How yoga philosophy helps us love difficult people without abandoning ourselves.
How do we keep our hearts open when someone has hurt us?
And how do we practice love without pretending something is okay when it is not?
In this episode of The Midlife Purpose Project, we continue the conversation from Part 1 of Loving When It Feels Hard and go deeper into what happens when difficult relationships become truly hurtful.
This episode is not about spiritual bypassing. It is not about pretending you are not angry, hurt, resentful, or grieving. And it is not about abandoning yourself in the name of being loving or spiritual.
Instead, this episode explores how yoga philosophy can help us stay connected to love while also honoring our truth, setting boundaries, feeling our emotions, and protecting our peace.
We talk about ahimsa, or non-harming, and why non-harming must include yourself. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is set a clear boundary, create distance, speak the truth, or even release a relationship that continues to cause harm.
We also explore viveka, or discernment, as the practice of seeing clearly what a moment requires. Love does not always look soft from the outside. Sometimes love looks like firmness. Sometimes it looks like a boundary. Sometimes it looks like refusing to participate in a harmful pattern.
This episode also moves into vairagya, or non-attachment, especially when we want someone else to change. We can love someone, hope for their healing, and model another way of being without attaching our peace to whether or not they are willing to evolve.
And finally, we explore forgiveness, anger, grief, and upeksha, or equanimity. Forgiveness is not excusing what happened. It is not rushing past pain. It is not saying something was okay when it was not. Forgiveness is a process of telling the truth, feeling what is underneath the anger, and eventually releasing the hope that the past could have been different.
This is deep spiritual work.
It asks us to practice svadhyaya, or self-study, by looking honestly at our own reactions, triggers, wounds, patterns, and responsibilities. Even when someone else is wrong, our healing still belongs to us.
If you are navigating a painful or complicated relationship, this episode is an invitation to return to your center, tell the truth, set the boundary, feel what is real, and reach for the highest branch of loving-kindness available to you.
Not perfect love.
Not forced forgiveness.
Not self-abandonment.
But the kind of love that keeps your heart open without letting harm continue.
In This Episode, We Explore
- Why loving someone does not mean abandoning yourself
- The difference between spirituality and spiritual bypassing
- Why pretending you are not hurt or angry can become a form of self-harm
- How ahimsa, or non-harming, must include yourself
- Why boundaries can be an expression of love
- How love does not always look gentle from the outside
- What viveka, or discernment, teaches us about taking right action
- Why we cannot force another person to change
- How vairagya, or non-attachment, helps us release our grip on someone else’s evolution
- Why forgiveness should never be rushed
- How anger can point us toward grief, hurt, shame, fear, or sadness underneath
- Why forgiveness is not excusing harm or letting someone off the hook
- How svadhyaya, or self-study, helps us see our wounds and triggers clearly
- What it means to reach for the highest branch of loving-kindness
- How upeksha, or equanimity, helps us choose peace without denying pain
Yoga Philosophy Concepts in This Episode
Ahimsa
Ahimsa means non-harming. In this episode, we explore why non-harming must include yourself. Staying in harmful patterns, denying your emotions, or pretending something is okay when it is not can become a form of self-harm.
Viveka
Viveka means discernment or clear seeing. It is the ability to pause, return to your center, and see what the moment actually requires. Sometimes the loving response is softness. Sometimes it is truth. Sometimes it is a firm boundary.
Vairagya
Vairagya means non-attachment. In difficult relationships, this can mean loving someone, hoping for their healing, and modeling another way without attaching your peace to whether or not they choose to change.
Svadhyaya
Svadhyaya means self-study. It is the practice of honestly observing your thoughts, reactions, wounds, patterns, and triggers so you can see where healing is needed and return to greater freedom.
Upeksha
Upeksha means equanimity. It is the ability to remain steady, grounded, and clear even in the presence of pain, complexity, or difficult emotions. Equanimity allows us to choose peace without denying what happened.
Reflection Questions From This Episode
- Where am I confusing love with self-abandonment?
- What emotions have I been pretending are not there?
- Is there a boundary I need to set in order to practice non-harming toward myself?
- Am I hoping someone else will change before I allow myself to feel peace?
- What am I still attached to that is keeping me on an emotional rollercoaster?
- What is underneath my anger?
- Is there grief, hurt, sadness, fear, or shame asking to be seen?
- What wound in me may have been touched by this relationship?
- What is my responsibility in my own healing?
- What is the highest branch of loving-kindness I can reach for right now?
- What would help me return to equanimity?
Gentle Practice From This Episode
The next time you feel anger, resentment, or hurt rising in a difficult relationship, pause before reacting.
Take a few slow breaths.
Place one hand over your heart if that feels supportive.
Then ask yourself:
What am I really feeling beneath the anger?
What boundary would protect my peace?
What is mine to heal?
What is not mine to carry?
What would love look like here if love included me too?
You do not have to force forgiveness.
You do not have to pretend you are okay.
Just begin with honesty.
That is svadhyaya.
That is self-study.
That is the beginning of freedom.
About Katie Farinas
Katie Farinas is a midlife coach, yoga teacher, and spiritual guide who helps women navigate midlife with clarity, peace, purpose, and empowerment. Through yoga philosophy, mindfulness, nervous system regulation, and energy-based practices, Katie supports women in reconnecting with themselves and stepping fully into their most aligned and authentic lives.
✨ Ways To Go Deeper:
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