Welcome to The Healing Happy Hour! This week, we're talking about why it's so hard to start new things. Let's get real about how it feels to struggle with vulnerability, face your fear of failure, and push through the challenges of moving from planning and prepping to the execution stage.

We'll give you our best steps for getting started going after what you want, whether it's learning something new, trying a new workout, or (ahem) starting a podcast where you're going to be vulnerable in front of the entire internet.

Discussions cover:

• corn kernels as a side
• inner child work
• finding accountability in community
• receiving feedback without having a full meltdown
• how to react when your 8 year old drops a deez nuts joke
• Rebecca Black claiming her crown
• embracing your cringe
• Jasonnnnnnn Derulo (mmm whatcha say)
• NBA legends and what the unathletic girlies can learn from them
• the nightmare that would be a world without Andre 3000
• how to do things when you feel scared
• doing things for the plot
• actionable tips to just do the damn thing
• and a whole lot more.

Links and External References:

• AI Magic To-Do List

Book List!

• Jason Derulo: Sing Your Name Out Loud

Mentioned Podcasts:

• Armchair Expert
• The Read
• Gettin' Grown
• The Friend Zone

Music by FASSounds on Pixabay

All right, I am ready, holy shit.

We're going to do it.

Welcome to the Healing Happy Hour with Crystal and Vienna, two deeply unserious people exploring serious topics while cackling and sometimes crying. Together, we're learning to push back against the trauma of being a human in the world today through ancient wisdom and practices, modern therapeutic techniques, and anything else that moves the needle towards healing. If you're also sick of tripping over your own bullshit, join us while we create a sanctuary for everyone who is ready to activate the magic in their life.

Do you want to pull a card to start off our first little episode?

Should that be our vibe?

I think so. I mean, we did it yesterday. We do it every time we talk, I feel like.

Okay, so let's officially begin here. I think that it would be kind of cool if we start this experience off with a card. I'm going to keep it light and do an Oracle card today, which like we all know, like what we say about Oracle cards,

but like this is not a thing where we want to read for filth. This is like, let's keep it breezy, you know, keep it. We're keeping it light, positive vibes. So we're just asking our guides to always bless us, give us the good word, give us the that our spirit needs to know today for the good of all, for the harm of absolutely nobody. And what is something that we need to know today as we begin our Chitter Chat, our beautiful podcast together?

A delight. I love that for us. A delight. Okay. So let's just briefly see what. She's delightful. So delight is expanding in your life. Clap your hands with glee. Spend time with others. Go to a community gathering, host a party. You enjoy the experience and will give birth to immense creativity and your life will blossom. Share your happiness and elation with others and it will grow by leaps and bounds. This isn't the time to be serious or buckle down and get to work.

Good, because we don't do that here. This is the time to be spontaneous and madcap. Do not make fast and hard commitments. Don't sign any legal documents or make any pledges right now. Don't make any promises. You might not be able to keep them. Give yourself permission to have fun. Lots of fun, especially in community with others. This is a very like on time word for the bajillion retrogrades that we've going on right now to just light and remain delightful and make it a breeze a little bit.

It's heavy enough as it is. So I love that. That's so fun. I mean, and it's true, right? Like deeply unserious, finding community, have a good time. That's what we're here for. That's what we needed. We've got enough. It's nice to have an obligation that is not like so bogged down with pressure for the outcome. And so that's what we're doing here. We are allowing ourselves to to chitter chat a little bit just as friends that have conversations that are really similar, I'm sure,

to a whole bunch of other people who are having these talks about just where they are in life.

For real. And if they're not having these talks because they don't have anybody to talk to, I feel like bring it in here. That's what this is for. Because everybody does need to be having these conversations. And I think a big problem is that too many people are not having these conversations and don't have anybody to talk to. So they're holding it all inside. They're trying to get their like TikTok healing on. And that's not enough, right? Like you have to do that in community with other people.

It's as a person who really likes to tackle things alone. And that's like part of my mission right now is to not tackle things alone. I can definitely say that it's the vulnerability aspect of it. The fear of looking dumb, the fear of acknowledging out loud some of the like, like the ick that you have about yourself and showing that to other people. But the thing is, like, we all have it. So it's just, it is wild how we don't talk about it a little bit more. And by it,

like all the things, all the transitions, all the changes for where you're at in your life. And like the last few years have been kind of wild. So that's, I mean, they've been, they've been out of fucking control. And I feel like we're always bracing and it's really hard to relax and be vulnerable when you're in that position of like, what's next?

Yeah, it's all just tension. We're holding so stiff. We're waiting for that other shoe to drop. Waiting for everything to fall apart because we're seeing that it is. So how do you stay soft? How do you let yourself be vulnerable? And my inner Virgo, you know, is like, ew, vulnerability. That's disgusting. What are you doing here? Like Ariana girl. It's true. And it's like to have to intentionally allow it is a challenge. But let's backtrack a little bit. Crystal, love of my life, my beautiful angel princess. How are you?

I'm amazing. I'm amazing. And I'm in this really beautiful zone of like, even though things are not perfect, just being really happy. I think that I finally figured out like what happiness kind of feels like. Like things are not, everything is not perfect, but that's not happiness. It's like finding like this beautiful sense of contentment and ease and softness. Even when things are a little wild out on the street,

you know? So I'm really good. I feel really good. And I'm like overjoyed that we get to do this together. How are you?

Yeah. Well, I am happy to hear that. I feel like that's really powerful to know that maybe happiness feels different than you thought it would, right? Like just to allow it to come in in whatever shape that feels like. And that's really great. I am honestly a little fucked up right now because can I tell you what I saw today Yes. No. Okay. So this morning, I'm scrolling Facebook as one does as an older, elder millennial, scrolling through Facebook. I see something that is fully unhinged. McDonald's is now offering a cup of buttered corn as a side. I am not talking about like corn on the cob. I'm not talking street corn. I'm talking like a cup of buttered corn.

Like a straight up bucket of kernels.

Like who asked for this? Who the fuck asked for that? McDonald's? What the fuck are you doing? McDonald's. Like how about we take some of the energy away from innovating corn kernels and instead fix the ice cream machine? How about that? Can we fix the ice cream. Can you not? Can you clean it often and can it be fixed? Yes. Clean it at six o'clock in the morning, not at 10 30 at night.

Okay, but every time. Yeah, I would much rather not have a bucket, like a cup of kernels. I have never once been eating my Big Mac and been like, what I really need right here is some buttered corn kernels. So that's where I'm at. I'm just like, I'm real messed up over that. Otherwise, feeling good. Like, right? Doesn't it?

Not just feeling good, but like the aforementioned kernels. But I'm glad in the face of like, what is truly a fast food travesty that ultimately we're doing okay. Right? We're able to move past it. We're just like, accept that that is something that exists in the world. And happy for Virgo season, right? Like, I'm glad that's here. We need to talk about my love for Virgos and how I literally know like six of them. And I love each and every one of them. And I'm confused. Because as a cancery water sign and a fire sign as well,

like in my big three, that I'm batshit and you guys are so grounding. And that I'm like just gravitating towards that grounding energy all the time. And my Venus is in Virgo. So I love me a Virgo. And I will collect y'all like troll dolls because you're my fiend.

