Maintaining mental health is easier when you have an actionable plan and a toolbox of resources. In Episode 5, Part 2 of 2 of Finding Your Balance: A Mental Health Podcast presented by Peace River Center and Southeastern University, Kirk and Tiffani share helpful tips to guide you through minding the basics for optimal mental wellness. 

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Thank you for joining us today for part two of our two-part series on Minding the

Basics.

You know, in the trauma work that I've done with folks we do here in Florida, we

encounter a lot of hurricanes as the Gulf Coast and the Eastern Seaboard will

experience. But one of the things we talk about or I talk about when preparing for

hurricanes is the fact that the act of preparing, the act of planning can help

alleviate a lot of anxiety and worry about this thing we can't control, the

hurricane. And it's not only good for adults, but also good for children,

the young people in our lives. They even have less control and maybe experiencing

some feelings they don't even understand. But here's a way to gain some control over

an uncontrollable situation and that is preparing and having your own little kit and

things like that. So having a routine for your money,

for your food, and getting out there and exercising on a regular basis can be very

helpful. But then there's also the sleep. Oh, that's the hardest one. That's the

hardest one to all, right, because I'm a go, go, go kind of person, and sleep can

be telling on a number of levels if you're in its based on your pattern,

okay. So if you've got something you're worried about, and if you're going through

college, you're a student, there's anxiety there for tests, and the assignments you've

got to get completed, So there's that worry and as an adult you got work kind of

obligations You've got you know other relationship kind of obligations and things like

that sleep is a really good indicator of Where that anxiety is because if you're

overly worried about something you don't sleep very well First for a lot of people.

There's the opposite of those folks that are trying to avoid certain things. They

will want to sleep more So take a look at your sleep pattern. Do you have a

regular sleep routine? I love my wife dearly. She is a wonderful sleep routine,

and she also has a routine for waking up. I'm not a routine kind of guy when it

comes to that, so I admire her for her fortitude with her plan,

her routine that she maintains, And she gets herself ready for sleep, and her body

knows that, "Okay, we're coming into sleep mode, and things kind of wind down." I'm

hit or miss.

If I'm being honest, I'm hit or miss. I mean, there are days where I'm go, go,

go, go, go, and then all of a sudden I'll crash, and now I go. And then there

are other times that I'm just, the mind is taking its time winding down and one of

the things that you'll hear a lot from sleep experts is especially nowadays the

world of technology that we live in that lovely little screen time got to be

careful with that and be mindful of that if your your parents of children that you

know get into the screen time you you should really monitor how much screen time

they have, 'cause that does disrupt one's sleep routine. And many devices now have a

parental control on the amount of time your little ones will watch.

And it doesn't even have to be for the little ones, hello, we can set it for

ourselves and set up a reminder, okay, I need to slow this down now or I need to

stop at a particular time so that the mind can really start to process and shut

off and prepare itself for bedtime, for sleep. Well, I think that's why it's so

important. We've talked in other episodes about vicarious trauma and as clinicians or

even just as people having that margin in your day to process out your day because

if we go, go, go, go, go, and there's no margin by the time we go to bed.

Well, that's when you've stopped for the first time all day and that's when it all

hits you. And what we don't want, you know, as people for that to be our

decompression time because that will eat into your sleep, right? Because then it's,

well, I could have done this. I should have said that. What if I had done this?

Would this have been different? And now you're wrestling all of those scenarios alone

because everyone else is - Right. - But also, what are you gonna do? Like,

however, you know, you're stuck now and you can't turn off your brain. And so, one

of the things that I've really had to focus on, and we've talked about this before,

is being intentional about carving out time in your day, you know,

having that garbage can of trauma, like you've mentioned, and dumping it out before

you go home, because whatever you have, you know, on your is going to go home with

you if you don't set it down, and what we don't want, if you're so go, go, go,

if the first time you stop is at night, well, that's absolutely going to impact the

quality of your sleep. Right. So I can hear a lot of people out there going,

"Well, you know, I got schoolwork, I got tests coming up, and I got to study," and

yep, you're correct, you do. If you plan out some time to say,

"I I'm going to study for X number of hours in your time.

Plan it, plan it. Being a little bit more mindful of what you're doing can help

alleviate a lot of stress and anxiety. And, you know, one of the things I love to

do is read. So, and I read a lot, but it doesn't take a a lot of time. I had

watched a YouTube video of this gentleman who calculated out,

"Look, we have breaking down your day into half -hour increments and taking a look

at your time." If you only read for a half -hour a day, you would be surprised at

how many books you could And what he did is he's calculated for this person, "Okay,

this is your reading rate. And if you read for a half hour every day, you could,

and this person could get through war and peace. They could get through Anna Karenina.

So in the Count of Monte Cristo and for you in the literature world,

you know how daunting some of those books are because they're very long.

