
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Last year was hard, really hard for me. There were good moments, fun moments, and love, but it was all overshadowed by a very sad death in the autumn. At one point, towards the end of the summer, when I had told a group of friends about all the things that were going wrong and were out of my control and were huge and awful and unmeasurably sad, one of my friends said to me, "Oh my god, I can't breathe properly while you're telling me all this," and yeah, I couldn't catch a breath either.
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Obviously, all that was happening and all that I was feeling was much better placed in the ear of my therapist, and oh my god, was it ever placed in the ear of my therapist, but I realized then I was losing myself in it all. A few weeks later, that friend did the loveliest thing. She sent me a card, something pretty and sunny on the outside, and a photograph of me laughing my head off on the inside. It said, "Just to remind you who you are." So simple, so heartfelt, so, so needed in that moment.
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Yes, I wasn't that laughing, joyful person right then, but I would be her again, or at least a version of her in the future. And I am. Time passes. The way you feel about things changes. And so, because all things always go full circle, I found myself on the receiving end of a "thank you for reminding me who I am" conversation a couple of weeks ago.
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I was out for the afternoon with a friend who is a brilliant writer, and I was getting on at her, nagging her, for submitting her book to an agent who had actually asked to see it. This is a golden opportunity, and for several reasons, she hadn't got her head around to submitting it. At one point in the conversation, she said something about achieving her dream to be a writer, and I stopped her talking. "I am not afraid to admit to you," I interrupted her. "Uh, no," I said, "that is absolute rubbish. Your dream is to be a published author." "Oh." "Oh," she said, "yes. Yes, it is. I already am a writer." And as we were leaving the restaurant, she said to me, "I really appreciate you. Thank you for reminding me who I am and what I want."
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Gradually, almost without noticing, it's so easy to lose sight of ourselves. The connection to inside gets a little bit quieter. The parts of us that once felt familiar become harder to hear beneath all of the noise. It's something that happens during difficult seasons. Grief changes us. Stress narrows our focus. We start describing ourselves by our struggles rather than our strengths.
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And I suppose what I want to say to you today is who we are doesn't disappear completely, and who we are becoming next will just take time to show up. None of us can go backwards, and I'm pretty sure most of us wouldn't really want to, but every chapter in our life leaves its mark. We learn, we either soften or harden, we become wiser in places we never expected.
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Sometimes a conversation can do it. Sometimes a favorite place can do it, or maybe reading old journal entries can remind us of a place we used to be. And so often, other people hold up mirrors to us we didn't even realize they were carrying. Some mirrors reflect back our strength. Our friends remind us how determined we can be when we've forgotten. Maybe someone points out your kindness after you've spent weeks criticizing yourself. They notice your courage because they're standing outside your thoughts. They can see you with an entirely different perspective. And those reminders that people give us, they are gifts.
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There are negative mirrors too. Perhaps you've spent time with people who've repeatedly told you who you weren't. Too sensitive, too much, too quiet, too ambitious, too emotional, too difficult. And when we hear those messages, often enough, they can begin to sound like our own voice in our head. And it takes time to notice the difference. And that's a reason why choosing who we spend time with matters so much.
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Can you ask yourself, "What kind of a person do I want to be in this situation, in this difficult season, and who might I want to be next?" And of course, there will always be seasons where you do genuinely feel lost. You know what? That's part of being human. We don't have to rush ourselves out of every uncertain chapter, and sometimes life asks us to sit with questions before answers appear. And sometimes the fog lifts gradually rather than in a big whoosh.
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There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that you are feeling lost. And the important part is trusting that you won't stay disconnected forever, and hoping that you have people around you who can point out your strengths, and if you don't, that you can see them for yourself at some point.
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If one of your closest friends came to you and admitted that they felt as though they'd lost a bit of themselves, I doubt you'd tell them to pull themselves together and get on with it. You'd probably listen. You'd remind them of things they've forgotten. You'd tell them stories about times that they were brave or funny or generous, and you would hold hope for them until they could carry themselves again once more. You would hold hope for them until they could carry it themselves once more.
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It's worth wondering whether you deserve that same kindness from yourself. Many of us are wonderfully compassionate towards everyone else whilst becoming remarkably unforgiving in our own heads. Remember, the person you've already become survived so much before.
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Thank you for being here with me today. You can find me online at drinklesslivebetter.com, where you'll find lots of supportive resources. You can check out today's podcast show notes for a link to a hidden episode that will help with your 5 p.m. cravings and details about my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programs. And P.S. I believe in you.