I obviously am a Virgo sun. And my husband, Jimmy, you know him. A Pisces, a water sign And I always think of that beautiful relationship between Virgo or like water signs and earth signs as like that beautiful lapping of like a wave on the beach. And like how that moment comes together. You walk in the water a little bit in the shore, right? Doesn't that feel?

It's actually, I think those are very, it's a very compatible like match. The Virgo and the Pisces. But also like Virgo and water signs. I think it's just, it's like very complimentary energy.

We're obviously star soulmates. We need each other. Well, that's true, right? Like everybody needs somebody else. We don't have the whole package ourselves.

No. And that's why we went to graduate school. Not to get an education to find one another. Yep. That's where we met is graduate school. The most useful slash useless experience we've ever had.

I have, I'm not using my degree, but I don't know where I would be without that grad school experience because the people there were delightful.

Yeah.

Or awful and amazing shit talking fodder. Oh my God.

The amount that, okay. So for, let's just backtrack a tiny bit to how we met. So we were saying yesterday while getting some shit done, we don't even remember our first interaction. It was like for me, it was like, oh, Vienna, like she's always been around. And I don't remember like what class we think it might be words and images.

It could have been like, what is the rhetoric class? Visual and verbal. Yeah.

We went to grad school for publications design, which is like half graphic design, half businessy writing communications. There's yeah.

Yeah. And that program was lit because of the people that were in it. And also a shout out to Amy, because she was the department chair at the time. And she's like our favorite still after all the time.

But yeah, we had just a really good group and it was super stressful because none of us, I think were, most of us were not in that field yet. And we're really learning from scratch, but that was the vulnerability coming in too. It was like, oh my God, none of us know what we're doing. We all get to sit here and learn it together, get critiqued together. But like, I didn't, I don't remember. I don't remember our first interaction. I just remember the moment in which I was like, she is most certainly not going anywhere.

I think we were at, what is that? Was it Terps? We were at Terps, probably eating wings and drinking beer and like just immediately talking shit. And the vibe for me, like how I know that we're going to be cool is like if I can make a wild ass out of pocket joke and you either are quick with the shits and you add to the joke, or you like greatly appreciate the joke is the way to my heart. And you were quick with the shits and that's always how it's been.

It's like, oh, do you want to hear some tea? Yes, I do. Like let's make some tea together. And that was like the basis of our joy. Like that was, it was so fun. And that was like how we got through all of that, like stress.

Yes, every grad student or like, fuck it. Every human needs someone to do good hearted shit talking with, right? Like you don't want to be bringing yourself down. I know you can get into like a negativity spiral, but that good hearted shit talking, we're like, it's so unserious. Like, I don't even remember what we said five minutes later. I don't remember who we were talking about. There's no hard feelings there, but you got to dish it. You got to take it.

Yeah. Maybe it's the Puerto Rican and me. Yeah. I love a little shit talk. And I think like we needed that space where it was like, listen, let me just say what I need to say and don't take me too seriously. But then that also lets us have these other really good conversations about stuff because we have a very judgment free zone with each other, which is beautiful.

Yeah, it is beautiful. I am so grateful for our friendship and the space that it gives me. Maybe I can be a little selfish with that. I don't know. But yeah, no, I have so much gratitude for it. I feel like when I first met you, I also don't remember. I think this is like us having ADHD and being like, I actually don't have memories of it. You've just always been part of my life. I do remember looking at you and being like, she has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen.

Shout out to U of Baltimore Dental School. Hey.

But I'm just like, but your whole face lights up and you smile. And I was like, I want to make her smile. I want to be the one that makes her cackle, that makes her laugh. I mean, they might kiss. What if they kiss? Okay. I was just like, I love it. I want to make this girl laugh for the rest of our days as little besties. And because we've been cackling ever since.

Yeah, so not a day goes by without a cackle.

No, if it's a meme, if it's just a quick word, there's pretty steady cackling. And also steady bitching if I need to get something off my chest which I love. And I love, I think it's been so fun to see us kind of grow up a bit. I think you and Jimmy were newly married. I got married during graduate school and we had kids. And I mean, it's just been so fun to watch us do these very serious adult-ass things and know that,

and be like, that bitch is so unserious. Deep down, she's a wreck the same way I'm a wreck. And look at her doing the things. Look at her being the last adult with babies.

I watch you and I'm just like, oh my gosh, I'm so proud of you. And I just, the way you, yeah, you're just, you're a gem. Love you.

That way, I think, for sure. But yeah, this is like how we ended up here. It's just like, maybe we should talk about some of the stuff that we cackle about during our texts. Like the energy work and the therapy sessions and the imposter syndrome and even the sticky stuff, lots of sticky stuff that we get to share in a very safe place. And that's why we say it's a love letter to us. Not low expectations, because I always have very high expectations for us, but expectations like, let's do this for the joy of it. And hopefully someone gets something out of it. Just to even hear that other people are thinking about some of the stuff that we are pondering here at this age in life.

Yeah. There's like a new enlightenment, I think, that comes in your 30s or 40s. I mean, even younger, right? Every step of the way, you're finding new stuff that's going on inside you and maybe coming from your past, maybe it's external. But if you do not deal with that, you continue to trip over it. I know that we are both so tired of tripping over our bullshit, that it's like, how do we unpack this and either accept it or change it? But those are the kinds of things you cannot do alone. You need somebody to call you on your shit. You need somebody to be a kind friend and say, what are you doing, girlie? Like, what is that? And sometimes you need the love of that. And you also need somebody to be like, you are a bad bitch. Why are you acting like this?

Get fucking hype about yourself and hype up the people around you that you love, are big time. And I think that if anything, we probably have both learned in the last few years, obviously, given the absolute shit show that is the world right now, that this can be snatched in but a moment. And so it is worth it for us to be a little bit vulnerable and kind of say,

all right, I want to do some awkward shit for the sake of my self-growth. And that's a lot of stuff. I know for me, that has taken me from being a very bottled up and... I don't know, I was about to be emotionally unstable. But for real, sometimes, just being a person that always operates out of their emotions and is not able to balance that and just kind of always running on fumes and having a big lack of boundaries and all of these things and moving into a different space where I'm like,

oh, I really have to take good care of myself, my spirit, in order for me to have any kind of impact on things the way I really, really want. And a lot has changed since that realization. And it takes a lot to make some of those first steps and to look at your own shit. And when someone else is like,

this is what I always thought you should be doing. And you really look like you're in your purpose and you really look like you're in your element. It's so affirming to hear that. It's so affirming to hear someone recognize when you start that kind of work in yourself.