But and And he has like three other books that people could get through just by

reading for a half hour every day. And it's like, wow. And then of course you've

got all that experience and knowledge that you get out of the reading. So when you

look at that and think about your time management and look at things in half hour

increments and look at your studies and what you have to read and do, if you did

it in those small chunks that aren't as overwhelming as daunting of a task and

break it down simply, you actually get a lot more in and it was kind of amazing

because what this person figured out in their reading style was that well,

they would only get about 50 books or so and the rest of their lifetime and they

calculated it out and it almost tripled the amount of books you could read just by

reading for a half hour a day. So I was like, wow, I know I read half hour a

day at least on various things. And Variety is also the spice of life.

So if you're the type of person that says, "I have to read this book cover to

cover and that's the only book I can read," they encourage you to kind of break it

up a little bit. Read two or three books at a time and stuff like that. So when

you're in college, you are doing that kind of practice because you are reading for

this subject and then you're reading for the next subject and for yet a third

subject as you're studying. So getting that routine again is pretty important.

Oh, and I think life is just like the art of multitasking, right? Exactly. And the

things that you're juggling are going to vary from time to time. Maybe a job, maybe

children, maybe friendships, relationships, but it's multitasking and figuring out where

am I going to put my energy, where am I going to put my priority, and how do I

shift my energy as it's needed? Because like you've said, you know, several times,

it's good to have the plan, it's good to have the structure. It's also good to

have the understanding that that plan is going to change and that doesn't mean you

fail. That means that your energy is needed over here. One of the things that we

focus and working with children and families is that we encourage parents and

caregivers to communicate a plan to their kids and say,

I start my day every morning with my kids, okay guys, let's talk about our day.

Let's talk about what we're gonna do. So what am I doing? I'm setting expectations.

I'm setting a sense of structure because kids are people and people need a sense of

safety and a sense of security, and I know that I feel better if I think I know

what's coming next. Now what comes next may change, but I feel better when I have

a sense of like, "All right, I know what's ahead of me." There's a sense of

security, a sense of safety, a sense of peace that comes from that, and it makes

you feel like, "Okay, I think I can handle what's next," and you know, kids need

that. And so what I have found is that even when the plan changes,

they are resilient to that change because there's still a sense of structure and

routine and stability with that. And what has happened just over the course of time

is that if there's no plan and no communication and in something changes,

that's when you see really big reactions because it's like, well, this has come out

of a field. Well, it's not 'cause I knew the whole time what we were gonna do,

but you didn't. And so I think having kind of that mindset with college students

and even like young adults of, the plan's gonna change, it will, because there's

factors outside of your control. But come up with some sense of framework. Every

day, you know, I set my calendar. My day has never in the history of my life gone

exactly according to my calendar, but it gives me a sense of structure. And the

other thing, which you may laugh at this, and it's okay if you do, what really

helps my brain, because some days, you know, you can feel like, oh my goodness,

there's no way I'm going to get through all of this. And the goals ahead of you

feels so daunting and so overwhelming that it's like that paralysis that sits in of

like Well, I don't even know where to start. Right. So I'm just going to not

because then I can't mess it up and I just can't right now And so that can be

really overwhelming and then if you if someone does have a sense of you know

anxiety or depression or anything that might affect, you know a fear of,

you know, accomplishing the task at hand, it can really be debilitating. And so one

of the things that I've learned to do that I need is I will make a list.

And even if I know all the things that I need to do, I'll put it in list form

so that I can cross it off. And even if it's something that I just did,

I put it on the list, and then I cross it off. I'm like, yes, one thing done.

And me having Having that visual look at what I've accomplished, but also I'm

putting it on paper and making it tangible. It's not just a million things floating

in my head, which sounds like such a simple thing, but Kirk, that like is a game

changer for me. It is. And the science bears that out because I remember studying

in organizational psychology in my undergrad years, that very thing,

creating a list and crossing that item off was such a stress reliever for

executives. This was in an organization, they had a consultant come in and they

observed all these things. Basically what the consultant said is, "Your executives

need to create a list and then cross things off." Changed the environment,

the stress level,

Yeah, yeah, a simple little list. - And you know what, so funny is that the amount

of things didn't change. - Right. - The things themselves didn't change, but my

perspective of the challenge changed. It wasn't like, oh my gosh, all of these

things that I've gotta do versus okay, here's my challenge. I'm gonna get it done

because it's on my list and I have to cross the things off on my list. And so my

perception of the situation changed and that changed everything. Yeah. And I'm going

to throw out a caution flag out on that too because some people can make a list

and they get a little obsessive about the list itself. And if they don't get to

those items, because there will be days, you don't get to something on that list. I

live in the world of crisis work, So I make a list and sometimes I get to

everything and sometimes I don't get to anything or maybe just a few so The list

is there to be that structure to be that organization of okay. What do I do next?