I love that we both came to the need of doing work on ourselves and wanting to share it with others from really different sides. You're saying that you operated from a place of emotion. And when I came to that same point that it's like,

this isn't working anymore. Something's got to give. I need to dig deep and figure this out. I was like, what does it feel like to have an emotion? I don't think I've ever, I bottle it up. I am like, I cannot feel it. I don't have time. I should be angry about this. Nope, we're gonna, we'll deal with that later. And a couple of years ago when I started with my new therapist or my latest therapist, I should say, that was the first thing I said.

I was like, I don't know what it means to process an emotion because I don't think I've ever let it in. And that was scary to let yourself feel angry, to let yourself be sad about something. At the beginning can kind of feel like a failure to be like, I'm letting this affect me. This is affecting my mental state. You're like, I'm crying. Like, why am I crying? But I am a human. I have emotions. This is disgusting.

But it's so necessary. Like that's where the growth happens is in accepting that, this has kind of played with me a little bit. Let me see how I feel about this. Maybe this is trying to tell me something. Maybe this is telling me something I should change.

That's the hardest part is I feel like looking at it in the face, looking at it in the face. And it's funny because being a very emotional creature, actually it's funny because someone definitely tried to weaponize that with an argument with me the other day.

And all I could think of was that Cardi B quote where she was like, I'm an emotional ass bitch. Yes, I'm sensitive. That's me. Yeah, I am. But I feel like now in a much more constructive way, before it was like I was not allowed, I think, especially growing up, not allowed to express a lot of the emotions. And I think that I could barely contain them. And people are like, stop crying.

I could barely contain them. And after a while I was like, well, why am I repressing? Y'all are the ones that are kind of uncomfortable living your emotions. You learn that lesson, at least for me, I will say obviously as a black woman, you learn very early on that nobody, people don't want to hear your shit. That you're going to be perceived as angry, that you're going to be perceived just as like being rough around the edges. And that's, we obviously, that's like a ton to unpack,

but learning that people don't want you to be emotional because it makes them uncomfortable. And then having that like reinforced constantly for years and years and years, when I finally was able to like look at some shit, I was like, oh God, it's a mess in here. It's like, it's literally like having like a hoarded up closet and then letting it all kind of tumble out because it's got to come out, like it's not going to come out pretty. But I think that it's worth it in the end. And I think that like having kids will do that to you,

like, you know, for sure. But I just think also in general, even if you have kids or not, you just get to a point in your life where you're like, well, what am I doing? And am I happy and why or why not? I think it bubbles up for everyone.

Yeah, I mean, I think the thing that having kids does is it puts it right in your face, especially if your kids are anything like you and you see them doing these things. And there is a moment to be like,

oh my gosh, well, why is he behaving like this? When I was a kid, if I behave like that, it was not safe. Like he needs to stop what he's doing for his safety. And then being able to take a moment and be like, oh no, like he's okay, he's okay. And I was okay. And there was nothing wrong with me, but I learned to change all these things about me to conform to societal expectations that you were saying or just in your household, right?

We're seeking safety. And I know you and I have both done so much in our child work lately. And talking to little Crystal and little Vienna.

Oh my God, yes. And with appreciation and love and being like, what do you need? It is wild to feel like I have an experience where you can look at the embodiment of your childhood self and be like, hey, what would you have needed in this moment? Because nobody asked you at the time or you didn't know, you couldn't verbalize it.

That is a big chunk of that work too. And I think that everybody has the opportunity to do that. I think there's something about parenthood that certainly fast tracks it. And thankfully I got the message, but that was a lesson. Because I feel like Javi low-key was sent here to drag me in terms of how I felt about myself and making sure that I healed that so that I could show him that it's totally okay to be himself.

And then came Enzo. So it's like literally, it's just like lighthearted, airy thing in the world. And you're like, oh, that is what I like. Let me get it together so that both of you know, lighthearted and airy is exactly how your childhood should be. It's not going to be perfect, but you should feel like a kid. You should feel safe. And that sometimes me as an adult, I absolutely deserve to feel like a kid and to feel safe in that too, that play. I love that.

And yeah, when you see your kids doing something that just like it can take you out. Dominic the other day or a couple of weeks ago when he was at camp, he failed his deep water swim test. He really wanted to pass. He wanted to go play in the deep end of the pool, but he got a little nervous. I don't know. He said he couldn't finish it. That's a disappointment. And at this point in my life, if I had a disappointment, that would be the end of that. Close that door, never talk about it again. We're good.

He went back the next day and he asked, can I take the swim test again? Can I just do it again? And he passed the next time. And I'm like, that's so brave. And he's like, why? The swim test isn't scary. And I'm like, you're right.

Cause your mama got issues. And like if I were you when I was a kid? That's me. Yes.

Yes. You don't want people to see you fail. It's so hard to come out of that.

But when you see them do it, it's so lit. Because we're just learning how to not make a big deal out of the failure.

It's just a lesson. And you can like, it's OK. That's why you practice. You can try again. And not attaching the shame and the guilt in that moment to something that didn't go as planned. Because you can go back the next day and take that shit again and kill it. And I mean, with almost everything that we do, I feel like, and we're nervous about and we're afraid to put ourselves out there for. And I love that, that we can see those little moments of them and then pull out the wisdom for our adult self because we really, really need that.

Yeah. I want to be like, you're right. I love that. And I want to do that. You're inspiring me. I'm going to take that into my next day. I'm going to, I want to embody that a little bit more. The failure is not forever, right? No, it eases. It's not fatal. It's not terminal. It's not the end of the road. And it doesn't determine your character. It doesn't determine your support. Mistakes are certainly character builders.

And I'm like, when we say mistakes, y'all, we're not talking about like, you know, like you threw a bag of kittens in the dumpster. Like, fuck you if you do that. But just mistakes that you make as an adult who is learning to grow in like what their purpose is and as a friend, as a, you know, a daughter, a son, whatever, like that you just as a being on this earth or just trying to make through some stuff with the most grace as possible.

And you don't need to attach guilt and shame. And we have so much attached to us. And so like that, it makes it scary for us to try new things. But I love that. In a sense, that's really kind of, I think, what brought the two of us here to kind of be like, does anybody even want to hear our shit? I don't know, but like, this could be super healing for you and I. And let's do it.

It's been years, I feel like, that we've been talking about. We have to find a way to do something together. We love when our energies come together. And how do we use this time that we have together and what can it be? And I don't know what this is going to be. We're just, we're recording. We're having fun. We're playing. We're enjoying this journey and this time together. And right now, that's going to be enough. That's fine. Yes.

This is time with like one of my favorite people. So I'm like, schedule time with one of my favorite people to just talk about whatever comes up. And it's funny because like we already have what could be like several seasons of work of things to talk about. And there's going to be so much that we get to dive into together. Like things that we know of, things that we don't know of. And hopefully some really wonderful and amazing people that'll teach us some things. And that's going to be like where we continue this really beautiful and vulnerable exercise.

Yeah. Like as a sneaky peek, we have conversations planned around grief, around female friendship, around partnerships, around some self-gratification, some self-love, some sexy times. I mean, I feel like every moment of the day, we come up with another idea of things we want to talk about, things that we are finding healing through, that we've heard other people finding healing through.

Yoga, tarot, psilocybin, CBD, THC. I mean, the field is ripe with conversation. It's going to be an exciting time for us. Well, I think that's like a great point to start us off, that today we want to talk about beginnings and why it's so hard to begin something new. Even if you've been thinking about it forever,

if you are fully prepared, you've done all this work. It is so incredibly hard. And we decided we don't know what we're doing, but to begin, begin, right? Like we just take that first step, just jump in. So we were thinking about what are those things that make beginning hard? If we could narrow them down, if we could verbalize them, take some of the power away from them perhaps, but just discuss it. I think the first thing that you mentioned or that you touched on talking about grad school,

it's so hard to be vulnerable. It's so hard to be bad at something. And like when we were in grad school, so it was an arts and design program. So we were doing crits every week. We were putting our work out and saying, please give us critical feedback.

Tell me my shit sucks and what can I do to improve it? I willingly laid on the table for them to be like, you fucking are terrible. Take this shit and redesign it every week.

Yes, that was what? 10, 12 years ago that we were doing that. So we were younger and it just gets harder as you get older and you're supposed to be perceived as having your shit more together and being better. But it is so hard to be like, tell me what you don't like about this. And how to improve it. Drag me, drag me so my shit gets better.

Give me feedback, give me constructive feedback. When you're in that creative process, the creative process is already, creating anything is vulnerable. That's literally our experience all the time in life is just gonna be like straight up vulnerability to exist. But creating things in that kind of very intentional manner and then being like, hey, what do you think after you poured your heart into something? Wow, what a ride to therapy.

Yeah, right. And I think like societally over the past 12 years, we have gotten very comfortable with just ripping shit apart. Like you cannot go on social media without seeing, somebody could post a picture of their shoes and somebody will be like, this was made in a sweatshop. Who, why are you wearing those? That looks awful. You're too old for this. Those are shoes for somebody else.

Why would you spend that much money on this? Like people just are so comfortable ripping things apart. And I think that's probably the difference of like those grad school crits, right? You're asking for, how do I make this better? And you're asking for help improving. But society's not giving us that.

It's just giving us- Just like straight up no grace sometimes. And like, this is gonna sound hypocritical because I'm totally one of those people that will straight up like sit on a TikTok and be like, ooh girl, why do you have that on? But although I don't understand people who will directly like leave feedback under someone and be like, you're fucking horrible.

You should die for your shoe choice or whatever. That's wild to me. But there is something like very sad about the fact that you can't like make mistakes. And when I say you can't make mistakes, I'm not talking about when you're like 14, 15, 16 years old using the N word and being like, oh, I didn't know. That's not what we're talking about. You know. So don't do that shit. Okay. All right. But I'm talking about when you make like that girl,

what is that girl? The Friday girl. Oh, that was the cringiest shit I've ever seen. Oh, go back. Like girl, listen, it might not have been it, but did you deserve to get dragged for like several years as a result? No, you did not.

Have you seen her lately though? Because I think this is such a beautiful like- Button at the end of this. She is performing at festivals. She has fully reclaimed that song. It is like an EDM bop. People are playing it and she has stepped into it and like really owned it. However, she was a child when that came out.

I know, like let her live her life. Who was she hurting? But we're going to tear her apart.

If you would have seen like the stuff that like I was creating when I was that age.

Oh my God. I don't even want to know where the pictures are of like my friends and I putting on like fashion shows doing photo shoots.

A photo shoot?

Oh no, I definitely, I have, okay. Let me tell you, I do know where these pictures are, but it's me and my bestie who we're actually going to have on for another episode. Amanda. She is a cutie. We had sweater vest and mud bell bottoms. We were 12 or 13 years old and we found some boogie boards and we went out in the backyard and took a whole bunch of pictures pretending that they were like surfboards and we were cuties.

And you were on the surfboard in jeans.

Oh, we sure were and it was just a boogie board. It was not a surfboard. Like it's so cringe, but also like I look back at that now and I'm like, oh my God, we were so cute.

Because how much fun were you having?

It was, I like, we've talked about how you and I have very few memories of like childhood. That is a clear, joyful and like so unself-conscious, right? And if you can have somebody like that in your life who's gonna, who's gonna hype you up when you are doing the most. Yeah. That's beautiful.

My sister was that person for me, like we were saying yesterday, there are a lot of blank spots in the childhood, all of the really good memories I can remember are with my sister who is eight years older than me. But like she has seen me in the most ridiculous and silly manner possible. Like she, you know, that's my, that's my home girl. And we used to make up like commercials.

Like that was my shit. Everybody thought I was going to be like in broadcasting or like in marketing and writing jingles because I would make up a jingle for any fucking thing. And I was a weird ass kid. I was so weird like looking back, but like the kind of way we're like, I see Javi acting that way. And I'm like, oh my God, this is so fun. Because like you, you make no sense, but you do. Like you're just, you're just vibing. You're vibing all the time. And I think about that and like that's the zone I have to get into more often now is like where you're just vibing.

You're just, sometimes you're talking on your ass. Like sometimes you're like dead serious about a topic that like nobody cares about. Like you've gone down a rabbit hole and like you need people to like, like you hyper fixate on something. Like that's the kind of stuff that my brain does. And I feel like as an adult, I have like shut that off so bad sometimes that I'm like, no, we need to invite like the very weird little crystal out to like, to be creative and be fun and be weird and just vibe again.

Right. Because when a kid is doing it, we're seeing this is how they're learning. This is how they're testing. This is how they're figuring out where the boundaries are. What stupid shit they can say that their friends laugh at. What stupid shit they say that hurt somebody?

Like when your son drops a deez nuts joke on you and you have to say listen, you say it. Did I, did I tell him, did I say the deez nuts joke in front of him? Or did he pick it up somewhere?

But also like a deez nuts joke is genuinely funny. And if you can use it in the right context.

He did. He fully- Javi fully executed a deez nuts joke on me some months back and I can hands down say it was the funniest thing that's ever happened to me.

I have auntie pride right here. I'm so proud of him for that one.

He's a gem.

All right. So another reason why it's so hard to search something new because you're bad at something at first and adulthood isn't doesn't make it easy to be bad at something. To be perceived and be bad at something is scary. And yeah, you know, yeah. What do you think?

I'm going to start new things like, you know, when you become an adult and your life gets just full of to do's. You're trying to take care of yourself. You're trying to take care of people. You're trying to maintain relationships and do all of those adult things. And it's like, you only have so much time.

And so when you start something new and you fucking suck at it, you're like, well, I don't have time to be bad at this, you know, like, because time is not infinite for us. But at the same time, you have to make space to mess things up a little bit. And I always tell, like, when I'm working with clients, I always tell them sometimes you have to do stuff for the sake of doing so that you can figure out what it is, not necessarily that you're good at, but that you have enough interest in to want to keep doing it and to kind of stop caring that you look dumb or that you're cringey or that you don't know what you're doing.