Well, there it is Let me do that and then crossing it off such a nice thing one

of the things that I Got into and I'm proud to share this that for years I've

been trying to really get into journaling because we use it as a tool for therapy

and I know it can be a nice way to empty that emotional trash can that I talk

about. But I always struggled myself with journaling. And here I am giving advice,

try journaling and it'll help. And that you're not doing it yourself. Well, I

struggled with it because I would start and then not really continue that momentum

with it. Well, I made a much more conscious effort a year,

a little over a year ago, to journal. And it didn't have to be anything deep and

heavy duty. Oh, I'm just reflecting on life. No, some of it is a little to -do

list. Some of it is a bit of my calendar for the day kind of thing and some of

it is reflection and thought and such for that moment in time and So I made a

conscious effort and learned a little bit of something called bullet journaling many

YouTube videos out there and

There's a process of course there's some that get really creative and it's a

creative outlet for some folks, which is great, and they have all nice little

pictures and drawings around their journal, and I'm like, "That's not going to

happen." It's time-consuming, but the really essence of doing that kind of journaling

was really what attracted me to it, so I stuck to it. Some of it was the learning

process for me as well, and being excited about that. I've seen you do it. Is that

where you write the lines in your journal? Yep. Okay. - Yeah, so it's getting a

little bit away from the tech world, which for me, it's a little more grounding,

and we'll probably talk about grounding in the future YouTube podcast.

But for me, it's a little bit of grounding for the day. It helps me focus a

little bit, and I create kind of a plan for what I hope to accomplish that day.

Again, I don't know always, but you just take those items and you move them to the

next day and you get to them. And then eventually you look at that list and say,

"Was that really a priority?" And it kind of helps you readjust some prioritization.

Well, I think that like having that grace of like, "What is my best?" And like,

"Your best is going to change depending on the day, depending on the stressors of

that day." Right? The the quality of your best is gonna be different. But having

that grace of did I do my best today or did I do what I could do today? And

that needs to be enough. And I think that so many times we'll have that grace for

other people when they come to us and they say, look, like I'm doing all that I

can do. And then my response is always, okay, you know, let's see what I can do

to help support you. Do we extend that same grace to ourselves or do we immediately

go to gosh you're failing you know of course you mess this up like you're never

gonna get this done and so I think having that positive self-talk is really needed

because you can only do so much and like you said maybe you'll get to the things

on your list maybe those things will slide over till tomorrow no problem but like

you know what we'll get done we'll get done one of the things that that I have

found for my own self-care is that what you need is gonna be different than what

someone else's needs. Kirk and I have a friend that loves to garden and she is

incredible at it, right? You know, it makes beautiful things. I'm like, "Huh, that

seems fun. That brings her a lot of joy. Perhaps I should try such things." And so

I get all these plants and I have the best intention. I need the world to know, I

really do. And then the part of my brain that says, "What are these plants?" It

does not work. And so I've even gone as far as setting a calendar reminder on my

computer and I snooze it because I get busy doing other things. And so that does

not bring me joy. Like, I love the idea of plants. I love when I'm surrounded by

plants. I love having plants in my office. It does not bring me joy to take care

of them. But what I have found that is so therapeutic, which may seem so strange,

is I love doing yard work. Right? So I don't really care about keeping them alive.

And I don't even really care about planting them. But I really enjoy

um, like, uh, like trimming or, you know, um, some things in our yard and pulling

things out. And I don't know all the words because I don't know about plants, but

it was so cathartic doing yard work and seeing something that's so overgrown,

right? And then having a very clear before and after, and I can see what I have

accomplished. And I think so much of what we do during the day, there's not this

immediate gratification of like, okay, I've seen the results of the effort that I've

put into this, because some things take time, and some things are abstract, but for

me, for my self-care, it's so helpful to do something where I see the immediate,

you know, fruits of my labor, whereas like, I feel like with planting things,

like it takes too long, you know, and I don't mind,

you know, sowing the seeds and doing the things in like regular work, but for my

self-care, like, what brings you joy? And everybody's got something different that

brings them joy, and I think it's important, and you owe it to yourself, to keep

trying things. And I know you've mentioned in in prior podcasts, You know within

reason say yes try something, you know go to a club go to a hobby club Go to you

know a sports event try that activity on campus Maybe it's the worst and maybe you

never have to go again But maybe you'll meet someone there that will become your

best friend and it will change the course of your life Because you gave it a shot

because you said yes, and I can tell you when I came to college I knew one person

and she is still a good friend but my best friend I just was randomly placed with

you know she randomly was assigned to my room and we have been in each other's

weddings you know we have been there for each other during you know raising children

and you know one of the best friends of my life And if I hadn't have said yes to

a particular opportunity, I would have missed out on that experience. And I think so

many times we have this fear that holds us back, right? And we don't say yes.