Because that's going to right now at this stage in my life, that's going to be the majority of things. Like I've hit that age where I'm like, you know, I'm going to listen to the same list on Spotify over and over again, the same playlist. I like these things. These are the things I like to eat. And you're never going to take skinny jeans away from me, right? So, like,

I'm set in my ways. But also, if I want to continue to cultivate more joy and also have some help in that creative process, I'm going to have to get over the fact that I look dumb. Like, it just doesn't... You can't have both. You have to be vulnerable enough to kind of look silly or be imperfect when you're starting off something to see if you really like it and eventually find out that you're good at it.

Yeah, that's a good point. I was thinking recently about how, like, why is it so scary for me to potentially be perceived not being great at something, right? And I mean, even in the stupidest senses, like I'll be at the gym or like in a class, I mean, not recently because, you know, I don't go to the gym anymore. But like in a group exercise class, I will have to pee or refill my water bottle. And I cannot leave that room because I don't want people to think, oh, she can't do this. She is failing. Let me tell you, I have never looked at another person leaving a room when I'm in one of those situations.

So I can imagine that nobody cares. Nobody's paying attention. But there is just that lingering self-consciousness of when you're a kid and, you know, I grew up a fat kid and I think there's something there to the physicality of it of being like everything I do is going to come back and it's going to be, well, this is because you're fat. This is because, you know, you're lazy. That's why you didn't run so well at track. It is real and you carry that with you.

And, you know, I know that anybody who comes from a marginalized background or, you know, any stigmatized identity, they're going to feel that. And it's really hard to unpack and it's really hard to acknowledge that maybe people are going to think something of you. Maybe they're probably not, but maybe they are.

Maybe they are. And it might not be nice.

And what?

So fuck them.

Yeah. Are you really going to let that? Are you really going to let their nasty attitude hold you back from potentially finding something that brings you so much joy? And I'm not going to sit here and say, how could you let somebody like that hold you back? Because I've spent my life letting that hold me back. And who hurts the most in that one? I'll tell you, it's me. The people who are cringing, the people who have made fun of me in the past, the kids who laughed, they don't give a fuck.

They don't. They don't. And also that leads into like this, if people are not receptive to like what you're doing or who you are and all of that, then it's okay because they're just not your people and it's not a slight. It just is. And I think when you're a kid, that's like very hard to conceptualize. Like why don't you like me? And now like, I mean, whatever.

I don't care. But at the time, I remember being a little kid and really caring a lot. And it's funny because like if you're an astro-girlie and you know what your black moon Lilith is, like mine is an Aquarius. And like, I feel like that's like, I don't want to say it's like similar to your Chiron. And like, you know what? I'm sure people will come in here and absolutely correct me, but it's like a taboo side of like your personality. And it's like something that you might want to, like what your desire is, but you don't want to reveal it because like you don't want to be ridiculed.

And like mine being an Aquarius is very much like always feeling like the different oddball out and no one is really going to accept me for who I am and not really fitting in with a particular group. And I will tell you that growing up as a black girl in the 90s in Laurel, Maryland at the time was still extremely, not nearly as diverse as it is now at a school where there were probably like less than 10 black people at a time.

That's how I felt all the fucking time. And then, you know, moving on from that school and going to a school where it was predominantly black and it was litty to titty all the time. And I fucking loved it and felt very loved and accepted by most people. And it's like having like those core things and still carrying them with you as an adult is really, it's funny when it resurfaces again when you're an adult and you're like, what are you doing here? But like the fun part for me,

especially in the last few years is being like, yeah, bitch, I'm weird. And like we all knew that I was weird and you love it. You love it here in my weirdness. Because I think if you know me, you know that I'm weird and you love that about me. So it feels like some healing to like know, to recognize the ways that you are different and that you can be like awkward or icky or whatever. And know that like you are still absolutely worthy of like really good friendships and interactions with people and how to show that part of yourself without being like,

no, I don't want anybody to see it. Like openly showing the weird parts of yourself and how you do things.

Yeah, I had two thoughts come up while you were saying that. First of all, I just wanna validate that like, you were so small and you had that experience as an outsider and all the insecurity that came along with that. And then you went into an environment where you were more accepted, where you felt freer. Yet that early feeling outside,

it doesn't go away, right? Like you're still unpacking it now and you're still dealing with it now. And even if things get better, like those things are so formative. And I think, you know, it's just that inner child work. And I'm glad you were able to hold onto your weirdness because I love your weirdness. But yeah, and I think a lot of people have to as adults find that weirdness again, right? Like they've been taught to mask, they've been taught to hide it because that's where safety comes in.

And it's real fun to be a big weirdo. Oh my God. And when you find other weirdos, oh, that's the best.

Yeah, there's nothing I love more than talking nonsense. Like just letting the conversation flow so well and being like, how do we even get here? Or just, you know, the openness with friends in which you can be like, you can talk about anything and everything and really like throw your head back and cackle or cry about it.And yeah, without judgment is the zone that I aspire to be in all the time.

The other thing I was thinking of when you were saying those aren't your people, I'm doing a yoga teacher training. And something our instructor had said to us and I know lots of yoga teachers say this, just because somebody is taking your class does not mean that they are your student. So they might be there, right? They might not be your student. And sometimes they'll let you know.

That's a bar, that's a bar.

Like they might let you know upfront, they might sit there for six months and you will be feeling like you're doing everything wrong because you just cannot get them to engage and you're twisting yourself, you're tying yourself and not trying to change things to reach this person. But maybe they're just not your student. And that's okay too. And you gotta be okay with that. There's a teacher out there for them and there are students out there for you.

Yeah, it's a very much like not everybody is gonna buy what you're selling kind of thing. And that's okay because who it's for,

it's for. And that's a huge lesson that I've had to learn. In being a Reiki practitioner and with coaching. And it's so funny because it's so directly tied to my purpose that like I have to do it anyway. It doesn't matter if it's a thing I monetize or not. If I do great, if I don't, it doesn't matter. I have to do it. Because that's what my spirit has told me to do. So it's like, you have to do it. You've gotta be okay with getting up there and being like, I might reach one out of like eight people in this class.

I might reach one out of 20 people in this class, but I have to do it and I have to be here. So like, let me show up here and do the best I can because that one person that gets it, needs it. And I have it to give. So like, and I love that you're doing that training because that's another thing that you were like, oh, no, I wanna do it. And I'm like, please go fucking do this right now because you are like, we need more, more, more, more of just us regular baddies out here, like in that space.

And I love that you're doing that. And I think it's gonna be super healing for you and for others, for that person that has the capacity to receive what you're giving.

Yeah, I think all that also really leads into the next thing that we were talking about with this cringe factor, right? Like all those fears, all that being bad. And it comes down to the fact that you're like, oh, this is so cringe. And we are incentivized to not be cringe.

But we love cringe though. We love it. We love when other people are cringe. So like, it's so good. We all be cringe, you know?

It's so good. Like my therapist is like, and, what if they cringe? And what? Like what happens? And I'm like, let them cringe so hard, they break their fucking neck. Like if they're gonna be that offended by whatever I do, then don't look. Don't look over there. I also say that being like, I can't actually do that, but that's where we're aiming to go, right? Like that's-

You'll get there. You'll get there. I am there like 70% of the time right now. Because I am so, I am not gonna lie. I'm so fucking worn out from the last few years. Maybe it's like my patience is at an all-time low. I don't know if it's in my patience, but it's more like my inability to mask anything most of the time. I'm just like, I can't, if you don't like it. I can't help you out and that's okay.

That's it, right? Like that is it because we spent the last several years, society falling apart, losing loved ones, losing financial stability, losing a whole lot. And you're gonna sit here and worry about somebody making fun of us on the internet?

I just like don't even have to talk about it. I don't fucking care. I legit, yeah, in the last few years, I was busy. I homeschooled a kindergartner who was now going into third grade and watched his little brother at the same time. I have a mom that has Parkinson's. My dad is aging. He got COVID. It was the fucking worst. I had my own wild awakenings with a lot of things.

I had hysterectomy. I'm about to be divorced. I was busy and that is exhausting when you think of all of it. And to me, I feel like that's mild. There are people who have gone through infinitely more. And so I'm like, why are we all holding on to this notion that the last few years didn't happen?

How can we be expected to have energy to put into how other people perceive us?

Yeah, we gotta let it go.

Yeah, we're letting that one go. And I think at least for me, this whole podcasting experience is an exercise in that. It's forcing me to say, what if I say something stupid? And an elementary school bully finds it and then shares it or shares a screenshot. I don't care. I mean, I do. But I don't at this point.

Okay, thank you. Thank you for the attention. Thank you so much.

I hope you enjoyed your time here.

I hope you learned something and fucking healed a little bit and that you're not such a nasty little bitch anymore. I'm not going to say her name. But maybe one day I will. But you know what I'm saying? Like it doesn't matter. It really doesn't fucking matter. And the vulnerability and being willing to be cringe on Main Street is what unifies other people too.

Like that brings in more community for you when you're willing to say it. When you're willing to say like, oh, here's something I'm really bad at. Here's something I'm working at. Here's something I don't know anything about. That's where you invite in community and say, or people can say, oh, I know something about this. I can help you with that. Or I don't know anything about it either. Let's learn it together. Are you willing to do that? That's where you're going to make more connection and bring more positivity into your life.

Even if you crash and burn, even if that thing that you were trying, you never get good at.

But that's the joy of the vulnerability is like whatever comes out on the other side, it could be nothing. I say that about like a lot of stuff. I say that about like Ricky, about like coaching. At the very least, you might get like a really good night's sleep. You might feel relaxed. Like you just had a really good meditation. At best, it's going to change your life like it changed my life. And anything in between to me is still worth it for you to do.

And just allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to participate in something that you're not necessarily comfortable with yet, but is you're curious about, is interesting to you. Because you never know what comes out of that process.

And I would say most of the time, anytime I've tried something new, the thing that came out of it was never what I thought it was going to be, right? Life is not these clear lines of you start this and you finish it. No, you take a million twists and turns along the way. Like I really thought that going to grad school, I was going to come out and be like this cute little graphic designer with like a cool haircut. I was going to have like a very cool haircut. I was going to be very hip. I was only going to shop at American Apparel. Okay, this was 2012 guys. Okay, like give me a break.

But this was before homie from American Apparel. Like we all realized he was crazy.

Yeah. I mean, it was a very problematic time. But let me tell you now, as a yoga teacher, stay at home mom, worked in marketing, that's not where my life ended, but it gave me something better. I got something so much better out of it. And that's okay. That's good. That's the better part.

Yes, for sure. And shout out to you if you did use your graduate degree from the Publications Design Program and you're still designing because I will never. I mean. There'll be what? I'm not doing it.

You made our beautiful logo. So I don't want to hear it.

I mean, thank you Canva for your help with that one.

But listen, Canva can't teach you style and you got the eye. You got the eye. So, okay, here's another thing that is why it's so hard. Let me tell you, I heard Jason Derulo was talking about this and I love that it was him.

He wrote a book recently called Sing Your Name or something like that. I should go back and fact check that. But like that is a punch line, right? The like singing his name and he's doing really well. He's owning it. He's enjoying it. Anyway, so he was talking about this on Armchair Expert that the list of players who are on like the NBA most misses that have missed the most shots are also on the list of the greatest scorers of all time.

That's like Jordan LeBron, Kobe. They are the greats. Nobody's laughing at them for being on the list of greatest missers, right? Like nobody cares.

Just straight up goats.

Let me tell you when Michael Jordan is cashing that check, he is not thinking about being on that list. Like he is, there's not a thought about it.

I don’t care what you hoes are doing. I'm rich, bitch.

That's Kobe. Yeah. What's Kobe's legacy? It's definitely not at the time he missed a shot.

Absolutely not. No, I mean, and that's- And also, let's talk about for one second side note about Kobe and I worked at this. Okay, I'm going to go on a slight tangent, but stay with me. I had the opportunity to hear this speaker. Oh my God, I can't remember his name, but he worked closely with a lot of NBA players and athletes. He was a fantastic speaker.

But one of the things he was saying was like the cool ass thing about Kobe is that like, if you got to the gym at five, Kobe had already been there since four. And the reason why he was so fucking good is because he did not stop practicing. If he got something wrong, he kept doing it until it was nothing but second nature for him to get it right. And like you think about, again, like the vulnerability of an athlete. How much shit do people talk about athletes?

You know what I mean? And I think to dedicate yourself so much to something that you were going to be like the first person there and the last person to leave, and you're going to be busting your ass above all to be like a straight up legend for all time is huge. And so I remember coming away from that and being like, if I can just take like one fourth of that energy towards anything that I do,

I won't have any shame at all about whether or not I was good at it or like, because at least I did it. At least I had some go get about it. You know what I mean? Like some fire under my ass about it because you just, you're not going to get anywhere that you really want to go by not doing shit. So like I want to hear like how hard a lot of athletes work. I'm just, I am floored. I'm always floored by their process.

Yeah. I mean, if you are a Kobe caliber athlete, which, you know, there's like a handful of them in the world today, but I can imagine that it's very easy to say out of these 10 things, I'm really good at nine of them. I'm going to let that other one go. I don't need to work at that. I'll take the other nine things. But the greats don't, right? He's like, no, I'm going to keep working on this and I'm going to let myself be seen by teammates, by coaches, by other people who are working towards this. I'm going to let them see me be bad at this because I'm going to be bad at something until I get good. You have to be bad at something.

I feel like that's why you can be a little cocky. Like, you know, that's why like, you know, you can be a little cocky if you were like, yeah, I know I sucked at this thing, but also like look at how I don't suck anymore because I put in the work. Like you have the humility to put in the work so that you can be really confident and proud of yourself later. And that is that that to me is like the vulnerability.I'm not good at this right now, but I am going to try. It's all I am.