And I'm not saying say yes to everything. Something should be a definite no. But

something just, gosh, like this is your chance to figure out who are you and what

do you need to have joy. And so what a great time, you know, college, especially

early adulthood to figure out, you know, who are you? - Yeah, when I was teaching

sociology at one of the colleges, you know, that was something I would tell students

is be curious. This is your time to be curious about things and try different

things. You know, look at, I mean, college years are the opportunity to,

yes, break out on your own but it's also an exciting time for exploration and

taking a few risks that you know I'm not really sure about going around that corner

well go around that corner a little bit and and see if it works for you and fits

for you and some of the risks are gonna be silly and some of them are gonna be

alive changing I know one of the things that I realized that I loved was I loved

traveling I I went on some mission trips with my school and I had never really done,

you know, a lot of that before and it was so exciting and it was so exciting to

realize, okay, well, this is going to be the cost of the trip and it seems

overwhelming. You break it up into little things and you start working towards it

like what you've said before. I think all of the categories that we've talked about,

the underlying theme is moderation, and planning, and taking a lofty goal and

breaking it down into bite-sized steps that are doable, right, that can be achieved.

But if you look at it, big picture can seem incredibly overwhelming. - Right,

absolutely, absolutely. So, you know, and even we're talking about reducing anxiety or

reducing stress, but even the planning process It's going to be anxiety producing and

stressful because you're you're trying something new for the first time It doesn't

have to be perfect. It's your plan. It's not something you're going to necessarily

Share with everybody in the world. It's for you. It's for you and make it as

flexible and and open as possible For you and and again, you have permission to

give yourself forgiveness Because you're you're not always gonna hit everything spot

on every day, you know, there'll be days where, yeah, you hit everything and you've

got room for more or you don't have room for any of it, so. - Well, and I think

that's where those coping skills come into play of with disappointment, with

excitement, with good days and bad days. How do I regulate? How do I maintain my

balance in a world filled with chaos, right? - Right. when you can't always regulate

the reaction of the people around you and sometimes the reactions are not healthy.

But how can I regulate myself? And there's not one answer, there's a million

different answers, but I think the key is figuring out who you are, figuring out

what do you need to feel safe, what do you need to feel anchored, what do you

need to feel heard and healthy and validated, and that might change depending on

what season you're in, but being willing to ask yourself those questions, because I

know a lot of times we're worried about how can you ask questions that you don't

know to ask, and maybe you've never been in a situation where you have this many

stressors, all at once, and so being willing, like Kirk said, to give yourself

forgiveness, to be new at something and to try and to really figure out what are

my coping skills and maybe the answer is nothing. And so that's the case of saying

okay well now I've got my goal. My goal is to figure out when I'm feeling

frustrated, when I'm feeling overwhelmed, what anchors me? Is it journaling? Is it

taking a walk? Is it a lot of different things? And being intentional about

practicing those skills because the more you practice them the more they're gonna

feel second nature and sometimes you'll even think oh man my reaction wasn't so big

and that's because you are using coping skills and not even realizing that you're

using coping skills. Right exactly exactly so these are some things that you know

the minding the basics you know just keep I think the again,

the big takeaway is being mindful of it, having some sense of a plan.

It doesn't, again, it doesn't have to be perfect. A lot of it's on sticky notes. A

lot of it's on sticky notes. And like part of that minding the basics, that

mindfulness is that self-monitoring, right? We've said many times, your body, your

mind, they're all connected, physical health and mental health merge in a million

different ways. And so when you are feeling frustrated, take a minute and assess,

"Well, how's my body feeling, right? Am I feeling anxious? Am I feeling tingly? Am

I feeling tired?" And really being responsive to what you need because you're going

to know more than anyone else how something's affecting you and just being aware and

realizing that your feelings are valid and instead of pushing them down and

compressing them and ignoring them, acknowledging them, and giving yourself what you

need to feel healthy. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Well, thank you so much for joining us today on our minding all of these things.

Now, as always, if you are local to the Polk, Highlands and Hardee area at any time,

if you would like to reach out for emotional support or If you feel that you or

someone you know is in crisis, you can always reach out to the Peace River Center

Crisis Hotline. It's 863 -519 -3744. Maybe you live outside of our area.

Maybe you live somewhere within the United States and our line is not giving it for

you. You can call the National Suicide Hotline number at 988. As always,

thank you for joining us and we hope to see you next time.

We hope you enjoyed our show and if you did, please hit that like and subscribe

button that will help us out tremendously. If you or someone you know is struggling

with any issues, feel free to give us a call here in central Florida at 863 -519

-3744 or if you are listening to us in other areas, you can dial the national

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