And I think a lot of us are initially bad at something and then close the door. Like once you have a track record of doing something and getting good at it and you know that you have the ability to and you've seen that you've done it before, every other one gets easier. The next time just gets easier and easier to take that first step. You have to let yourself prove to yourself in that first time that you can do it. You can excel. You can become good at something because once you do, it's just easier the next time to take the first step.

Yeah. And if you're not, it's okay. Like everything doesn't have to be your thing as well. I like, you know, talking about, you know, incredible athletes and like, you know, all of these other amazing people that we know of that. We know that like how fantastic they are, even like actors or actresses that like, never thought they were going to be anything and then they end up just like beloved people. Like, I think we talked.

Well, I think I mentioned like about Andre 3000 who is not only my husband in my head and he just doesn't know it, but also one of my favorite creatives. Like not wanting to make music because like, because people are brutal, right? And that like how sad that made me because I'm like, you could be playing a fucking recorder and I would listen to it and love it because I love him,

right? As a creative and to think that like some of the people that we absolutely love as athletes, actors, actresses, writers, creatives, just our regular everyday people, people who are like business, small business owners or people who had massive visions for themselves in any capacity that they wouldn't try something because like they're afraid of the perception of something that isn't even done yet. Like it just,

it would bother me to no end to not try something that is so on my heart or on my spirit to do and dead and in the water before he even has a chance to breathe.

That is facts because could you imagine living in a world where Ms. Jackson did not exist?

Like where Stankonia isn't your favorite album?

Like tell me like what does somebody have in their heart right now that they're afraid to do that like they are depriving the universe of? Thank God Andre 3000. God bless you. Grateful you pushed through.

With your fine ass. Yeah, sorry. I went somewhere in my head for a moment.

Okay, you take that little vacation in your head. I like that for you.

Thank you friend. Oh God. So I guess like one of the things that we're trying to figure out is what do you do when the things are scary?

And do you want to do them anyway? And I think that this is like stuff that has led to where we are talking shit on this podcast. What are the things that we had to do? And again, because you and I have known each other for such a long time, I think there's a lot of things that you and I have been like, do you know what I really want to do? And some of them like we've gone after and some of them we haven't. And this is probably the farthest that you and I together have gotten on something.

And it's just been like a very right time, right place kind of energy. And I think it's because of some of these things that we put in place to kind of support what this is for us and like what we were dreaming about with it and what we want to do. Like how did we arrive here? Like, oh, this is weird. Might not be good at it. People might laugh. Let's do it anyway.

Right, because yeah, planning is easy. Dreaming is easy. Executing, doing, that shit is hard. But how can you make it easier? I know one way that we've done. Yeah. Get a buddy. Get a buddy. Do it with a friend. You don't have to do it alone. I think that, I mean, I texted you yesterday and I said, buddy, I'm scared a number of times. And like, if it was just me, I would have come up with every excuse to not do something.

That same, because I don't want to talk to myself. I mean, I do. I do be talking to myself, but not in this context. And so, you know, having sharing that vulnerability with somebody else and being like, oh, I really want to do this. And just allowing the process to breathe and nourishing it between two people and being like, it's okay. Like, yeah, we're going to fucking sound weird and it's all good. We're going to keep doing it. Is really, really special. I think you just need people in your corner that don't even necessarily need to understand it, but just know it's important to you and want to encourage you to keep going.

So, you know, not to do things alone. Not to have like your dreams in a vacuum, you know?

I love that. Don't have your dreams in a vacuum. That's so true. You got to find somebody going in a similar direction and be like, yeah, same. Same me and you. Let's do this. Our spirits. We're coming together right here for this.

Yeah, getting your community in place. That's a huge deal. Yeah.

I think another way is what you were saying earlier. Just let go of the expectations. Do it for the plot. Do it for the story. Do it for the joy and the experience of doing something different.

Yeah. Do it because you don't know what comes out of that that could propel you forward. I feel like especially in particular with podcasts, some of my favorite podcasts are just friends that started because they wanted to talk about shit and now they are wildly successful. And whenever I think of the two of them that are like three podcasts that are my favorite,

The Read, Getting Grown, and The Friend Zone are probably my three favorite. And it's funny because all of the people on those podcasts are all like in a friend group and each podcast is very unique. But they're all fantastic at it. And I feel like why it flows is because they probably did it without expectation. They just wanted to come together and make some shit. And now they are impactful spaces.

And I check for their episodes every week and if you know, you know, if you're a fan, you know how wild we are as fans for those podcasts. And I'm like, there could be something, who knows what will come out of this. Even if it's not that, something amazing could really come out of it. And I'm here for that. I'm here for the surprise of what's on the other end.

Right. Every door you open leads to a hallway of a million new doors that you don't even know existed, right? It's not, it doesn't have to be linear. And I think that's maybe that's what I've learned the most over the past several years. Not only does it not have to be linear, it's not going to be linear. So allow yourself to embrace whatever comes because you can't even dream of it. There's no way to know. It's going to be, it could be better. I mean, maybe it won't be, but I don't believe that. I believe that as soon as you try, there's going to be something better waiting on the other side.

Agreed, agreed. And like you were saying, you're like, I'm scared. Like, what do you do when, you know, when you get like, when you get the spooks and you kind of get your, you know, you get your panties in a bunch and you're like, I don't want to do this. Like, this feels weird. You know, when you start to kind of like back up a little bit and maybe like lose your guts about it, what do you do? How do you find accountability in that process?

Yeah, you got to, you got to find your people, right? You got to find a Virgo or you got to find a cancer.

Like baby it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay.

Yeah. I mean, the number of times I think that we, not even for this, which is like a communal project for us, but individual projects, we need that accountability. And I've asked you before, I've said like, I got to do this thing. I told somebody that I was going to get them something and I'm really scared to actually do it and follow through because what if I send it to them and it's terrible?

That was some styling work I've done. And you're like, big girl pants, do it, and then send that invoice and set a fair rate.

And double it at that, okay?

Which, you know, that's, that's still a work in process. But I'm just saying you got to find somebody. And you got to be specific about it, right? You got to be specific about what you are going to do.

And you have to have somebody who's going to kindly, lovingly, gently hold you to it. It could just be yourself, right? If you don't have somebody like that in your life, say the words out loud to yourself, get your brain used to hearing, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to do it by this date and it is going to be okay. But say it out loud, tell somebody.

Yep, find some strength in the duality that like you can be flexible with yourself, but also you want to do,you want to hold yourself accountable as well. I know it's like easier said than done. And I know that we will talk about it in depth at some point in time. But if there are ways that we can eventually come to a place where we're like, if this isn't perfect, that's okay. It's a part of the process. But at least I'm here and at least I did it. And that's the outcome that we're always trying to work towards.

It doesn't have to look exactly like what you thought it was going to be. Sometimes you just need to get your vision out and then you can refine it and refine it and refine it until you are fully in alignment. And bring that and giving yourself some grace in that process is really ideal. And that's, I think, a part of the accountability is like, don't wait until it's perfect or it's a perfect time or whatever to get started, to begin, begin. And shout out to my, one of my favorite people in the whole world,

still to this day, Nikki, a co-worker of mine, who told me that one time. And every time I'm like, oh, shit, I don't want to do that. I'm going to get the ick about myself, whatever. I think you guys start somewhere to begin, begin. Just make like the tiniest step forward.

I know a lot of people say, don't let perfect be the enemy of good. And I tweaked that to another one that I've heard, which is anything worth doing is worth doing crapily. Just do it. It's okay if it's bad. Just do it because it's going to get better. Or you'll learn something in the process.

Start it. Just start. Chances are, like, the world needs what you've got, you know, what you're offering. Yeah.

So that's going to be our excuse if this podcast comes across really shitty. Right. I was like, oops. I mean, it was, it was still worth that. Right. We're going for it. Yeah. Yeah. And I do want to offer to people,we have an email address. It's healing happy hour pod@gmail.com. If you don't have someone to hold you accountable, if you are still in the position that you're like, I don't know that I'm ready to say these words to someone in my life. Tell us, tell us,

let us, like, let us hype you up for real. And just tell us, like, what you're working on. It could be anything. It could be like, you know what I've always wanted to do? Take a watercolor painting class. And today I signed up for one online or whatever it is. Like, I just want to know what people are up to. What are things that you've always wanted to try or do?

And you're like, you know what, I'm going to, I'm going to do like this, the smallest step towards that today. I'm super curious.

And I think that's a great point, too, is like, if that first step feels too scary, break that down. Yeah, break that down. Break it into, break that into like 20 different steps. There are these AI things, which I'm sure we'll have full conversations about AI and everything that's going on with that.

But there is this AI thing that you can put in a task and it'll break it down into steps for you. If you need to join something, if you want to sign up for something, what if you just opened the website, right? Like, you don't even have to register today. What if you just looked at that website? That's me being like, I have to go deal with refinancing my student loans. But what if I just found out what website I have to go to?That might be the step.

That's the word we needed today. Maybe I don't want to look at the total amount of my student loans that are equal to a house in Honduras. I maybe just want to acknowledge today that I need to put that on my to-do list.

I'm just going to see, do I need to reset a password? I don't need to log in.

Of course you need to reset a password.

I don't know what it was, but maybe there's a smaller step. And maybe whoever you're holding to you to be accountable to, maybe they can help you figure out a smaller step. Or maybe it's us. We can help you. I can always help you justify something or come up with a smaller way to do it. I'm here for you for that.

Definitely. And if you want me to also specialize in like pettiness or anything, those are things I can absolutely assist with as well. So if there's someone that's got you fucked up right now and you want some advice on that, just kidding. I love a little hot tea, but feel free to put it in the inbox.

She's not kidding. We do want to know. I want to know your shit. We want to know everybody's tea and everybody's gossip. The less I know the people involved, the better. I want to hear about your messy coworkers aunt who is scamming some guy. That's what I want to know about. Tell me.

I want to know who fought at the cookout because somebody put raisins in the potato salad and what your auntie said. I want to know that. You know what I mean? I want to know that kind of hot tea because suburban mom tea,it's okay. But I want to know other kinds of tea. I want to hear the hot tea, what your uncle did, how he got to drop at the last barbecue.

I want to know which neighbor is parking in somebody else's spot, but the car is not theirs. It's a visitor of theirs, but their wife's been out of town. That's what I need.

So send that shit in.

Send that shit in. That has absolutely nothing to do with the podcast. We probably won't talk about it, but we do want to know because we're just nosy and messy and we're just two moms who are like, give us something to get through the day. I think that's beautiful. Do we want to end this with a little bit of a challenge? Let's do it. Let's do this. Okay. I'm going to challenge you, Crystal, myself, Vienna, and anybody listening to this to start something new this week.

For me, it will not be refinancing my student loan because I just need a little more emotional wherewithal for that and probably a couple more therapy sessions before I'm ready to really log in. But yeah, I'm going to find something new. Do you have anything in mind that you're wanting to start, something you've been putting off?

Honestly, I think the thing that I really, really need to restart is my rededication to physical movement.

That's beautiful.

I've taken a little tank in the last month or so. I, again, bite-sized pieces. Start by moving a little bit every day, and I'm just going to start there if it's 20 minutes. It doesn't matter what it is. If it's a walk, if it's a Peloton, if it's yoga, if it's weights, just to begin to begin. And begin.

Yeah, I love that.

I have a challenge for you.

What? Oh, no. What? No, see, you're going to hold me to something. That's scary.

You know I will. I'll be like, hey, it's Wednesday. Did you do this? I really want to hear a little bit more about your experience thus far in yoga teacher training, and I just want to see a little grammy-gram or Ticky-Tok about it.

Okay, that is so scary, but I love that. I want to do that, and I'm going-

Just a little bloopity-bloop.

Like, I just- Yeah, I'm going to talk about it. I'm going to own that. Yes, thank you. Thank you sir may I have another. I love that. Thank you. I will do it, and I will probably have nervous sweats all through it, but I'm going to do it.

It's okay. It just adds to your dewy glow.

And a little bit of an underarm odor, but that's fine. That's what the shower is for.

I love it. Oh my gosh. Well, I think we can rise to these challenges.

Yeah, and we can check in on each other with it next week on the episode, and we'll also, if anybody emails us to tell us what it was for, maybe we can share some of those, what they're challenging themselves to starting. Crystal, this was beautiful. Where can listeners find you slash us? What are we doing?

Please find me on Instagram. Currently at TempleHoney Healing. It's pretty much on all platforms. Really Instagram is what I'm using the most these days, and I can't wait to meet you, and it's going to be a fun time for us while we get it together over here and share all these vulnerable and awesome things.

And I'm excited that we got to do this. Yeah, I love this. And everybody should follow us on Instagram as well. @HealingHappyHourPod. I'm sure as websites and stuff come up, they will be linked there, and we'll keep updating you, but yeah, follow us there. See what we're up to. Maybe see how our challenges are going this week.

Yes, hold us accountable. Check in and be like, hey, did you move today? Did you move your ass today?

Yeah, did you do anything? Have you gotten up? Have you walked around? Have you taken your little hot girl walk? Yes, I love that. Oh, and I'm on Instagram at glowupinsideout. It's just like one straight word all the way through. Yeah, that's where you can find us. And you can find us next week also.

We'll have another episode, and we are going to be talking about being present, the challenge and the healing potential of being in the moment, the struggles associated with it, but how you can work towards that.

I'm just so happy we get to do this, and I can't wait to see where this goes, and we're happy to share it with everyone.

Yay, I love you.

Love you.

Thanks so much for hanging out with us at the Healing Happy Hour. Subscribe or follow to make sure you don't miss a single episode. We're dropping wisdom and foolishness every Thursday, and we want you here with us. See you next week.